my manager shows up while I’m having chemotherapy to talk about work

by Alison Green on May 10, 2016

A reader writes:

I work at a small branch, which is part of a larger company. My office has a manager, an assistant manager, a receptionist, and nine other employees. I have been diagnosed with cancer. I am able to schedule my chemotherapy on my regular days off. Since my job has no physical labor and we don’t deal with the public at all and only deal with coworkers from other offices by phone or email, my cancer and treatments have not interfered with work and I’m still able to go in as normal. My coworkers know and have been understanding.

Each of us has a calendar where our days off (or in rare cases, meetings at other branches) are shown. The manager is supposed to have access to this, but our manager, Robert, is on the road most of the time and is rarely in our office. The receptionist, Osha, also has access so she can know who is in and who is out so she can direct calls appropriately. No one else is allowed to have access. The assistant manager, Ned, is not responsible for our schedules and is only responsible for dealing with employees who are in the office on a given day.

Recently while I was having chemotherapy, Ned showed up at the clinic and started asking me about work matters. I was completely surprised that he even knew where I was and that he was asking me about work on my off-time. The things he was asking about were not emergencies or work with deadlines. When I went back to work after my days off, Osha was waiting to speak with me and apologize. She was almost in tears because Ned had asked her about my schedule and whether I was on days off or at a meeting. She didn’t want to tell him at first because the calendars are supposed to be confidential, but he threatened to fire her if she didn’t tell him, and he also demanded the name of the clinic after she admitted that she knew what clinic I was getting my chemotherapy at.

I was really upset that Ned had threatened to fire Osha for following the rules and trying to keep the calendar confidential, and for coming to ask me about work stuff on my time off while I have having treatments. When Robert was actually in the office, I complained to him about Ned’s behavior and he assured me it would be dealt with. Well, him dealing with it was firing Osha for revealing confidential information that was on the calendar when she wasn’t supposed to. He gave Ned access to the calendars instead, so now Ned has access to my schedule and will come to the clinic when he has questions about work.

Robert says Ned isn’t doing anything wrong and when I complained to the company’s HR person about both Ned and Robert, I received the same answer. HR said that Robert was within his rights to terminate Osha since she breached confidentiality and she knew that doing so was a breach of our code of conduct. They said that if she had an issue, she should have spoken to the manager instead of taking it upon herself to release confidential information. HR also said that in regard to Ned coming to the clinic, “he is well within his rights” to seek my knowledge on workplace-related matters and “if the manager and assistant manager deem this necessary, it is up their discretion and not a matter where I can advise them to do otherwise.” I have since found out that the HR person is a family member of Robert’s.

I feel bad that Osha got fired and I don’t know where else to complain or what to do next because Robert, Ned, and the HR person are all against me on this.

Also, I have asked the clinic not to admit Ned, but sometimes he comes in anyway or waits until no one is looking before he comes in. There have been times when the nurses have asked him to leave or told him to get out of the room I am in. Sometimes he lies to them and says it is an emergency, and one volunteer told me Ned told the nurse on duty that he was family. I keep trying to tell him that he is disturbing me during my treatment but he either doesn’t listen or makes veiled references to me losing my job (which would also cause me to lose my benefits). His behavior is stressing me out even more than I already am.

What!

Your assistant manager is showing up while you’re having chemotherapy to ask you about work?

And your company has no problem with that?

And they fired the receptionist, rather than this tool?

Aggghhh.

I could name-call your managers for a while longer, but in the interest of giving you advice that doesn’t contain profanity, I talked to employment lawyer and always helpful Donna Ballman, author of the awesome Stand Up For Yourself Without Getting Fired. She says:

Wow! After 30 years of law practice I think I’ve heard it all and then something like this happens. Ned sounds like a real piece of work. I’d say there are a couple of avenues you might use on this, depending on the facts.

First of all, are you an exempt employee? And if they claim you are, is it possible you really aren’t? Because at the very least, they need to pay you for your time and any overtime for work you are doing on days off. If you’re hourly, put in those hours and tell them they owe you for that time. If you’re exempt (and I mean legally exempt, not bogus exempt), then you may be out of luck on that.

Second, do they show up to anyone’s house, shopping center or vacation on other non-disabled employees’ days off? If not, then I’d say you are being harassed due to your disability. I would suggest writing an email with the subject “Formal Complaint Of Disability-Based Harassment,” and detail how you are being singled out for this utter invasion of your privacy whereas other non-disabled employees are not similarly harassed on days off. Send with a delivery and read receipt to HR and ask them to investigate and take prompt action to investigate.

Finally, giving out your medical information is a violation of your medical privacy. The fact that Ned is given access to information about your medical treatments, timing and location is very likely a medical privacy violation, which is a separate violation of the ADA. You may also have a state or local law that protects the privacy of your medical information.

I’m not a health care lawyer, but you may also have potential claims against your physician’s office for violating your HIPAA and state medical privacy when they admit a person to your treatment without your consent.

I’d suggest talking to an employment lawyer in your state about your rights to see if there are state laws that might provide additional protection to you. But they should not be harassing you while you are receiving medical treatment for a disability, and the ADA should provide some protection to you.

I asked Donna whether if your employer does in fact have a track record of tracking other people down on their days off, is it correct to think that you then wouldn’t be able to allege disability-related harassment? (One has to think this isn’t their normal practice, but they sound awful enough that who knows.)

Donna said: “Probably not, if they do this to everyone. But then why the heck would anyone work there? I’m guessing they don’t. If they do it to everyone, then maybe it’s time to start talking about forming a union.”

Indeed.

Also, it’s time to have a stern conversation with your chemotherapy clinic because it’s their responsibility to keep Ned from sneaking in. Tell them that you’re having an ongoing struggle to keep him out, that he may lie and say that he’s family, and that you need them to ensure that he can’t get in and disrupt your treatment. Invoke HIPAA, which gives you legal protection here.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

* I make a commission if you use that Amazon link.

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manager is on maternity leave and I’m overwhelmed, a company told me they’d call the police if I contact them again, and more

by Alison Green on May 10, 2016

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My manager is on maternity leave and I’m overwhelmed

My boss just went on maternity leave and I took over her duties in addition to my own. I’m excited for the opportunities this will present me when she gets back (promotion, raise, etc.), but I’m extremely overwhelmed for right now. Not only has my work load doubled, but people are treating me like I’m in a leadership position (I’m entry level). In our department, EVERYTHING is a priority and there is currently zero way for me to prioritize my work because of it. I have some mental disabilities that impede my ability to take on what I’m expected to do (HR is aware), but I’m not sure what to do or say that will help me handle this without hindering the flow of work in our department (unfortunately, hiring someone else, even temporarily, is not an option). If I continue like I have been (working 10-12 hour days just so I can get all the “priority” work done), I know I will end up in a hospital due to fatigue and general stress-related things.

Before my boss left, she suggested to tell people that we are down one person and that our priorities are outline in her maternity leave plan, but that isn’t working so far because people are ignoring that plan and keep coming up to me with their priorities. I’m not sure what to do or say to people to make them, to word it not so kindly, back off a little bit. Do you have any suggestions on how I can handle the next three months?

Well, at a minimum, it sounds like you need to be firmer with people: “With Jane out, we’re not able to get to everything we would normally. She left clear instructions that I should be focusing on X and Y, and not Z. So I can’t take this on right now, but we can discuss it when she’s back.” And if they push: “I really can’t — Jane left very clear instructions about where I should be focusing, and since we’re down to one person until she’s back, I need to stick to that list.” (Obviously, use some judgment here; something important could come up that her list didn’t foresee, and you don’t want to be totally rigid.)

Also, talk to whoever is managing you in your boss’s absence — or, if no one is, talk to her manager. Explain that your boss left you clear priorities, but that you’re getting heavy pushback from people who want you to do more than you reasonably can with a department of one, and ask for help handling it.

And stop working 10-12 hours days unless that’s the normal M.O. for your job even when your boss is there (I’m guessing that it’s not). It doesn’t sound like she intended for you to do that, and either way, you shouldn’t need to make yourself sick to meet unrealistic expectations. Figure out what you can do, let people know, and get help from above in sticking to those boundaries.

2. A company told me they’d call the authorities if I contact them again — should I show up in person to talk face-to-face?

I applied for the job of my dreams, no, the job of my life — the best job you can ever have in your wildest dreams! Long story short, I got rejected from the job . I was overly eager and contacted the lady who was the hiring manager. Anyway, I was looking at Craigslist and saw they have a few more openings. So I want to talk to the HR manger and address the situation and own up to my mistakes and make things better and right.

I need to do this for myself. I must just take charge and volunteer myself to do something uncomfortable and step outside my comfort zone. What do I do and say? As a side note, the HR manager told me I am no longer allowed to email the lady I was emailing, and if I do, they will take immediate action and may call the proper authorities.

I just do not know what to say. Is it best I just go in to his office and talk face to face or do I call or email if so what do I say and do?

Noooooo, do not do not do not go there in-person. Do not show up, do not call, and do not email. You can’t apply there again at all — they told you that you’re not allowed to email their employee and threatened to take legal action if you do. That is not a company interested in hiring you for anything ever — that is a company that thinks that you’ve crossed a line to the point that they feel threatened. They aren’t going to hire you, and they’re going to be concerned and possibly even frightened if you contact them again. That’s not something companies say lightly; they said it because something happened that made them want zero contact with you in the future. You can’t even think of contacting them again, in any form; you have to move on.

The best thing that you can do is learn from the experience and realize that no matter how interested you are in a job, you can only contact them once, maybe twice, without a positive response in return, and that if you press further than that, you’ll torpedo your chances. Take that lesson and apply it other companies that interest you — but you’ve got to leave this one alone.

3. Did I answer this interview question badly?

I had a panel interview recently, and a question came up that I am not quite sure how I should have answered. The main interviewer asked me, “What would you do if you were asked to do something, but you didn’t know how to do it?” I said I would ask a team member. The interviewer then said, “If your team member did not have the answer, who would you go to next?” I responded by saying the team leader or a higher authority. But the interviewer kept asking their question over and over again. After going up the chain of command in my answers, I finally responded, “If nobody had the answer, as a last resort I would Google it.” The interviewer told me, “That’s not a very good thing to say.”

What is the best way to respond to this type of question, and did I really answer it poorly?

I don’t see any problem with the way you handled it. (In fact, depending on the job and the context, it might have even made sense to say you’d do your own research earlier on in the process.)

You were dealing with a weird interviewer; don’t let their weirdness throw you off with other interviews.

Also, I wonder what answer they were looking for. Prayer? Magic? Random guessing?

4. Having lunch with a former boss

I am an assistant/secretary. I used to work for Steve. Steve left our firm, but I kept my job — I just became Jack’s assistant. Steve has taken me out to lunch to “catch up.” It’s not really networking, because we work on two vastly different levels, but it doesn’t feel quite social because he has expressed interest in hiring me away from my current firm when/if a position becomes available. He pays for lunch.

Is just thanking him enough? Should I send a follow-up email with an additional thank-you? If we were on the same level, I’d just return the favor and take him out to lunch sometime, but I just don’t feel like that’s the right call in this situation.

Thanking him in-person at the end of lunch is perfectly fine. It would be extra gracious if you sent him an email later, telling him that it was great to see him and catch up — but it doesn’t need to be another thank-you for lunch, specifically.

And I don’t think you need to return the favor and invite him to lunch in the future, unless you particularly want to; it sounds like this lunch was at least somewhat a cultivation lunch on his side, where he at a minimum wants to keep the relationship warm because he thinks he may want to hire you in the future. And even if that weren’t the case, the power dynamics in the relationship mean that it’s okay for you to just let him treat you to lunch without having to return the favor. In fact, if you do invite him to lunch in the future, he’s likely to pay anyway, even if you try to cover the check — just because that how’s it usually works with managers, even former ones.

5. Interviewer asked me if each of my freelance projects was as a 1099 or W2

I am currently freelancing while I look for my next position. During a recent interview for a VP position, I was asked how I was paid for each of my freelance projects. The HR director asked me if I received a 1099 or W2 for each freelance project. Why would an HR director ask this question?

It sounds like she was just trying to determine if you were a freelancer or an employee. It’s possible that she cared because if you were an employee, it could imply the work was larger in scope. Or she might just be a rigid interviewer who thinks that she needs to gather full information for every single thing on your resume.

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when you’re sick, can you have someone else call your office on your behalf?

by Alison Green on May 9, 2016

A reader writes:

My adult daughter became very sick with vomiting, diarrhea, and lower back and serious abdominal pain. I called an off-duty medical friend and was given instructions of what to do. The next morning, I awakened my daughter to give her another dosage of pain reliever. She was hoping she would be able to report to work at the beginning of her shift; however, a couple of hours prior to that time, she began feeling the same as as the night before.

I offered to call her boss. She and I both understand that, if possible, it is her responsibility to report an absence. However, is my calling not acceptable in this circumstance?

Eh, I tend to think your daughter should call in that case (or email, if that’s a thing that’s acceptable in her office for alerting people that she’ll be out sick).

Basically, if she’s able to talk to you and isn’t in the hospital, she should probably call herself. If she’s too sick to speak or is actually hospitalized, then yes, it’s totally okay for someone else to call.

To some extent, the expectation that people call for themselves unless they truly can’t is more about established convention than about logic. If we take convention out of it — which we can’t, but if we did — there’s not much reason not to let someone else do this. I suppose that in some cases, her boss might want to ask her a logistical question or two that you wouldn’t be able to answer (“where the location of the X file so I can fill in for you with the client today?” or whatever), but I think it’s more about us having decided as a society that this is a thing that you handle yourself unless you truly can’t.

That’s especially so when it’s a parent (versus, say, a spouse); there’s too much risk of having a parent call in coming across as infantilizing. I don’t get the sense that that’s how you intended it, but optics matters with this stuff. If your daughter told you not to call on her behalf (which I think might be the case, although it’s not totally clear from the letter), I’m sure that’s what she was thinking of — that as a professional adult, she should handle this stuff on her own. And that’s a good instinct to encourage in her!

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are the new overtime rules about to boost your paycheck?

by Alison Green on May 9, 2016

Note: The new law discussed in this post was blocked the day before it was set to go into effect.

A new regulation that’s widely expected to become law later this year might result in you receiving more money in your paycheck.

The move stems from a change to the nation’s overtime laws. To understand it, you need to know that the federal government divides all workers into one of two categories: exempt workers, who are not required to receive overtime pay, and non-exempt workers, who must receive overtime pay. (Overtime pay is one and a half times your normal hourly rate for all hours you work beyond 40 in any given week.) The exempt category is reserved for employees who perform relatively high-level executive or professional work, outside sales employees, and a few other narrowly defined categories. You also must earn at least $23,600 a year to be considered exempt.

If you’re thinking that $23,600 doesn’t sound like a high enough salary to be exempt from earning overtime, you just spotted what the change is designed to address.

That salary threshold was last set in 2004, so over a decade has passed and it hasn’t increased with inflation. As a result, an increasing number of workers with relatively low salaries are working long hours for no extra pay. Labor advocates argue that the overtime exemption was intended for relatively highly-paid, skilled professionals, and that it was never intended to cover, say, a restaurant manager working long hours and earning $30,000 a year in today’s money.

The Department of Labor has proposed raising that threshold to $50,440, more than double the current level. That means that if you earn less than $50,440, your employer would need to pay you overtime when you work more than 40 hours in a week – no exceptions.

In practice, employers are likely to respond to that in a few different ways. If you currently earn less than $50,440, your employer might decide to do one of the following:

  • Your employer may raise your salary to the new threshold of $50,440 in order to keep you exempt. This may be the most cost-effective option if you work significant amounts of overtime.
  • Your employer may require you to start tracking your hours and limit you from working overtime (in order to avoid new costs of paying for that overtime).
  • If you regularly work more than 40 hours a week, your employer might choose to reduce your base hourly wage to account for the overtime pay you’ll need to receive, in order to ensure that your overall annual compensation stays about where it is now.

Additionally, the change may impact more than your hours and your pay. If you’re used to having flexibility in your schedule and not having to carefully log your hours, you might need to adjust to life without those benefits:

  • If you become non-exempt under the new regulations, you and your employer will be required to track your work time – even including things like quickly logging into your email from home.
  • If you currently flex your schedule to follow the ebbs and flow of your work and your commitments outside of work, it will get harder to do that. For example, let’s say that currently your employer lets you work 50 hours this week, 35 hours next week, and 40 hours the following week, trusting you to simply get the job done without scrutinizing your hours. If the new rule makes you non-exempt, your employer may be less willing to let you do that – since they’ll be required by law to track all those hours and pay you overtime for any hours over 40 in a given week, even if you work less than 40 the next week.
  • Earlier this month, George Mason University’s Mercatus Center published a report predicting that “employers may require telecommuters to start physically showing up for work so that they can track and monitor the number of hours these employees work.”

Currently, businesses are still waiting to see exactly what the final rule will say and when it will go into effect. The Department of Labor is expected to issue a final rule any day now, and it’s likely to have an effective date around Labor Day.

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I haven’t made friends at my new job

by Alison Green on May 9, 2016

A reader writes:

I started a new position at a wonderful organization four months ago. Previously, I was in a nonprofit position with unrealistic expectations, long and stressful days, and low employee morale. But in the 1.5 years I was there, I developed true workplace friendships that I still cherish today.

My new organization is the happiest place on earth. They treat the employees well, health and wellness is encouraged, and retirement is great. I love my job. The only issue: I don’t fit in.

There are true friendships all around me. People go to lunch, hang out outside of work, go on bike rides, and are social with each other’s families. In large group meetings, we all get along, but then I feel like I get left behind when the meeting ends. I want to stay here for the long haul, but I can’t imagine not having a work buddy/buddies to lean on. Should I just be patient? I’m an extroverted introvert, so I tend to be happy in social situations but fear initiating them. I also don’t want to seem like I’m intruding or encroaching on others.

Recently, I had a family emergency, and I was upset not only because of the family situation, but because I had no where to go and no one to talk to. In my old office, I would have walked across the hall to a number of coworkers to seek help. What can I do now?

Yes, be patient! Four months isn’t very long; you’re comparing your relationships to those of people who have worked together much longer. It’s likely that your bonds with at least some people will deepen with time.

Also, initiate! It’s very normal to ask a coworker to get a coffee or grab lunch with you or even to say “I’d love to tag along the next time you go to that pizza place down the street.” When you’re someone who doesn’t like to initiate, it can feel scary and presumptuous to do it … but consider that by not doing it, you’re putting all of that burden on to your coworkers, which isn’t fair either. It’s true, of course, that it can feel harder when you’re the new person — but you also have a lot more incentive, because you’re craving more connection. If you’re uncertain about how to say it, bridge the gap by making it semi-work-related, like by saying “I’d love to learn more about the work you do. Would you be interested in getting coffee one day this week and talking more?”

And initiating doesn’t just have to be about making plans; it can also be about initiating conversation. Ask about people’s weekends, comment on photos they have on their desks, pick up on any mentions of common interests. And ask for advice, too — most people love to be asked for advice (whether it’s something work-related or about whether they know a good nearby dry cleaner) and those types of conversations will usually engender good feelings.

Also, figure out if there’s a connector type in your office — the social director sort who’s friendly with everyone and seems to be at the center of the hub for making plans — and make her one of the first few people on your coffee list. If you mention to that person that you’re eager to get to know people better, you might find that she’ll take you under her wing and help you do it.

Last, remember have a job that you love with an organization that treats people well. That’s huge. I don’t want to discount the importance of having work friends; there are loads of studies that show that having at least one friend at work makes people happier and more productive. It matters. But for now, can it be enough to enjoy working in such a happy place, focus on being a good coworker, and let yourself trust that the relationships will come in time? (I don’t want to sound too much like the smug people who tell unhappily single people “it will happen someday when you’re least expecting it” — but I do think that in a social office full of what sound like nice people, if you show an interest in people and make a few overtures, you will indeed get to know people, and a year from now your bigger problem will be that they keep bugging you for bike rides.)

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Igloo: an intranet you’ll actually like

by Alison Green on May 9, 2016

And now a break to talk about a sponsor…

If your company intranet is little more than the place where documents go to die, you should check out Igloo.

Igloo is a totally different experience than the traditional intranet. It’s interactive, really easy to use, and highly customizable. You can use it to have a super simple intranet if that’s your thing, or you can have something quite complex; it’s impressively adaptable.

Igloo will pull together team calendars, project information, working documents, wikis (which you might use for SOPs, manuals, etc.), task management, document collaboration, and real-time updates from all your teams. You can also use it for secure file-sharing (like a secure version of Dropbox). And it even has a Twitter-like internal micro-blogging system, if you want to give people the chance to share quick thoughts across the company. And in particular, if you’re in HR or have the ear of HR, a modern intranet like Igloo can help centralize a hub of self-service information, corporate communications, and employee forums. It also looks good and works well on mobile phones, so you can actually use it when you’re on the road.

Plus, you can set it up and edit it with incredible ease. You won’t need to send every change through your I.T. department; even if you’re not very tech-savvy, you’ll probably be able to configure it yourself.

After I wrote about Igloo previously, I received an email from a reader who wrote that her company had been on the verge of signing a contract for intranet services with Sharepoint, which was going to be pricey. She suggested Igloo to the team that was working on the project, and they ended up “thrilled with the product.” Here’s the update she sent me afterwards: “I work closely with those folks (doing the implementation), and they are very happy with our decision to use Igloo. I can also vouch for the fact that our ‘all in’ cost saved us a good bit of money over Sharepoint. Also — I’m going to step on out on a limb and say that future support calls to Igloo, if needed, will be much less frustrating than they would be calling Sharepoint … Our company is quite small (40 or so employees) and the Igloo support team has, I’m told, bent over backwards to assist in our implementation.”

Speaking of price, it’s really affordable: It’s $12 per user per month, which is about a quarter of what you’d pay for Sharepoint. And it’s free if you have fewer than 10 users. You can learn more here.

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Igloo. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

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I don’t want to reveal my age at my job, telling an employee to mind his own business, and more

by Alison Green on May 9, 2016

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Telling an employee to mind his own business

I have an employee who has great rapport with coworkers. Unfortunately, he makes everyone else’s business his business. He takes it upon himself to be the advocate or “cheerleader” for staff and their individual work-related issues that do not involve him. He takes on these issues, taking time away during the day, rehashing or discussing the issue with others (stirring the pot). This affects his productivity and others around him. How can I tell him to stop stirring the pot and getting involved in issues that do not concern him?

Start by being direct in the individual instances where you see it happening. For example: “I’m handling this directly with Jane. As I understand it, this doesn’t impact you, but am I misunderstanding your interest?” He’ll presumably say that he’s just concerned about Jane and you can say, “I appreciate your concern, but I need you to stay focused on your work and let your coworkers handle their own work issues with the people who are directly involved.”

If you do that a couple of times and it keeps happening, then address the big picture: “We’ve spoken about this in the past, but I’m continuing to see you taking time away from your projects to talk to coworkers about issues that you’re not involved in, like Jane’s software request and Apollo’s workload. I appreciate that you’re coming from a place of wanting to help, but it’s impacting your productivity and distracting others. I need you to stay focused on your work and let your coworkers handle their own work issues. Can you do that going forward?”

2. Can I start a new job without revealing my age?

Years ago, I worked with a woman (an attorney) who said she was hired without revealing her date of birth, and I’d like to know how to do the same. I never thought it would happen to me, but age is now an employment issue with me. I am 50 but look 15 years younger because I had a facelift and have always taken care of myself. I work in digital marketing (young person’s field) and have tons of experience and interview well. However, in my last two positions, when it came time to provide my date of birth and driver’s license, I saw the shock on their faces and felt an immediate change in attitude. My current boss is 38 years old and I am 11 years older than everyone else. Although I’m doing a great job and get along with everyone, when coworkers find out how old I am (which can only have come from management or HR), I’m suddenly treated differently and things get a little awkward. I plan on moving on from this job in a year. I don’t want to lie about my age – I just don’t want to reveal my date of birth. Is there a way to provide the necessary hiring documents without giving my actual date of birth?

Nope. The I-9 form that you fill out on your first day (showing your eligibility to work in the U.S.) requires your date of birth, and you’re required to present official identification along with it, which will also contain your date of birth. It’ll also probably be required on other new hire paperwork, such as health insurance forms.

The best thing you can do is to look for a job with coworkers who aren’t weird about age (a place with lots of other people over the age of 40 is a good place to start).

3. My friend wants to be introduced to my Linkedin contact, who’s already doing me a favor

What is a good way to handle requests from a friend or acquaintance to be introduced to people in my network if I don’t want to make the introduction?

A dear friend (Susan) asked me to connect her to someone I don’t know well on Linkedin, as she is trying to find a job in his company. “Carl” is quite senior in his field and could possibly be helpful to Susan, who is currently unemployed.

Unfortunately, another friend of mine (who Susan doesn’t know) introduced me to Carl so he could help with my own job search. I spoke to Carl once on the phone for a few minutes about a month ago, then sent him my resume, and I’m still waiting for his feedback. I then followed up about 10 days ago, and he said he would get back to me. Also, I believe based on our conversation the reason Carl was open to talking to me is that the friend who connected us is married to his best friend.

I’m concerned about jeopardizing my own budding networking with Carl if I send Susan his way. Yet I feel bad because Susan is unemployed, while I am not. Technically she needs the connection more. Also, who knows if I may need Susan’s later in the future? Is it selfish or short-sighted to not introduce Susan to Carl? How does one determine when and how to share distant contacts?

You don’t really know Carl and you’re currently in the middle of waiting for him to do you one favor. It’s entirely reasonable to feel like it wouldn’t be appropriate to ask him to do another favor while you’re still hoping he’ll get back to you about the first one.

I’d just say to Susan, “I actually don’t know Carl — someone else connected me to him and I’ve already asked him for some feedback on my resume and am still waiting to hear from him about it, so I don’t think I can ask him anything else right now.”

4. My interviewer was arrested and fired the day after my interview

I recently applied for a director position. About a day after I submitted my resume, I had a phone interview with the hiring manager. That went well, or at least it seemed to go well, in that in another day or two I got an email asking me to come in for a full interview. I scheduled that, and that was a four-hour interview process with five different people — an assistant who would be reporting to me; an executive director to whom I would be reporting (this was the hiring manager I had the phone interview with); the AVP to whom the hiring manger reports; another director from a different department; and finally the VP who oversees the whole division.

It was somewhat exhausting, but I still came out of it feeling good about my chances. The interview had gone til after 5:30, so I waited until the next morning and sent out thank-you -mails to each of my interviewers since they had all given me their cards. I then waited the two weeks to follow up again; this time the email to the hiring manager bounced back saying he doesn’t work there anymore. I got curious so I googled his name and found out he had been arrested and it was pretty significant, not front page stuff but a full page of links on Google, including press releases from the company firing him. Ironically, the arrest had happened the morning after my interview, like around the time I was sending my thank-you’s!

I could only imagine the turmoil that is going on in the department with two positions now open and a bit of a scandal on top of that. But the position still needs to be filled and I think I’m right for it. Do I follow up with someone else? Do I follow up at all?

I’d email the AVP who he reported to and say something like, “Hi Jane, I really enjoyed talking with you about the X position a few weeks ago. I just tried to check in with Fergus about the status of the hiring process and my email bounced back with a note that he no longer works with you. I’m sure you’ve got your hands full with the additional vacancy, but at whatever point you’re ready to move forward on the X role, I’d love to keep talking.”

After that, though, I’d move on. There’s no telling when they might be ready to return to hiring for the job you interviewed for, and once they hire a replacement for the guy who was fired, that person might prefer to start the process from scratch. Or they could reorganize the department, or move people around with someone moving into the role you interviewed for, or all sorts of other things. So one “I’m still here” email and then assume the ball is in their court and move on with other job possibilities.

5. Are part-time employees being treated better than us?

We work in a small department in Tennessee. All four of us are full-time employees, and two are going to either four or three days a week. The two going part-time will still be given full benefits and don’t have to use vacation time, while the two of us left who work 40 hours still do need to use vacation time if we miss a day. Is this legal?

Yes. Their salaries have almost certainly been cut to reflect that they’re no longer working full-time hours, and it makes sense that they don’t need to use vacation time for days that are no longer part of their work schedules.

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some things about my dad

by Alison Green on May 8, 2016

I originally published this in October 2011. Today is 15 years since my dad died. 15 years! It feels like about three.

AlisonDadThis is me and my dad, Steve Green.

He would have turned 71 today, except that he won’t because he died in 2001.

Here are some things about my dad:

* He worked as a journalist for 40 years, covering Congress and national security, among other things. After he died, Senator Barbara Boxer gave a really nice tribute to him on the Senate floor. This is part of what she said: “I got to know Steve as he kept a watchful eye on Congress for the Copley News Service and the San Diego Union-Tribune. He had a quick wit, a keen intellect and a great nose for a story. Above all, he was scrupulously fair in his reporting. And he believed that as a journalist it was his role in life to help this country realize its tremendous potential … With a wink, Steve could puncture the biggest ego. He had the uncanny ability to be skeptical without being cynical. He cared for the people he covered without coddling them. He followed serious issues without losing his sense of humor.”

* Despite this noble portrait, he also gave people the finger at inappropriate times.

* And he once hit his Hebrew school teacher when she attempted to stop him from leaving a school picnic. And remained proud of it as an adult. Indignant, even.

* He never gave up trying to get me to read Treasure Island and David Copperfield.

* He once tried to get out of a dinner invitation with a Very Important Person a month in advance by telling the person that he had to walk his dog that night. He didn’t see why I thought this was a bad excuse.

* He was working at the Washington Post during the Watergate break-in, and his editor called him to cover the story. But he was out playing basketball, so the editor called Carl Bernstein instead. True story.

* He loved family gossip. Even at his sickest from cancer, he’d call me up and ask, “Do you have any good gossip?” He reveled in a good scandal. Here is something that one of his former editors, Barbara Cochran, said about him in his obituary:  “When he had a good story going, he would get this grin on his face — when he felt he had the goods.” This is the same grin he would get when he got ahold of some family gossip.

* In the last year before he died, he couldn’t eat much — literally couldn’t, because his esophagus had been removed and replaced with a shoddy replica that didn’t tolerate food well; he could only have liquids, and even soup was often too solid for him. Yet occasionally he would pull a chocolate bar of mysterious origins from his bathrobe pocket and eat it without any problems — I assume due to sheer force of will.

* He hated that I worked for nonprofits and thought I wouldn’t make enough money. He desperately wanted me to change career paths, but when anyone asked him about it, he’d bite his tongue and say, “We raised Alison to stand up for what she believes in.” Then he would secretly send me job ads he’d clipped from the paper and suggest that I go work in PR.

My dad died when I was 27, so he didn’t get to see me publish a book or buy a house or write this blog or do any of the other things I’m doing now. He would have really liked it.

Sometimes I’ll see a man who sort of looks like him from the back — always in grocery stores, for some reason — and I’ll let myself pretend it’s him for a minute. But it never is.

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weekend free-for-all – May 7-8, 2016

by Alison Green on May 7, 2016

Olive and EveThis comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. (This one is truly no work and no school. If you have a work question, you can email it to me or post it in the work-related open thread on Fridays.)

Book recommendation of the week: The Japanese Lover, by Isabel Allende. A love story between a Polish girl sent to San Francisco to escape the Holocaust and the son of a Japanese gardener who’s sent to an internment camp after Pearl Harbor. Displacement, love, aging, gardening, mysterious letters… It’s gotten mixed reviews, but I’m loving it.

* I make a commission if you use that Amazon link.

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did I mess up my job search by starting it too early, including stack ranking on a resume, and more

by Alison Green on May 7, 2016

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Did I mess up my job search by starting it too early?

I’m worried that I’ve messed up my chances of working for a specific company by starting my job search too early. A little background: I’m in a graduate program that tends to have high employability and am due to graduate in August. I would really like to have a position lined up by graduation.

I started inquiring at a company that I really like that has several locations that they are hiring at in my area. I got an interview and some interest from them, but the position that they are currently interviewing me for would be an hour commute, which is more than I’d like to drive twice a day. They have locations that are closer to me that I’d be more interested in, but those locations have not contacted me as of yet (and I’m afraid that the recruiter I’m currently talking with at the far away location has told the other locations that I’m already interviewing with the far away location).

I don’t know how to fix this. I’d really like to work for the company, but I really don’t want such a long commute. They want me to let them know my level of interest before they give me an offer, but are pushing for a decision in the next couple of days.

I’m panicking. I feel like it’s too soon for me to make a decision, I’ve barely begun my search, and things are just happening so fast! Can I try to buy more time? Should I just say no to the far away job and give up on the company? I don’t know what to do. Clearly, I don’t have much experience in the job search. I wanted to feel empowered by starting early, but instead I just feel pressured and guilty.

If you’re sure you don’t want that commute, I’d be straightforward about it. You could say something like, “I’d really love to work for Teapots Inc. but this particular location would be a longer commute than I feel comfortable committing to in the long-term. Would you be open to considering me for a position at your X or Y locations instead? Or even just leaving the door open to that down the road if the timing isn’t right now?”

I imagine that you’re a little freaked out about turning down this job and then not getting any other offers by August, or at least not any others that you want. But you’re in a field with high employability and you got an offer soon after you started looking, so it’s unlikely that you’ll end up in that boat. I mean, it’s possible, so you want to weigh that in your thinking, but it doesn’t sound likely, from what you’ve said here. Regardless, the language above is a very reasonable thing to say and won’t the burn the bridge with them or anything like that. People will understand not wanting an hour-long commute.

2. College student being flown in for an interview

I am a college student who will be graduating this month. I attend school in Pennsylvania and have been communicating with a company based in Arizona. To keep it short, the company is going to fly me down to view their corporate headquarters, after expressing interest in me joining their team. I will be flying down on a Tuesday and coming back late Thursday. This is my first time flying, and was wondering if it would be appropriate to ask if they could try for a non-stop flight? Also due to the distance and major move if I accept, would it be appropriate to see if I could fly out on Friday, rather than Thursday, to get a feel for the place and look for an apartment? I would pay for the extra night in the hotel.

Would it also be appropriate to ask if the meetings and interviews already include discussing housing possibilities?

You absolutely can ask them to push the return flight back a day and say that you’d like to use the extra day to get a better feel for the area. That’s a very normal thing to do, and they won’t think it’s odd. (But I wouldn’t say “to look for an apartment,” since that will seem like jumping the gun since you don’t have an offer yet.)

I wouldn’t ask if the interview will include housing discussion. If it will, they’ll bring up, and if it won’t, that’s because they figure it’s premature when they haven’t decided to make you an offer yet. (And it might not be something they involve themselves in at all, even once an offer is made. While some employers do offer suggestions to people who are moving to the area, it’s pretty common for them not to.)

Because they’re paying for the flight, I wouldn’t request a non-stop flight. They may get you one anyway since they know people prefer them, but if they weren’t planning to, it would likely be because of cost (non-stops often cost more), and you don’t want to ask them to spend more when they’re already covering your travel and hotel. Good luck!

3. Should I include my stack ranking on my resume?

I work for a company that stack rates its employees during performance reviews. Is it weird to include my stack ranked information in my resume? Does it matter if it’s a decent rating (performance rating was in the top quartile) or a very, very good rating (performance rating in the top 5%)? How do you phrase this?

I’m torn between thinking this just context-less info and thinking this is a helpful way to show potential employers I’m a high-performer. What do you think?

I wouldn’t include top 25%, but I’d include top 5%. I’d word it this way: “performance ranked in top 5% of company.” And if it’s a large company, I’d give that context — ““performance ranked in top 5% of 7,000-person company.”

4. Resigning when my company is likely to tell me to leave right away

I am planning to leave my company soon to move closer to family in another state. At my current company, i am the only person trained in certain duties, so I would like to give as much notice as possible. However, this company has a history of firing employees as soon as they give notice, and I don’t want to risk losing any pay. Any suggestions on how to handle this?

If they routinely walk people out the door as soon as they give notice, they’ve forfeited the right to real notice. Assume they’ll tell you to leave as soon as you resign, and time your notice accordingly.

That sucks for them that you’re the only person trained in certain responsibilities, but that’s one of many reasons why companies shouldn’t punish people who give a professional amount of notice. You shouldn’t have to risk several weeks of income; this is their problem to handle.

Of course, all of this assumes that when they have resigning employees leave immediately, they’re not paying them for their remaining notice period (which is something many companies do). Make sure that’s the case, since if they are paying people for that time, this is all moot.

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