Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should you cite sources on a resume?

I’m in a required class for my university this semester about “learning to communicate in the workplace and the classroom.” (This is a university aimed at working adults. I’m in my 30s with a full-time job and a prior degree, so this required course feels a bit condescending to me right off the bat. I’m wondering if that’s coloring my view of this assignment.)

One of our first assignments is to create a resume using a suggested template, find an interesting job listing, and upload both to ChatGPT or Google Gemini for suggestions about how to tailor the resume to that specific job listing. Then, we’re supposed to write an essay about which suggestions we would accept and the ethics of using AI for resume help. The list of questions the essay should address includes, “Would you need to cite the tool? Why or why not?”

Am I wrong to think that that is an inherently silly question? I wouldn’t cite ChatGPT on my resume the same way I wouldn’t cite advice from a mentor, the university’s career, or my parents. Are people citing sources on their resumes? Is this a thing?

It’s not a thing! You do not cite sources on a resume. (What you would even cite most of the time? “Source: my W2’s 2019-2022”?)

Colleges really, really need to stop doling out resume advice because it never seems to be based on anything about how resumes actually work.

2. Pumping at work: how comfortable is too comfortable?

I am a manager in a government office where I specifically supervise a team of 4-6 people, but also occasionally supervise others on a case-by-case basis. I do not have the power to fire anyone, but I do performance evaluations for the people on my team and, realistically, if I pushed for someone to be fired, my boss would probably give it serious consideration. I am returning to work after maternity leave with my second child and, since my baby is breastfeeding, I will be pumping several times a day.

I am very fortunate to have an office of my own, an incredibly supportive boss, and a generally parent-friendly office culture, so I am not facing any of the usual problems a lot of breastfeeding people have to contend with.

My question is about how my pumping might affect others, specifically the people I supervise or am otherwise senior to. When I did this the first time, I thought nothing of saying, “I have to go pump now,” or “Let’s meet at 2:30 because I have to pump first.” I have a little sign I hang on my door while I’m pumping that says “Pumping, Do Not Disturb.” I kept my pump in my office and sometimes had my freshly cleaned pumping paraphernalia sitting on a table behind my desk to dry. I even, on a couple of occasions, pumped (whilst wearing a huge, tent-like drape, of course) during meetings in my office with one of my female supervisees who had volunteered (not in response to a question or suggestion from me) that she had no problem with my pumping while she was there. I also pumped during a meeting with my own supervisor who had also volunteered that she was fine with it. I was very comfortable with the whole thing.

But since then, I have been giving it some more thought and now I wonder, was I too comfortable? Should I not be referring to it so directly and make more of an effort to keep the equipment out of sight? Because, obviously, just because I am comfortable with people knowing that I am pumping, that doesn’t mean they are. Should I forgo pumping during meetings with people whom I supervise, even if they are the ones who suggest it? I am particularly concerned about this last because I think a woman is far more likely to make that suggestion than a man — indeed, I would be very surprised if any of the men I work with ever did anything of the kind — and I definitely don’t want anyone to feel they have less access to my time because of their gender.

I never got the feeling last time that anyone was uncomfortable with the way I handled it, but I realize that, given my position as a manager, people would not necessarily feel like they could express discomfort if they felt it (though I hope they would). What are your thoughts?

References to pumping and a sign on your door about pumping: Fine. Normal. If someone has a problem with that, that’s a them issue. You’re just being matter-of-fact when the info is relevant.

Having pumping equipment visible in your office: Also fine. Adults should be able to handle that.

Pumping during meetings: This is where I get warier. You’re right that you’re setting up a gendered system where the women you manage get that access while the men don’t (and where maybe some women could feel pressured to say they’re fine with it because others are), and I’d not do it for that reason.

3. Cover letter red flag or forgivable flub?

I posted a job for a public-facing position at a nonprofit. Less than an hour after the ad went live, I got an application from someone who seems like a great fit for the job, except that the cover letter he sent was addressed to a different organization with a glaring typo in that organization’s name. If not for the wrong addressee, the letter would be fine.

I’m curious for your thoughts on both sides of this. From my end, this seems like a big red flag for someone who will be doing written and in-person communication with our community. It also implies an impulsiveness that makes me hesitant. Okay, great, you’re excited about the job, but maybe put a little more time into the application? On the other side, although I’ve never made this mistake, I’ve made similarly mortifying email mistakes and I do feel for the applicant.

Is there a best practice in this circumstance, besides just writing it off as, I guess I’m not getting that job!? As the hiring manager, if this person came back immediately with an apology, I would be more inclined to do an interview, though I would set the bar higher than I would otherwise. As it stands, this person is unlikely to get on my interview list.

Eh, if he’d otherwise be a strong candidate, I wouldn’t let this be a deal-breaker. Pay attention for other signs of problems with attention to detail, yes, but I’m increasingly skeptical of ruling candidates out at the initial screen because they didn’t put more time into their application. It’s not reasonable to expect candidates to invest significant time into initial applications when so often they won’t hear anything back at all. Mistakes further along in the process can be a bigger problem — but I can’t get that worked up about a mistake at the application stage (particularly mistakes in the typo neighborhood; I’d care more about a factual error or, for a writing-heavy job, a weird tone).

You asked about best practices for the candidate. I wouldn’t advise writing back to an employer correcting a simple typo; that’s excessive. On the other hand, if it’s the name of the organization, probably. Keep it brief and light — “My apologies, I realize you are in fact the Groats Association of Nebraska, not the Toast Tipplers of Michigan!”

4. Celebrating a milestone months later

I work on a team that doesn’t really have team celebrations as part of its culture, I think because our executive doesn’t care to spend money they don’t “have to,” but I’d like to change that.

A few months ago, I approached my boss about taking a working team out to a modest lunch to celebrate a successful launch. It was a group of six, including me. I’d even be open to taking them to the on-campus cafeteria if that’s all we have the budget and social capital for. I’ve been told my boss has been waiting for an answer from their boss since then. It’s been three months. Personally, I think the timeliness has passed and it might foster some resentment and thoughts of “Why did it take this long to celebrate this launch? Are we not worth celebrating when the milestone actually happens?” (The morale on the team overall isn’t great, hence why I’ve been trying to inject some positivity and recognition.) On the other hand, some might say a late celebration is better than none at all. I’ve already thanked the working team profusely for a successful delivery, shared the accomplishment with our group’s executive, and done everything I can do without any budget to work with.

Should I just tell my boss to forget about it since it’s been so long, or is it still worth waiting on an answer that may never come? Before anyone asks, gift cards are a touchy subject and a bit verboten due to the tax implications and potentially being seen by finance as a form of compensation, no matter how small the value.

Yeah, it’s going to seem strangely belated at this point — unless there’s another milestone to tie it to (“it just got kudos in an industry magazine”) or another logical way to explain the timing (“now that Frank is back from leave”). In theory you could do it at the end of the year (“looking back at the year, this was a major accomplishment”). But eh, I think you’re probably better off talking to your boss about having a small budget for this kind of recognition generally, which would be approved ahead of time so that you can pull from it as needed without waiting months for a yes.

That said, the fact that your boss has (allegedly) been waiting months for approval for something so small probably says that either she hasn’t pushed it much or it’s just not something they’re ever going to do.

5. Are thank-you cards from an intern too much?

I have a dilemma on how I want to say thank you in leaving the company I’ve been an intern at for the last three summers. The atmosphere here is fun, laidback, and friendly yet professional. I’ve made a handful of close relationships with my coworkers/mentors during my time here and since I am graduating this winter I won’t be back to intern next summer, so a handshake and a “goodbye” seems insufficient this time.

As a person who has a hard time expressing deeper feelings on the fly, I thought that writing short thank-you cards to the handful of people who impacted me most during my time here would be fitting. Is this inappropriate to do as an intern? I want to be able to give individual thanks to my manager and mentors during my time here without going over the top. I’ve been very thankful for all they’ve taught me during my time here, and hope to continue some of the friendships I’ve formed here after my completion. Naturally I go around on my last day saying goodbye to the staff, it’s just this time it’s more permanent and I want to let them know that a positive impact was left on me.

Do it! Assuming you’re going to include specifics about why you appreciated working with them (not just sign your name on a thank-you card), this is by far the most meaningful goodbye gift anyone can give. Most people love receiving this kind of note; many of us keep them for years, and it will solidify the good will people already have toward you. 100% do it!

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Employee won’t do part of his job

I work for a small gym franchise as a manager. Our model is 24-hour access for our members. The staff is not there 24 hours.

Because of complaints we are receiving, I have asked all personal trainers to return towels to the laundry area if they see them overflowing. It’s a 20-second task.

Consistently one particular trainer will not do this task. Towels will be overflowing on to the floor before the office staff arrives. He arrives before the office staff. This is causing serious conflict between the office staff and him. He is the only trainer pushing back. This is mandatory.

I have a meeting with him today. I just don’t know how much more I can take with him. There have been other issues before this. He is very passive, complains a lot, and has a sense of entitlement. For example, we pay a flat fee for trainers to perform a 30-minute class. He demanded we pay him per participant. He refused to take on the class after we said no. He said he wasn’t making enough money, so we offered for him to work in the office and clean the gym on Sundays. He has declined almost every offer. When said, “I thought you needed extra money and there are six shifts you can work this week,” his response was that he feels like he is getting used (?).

Is he a good trainer? If so, it probably doesn’t make sense to lose him over the towels. But it sounds like there’s more going on than just towels.

To answer what you’re asking: you can’t make him do something he doesn’t want to do. You can only decide how committed you are to enforcing the requirement, even if it means you might lose him or others. If you decide it’s an essential requirement of the job, to the point that you’re willing to lose people over it, then you need to explain that and let him decide if he wants to continue working there under those terms or not.

The same thing goes for things like what classes pay and offering extra shifts; you just need to explain what’s on offer and under what terms, and then he can decide if he wants to take you up on that or not. Your role isn’t to cajole him into seeing things that way you do; your role is just to be very clear about what you can and can’t offer, and what’s required to remain in the job. His role is to decide if he’s up for that or not. If he’s not — based on either word or deed — then the next step is to ask (either yourself or him, or both) whether it would make sense to part ways.

2. Employee asked me not to call an ambulance if they had a seizure

I’ve had two new hires over the past seven years tell me that they have epilepsy. Great, thanks for telling me, what should I look out for in terms of warning signs, anything particular that you might do at work that could trigger them that we need to change, etc.? Both employees, about a year apart from each other, told me that whatever I do, I should not call an ambulance if they have a seizure.

I know that even with health insurance, ambulance rides can be expensive since you never know if the ambulance is in-network with your health insurance company. And I understand that generally if you see a doctor after a seizure, you are told that you cannot drive for X months, which is an incredible hardship.

Still, I felt supremely uncomfortable with this request. Ultimately, I agreed to use my best judgment if the need should arise, despite their protests. Thankfully I never had to find out what I’d do, and since then, both employees have moved on.

What’s the right answer here, both as an employer and human worried about another human, and as an employer worried about potential legalities and ramifications?

There are two sides of this. First, individual people with epilepsy know their conditions best, and they may know that there’s nothing the ER can do for them except in more severe situations. That’s often the case! If this comes up again, ask under what circumstances you should call (for example, one common set of guidelines is to only go to the ER if the seizure lasts more than five minutes or there’s a head injury).

The other side is the company’s legal liability; you’d need to loop in HR so they’re aware of what’s been requested and what you’re agreeing to — because at that point you’re acting as an agent of the company, not a private individual. Whenever you have a situation where an employee asks for something related to a medical condition that you’re uncertain about, that’s a flag that it’s probably over your pay grade to navigate on your own.

3. My coworker jokes about suicide

Two months ago I started a new job and really bonded with a coworker we’ll call Mel. Mel and I really get along, and I like her a lot.

The problem is Mel is rather negative — she constantly talks about how she doesn’t want to be doing work or doesn’t want to be here. I know we all feel that way, but she complains frequently. That I can deal with and kind of brush off, especially because I know she does truly like it here, she (like most of us) would just rather be spending her time doing what she wants to do instead of working a 9-5. However, what’s really getting to me is her constant jokes about how she wants to kill herself. The smallest hiccup at work will prompt a response of, “Well, guess I’ll just go off myself,” and she will often mime either hanging herself or shooting herself.

I know she isn’t seriously making suicide threats, she’s just expressing how much she dislikes something that’s happened during the day. However, I have a history of suicidal ideation, and I find it very disturbing to be confronted with these comments multiple times a day.

If I brought this to the attention of the firm partners, I assume they would say something to Mel, but I think it would be very obvious I was the one who complained since I’m new and no one has ever said anything before. From reading your columns, I know your first step is usually to speak to the coworker myself. I was hoping for some pointers about what to say.

Some options:

“Please don’t joke about suicide. You never know if someone around you has been affected by it.”

“Could you please not make that joke? I find it really upsetting.”

“Suicide is a hard topic for a lot of people. I’d be grateful if you didn’t joke about it around me.”

“That’s not a thing to joke about. Please stop saying things like that.”

4. Interviewing when they already know they want to hire someone else

I recently applied for a great role and had two interviews. There is a third round which involves a task.

At the end of the second interview, I asked about the circumstances of the role becoming available, and after a pause they said that someone is already doing the job but is on a temporary contract, and to become permanent HR required them to advertise the role externally. That person is going through the same interview process, but to me it sounds very likely that they just want them to stay and are going through the motions with me and other candidates. After all, they have already been doing the job for a year, so could give much better answers about their ability to perform the role.

I feel quite put out as I’ve spent a lot of time preparing for a role that isn’t even vacant. I wouldn’t have applied if I’d known up-front. Am I justified in feeling my time has been wasted, or is this just normal business practice? I’m wondering whether or not to let their HR team know that this bothered me.

You are justified in feeling annoyed that your time has been wasted and it’s a normal business practice.

A lot of organizations have internal policies requiring them to advertise every position before hiring, even if they’ve already identified someone who’s likely to get the job. The idea is supposed to be to ensure they’re hiring the best person for the job (and also to avoid cronyism), but when the hiring manager complies only with the letter of the policy, not its spirit, it wastes everyone’s time, and it actively subverts the point of having the policy in the first place. Some employers include language in their ads like “a preferred candidate has been identified” so people at least know what’s up before they apply, but others don’t.

That said, even when an employer already has a candidate in mind, sometimes a really good external candidate can still win out. And it’s not always true that a temporary fill-in will always get the job (as we saw earlier this week). But in this particular case, if you’re right that they were just going through motions, they should have been more transparent from the start so you could decide whether you cared to invest your time that way or not.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I tell candidates that two employees they’ll be managing are dating?

An organization I’m involved with is hiring their next executive director. There are two key long-time employees who are dating (there are fewer than 10 full-time employees total). When new people join the organization, nobody tells them that these two people are a couple, and they tend to find out in ad hoc and sometimes awkward ways.

I’m involved in the process of bringing on the next executive director and wondering at what point we should tell candidates this information (finalists who interview in-person? only the last candidate? after they start?) and also how to share it. I imagine straightforward is best — e.g., “You should know these two are a couple.” And if they ask whether it’s something to be concerned about, say, “It’s common knowledge, we just wanted you to be aware.” But in fact, these two do hold some power (they can essentially veto things if they don’t want them to happen). I don’t want candidates to be taken by surprise by these dynamics once they get the job, but also want to respect people’s personal lives and work/life boundaries.

When I started reading your question, I was thinking, “Just mention it after they’re hired; it’s not a big enough deal that it needs to be disclosed.” But then I got to the part about the power they hold as a unit — and yeah, I’d be pretty unhappy to take a job leading a small organization and only find out after I started that two key employees were in a personal relationship that allowed them to veto things they don’t like, and that no one had bothered to tell me I’d be walking into that.

So I’d raise it at the finalist stage. The message shouldn’t just be “we just wanted you to be aware they’re dating” because that’s not the most relevant part. You need to disclose what the relationship means for the dynamics in the organization, so that your finalists have a chance to ask questions about how that plays out and to consider whether they want a job where they’ll be managing that situation.

Disclosing it isn’t a violation of people’s personal lives; it’s about sharing a problematic staff dynamic that the person you hire will need to navigate.

2. Employee is making videos about our customers and posting them on his own social media

We have a newish salesperson who is creating his own videos/posts three times per week on his social channels about our customers/businesses. The quality is poor and his posts are not fact-checked. He graduated from college one year ago and works in B2B sales.

Because he is posting on his personal social accounts and not mentioning our company name, do we have the right to talk to him about his posts and ask him to stop creating his own videos about our customers? I’m concerned because he uses the customer’s actual websites in his videos. Their websites are in the background and he literally scrolls through their website during his videos, clicking on their videos and pictures, etc.

Is he breaching some kind of business SOP, ethics, or no-no by creating content about our customers? I have no doubt that if our customers saw his jenky videos, they would not be happy.

Yes, he absolutely is breaching basic professional expectations by posting about your customers, and you need to tell him to stop!

It doesn’t matter that he’s doing it on his personal account and not mentioning your company by name. He’s an employee of your company and you’re on very solid ground in telling him he can’t comment on your customers publicly, period, and that it would be a customer relations disaster if clients find out an employee is doing that. Tell him he needs to remove the existing videos immediately and not post more. If that single warning doesn’t resolve it, that’s a firing-level offense.

Even if that conversation does solve it, though, you should take a closer look at his work and judgment more broadly because this speaks to a real lack of sense.

Related:
my new employee keeps tagging us in negative social media posts after we’ve told her to stop (and then live-streamed her performance review)

3. Several weeks of uncontrollable burping

I have a soon-to-be embarrassing situation coming up. I have a condition called R-CPD, basically the inability to burp. Excitingly, in a few weeks, I will be having surgery to correct this. Without going into the details, I will literally have no control over my burping for at least several weeks and possibly longer. Some people’s side effects are so much that they burp every time they open their mouth or turn their head.

I work in a couple of different settings, some in a quiet space where everyone will undoubtedly hear. One day a week is directly in client’s homes and I’m dreading explaining it to them (it sounds weird and fake!) or just pretending it isn’t happening. Taking so much time off, or getting accommodations to be in a different location, isn’t an option due to the nature of the work.

“I need to warn you — I just had a medical procedure that’s causing a lot of uncontrollable burping for the next few weeks! Please excuse me in advance!”

If you want, you can say, “I won’t excuse myself every time or that will end up being more distracting than the burping is, so I’m going to say one blanket ‘excuse me’ now.”

That’s it! Be upbeat and matter-of-fact about. It doesn’t sound like being coy will be an option anyway, so you might as well just be open and direct about what’s going on. (It would be a lot weirder if you didn’t acknowledge it.)

4. I can’t get people to attend mandatory trainings

How much handholding should be expected of professionals? I am at my wit’s end. I am in a relatively senior role that involves keeping our staff compliant with various rules. So let’s say we’re going to have a mandatory training, which will keep our company on the right side of the law (and which we do at most twice a year). A month in advance, I will send an email explaining the training and why everyone needs to attend. I will quickly follow it up with a calendar invite, which maybe half of recipients will accept immediately. I will include it in the monthly staff newsletter. I will ping everyone in Teams a few days in advance. And on the day of the training, I STILL get a handful of people saying, “Oh, I didn’t realize that was today” and “Sorry, double booked/ something came up, can’t make it.”

I could complain to their managers, but it’s MY job to make sure we’re in compliance. That this is still happening in 2024 tells me it’s not about the tools or the technology for keeping track of appointments, it’s just plain disrespect. What do you think these folks need to hear in order to take it seriously?

You need to involve their managers — meaning that a week before the training, you message all the managers reminding them the training is on Date and is mandatory for their staff members, and asking them to confirm that all their team will be in attendance, and then you do that the day before too (not several days before — one day before, so it’s less likely to be forgotten in the interim). You do the same thing with individual attendees.

You will still have people flake out unless you have the ability to impose any kind of real consequence, which it sounds like you don’t (but their managers do, so you want them on your side!) but you’ll get less flaking than is happening now.

But there are no magic words that make people take this stuff seriously, unless those magic words involve consequences — like “if you miss this training, your vacation accrual will be frozen until you make it up.” I assume you don’t have that authority, so if the above doesn’t fix it, you need allies — maybe that’s your legal team, maybe it’s just someone higher up than you — who can put real teeth behind the requirement. You’d approach that by pointing out the legal risk for the company, the stats on lack of attendance, and what you’ve tried so far, and pointing out that you’re at the limits of what you can accomplish without real consequences for no-shows.

5. How do I network with the people who ghosted me after an interview?

I’m pursuing a job in the academic market, which is … tough, to say the least. I was recently ghosted after interviewing for a position at a university in my area. Months later, I found out through connections that while my interviewers liked me, they ended up going with another candidate.

There is another position at this university which I want even more than the position I didn’t get. In fact, I think it’s a much better match for my skills and goals than the last one was! However, I’m not sure how to network and communicate with the people who ghosted me. I was recently at an event where one of my interviewers was in attendance and they seemed decidedly nervous every time they saw me, like they clearly wanted to avoid talking to me.

Although I’m not happy about being ghosted, I am capable of getting over it for the sake of pursuing this other position. However, I’m concerned that my past interviewers’ own nerves over dealing with someone they ghosted may impact me negatively. Do you have any advice on how I can navigate this situation graciously?

Any nervousness at seeing you probably wasn’t about the ghosting; it’s more likely to have been about interviewing but not hiring you. People who ghost candidates often don’t even realize they ghosted them; they think someone else sent rejections, or it just fell off their radar, etc.

That said, people who hire normally don’t feel that much awkwardness about running into rejected candidates unless there’s something else going on, like they made you promises they later reneged on, etc. Any chance some of this might have been you projecting the awkwardness you feel about the ghosting on to them? Or maybe these people are particularly odd, but either way they’re probably not horribly consumed with guilt about the ghosting.

When you apply for the new job, send them a note saying you really enjoyed talking with them earlier this year, were glad to see the X position open up, have thrown your hat in the ring for it, and hope to get the opportunity to talk with them about it. Be cheerful and upbeat. All of that will demonstrate that you aren’t feeling weirdly about what happened and that there’s no need for them to feel they need to tiptoe around you.