here are the 10 best questions to ask your job interviewer

by Alison Green on April 2, 2024

When I interview people for jobs, I’m always amazed by how many of them tell me they don’t have any questions for me when prompted. Like most interviewers, I set aside time for candidates to turn the tables and ask me their own questions – because you can’t make a good decision about whether to take a job otherwise. When someone doesn’t use that time to ask anything, it makes me wonder how critically they’re thinking about whether this is a job they really want, let alone one they’ll thrive in. After all, you’re contemplating spending 40+ hours a week in this role … surely there’s something you’d like to know.

Part of the problem is that people aren’t sure how to ask about the things they’d most like to know, like “are you a horrible micromanager?” or “is working here a nightmare?” They also worry that interviewers will read negative things into the questions they choose to ask (like if you ask about what hours most people work, will you look like a slacker?).

At New York Magazine today, I’ve got 10 good questions that will get you useful insights into whether the job is right for you.

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my boss says my work is bad, but all evidence says the opposite

by Alison Green on April 2, 2024

A reader writes:

I qualified as an accountant about 2.5 years ago and started a new job. I moved from a mid-level firm to a firm that’s one of the best in the industry for the niche field I’m in.

My line manager (let’s call him Sam) didn’t interview me, and from the first time I met him, he has consistently told me this job will be a big step up for me and that I’d be playing catch-up. I thought nothing of this at the time because I agreed and felt ready for the challenge.

I was put on a sort of informal reporting process within a few weeks of starting, attending quarterly reviews with Sam. Colleagues who had trained internally at the firm and who were at the same level as me didn’t have this. I’m working in a niche sector, so the only way to really learn is on the job. I therefore took these reviews as a positive — aren’t I lucky that Sam wants to help me catch up and is taking time out of his busy schedule to talk about my progress regularly?

I passed my probation period, but Sam said it was a very close call and I was underperforming. In particular, I needed to work on my attention to detail. I agreed with this feedback and have really stepped up my game over the last two years, regularly working 18-hour days and making sure my work is flawless before it is sent to anyone. My chargeable hours are 50% higher than anyone else in my team (at any level). I regularly cover for Sam in meetings when he can’t make them and have built working relationships with all his clients. Basically for the last two years, work and proving I’m not falling behind has been the biggest area in my life.

Recently I had an annual review and Sam again told me I’m underperforming. I was told that although my attention to detail had improved, my technical knowledge was not as would be expected at my level. I asked for an example and Sam gave me a particular report that I had sent to the client, with him cc’d. Turned out that this report had been produced by another director in the business (with 35 years experience as opposed to my 2.5) and I had just emailed it on to the client. I pointed this out to Sam and asked for other examples, and he said he couldn’t think of any. I asked for a follow-up meeting in a few weeks to give him time to come up with examples, and he basically said no.

I’m disappointed that I’m being held to this sort of standard and it feels unfair. I feel like I’m now good at my job, and have “caught up.” I’m doing more complex work and longer hours than my peers. All the written feedback I have received from others in the team has been glowing. Colleagues at the firm at similar levels to me are not being held to the same standard as me. Most of all I’m demotivated by the feedback and the way it was given without examples.

Am I being soft and is Sam really just trying to help me catch up, or does it sound like Sam has made his mind up about me being not good enough, regardless of how I perform?

It sure sounds like Sam wants you to believe you’re not good enough, regardless of how you perform. Whether he actually thinks that himself is a different mystery.

To review: Your billable hours are 50% higher than anyone else on your team, at any level. You regularly cover for Sam in meetings, and all your feedback from everyone else is glowing. The only example Sam could give you of your allegedly subpar work was from a report that, oops, turned out to be written by a director with 35 years of experience. There are no other examples.

It’s possible that there’s more to it than this and Sam just sucks at providing feedback. Maybe your work is below where it should be and Sam happens to be better positioned than anyone else to see that, which is why his feedback is different than everyone else’s. In theory you could be working 18-hour days (!) and still struggling.

But I doubt it. I doubt it because he can’t actually explain his feedback to you. He’s very, very comfortable criticizing you — and has been from day one — but when push came to shove, the only example he could provide turned out not even to be your work. When you asked for other examples, he refused.

So while it’s possible that there are legitimate issues with your work, it sounds awfully unlikely. It sounds more likely that the issue, for some reason, is Sam.

Is there someone else you can talk to about what’s going on — someone who sees enough of your work to know whether Sam is full of crap, or someone with the authority to look into it themselves? Ideally someone with the authority and standing to get you moved out from under Sam if, as it seems, he’s tearing down your performance for no reason? Or who can at least get you real feedback with concrete examples about your work, not someone else’s?

Something here doesn’t smell right.

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laying off employee who’s having chemo, quitting your job when you win the lottery, and more

by Alison Green on April 2, 2024

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My company plans to lay off my employee who’s having chemo

I have recently learned my company will be doing layoffs, and one of my direct reports is on the list. This dedicated employee, beloved by our team, has been undergoing chemotherapy for many months and losing his job will of course result in losing his health insurance. He prides himself in never having missed a day of work throughout his ordeal, sometimes even spending the night in the hospital and still coming to work the next day. He says the routine and distraction of work has been an anchor.

I’m appalled by the decision to lay him off and am considering warning him and suggesting he apply for FMLA or long-term disability so that his job is protected. Of course if anyone found out about the warning I would lose my job, and if he’s removed from the list someone else may get laid off instead.

What is the appropriate way to navigate this moral dilemma? I fear I will lose the respect of the rest of the team (and quite a bit of self-respect) if I don’t take steps to prevent this from happening.

First and foremost, do you have any ability to influence the layoff list? Obviously sometimes budgets make layoffs necessary, but good companies want feedback from managers about who end up on that list, for a whole host of reasons (for example, to make sure they’re not laying off your best performer or a role whose absence would cripple your workflow, but also when there are serious ethical, PR, or morale considerations in play). So think about whose ear you have and could talk to about this.

Beyond that, though, I think you can warn him without explicitly divulging the layoffs. For example, you could say that some things are happening behind the scenes that make it important for him to apply for FMLA and/or long-term disability right away, and that while you can’t share more than that and need his discretion, it’s something he should move on immediately. That’s still crossing a line that your employer undoubtedly wouldn’t appreciate, but it gives you some plausible deniability (since it’s actually good advice for him even if this weren’t going on) and conveys the essential info he needs right now. Ideal? No. Right thing to do? Yes.

2. What to say when you’re quitting your job because you won the lottery

I often daydream about winning big on the lottery and quitting my job, but one of the things I think about is how I would explain my leaving. My partner is quite private and we wouldn’t want anyone to know we had loads of money, but I wouldn’t know how to field the inevitable questions from colleagues and friends about what new position or company I was moving to. Not a problem I have at the moment, but a problem I wish I had! What would you suggest in that situation?

There are lots of ways to leave a job without saying, “I won a huge windfall — see ya!” You could say you were leaving to deal with a family situation (true! your family yacht situation). You could say you were taking some time off to figure out what you wanted to do next (also true! Italy or the south of France?). You could say you were going into business for yourself. Or you could even say, “I’m not ready to talk about it publicly yet,” which is sometimes a thing people say if they’re starting their own venture or going to a firm that they have a reason not to announce yet.

Just make sure you are dreaming big enough for this lottery win and truly have enough for a lavish lifestyle for the remaining of your years. Here’s an interesting piece on how much you’d really need and another on how to manage the money.

Related:
do I have to tell my boss where I’m going when I quit?

3. Dealing with a boundary-stomping parent when interviewing from home

This is something I used to do many moons ago, and now wonder how good an idea it was. I was staying with my parents, searching for work, and my father constantly “forgot” to stay out of the room and not make noise when I was on a call. He would poke his head into the room and interrupt the conversation or bang around so loudly the interviewer could hear it. He was impossible to ignore.

Sign on the door didn’t work; reminding him beforehand wasn’t always possible and didn’t work when it was. The house was big: he could easily have avoided this one upstairs hallway and put off the lawn mowing, at least if my voice was audible. He was apologetic when called out, but not sorry enough to stop doing it.

Anyway, the solution I found was to tell the interviewer, “Sorry about that; my dad lives here and he sometimes gets a little confused.” Not technically a lie, but it framed me as a tolerant adult who knew business norms rather than a surly teenager. Admittedly I was applying for jobs that would have me moving away from him, and thus I clearly had no caregiving responsibilities. I might not have used that excuse for a local job. But what do you think? How should such a situation be handled?

I think you landed on a perfect solution. It allowed you to acknowledge the interruption and give a sympathetic explanation for it. “Tolerant adult who knew business norms rather than a surly teenager” is a perfect way to put it.

4. Another manager wants my employee to stop helping her team

I have a direct report with a lot of experience in another division, Jeff. Often, people will reach out to him with questions about that division. (He is answering questions about test setups as a project engineer.) This has irritated the manager of that other division so much that she directly emailed Jeff telling him to stop overstepping. I find this other manager to be extremely unprofessional. How can I resolve this management chain dispute?

The questions Jeff is getting asked are absolutely something the other division should be able to answer on their own, but they have had a high attrition rate the last few years and their average experience level is under five years. He assists only when asked by that division. But even though it’s her reports reaching out for assistance and input, the other manager she considers that an overstep. Jeff’s assistance has prevented quite a few schedule slips over the last year and helps PMs during around proposals very quickly.

There are two different questions here. First, should you respect it if another manager wants your employee to stop assisting her team? The answer to that is yes — that’s her call to make.

Second, is she right to make that request? I don’t know the answer to that. She could be wrong and letting her ego get in the way of guidance her team needs. Or she could be right; for all I know, she wants to train her team herself and Jeff is making that harder, or his help is preventing her from spotting where the training gaps are in her staff, or he’s not guiding them well because he doesn’t have all the context. It doesn’t really matter though; unless there’s more to the situation, it’s her call to make, and if she’s clearly said she thinks Jeff is overstepping, then he needs to stop. If you disagree with that and want to spend capital on it, you could escalate it to someone who might see it more like you do — but otherwise, yeah, you and Jeff should both respect the request.

5. Who owns materials I create as a volunteer?

I know that materials created while at work belong to the company, but what of materials created while working as a volunteer? I volunteer for my church, and have created lots of materials to help me do this job, all on my own time and on my own computer. So who owns those materials?

Interestingly, you do — unless you have an agreement to the contrary with the organization you’re volunteering for. When you’re an employee, copyright law says you’re engaging in “work for hire” and your employer owns the rights to your work product. But when you’re a volunteer, you own those rights. You can license your work to the organization you’re volunteering for indefinitely or for a specific period of time, but you retain the rights unless you agree otherwise.

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the XL gloves, the eyeball embalmers, and other stories of office supply obsessions run amok

by Alison Green on April 1, 2024

Last week, we talked about sacred office supplies — supplies and equipment in your office that people hoard or that are as untouchable as holy relics. Here are 12 of my favorite stories you shared.

1. A hole punch named Sue

We had a two-hole punch that sat by the copier for 16 years. It was labeled “Susan’s” so nobody was allowed to use it or take it. Our office had no employee named Susan. Nobody who worked there could even remember a past employee named Susan. When the company was bought out and we moved, there was debate over what to do with Susan’s hole punch. There was no Susan!

2. The XL gloves

I used to be in charge of ordering lab supplies, and I’d get big boxes filled with Kleenex dispenser style boxes full of gloves. I was the only woman and the only one who wore medium and one of the big boxes would last me the better part of a year and I would get three or four big boxes of large every six months for everyone else.

We got a new guy who was really big and requested XL gloves, and from the moment the XL gloves hit the storage cupboard, not a single other man working there would deign to even look at the large gloves. When the XL gloves ran out unexpectedly quickly I had multiple people come to my office asking when we were getting more because they just could not wear large gloves on their XL hands. I eventually had to take my three nearly untouched big boxes of large gloves and donate them to a different department.

3. The high chair

We got a new workstation that is about 2″ higher than the old one. People immediately lost their shit and demanded a new chair to go with it. Several employees refused to use the workstation until a new chair was available. The new chair was duly ordered. It is about 4″ taller than a standard office chair (which we had been using) and only fits at the workstation if it (the chair) is lowered as far as possible. Our standard chairs adjust up to 4″ taller. I, the shortest person by far, have no problem using the workstation with a standard chair on its lowest setting. Weirdly, everyone clamoring for the High Chair is now complaining of backache.

The High Chair still has its devoted followers, but most of us will shove it in a corner and use a standard chair. Sometimes a department that shares our space will borrow the High Chair, and they always give it back before day shift (the High Chair devotees) arrive. They forgot ONCE, but instead of just … walking 10 extra steps to grab the Chair (which, by that point, no one was using), day shift decided the appropriate response would be to scream at the day shift of the other department (who had themselves just arrived and were understandably clueless about the Chair), calling them thieves and liars. There are now signs (yes, that’s signs, plural) taped to the Chair. There have been memos about the Chair. There have been entire meetings about the Chair.

4. The missing internet

I replaced someone who had spent their entire career in our workplace, so they admittedly worked through the normalization of the web in office settings. Our work requires a lot of information resources. When the retiree came in to meet me, they showed me shelves – SHELVES – worth of printed off PDFs from current and past subscriptions (a questionably permittable activity based on access licenses) and talked to me about how important it was to retain these because “you just never know when the internet will go away.”

5. The individual printers

My boss is obsessed with every member of their team having their own printer. Never mind that we’re only in the office once a week, have access to the general printers, and rarely ever print anything. We switched to hoteling and boss is trying to figure out how everyone can keep their individual printers.

6. The rationing

For some reason that literally no one understands, my office does not have an “office supplies” cabinet/cupboard/what-have-you for even the basics like pens, file folders, tissues, etc. We have to look at the approved vendor’s catalog, fill out a request in a spreadsheet (one row per thing), and the office admin will order it. For example, I cannot grab one (1) highlighter when I need one; I have to request it specifically, and they only come in a box of 6 or 12 or whatever, and will arrive between 5-10 business days later. Do I have a pen cup full of my exact preferred pens? Yes. Do I think this system is sane? Absolutely not.

7. The ancient computer

When I started this job in 2021, the computer they gave me was from 2011 and I was advised not to turn it off because they weren’t sure it would ever turn back on.

8. The forks

I am a CPA, I started my career in a big 4 accounting firm, then was employed as a controller for a mid-size company, then became a consultant. So between my own places of employment and my clients, I have worked in dozens of different office settings. The one thing that A LOT of places had in common, was forks.

Forks tend to disappear from the kitchen. Which leads to people hoarding them at their desks. Which leads to even more forks missing. I have seen people arguing over the last remaining fork.

One place had a sign-out sheet for forks.

One place had a locked utensils drawer that needed a key from an admin to open.

Others had drawers overflowing with spoons and knives because procurement would buy complete utensils sets to replace missing forks and not get rid of the spoons and knives from old sets.

Many times over. I was asked to write procedures specifically addressing kitchenware management.

I learned quickly to bring my own fork and keep it in my lunchbox.

9. The tape shortage

My office once had a massive tape shortage. We receive broken laptops daily and would tape a printout of the repair ticket to each laptop so that we could easily match laptop to ticket. But when we ran out of tape, we couldn’t do that and instead just put the printouts on top of the laptop or wrote the ticket number on a sticky note. Those inevitably fell off and it took ages to figure out what troubleshooting has already been done with Laptop A, why Laptop B is even here, where Laptop C is when its owner came to pick it up, etc. It was chaos!

My colleagues and our supervisors all blamed our director, who had access to the budget and clearly did not care about us enough to order the basic office supplies needed to do our jobs. Resentment festered. Eventually, an associate director position was created to help bridge this disconnect. The AD met with us as a team and asked how he could help us. He was surprised that the #1 request was tape. Just regular old tape, but everyone was yelling and freaking out about how critical this was. So he got tape. About half the department was happy and went on our merry way, just doing our jobs. The other half was still resentful, convinced that the AD was a “pawn” of the director who had only given us tape to buy our goodwill before eventually “showing his true colors.”

A few months into this new regime, one of the supervisors was let go for an unrelated issue. When the AD went to clean out her office, he discovered a whole drawer full of tape. She had been hoarding it for months, while being the loudest voice complaining about the tape shortage and watching our workflow crumble into chaos. We suspect that neither of the supervisors ever actually told the director that we were low on tape in the first place (because we clearly weren’t!), so he probably never even knew he was allegedly ignoring our basic office supply needs.

10. The fax machine

The Fax Machine. The only people still using it were using it to send documents to other department WITHIN THE SAME BUILDING. They needed the fax confirmation page to “have proof they sent the document.” Even explaining to them they could scan the document and email it to us, and the sent email would be said proof was unavailing. It took 18 months of haggling at all levels of the organization (and honestly the intervention of quarantine leaving no one around to actually see the faxes coming in) to finally FINALLY stop the practice of faxing documents within the building.

11. The stapler

Spouse used to work at a campus library where The Stapler was the most sacred of office supplies and also, the most fought-over symbol of power. The Stapler lived on the reference desk. It was never to leave the reference desk lest chaos befall all who sought serenity in the library. However, the reference desk was the worst place for The Stapler.

The only people who used it were students who had just finished printing in the computer lab. If they wanted to staple their printed documents, they had to trek from the computer lab in one corner of the ground floor all the way to the opposite corner which, according to independent student surveys done in the comments box, was the longest point-A-to-point-B in the whole library.

The morning shift reference desk librarian was sick of the lines forming at the desk just to use The Stapler, so they started moving it over to the computer lab printer where it would be the most useful. The later shift librarian was outraged. The Stapler should never be moved from this exact spot on the reference desk! It must be visible to the reference librarians at all times because if it were to be out of sight, some ne’er-do-well surely will abscond with it! So The Stapler was moved back to the reference desk, only to be moved to the computer lab the following morning by the morning shift librarian.

This went on for weeks until the later shift librarian convinced facilities to attach a chain to The Stapler that kept it permanently attached to the reference desk. The morning shift librarian was not amused (nor were students who had to try and awkwardly staple while attached to a chain). A week later, the chain was mysteriously cut in two and The Stapler returned to the computer lab.

The later shift librarian finally had enough and moved The Stapler to underneath the reference desk so students would have to ask for it, which only exacerbated the problem. The morning shift librarian complained to the library director, meetings were held, powerpoints made, political factions formed, nothing got resolved.

Finally, someone had enough and brought in a second stapler for the computer lab. It immediately disappeared. The later shift librarian was adamant this amounted to proof of the righteousness of their position. The morning shift librarian wasn’t fooled and found the second stapler hidden in a drawer in the later shift librarian’s workstation.

When spouse left that job, the war over The Stapler was still raging and we have no idea if it ever got resolved. I kind of hope it’s still ongoing, hearing about the latest stapler-related antics was often the highlight of my day.

12. The embalmer

My dad was a funeral director, and I spent a lot of my childhood hanging around the small funeral home where he worked. In the office! In the break room! Occasionally in the overflow seating area! But nowhere with bodies! For the record. The first time I saw a staple remover was in my dad’s office, and I did not know what it was at all. When he noticed me staring fixedly at it, he scooped it into a drawer. Now I assume he didn’t want six-year-old me to hurt myself with it. At the time, I assumed staple removers must be inappropriate for kids because they have to do with dead bodies.

After some consideration, I concluded it was for embalming eyeballs and called, obviously, an eyeball embalmer. Somehow I just never revisited this designation or noticed my teachers using one or whatever.

Ten years later I had a summer job filing in a law office. I was handed a staple remover, yelped, and threw it against a wall. I asked why they had one. They asked what I was talking about. There was uproarious laughter. I’m still embarrassed, and the office staff there, lo these many years later, still call them eyeball embalmers.

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employee came to work dressed as Jesus

by Alison Green on April 1, 2024

A reader writes:

I work at an up-and-coming, techy, mid-range e-comm company that’s always felt very inclusive, fun, and positive. Most employees are male and between the ages of 25-35, and are prone to ribbing and bets — “grow out your mullet for a year for $1,500,” that type of thing.

One of our employees bears a striking resemblance to the Jesus often portrayed in kid’s Bibles: long wavy brown hair, soft eyes, big beard. Because of this, his unofficial nickname used throughout the company is “Jesus.”

I’m assuming he was involved in a bet of some sort, because today he walked in decked out in full vestments — long white robes, Hebrew embroidered on the chest, sandals, the whole costume. A few people laughed, and he got right to work at his desk.

I’m a fierce proponent of free speech and believe there’s value in cheeky pokes at things we often put on pedestals, like religion. That being said, it seems inappropriate to me to lampoon a religious figure in a work environment. What would you do? Am I being too sensitive?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

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my employee asked if I’m pregnant

by Alison Green on April 1, 2024

A reader writes:

I have been experiencing secondary infertility for the last year and nine months. I have gone through two rounds of IVF since last October, which has meant a lot more time away from work than usual for monitoring appointments, surgical recovery, etc.

I supervise a small team of people at work, and last October (during the first egg retrieval), I decided to tell a couple of people on the team who were most impacted by me being out that I was doing IVF. I have not mentioned anything about infertility or the second egg retrieval, which was earlier this month.

Someone on my team (who I supervise) just came into my office and asked me if I am pregnant. I am assuming that person noticed I have been out more again lately. But I am just aghast. I feel so violated. Whether or not I was experiencing infertility, and whether or not I was pregnant, that question would never feel appropriate.

In the moment, I got very flustered and just said, “No, I am not pregnant.” Now I am stewing about whether to go back and address the comment — or what to do. I feel all kinds of emotions coming up when I think about addressing this myself, and I also want to be sure I am not directing all the emotions of my infertility toward this person in my response.

Was what they did really that bad, or is it something that I opened up space for when sharing about my IVF process? If I address the comment, is it as simple as me saying, “Hey, I was not comfortable with you asking about whether I am pregnant. I will share info about my family building with coworkers as I am ready”?

Context: I am queer and work at a queer-serving organization, so the person may have just thought I was doing IVF because of that rather than infertility. And also, I want to be mindful that while their question was completely not okay with me, I do hold formal power in the situation as their supervisor. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Your first instinct was correct — that question is never appropriate to ask.

Either the person is pregnant and they’ve chosen not to share it yet and so asking is intrusive and puts them on the spot … or they’re not pregnant and potentially upset about that and asking asking is intrusive and hurtful. (Or, just to be thorough, they’re not pregnant and don’t have any particular feelings about that, but asking is still intrusive and also maybe comes across as commentary on their body.) And you did not open up space for any of that when you shared that you’re doing IVF.

The only possible way I can see that your employee wasn’t horribly out of line is if there was some kind of miscommunication — like if she thought there had been an announcement that you were pregnant and she was coming to congratulate you. Although even then, it would have been awkwardly done.

I think you’re right to consider the power differential in how you approach her, but you still have standing to address it — both as the human she intruded on and as her manager since you don’t want her saying anything similar to others at work in the future.

You could simply say this: “I’m not sure what made you ask the other day if I’m pregnant, but please don’t ask anyone that. I know you meant well, but that’s something a pregnant person should share only when they’re ready, and it can be a painful question too.”

She might be embarrassed or even defensive, but it’s a useful message for her to hear.

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mother-in-law manages sister-in-law and covers up her drunk driving, lactation room is occupied, and more

by Alison Green on April 1, 2024

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My mother-in-law manages my sister-in-law and covers up her drunk driving

I am at a complete loss. My mother-in-law (Sally), sister-in-law (Karen), and I work for an AirBnB cleaning management company. Sally is a manager and Karen is a supervisor.

Karen is currently on probation for a DWI. This past month, she has tried to drive me to work drunk or has shown up drunk expecting to drive me home with her without me knowing. I found out both times. And she has been caught drunk and with alcohol at work. Yet Sally won’t terminate her or even stick with any consequences. I want to bring this up to higher-up bosses, but I am worried both will lose their jobs, as well as mine. My sister-in-law has been spoken to by all of family members and lied about being in AA yet drank during that time. Do I call her probation officer? I don’t know.

This is a work issue, but it’s also a family issue. You have a family member who’s regularly driving drunk; that’s a big deal. Someone needs to be sounding the alarm, taking away her keys, doing whatever it takes to get her off the road. Ideally that someone wouldn’t be you as an in-law, but if no one else is stepping up, use whatever power you have to intervene. If that means calling her probation officer, maybe that’s what you do. I don’t love advising that because I don’t think people belong in jail for addictions, but at this point getting her off the road so she doesn’t maim or kill someone has to be your highest priority.

As for the work stuff, yes, tell your bosses if this is happening at work and your mother-in-law is covering for her. I can’t see why that would result in you losing your job (and quite frankly, your mother-in-law should lose hers since she’s been aiding and abetting an employee in driving drunk). But I’d also get the hell out of that company to put some distance between you and the family mess.

Meanwhile, don’t get in a car that Karen is driving, period, even if you don’t think she’s been drinking since it sounds like she tries to hide it.

2. Interviewer said it was “an incredible lapse in judgment” to talk to my network about the company

This has been rumbling about occasionally in the back of my mind. A few years ago, my son-in-law, a new college graduate at the time, was applying for jobs. He learned that someone who had graduated from his small college a couple of years ahead of him and who he knew slightly was working at a company that might be a good fit for him. After applying for a job there and being invited for an interview, he reached out to this contact to find out more about the company. The contact was very warm and open to a conversation, and my son-in-law came out of it feeling like he knew a lot more about the company’s culture and expectations.

During his interview, he mentioned that he had spoken with this person and gave some specific examples about how what he learned helped him feel excited about the company. Well, his interviewer was livid. Apparently, they went off on him railing about how inappropriate it was that he would have reached out to someone other than them for information about the company and that they wouldn’t even consider him for the role given that incredible lapse of judgment. Of course, he was crushed as this was one of his very first interviews after graduation and he felt like he had done something horribly wrong. At the time, I told him he just ran into a bonkers interviewer and that he likely dodged a bullet with the company. Since then, he has happily advanced in his career, but occasionally, I find myself thinking about that interviewer. Were they as off-base as I think?

Yes.

It’s very normal to talk to people in your network about a company you’re interviewing with; in fact, it’s a widely given piece of advice! That interviewer was out of his gourd and sounds like he has some pathological control issues.

3. Random people use our lactation room for breaks and lunch

One other person in my office and I pump at work. We have a designated lactation room, but random non-lactating coworkers keep going in and locking the door to use the room on their regular breaks or to take hour long lunches or sometimes for personal calls. My manager is aware and emails have gone out notifying everyone of the room’s intended purpose, but people just keep doing it.

It wouldn’t be that big of a deal to me if it was a rare occurrence, but it’s multiple times a week, sometimes over several hours that every time I go to access the room someone is locked in there using the space for something other than pumping. Unfortunately I don’t have time to just stand outside the door and wait to be next, so the result is that I am sometimes missing pumping sessions entirely. Is this really the best I am entitled to?

In fact it is not! Federal law requires your employer to provide you with a private space to pump “as frequently as needed” and specifically says, “If the space is not dedicated to the nursing employees’ use, it must be available when the employee needs it in order to meet the statutory requirement.” If the room isn’t available when you need it, your employer is violating the law.

Go to whoever is in charge of this sort of thing in your office and say this: “We need a different place to pump. Legally, we’re required to provide a pumping space that’s available whenever needed, and right now people keep using the lactation room to nap or eat or take personal calls. So we need another space that locks and is reliably available, and we need it right away.” Any reasonable employer will hear that and start enforcing the room’s availability to you — but you’re not telling them how to solve the problem, just letting them know that they’re not currently meeting their legal requirements so they’re on notice that they need to fix it.

Read an update to this letter. 

4. Am I wrong for being annoyed when interviewers ask about my first career?

Seven years ago I graduated from a Ph.D. program in a highly competitive field. Staying in this field would have resulted in a six-figure salary straight out of my program, but I knew the work would not make me happy. I decided to go back to nonprofit work, which was my profession before pursuing a Ph.D. and work I still felt very passionate about. When I was interviewing, several interviewers asked about my career shift, with one of them stating something along the lines of, “Why would you want to switch from a high-paying career to this work?” These questions always rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t mind explaining why my old field was a bad fit and why nonprofit work felt like a calling for me. But I felt like there was an assumption that professional choices should be money-driven and a judgment that the jobs I was interviewing for were not worthwhile for someone who had more lucrative options.

I ended up picking a nonprofit job directly related to my Ph.D. During the two years I’ve worked there, I have been through some major upheaval in my personal life and found a new field I feel passionate about. I went back to graduate school to gain a degree needed to practice in this field. The transition is not completely out of whack; it’s not a straight career path, but also not completely out of left field either.

It is now seven years since I graduated from my Ph.D. program and three years since I started my graduate degree. I am about to graduate and am interviewing for jobs. In an interviews I was again asked three questions regarding this being a second career for me (the first question was asking me to explain the shift; the two other were about my ability to transition into the new field). The questions irked me. I felt weird about being asked about a program I graduated from seven years ago, as opposed to my more recent and more relevant work experience. I had an issue with the way the interviewer framed my Ph.D. training as requiring a completely different skill set than the field I am currently in, since I use my research skills on a daily basis in my new field. I felt like I needed to defend my switch and that my training was treated as a liability instead of an asset. Overall, these questions left a bitter taste in my mouth. I ended up spending at least half of the interview talking about my Ph.D. training and not my recent work experience that was more relevant to this role.

Am I wrong in feeling strange about these questions and seeing them as yellow or red flags? Is there a response to these questions that does not come off as evasive but doesn’t dwell on a part of my career that feels ancient? I should say that in other job interviews, my Ph.D. training was seen as an asset and a testament to my skills and the issue of a second career did not come up. All of the questions were focused on my current field and experience.

I think you’re overreacting to a single interview, since this hasn’t come up in your other interviews. That said, that interviewer’s questions weren’t particularly odd or out of bounds; it’s reasonable to ask what drove shifts in your work history (and seven years ago isn’t that long go, especially when you’re now entering a new field), and it’s reasonable for an interviewer to want to probe a little into how you’ll do with the transition.

I think you similarly read too much into the questions years back about why you’d want to leave a high-paying career for a lower-paying one. It’s reasonable for employers to want to understand what’s motivating you to leave a high-paying field for a much lower-paying one and to make sure that you’ve really thought through what that will entail. They don’t want to invest in you if you’re going to realize four months in that it’s not for you — and believe me, nonprofits deal all the time with people who don’t quite realize what the shift in pay and resources will be like. None of this is personal.

(Any chance you’re feeling any weirdness yourself about the shifts you’ve made? I’m asking because this sounds like a pretty defensive reaction to fairly common interview discussions.)

5. What are post-interview “HR hurdles”?

I am trying to return to the workforce after two years of being home with my kids. I’ve been applying to jobs, and have had a couple interviews at different places. I am very interested in one job and emailed two weeks after our interview to check on the status. I got a quick reply saying that there are some HR hurdles they are working to resolve. I know there must be a lot of possibilities here, but I was wondering if you could share some common HR issues that can hold up the interview/hiring process.

Tons of possibilities! Some examples: A question was raised about the right salary range and they’re figuring that out. There’s a question about whether the budget for the role will be approved. Someone else on that team might be leaving and their role would be a higher priority if so. Someone else on the team is leaving and they might reconfigure both roles. They’re not sure they even need this role at all in its current configuration. Do they actually need someone who speaks Spanish? An internal candidate might be interested. And on and on.

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weekend open thread – March 30-31, 2024

by Alison Green on March 29, 2024

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: A Beautiful Rival, by Gill Paul. This is a fictionalized account of the professional rivalry between Elizabeth Arden and Helena Rubinstein, and I was strangely riveted.

* I make a commission if you use that Amazon link.

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open thread – March 29-30, 2024

by Alison Green on March 29, 2024

It’s the Friday open thread!

The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers.

* If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer.

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how do I motivate an unresponsive employee, company won’t promote me because of childhood trauma, and more

by Alison Green on March 29, 2024

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. How do I motivate someone who doesn’t bother to do his work?

I recently started a new role with four employees who have already been in their roles for a while. I previously worked with this group sometimes, but without any of them reporting to me. Due to a re-org and someone leaving, I’m their third manager in this role. I used to work somewhat closely with their first manager.

I have one employee who is not performing well. I knew from his first manager that he had some issues and knew I would have to eventually address this with him. So now that time has come, and his performance isn’t what I expected.

I’ve managed different kinds of performance issues in a previous role. I’ve had employees who did barely any work and their work was low quality (they were clearly in over their head). I’ve had employees who were super enthusiastic and would rush to complete everything but the work quality wasn’t as good. But this man is different. He’s very unenthusiastic. It takes multiple reminders and follow-ups to get anything from him. Our department has some flexibility with scheduling, but he does need to be available during certain specific time periods and he often isn’t. Multiple people (including me) have told him the expectations. But here’s the surprising part: his work is competent. He’s not a rockstar but his work is correct. I was expecting him to fall into the first category of just being overwhelmed and not knowing where to start, but that’s not it. He can do the work, but just doesn’t.

I have already talked to my boss and I already know that I will need to formally address his performance and likely fire him. But I want to at least try to keep him on, since he can do the work correctly, which isn’t always a given. I just need him to do it independently. I know this is a long shot since he didn’t improve for two previous managers. But is there anything I can try to motivate him or inspire him to stay on top of his work?

(Also I want to pre-empt the likely comments. I can speculate many reasons for his performance. But I’m his manager, not his therapist, and ultimately I need to focus on what I can do myself.)

Have you asked him what’s up? It sounds like he’s had plenty of conversations about where he’s falling short. How about just sitting down with him, explaining what you’re seeing, stating clearly that he’s not going to be able to stay in the job without significant improvement, and asking for his take on what’s going on?

Who knows — maybe you’ll hear something that changes your assessment or influences how you proceed. Probably not, but maybe and it’s worth listening with an open mind. Otherwise, after that, you’re at the point where you should lay out what needs to change and what kind of a timeline he has to make those changes.

Generally, though, it’s not a good use of your time to try to come up with creative ways to motivate or inspire someone who just isn’t bothering to do their work. It’s of course important to create the conditions in which good employees will feel motivated (by doing things like giving them meaningful roles with real responsibility, ensuring they see the bigger picture of what their work adds up to and have opportunities to develop their skills, etc.) and you need to avoid de-motivating people by things like yelling or continually changing your mind on projects after he’s put a ton of work in or never recognizing work that’s done well. But taking someone who isn’t invested in a job — someone who requires multiple reminders and follow-ups and who isn’t available when he’s supposed to be — and turning them around is awfully hard, and generally not a great use of energy.

2. My company told me they won’t promote me because of childhood trauma

I work in a role as a peer leader supervisor, where I oversee a team and support my community through the process of substance use recovery by using a peer support model.

In peer support, we are person-centered and honor self-determination. But the primary mode of service is through a model of coaching, with our lived experience in our own recoveries from life situations, such as mental health, substance use, addiction, trauma, and raising children with behavioral issues or substances.

I have been with the company for two years and worked my way up from a part-time position to be supervisor of my region. I’m really good at my job. I love my job. Recently my supervisor told me that she and her boss don’t know if they would promote me again because of self disclosed childhood trauma, and that I am a liability. Can they say that? Is it legal for them to exclude me from roles because I’ve been to trauma therapy and have disclosed that I am recovering from an abusive childhood? I was so confused because that’s exactly what we do: model recovery from all of these life situations, including trauma.

That sounds a lot like discrimination based on perceived disability. As we talked about earlier this week, the Americans with Disabilities Act protects you not only from discrimination based on actual disability, but also from discrimination if you’re perceived to have a disability. It sounds like your managers told you that they perceive you to have a disability and will not consider you for certain jobs because of it. That would only be legal if they can demonstrate that the disability means you couldn’t perform the essential functions of the job, even with reasonable accommodations.

That’s the legal side of the situation. The other part of the situation is: WTF? You do work based on sharing your own recovery from trauma, and they’re saying they won’t promote you because you shared trauma? The only way this makes sense is they’re saying they don’t think you’ve done the necessary healing from that trauma to be able to do those higher-level roles effectively (and if that is what they’re saying, they should spell out specifically what behaviors/approaches they are/aren’t seeing that are job-related issues, not just broadly refer to past trauma).

As for what to do … you could talk to a lawyer about the legal angle (which doesn’t have to mean actually bringing legal action; it can mean the lawyer just guiding you behind the scenes), but this sounds like a sufficiently dysfunctional place that you’re probably better off just getting out of there.

3. Why is there an external person on this hiring committee?

I’m an internal candidate for a leadership position at my company. I believe I’m a strong candidate but others are rightfully being considered. I just had my interview and was surprised to learn that an external partner is on the hiring committee and was in fact leading the questioning. Let’s say my company has a lot of goats, and my current role is curating our goat performances and managing opportunities for people to pet the goats. The external partner is someone who knows a lot of people who love goats and contracts with us to help make those connections. They are an important partner for us right now.

I don’t have any problem with this person; they have always been pleasant and reasonable. I just found it puzzling that they are on an internal hiring committee. Logistically, I’m not sure where they’re volunteering their time or being compensated. I’m also not sure whether it’s a conflict of interest somehow? Is this a common practice? Maybe it is and I’ve just never heard of it before, but in the five years I’ve been at this organization, I’m pretty sure this has never happened.

It’s a thing that happens sometimes, usually because (a) the person is believed to have particular insight into what an effective hire will look like (that others on the hiring team may lack) and/or (b) their buy-in on the hire is important to your company.

4. Traveling to clients with post-chemo hair

Sadly I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year at 41. I work in a small consulting organization and I’m part of the ownership team. Since I’m a younger cancer patient, I managed to work pretty close to full-time during my chemotherapy, with the reminder to folks in my office that I did move a tad slower during the days after my treatment.

Currently I’m two months post-chemo and I’m back to having hair again. Right now I have a full head of hair that I would call somewhere along the lines of a younger KD Lang look. During chemo and radiation, I was not able to travel to clients but now I’m looking forward to getting back on the road. I guess what I’m struggling with is, is my super short but fully there hair okay to have in a professional setting if it is well groomed? I do have a wig, but it was very hot to wear when I was completely bald and I cannot imagine wearing it through airports and long car rides.

Yes, super short hair is fine! People are likely to assume it’s simply a fashion choice. Give it no further thought.

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