Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I want to stop covering for my boss

I work in a government agency as a division deputy director. My boss, the director, has a terrible family life. His wife was convicted of a white-collar felony and spent time in prison. They have two young kids. He was a single parent while she was away. She is home now and he is taking care of all three of them.

I feel so sorry for him, but I’m tired of covering for him, as he is overwhelmed by taking care of his family. He comes in hours late every day, takes extra long lunches, and leaves early. Whenever his boss comes looking for him, I say he should be here soon, then text him to let him know the boss wants him. He also spends most of the time while he’s here on the phone handling personal business. I basically run the division for him, day-to-day. I make sure things run smoothly so he doesn’t get any complaints. If any of my employees behaved this way, I would never tolerate it. I don’t want to be disloyal, but how can I in good conscience allow this situation to continue?

Well, you could stop covering for him. Stick to doing your job and let him handle his. If he doesn’t handle it, it should be apparent to people above him soon enough. And in particular, stop covering for him when his boss is looking for him. Instead of saying “he should be here soon” (if that’s not true), say, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen or heard from him today.” (Frankly, if you really want to get the point across, you could add, “He usually comes in around noon” or whatever is true. You’re not obligated to hide that fact; if it’s okay that he’s doing it, it should be okay for you to say.) And stop texting him to let him know his boss is looking for him, assuming that’s not part of your job to do.

If you want to, you could give your boss a heads-up that you need to pull back on the pieces of running the department that you’ve been doing: “As you know, I’ve been doing X, Y and Z in the last few months since I know you’ve been needed a lot at home, but it’s been adding a lot to my workload and I’m realizing I need to pull back from those. I wanted to give you a heads-up that I’m going to stop doing those things, in the interest of not burning out, so I hope you can take them back over.”

2. Asking for an application and a resume and cover letter

Is it unreasonable to expect applicants to submit a resume, cover letter, and application for a part-time job, even if all three are asked for in the job posting? I recently posted a part-time position in my department, and at the end of the post, I state, “To apply, please send a cover letter, resume, and completed XYZ business application found…” So far, none of the applicants have sent me all three pieces of information. Some have sent just applications, many have sent just resumes, and a few have sent me a resume and a cover letter with no application.

A coworker has told me that since it’s just a part-time job, I can’t expect applicants to take too much care with their applications. But it’s a well-paying, skilled part-time job, for a position where communication is very important. Further, after training, this new hire will be on many shifts without direct supervision. So I feel that if these applicants can’t follow a simple one sentence instruction, I really don’t want to hire them. Is it unreasonable for me to be holding the applicants to this standard?

If you clearly ask for those three things — none of which are terribly unusual — it’s reasonable to disqualify applicants who don’t provide them. However, I’d urge you to reconsider the application. It’s likely that you’re just asking people to repeat information that’s found on their resume, and frankly, the best candidates are going to resist doing that, particularly at this early stage when they haven’t had a chance to talk to you yet. If you’re finding that your applicant pool isn’t great, it’s possible that that’s because good candidates are turned off by that and aren’t bothering to apply.

I’ve never used a formal application with any job I’ve hired for — just resume and cover letters. There’s no reason you can’t hire that way. If you want someone to sign a form attesting that the information they’ve submitted is accurate (one of the big arguments for applications), you can still do that — you just don’t need to make them spend time repeating everything.

3. My mom wants me to ask to live with an employee of the company I’m interning with

I’m a law school student who has just accepted a summer internship position. The firm I will be working at is located abroad, in a fairly pricey city. The HR manager of the firm has offered to help me find accommodation, and I am also looking at roomshares/sublets in the area.

My mother insists that I should contact the HR manager and ask if I can stay with an employee of the firm for the duration of the internship – i.e., ask the employees of the firm (essentially my supervisors) if they’re ok with me literally living in their house/apt for almost two months. I feel like this is a terrible idea in every way possible. She thinks it never hurts to ask (she also wants me to ask for time off in the middle of the internship to visit her ). How do I explain to her why this is such an awful idea? Or is this actually acceptable???

Noooo. Your instincts are absolutely right. (See yesterday’s letter!) Asking to stay in anyone’s house — let alone a stranger’s — for two months is a huge imposition. It’s not a normal thing to ask of an employer, so it would come across as a little childish and naive and very presumptuous.

It would be one thing if the company proactively offered. But the fact that they haven’t is all you need to know.

The good news is that you are an adult (unless you’re a child prodigy who’s in law school already?) and you don’t need to convince your mom. You can just tell her, “No, I’m not doing that.” If you really want to say something more than that, you can say, “It’s not true that it never hurts to ask. In this case, it’s likely that I’d look out of touch with professional norms and presumptuous. I’m not doing that.”

4. Can I reopen salary negotiations now that I realize what my health insurance costs?

I recently accepted a job offer at a great company and, despite their offer being $5,000 less than my ask, I thought nothing of it because the decision to change jobs wasn’t solely about the money. I’ve been here three weeks now and realized my monthly health insurance cost is four times what it was at my last employer, effectively eating up much of the raise I received. I should have picked up on this during the offer process but didn’t. Is this something I can bring up now with HR and see if they’d work with me? Or perhaps during my year-end review? Or should I just let it go?

Unfortunately, you can’t bring it up now. You’ve already accepted the job at the salary they offered. Asking them to reopen negotiations now is going to be legitimately concerning to them — it will make it look like you either accepted in bad faith or without sufficient thought (the latter is technically true). They may have said no if you’d asked for more initially, and if that’s the case they’re going to be annoyed that you didn’t give them that chance then so they could offer the job to someone who would be happy with the salary, and now they’re going to have to worry that you’re working there for a salary that isn’t enough for you (which means that you’re a risk for quick flight, which alarming when you’re still investing lots of training in someone).

Even if they would have been willing to give you more if you’d asked earlier, they’re unlikely to do it now. It’s just not the way negotiating works; each side has to be able to trust that once everyone agrees, no one is going to ask to change the terms a few weeks later. (Imagine if they came to you now and said they hadn’t budgeted correctly and they wanted to lower your salary.)

However, you can absolutely ask for a raise at your year-end review! I wouldn’t make it about their health insurance costing more (at that point, it’ll seem like a pretty distant thing to bring up), but about your work deserving a raise now that you’ve been there (more or less) a year.

5. Asking about working remotely for a week several times a year

I’m currently a grad student and heavily interviewing. Several places I’ve interviewed at mention that remote work is a possibility – some for occasional situations (like waiting at home for the repair guy and working throughout the day) and others in more regular situations (i.e., every other Friday).

I am currently in a long-term, long-distance (transatlantic) relationship that for visa reasons will continue to be long-distance for probably the next year or two. I realize that taking on a new job requires me to sign on for at least 18-24 months to avoid the job hopping reputation. That being said, one of my potential employers is aware of my relationship situation (I am currently interning there) and has stated that they would be okay with me working remotely 3-4 times per year for a week or so at a time. This would be ideal! In the case that the job with that employer doesn’t work out, how can I ask if this is a possibility at other companies without letting on that my significant other is in another country? I feel it’s inappropriate to bring up in an interview, and also lets on that I’d potentially be moving away in two years. However, it is a big weight in whether a job is a good fit for my lifestyle.

Wait until you have an offer, and ask about it then. I’d word it this way: “I know you mentioned that you’re open to remote work at times. I have family overseas and ideally visit a few times a year. Would you be open to me working remotely 3-4 times a year for a week at a time?” (I think it’s legit to call a long-term significant other “family.”)

Read an update to this letter here.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Accepting a job with an agreement to negotiate salary after six months

I recently started a new job. When I was offered it, the pay was a bit lower than I was hoping for so I asked HR if I could discuss it with someone. I was told that I would get a chance to negotiate salary after my six-month trial period was up. At the time I said ok because I didn’t want to push, but now I’m wondering if that is typical. Also, do you have any tips for negotiating pay at that six-month point?

Well, first, it’s not inappropriately pushy to negotiate salary. It’s a very normal part of business.

The thing about these promises for six-month reviews is that if you don’t have a firm commitment in writing, there’s nothing binding — and that could mean that your salary stays at a level you’re not happy with. So I’d only ever advise agreeing to that plan if (a) you’d be okay with the salary if it stays as is and/or (b) you get a firm agreement in writing to raise it to $X in six months assuming good performance (not just to discuss raising it — because they can discuss it and then say no).

But none of that helps you now, so here’s some advice for negotiating a raise. In addition to the normal raise advice, you should specifically say, “I accepted the job at a lower salary because I was told we could revisit it after six months.”

2. Employer is badgering people into not taking sick leave

I work in a small public library, and we have lost so many staffers lately that we are operating with a very small crew. Everyone is doing the job of at least three people.

Lately, when anyone tries to call in sick or leave early because they are sick, they are met with badgering from the management — phrases like “Are you sure you’re sick?” or “Are you going to the doctor right now?” even when it is night time and no doctor would be open.

At first, I thought it was just me, but I am hearing the other staff discuss it as well. What can we say in these situations? I have noticed a lot of the staff coming in sick because they don’t want to get in trouble. What are our rights in this scenario?

Legally, your employer is allowed to ask whatever follow-up questions they want, unless the medical condition is one that’s protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act. (More on that here.) If it’s a condition protected under the ADA, they can’t push you for information beyond questions that are “job-related and consistent with business necessity.”​

But that doesn’t mean they should. What they’re doing is rude and it’s bad management, and it’s going to result in people coming to work sick and getting other people sick.

If you’re up for it, you and your coworkers could point out this new behavior and ask that it stop. You could say something like, “Since we’ve been short-staffed, it feels like there’s pressure on us not to take sick time even when there’s a genuine need for it. It’s leading people to feel like they’ll be penalized for taking legitimate sick leave or that they need to come in when they’re not well enough. Is there a different way to handle this?” Or, even if your coworkers don’t want to speak up with you, you could address it on your own with your manager (keeping it just about you in that case, not about others): “Jane, when I called in sick the other day, I got the sense you were pushing me to come in anyway. I know we’re short-staffed, but I hope you agree that I’ve always been responsible with my sick leave and that I wouldn’t call in if I didn’t truly need to.”

3. References when you didn’t work closely with your manager

When providing references, I understand that managers are preferred. But what if you never really worked directly with your manager and instead had a team lead, or at least someone more senior who you worked with daily?

For example, my past supervisor was often traveling and rarely in the office. I worked with a senior administrative assistant who had been there eight years and went to her with most questions I had, so she is the one who would know better how I work. Who would be the better person to list?

I’ve also come across applications that ask for personal references instead of professional (they requested three people who were not past managers and who were not related to you). I wrote down three people who were not past managers, who I’ve known for 10+ years, but with whom I’ve marginally worked with throughout the years on projects (mainly theatre and other nonprofit volunteering). Would you suggest anything different?

I’d list both your manager and the team lead and include a note explaining the situation. (“While Falcon was my manager, I worked most closely with Cordelia on day-to-day assignments and feedback, and she likely can speak to my work with the most nuance.”) In other words, don’t make the call for them; explain and let them decide who they’d rather talk to. If you don’t list the manager at all, I’m going to wonder why.

In most cases, personal references are a silly thing to request, but if they’re asking for them, the way you handled them is good — people who you’ve worked with a colleague-like situation without actually being coworkers.

4. Cutting pay during training

My mother-in-law (and former boss) is a director at a gym. She is currently training new coaches for the summer. There is a lot of training (some of which I’m helping with) that is required, and they are paid for. For one part of their training, they are required to shadow current coaches. During this time, they are paid half their rate. Is this legal?

It’s legal as long as it doesn’t take their pay below minimum wage, and as long as they agreed to it in advance. (If they didn’t, she can’t retroactively change their pay.)

However, that assumes they’re employees. Some gym employees are 1099 contractors; if that’s the case, then this wouldn’t apply, and the pay can be whatever they negotiate together.

5. Should I reapply for this job that I haven’t heard back about?

I was contacted about 6-8 weeks ago by an HR professional at a very large company via Linkedin regarding a job that hadn’t been on my radar. She asked me if I was interested in applying and did a quick phone call, not an interview, primarily asking about salary and availability. I followed up with her and with an overseas manager who I was told was the decision maker (I got this information from other employees at the company who I know).

I only got a terse “you’re still being considered” response from the HR person. Today I noticed that the job has been re-listed. I am tempted to reapply, officially through the site instead of via the random HR contact. I just don’t know if reapplying will make me look desperate and blackball me from all jobs at this company. My other thought is to contact her again and see if there’s anything I can clarify in regards to my previous application, I have a diverse skillset and wonder if she couldn’t understand it.

Don’t reapply and don’t contact her again to ask if there’s anything you can clarify. They know that you’re interested from earlier, and if they have questions for you, they’ll contact you. Reapply will look weird, like you forgot that you’ve already talked to them about it.

They may just not be interested, or they may be focusing on stronger candidates, or they may be dealing with higher priorities. Acting on the assumption that they’re not contacting you because the HR person couldn’t understand your application isn’t going to lead you in the right direction. I mean, maybe she didn’t — but there’s no reason to assume that, and nothing you can do about anyway. (Actually, one exception to that — you mentioned you know people there. If they know you well enough to be able to vouch for your work, you could mention to them that you haven’t heard anything. If they think highly enough of your work, they may take upon themselves to see what’s going on.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I applied for a job and they told my current employer about it

I’m currently employed but am exploring the possibility of moving to a different part of the country and have recently been putting out applications. As it turns out, a resume I sent to one company made it into the hands of someone who used to work with my current boss. Without speaking to me at all, this person contacted my boss to ask about me. My resume clearly states that I am currently employed (and where), and I state that references are available upon request. Today my boss called me in to let me know this woman contacted him, and that he hoped I wouldn’t leave.

I am furious. I cannot believe this woman had the audacity to respond to my application by contacting my current employer, and not me. Thankfully my boss has been good about it so far, but it obviously could have gone the other way, and who knows what’s being discussed behind closed doors. My boss mentioned the company where this woman works, and I noticed she had recently looked at my LinkedIn profile. To top it off, as of now she hasn’t contacted me for an interview. If she did, I’m not sure I’d want to go due to the blatant unprofessionalism displayed thus far, but if I did decide to go, I’m not sure how I should react. Should I bring it up? If in the end she doesn’t contact me for an interview, what on earth was she trying to do by contacting my boss??

Perhaps my reaction is a bit extreme as things are still raw, but at this point I feel a bit violated, like she’s gone and tattled on me.

Your reaction isn’t at all unwarranted; what she did was a huge violation of the code of conduct that governs how this works. It’s generally understood that of course you don’t contact a job candidate’s current employer without permission, and that you could be jeopardizing the person’s job if you do. What she did was horrible.

I think you’d be justified in contacting her and saying something like, “My manager informed me that you reached out to him and told him that I applied for a job with you. I assumed my application would be kept confidential and that you wouldn’t alert my current employer, since obviously that could jeopardize my employment. Can you help me understand what happened here?”

If nothing else, you might consider posting what happened on GlassDoor so that other potential applicants understand the risk they’d be taking.

2. My coworker gives me work on pieces of paper towels

I work in for a international food corporation, where I an an associate engineering planner. One of the three engineers I work with seems to think that he does not need to make an effort in his work communication with me, and gives me work to be done written on scraps of paper or even paper towels. Or when he gives me instructions on paper, one can barely make out what the information is or what needs to be done. Also, he wants everything immediately, and runs and tells my manager that I am not working with him. I’m at my wit’s end with this guy. Please advise.

Well, if you could pretty easily get the information you need from those scraps, I’d say to try to roll with it as a battle not necessarily worth fighting. I think you’re seeing it as a sign of lack of respect, but you could choose to instead see it as just a weird quirk of this guy’s and not about you.

However, if you can’t read what he’s written, then of course that’s a problem — and that’s where I’d focus. When that happens, be straightforward: “Fergus, I can’t make out what you’ve written here. Can you talk me through it or type it up?” If that doesn’t work and you continue to get illegible scribbles, then you should either hold firm on not accepting work that way (if you’re senior enough to take that stand) or go to your manager and ask how she wants you to navigate it: “Fergus regularly gives me work written on scrap paper or even paper towels, which I could work with except that I often can’t make out what he’s written. I’ve asked him to talk to me in person or type it into an email, but it hasn’t stopped. What’s the best way for me to approach this?”

Same thing with him wanting everything immediately and complaining to your manager — tell her what’s going on and ask how she wants you to handle it. (Plus, if she does think that you should be more responsive to him, this conversation will bring that out, and the two of you can get better aligned.)

3. How can I avoid throwing former management under the bus?

I joined an established nonprofit as CEO about 18 months ago. The former director was accomplished in many areas, giving the agency the appearance of success and stability (programs successful, but not so fiscally). After starting, I learned that the agency was not engaged in fundraising, and its methods for raising unrestricted income were no longer viable. We do receive grants, but they are reimbursement-based, and we are responsible for about a significant portion of our overall budget. I also learned that the finance staff were only marginally knowledgeable about nonprofit finances, and that the board was only marginally knowledgeable about the state of the agency’s financial affairs. Very little infrastructure was in place for an agency with almost a $2M budget.

Long story short, I am in the process of rebuilding our board of directors and our finance team while starting a fundraising program from scratch. The transition year while I have been learning how deep the problems are has been particularly awful. We are now in the process of turning around this huge ship, but it is not easy.

We have a truly great team. They are aware that we are in a financial bind right now and morale is low. Most of our employees are committed to our mission and are working to help us pull through. However, they are having a hard time reconciling how rosy things looked two years ago with where we are right now. Likewise, some of the board understands why we are where we are, but we have lost many others.

Do you have any ideas how to frame our situation without throwing the former management and board under the bus? We are having to explain and negotiate late payments while building confidence with potential funders. While in hindsight I would change some of my decisions, the reality is that I came into a situation that was very, very unhealthy to begin with.

I’d err on the side of transparency. I get that you don’t want to trash-talk the former management, and you don’t need to — but you should objectively and factually explain the situation. The basic formula is, “Here’s the situation we were in, here’s how we got there, and here’s how we’re moving out of it.” If you stick to the facts and don’t insert judgments (either in tone or in substance), people will get the information they need and can draw their own conclusions, without feeling like you’re trashing anyone or trying to bias them. It’s the difference between “the board wasn’t paying attention” and “the board didn’t realize that X was happening,” or between “the finance team was a mess” and “the finance team was great at processing donations but unfortunately didn’t realize we needed to do X and Y.”

It will also help to put the biggest emphasis on the “here’s how we’re moving forward and regaining stability” part.

If you try to dance around it, it’s much more likely to come across as if you’re being shady or hiding something. Plus, people are going to draw conclusions about what happened whether you tell them or not, and it’s much better for them to have accurate information when they do that.

4. Should coworkers pay for the candy they eat from a candy dish?

If you bring in candy to work for your coworkers on your own accord and wallet, should you expect them to chip in for it and put a money jar next to the candy dish?

Not unless you make it clear that that’s what the arrangement is. If you put out a candy dish, people will assume it’s okay for them to take some. Only a rude person would eat huge amounts of it without offering to buy the next batch, but people will assume they’re not expected to chip in for small amounts. If you want them to, a sign or a money jar will make that clear.

5. Do I need to reply to recruiter emails?

I happen to work in an industry that has a small talent pool, but is growing at a rapid pace. I get recruitment emails about once a week for various new positions at other organizations. I’m happy in my current role and don’t have any intention of leaving in the near future. I may be looking in a couple of years, so it is nice to see what else is out there in the industry.

Most of these recruiters are very nice and send personalized emails, and often follow up if they do not hear back from me. I’m polite and often send a quick note back saying that I’m happy where I am. Should I answer each email? Is it OK to just not respond? I’m happy to follow etiquette and politely decline, but it is happening enough that some weeks I just don’t have the time to answer.

It’s fine to just not reply; they are very, very used to it. They send tons of these messages every week, and loads of people don’t reply. That said, if a recruiter seems particularly skilled or connected, it can be worth replying just to build a relationship for the future.