Ask a Manager

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer who was told their performance evaluation would be based on activities outside of work? Here’s the update.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my letter, and thank you to everyone who commented! It’s been over a year since then, and I finally have a somewhat satisfying update.

As several comments pointed out, the goals that my supervisor assigned to me seemed strangely generic. I had thought about my actual career goals beforehand, but my supervisor had a list of examples from HR, and she said that we should stick to those. At least the examples I mentioned in my original letter were work-related, but my supervisor also suggested other activities to help me meet my quotas for relationship-building and community involvement, such as volunteering for a local church group (which seemed like a bizarre and inappropriate suggestion to me, but I digress). I got the impression that corporate just wanted to say that all employees volunteer in their communities because it was good PR, and my supervisor just wanted to check off boxes on a list to keep corporate happy.

When I tried to clarify whether or not these activities were paid, or how they should be recorded on my timesheet, I got very vague responses. She just kept repeating the phrase “on your own time” and emphasizing that these are supposed to be “volunteer” activities that didn’t need to be recorded on my timesheet at all. When I asked coworkers about it, they had mixed experiences and basically told me it was up to the supervisor’s discretion. When I tried to push back in my next review, my supervisor doubled down. All of the extracurriculars had been annoying but doable in my first review cycle, but in the next cycle, the list became a lot longer and was no longer doable for me, especially unpaid. Since she wasn’t receptive to hearing that, I essentially accepted that I would not get perfect score on my review and that I probably wasn’t a good fit for the company culture in the long term. (Special shoutout to the commenters who helped me make my peace with this!)

My supervisor was very hands-off and we didn’t work together directly, so she couldn’t really give me any meaningful feedback, and it made the review process feel very impersonal. She didn’t seem familiar with the core responsibilities that I was supposedly hired for (which made me worry that I had misunderstood my role), and she often forgot basic information about my background (which made it feel like I was being reviewed by a total stranger). For example, when I mentioned that I’d been working towards some certifications that I’d like to include as goals for my review, she responded, “Are you sure you’re ready for that? I don’t think you’re even eligible yet.” These certifications are common in our industry and anyone with a few years of experience would be eligible, so it seemed like she was under the impression that I was a recent college graduate (likely because I was hired around the same time as some recent graduates), even though I was hired with a mid-level title and salary. I clarified that yes, I was definitely eligible, and others had encouraged me to obtain these certifications since they would benefit both me and the company, but I understood that it was up to her whether or not to include these goals in my review. On paper, based on her ratings in my formal review, I would have seemed like the most mediocre employee in the world. Meanwhile, I was regularly getting high praise from the people who actually did work with me directly. Even my supervisor’s boss would occasionally call me out of the blue to say that everyone had been so impressed with the quality of my work, I was a valuable addition to the team, they couldn’t afford to lose me, etc. So I was getting mixed messages to say the least.

Eventually, due to some organizational reshuffling, I was assigned a new supervisor. I met with both supervisors to discuss the transition, and my old supervisor expressed concern that I hadn’t completed all of the goals for my review yet, e.g. I participated in the formal mentorship program with one mentor, but she wanted me to have multiple mentors through the formal program. My new supervisor agreed with me that I was getting the mentorship I needed in other ways and that adding more of these formal mentorship meetings to my schedule wasn’t the most productive use of my time. I asked yet again about which activities could be paid, and my old supervisor started giving me her typical vague response, but my new supervisor quickly jumped in to say that most of these activities were for the company’s benefit (especially things like attending networking events with clients) and I should absolutely be paid for that time. It took him less than 30 seconds to answer a question that my previous supervisor had been dodging for over a year.

Since then, I’ve been promoted twice. I still don’t expect to stay at this company forever, but I’m satisfied with where I’m at right now, and I consider that a happy ending.

Thanks again for your excellent advice! I continue to read your blog regularly, and I’m incredibly grateful to you and the commenters for sharing your workplace wisdom.

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer whose life was being devoured by a volunteer group they had founded years ago? Here’s the update.

I wrote back in 2017 (!) about a volunteer organization (“AVO”) that I had founded and was, at the time, devouring my life. This update is up, down, and all over the place, so my apologies to the readership in advance.

I mulled things over for a few months after you posted my response, but at that year’s annual board elections, I formally left AVO’s board and handed the reins over to other people. I was still there to handle some of the technical pieces of the accounting system I had built, but I left the day-to-day running of things to other people. When I was in town during a project or a fundraiser, I would attend, and that was that. The close family member whom I referenced in my original letter took over some things, other people took over other things, and stuff seemed to be going okay. The company was even bringing in enough grant funding to properly pay more of the young artists with whom it worked. Yay!

Then, in the fall of 2018, AVO wound up in a protracted insurance dispute with the venue that hosted its largest yearly event, which spiraled over the next year. Separately, AVO’s original treasurer returned (not of my doing!), put huge — but legitimate — expenses on the company’s credit cards, set the credit cards to auto-pay the minimum balance every month, and then abruptly quit and stopped talking to anyone. The credit card company, likewise, would not speak to anyone at AVO (even my close relative, who was appointed treasurer and trying to clean up the credit card mess) because the former treasurer had not changed any of the names on the card accounts before leaving and still refused to speak to anyone to sort out the mess. Paying off the cards would have taken years anyway, but AVO was also in a sector that was very heavily impacted by the pandemic, and two years of canceled events and unrelenting admin costs also took their toll, leaving the company in very bad shape financially come 2022. Things were starting to look up then: a few anonymous donors — I have my suspicions who, but I can’t prove them — gave enough money to begin digging out of the hole caused by compound credit card interest, and the insurance dispute magically resolved itself due to employee turnover at the insurance companies. AVO’s board would need to be largely reconstituted, but that could happen in due time.

Then, in early 2023, my close relative suddenly and unexpectedly died. He had been the only person remaining on the board with access to the company’s bank account, the only person who understood how to communicate with state agencies, the only person with a complete history of the company in his memory, and the only person who had the time and energy to work with new volunteers and board members and really get things going again post-pandemic. After he died, my family’s remaining members and I agreed with AVO’s remaining board members that AVO should close. I’m now back on the board, this time as treasurer, to clean up finances, sell or donate assets, cancel accounts, file final paperwork, and close the organization. (I even managed to strong-arm the credit card companies into allowing me to pay off and close the cards.) It’s not what I want to be doing with my free time, but since AVO isn’t doing any actual programming anymore, there are no set deadlines, and I can just work on it at my own pace. The hardest part of the situation is dealing with the dual grief of saying goodbye to my relative and an organization that has been a part of my life for so long all at once — and that’s a problem for my therapist, who is thankfully quite helpful.

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer who was planning to hire externally when their staff expected an internal hire (#3 at the link)? Here’s the update.

As some commenters guessed, I work at a library. We have a lot of part-time positions and some people will absolutely apply for positions they don’t have interest or experience in just to move up to full-time.

I know some of the commenters were worried that I was preemptively rejecting people without knowing their skill sets, but we have a fairly small department (fewer than 20) and I’ve worked on projects with almost everyone on staff. Only a handful would have been eligible for the position, and as I said in my letter, my director agreed that they weren’t a good fit for the position. There were reasons other than the lack of experience working with children — that lack was just the easiest to immediately point out.

One of the things I didn’t mention originally is that when internal candidates are interested in an open position, my department doesn’t even do interviews with them. They have a meeting with the potential supervisor who lays out the new pay, schedule, and duties and that’s usually it. They start the new role on the next pay period.

This is not how I wanted to find a new youth assistant. So I took the following approaches to normalize my decision with staff.

I focused on selling the message that we were taking both internal and external applicants at the same time and making it clear that internal applicants would have to go through the same basic process as external. (With some planned tweaks to the interview, since they had already been hired in our department.)

Whenever someone brought up the position, I just stated that we would be opening to internal and external applicants simultaneously. A few long time staff were shocked and one person (who wasn’t even interested in applying) attempted to correct me, basically saying that current staff got first dibs on newly opened positions. To which I simply replied, “Not this time.”

My director announced the decision to open to both external and internal applicants at our management meeting and gave me a chance to explain why to my peers. Having her support helped staff more readily accept the change. And as I pointed out to them, since we normally only hire for part-time positions, opening up this full-time position to external applicants gave us a more diverse applicant pool. Yay!

I was given the opportunity to rewrite the job description from scratch. We were originally going to edit the existing document, but soon realized that starting over would make a lot more sense. I had free rein to completely redo the job description, duties, necessary skills, and experience requirements. I focused on being clear in the descriptions of what the job entailed and making sure the experience requirements were relevant to the job and made sense to require of applicants. I also redid the interview process so that it focused on skills and experience that are meaningful to the position, especially those related to children’s programming.

Once I’d revamped the job description, I sent it to staff with an email that clearly stated the primary job duties and necessary experience for the role. Those who had initially expressed interest in the position chose not to apply after being presented with this new job description. So all in all, it was less of an issue than I worried it would be, but I’m hopeful that all of this will help staff be more open to the idea of external hires when needed in the future.

During our hiring process, we received enough qualified candidates that I was able to focus on applicants who had both experience in our field and in working with children. Our eventual hire was someone who was doing almost the same exact job part-time at another library. They seem to be a great fit so far – they have an understanding of the philosophies and mission of our field, enjoy the parts of the job that the last youth assistant found frustrating, and are currently working on a degree in our field, with a focus on youth services. I don’t know how long they’ll stay, but since I no longer have to worry about their interactions with children and families I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts. And hopefully the next time I have to hire, it won’t be quite as stressful!

Thank you so much for your advice and for this website. The management aspects of my job are my least favorite part, but reading this column for years has helped me feel a little better about what I’m doing, and at least I knew where to turn when I started spiraling during this hiring :)

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer whose coworker sent her his photography page — and it was mostly racy portraits of women? Here’s the update.

After I submitted the letter, I spoke to my boss about it (she was very supportive) and I spoke to HR, but I did not respond to the initial messages this guy sent to me. The HR process started out promising but ended up being a bit demoralizing — I initially spoke to them the week that I received the messages, documented and submitted an official report, and felt really supported and good about the process! But then didn’t hear anything back from them in terms of action on their end. Due to the holidays, a heavy workload, and some larger shake-ups across the company, I didn’t follow up with them that month, but was planning to check back in in January.

Before I followed up with them, though, I got another set of messages from this guy, asking if he would see me at an upcoming in-person event in Vegas (gross!). To clarify, we have no business reason to interact at this event and the two other people on my team (both men) did not receive messages from this guy asking if they’d be there. Just me. I reported this message to HR as well and discovered that they had not spoken to him or his boss about the incident since I had made the initial report over a month before! After two meetings where I reiterated that I considered this sexual harassment, they did take action and gave my harasser a warning. He has not communicated with me since and I have not attended any in-person events he was at.

While my company’s reaction could have been worse, it was very frustrating and demoralizing that they didn’t take action on my initial report (maybe I would not have been harassed again if they had!). There were some terrible suggestions made about how to handle in-person events. (Assigning a coworker to be my permanent chaperone was floated, as if it would be completely unremarkable for my coworker to follow me everywhere in Vegas without explanation and would have no effect on my experience of the event. Wild. I made it clear that was unacceptable.) I also had to deal with some pressure to confront my harasser myself. Maybe some people would find it “empowering” to do that, as our HR team suggested — personally, I found it more empowering to be allowed to do my job without having to spend time and emotional energy crafting and sending the perfect professional yet firm Slack message to someone harassing me.

Overall I enjoy this job and like my company, coworkers, and boss, but it’s been depressing realizing how such a small action on someone else’s part has had lasting impacts on some aspects of work. It definitely took me longer than I thought it would to not have a negative association with new Slack messages coming in and I actively avoid looking at this guy’s photo or video during group Zoom meetings. Because we are planning an in-person event in February, I will have to re-raise this issue with my boss. What fun!

I regret mentioning the cultural difference element in my email. I wrote it basically the same day I was harassed and I definitely was still grasping at straws to somehow explain why this was happening to me. I was lucky to have a strong support network, including a very supportive partner, and a job that eventually did respond to the complaint, but it still really sucked. Thank you to everyone who expressed sympathy and solidarity in the comments, especially people who weighed in on the cultural issue (and apologies again for casting aspersions on Northern Europeans).

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. Space heaters and thermostat wars

One thing I failed to mention in my original post is that I own the office building as well, so I get to set these perimeters on space heaters as both employer and building owner. The space heater is not disallowed by my building rules (but perhaps should be).

The space heater she uses is very small and does have the safety feature of turning off when tipped over. I am also the last to leave the office every night, so I make sure everything is off (which I’ve never had a problem with her turning it off before leaving). Her space is an office size of about 9×10 or so with 8’ ceilings, so fairly contained. Her office, though, is also attached to my office by a doorway. The heat traveling is definitely a matter of the office configuration.

The building’s thermostat sits on the wall just outside her office. While the heater is heating the space and traveling out of her office, it is also creating a constant use of the AC because of the thermostat reading (which was raising the electric bill while still not cooling adequately).

What I also failed to mention was that during the summer months, she kept her air vent closed in this space so there was no air (cold air) pumping in this space, making it even warmer and more humid. After this post, I discussed the concern over the office temperature with her and that she was the only one that needed the extra warmth (considering it was a sweltering 100 degrees most of the summer), so I would like her to close her doors when using the heater. Although I believe I was very direct but gentle in this request, my request went unanswered and the heater remained running with the doors open, presumably because if I was in another room besides my office, she felt it didn’t affect me while it was running. I would walk back in my office to a rainforest and she would then shut off the heater (as if it was only while it was running that bothered me).

I then had to have a more direct conversation that if that heater was running at any point, the doors absolutely must be shut. I explained the problem lies in the warmth traveling through the office that no one else wanted, as well as the fact she was creating a much warmer area directly in contact with the thermostat, making the AC unit run constantly and the bill going up. She mentioned she understood, and she would be bringing a warm blanket to wrap up in. I don’t mind a blanket at all, although I’m very concerned there is something wrong with her health if it is that severe she needs a blanket when it is 74 degrees. At the direct approach of explaining the effects on the rest of us – both our comfort and my pocketbook – I believe she took that to heart. She began closing her doors at all times when it is running, so the issue is only a small problem when she opens the doors and heat quickly billows out or when we have to go in there and do something that takes longer than 2 minutes while enduring the sauna.

Although now that it is freezing temps outside, she’s still not dressing appropriately warm. I believe that bothers me the most because the issue could be resolved in a very normal way that doesn’t affect anyone else. I have found I am strangely uncomfortable discussing her wardrobe and telling her to wear more clothes. One comment mentioned a rule that additional layers must be added before turning on the space heater. Is that acceptable to require? I do want to mention that just today she finally brought in the blanket she mentioned, so I have high hopes we are making progress!

2. I can’t get out of low-level admin work

Thank you so much for answering my question, and to all the commenters who chimed in! Seeing my letter published gave me the nudge I needed to start looking for jobs. I’ve been avoiding applying for any job that seems like a lateral move or has too much admin work since I don’t want to end up in the same situation again. And because I actually want to use my skills! I wish I had a nicer update, but … I am seven months into my job search and still looking. I’ve applied to about 70 jobs at this point, interviewed with many great companies, gotten second and third interviews, but no offers. I admit I definitely didn’t expect this to take so long.

I’m applying for jobs that usually say they require 3-6 years of experience in the field (I have 6 or 7) and require software skills that I have, so as far as I can tell I feel qualified for what I’m applying to. (Though I have had two different interviewers act surprised and annoyed when I didn’t have web design experience, even though I didn’t claim to have experience in that and the job description didn’t mention that – the job description for both specified graphic design experience, which I do have, so it seems those hiring managers must have thought web coding and graphic design were interchangeable phrases?) I’ve also had two experiences now where I’ve made it to the end of an interview process only for them to tell me they’re pausing the hiring process for the foreseeable future but will let me know if/when they can proceed. I’ve asked a few interviewers for feedback after a rejection and haven’t gotten anything specific, just a couple generic “we hired someone with more experience,” and I’ve been told before that I interview well so I’m not terribly concerned about that, but it’s still hard not to doubt myself at this point. For now, I’m forging on with my search, but I’m also considering whether I need to take a class or start a certificate program in my field if I don’t find something soon.

As for my current job … my boss is kind of a tyrannical mess, so I haven’t talked to her any further about taking on additional responsibilities or what it takes to get promoted. If it helps explain anything, I related so strongly when this letter about a hyper-critical boss was published a few months ago. There’s not much productive conversation with a boss like that. Also of note: another manager recently had to tell my boss that yelling at her direct reports is not a good way to motivate them. (She disagreed.) Unsurprisingly, my motivation is practically non-existent at this point. She’s great at creating baseless drama so I’m just trying to keep a reasonable amount of peace until I can leave.

I remain so grateful to AAM for all the encouragement in this long process. Onward march!

Update to the update:

After almost nine months of job searching, I finally received a job offer that is 1) in an industry I’m passionate about, 2) a step up for me and a good fit for my skills — a mix of things I have experience in and some new-to-me things that I want to learn, 3) has good pay and somehow good benefits … and I happily accepted the offer yesterday and put in my two weeks. But the reason I’m writing this update isn’t even just because of that good news, but because I wanted to share that I successfully negotiated for more vacation time, something I never knew was an option until I read AAM. So thanks, Alison, for publishing letters about how to negotiate — and specifically negotiating more time off!

For context, the only downside of this job offer was that they were starting me off with a week less vacation time than what I currently have. I wrote back and explained how much vacation time I have now, and asked if, based on the experience I’m bringing to the role, they could start me at the amount of vacation time that employees receive after one year of employment, which would have been the middle between how much I have now and what the original offer was. I was afraid to high-ball them since I didn’t want them to pull away all together … but to my very pleasant surprise they responded quickly to say they were happy to match the amount of vacation time I currently have — more than what I asked for! I think it also helped my case that they told me the salary was set and non-negotiable (due to the position being funded by a grant), which they were kindly apologetic about. In general they’ve been very kind and flexible with me in the hiring process and I’m incredibly grateful. It’s already been a breath of fresh air and I have reason to hope things will be better there.

I’m not sure which I’m more excited about – starting my new job or leaving my current job… :)

3. I deeply regret joining my company’s leadership program (#2 at the link)

The short update is, I stuck it out, it blessedly ended, and regained my normal job that I really like.

The long update is, that hearing from you and from comments that I wasn’t doomed to the mailroom if I didn’t do this actually helped me put it in perspective. I definitely needed to get that confirmation that the pants were bananas full of bees. I reevaluated how much time and emotion I was putting into the project, and worked on treating it proportionally to its level of importance. I ended up really impressing some people with my actual contribution to the final product. I made connections in other departments that have been valuable. I was honest in feedback about the experience and found I was in the majority regarding this years cohort, so much so that the future structure is being evaluated. I wouldn’t do it again but I’m proud that I did it and broke my pattern of running from stressors.

Thanks for your support and reassurance, that paradoxically inspired me to get through. My reviews and supervisor check-ins continue to be great and my personal life and wellbeing are back on track.