Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker wears pro-gun t-shirts

I work at a financial/banking company where we have a “dress for your day” dress code. Most internal employees wear jeans everyday. My coworker has started to wear NRA apparel in the office. He’s always struck me as an odd person so I have tried to avoid him, but the shirts make me uncomfortable. I abhor guns and think the second amendment should be repealed (I am realistic enough to know that is unlikely). Is this something I can make a complaint to HR about?

Yes. And not just because it’s guns, but because any shirt with a controversial political message is a bad choice for work and most companies (and particularly companies in conservative industries like banking) prohibit them.

If it turns out they don’t care, then so be it, but it’s likely enough that they do that it’s reasonable to flag.

Related:
should I put my politics on display at work?

2. Custodian brings me food, and I want to turn down some but not all of it

I work with a very small staff at a nonprofit, and we just hired a new custodian who is wonderful! She also runs a catering business on the side.

Many mornings, she will bring us breakfast. This might be homemade foods from her catering business, but it also might be a fast food breakfast she bought on her way in. She’s even inquired about people’s dietary restrictions and accommodates them. She does not ask before bringing food, but simply shows up with it.

The thing is, while this is very kind, I’m uncomfortable with this person bringing me food she bought! First of all, I don’t love the idea of a person who makes significantly less than me bringing me purchased food, but also, I’m not a big fast food person. But at the same time, the homemade catering treats are really nice and don’t cost the custodian extra (because they’re leftover from gigs she worked, so she was paid to make them).

Can you think of any way to convey, “It’s very kind of you to bring food, and I’m happy to take leftovers you’re going to throw away otherwise, but please don’t buy me meals from other vendors anymore”? We always make sure she’s included in staff lunches, etc., even though she works different hours than the rest of us, and I’ve brought her my own homemade treats a couple of times. If the only thing to do at this point is put the kibbosh on her bringing me any food, I’ll do it, but I was wondering if it’s possible to thread this needle.

You could try, “I will happily eat catering leftovers if they’ll otherwise go to waste, but please don’t spend money buying me anything — I don’t feel right accepting that.” Or you could just say, “I love your catering leftovers, but I’m not a big fast food person.”

But really, whoever manages her should talk to her and say it’s incredibly kind of her to bring in food for people, but they don’t want her to spend her own money feeding the office.

3. I was asked to give negative feedback on my coworker

I joined my company about a year ago, at the lowest tier on our team. I have received great performance reviews and expect to be promoted soon. In anticipation of this, the team lead has hired another person at my level, Emily. In the few months that she has been on the team, Emily has not met expectations: she struggles to finish work on time and leaves the office early. When I tried to train her on one of my projects, she struggled to do basic computer tasks, like copying and pasting data between spreadsheets.

There is an unsaid feeling in the office that Emily is incompetent, but nothing has been done up until this point. A few days ago, I received an email from the team lead. In the message, she began by writing, “Emily has received negative feedback” and asked me to provide an example of working with Emily that detailed 1) how long it took to train her and support her 2) if the work was done on time/correctly 3) how long this process would have taken me and 4) screenshots of messages between Emily and me about the project. The email stated that this information would be referenced in a meeting with HR and Emily for her “success plan,” which I assume is a PIP.

This email made me extremely uncomfortable. I am not Emily’s supervisor — I have the same title and ostensibly the same responsibilities/pay that she does. I believe that this asks too much of me, and it creates a weird power dynamic on the team. I can’t imagine Emily facing people in the office after she hears specific details of their interactions (or even sees screenshots of private messages) in her meeting with HR. Additionally, the email suggests that if you do not meet expectations, your coworkers will be solicited for dirt on your behavior. The email requested a very prompt response, and so I provided a vague rundown of a project that I worked on with Emily, but I did not relay any incriminating details.

I am already looking for another job because of other managerial issues on this team, but I want to ask if you have the same reaction that I do. Is this inappropriate? I regret even responding at all, and am weighing whether to tell my team lead that I thought she put me in an uncomfortable position. How could I approach the lead about this?

Yeah, this is a weird way for them to do it. To be clear, it’s very normal for a manager who has concerns about someone’s performance to talk with others who work with the person for their impressions; sometimes that’s necessary and the only way to get enough information about how someone is doing. But that should be done discreetly, and it’s generally a conversation, not the sort of interrogatory email you received. I think you would have felt differently about this if your manager or team lead had met one-on-one with you and asked, “What’s your sense of how Emily’s doing?” and “Where are the areas where you think she needs more support?” You still might have felt uncomfortable, because it can be awkward to be asked for info that you know won’t reflect well on someone! But I don’t think it would have left with you the feeling you have now.

That said, it sounds as if you might object to being asked at all. There are jobs where to get a complete picture of someone’s performance, you do need input from colleagues, and if you frame your concern around that part of it, you’ll likely come across as a little naive. But you could certainly talk to them about the way they did it — although since it sounds like there are other problems with the management there which have already driven you to job-search, it might make more sense to just chalk this up as more of the same.

4. Is it normal to include an expiration date with a job offer?

Is it normal to write an expiration on an offer letter? The last few people we’ve offered positions to (whether they have ended up accepting or not) seem to blanch when we tell them – and we are up-front about it when we make the verbal offer. (“We enjoyed meeting you, we think you’d be a good fit, we’d like to offer you the job and will send out a formal offer letter today with the details, just so you know, there is an expiration on the offer.”) I set the expiration at seven days.

There is a shortage in our industry, and I know every qualified candidate has multiple offers right now. I think seven days to let me know whether or not you want the job is more than fair – or to come back with questions or counteroffers. But I’m not an HR person. We’re a small business so the responsibilities fall on me, but I have no formal training or anything. This is what my predecessor did, so it’s what I do. Am I wrong here?

It’s not unusual to set a deadline for when you need an answer by, and a week is pretty reasonable in most fields. But the more relevant question is whether the practice is working for you. If you’re hiring a majority of the candidates you want to hire, then it is. If you’re not — and especially if you’re getting feedback indicating that the expiration date is part of the issue — then you’d want to re-think.

In the latter case, you could make the timeline less of a formal one: instead of including an expiration date in the offer letter, try simply saying during the offer conversation itself, “Ideally we’d like your answer by (date) — is that doable on your end?” That way you can have more of a conversation about what their hesitances around that date are, if they have them.

For what it’s worth, I’ve never used formal offer expiration dates and lots of employers don’t. So if you’re doing it purely because your predecessor did, feel free to change things up.

Related:
how long should I give a candidate to think over a job offer?

5. Should my resume include an award for a project after I left?

A project I worked on for about a year received an award after I went on leave. Should I include the award on my resume?

If you can talk in concrete terms about your contributions to the project and you were there for a signifiant amount of the work, not just the planning stages, yes!

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Do my full-time coworkers think I’m a lady of leisure because I work part-time?

I work part-time at an elite private high school that my oldest child attends. How our very middle-class family ended up with a kid at this school is a long story, but please know it was a necessary last resort for my kid’s mental health.

Very luckily, just before school started, a part-time receptionist position opened up at the school and I practically ran to apply, as it comes with a partial tuition remission. I was nervous about this school. I thought it might be stuffy and elitist. I was so happy to discover this to not be true at all! My kid is happy at the school and I love working there! It’s only two days a week.

At work, I make sure I go above and beyond to be a top notch receptionist. I recently heard feedback from a coworker that my name came up in a meeting of the school administration about what a great hire I was and what an asset I’ve become to the front office.

The only problem is that there are a lot of affluent parents and I think some of my coworkers assume I am one of them. Every Tuesday, before I leave for the week, several people wave to me and say, “Enjoy your LONNNNNNNNG weekend!” or “Gosh, I wish it was MY Friday too.” At first I just laughed it off, but it’s been almost a year, and it’s every week. It’s getting old.

Do they think I’m this woman of leisure? If it matters, my clothes are from Old Navy and Target and my car is a not-fancy station wagon that’s older than my kid! On the days I’m not here, I’m taking care of a child with intensive medical needs, tutoring my oldest so she can keep up at school, cooking, cleaning, driving (my husband travels and is gone the majority of each week) and at night after my kids are in bed, I do freelance work. I average about 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I work HARD. To me, my weekend is the two days I’m at the school! They are the quietest, most relaxing days I have. I get to sit down!

I know I’m taking it too personally, right? Who cares what these people think? I guess I just don’t get why people would say something like that to someone they don’t really know? How about “Have a good week!” and leave it at that? After a year, would you snap and say something?

I think you’re reading too much into it! Maybe they think you’re a lady of leisure, or maybe they don’t. But either way, their comments almost certainly aren’t meant to be pointed barbs about the luxurious lifestyle they imagine you have. The comments sound more akin to hackneyed office commentary like “is it Friday yet?” or “another day in paradise!” — the cliche phrases that get thrown around every office that are really just a way of saying “ugh, work, amirite.”

But if it really bothers you, one option is to share more about your life with your colleagues — since if they get to know you better, they might still make the comments but you’ll probably be less likely to read an “enjoy your riches” subtext into them. But you could also just laugh and say, “Yeah, right. It’s way more relaxing here than at home.” (Although writing that last one out, I’m second-guessing it; you don’t want to sound like you’re minimizing their own jobs compared to your home responsibilities, particularly in a cultural context where moms who work often feel judged by moms who don’t and vice versa.)

2. Jobs with no negotiation and a huge salary range

I recently came across a job listing that stated they would be using a salary algorithm to determine compensation and would not be allowing any negotiation. I found this a little odd, especially since the range given for the position was quite large ($145,000-$225,000). The organization gives signs of valuing equity and inclusion (generous PTO and six months paid parental leave, explicit professional development benefits outlined in the job posting), so it feels like this is their attempt to ensure all applicants get treated fairly in determining compensation. Am I right that this is a little off-base, especially since they weren’t clear what variables are fed to the algorithm? Or is this the way all jobs should be looking to make salary negotiations more fair?

I have no problem with not allowing negotiation if they’re clear up-front about what a job pays and the initial posting is both accurate and thorough; people can then decide whether or not they’re interested in applying.

But a range this big? Whether negotiation is possible or not, they need to explain what skills and experience would get you placed where in that range (and the larger the range, the more important that is). Clearly they know because they’ve programmed their algorithm with it. Telling people, “Our offer will be take-it-or-leave-it and, by the way it could fall anywhere within an $80,000 spread” is BS — and a good way to make a lot of candidates question whether they want to invest time in interviewing. (If they tell you where you would fall in their range during the first phone screen, I’m less annoyed, but it’s still not good practice.)

3. Covid precautions at a client dinner

I am a high-performing WFH employee at a very small company. I take more Covid precautions in my daily life than anyone else at this company (I technically am high-risk but with a very common condition). When the team gets together, I wear a mask, and the rest of the team has seen this but never commented. In a few weeks, a client is coming to town and a few members of my team are taking them out to dinner. Client management like this isn’t in the scope of my work, but I anticipate being included in this invite.

I do not want to go and want to explain that any precautions I would take at this dinner (mask when not eating, portable air purifier) would look “weird” and run counter to the dinner’s goal of soothing and retaining clients. Is there a way for me to communicate this clearly without making it a “big deal” in such a small company? (We do not have a formal HR department.) I have a yearly review scheduled for the same week and don’t want this to occupy mindshare.

“Because I’m high-risk for Covid, I’d have to mask and bring a portable air purifier. From a client relations perspective, my sense is it would be better for me to sit this one out so that my precautions aren’t the focus.”

Also, if you’d feel safer not going even if they want you to come despite this warning, then I’d skip that and just say that because you’re high-risk, you’re avoiding indoor dining with large groups (if that’s true).

4. My boss told me not leave documents out — is her reason correct?

My boss has me filing work order documents, I left two folders on my desk to work on the next day. When I came in the next morning, she told me that I needed to make sure to put the folders away always, and not keep them on my desk because if we got randomly audited she would get in trouble.

I don’t know if this is true or she used it as an excuse to have me keep the files in the drawers. I would just like to know if we would get in trouble if we were suddenly randomly audited and work order files were found outside of the cabinet.

Sure, depending on the contents of the documents and if they’re confidential, it’s possible that an audit could take issue with them being left in the open. It’s also possible that your boss just doesn’t like documents left out and is borrowing the authority of the auditor rather than owning her preference, who knows.

More to the point, though, it doesn’t really matter! If your boss asks you to store documents a certain way, you should store them that way. Unless your boss is asking something unreasonable or unrealistic, you generally need to do your job the way she asks you to. (That doesn’t mean there’s no room for pushback if you have a reason for wanting to do it differently. But ultimately it’s her call.)

5. Is it legal not to pay someone if HR’s software fails?

A weird situation, and for legal context all of this is happening at a university in Massachusetts. I’m just so angry, and I can’t tell if I have a right to be angry or if HR is correct.

We hired a student in May, but HR’s software made a mistake and only hired her for September. The student, bless her heart, didn’t tell us about this until three pay periods had passed, and we, of course, emailed HR to ask them to fix this. They, in their “wisdom,” hired her and put her on the normal pay period as she had just missed the cutoff, so she will now have not been paid for two months.

I have been emailing back and forth with HR asking them to pay her sooner than the normal payroll, or make her whole beyond what she is owed, but they keep insisting that because she was only hired at the official time there is no reason to. I say, however, that if their software makes a mistake that does not mean that she was not hired, and she is owed her money as soon as possible and with restitution.

Honestly, I am going to continue to suggest to the student that she work with her union to file a wage complaint, but am I crazy? Does a software mistake on HR’s part mean that this student was never “hired” and therefore does not need to be paid as if HR made a mistake?

You are right and HR is wrong. Employers are legally required to pay employees within specific time periods set out by state law, and “our software messed it up” doesn’t release them from that obligation. Here’s what Massachusetts’s pay deadlines are.

Caveat: government sometimes excludes themselves from the employment rules they lay out for everyone else, so if this is a public university you’d need to check whether they’re exempt from this (although I doubt they are). Either way, I suggest saying to HR, “State law requires us to pay wages owed within X days of the pay period ending. She’d be within her rights to file a wage complaint with the state if we don’t comply with the law.”

Also, if you’ve been dealing with the same HR person through all of this, consider escalating it over their head.