Ask a Manager

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. My interviewer mocked my speech impediment

I recently had a job interview that was extremely unpleasant. I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say, there were so many red flags that the conference room was practically shrouded in a crimson miasma. I’m writing to share what was, to me, the most egregious moment. When I introduced myself to the hiring manager, she promptly blurted out: “Where are you from, Rhode Island? (imitating (me?)) Look at Missusth Daffy Ducky speakth through her teef.”

I’ve never been to Rhode Island, for the record. I don’t sound remotely like I’m from Rhode Island. I have no idea how Rhode Island plays into all this. Was she conflating “Looney Tunes” with “Family Guy?” The mind boggles. Anyway…

My speech is pretty unusual and distinctive. I had a severe speech impediment when I was a kid. Speech therapy tamed the worst of it, but I still have a mild lisp and probably will for the rest of my life. It is definitely noticeable, but nothing that prevents me from speaking clearly and coherently. I’ve actually done very well in roles that required a lot of public speaking, possibly because I’m so used to putting in conscious effort to enunciate clearly and carefully! I certainly don’t sound like Daffy Duck.

Complicating things further, I had a very transient upbringing — I grew up not only in numerous states but also in several foreign countries (think military). As a result, I have a bizarre patchwork accent that people can’t place easily.

So, yeah, I sound weird. I KNOW I sound weird. It’s my biggest insecurity. Not coincidentally, I’ve always felt most comfortable in diverse, multinational workplaces where there are all kinds of accents and English-speaking abilities. About half of my coworkers at my last workplace were immigrants, mostly from India and China. So nobody cared that I had an accent, or that I sometimes struggled with pronouncing English words perfectly — I was in good company!

Obviously, I have no intention in pursuing this position further. But should I report this interaction to the company? If it was just me, I would shrug it off. But I know it can’t just be me! For one, I can’t imagine this hiring manager treats immigrants or even American-born POC decently, let alone fairly. If that’s how she treats people who don’t have a generic, bog-standard Midwestern accent, I wonder now if she would have even interviewed me if it weren’t for my white-sounding name. Moreover, I feel like singling out my speech impediment with that ugly little Daffy Duck impersonation must be an ADA violation of some kind … right? I sure don’t feel like I was treated fairly.

Could you clarify this for me? Typing it all out, the answer feels like an obvious “yes, report it” to me. But I there’s a very loud and mean part of me saying “shit happens, so get over it, ya weird lisping-hybrid-mutant-accent-having freak.”

Yes, please report it; this is awful. Not only was she cavalierly cruel for no reason, but it (a) raises a ton of questions about how she treats candidates who are different in other ways too, as you point out and (b) opens the company to legal liability under the Americans with Disabilities Act (because if you wanted to argue that she didn’t hire you because of your speech impediment, she handed you a lot of ammunition). She’s also apparently profoundly ignorant about how to treat people, which is a problem in anyone but particularly a problem in a manager, interviewer, and person representing the company.

You could frame it as, “I want to share with you why I’m withdrawing from this hiring process and hope this is not how you want your interviewers treating people with disabilities.”

2. I’m having a baby unconventionally — how do I talk about it at work?

I’m coming up at the point of wanting children, some time in the next 2/3 years. However, I do not have a partner and don’t anticipate getting one in that time frame. I have prepared to go it alone and have made financial and housing plans accordingly. My intention is to have a baby using a sperm donor, through the clinic that I choose, so I won’t know them. In addition, I do not plan to use my own eggs. There are many very generous couples who donate eggs or even embryos so that other people can have children, too.

I have chosen this for a specific reason: I am neurodivergent — specifically, autism and ADHD. The genes in my family for these are strong and in hindsight many members of my immediate family could very well have been diagnosed had it been accessible to them. The blunt truth is, I do not want to pass this onto my child. I know it is partly selfish — I was a difficult child, despite being academically gifted — and partly because it would not be fair to have a child knowing that they are likely to continue our family tree with all the difficult “quirks” we possess. I am an adult who has learned to live with these conditions — I have a job, I am successful in it, etc. so I am not incapable — but I want to break this genetic legacy.

How do I explain to the people I work with that a) this child will not be genetically mine and b) I don’t want to have a child of my own? It will not be likely that I can conceal the first part — as embryos are donated, the child may not match my ethnicity and appearance. And I don’t want to spend time justifying why I chose this. Oh, and c) how do I explain to people that yes, autistic people want to be parents, and they may do it unconventionally but it doesn’t make them less of a parent or mean their child is worse off?

My workplace is generally positive and diverse — I work in a department that attracts the neurodivergence like flies to honey — but people don’t always think before they speak, and there is a lot of criticism for parents who are not … typical in the media which I worry could impact their perspective of me. I’m not sure how to address this with both my managers (during my IVF journey and afterwards) and with my colleagues in a way that is positive but also firm in my decision?

You actually don’t need to share most of that! Not because there’s anything shameful about any of it, but because it’s no one’s business, especially at work. You are simply having a child (and then later, you simply have a child). No one is entitled to know whether your child’s origins were through IVF or sex, or whether you used your own eggs or not, or where the donor sperm came from, or any of it!

You’re simply excited to share that you are having a child. That’s it! If anyone asks about the father, you can say, “I’ll be raising the baby on my own.” Colleagues don’t need to know whether that means IVF, or a relationship that didn’t last, or a father who chose not to be involved. (Obviously if there are specific people who you’re close to who you choose to share details with, that’s different — and you can let your comfort level and the relationship be your guide there.)

If anyone is rude enough to comment on your child not looking like you, you’re under no obligation to answer their questions … and you’d probably find it helpful to delve into the writing of parents from mixed race and adoptive families about how they choose to field intrusive questions about their kids.

3. I’m a remote manager and nervous about a private meeting on my staff members’ calendars

I am a remote manager and my staff is on-site. I am six months into this position and this is the first time using this model.

I have been in my profession for 20 years, but this current job is very different than what I was doing previously so there is a lot to learn. I am not aware of any issues, but today I noticed my only two staff members had a private appointment scheduled at the same time. My boss’s calendar (also on-site) was also busy during that time but I can’t see it so I don’t know exactly what it said.

Of course, in my mind it was them meeting with him and I’m stressed about it. Do I try and get it out of my head and let it go, or what should I do? I don’t want to ask my staff what the appointment was, so I don’t know that there is anything I can do.

There are lots of reasons their calendars could have been blocked off at the same time that don’t portend anything bad for you — anything from collaborating on a mundane project together, to planning a surprise party for the guy in accounting, to simple coincidence that means nothing at all. Your boss also might do a routine check-in with your staff about how things are going, which is a smart thing for bosses to do from time to time, especially when there’s a new manager in the mix  (but even when there’s not).

But to indulge your worry a bit: What’s your sense of how things have been going? How do you think your team members think things have been going? And then … what are you basing that on? If you don’t really know how they think things are going, you could take this as impetus to check in with them more often, talk about what they need and how you can support them, and ensure that you’re cultivating an environment where they can be reasonably candid with you. On the other hand, if you feel you have a good sense of their perspectives and are fairly confident they don’t see significant problems, it makes sense to relax about what the calendar entries,, figure it’s unlikely to be a problem for you (and if is, you’ll presumably know soon enough), and trust that there are a ton of other things that could account for it.

Related:
my boss called a mysterious meeting with me and I’m afraid I’m going to be fired

4. We’re reimbursed less than the federal mileage rate

I work at a nonprofit. We are currently getting $.58 per mile reimbursed. I am one of a handful of employees that travels frequently to other sites to work. I would say I reimburse about 1,200 miles per year.

I recently brought up to our GM that we’re not getting the federal rate ($.67). He said it was probably just outdated, and we would look at aligning with the federal rate. However, our ED says that we’re a nonprofit so we can offer whatever we want for reimbursement. What say you? I know it’s not illegal, but how would the staff counter this?

Your ED is right that they can offer whatever mileage reimbursement rate they want, but it’s not because they’re a nonprofit. Private employers aren’t required to reimburse mileage at all (except in California, Illinois, and Massachusetts) so if they choose to, they can set the mileage rate at whatever they want.

That said, you and your coworkers could point out that the federal mileage rate is calculated to represent your actual costs (not only gas, but the wear and tear to your vehicle) and argue that employees shouldn’t be out money simply for performing their work duties.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I’m biased toward midwestern candidates

At the east coast company I work at, I’m frequently on hiring committees for competitive positions that typically include a wide range of candidates from all over the U.S. I recently noticed a concerning pattern in the candidates that I have advocated for hire. Essentially, when other qualifications are relatively equal, I nearly always prefer the midwestern candidate. (I am from the midwest and work remotely from the midwest) for their personability and communication style. And generally, my opinion holds a strong sway for who ends up being hired. While I’ve never advocated for a midwest hire who isn’t one of top candidates in terms of objective qualifications and interview responses, I still don’t think this is a great look.

What can I (and the company in general) do to reduce this type of bias during hiring? Should I just hold my opinion if we are between a handful of candidates and I prefer the midwestern one?

A quick caveat: I am, unfortunately, amazing at recognizing midwestern accents, especially in people from the Great Lakes regions (or from the city of Chicago).

Yeah, “like me” bias is really common in hiring, and it’s good that you’re recognizing it! We (often) naturally prefer people who remind us of ourselves and feel comfortable/familiar to us. It’s especially telling that you noted your preference is based on their “personability” and communication style, because those are two things that are really subjective and can be big sources of bias.

So how do you mitigate it? First and foremost, make sure that you’re assessing all candidates on the same list of must-have and nice-to-have traits, and that you’re clearly defining what each of those looks like and not just “I know it when I see it.” For example, you might assess communication style and personability through metrics like: enthusiasm for engaging with people; conveying points clearly; listening carefully and asking questions to understand others’ perspectives; and being able to put people at ease, especially people different from themselves (that last part is key). Also, involve diverse voices in your hiring process (and make sure you get aligned with them about the must-have’s and how to assess those so that everyone is measuring against the same bar; otherwise people will default to their own criteria). Ask people to fill out written assessments independently, so they’re not overly influenced by what you or others think, and ask them to peg their ratings to observable behaviors, not gut feelings.

Those two things won’t solve it entirely — bias is a huge and complicated thing that takes significant work to mitigate — but they should help significantly, and should also surface places where earlier you might have been influenced by bias without even realizing it.

2. The right way to clean up after a reply-all email storm

My inbox was victimized by an external email storm yesterday, and it made me curious about how you’d advise the organization at the center to proceed in the aftermath. A university career center recently launched a new hiring platform to connect students and employers, and they sent a webinar invitation to recruiters across the region — corporate, public sector, school districts, etc. Something went wrong in the system and an automatically generated reply went to everyone, which then generated a service ticket email that also went to everyone. Enter Corporate Recruiter A, who responded, “I’m not sure why I’m on this service ticket.” For some reason this email also generated a subsequent service ticket email. Enter Corporate Recruiter B, who responded, “Same here.” (HELPFUL. Are both of you new to email? And technological systems in general?) City Employee chimed in, “I am getting multiple emails from this. Is there something you need from me?” And then Corporate Recruiter C opened the floodgates with, “Please remove me from your mailing list.” Cue hundreds of recruiters from the region asking to be removed from the list, followed by a handful of well-intentioned folks with the “STOP REPLYING” directives. Every one of these emails generated a separate service ticket email, so it was like the BOGO of email storms.

800 emails later, it has finally stopped. If you were the university, would you ignore all those requests from recruiters to be removed, since you need them to be recruiting your students and they were most unwittingly responding to one specific event? Or are you obligated to honor their request? Do you dare send a follow-up email to explain and apologize? Do you do personal outreach to the recruiters who participated in the melee to mend relations? Just to recruiters from high-value contacts, e.g. Fortune 500 companies and major local employers? Cut the registration fee for your next career fair as a mea culpa?

The emails were annoying, of course, but I mainly felt sorry and frustrated for the university employees. If I were them and I were instructed to send an apology email, I’m not sure I could stop myself from including some “electronic mail guidance for noobs” on how to disengage from an email storm…

Eh, people asking to be removed in that context usually mean “remove me from this shitstorm,” not necessarily “never contact me again.” I don’t think you’d need to unsubscribe all of them, as long as you’re very, very sure that the problem has been solved. You could send an email a day or so later apologizing and assuring people the problem has been fixed and won’t recur (make sure that’s true! the last thing you need is for that email to set up a whole new flood) and offering an unsubscribe link for people who want it. (That said, you’d want to look at CAN-SPAM and any other applicable laws to make sure you’re in compliance.)

I don’t think anyone would expect you to cut the registration fee or call people personally to apologize. (I’d actually be more annoyed by a phone call about it, in an “I still can’t get away from this?” kind of way.)

Related:
the burnt bagel, the excessive candor, and other reply-all email catastrophes

3. How open should I be about family stress that may affect me at work?

I’m tangentially connected to an ongoing family issue which is apparently on the verge of boiling over and causing some irrevocable damage to the extended family. There’s a high likelihood of my brother and his wife divorcing, and they have two kids under 10. There was a deliberate attempt to conceal the issues from me, up to and including lying to my face about how things are with them.

This affects my work only slightly: My work is pure physical labor. I deliberately made more work for myself when counting new stock as a healthy way to vent my frustrations and distract myself, and I explained my reasoning for doing that. At what point am I giving too much information, or at what point is giving specific details that there is an issue ongoing necessary?

Hmmm, it really depends on the details. If no one will even notice that you’re doing something differently to get more of a physical outlet, you don’t need to say anything at all. If it’s going to be noticeable, sure, say, “I”m working out some family stress on these boxes right now!” But there’s a fairly narrow window for how much of that is okay at work — tackling boxes extra vigorously is fine, but if it comes close to looking like hostile aggression (even though it’s directed toward inanimate objects, not another person), it’s inappropriate for work. If someone would be nervous about coming near you, you’ve crossed a line. Regardless, though, people don’t really need to know the details of what’s going on with your family.

(For what it’s worth, and I realize I’m saying this knowing almost nothing about the situation: avoid judging other people’s marriages and divorces as much as you can. Divorce is sad, especially when kids are involved — but lots of grown children, including me, will tell you firsthand that the damage to kids when their parents don’t divorce but should can be harder on them than a split would have been. Your brother also didn’t owe you a full account of what was happening within his marriage before he was ready to share. Again, I don’t know the details and certainly there are situations that would enrage any reasonable bystander — but when your feelings about someone else’s marriage are looming this large, it’s worth questioning.)

4. Do I owe a previous employer help with their questions now?

I gave two weeks notice at my job. My manager, the owner of the company, sent a message to all the team leads that I would be leaving and I sent the team leads and the other person on my team a message that I had cleared my calendar and would be happy to meet with them to facilitate my departure. I also created a document outlining several tasks that remained and where I was with each of them.

The other person on my team, Sara, set up a meeting with our accounting firm and participated in several meetings in which the managing owner and she were present but I was excluded. Which is fine, but I did not have any insight into what decisions were reached, so I assumed they had everything in hand. I had one meeting with the two owners and Sara, where they said they felt my procedures were excessive and overdone and instead of learning them, they said there was a better way to do my job. (That was fine with me — I was leaving anyway.) I also asked Sara if she wanted to set a time to go over procedures and how to do tasks, as most would fall on her plate, but she insisted she already knew. No one got in touch, no one asked questions, no one showed any interest in anything I had to share. I completed the document, wished everyone the best, and went on my way. No hard feelings, just excitement for my new role.

A couple weeks after I left, I received a message from Sara with questions — where things were, if I had finished a report, etc. etc. I did not feel like I had any responsibility to answer. I don’t have hard feelings, but I feel like no one wanted my help while I was leaving and now I don’t owe them anything further. I don’t think of myself as bitter or angry, just happy to move on. Am I wrong? Should I have answered all the questions?

You’re right on the principle of it: you tried repeatedly to help with the transition while you were still there and they made it clear that they didn’t want your help and felt they knew better. So it’s particularly irritating that they’re coming back to you now.

That said, it generally makes sense to be willing to answer one or two simple questions after you’re gone if you can do so very quickly, simply for the purpose of maintaining good will. But I’m talking about things like “do you remember where the X report is?” not “can you walk me through the history of this client and all the strategies we’ve tried with them in the past” — and also only one or two, not endless or ongoing contact. So if it would have taken only a minute or two to respond to Sara, I’d advise just doing it. You don’t have to, though; it also would have been fine to let the message sit for a week and then reply with, “Hmmm, I don’t know off the top of my head, but check the documentation I left.” (Or even not reply at all.)

5. I have no idea who to give my resignation to

I’ve decided to quit my job! However, I’m not sure who to give my notice to. My boss has left, and her boss is a C-suite executive I’ve never met. I’m sure I’m overthinking this, but I’m in a very senior role with no clear redundancy / transition plan for my responsibilities, and want to make sure I’m setting my team up for continued success after I’m gone. So who do I talk to about all of this? What are the appropriate protocols here?

Who are you going to for other management things right now? If there were a crisis in your department, who would you talk to? That’s probably the right person to resign to. If there’s no clear answer to that, then default to your ex-boss’s boss. If that’s impractical, head to HR, explain the situation, and let them straighten it out.

Read an update to this letter. 

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can I work remotely across the country if I’ve been having health problems?

I am a primarily in-office knowledge worker who gets Fridays to WFH. Over the last couple of months, I’ve been having heart-related health issues that rest seems to help. I’ve asked for one, maybe two days to WFH on the days that it is intense and I can’t get the flare-ups to go away on my own. Nothing wild or egregious. WFH is an incredibly touchy subject at my office because so many people are resentful of having to come in when this “requirement” is not being consistently enforced.

I was granted a week to work from home while the rest of my team (including my boss and the entire leadership team) is out of town for a big event that I’m not supporting. Almost no one will be online, and if they are, they’ll be focused on other things and not checking for me. I thought it might be nice to get out of town during this week for a change of scenery and not just sit in my house all week. I booked a trip out of town with the intention of being online during my team’s usual working hours, since I don’t see a ton of difference between being online at my house and being online in a different city if it’s the same hours and level of responsiveness.

My coworker made a point that the optics of this trip aren’t great, because asking to WFH a couple of times because of heart issues is out of sync with flying across the country and exploring a different city. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal since I’ll just be in my hotel room during business hours and very gently exploring the town outside of those hours, but I see her point. I hadn’t considered that until she said something, and this is someone whose judgement I trust a lot, especially when it comes to how leadership perceives our actions.

What do you think — are the optics of going out of town with health issues odd, or can I safely do this if I’m not super outspoken about where I’ll be logging in from? I’ll need to tell my boss I’ll be offline for a bit on my travel days, but not sure how specific I need to be. Would love your perspective on this so I don’t throttle my reputation on this team. (I’ve been here three years and my boss thinks highly of me, so I’m feeling pretty good about my personal capital, if that helps.)

People with heart issues can travel. There’s nothing incongruous about taking a trip while also occasionally needing to work from home for health reasons.

That said, there are potentially some optics issues that have nothing to do with your health: some managers will wonder whether “I want to fly across the country and work from there while the rest of the office is gone” actually means “I think I’ll vacation that week and just do the bare minimum while everyone else is gone anyway.” If you have a good track record, they shouldn’t think that — but since your office is already weird about people working from home, adding in the trip might be pushing it. (If your office were more chill about WFH, I’d give different advice.)

There are also all the usual issues about security and tax compliance when you’re working from a different location (which your office may or may not care about, but you should be aware of them).

2. Candidate no-showed for a high-level interview

I’m on a panel interviewing for a director-level role at a major national nonprofit. By the time I talk to them, candidates have already gotten through a screening process which asks about relevant experience, completed a phone screen, and interviewed with the hiring manager. For this role, we received at least 80 applications and are holding five panel interviews, hoping to narrow down to one person for the head of the department to consider.

So today we’re on the Teams call for the 60-minute panel interview; it’s our fourth this week, getting pretty routine. The scheduled time comes and goes. We give it 15 more minutes. Nothing from the candidate; no contact in any way (phone or email) to anyone in our organization, including the hiring manager, HR, or our general switchboard. Eventually, we all sign off.

If the candidate had some crazy experience that prevented them from signing on, we will of course reschedule — we’re all parents/dog-owners/humans too, after all — but what if they just … forgot? This isn’t an entry-level position where the candidates are likely applying to everything within reason so maybe an interview here or there could fall through the cracks. This would be a major upgrade for a late-career professional, so I’d be surprised if they just ghosted.

We do have other candidates, including some with experience that’s a slightly better match — which we were going to give this person a chance to discuss! Does this incident (again, barring a legit excuse) automatically disqualify them? Should the hiring manager have reached out to them after 10 or so minutes to ask if they’re still planning to join, or take it as a sign that this wasn’t meant to be?

It the person wasn’t a strong candidate anyway, I’d just drop it and move on to other candidates. If they contact you with an explanation and ask to reschedule, you can decide at that point.

But if they’re a promising candidate, I’m a fan of emailing after 10 minutes or so: “You didn’t connect for our 3 pm call today; I hope everything is okay. Please reach out if you’re still interested in the position.” That way you’re acknowledging that something big may have gotten in the way, but leaving it in their court to contact you and explain if they want to. (That said, if you see other signs of disorganization during your dealing with them, take those very seriously.)

3. Should I say something about a coworker’s public LinkedIn job search?

I’m a manager on a classic “small but mighty” team, responsible for many of the company’s back office operations. We are exceedingly understaffed — each manager’s team (including my own) is down at least a headcount, if not more, with no word from upper management on go-forward plans, no acknowledgement that the situation is unsustainable, and currently no hope of backfilling open positions (because the lion’s share of the division’s budget went, very visibly, to other teams). Analysts are being asked to pick up way more work than they have before, and managers have taken up analyst tasks as well to fill gaps in addition to their own work – unsurprisingly, everyone is stressed, overworked, and demoralized.

I paint this picture to ask about how I should handle a situation that I came across on LinkedIn: an analyst on our team, who reports up to a different manager, has been commenting publicly on LinkedIn posts stating that they’re highly interested in an available position, that they applied for an open position and are enthusiastic about it, etc. I do not blame them in the slightest for looking elsewhere (though I personally wouldn’t go about it quite so publicly while still employed), but given the staffing challenges we’re already facing, is this something I should let their manager know about in some way, or is it none of my business? Normally I would have concerns about risking this analyst’s job by saying something, but given how short-staffed we are, I can’t envision anyone getting fired for anything short of an actual crime … and given how short-staffed we are, we really can’t afford to lose another good team member, at least not without a fight. How should I handle this, if at all?

Leave it alone. If your colleague’s manager doesn’t realize that people in the situation you described might be job-searching, I’m skeptical they have the ability to handle the info well if you did offer it.

At the very most you could say something like, “I’ve seen some indications some team members are job-searching because of the workload, so if there are people you definitely wouldn’t want to lose right now, it might be smart to talk with them about how we can retain them.” But don’t name the person you saw.

4. Should I tell my company I’m leaving over a matter of conscience?

I saw the recent letter “Should my resignation letter include 700 words on why I’m leaving?” and had a similar question. I’m considering resigning over a matter of conscience. I don’t know if I will, but if I do, do I tell them why? I’m not interested in causing problems or creating drama, and I certainly don’t expect anyone to share my convictions/conscience (they’re personal and they’re mine). But I’m torn. On the one hand, I feel that if I’m leaving over a matter of conscience, it would be cowardly or disingenuous to not tell the truth about why (and I ​will be asked). But on the other hand, the matter of conscience is personal, so is it even their business? I don’t want to burn bridges. I have a good relationship with everyone I work with, and I’ve been there for quite a few years. What would I say if not the truth?

This depends on so many things — what the matter of conscience is, how big the company is, how much you’re valued, how much of a loss they’ll see your departure as, how you’ve seen them respond to difficult feedback in the past, whether the feedback itself is in line with issues they’re already concerned about, whether your objection is to something fundamental in their business model or not (i.e., if you’re leaving big tobacco because you don’t like big tobacco, there’s not really useful info to offer there ) … it’s nearly impossible to offer broad principles when it’s so situation-dependent.

What I can say is that if (a) the matter of conscience is something they’d care about if they knew (like embezzlement or, I don’t know, behavior toward clients that’s out of sync with their values) or (b) you’re very valued, it’s a relatively small organization, and you have the ear of someone high up or with significant influence/power, it can be worth explaining why you’re leaving. Not by letter, like the person in the question you linked wanted to do, but in a real conversation.

You don’t have to do that. But if you want to and can check at least some of the boxes I listed above, you can.

5. Is something weird happening with my references?

My job hunt has lasted more than a year: I am currently employed and trying to be discerning. This week — for the second time in this lengthy search — I was asked for additional information after all my references were called. In this case, the employer requested writing samples and an explanation of how the job fits with my career goals. I provided the requested information, but it has left my mind reeling and my expectations low because of my previous experience.

Eleven months ago (different employer and position), I was asked for another interview after my references had been interviewed via Zoom, in addition to being asked follow-up questions in writing. Despite my apprehension at the non-standard procedure, I agreed because I really liked the employer. When I asked if they had concerns about my technical skills, the employer indicated they had additional questions about whether I would enjoy the work they do. Ultimately, the employer cancelled my interview with only two hours notice and a flimsy, one-line excuse that they “decided to go in a different direction.”

I have to wonder if it is me! I know that my references are not saying anything bad because they volunteer to divulge what they said and/or wrote. Also, I did not use all the same references both times.To me, calling references is the final step in the process, so this is honestly making me feel increasingly insecure. Is calling references no longer the last step in the interview process?

Checking references usually happens late in the process, but that doesn’t mean that employers only do it for a single finalist. Some employers check the references of everyone who’s still in the running at the finalist stage, or at least the final two candidates, and then use that info to make their final choice. And occasionally a reference check will spur an employer to go back to the candidate to clarify a particular point. However, that’s pretty rare — and I’m concerned that on two occasions now your references seemed to leave employers less certain about you.

In both those cases, the employer seemed to doubt your interest in the job: one wanted to know how the job fit with your career goals — at a much later stage than something so fundamental would normally be discussed — and the other wondered if you’d enjoy the work. That makes me think at least one of your references is introducing doubt about whether these positions are right for you. That wouldn’t have to be something a reference did deliberately; they might have no idea that they were even raising concerns for employers. (For example, is one of your references waxing on about how devoted you are to X and it’s your life calling, but the jobs you’re applying for have nothing to do with X?)

You said you used different references each time, but was there any overlap at all? Either way, I’m concerned that something is happening on those calls that you need to dig into.