Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker does extreme sports whenever she’s out sick

I have a coworker, “Pattie,” who has a remote work accommodation due to a mental health diagnosis. For the past year, she has been chronically late to meetings, missed deadlines, and been difficult to reach. This would already be bad, but to make matters worse, she insists on leading projects (for example, creating and facilitating a presentation for over 50 participants) and on the day of, ends up being a no-show without advance warning!

Pattie has a public social media account where she posts all about the extreme sport she is involved in (for anonymity, let’s say she does BMX). We’ve noticed that during times when she was “sick” or a no-show, she has posted videos of new bicycle tricks, or videos from international BMX competitions (not surprising we can’t reach her when she is apparently hours ahead of our local time). She also appears to have a sponsorship for knee pads, which she posts about as well. Infuriatingly, we are city employees, so she’s using taxpayer dollars to subsidize her budding career as a BMX influencer.

As you can imagine, morale on our team has been abysmal. One of us recently left, I am next (yay), and more are on their way out. I’m leaving, so this question isn’t about my personal sanity, and more about what advice you would give my manager. My manager is a decent person, and was really manipulated by Pattie, so she didn’t understand how big of a problem this was until the resignations started pouring in. Reading between the lines, I am pretty sure that my manager went to HR and HR said that there isn’t enough evidence to take action against Pattie (bureacracy!) What is the right thing for a manager to do in this situation when she’s completely shut down by HR? Is there any way to restore morale on the team, or is it too late?

The law that requires companies to make accommodations for medical conditions doesn’t say “the employee can do anything they want because they have a medical condition.” It says that they need to be offered reasonable accommodations if those will allow the employee to perform the essential functions of her job, and if the accommodations don’t cause undue hardship to the company. I can’t speak to Pattie’s job specifically, but in many, many jobs meeting deadlines, remaining reachable, and not no-showing without warning would be considered essential functions of the job that she’d still need to meet.

Moreover, if she’s definitely lying about being sick, that’s a separate problem; medical accommodations don’t let someone lie to get additional time off. To be thorough, I want to note that it’s possible that Pattie isn’t lying about being sick — for example, any chance she’s posting those videos on her days off but they were made at an earlier time? — but I’m guessing you have enough info to know that’s the not the case, and the competition dates are presumably public.

Ideally your manager would work with HR to clearly define the essential responsibilities of the role and lay those out for Pattie, and to make it clear what they can and can’t accommodate and what the consequences will be if XYZ doesn’t change. But if you have incompetent HR that doesn’t understand the law or their jobs, as well as higher leadership that allows HR to obstruct managers, they may be nothing your boss can do other than to leave herself.

2. Can I ask to skip a performance review?

I’ve been pretty miserable at my job for the past few months, and while I know I need to secure a new position, I don’t have one yet. I am considering just quitting at this point, because the stress is making it really hard to job hunt while also doing my job (this is extremely dramatic given that it’s not even a bad job, I’m just a really really bad fit for it).

I have a performance review coming up (which sure is not going to be positive!), and I just can’t do it. I am going to cry the whole time. Is there any way I can gracefully request we NOT go through this process which will be painful for me and a waste of time for them?

Probably not, I’m sorry! If you had resigned and had an end date set, almost definitely — few managers will think there’s any point in going through the performance review process at that point, unless your job has a truly frightening level of bureaucracy that would require it anyway. But otherwise, you can’t really say, essentially, “I don’t want to talk about how things are going or where I need to improve” (which is the point of the process).

3. Bringing in puzzles to a new job

A few months ago, one of my coworkers started bringing jigsaw puzzles into our break room and it’s been a fun little lunch activity! I generally go out to eat and come back to the office with about 30 minutes of lunch time left, and before then I spent it in my cubicle because I felt a little awkward sitting in the break room when I wasn’t eating anything.

Now, I’ll spend it working on the puzzle, and if another coworker comes in, we generally both work on it together and chat a little. It’s nothing major, but I feel like it helps to give us a topic to talk about, and it’s nice to use your brain for something else for a little bit. It seems like everyone else either enjoys it or doesn’t mind it.

It got me thinking about how this probably won’t be the culture at the next job I work at … but it’s not like it’s a super entrenched part of ours, you know? It only happened because one coworker started bringing them in, and he’s neither a manager or someone who’s worked here for a particularly long time. So my question is, when is it okay to be that coworker?

I think any time as long as you’re not brand new. I wouldn’t do it in your first month while you’re still learning the culture and people don’t know much about you yet — that risks missing some cultural cues that might have changed your plans if you’d caught them, and also risks looking a little too “I have just arrived but this is now my home and I will shortly be moving in a chaise and 20 spider plants” … but after you’ve been there a few months, go for it.

4. Can I ask my assistant to check in with me before she leaves?

I have what I think is a simple question about respectfully managing my assistant, Elsa. Elsa is a hard working, organized, and generally delightful person. The year I’ve worked with her has been a dream. She works an early schedule and leaves/signs off (hybrid office) at 4:30. I tend to start later and also work late because I’m a disorganized lawyer. In general, this works well — I send her a bunch of stuff in the evening and by the time I get in, she’s got it all done. However, there are times when I need something same-day, and often I don’t clock that 4:30 mark until she has left. Is it reasonable to ask her to check in with me around 4 everyday, just in case there’s a thing I’ve forgotten to ask for, or is this a me problem that I should learn to figure out on my end?

It’s reasonable to ask your assistant to check in with you every day at a certain time; that’s a thing that often gets asked of assistants. I think you’re hesitant to ask because your self-image is that you’re disorganized and you feel like you should overcome that without transferring any of the burden to her, but any good assistant would want to know that this would be helpful to you. It would be trickier if she weren’t your assistant — although even then you could ask it in a lot of cases as long as she reported to you — but in this case it’s an easy yes.

Is 4:00 early enough though? I might bump that to 3 or 3:30 to ensure she has time to complete whatever you might ask for without displacing other things she was planning for that time.

Read an update to this letter. 

5. How long should you keep paperwork from an old job?

I’m in the background check/employment verification stage of a new job. They need a record for jobs in the last 10 years. One of my jobs from that period was for a company that has since been acquired by a huge company with headquarters out of my home country and I can’t get in touch with anyone there. Luckily, I still have my offer letter from that role, and that was an accepted form of verification. But I’m a digital packrat. For those people who like to delete things, how long should you keep official paperwork from old jobs like paystubs, offer letters, etc?

Ten years is the most typical look-back period for employment verification. That doesn’t mean that you need every paystub from that period, but you should have something verifying your employment for each job, which could be an offer letter, one paystub per year, a year-end payroll summary if you got them, or so forth. You don’t have to do this, but it can make your life a lot easier if you do.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. We’re supposed to say grace at the start of team meals

I work in government. Fairly new to job, first time in government. Been in private sector and higher education before this. Every time my department has a group meal, they say grace. Led by either the director of the department or the staff member who is also a pastor. This is weird, right? I’m an atheist. We have at least one other on staff who practices a religion other than Christianity. In nearly any workplace this would be weird, but again, I work for THE GOVERNMENT, which makes it even more uncomfortable. Having group staff grace where it’s expected everyone is just fine with this is not inclusive, not considerate, and seems highly problematic. If you personally want to say grace over your meal, have at it! But the expectation of everyone participating or acquiescing and it being led by the director?

If I were to report this to HR or even our EEO, I know it’d get traced back to me for pretty obvious reasons (I am definitely the odd one out in the office on any number of things), and I can imagine it becoming something people will “jokingly” comment on … which again, isn’t a welcoming work environment. I don’t know what to do, or if I should do anything, but every time it happens I continue to just think “WTF.”

Yes, this is weird and inappropriate. It’s also not terribly uncommon in some parts of the U.S. Any chance you’re in the south? Surprisingly, it’s not illegal even though this is a government employer; government meetings are permitted to include prayer as long as they don’t force anyone’s participation in it (Supreme Court, Town of Greece v. Galloway, 2014).

Whether or not to say anything is really a personal decision; you need to weigh any likely blow-back and how much you care about that against how much it bothers you, especially as a new person.

If the director and/or pastor seem like decent people, you might have better luck talking with them privately rather than complaining to HR (since it’s not illegal) and asking them to reconsider the practice. A lot of people don’t realize grace isn’t some sort of non-denominational religious practice and think of it as almost secular in nature; it’s possible that by explaining that it’s not, you could get some traction (and even more so if you’re joined by any other coworkers who feel similarly).

Related:
I’m a public employee and the governor pushes religion at work

2. Is it unethical to automate people’s jobs away?

I’ve recently been lucky enough to snag the kind of job I’ve been looking for over months — relatively stable part-time data science work, which is very rare. Currently this is a side hustle, but eventually this could allow me to quit my full-time job and stay at home with my kids more. I am also going to learn a lot on the project that I’ve been assigned to and pick up some very desirable skills.

Here’s the problem. I am certain that the AI project I’m working on will eventually lead to other part-time workers losing their jobs, or at the very least reducing their hours. I am positive that the work people are doing by hand can be done really well by AI, and I’ve been hired to implement it. My project manager isn’t so sure — she said it’s a boring task and that whole “I want AI to do the dishes and not make art” tagline I’ve seen on social media — but she’s older and I worry she’s naive about the impact this can have. But maybe I’m younger and naive about the speed of change in public sector contracting.

I am a religious person, and the idea that I may be taking away part of people’s livelihoods is haunting me. But this work absolutely will be done by somebody eventually, and for me it’s my dream job. Is it unethical to do this kind of work?

I can’t answer that without more details about exactly what you’re going to be working on. But ultimately it doesn’t matter what I think about it anyway; it matters what you think. From the oil and gas industry to law enforcement to lobbying and on and on, people have all kinds of jobs that someone else might not feel ethically comfortable with, and many of our actions (both at work and not) unavoidably leave footprints in the world that we might prefer not be there. At the same time, many types of progress that we generally feel good about mean that some types of jobs are left behind as things evolve. (We don’t have knocker-uppers tapping at windows anymore either, although most of us consider alarm clocks an improvement.) But we all draw our lines in different places. You need to figure out where your lines are and what you will and won’t feel good about. I know that sounds like a cop-out, but it’s really so, so individual.

All that said, though, I’m not sure your project manager’s response quite gets at your concerns. Just because it’s a boring task doesn’t mean that people won’t suffer if they’re displaced from it.

3. How can I find out if my vacation time will be paid out when I leave?

My question is about how to give notice when it’s unclear whether banked PTO will be paid out—and there’s no way of finding that out without giving up the game.

My company is very small (nine employees) and does not conform to a conventional (or, really, any) organizational structure. HR is handled by one of our two owners, and by “HR” I mean stuff like dealing with benefits, payroll, and resources. I have virtually no contact with this guy, so it would be highly irregular for me to ask him anything — and all but an admission that I am looking to skedaddle if I asked about a possible PTO payout. There’s no other person I can ask who (A) would know the answer and/or (B) I can trust. (My state does not require vacation payout, so it’s up to individual companies.)

Normally, I’d not sweat this issue: I’d just give my two weeks and either be pleased that I got a payout or bummed that I didn’t. But — malcontent alert! — I am one of three employees who are still on board after launching this company as a startup 11 years ago, and in that time I’ve had ZERO raises despite the fact that the company has been increasingly profitable. Add to that some other cultural/role issues, and my inclination to be charitable here is … right in line with my raises. I’m not sure I’d be comfortable giving two weeks’ notice, learning that I was not going to get a payout, and then just cashing in (some of) my banked time to serve out those weeks. But I’m not sure I wouldn’t. Do you see some option or alternative I’ve overlooked?

Any chance you’re in touch with anyone who’s left who could tell you how it was handled for them? With such a small company, that might not be an option — but that’s one thing to check if you can.

Otherwise, I’d be inclined to simply ask when you resign whether vacation time is paid out. It they say it’s not, you can say, “Ideally I’d like to set my final day for November 6 (or whatever) but if that means I’ll lose all the vacation time I’ve accrued, I’ll need to take it before I leave since it’s part of my compensation.” Do be aware that some companies have policies against taking vacation time during your notice period (especially a big chunk of it as opposed to a day or two) so it’s possible that could become a point of contention — but it’s a reasonable stance to take, and you can try negotiating from there.

4. Am I cheap for seeking mileage reimbursement for business dinner travel?

I’m wondering about mileage reimbursement. Maybe six or so times a year, I have to drive about 60 miles round-trip for business dinners. These aren’t client meetings, but meetings for my professional organization city group. Very much a networking thing on behalf of my firm. I always put in for mileage reimbursement, and my firm gives it to me without questioning, but I’m wondering if this is a “cheap” thing of me to do. Is the mileage cost something that I should just eat?

Nope, you should continue submitting for it. It’s a business expense, not a personal one, and it’s not cheap to expect your company to cover the costs of business activities, as they’ve been doing.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. My new boss has a different work style than my old boss

I’ve been in my job for three years under James. I’ve liked working with him and have learned a lot. The work is fairly strategic in nature, and James often asked for multiple approaches to be tested and a lot of workshopping before making decisions. He prioritized creativity and thoroughness over speed. Mostly this worked out fine and he was never unhappy with my work, but sometimes it took a month to do something that I felt could have been done in a week. I would have preferred a little more independence and decisiveness, but overall it was fine. He would also sometimes assign projects and then forget about them when I was finished, which wasted time or resources.

James has recently been promoted and is no longer my supervisor. I am now supervised by his former boss, Michael. Michael approaches the role very differently. He is much more focused on getting results and while it’s been a bit more hectic, overall it’s a positive and I’ve been getting a lot more done and feel better that projects aren’t dragging out any longer.

Michael has not said anything negative to me but has occasionally queried why something from a while ago was never finished or why an earlier version of something took much longer. I’ve just said the priorities at the time were different but haven’t elaborated. I’m not sure if I should ask for a meeting to explain that I worked at a particular pace because that was what James wanted and I wasn’t slacking off or struggling before. Michael would not previously have known a lot about what I do but I don’t want him to have a negative impression so I’d like to clear the air, while also not blaming James for the previous slower turnarounds.

I’d love some advice on how to approach this or if I should even say anything. James still works here, and he and Michael are good friends.

I don’t think you’ll necessarily need a specific meeting to address it; it’ll probably be enough if you just add a bit more information each time Michael asks about one of these things. For example, rather than just explaining that X didn’t happen or took a long time because the priorities were different, you could say, “James wanted me to test X, Y, and Z before making a final decision about it, so that added a few weeks to the timeline.” Or, “I did X and Y on project Z but James ultimately decided not to pursue it.” This isn’t throwing James under the bus; it’s giving your current boss factual, relevant context about why things were done. At some point if it comes up organically you could also say, “James preferred to test a lot of angles and his style was to prioritize that over finishing more quickly. I actually really like finishing things quickly and find it more satisfying, so I think my style meshes more with yours in that regard.”

2. Can I have a picture of the president on my office wall?

I have a picture of the sitting president and vice president on the wall of my private corporate office. It is not in a common area like the break room, conference area, or hallway. Is this a violation?

That’s up to your company! But it’s definitely reasonable for them to say that people can’t put up partisan political messages at work, and they can have a legitimate interest in doing that. It might be more intuitive if you think about how you’d feel about a colleague who had a portrait of the previous sitting president in their office and how that could potentially affect your working relationship or simply be a distraction.

(This assumes you’re at a private employer. In the federal government, office buildings frequently hang portraits of the sitting president, although they’re typically in common areas. This is a weird tradition.)

3. “Have a great day!” in email signatures

A few people who report to me use an email signature that includes the words “have a good day” or “thank you and have a great day!” before their signature. Emails may include external or internal customer support, as well as day-to-day internal emails.

I find this off-putting. Emails could be anything from a neutral customer question, to a very serious problem with a customer account, to responding to a coworker who emailed about their mom being sick. Sometimes it just doesn’t fit with the rest of the email. I think I am also personally annoyed by being told to have a good day.

So far, I have not said anything. I assume they have added this to their email template out of kindness. In at least one case, I don’t have the best relationship with the person, and I don’t want to unnecessarily increase tension. Is this just a personal annoyance that I should get over? Is there a legitimate business case in asking them to remove it?

It’s mostly a personal annoyance that you should get over. There’s one exception: if they’re not editing that out of emails where it would be inappropriate (like a response to someone saying they’ll be out for bereavement, for example), you have standing to tell them to be vigilant about doing that. Otherwise, though, let it go — after all, if they were manually writing that out every time, it would be too micromanagery to tell them to stop. (This assumes that you’re working in a fairly typical environment where people have some autonomy over the way they write emails beyond this.)

4. Coworker keeps sending timecard reminders to our team’s social group text

My team recently doubled in size, and many of the new hires are in their early 20’s, either in their first or second job post-school. We also hired two leads, a brand new position for the expanded team. Both of the leads were outside hires, neither of whom had direct experience in our field, and it seems like one of them, “Taylor,” is struggling a bit to figure out what being a lead means. In their defense, one of the team managers is a huge micromanager and power hoarder who I suspect has not been sharing power well and who I know has pushed back on both leads when they’ve come to management with suggestions for what they might contribute. Neither management nor coworkers with more seniority know what the lead roles are either. (That’s part of the reason none of the existing staff applied for them.)

One way this has displayed for Taylor, though, seems to be trying to assert their authority as much as possible in ways that I and other coworkers I’ve chatted with find annoying and counterproductive. The most recent manifestation of this involves a coworker group chat of about 20 people started by one of the other new hires. Now, I don’t want to be in a 20-person group text in any context, but especially not for work. It’s mostly social with people sharing fun photos (followed by a dozen notifications of “Elliott liked this photo”), but recently Taylor has started using it to remind everyone to submit our timecards. They’re doing this by making memes about it, so not only do I get the text from them (before I’ve even clocked in that morning) but also the requisite 5-10 follow-ups that someone slapped an emoji response on the meme.

Taylor is not my (or anyone else’s) supervisor, and I do not need or want timecard reminders from them. I’ve muted my own notifications from that group but apparently my phone will neither allow me to leave the group entirely nor prevent notifications from showing in the status bar. Can I just respond in the group chat after the next timecard meme just saying, “Hey, can I request we keep this chat social and leave work messages for email or Teams?” I do like my colleagues and don’t want to seem crotchety, and I think for Gen Z a huge group chat is a pretty innocuous thing, but I am genuinely annoyed. Should I say something to Taylor in person so I’m not calling them out in front of everyone else? Should I just keep dismissing notifications and relax?

It’s reasonable to say, ““Hey, can I request we keep this chat social and leave work messages for email or Teams?” And actually it makes it less of a big deal if you just say it casually in the chat rather than having a whole one-on-one conversation with Taylor about it. If you want, you could add, “I don’t always check here and I don’t want to miss anything work-related that I need to see.”

But also, this would be A Lot for a lot of people. Could you suggest moving the whole thing to a Slack channel or something else that’s easier to mute/ignore and where you can turn off push notifications altogether (or only have it on work devices)?

However, all that only gets at the constant notifications problem, when it sounds like your real issue is with Taylor asserting authority that they don’t have. If that’s the piece you really want to address, that’s a one-on-one conversation with either Taylor or your manager — although if you go that route, focus on examples other than the timecard thing since, while that’s annoying, it’s likely to seem a little nitpicky. If you have more substantive examples, those will be more effective to use.