Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker in a different department asks me inane questions

I am a 30-year-old woman. I have been at a business for three years in one department. A man, about 60, who has been there for 25 years in a different department, often asks me for information he could google (addresses, phone numbers, employee names at other businesses, etc.). I am in a manager role (although not his manager; we are pretty much equals) and have no assistance duties assigned for this colleague. I find these requests annoying. What can I politely say to him to encourage him to use his resources and problem-solve on his own before asking colleagues for help?

“I don’t know, you should google that.” If you say this every time, he’ll probably stop asking you pretty quickly.

But if you’d like to make more of a point: “I might be missing something — why are you asking me to do this?” (If you’re comfortable being blunter, you can drop the first part.)

Or: “You often ask me for info you could google, and which I’d need to google myself. We work on different teams and I’m not an assistant. What am I missing about why you’re coming to me for these things?”*

But really, “I don’t know, you should google that” on repeat should put a stop to it pretty quickly.

* The answer is to that question is almost certainly that you’re a younger woman who was helpful to him once or twice, or maybe just someone he saw being helpful to someone else once.

2. The shirts my employer offers don’t fit me

I work as staff at a university. The dress code is business casual, but on Fridays we are allowed to dress in jeans and a university branded t-shirt. My department gave us t-shirts, but they only went up to size XXL. I need a 3X, so I am unable to participate in “spirit Fridays.” I never said anything about it and I just stick with business casual on Fridays. My question is not about this particular issue, but I’m including it as background and evidence of a pattern.

Recently I was accepted to a leadership development program offered by the university. The program director sent a link to an online form for participants to fill out. The form asks for t-shirt size and provides options from XS to XXL. None of these will fit me. The field is required and there is no option to decline a t-shirt, so I can’t submit the form without choosing a size.

I could just choose a size that would fit my daughter and give the shirt to her, but I’m concerned I will be expected to wear it for program events/photos. I also feel shamed, othered, and excluded by the lack of sizing options. My university is sending me a clear message that I do not fit the look of a “leader.” Given that the program focuses heavily on Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, I wonder if this is worth flagging for the director.

What would you suggest? Request a daughter-sized t-shirt and explain if asked to wear it? Decline to fill out the form and email the director with my information instead, explaining that the sizes offered do not work for me? If this is something I should raise as a DEI concern, how can I do so without coming across as scolding, angry, or aggressive? This program is a great professional development opportunity and I don’t want to further alienate myself.

Please do email the director to explain the t-shirt sizes aren’t inclusive and won’t fit you and ask how you should proceed since it’s a required field. Clearly using the words “not inclusive” to someone leading a program that focuses on DEI might be enough to jog her into realizing this is A Problem, but you can also spell it out in a straightforward way. For example: “Especially since the program focuses on DEI, I hope this is something we can change.”

Read an update to this letter. 

3. I’m supposed to do two jobs for a $30/paycheck raise

I currently work for for a SaaS company. I was hired as a product analyst and although the salary wasn’t what I wanted, it was close and I was told promotions were common and come with a 7-15% raise (depending on performance). Over the past year I’ve become critical to the team, handle 47% of the department workload (proven by our metrics), have wonderful monthly reviews, and have the highest client ratings in the company. My managers told me I just needed to keep performing like this and I would be promoted/given a raise to what I was originally looking for. Well, good news, I just received a promotion! There is a hiring freeze though so I’m expected to continue all of my current duties (they can’t backfill until 2023 at the earliest) while immediately taking over all client-facing meetings, and handling my new duties. It’s a lot but I feel like I can handle the added responsibilities. The issue lies in my “new” compensation.

Apparently, I was started at a higher rate than some of my coworkers due to my experience within the field, so I’m now being told that the pay band for my new role only allows a raise of less than 1% from what I currently make (about $30 a paycheck before taxes) and this is the most they could get approved with the freeze in place. They are asking me to stick with it and they will take this into account during annual reviews to get me the max amount, which is capped at 4%.

I loved working here before this but this has left a bad taste in my mouth. I haven’t signed the promotion paperwork yet as there was a clerical error, and I’m unsure if there’s anything I could or should do.

So they have you doing two jobs, one of them a higher level role than you were hired for, and they are paying you … $30/paycheck extra for that? That’s quite a good deal for them, and quite a bad one for you.

If they can’t pay you appropriately because there’s a hiring freeze, then by definition they can’t afford to hire you into the new job at all right now. And that’s the way I’d approach it with them: “This is a significant amount of additional work to take on while still doing my old job, without the compensation to match. I’ll be glad to take on the new position once we’re able to allocate the appropriate pay for it, but it sounds like the hiring freeze means we need to wait on that?” (Of course, this requires you to be willing to risk the promotion, so you’d want to figure out exactly where you stand on that before having this conversation. Keep in mind, though, that once you start doing the work, you’ll give up much of your leverage to be paid fairly for it.)

4. Asking about salary when your interviews seem endless

I was browsing jobs after a bad week at work and found a role that seemed like it would be a good fit and would allow me to better utilize my degree than my current job. I submitted an application without expecting much, but the next day I received a request for a virtual interview with the person who previously held the position. I agreed, just to learn more about the job, and things seemed to go well. I then had a second virtual interview with the person who I would be directly reporting to, and that also went well. I was then asked to a third virtual interview with the board of directors, which apparently (again) went well. In between interviews, I also had a phone call with the person who previously held the job (at my request) just to learn more about the day-to-day. All of these interviews took place over the course of a week. During that week, I was also asked to complete an online personality test and a skills assessment.

The only reason I was able to meet with them so easily is because they were virtual interviews, but even then I did have to make up excuses to not be at work (my job is not remote). Now I have been asked to come into the office for a fourth interview to meet the board of directors in-person. This would have to be during a specific time slot four days from today.

This all seems like it would make sense if I was applying for a prestigious job. But this job is not something that I have encountered before. It is a new position with no historical data, so I am not able to easily find any information online, particularly salary info.

Should I reach out for a salary range before I attend any more interviews? I have a feeling, based on what I have learned about the responsibilities, that this job will pay less than what I am making now (in this economy a dealbreaker), and I’ve already spent a lot of time on this company. But there is also a small chance that this job has better pay and benefits than what I have now. I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot by jumping the gun and asking about pay too early.

This is way too many interviews. And unless it’s a very senior position (like the top position), there’s no reason the board of directors needs to be interviewing you, let alone twice.

You can definitely ask about salary before you do anything else. Say it this way: “Before we move forward, can you tell me your salary range for this role so we can make sure we’re in the same ballpark?” You can ask about the rest of the process too: “It will be hard for me to continue taking off more work, so I wonder if you can tell me how many more steps to expect in the process?”

5. Getting reimbursed for tips on work trips

I’m currently traveling for work and I’m wondering about tipping. I have a corporate credit card that I’m using for my hotel, rental car, and meals. It’s easy to add a tip to my total when I use my card at a restaurant or something. But I’m not sure to handle tips that are usually done in cash, like for the hotel housekeeping staff or valet parking. My company does also have a reimbursement process, so I could attempt to submit this for reimbursement, but they require a receipt for every purchase. Is this just a cost that I’m expected to “eat”? (Which would be annoying, but I guess I’d rather deal with the personal loss of a few dollars than have service industry workers suffer.) How do other companies handle this?

No, you shouldn’t just eat the cost of cash tips. At most organizations, you’d record the tips you give and submit those along with the rest of your expenses for reimbursement. Some people do that by writing the tip amount on some form of receipt connected to the trip (like if you tip housekeeping, write that tip on the receipt for the hotel stay). Your organization might also have written guidelines for tipping, so check for those too.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker says fetuses are judging “mothers-to-be” for what they eat

This morning, an older male coworker posted an article link on our department intranet. It was about fetuses showing reactions to taste on ultrasound exams, so it’s maybe very tangentially related to what we do (not worthy of sharing on the announcement board for our whole department, in my opinion). But the issue is his accompanying comment: “Mothers-to-be, be careful what you eat! Your child is judging you!!”

Our department (and org overall) is mostly women, and I am sure I am not the only one bothered by the implications of yet another party judging women for what they choose to eat. It’s also weird because the article didn’t say anything about the fetus having an opinion toward the person consuming the food (because how could it?). That’s not even touching on the fact that not all mothers-to-be experience pregnancy, and not all people experiencing pregnancy are mothers.

My partner thinks I should just take a screenshot and send it to HR, but that feels like a little much to me when I could leave a professionally worded comment (because we women always have to remain professional even in the face of microaggressions). I don’t report to this coworker, and while he is in my department, our work doesn’t overlap at all. Should I respond to the comment, and if so, what would be best to say?

I agree with you that it doesn’t rise to the level of taking it to HR, but it’s definitely worth saying something. Personally, I’d reply, “Ugh, more judgment of what women eat? This doesn’t belong here.” But you could say it however you’re comfortable with — I don’t think you need dance around it too delicately.

2. Sending a cake with your resume on it

I wanted to get your take on this LinkedIn Post about a woman who sent a cake with her resume on it to a party hosted by Nike that she was NOT invited to.

I use to hire student workers when I worked at a large university. One of my top dislikes were gimmicks. I don’t mind some creativity, but I want to see it more so in your portfolio or in the application process that we’ve laid out (especially because we want to keep it fair and equitable).

Many commentators are praising her for her creativity, but I disagree. If I was managing a university event, with external stakeholders, and a random cake showed up with a resume on it, I would not serve the cake at the event (primarily because we have catering contracts at the university level). So now I have a new problem, where to put this random cake? Is there a kitchen in this building? If not, then do I have to go to a building where I have keycard access and put it in a faculty/staff fridge?

But what if I put the cake in the employee lounge fridge and someone ate it before I had the chance to take the picture? So now I need to take a picture, then print it out to file with other resumes I’m reviewing.

But then if I do accept this resume cake (in my scenario from a student) and I ultimately hire them, would that mean other students would send me an endless stream of resume cakes at every major university event?

I may be catastrophizing here, but it seems like more of a burden (especially, because it is being delivered to an event). I guess the good news that is even if she doesn’t get a job with Nike, she went viral on LinkedIn, which could help her job search. Am I off-base here? What are your thoughts?

No, I agree with you. I’m generally opposed to gimmicks in job-searching (unless maybe if you are applying for a job thinking up gimmicks, in which case I guess go for it? but even then you’d have to proceed with caution). The thing about using gimmicks like this is that they will turn off a ton of of hiring managers who will rightly find them overly aggressive, cheesy, out of touch with what employers are looking for, or in some cases creepy (plus in this case, the ones who don’t want to receive food from strangers). And the ones who like it — well, you’ll have just screened for managers who respond to flash over merit, and that’s not who most people want to work for.

To avoid that trap, a gimmick would need to be related directly to the most important skills an employer is looking for so that it showcases the right things about you, rather than just shouting “look at me!” For most jobs, a resume cake is not that. (I assume the idea was supposed to be that the cake would show creativity and resourcefulness, but it doesn’t really show those things very strongly or in a way that overcomes the rest of the issues.)

3. I want to leave but I’m worried about my employees

I’ve been the CEO of a small not-for-profit for a short but difficult six-month period. The job has been very different to what I expected, with very significant problems to navigate with staff. I didn’t know about the problems when I accepted the job, but became aware in phone calls with Board members just days after. The problems have dominated my work. I’m not sure but if I had been fully informed I may not have accepted the job. It’s taken a toll.

If I didn’t have any concerns about staff, I would leave now. I’ve been unhappy in the role since the start and in just a few months I’m worn out.

The problem is that I’m committed to staff. It’s a real concern to me that if I leave others will follow, and still others may lose their jobs with nothing to go to. I’m not overestimating the impact of my leaving; it’s a fledgling company that feels like it has a small window to turn things around but will otherwise fail. A few key staff are very fatigued by the problems and they need stability.

I don’t think there’s an easy yes/no answer here, but I’d love to have your thoughts on what to consider in making a decision.

If you want to leave, you should leave. When you try to protect other people without their knowledge or consent, it can have ramifications you never intended or anticipated. For example, you might have someone who’s considering leaving themselves but figures they’ll stick it out since you are, when in fact it would be far better for them to get out. Or what if you hold off on leaving to protect their jobs, but by the time you finally do leave, the job market is a lot worse for them than it is now? Or one of them is pregnant or sick when you leave in a year and feels it’s the wrong time to change jobs but they could have done it more easily right now if they had known they were going to need to? Obviously this is just all wild speculation and none of it might happen, but there are so many factors like this that can come into play that it doesn’t make sense to time your own leaving based on what might be best for other people; you just can never know.

Make the decision that’s right for you, and trust that your staff will figure out what’s next for them, whatever happens.

And for what it’s worth, small organizations that have a single point of failure, like one specific employee, tend to fail — or at least flail — regardless.

4. Turning down an interview when I like the job

I was recently contacted by an external recruiter about a job. They saw my profile on LinkedIn and thought I would be a good fit for the position they are hiring for. That specific position is the kind of work I am looking to move into eventually, so I agreed to have a brief conversation with them. It turns out that the job title and responsibilities are just what I am looking for, but the timing isn’t right for me (I’m pregnant) and they aren’t offering the kind of hybrid remote set up I want/need in my life right now. The pay is great and the company gets great reviews on Linkedin and Glassdoor, but the benefits don’t match or do better than what I have now at my current job, where I am pretty happy.

The recruiter wants to send my resume on to the hiring manager. I have to contact this recruiter and tell him I don’t want to move forward. I would be interested in a similar role and that particular company in the future, but the timing just isn’t right. How do I effectively say all of that to leave the door cracked open just a smidge? Or, should I send my resume so that I get my foot in the door with that company, then back out? That feels sneaky but I’ve never been actively recruited before.

Don’t move forward with a job you know you wouldn’t take right now. But you could say, “The timing isn’t right for me right now for a variety of reasons, but this is the exact kind of work I’d like to move into eventually. I’d love to reach out in the future if my situation changes.”