Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. A recruiter got angry that I contacted a company directly

Someone contacted me through LinkedIn and said he was recruiting for an executive assistant role and asked if I had any contacts who might be interested. I used to work as an administrative coordinator with a specific community that the organization he was hiring for also worked with. I asked if he had a job description and any other information about the company, which he provided. The job description was thorough, but it wasn’t on company letterhead and when I checked out the company website, they didn’t have the job posted.

I was starting to worry that this might be a scam. I may just not be used to working with recruiters but I wanted to be sure before I sent it to anyone I knew. He also had the same name as a TV character (think Walter White), which made me a little more suspicious.

This is where I may have messed up. I didn’t think it would be a big deal to contact someone at the company he was recruiting for and just confirm that this was a legitimate position. I left a message with reception and left it at that.

I got an email from the recruiter the next day saying he heard that I had contacted the company and he was obviously hurt and angry. He sent me a rather hostile and condescending message about how this had never happened to him before and he deals in trust, etc. and made it clear he was no longer interested in my help.

I messaged him back apologizing for offending him but said that I’ve known people who were scammed while looking for work, I wanted to be sure this was a real opportunity, I don’t think it was unreasonable for me to contact the company, and I didn’t regret doing it. I got another rude response about how I don’t understand recruiting and then he blocked me.

I know I shouldn’t let this bother me, but I haven’t been working for three years because I had a kid, and I’m starting to think about going back to work. Now I’m sort of dreading the prospect. Was I wrong to have contacted the company? For what it’s worth, I considered applying to the job myself but decided I’m not ready for a full-time job as busy as this one seemed like it would be. At the same time, this company seemed really cool and even if I don’t want to work there now, maybe I will in future and have burned a bridge there.

Lastly, should I inform the company he was recruiting for about the messages he sent me? He didn’t swear or threaten me but he was definitely rude and immature. But I admit that I may just want to tell them because he was a jerk and it cheesed me off. If I was already wrong to contact them in the first place, I should probably quit while I’m ahead.

There are legitimate reasons recruiters are sometimes annoyed if a candidate contacts a company directly, including that the company may have hired them to recruit for a position that isn’t public yet (for example, because it’s a new role/initiative that they aren’t ready to publicize yet, or they’re replacing someone who doesn’t know they’re being replaced — which would also be reasons the job wasn’t listed on their website). Companies also sometimes hire recruiters when they don’t want to be bothered by calls from candidates.

But the recruiter’s reply was ridiculous and over-the-top. He could have simply explained what the issue was (or declined to work with you further if he felt that strongly). Sending you a hostile message about how this had never happened to him before (is he brand new to the work?) was a weirdly intense reaction.

I wouldn’t bother putting energy into informing the company. They know him, they don’t know you, and it risks muddying your name with them a little (even though it shouldn’t). You’re better off just figuring he’s not someone you would want to work with and moving on.

2. Can I do anything about my aggressive-driver coworker?

I work at a campus hospital in a medium-sized city. Sometimes, like everyone else, I encounter rude drivers on my morning commute: people who tailgate, people who cut you off, people who tailgate you until they get the chance to pass you and then cut you off as tightly as possible to express their anger that you were only going three miles above the speed limit in a residential neighborhood — you know, humans! Unfortunately, over the last year, one person has done this so frequently and with such vehemence that I now recognize both his face and his Audi. (Once he passes me, he immediately begins tailgating the next person, and I’ve seen him cut off plenty of other people. So I think this is just the terrible, terrible way he drives.)

Can anyone do anything about this? We work at the same place. We park in the same parking garage. With minimal effort, I could find the name to match that scowling face, and frankly I’d like to make him a custom bumper sticker with a cartoon version of his face and his personal cell phone number printed on it, along with a “how’s my driving” message. Anyway, what I would like even more than that is to just never think about this man again, but instead he pops up at least once a week being a real jerk behind the wheel. The answer is just, “you just have to let this one go,” right? There isn’t even a possible work-related reason this man should have to get his shit together? (Yes I’m autistic, no I can’t ever let anything go, yes OF COURSE I wish that was not the case.)

Yeah, you probably have to let it go. I suppose in theory you could leave a note on his car telling him he’s endangering other people — which would have the subtext of “some of the people you’re tailgating and cutting off are your coworkers, which means you’re not anonymous” — but I’m skeptical it’s going to do much good. If you have campus police, you could potentially alert them but I’m not sure they could do much with the report. Ultimately, there aren’t really good options here. (I do like the bumper sticker though.)

3. Should I be worried about maxed out company credit cards?

I work for a healthcare group that recently got bought out by private investors. It’s been a challenge for a few reasons, but I am nervous about one situation in particular. All the offices share one line of credit for our office credit cards. Most things, including bills, are charged to this account. About two months ago, I had some transactions for supplies decline. I emailed our accounting team and it was resolved in a day, with them stating they needed to pay down the balance.

This month, the same situation happened. I went to charge about $40 to the credit card for supplies, and the card declined. I emailed our accounting team, and no response. A few days went by and more bills were declined. Payments for vital supplies to run the business would not go through. No one responded to my emails questioning this, or emails from another staff member at another office. It took seven days for the card to work again, and no one has addressed what was going on. I’m nervous that the new investors do not have the money to be paying our bills. I do know our office is generating enough money to cover our expenses, but I’m not sure about the other locations. Could this be an indicator of a larger issue? Should this be a big enough red flag to look for another job? I don’t want to wait around if I’m seeing indicators that this business could be going under or is being mismanaged!

Yes, it’s a red flag. Either they’re not investing enough money to keep the business running or their systems are so disorganized that basic things aren’t happening, which means other basic things might not be happening either. (For example, are you going to find out three months from now that your retirement contributions were never deposited?) It’s possible there’s some less alarming explanation, but when payments for vital supplies aren’t going through, there’s a problem. I’d start looking around.

4. My employer hasn’t prepared for my departure

I gave notice two and a half weeks ago that I was resigning from my job for a new opportunity. My boss acknowledged the resignation, and talked about how she’d have a plan in place for my transition. I am now two days from my last day and my transition plan of who will take over my projects is still incomplete! I work in a client-facing role, and less than half of my clients have been reassigned to other client managers. I have clients who do not even know that I am leaving (if I haven’t met with them as recently) or know that I am leaving but still do not have someone to take over the projects from me. I also worry I won’t have time to bring my team members up to speed on the projects or introduce my clients to their new project lead.

What do I do? How much responsibility do I have in this situation? I worry I won’t have time to transition my projects before I go, and I don’t want to leave my clients or coworkers in the lurch because my leadership was ill-prepared.

Ultimately, this is their responsibility, not yours (unless you’re in a senior role where you’d be expected to lead the transition work yourself). That said, in a lot of roles, ideally you would have been taking the initiative on some of this — “here’s a list of my projects and where they stand, we need to train someone on XYZ, these clients still need to be reassigned,” etc. (and then what they did with the info from there, if anything, would be up to them). On the other hand, there are some roles where you wouldn’t even be expected to do that.

At this point, since you’re two days out, I’d give just give your boss a list of all of this and leave it with her; even if you ideally would have done some of it earlier, she’s been more responsible for managing it than you are are.

One thing to think about is how you want to handle clients who still don’t know you’re leaving. If you haven’t been explicitly told not to tell them, in many cases it would make sense to email and let them know (although be aware some companies very much don’t want you to do that without their okay, so you need to know your company on this one).

5. My interviewer offered me a feedback call but then never got back to me

I recently interviewed for a job and got a rejection email. In the email, the interviewer said, “If you would like feedback on your interview please let me know and we can arrange a time to speak.” I was happy to hear that, since I’d really like to get a job at an organization like theirs. I thought the offer to speak was a little strange, since usually I’d expect to get feedback via email if at all, but I went with the way they offered and replied asking when would be a convenient time for them.

This was four days ago and they haven’t replied. I wonder if I should have offered times myself, or suggested receiving the feedback by email to avoid taking up their time. At this point, can I follow up or should I just leave it be?

Sometimes people make offers like this fully intending it at the time but then higher priorities intervene. Other times they make the offer without thinking (sometimes because they’ve seen others make similar offers and haven’t thought through what’s really involved). Who can say which it is in this case, but it would be fine to follow up once after at least a full week has gone by — something like, “Just wanted to check back on this. I know you must be busy but if there’s a time that works for you in the next two weeks, I’d love to take you up on your offer for feedback.” If you still don’t get a response, let it drop at that point.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Are managers “deeply concerned” if you ask for feedback?

A while back, I took an advanced class in a topic I’d never studied, but still within my department. I mentioned this to the professor before committing. This was a small class (~10 students) and as typical for such small advanced-level classes in my department, we’d received no feedback or grades a month and a half in. (The general assumption is if you show up and are engaged in the material, you’re getting an A, since you’re there because you’re genuinely interested.) A couple of days before the drop deadline, I emailed the professor with what I assumed was a routine clarification on how I was doing in her class (since this was a new topic to me) because if I wasn’t doing well, I’d rather drop the class.

Well. That was a mistake. I got a blistering email back about how she had thought I was doing well, but clearly she had been mistaken and if she was wrong about that, what else was she wrong about? This professor had always been blunt, but the email was vicious and I was left nearly in tears. I talked to her after the next class to clear up whatever miscommunication had happened, trying to say that I was just looking for some feedback because I’d never taken this subject before, but she talked over me the whole time, saying things like: “all this haggling about grades is why so many professors quit” and “you have to be able to judge your own work” and “if I were your manager and I got that email from you, I would’ve been deeply concerned about your performance.” (In my head, I was thinking: “if you were my manager, I would’ve run the other way.”)

This tale has an unsatisfactory conclusion. She emailed all the students with feedback the next week in the vein of “I need a record of this in case somebody complains” and the rest of the semester went downhill. I never did stop flinching at new emails from her in my inbox. Was there something better I could have done to resolve this situation? Was this just a crazy scenario that I would never encounter in the professional world? Is there a way of asking for feedback from these kinds of people without causing them to erupt? Or was this a red flag and my instincts to run were right? (I and my GPA sorely regret not dropping that class when I could.)

What on earth. Whatever your professor was reacting to, I don’t think it was about you. You asked a very reasonable and mild question! She’s also dead wrong about work: It’s very, very normal to ask your manager for feedback about how you’re doing if you’re not getting much. In fact, it’s something I recommend! The idea that a manager should be “deeply concerned” about someone’s performance because they asked for feedback is astoundingly backwards; asking for feedback tends to be the mark of someone who’s conscientious and wants to do a good job! Certainly if someone is asking multiple times a day and if, after repeated guidance, can’t assess whether routine work is hitting the mark or not, that could be a problem — but that’s the only point where “you have to be able to judge your own work” would come into it.

Asking once about how you’re doing overall? Your professor was a nut. If I were her manager and she reacted this way to an employee requesting feedback, I’d be deeply concerned about her (and that’s an understatement).

2. How do I recharge with physical touch at work?

I’m currently working to get my master’s degree, and I’m about halfway through my final internship at a care facility. I enjoy the work and the team. Regardless, it’s still a lot! Especially with my university homework taking up a lot of my free time, I’m starting some weeks feeling a lot more stressed/tired than others.

In my personal time I recharge by connecting with my loved ones, and I’m huge on physical touch — I’ve always been a hugger and a hand-holder. Having (non-work-related) chats with my coworkers over lunch definitely helps fill my bucket back up halfway through the day, but recently, it’s not been enough. I feel fully empty before the workday is over and find myself craving some kind of physical touch or pressure.

Hugging my coworkers doesn’t exactly seem like an option! I own some large plushies that I sometimes chill on the couch with, but I don’t think that’s an acceptable substitute for in office either. Maybe a neutral pillow of the same size to have on my lap could work, but that still feels a bit too unusual (especially for an intern). Is there another option? Am I gonna have to find a different way to recharge my battery? Or am I overthinking and would a pillow be fine actually?

A pillow might be fine (definitely not a bed pillow, but something more like a throw pillow) but it would still be pretty unusual in some offices, and, particularly if you’re new to the work world, it risks looking … odd. Can you look for other ways to recharge? Since physical touch is an important piece of it, would something like squeezing a stress ball help?

3. I got in trouble for saying I didn’t want to be “a dick”

During an audit I conducted last week, I referenced that I didn’t want to be “a dick” about a finding. (This was not in a report and was just part of conversation regarding some of the findings we had during the audit.) The auditees reported me to my company and I got disciplined. Is this even a legit disciplinary?

Were the auditees from an external client or were they internal colleagues? Either way, it’s legitimate for your company to say that they don’t want you using “dick” in professional conversations — but it’s extra understandable for them to think it was bad judgment to say to an external client.

That said, if it was to internal colleagues, formal discipline seems excessive; they could simply tell you not to say it again and consider the message delivered.

4. My coworker wants to know if I’m applying for a job she really, really wants

Over the past several months, a coworker has shared with me and others that she wants a position many people suspected would open up soon. She had originally applied and interviewed for the position a couple of years ago but did not get it. I (and other team members) were on the interview committee. So she has wanted this job for a long time.

The role opened up last week. My coworker immediately stated her intent to apply to some of us on the team. She highlighted her experience doing the work associated with the role and her deep interest in many parts of the work. Over the last few months when she has talked about this, I’ve tried to mostly stay quiet. I’m all for people going after what they want. And I can see a number of strengths she has that would be well suited for the open position. However, in the event that I’m asked to be on the interview committee, I want to evaluate all candidates as fairly as possible.

My coworker messaged me asking if I plan to apply for the role. I immediately felt uncomfortable. I had no intention of applying for it. But if I had, I don’t know that I would want to share that information with someone who has been saying for months how qualified they are and how badly they want the position. Well, after receiving her message I was strongly encouraged to apply. I haven’t decided what I’ll do, but I did promise to give it some thought.

What should I say to my coworker? I haven’t made up my mind. It doesn’t feel right to ignore her. But it also feels intimidating to be asked such a question in this scenario. Oh and to make matters more complicated, my coworker would be a direct report of whoever steps into the role.

Yeah, against that backdrop your coworker’s message feels very much like, “Are you going to compete with me for this thing you know I badly want?”

She’s put you in an awkward position and, because of that, I would consider not replying. She’s not entitled to the information, after all! But if you don’t want to do that or assume she’ll just confront you in person if you do, stay as bland as possible: “I’m not sure. I think we all owe to ourselves to consider opportunities that come along, but I don’t know yet.”

If she flips out on you in response, consider having a discreet word with your manager about it — because she can/should explain to your coworker that she can’t call dibs on a job, and trying to intimidate other people out of applying isn’t a move that will strengthen her candidacy.

5. My employer got rid of salary bands

I work at a private university. The university as a whole has 11 “grades” with salary ranges. But the library — which has about 500 staff — has decided that, from now on, we aren’t using the grades. Instead, we have one giant band for all the non-unionized individual contributors, and one giant band for all the managers. Both bands are the same, and quite broad: $65k-$170k. Unionized library staff, and the rest of the university, still have narrower grades. The announcement said, “A single band will allow for more accurate salary reviews and monitoring of pay equity going forward.”

But — how will collapsing the grades into one new band that covers everyone make salary reviews and monitoring more accurate? Not being an HR expert, I would have thought that you’d monitor pay equity by comparing the people in band A to each other, and comparing the people in band B to each other, etc., and also considering whether people with marginalized characteristics are “stuck” in lower bands. Or you could do it by years of experience — but even in that case, I don’t see how the existence of multiple bands would somehow make that approach harder or less accurate.

Does the stated explanation make sense? Is this a good practice? I can’t imagine that it will make it easier to recruit new hires, now that the salary range is so large as to be meaningless. And I’m certainly upset that the raises I thought I could expect, based on my progress through the grades, are now apparently in question. But I don’t have a lot of trust or confidence in the organization — maybe that is poisoning my reaction to a reasonable change?

No, by having everyone in one massive band, they’ve essentially opted out of using pay bands at all. The claim that this will make it easy to monitor pay equity is nonsensical; they’re removed a tool to do it. They’ve also decreased salary transparency; you now have no idea what any given job should pay or what the pay potential is for a particular job. They’ve given themselves maximum flexibility while giving employees minimum info.