Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I let my boyfriend stay in my hotel room during my first business trip at my new job?

I have recently starting a traveling job as an interviewer with a team. It is the first time I have a traveling position, and it requires weekly travel and hotel stays to different locations.

We will be staying about two hours from my boyfriend’s home next week (we are in a long distance relationship). Seeing as I just completed training and this will be my first assignment with a group of new coworkers I have not met yet, I am hesitant to have my boyfriend come and stay with me at the hotel, as I am afraid this might be seen as inappropriate or unprofessional or, at the worst, I could get fired. At the same time, I feel like time after work is personal and private.

Since he is two hours away and due to a situation with his car, he prefers to take a bus/shared ride and stay most of the week in my hotel room, waiting for me to come home every day and then returning by bus at the end of the week. I would have no problem with him coming in his car for dinner or to spend several hours in the evening or even spending a night here and there if I felt like we could do it discreetly, but I am concerned that him staying the entire week in my hotel room, even if we were quiet, could be seen as inappropriate or unprofessional. What’s your take? To clarify how the room is being paid for, our company reserves our rooms in their name, has us call and change the reservation to our own name, pay for the room ourselves and leave our own credit card with the hotel for any extra charges. We may choose to receive travel advances or else be reimbursed at the end of the week.

Don’t do it. This is your first trip for this job, and so it’s going to come across differently than if you’d been working there for a while and had already established a solid reputation. Because you’re new, this will be one of the only things people know about you, and you don’t want to be the person who had her boyfriend stay in her hotel room for a whole week when people barely know you yet.

If I had a new employee do this in this context, I’d be worried about professional maturity and judgment. But six months from now, when you’ve established yourself as professional and good at what you do? I wouldn’t care.

Also, you don’t know what might be planned for the evenings — there could be group dinners or other activities, and it’s going to be awkward if you have your boyfriend waiting for you in your room.

2. Is it a jerk move to use a bunch of my vacation time right before resigning?

So, I’m in a bit of a pickle. I like my job, but it has become clear that the potential for growth that was presented to me at my interview was not an accurate forecast. I’ve also recently found out that my boss has been actively isolating me from communicating with other higher ups (the word “territorial” regarding me and my projects came up), preventing my proposals from being moved forward, and more frustrating, toxic behaviors. All in all, it seems like a good step to move on.

My company, however, doesn’t pay out for vacation–when you leave, you just lose that time, which to me, seems like part of the value (and part of the argument for salary being a little lower). I don’t tend to take a lot of days off and have barely used my PTO, even during a medical crisis. Is it unethical to take a chunk of my spare vacation days and then come back to put in my notice afterward? I don’t think it’s the “nicest” thing to do, but between my frustration at my boss and the situation and my desire to move on and get the full value of this job, it doesn’t seem totally unreasonable. Is this a jerk move?

I don’t think it’s a jerk move at all. That vacation time is part of your compensation package, and you’re entitled to use it. But even aside from that principle, it’s not a jerk move. People can’t always control the timing of their resignations — people get job offers at inopportune times, or they have a family health crisis, or all sort of other things. (Hell, it’s even possible that being away from work gave you time to step back and reflect on what next move is right for you.)

3. My employee won’t wait until work hours to answer emails

I have a remote employee who was assigned to my brand-new two-person department from another area of the business. She generally goes home at 4, and I always work until 5, and frequently much later. Several times a week, I’ll realize that I need to ask her something after she’s left for the day, and I’ll send her a quick email while I’m thinking about it for her to find in the morning when she gets back into the office. The difficulty is that, as part of her past role, she’s become accustomed to checking her email in her off-hours, and frequently reviews projects, answers questions, etc. off the clock.

I’ve told her that I don’t ever expect her to respond to email after hours, that I’d prefer she enjoy her evening, and responding the next day is preferable, to which she has laughingly responded that she’s used to it and likes to stay ahead of her work and see what’s coming up the next day. It’s a great problem to have, as far as problems go, but she is hourly, and I’m concerned about the legality of her spending chunks of time (small chunks of time, but still…) reviewing email and projects off the clock. I also don’t want to trample on her off-hours — she’s got a life, and I want her to have that life without feeling like she has to constantly be checking her email.

Can you recommend some wording for how I can let her know that I’d really rather she leave work for work hours, or should I leave her enthusiasm intact and manage it on my end by scheduling my emails to go through the next morning instead of whenever I send them initially?

It sounds like the issue is that you’ve presented this as a suggestion, when you really want it to be a requirement. At least I’m assuming that you do — because she’s hourly, you need to require her to track all the time that she spends doing anything work-related from home, and you need to pay her for it, including overtime pay if that puts her over 40 hours in a week.

So I’d say this: “Jane, I realized that I wasn’t clear when we talked earlier about you answering emails after your normal work hours. We’re required by law to log any time you spend on work, even checking email from home, and we need to pay you for it. I haven’t budgeted to pay you additional time, so I do in fact need you to stop checking emails outside of work. I really appreciate that you want to stay on top of your work, but this is a legal issue — I can’t let you do it.”

And then if she continues to do it after that, you have to have a pretty serious conversation with her about it, because she’s exposing your company to legal liability if you don’t pay her and costing you money that you haven’t authorized if you do pay her.

And just for the sake of a complete answer — if she were exempt rather than hourly, I’d tell you to leave this to her own judgment. Some people actually find it less stressful to deal with some work emails at night (I’m one of them) and as long as you were very clear that it was in no way expected, I’d leave that call up to her. But because she’s non-exempt, you really do need to make it a clear requirement that she not do it (unless you’re willing to pay her extra for it).

4. Do I have any chance of being rehired at the job I walked out on?

I walked out of a job and didn’t give any notice. I didn’t cause a scene or insult anyone. I simply had a lot of things going on in my personal life, burned out, and reacted in a way that I shouldn’t have by walking out of a good job. I just took all of my belongings, got up, walked to my car, then drove home. I never contacted them in any way, shape, or form, and I never responded to any of their correspondences.

Do I have any chance of being rehired?

It’s pretty unlikely. People burn out, and that’s not something a reasonable employer would hold against you. It’s the leaving with no notice at all and then refusing to respond when they tried to contact you. They were probably really worried, and mystified, and frustrated. It’s going to be tough to come up with an explanation that will get them past the “but why didn’t you at least let us know you were okay?” piece of this, and even if you tell them something that somewhat puts that to rest, they’re going to be concerned about the same thing happening again in the future.

5. Offering to be a resource to job candidates who I reject

I work for a small start-up, and we are currently doing a round of hiring. Through the hiring process, I’ve interviewed some really great people who, while not a perfect fit for the job, seem like they could be great employees at other companies in my field. Many of these candidates are looking to make a career change similar to the one that I made a few years ago when I started in my current role.

When I send rejection letters to people who I do think would do well in this career change, is there a way to genuinely offer to be a resource? I know from my own experience as a former teapot maker that trying to make that career change can be intimidating, and I feel very lucky to have found my current position. I’d be more than happy to answer any questions that former applicants might have about companies to look at, roles to consider, transferable skills to highlight etc. I am, however, struggling a bit to find the words to express this genuinely without coming across as condescending. Thoughts?

Absolutely. I’d say it this way: “I made a similar career change myself a few years ago (moving from X to Y) and I’d be happy to share my experience with you and talk with you about what I learned in the process, if that’s something that you’d find helpful. If that interests you, just let me know and we can set up a time to talk.”

By the way, people will take you up on this. Job seekers tend to be hungry for that kind of help from people in the field they want to work in. So you might want to offer it somewhat sparingly (for example, only to the candidates you think best positioned to get real impact out of your advice), at least at first until you know what kind of response you get, or you could end up investing a much larger amount of time in doing it than you intended. (Or maybe not — I don’t want to discourage you from being generous with your time. Just make sure you’re prepared for everyone to say yes!)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Is my employee taking too much sick leave?

I’m a relatively new manager and I’m struggling a little with how to handle one of my employee’s use of sick leave. I work in an industry that has a public-facing desk that needs to be covered when we are open. If somebody calls out sick, I have to pay an additional person to cover that desk. My budget for that is quite limited.

One of my employees, I’ll call her Jane, is an exemplary employee. However, she calls out at the last minute at least once every other month. At least once in the past nine months, she’s blown completely through her accrued sick leave. I don’t want to be that boss that encourages sick people to come to work, and I certainly feel for her (I have a chronic illness, and before it was under control, I blew through sick leave too), but at the same time, her absences put a strain on my budget. Is this bad enough to address, or am I blowing this out of proportion?

If she has the sick leave to take, it’s not really fair to tell her that she can’t take it. I get that it’s putting a strain on your budget, but you have an exemplary employee who’s doing nothing more than using the benefits that are part of her compensation, and doing it because she’s sick. (Paying salaries might put a strain on your budget too, but you pay them because that’s how you attract and keep good employees. Or you change your salary structure — but you can’t resent people for cashing their paychecks.)

At most, you could talk to her and find out if there’s any way to plan more in advance (for example, if she’s using the time for doctor’s appointments, it’s possible she has more flexibility on when and how far in advance she schedules them), but depending on what the time is for, that may not be possible.

For what it’s worth, I do think you’d have more standing to talk to her if her absences were much more frequent than it sounds like they are. There’s a point where someone might be calling out so much that it’s getting in the way of their being able to do their job reliably. (For example, in this post, the person was taking more than their allotted amount of sick time and it was regularly interfering with other people’s work.) But that doesn’t sound like the case here.

2. I keep getting surprise raises — but not as much as I planned to ask for

I’ve been working at a small retail business (nine employees) for nearly two years. Since I was hired as the ecommerce manager, I’ve steadily grown business, improved sales, and taken on numerous projects and responsibilities that were not originally part of my job. There are some perks that make the job especially appealing — flexible work hours, casual environment, a really excellent employee discount, and a very short commute. I enjoy my job a lot, but the pay is well under market value.

I planned on asking for a raise when I reached the one-year mark. I was surprised when I noticed on my paycheck that I’d been given one around that time. My boss didn’t let me know I was getting a raise — it was a total surprise. The raise was a small one and lower than what I’d planned on asking for. I wasn’t sure what to do — it didn’t feel right to ask for another raise when I’d just been given one. I let it go because I love my job and planned to sit down with my boss a month or so before my two-year work anniversary and make my case for higher pay.

Today I discovered I’ve been given another surprise raise! It’s still under what I would like to be paid and what I feel is fair for the work I’m doing. I’m unsure of what to do. Is it appropriate to ask for a wage increase? My workload continues to expand and my sales are better than ever, but I feel like I can’t ask for higher pay because I was just given higher pay.

Your boss has discovered a way to keep raises down — award them before people have a chance to ask for a higher amount. (I don’t actually think that’s his intentional strategy, but it would be a pretty crafty one if it were.)

Anyway, you absolutely can ask for more. I’d say this: “I noticed an increase in my last paycheck. Thank you! I actually was hoping to talk to you about my salary, because I was hoping you’d consider moving me to $X. My thinking is ____ (fill in your case for the higher raise here).”

3. Responding to a rude rejection letter

A friend of mine received the following rejection letter today: “Thank you for your interest in the kitchen assistant/pot wash position. We haven’t reviewed your application. Unfortunately, and I ain’t going to bother and you are not the right or fit for the position at this time. You are useless and a crap worker. I am not sorry for the disappointing news. Worst of luck in your job search.”

It is in very poor taste and would like to know the best way to go about complaining or if there are any legal stances she could take. The person who sent the letter owns the pub, so I don’t see much point in complaining to him as he has already made his feelings pretty clear. Clearly this is not an acceptable response and he should be held accountable. What is the best course of action, in your opinion?

That’s so rude that I wonder if it was a prank by someone other than the hiring manager — like the hiring manager’s 12-year-old kid — because it’s pretty hard to imagine a normal person who hires sending that.

As for what to do, though, there aren’t really legal options here. No law prevents employers from being rude to job applicants. If your friend really felt strongly about it, she could see if her local media was interested in a local business owner treating people this way (occasionally you can get a bite from someone like a local business columnist), or she could mention it in a Yelp review, but there aren’t really options beyond that.

The nice thing about such over-the-top rudeness is that you know it’s about them and not you. I’d just roll your eyes and move on.

4. Can I ask about training in an interview?

Are there any downsides to asking your interviewer what the training plan is for a new hire? I’ve been a project manager for 12 years, so I’m confident in my skills and experience. But I’ve only ever worked for one company that had a robust training and mentoring program — everywhere else has used the “throw her into the fire, she’ll figure it out” method, which I am weary of.

I’m not looking for junior-level skill training (what does a project manager do, how to talk to clients) but company- and role-specific training (learning internal software, shadowing a colleague for “a day in the life” experience, process and SOP, best practices, tips, team culture, resources for self-service training, introductions to other teams and how they integrate with what my team does, best people to go to with questions as they come up, etc.). Maybe it’s because my current boss is a jerk, but I know if I were interviewing with him and asked for training details, he’d give me the stink-eye and cross me off his list of candidates because if I need training, I must not be skilled enough for the job.

I fear that expressing an interest in a training program could trigger a hiring manager to think: needy, not a self-starter, not confident in her skills and experience, needs hand-holding, won’t be a good fit, will be too much work to ramp her up, not worth the trouble, etc. Am I just paranoid because this is the current environment I work in, or do other hiring managers think this way? Is this something people talk about in interviews?

It’s fine and normal to ask about role-specific training during an interview. Many candidates ask about it, and no reasonable hiring manager will be put off by that. And if you find one who is, that’s a useful thing, since it will help you to screen out that person, which is exactly what you want to do if you want to avoid ending up working for someone like your current boss.

5. Difference in legal protections when you work for a smaller employer

I have spent the last 10+ years working for large public corporations. A bit fatigued of the grind and the politics, I am currently exploring a new opportunity that moves away from that structure. The company I’m speaking with has fewer than five employees and is privately run. There are a lot of attractive benefits to moving away from corporate, but is there anything I should be aware of regarding legal benefits and protections that may not exist due to the size of the company? (In my state, most labor laws like mandatory sick days, maternity leave, etc, kick in for companies with 4-15 employees.)

At the federal level, a lot of protections don’t kick in until an employer has 15 employees (most of the major discrimination and harassment laws), 20 employees (COBRA, which allows you to keep your health insurance after leaving your job, although you have to pay for it yourself), or 50 employees (Family and Medical Leave Act, the law that projects your job while you take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave for your or a family member’s health situation). Those are some pretty big benefits to give up, so it’s worth considering carefully if the trade-offs are worth it to you.

It’s also worth noting that smaller organizations often have more dysfunction — there’s less oversight and there’s less to dilute it (one awful manager can have an outsized impact). So you’d want to be very careful about doing a lot of due diligence so that you’re sure you know what you’re getting into as far as culture, management, and coworkers.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My manager is on maternity leave and I’m overwhelmed

My boss just went on maternity leave and I took over her duties in addition to my own. I’m excited for the opportunities this will present me when she gets back (promotion, raise, etc.), but I’m extremely overwhelmed for right now. Not only has my work load doubled, but people are treating me like I’m in a leadership position (I’m entry level). In our department, EVERYTHING is a priority and there is currently zero way for me to prioritize my work because of it. I have some mental disabilities that impede my ability to take on what I’m expected to do (HR is aware), but I’m not sure what to do or say that will help me handle this without hindering the flow of work in our department (unfortunately, hiring someone else, even temporarily, is not an option). If I continue like I have been (working 10-12 hour days just so I can get all the “priority” work done), I know I will end up in a hospital due to fatigue and general stress-related things.

Before my boss left, she suggested to tell people that we are down one person and that our priorities are outline in her maternity leave plan, but that isn’t working so far because people are ignoring that plan and keep coming up to me with their priorities. I’m not sure what to do or say to people to make them, to word it not so kindly, back off a little bit. Do you have any suggestions on how I can handle the next three months?

Well, at a minimum, it sounds like you need to be firmer with people: “With Jane out, we’re not able to get to everything we would normally. She left clear instructions that I should be focusing on X and Y, and not Z. So I can’t take this on right now, but we can discuss it when she’s back.” And if they push: “I really can’t — Jane left very clear instructions about where I should be focusing, and since we’re down to one person until she’s back, I need to stick to that list.” (Obviously, use some judgment here; something important could come up that her list didn’t foresee, and you don’t want to be totally rigid.)

Also, talk to whoever is managing you in your boss’s absence — or, if no one is, talk to her manager. Explain that your boss left you clear priorities, but that you’re getting heavy pushback from people who want you to do more than you reasonably can with a department of one, and ask for help handling it.

And stop working 10-12 hours days unless that’s the normal M.O. for your job even when your boss is there (I’m guessing that it’s not). It doesn’t sound like she intended for you to do that, and either way, you shouldn’t need to make yourself sick to meet unrealistic expectations. Figure out what you can do, let people know, and get help from above in sticking to those boundaries.

2. A company told me they’d call the authorities if I contact them again — should I show up in person to talk face-to-face?

I applied for the job of my dreams, no, the job of my life — the best job you can ever have in your wildest dreams! Long story short, I got rejected from the job . I was overly eager and contacted the lady who was the hiring manager. Anyway, I was looking at Craigslist and saw they have a few more openings. So I want to talk to the HR manger and address the situation and own up to my mistakes and make things better and right.

I need to do this for myself. I must just take charge and volunteer myself to do something uncomfortable and step outside my comfort zone. What do I do and say? As a side note, the HR manager told me I am no longer allowed to email the lady I was emailing, and if I do, they will take immediate action and may call the proper authorities.

I just do not know what to say. Is it best I just go in to his office and talk face to face or do I call or email if so what do I say and do?

Noooooo, do not do not do not go there in-person. Do not show up, do not call, and do not email. You can’t apply there again at all — they told you that you’re not allowed to email their employee and threatened to take legal action if you do. That is not a company interested in hiring you for anything ever — that is a company that thinks that you’ve crossed a line to the point that they feel threatened. They aren’t going to hire you, and they’re going to be concerned and possibly even frightened if you contact them again. That’s not something companies say lightly; they said it because something happened that made them want zero contact with you in the future. You can’t even think of contacting them again, in any form; you have to move on.

The best thing that you can do is learn from the experience and realize that no matter how interested you are in a job, you can only contact them once, maybe twice, without a positive response in return, and that if you press further than that, you’ll torpedo your chances. Take that lesson and apply it other companies that interest you — but you’ve got to leave this one alone.

3. Did I answer this interview question badly?

I had a panel interview recently, and a question came up that I am not quite sure how I should have answered. The main interviewer asked me, “What would you do if you were asked to do something, but you didn’t know how to do it?” I said I would ask a team member. The interviewer then said, “If your team member did not have the answer, who would you go to next?” I responded by saying the team leader or a higher authority. But the interviewer kept asking their question over and over again. After going up the chain of command in my answers, I finally responded, “If nobody had the answer, as a last resort I would Google it.” The interviewer told me, “That’s not a very good thing to say.”

What is the best way to respond to this type of question, and did I really answer it poorly?

I don’t see any problem with the way you handled it. (In fact, depending on the job and the context, it might have even made sense to say you’d do your own research earlier on in the process.)

You were dealing with a weird interviewer; don’t let their weirdness throw you off with other interviews.

Also, I wonder what answer they were looking for. Prayer? Magic? Random guessing?

4. Having lunch with a former boss

I am an assistant/secretary. I used to work for Steve. Steve left our firm, but I kept my job — I just became Jack’s assistant. Steve has taken me out to lunch to “catch up.” It’s not really networking, because we work on two vastly different levels, but it doesn’t feel quite social because he has expressed interest in hiring me away from my current firm when/if a position becomes available. He pays for lunch.

Is just thanking him enough? Should I send a follow-up email with an additional thank-you? If we were on the same level, I’d just return the favor and take him out to lunch sometime, but I just don’t feel like that’s the right call in this situation.

Thanking him in-person at the end of lunch is perfectly fine. It would be extra gracious if you sent him an email later, telling him that it was great to see him and catch up — but it doesn’t need to be another thank-you for lunch, specifically.

And I don’t think you need to return the favor and invite him to lunch in the future, unless you particularly want to; it sounds like this lunch was at least somewhat a cultivation lunch on his side, where he at a minimum wants to keep the relationship warm because he thinks he may want to hire you in the future. And even if that weren’t the case, the power dynamics in the relationship mean that it’s okay for you to just let him treat you to lunch without having to return the favor. In fact, if you do invite him to lunch in the future, he’s likely to pay anyway, even if you try to cover the check — just because that how’s it usually works with managers, even former ones.

5. Interviewer asked me if each of my freelance projects was as a 1099 or W2

I am currently freelancing while I look for my next position. During a recent interview for a VP position, I was asked how I was paid for each of my freelance projects. The HR director asked me if I received a 1099 or W2 for each freelance project. Why would an HR director ask this question?

It sounds like she was just trying to determine if you were a freelancer or an employee. It’s possible that she cared because if you were an employee, it could imply the work was larger in scope. Or she might just be a rigid interviewer who thinks that she needs to gather full information for every single thing on your resume.