Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should an employee pay for damage to a work vehicle when it was his fault?

My husband is the office manager at a small, family-owned lawn service company. They have a lawn care employee, Jake, who my husband describes as a good employee (on time, good attitude, competent at daily tasks), but who has also made several significant mistakes in recent months. Jake’s made three customer-impacting mistakes, like leaving a customer’s sprinklers running all day. He’s also been in two accidents in his work truck, most recently where he admits he side-swiped a tree because he was texting while driving. This caused $4,500 in damage, which Jake has volunteered to pay for, and the business owner has accepted by reducing his pay about $200 per month (out of $4,000 salary/month).

Based on reading your advice, I say that car repairs are a business expense when you give employees work trucks to use, and that this is not a good employee they should retain. My husband says that they would not require Jake to pay for the damage (and did not do so for Jake’s other accident) but Jake offered, and this is mutually beneficial as Jake gets to keep his job and they don’t have to fire a good employee, be out the $4,500, or have to find a new hire in a tough market. What do you think?

I think there are bigger issues to solve first: namely, what’s going on with Jake and can the company safely keep him as an employee? How is Jake talking about the accident — is he mortified and shaken up by what happened? Is he (credibly and of his own volition) vowing to swear off texting while driving? Is he willing to, I don’t know, keep his phone in the glove box while driving in the future? Or he is cavalier about what happened? And what happened with the other accident? Leaving a customer’s sprinkler’s running all day seems like the type of thing that could happen to a good employee once, but the accidents are giving me serious pause about whether you could safely keep him. (Also, how far apart were the accidents? Are we talking months or years?) What if the next accident is a lot more serious and he injures or kills someone, and the business knew he was a risky driver and kept him anyway?

I think the question about the money pales in comparison to those. But if you made me answer it, I’d say … I don’t love the arrangement, but I can understand how they got there. I just think they’re looking at the wrong thing.

Related:
our new admin crashed the company car and lied about it

2. Eating disorder accommodations at a work retreat

I’ve recently been diagnosed with Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, a lesser known and in my case non-life-threatening eating disorder. Basically, for me, it means I have an extremely limited diet; there are probably 20 or so safe foods that I sustain myself on. This is something I’ve struggled with my entire life but have only recently sought out treatment for, and it’s something I still have a lot of shame around. I’ve been seen as the “picky eater” and the butt of many jokes in social and family situations.

My company is mostly remote, but we have an all-staff week-long retreat once a year, where every dinner and lunch are pre-fixed company-wide meals. Last year, this meant I would fill up my plate and push food around with my fork until I could sneak off and go buy a meal I could eat (on my own dime), gorge myself on snacks I packed, or not eat.

Planning for this year’s retreat is already underway. I understand that feeding 75 people for a week isn’t easy and that you aren’t always going to love what’s ordered by your company. But 6 days straight of not being around any of my safe foods is hard on me. I don’t want them to pick restaurants or the catering for the entire org solely on whether or not there is something I can eat on the menu. But is there a way I can explain my situation without getting to specific and ask for a stipend to cover the cost of separate meals I’ll actually eat?

Say this: “I have an extremely restricted diet for medical reasons and I can’t eat most catered meals. Last year I wasn’t able to eat anything that was served at the retreat. This year, would it be possible for me to get reimbursed for buying my own lunches and dinners?”

If they suggest that they’ll try to accommodate you if you give them a list of restrictions, you can either (a) do that and see if they turn out to find something that will work or (b) if you’d rather not get into it, say, “It’s restrictive enough that I don’t feel safe relying on someone else ordering for me; I’ve found I really need to manage it on my own.”

3. Who answers the phone?

If there are two people working at a reception desk, and one of them is in a face-to-face conversation with someone and the phone rings and the other receptionist is available and in view, who should answer the phone?

The one who’s free, obviously. At least, assuming they’re really free and not in the middle of a concentration-heavy task. It’s the kind of question that tends not to come up if the two people are working cooperatively and both have a decent work ethic.

I take it you are the one in the middle of a conversation with someone and you’re annoyed your coworker isn’t pitching in when the ring rings? If it’s a pattern with their work ethic in general, that’s a conversation to have with your boss. If it was a one-time thing and not part of a pattern, let it go.

4. How do I use my network?

I am unhappy in my current position and looking to move on, but so far I haven’t had much luck finding anything that’s the right fit for my pretty niche skillset. I’m relatively well-known in my field as a high performer and have developed a pretty extensive network of contacts, many at organizations I think I could be a good fit for and vice versa. I’m wondering if there are ways that I could use that network to help me in my job hunt.

I hadn’t really thought about this until I was having lunch with a friend in my field recently and I mentioned in passing a position I had applied for. She said, “Oh, I didn’t know you were looking — you should tell Dan (a mutual colleague of ours). He would hire you in a heartbeat.” But I’m not really sure how to bring that up with Dan, or anyone else for that matter. I work remotely, my network is pretty spread out across the country, and I’m unlikely to be traveling for work as much as I once did for budget reasons, so I’m not going to just run into people organically in a setting where I could casually mention it. I feel like it would be weird to send an email like “hey, want to hire me?” but I don’t know, is that a thing people do? I also want to be discreet so word doesn’t get back to my current employer that I’m going around advertising that I want to leave. I have a feeling some of my contacts might even be willing to create a position for me if they knew I was interested so I do think this could be to my advantage if I could figure out how to do it the right way.

Yes, this is a very normal thing people do! Usually the way to do it isn’t by saying, “Want to hire me”? Instead you say something like, “Please keep this between us for now, but I’m beginning to think about my next move and am looking for ____. If you hear of anything that you think could be a good match, I’d really appreciate a heads-up.” That opens the door for them to say, “Actually, we could use you here — let’s talk.”

This is how lots of people get many of their jobs after a certain point. (Not everyone! No one should feel deficient if it hasn’t worked that way for them. But it’s really common.)

5. Helping laid-off coworkers

I know in the past you’ve encouraged people to get over the awkwardness and reach out to laid-off coworkers because it can hurt to not hear from your coworkers when you’ve been let go.

I’ve come across another excellent idea: if someone feels awkward reaching out in a personal way, leaving a recommendation on their LinkedIn page could be a professional way to offer support both emotionally and in the job search. I thought it might be something worth passing along to those who reach out about these situations!

Consider it passed along!

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How do I explain shaving my head to my coworkers?

I’m a late 20s woman who has been dealing with genetic hair loss (female pattern baldness) for over 10 years now. It’s at the point where I’m over getting anxious every time the wind blows or stressing about styling my hair to hide it. I’m going to shave it all off tonight.

However, I’m pretty sure no one at work has really noticed, and I know as a woman it’s always a big deal when you turn up bald. Do you have any advice for how to approach questions and comments without being too rude or specific? I’m dreading being asked if I’m raising money for something.

P.S. I’m so happy baldness is becoming a more and more chill thing for men to talk about, but I’m shitty it is still so so stigmatised for women.

Are you comfortable saying, “It’s just a style choice!” Or even just a cheery, “Yep, shaved it off!” People aren’t entitled to know more than that and if you make it clear you chose to do it, anyone even moderately polite should accept that.

You might get some questions from people who are simply curious about it (a lot of women will find it fascinating and have questions, which will be more about their relationship with their own hair than with yours) but if you don’t want to get into it, it’s fine to say, “Oh, I’d love not to talk about it since half my reason for doing it was not to think about it anymore — thanks for understanding.”

2. Is my manager overreacting to small mistakes?

I started my first corporate job six months ago, but I had 15 years of work experience prior to my current role. My boss told me he was unhappy with three mistakes I made in weekly reports I sent to him. Over six months: I incorrectly totaled one column in Excel, I duplicated a tab in one report, and once I used the wrong colored text for a field. None of these mistakes had any business impact and I promptly corrected them when he pointed out the issues. I think this was a reasonable number of mistakes in my first six months.

My performance review and ranking were very bad. The review stated I have “poor attention to detail” and required me to make a plan to improve my performance. I’m stunned because I haven’t made any errors since November. Is this a normal thing for corporate jobs? The HR specialist said she’s giving me six months to improve my attention detail, citing those three reports. There are no other examples of having poor attention to detail in the review. I have met all internal and external deadlines and my work has received good reviews from the other managers. This one manager is known to be particular but he is high up in the company.

Unless there’s really important context missing (like you were asked to fix the mistakes but then you finalized the report without bothering to change anything), this is not normal. This sounds like a routine, unalarming number of minor mistakes made during your first months on the job — and it’s particularly weird that it’s being brought up months later.

Instead of making a plan to improve your performance, I would make a plan to get away from this manager.

3. I’m missing out on work conversations because I don’t smoke

I work for a government department through a contracted agency. There are 50 of us working varied days and hours. No one is allowed to smoke on grounds, so a designated smoking location is by the parking lot. Several members of my department schedule their smoke breaks at the same time every day, making a rather large group from the department.

One of my directors, “John,” joins staff on these scheduled breaks. During these breaks, department information is shared and discussion of department scheduling and staffing decisions/options take place. John has spoken to one of my coworkers, “Jane,” who I work most directly about possible workload decisions. Jane and I work very well together, and to her credit she does share conversations with me and I am aware that my input is also passed on to John during these breaks.

I am a non-smoker. I do not want to join a group of smokers as the non-smoker so I can be part of the “department.” I do have health issues that would be compromised and I do not feel the need to participate in everything involved in a smoke break (going out to the parking lot, weather concerns, my own scheduling, signing in and out for building clearances, etc.).

John has been there as long as I have. I often feel he was promoted beyond his competence, or possibly unprepared for the management role within the department, and has difficulty managing staff who were his former coworkers and remain his friends.I guess I would not have a problem with a smoke break that happened to be at the same time as some of the staff and it happened infrequently. Is there an issue with any of this or do I let it go and not let it bother me?

You’re right to be bothered by it. It’s fine for John to take his smoke break with other smokers, but he should make a point not to have significant work conversations there. He’s putting you at a disadvantage because you don’t smoke and don’t want to be around smoke.

What’s your relationship with John like and how reasonable is he? Ideally you’d talk to him, say you’re missing out on important work conversations that you’d like to be part of, and ask if hold those conversations back in the office instead. Whether or not he’ll be amenable to that is a question — but he should be, and it’s a reasonable thing for you to raise.

Another option if you need it: any chance Jane would be willing to make the same point whenever the work conversations start up out there?

4. Who pays for a travel mistake that’s partly my fault, partly my employer’s?

I went on a work trip to another state, and HR booked my tickets. I asked in advance to return three days later than other colleagues, as I have a good friend in the state we travelled to. I travel there a few times a year and work has always approved this arrangement as long as I cover costs for the additional nights and the date change doesn’t result in a substantial price change. Being out of the office the following three days doesn’t have an impact because I work remotely on any weekdays and we have a hybrid policy, so I wouldn’t be in the office anyway. The extra days make the trip more manageable for me, because otherwise HR books our flights on the same day as our meetings, resulting in long days (think a full day of meetings on the final day, a work dinner, and flight arriving home at 2 am — we’re generally expected to log on a couple of hours later the next day if we choose, but still work a full day unless taking annual leave).

This time, HR booked my flights with the return on the same day as everyone else. They sent me the tickets, but only a few days beforehand when we were all crazy busy preparing for this trip. I didn’t notice the return date was different than I wanted until my intended return date — when I realized the flight had been booked for three days earlier, along with everyone else’s, and had to get a last-minute ticket to get myself home.

I’m happy to suck up the cost and chalk it up to experience, but would I be totally off-base if I did ask my employer if they’d consider contributing toward the new ticket I needed to buy? I admit I’m responsible for not noticing the different date, but I was clear about the dates I wanted in our back and forth about booking and when they forwarded my ticket they didn’t flag that they’d booked a different date to the one I requested. I can see that from their point of view, the mistake arose from them going out of their way to try to accommodate me, but it’s also not a huge accommodation since there’s no extra cost to them and if anything, this arrangement leaves me more well rested. We used to book our own flights and get reimbursed, and I know if I’d done that, I’d have been checking details more thoroughly.

Hmmm. I think you can ask, but be prepared for them to say no. Frame it as, “The ticket purchased for me was different than the dates we’d agreed to before the trip, which left me needing to buy a last-minute ticket on my own to get home. I’m hoping that’s something the company will help me cover, at least partially, since the mistake was on the booking side.” It’s not a super strong argument, and if they say no, I wouldn’t pursue it any further (since, as you point out, the mistake arose from them trying to accommodate you for something personal and they can argue it was your responsibility to check the dates), but I think you can at least raise it and see what happens.

Caveat: If this results in them not being willing to book late returns for you in the future, will you regret having raised it? If so, skip it and just check the dates religiously in the future.

5. Calling students “clients” when moving out of teaching

I’m a teacher looking to move to a different profession, and I am seeing some advice about the language to use when “translating” experience as a teacher to careers outside of education. Some of it makes sense — for instance, not using abbreviations that are often used in education but instead spelling out these things (ex. Learning Management System). Some of it, though, feels akin to bending the truth or lying — suggestions like replacing “students” with “clients” and “parents” with “stakeholders” on a resume. This feels disingenuous to me and like something a hiring manager would roll their eyes at. Does it matter one way or the other?

Yeah, do not call students “clients” or parents “stakeholders.” Hiring managers will indeed roll their eyes at it, and it will seem like you’re trying to paint the experience as something it’s not (when it’s perfectly valuable stated as exactly what it is).

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I don’t want to be the one ordering lunch and stocking the kitchen anymore

I’m a woman in my mid 30s and have been working at least part-time since middle school and full-time since earning my graduate degree a decade ago. Between the recession and Covid, I’ve had to change careers a couple times, but I’ve always received good feedback on my work and often comments from supervisors that I should be promoted in some way. The promotions have never really materialized for one reason or another, but not because of my performance.

In my current role I have some important responsibilities (like payroll and benefits administration), but I also still do things like order lunches for management, get the office birthday cake, stock the kitchen with coffee, etc. I’ve been in this role nearly three years and I’m really starting to resent those kinds of tasks. They’re things I did when I interned in my late teens and during first jobs in my early 20s. While I know somebody has to do them and they’re wrapped up in part of my job description, it makes me feel like I’ll forever be viewed as “early career” even though I’m definitely not anymore. Am I selfish for feeling like I’ve outgrown these tasks or am I limiting myself by accepting that my job includes these kinds of things?

I don’t want to fall into the trap of defining people by their perceived job status, but I feel like I’ve been spinning my wheels for a decade and not going anywhere.

It’s not so much that they’re inherently “junior level” tasks; it’s that they’re office-admin type tasks. At small organizations, it’s not uncommon to include those tasks in the job description of the person who’s also handling payroll and benefits. You’re certainly not selfish for not being interested in doing them anymore, but you might not be being realistic about whether it’s possible to unload them in your current job, at least not without a formal change to your job description and a logical person to offload them to.

If that doesn’t look likely in your current organization, you’d probably have better luck looking at jobs in larger organizations, where there can be much less of an expectation that you’ll wear multiple hats (although even then, you’d want to look critically at the job description; if it’s a sort of catch-all assistant role, those tasks could pop up again).

2. Can I ask why the friend I recommended wasn’t hired?

I work in software development for a financial company, and my friend works in finance. Her current job stopped offering health care (it’s now all through a “health savings account”), and since my friend has a chronic medical condition and a partner undergoing cancer treatment, she’s looking at other options. I suggested she apply to my company, since there was an opening in one of the financial departments I serve and I knew they were short-handed. We would not be direct coworkers in the same department. I helped my friend update her resume and write a cover letter, sat with her while she filled out the application, and gave her the name of the hiring manager. When I got back to work, I wrote a letter of recommendation for my friend and talked to the hiring manager, and the company called my friend within two hours! We were both really hopeful. However, despite the first few interviews going really well, the week after her interviews she got the message that they had decided to move forward with other candidates. When she asked if there was anything that she could have done differently, or qualifications that could have improved her chances, there was radio silence. Additionally, the job is still open almost two months later.

Obviously, my friend is not entitled to a job, and she’s also not entitled to an answer from them. I know from reading your blog that this is not unusual during the job search process and recruiters and hiring managers are not obligated to answer questions after they’ve decided not to hire you. However, these are people that I work with. I have a weekly, standing meeting with several members of the department my friend applied to, including the hiring manager. Would it be unusual or impolite to ask them the same question she did?

Also, I’ve never recommended anyone for a job before. Was there something that I should have done differently that could have improved her chances? I didn’t want to be pushy, because I thought if I looked too eager it would hurt my friend’s chances. So, I wrote her a job recommendation, sent a note to the hiring manager with the recommendation attached, and filled out my company’s referral form. I didn’t mention it to them afterwards. I feel very guilty because the day that my friend had an interview with the hiring manager’s boss, I had a meeting with that same boss, and I didn’t mention it to the boss because I wasn’t sure if it would be impolite or gauche. In the future, should I do something differently? How much leverage do I have?

It’s okay to ask for feedback about a friend you referred if it’s clear you’re asking so you can make better recommendations in the future. But if it comes across like you’re asking just so you can relay the info to your friend, that’s an overstep. If the hiring manager wanted to relay that info to your friend, they would have already done it when she asked (and you could inadvertently cause problems if you relay it without their okay, particularly if something is inartfully worded because they think they’re talking casually to a coworker rather than formally to a candidate).

It’s fine to say, “Anything you can tell me about how to better refine recommendations I’m sending you?” Some hiring managers will understand you’re curious about what happened with your friend and will tell you; others will figure it’s not really your business and/or they don’t want you passing their unfiltered thoughts back to a candidate and so they’ll give you a vague answer. But it’s usually pretty clear when someone is asking because they want insider info about their friend and not because they want to refine their future recommendations, so in your case I’d recommend leaving it alone.

Lots and lots of people who meet the basic qualifications for a job end up not being hired because of nuanced reasons that you wouldn’t be able to predict from the outside; for example, their skills with X are good but not good enough, or their knowledge of Y isn’t deep enough, or they seemed resistant to taking on Z, or the hiring manager could see they wouldn’t work well with them/the team, or on and on and on. Keep in mind, too, that you’ve never worked with your friend; you don’t know what her “work persona” is like or how strongly suited her skills really were for the role.

I think you’re feeling like you somehow should have been able to clinch the job for her, but that’s not how hiring works. It’s great to make the connection, as you did, but you should go into it knowing that from there it’s out of your hands.

3. Bathroom sign

I work at a small nonprofit that occupies space in a government building. We share a bathroom with municipal staff. The toilets are on the old side and occasionally leave small streaks in the toilet bowl. Two of the women who work in the building (one of my direct reports and one of the municipal employees) have been VERY bothered by this. They made a sign and laminated it, saying “be nice, flush twice.”

Am I overreacting in thinking the sign is too far? It makes me extremely self-conscious about my own bathroom use, and I feel like it’s not their responsibility to address. Should I say something, or should I just let it go?

Let it go. That kind of sign isn’t that unusual in communal bathrooms, and it would be an odd thing to tell them was a step too far. If you see other indicators that they’re obsessing over this — if they start harassing people about their bathroom usage or something like that — that’s something you’d need to address with the person who works for you, but otherwise this is not something you need to intervene on.

4. Should I explain I’m withdrawing from a hiring process because of the low salary?

I recently applied for a leadership position because it seemed like a good next step for me, career-wise. The position did not have a salary listed, but there was an estimate on LinkedIn on the posting. I was really excited when I got offered an interview, but I learned in the invitation that the salary was significantly lower than the estimated range on the job board. Because of this, I plan to decline the interview, as I am making more in my current position as a mid-level manager. Do you have any advice about if it is worth letting the hiring manager know that salary is the reason I am withdrawing?

Yes, please do! Losing good candidates over salary is part of the way employers get the message that the salary they’re offering is out of sync with the market.

Obviously, if only one person says that and they’re able to hire someone they’re excited about, it might not have an impact. But if they’re losing multiple candidates they were interested in, it’s likely to be seen as useful data. It could even help the hiring manager make the case for a higher budget for the role.

5. Interviewer keeps contacting me to “keep in touch”

Several months ago, I made it to the second round of interviews for a state agency. I did not get the job, but I later accepted an offer from a different state agency.

Soon afterward, one of the interviewers from the first agency reached out about a new job opening, and I let him know I had accepted another offer. He congratulated me and wished me luck. Since then, he has reached out a couple of times asking to meet up and checking to see how my new job was going.

I was unable to meet up with him the first time he asked, but he has continued checking in. This most recent time he mentioned that his agency might have an opening soon. I told him I appreciated him thinking of me, but that I’m happy in my current role and plan to stay here for the foreseeable future. Each time he reaches out, he tells me to “keep in touch,” and he said that again this time. Why would I keep in touch with him? I can see reaching out if I decide on a career change, but keeping in touch seems weird.

I’m wondering what the proper response would be from me. Is it normal for an interviewer to keep reaching out even after a candidate has accepted another job?

It’s possible he genuinely thought you were great and wants to keep you in his pipeline of potential candidates for the future, or you’re just someone he wants in his professional network. It’s also possible his interest isn’t professional at all and he’s angling for a date or similar.

Either way, your response the last time — that you’re in happy in your current role and plan to stay there for the foreseeable future — was perfect. If he continues to contact you, you’re free to ignore him if you want to!