Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I was fired during my probationary period

If you are fired during your probationary period, should you expect it to be without warning? This just happened to me, where I was let go of at the 60-day mark. I had a 30-day check-in, where the only feedback given was that my boss appreciated that I was at work every day, that she was “frustrated” with something I had done on my second day (when she was gone, as she worked part-time), and that I needed to do more things independently. None of this was put in writing. It’s unclear to me if my firing was budget-related, as the grant funding for my program ran out a few months prior to my hiring, and I was hired at a significantly higher wage than the position had initially been listed at.

My termination letter only says that they could let go of me at any time if I was deemed to be the wrong fit. Obviously, I’m terrified of this happening again and I’m wondering how common it is.

Yeah, it can happen. The purpose of probationary periods is to allow companies to let an employee go without doing a ton of coaching, warnings, etc. (It’s not that firing someone without doing those things first would be illegal, but many companies have their own internal policies that commit them to specific cycles of coaching and warnings after probationary periods are over.) Whether or not that’s reasonable in any given case depends on what the issues are; if something can be corrected with clear feedback or a little coaching, generally that makes more sense to do. In other cases, it’s clear there’s a fundamental mismatch with the role, or the amount of coaching required to get the person where they’d need to be isn’t practical. In others, you get a manager who just doesn’t know how to manage effectively or overreacts to minor things and ends up making the wrong call. Regardless of which category it falls in, though, ideally managers wouldn’t blindside employees with it — ideally they’d be giving feedback along the way, not just letting you know one day that it didn’t work out. But some don’t operate that way.

None of which really answers your question about how common it is. I’d say you don’t need to go into every job terrified that you’ll be fired out of the blue during your probationary period, assuming you know yourself to be reasonably capable … but it’s useful to be aware it can be a thing that happens.

2. I’m in charge of DEI because I’m a woman

My manager has suddenly decided that, because I’m one of the only women on our team of 20 or so men, it’s my responsibility to become an expert in accessibility and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI). I don’t necessarily mind leading this initiative (well, a little — I’m irritated as it’s increased my workload and this feels like exactly the thing DEI efforts are supposed to mitigate), but the problem now is I’m being given very vague tasks with zero direction to “make everything we do accessible and DEI-friendly” — by people who can’t be bothered to learn about accessibility/DEI themselves. And I’m getting in trouble now because I’m not implementing it exactly to their vision. What exactly is their vision, I’m not sure, but some of the ideas they have either don’t match the reality of how it works, or require resources I don’t have, or simply don’t make sense to me.

Now my whole team is looking to me for guidance on this very vague, nebulous thing that I’ve been trying to grasp with no help. I’ve tried to explain my situation, and offered up some basic frameworks and processes to follow, as well as links to documentation, but apparently that’s not enough — they want every last thing spelled out for them. They appear blind to the irony of the whole situation. I’ve been considering leaving this job for some time, and this may be the final straw. What can I do?

DEI is an incredibly challenging job under the best of circumstances — and that’s when you have a receptive team, committed leadership, and someone leading the work with expertise in the field. Expecting you to do it without any of those things is a recipe for failure and frustration. Honestly, I’d wash your hands of it entirely — tell them it’s work that needs to be led by an expert, that expecting the women on the team to do it is itself a DEI problem, and that you’re not equipped with the expertise, resources, or team buy-in to do what they need. Hold firm on the “I’m not doing this simply because I’m one of the few women” point in particular, and consider pointing out it’s illegal to assign work based on gender.

And yes, let it be the final straw and get out.

3. How to explain a family crisis to very demanding clients

I work directly with clients in a niche of a touchy-feely-warm-fuzzies industry. I’ve been lucky to have really warm, friendly relationships with most of these clients for years — we trade book recommendations, I get to hear about babies in their families, they sent well-wishes ahead of my first triathlon last year, etc. The downside is that they tend to take things very personally. If I don’t respond to an email as quickly as usual (we’re talking within a few hours) I’m liable to get a message asking if I’m too busy for their projects, or even occasionally asking if I’m annoyed or ignoring them. I try to shut this down when it happens, but I mostly just avoid it by being very responsive and always giving them a timeline of when they can expect progress, so they never have to worry in the first place.

Unfortunately, I’ve been in and out of the office lately dealing with a family member’s unexpected and severe health issue. They’re stable and responding well to treatment so far, but I’m understandably behind on work, and I’ll likely be slower to respond and finish projects as this situation shakes out and settles down. Based on the follow-up emails currently in my inbox, my feelings-first clients are already upset. I know that if I say I’ve been out with a family emergency, they’ll want to know what happened. I wouldn’t mind telling them and, honestly, it would be a relief for me if they knew, as they’ll be less likely to send me “r u mad at me pls respond” notes if they have a better explanation on hand. But I don’t want to overshare, or start a cycle of having to talk about all this on a regular basis at work. Any wisdom for approaching these conversations with the right balance of transparency and boundaries?

How about this: “I’ve had a family health emergency — nothing you should worry about, and honestly it’s easier for me to not think about it when I’m at work, but if my responses are slightly delayed for a little while as this settles down, that’s why.” If you’re pushed for details: “It really is easier for me not to think about it too much at work, thanks for understanding!”

For what it’s worth, it’s possible to have warm relationships where you trade book recommendations and hear about new babies without people taking a few-hour delay so personally that they start asking if you’re too busy for their projects! This is weird and over-the-top! Do you know if others who do similar work all get this same treatment from clients? If they don’t, it could be interesting to compare notes and see if you can figure out what’s bringing it out in yours. (Also, what industry is this?! I’m dying to know.)

4. Mentioning (relevant) children in a cover letter

I am job hunting and looking at applying to jobs that are parent-oriented (the “Parenting” or “Family” brand/section of a media company, etc.) Is it okay to mention that I’m a mom in my cover letter? It’s definitely part of why I’m interested in the job, but it’s been pretty drilled into me not to mention my personal life in an application! If I do mention it, is it best just to keep it brief/vague (“as a mom…”) or more specific (“as a mom to a toddler and an infant…”)? Is it something I should just keep for a potential interview? Or never mention it at all?

I wouldn’t, partly because of unconscious bias (especially if you mention they’re young kids) but more because having kids is common enough that it doesn’t do a lot to make you stand out from other applicants. But what you could do is cite something more specific that could differentiate you in a relevant way — like mentioning that you’ve have a long-running interest in childhood development or experience volunteering with kids or so forth. Those are more application-appropriate and they’ll connect to the job in a more targeted way.

5. Turning down an offer

I’m in a field full of blunt crusty Massholes. I’m also a blunt crusty Masshole, so this isn’t generally a problem. But I’m currently job hunting, and I’m at a loss for interview advice because white-collar officespeak advice involves unspoken mind games and social scripts that tradespeople don’t use. (For example, I’ve found they like you better as both a candidate and employee if you’re honest to the point of being self-effacing about your skillset, rather than hyping yourself up like most people say.)

I have three serious offers right now. One is easily my first choice; it has better pay, benefits, schedule, and location, but the real deciding factor against the other two is the poor management I saw during my trial days with each, and I’m concerned about how to turn them both down. Telling the truth would be a personal insult. If I cite pay, I’m pretty sure both will offer me a competitive counteroffer. If I cite location, I think it’d be fair if they pointed out that I knew the locations when I applied. As for being vague about my reason, I was enthusiastic about all three in interviews (as you do), and since people in my field are very straightforward, I think they took that at full face value and would feel snubbed if I didn’t give a reason for rejecting them.

So, what do I say? This isn’t about abstract professionalism; the field is small and tight-knit (all three options know each other and one of my previous bosses personally), and I didn’t leave my last place on great terms, so I’m concerned about my reputation. I definitely shouldn’t be honest; what do I say instead that won’t sound flimsy or vague? I’ll probably work with these people in the future; what rationale can I give that would help me maintain connections?

My family heritage is Masshole, and you’re overthinking it! You have three offers; you’re taking one and thus necessarily have to turn down the other two. So with the two you’re turning down, just cite those multiple offers: “I had several offers and ultimately decided one of the others was the stronger fit for me.” You really don’t have to say any more than that! If they push you anyway, it’s fine to be vague — for example, “It’s a combination of a lot of factors, but I enjoyed getting to talk with you and learning more about your work.” Truly, there’s no obligation to open your heart to them (just as they don’t need to be candid with applicants they turn down either).

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. A recruiter got angry that I contacted a company directly

Someone contacted me through LinkedIn and said he was recruiting for an executive assistant role and asked if I had any contacts who might be interested. I used to work as an administrative coordinator with a specific community that the organization he was hiring for also worked with. I asked if he had a job description and any other information about the company, which he provided. The job description was thorough, but it wasn’t on company letterhead and when I checked out the company website, they didn’t have the job posted.

I was starting to worry that this might be a scam. I may just not be used to working with recruiters but I wanted to be sure before I sent it to anyone I knew. He also had the same name as a TV character (think Walter White), which made me a little more suspicious.

This is where I may have messed up. I didn’t think it would be a big deal to contact someone at the company he was recruiting for and just confirm that this was a legitimate position. I left a message with reception and left it at that.

I got an email from the recruiter the next day saying he heard that I had contacted the company and he was obviously hurt and angry. He sent me a rather hostile and condescending message about how this had never happened to him before and he deals in trust, etc. and made it clear he was no longer interested in my help.

I messaged him back apologizing for offending him but said that I’ve known people who were scammed while looking for work, I wanted to be sure this was a real opportunity, I don’t think it was unreasonable for me to contact the company, and I didn’t regret doing it. I got another rude response about how I don’t understand recruiting and then he blocked me.

I know I shouldn’t let this bother me, but I haven’t been working for three years because I had a kid, and I’m starting to think about going back to work. Now I’m sort of dreading the prospect. Was I wrong to have contacted the company? For what it’s worth, I considered applying to the job myself but decided I’m not ready for a full-time job as busy as this one seemed like it would be. At the same time, this company seemed really cool and even if I don’t want to work there now, maybe I will in future and have burned a bridge there.

Lastly, should I inform the company he was recruiting for about the messages he sent me? He didn’t swear or threaten me but he was definitely rude and immature. But I admit that I may just want to tell them because he was a jerk and it cheesed me off. If I was already wrong to contact them in the first place, I should probably quit while I’m ahead.

There are legitimate reasons recruiters are sometimes annoyed if a candidate contacts a company directly, including that the company may have hired them to recruit for a position that isn’t public yet (for example, because it’s a new role/initiative that they aren’t ready to publicize yet, or they’re replacing someone who doesn’t know they’re being replaced — which would also be reasons the job wasn’t listed on their website). Companies also sometimes hire recruiters when they don’t want to be bothered by calls from candidates.

But the recruiter’s reply was ridiculous and over-the-top. He could have simply explained what the issue was (or declined to work with you further if he felt that strongly). Sending you a hostile message about how this had never happened to him before (is he brand new to the work?) was a weirdly intense reaction.

I wouldn’t bother putting energy into informing the company. They know him, they don’t know you, and it risks muddying your name with them a little (even though it shouldn’t). You’re better off just figuring he’s not someone you would want to work with and moving on.

2. Can I do anything about my aggressive-driver coworker?

I work at a campus hospital in a medium-sized city. Sometimes, like everyone else, I encounter rude drivers on my morning commute: people who tailgate, people who cut you off, people who tailgate you until they get the chance to pass you and then cut you off as tightly as possible to express their anger that you were only going three miles above the speed limit in a residential neighborhood — you know, humans! Unfortunately, over the last year, one person has done this so frequently and with such vehemence that I now recognize both his face and his Audi. (Once he passes me, he immediately begins tailgating the next person, and I’ve seen him cut off plenty of other people. So I think this is just the terrible, terrible way he drives.)

Can anyone do anything about this? We work at the same place. We park in the same parking garage. With minimal effort, I could find the name to match that scowling face, and frankly I’d like to make him a custom bumper sticker with a cartoon version of his face and his personal cell phone number printed on it, along with a “how’s my driving” message. Anyway, what I would like even more than that is to just never think about this man again, but instead he pops up at least once a week being a real jerk behind the wheel. The answer is just, “you just have to let this one go,” right? There isn’t even a possible work-related reason this man should have to get his shit together? (Yes I’m autistic, no I can’t ever let anything go, yes OF COURSE I wish that was not the case.)

Yeah, you probably have to let it go. I suppose in theory you could leave a note on his car telling him he’s endangering other people — which would have the subtext of “some of the people you’re tailgating and cutting off are your coworkers, which means you’re not anonymous” — but I’m skeptical it’s going to do much good. If you have campus police, you could potentially alert them but I’m not sure they could do much with the report. Ultimately, there aren’t really good options here. (I do like the bumper sticker though.)

3. Should I be worried about maxed out company credit cards?

I work for a healthcare group that recently got bought out by private investors. It’s been a challenge for a few reasons, but I am nervous about one situation in particular. All the offices share one line of credit for our office credit cards. Most things, including bills, are charged to this account. About two months ago, I had some transactions for supplies decline. I emailed our accounting team and it was resolved in a day, with them stating they needed to pay down the balance.

This month, the same situation happened. I went to charge about $40 to the credit card for supplies, and the card declined. I emailed our accounting team, and no response. A few days went by and more bills were declined. Payments for vital supplies to run the business would not go through. No one responded to my emails questioning this, or emails from another staff member at another office. It took seven days for the card to work again, and no one has addressed what was going on. I’m nervous that the new investors do not have the money to be paying our bills. I do know our office is generating enough money to cover our expenses, but I’m not sure about the other locations. Could this be an indicator of a larger issue? Should this be a big enough red flag to look for another job? I don’t want to wait around if I’m seeing indicators that this business could be going under or is being mismanaged!

Yes, it’s a red flag. Either they’re not investing enough money to keep the business running or their systems are so disorganized that basic things aren’t happening, which means other basic things might not be happening either. (For example, are you going to find out three months from now that your retirement contributions were never deposited?) It’s possible there’s some less alarming explanation, but when payments for vital supplies aren’t going through, there’s a problem. I’d start looking around.

4. My employer hasn’t prepared for my departure

I gave notice two and a half weeks ago that I was resigning from my job for a new opportunity. My boss acknowledged the resignation, and talked about how she’d have a plan in place for my transition. I am now two days from my last day and my transition plan of who will take over my projects is still incomplete! I work in a client-facing role, and less than half of my clients have been reassigned to other client managers. I have clients who do not even know that I am leaving (if I haven’t met with them as recently) or know that I am leaving but still do not have someone to take over the projects from me. I also worry I won’t have time to bring my team members up to speed on the projects or introduce my clients to their new project lead.

What do I do? How much responsibility do I have in this situation? I worry I won’t have time to transition my projects before I go, and I don’t want to leave my clients or coworkers in the lurch because my leadership was ill-prepared.

Ultimately, this is their responsibility, not yours (unless you’re in a senior role where you’d be expected to lead the transition work yourself). That said, in a lot of roles, ideally you would have been taking the initiative on some of this — “here’s a list of my projects and where they stand, we need to train someone on XYZ, these clients still need to be reassigned,” etc. (and then what they did with the info from there, if anything, would be up to them). On the other hand, there are some roles where you wouldn’t even be expected to do that.

At this point, since you’re two days out, I’d give just give your boss a list of all of this and leave it with her; even if you ideally would have done some of it earlier, she’s been more responsible for managing it than you are are.

One thing to think about is how you want to handle clients who still don’t know you’re leaving. If you haven’t been explicitly told not to tell them, in many cases it would make sense to email and let them know (although be aware some companies very much don’t want you to do that without their okay, so you need to know your company on this one).

5. My interviewer offered me a feedback call but then never got back to me

I recently interviewed for a job and got a rejection email. In the email, the interviewer said, “If you would like feedback on your interview please let me know and we can arrange a time to speak.” I was happy to hear that, since I’d really like to get a job at an organization like theirs. I thought the offer to speak was a little strange, since usually I’d expect to get feedback via email if at all, but I went with the way they offered and replied asking when would be a convenient time for them.

This was four days ago and they haven’t replied. I wonder if I should have offered times myself, or suggested receiving the feedback by email to avoid taking up their time. At this point, can I follow up or should I just leave it be?

Sometimes people make offers like this fully intending it at the time but then higher priorities intervene. Other times they make the offer without thinking (sometimes because they’ve seen others make similar offers and haven’t thought through what’s really involved). Who can say which it is in this case, but it would be fine to follow up once after at least a full week has gone by — something like, “Just wanted to check back on this. I know you must be busy but if there’s a time that works for you in the next two weeks, I’d love to take you up on your offer for feedback.” If you still don’t get a response, let it drop at that point.