my boss is having an affair with a coworker and I found out from his wife

by Alison Green on April 13, 2016

A reader writes:

My boss is having an affair with someone in my organization, and I learned the news from his wife.

I’m a manager of a business unit of about 50 people. I have five direct reports, but I ensure that everything is running smoothly for all 50. I like my role and I’m respected here.

My organization provides a great working environment and it’s been my safe haven during the past year, as I’ve been going through a separation with my husband and have filed for divorce. My work life has been my calm, refuge, and my place of productivity and creativity during this transition. A small number of people in my office know about my divorce. The interesting thing is, as soon as you tell people you are divorcing, people feel open to confide in you about their own marriages. Three people in my office have confided in me already, and two of those are my boss and his wife. Note: his wife also works in my department, but does not report to me.

I truly respect and like these people, but I’m in a very awkward spot. My boss indicated that, like me, he is also having marital trouble. He didn’t go into detail, but he told me he’s not the same person he was when he married and he told me imagines a different future. My ex assaulted me and I think initially his wife came to me to be a friend to me. When she came to console me, she quickly began sharing with me many details about their marital shortcomings: the younger women he’s enthralled with, the stress she’s experiencing in her marriage, and the effects on their two teenage children. She tells me she thinks I’m strong and respects my decision to stand on my own.

I know she’s getting the counseling that she needs and she doesn’t stop in my office often (once every 4-6 weeks), but when she does stop to see me, I feel very uncomfortable and I worry for days after. I admire and respect both of these people. His wife is intelligent, gentle, and kind, but I can’t be her secret confidant.

Please tell me what I should say to his wife the next time she stops in my office and closes my door. I have not talked about this to anyone in my organization and I don’t plan to. I must set boundaries immediately with her, but without making an enemy. If he’s having an affair with this younger woman in my organization, you might expect the news might have an impact on his career, but given his power here, I doubt the consequences would be severe. I am, however, worried about my own job security now that the boss’s wife sees me as her confidant.

Whoa, yes, I can imagine how uncomfortable and awkward this is.

I’d say this to her: “Jane, I’ve realized that I shouldn’t keep talking with you about your marriage, because I work for Rupert. I like and respect you so much, and I want you to know that it’s not a reflection of anything other than concerns about navigating the work relationships. I want nothing but the best for you and think you’re a great person — I just realized I shouldn’t know some of this.”

If she’s as kind as you think she is, she’ll get this. She might feel a little embarrassed or awkward, but that’s sort of inherent to the situation. One thing that may help, though, is finding other reasons to talk to her (about non-marriage stuff) quickly afterwards. For example, if you talk to her about Lamar Odom later that day (please, can we all talk about Lamar?), have a normal work conversation with her the next day, etc., you’ll demonstrate that she doesn’t need to feel weird and the relationship can continue to be a pleasant one, just minus the really personal marriage confidences.

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should you tell your boss you’re looking for a new job?

by Alison Green on April 13, 2016

A reader writes:

I have a good relationship with my boss and enjoy my current job and employer, but I’m about to interview for another job that is both a career step up and a shorter commute.

Do I tell my boss the real reason I’ll be requesting time off is to interview, as a courtesy to her? If I don’t tell her the real reason for the time off, what do I say? I won’t lie, and I suspect that being vague will tip her off anyhow.

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

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recovering professionally after an internet hate campaign

by Alison Green on April 13, 2016

A reader writes:

I’m a woman in an industry that’s typically male-dominated. Recently I was interviewed about a project I worked on and spoke about the historic sexism in the industry and my company’s goals to be more feminist and inclusive.

Well. You’d think I said I liked to kick babies for fun. Certain sections of the internet have exploded with hate against me. My company has been flooded with threats and harassment. I’ve had to completely shut down my internet presence.

Fortunately my company has been amazing and totally standing behind me. I’ve been thinking, though, of what I’ll do when I eventually move on. I doubt there’s a company in the industry that hasn’t heard of me at this point. If I want to look for new opportunities in a year, two years, five years, how do I handle it? Not mention the incident unless they ask? Address it in the cover letter? Or wait and bring it up in the interview?

Do I warn the company that any public presence on my part might bring them unwanted attention? It’s true, but I don’t think many people want to hire a stick of dynamite.

Ugh, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

Here’s how I’d look at it: Imagine if your company weren’t handling this as well as they are. You want to screen for companies like them in the future. This is going to give you a pretty clear-cut way to do that screening. A sucky, unfair, shouldn’t-have-to-even-think-about-it tool for screening, but it’s an effective tool nonetheless.

I imagine what you’re thinking is, “Yeah, but a company could be great and still not be excited about taking this battle on.” But I’m going to argue that if you’re good at what you do and have the support of your colleagues (which you do), a good company isn’t going to shy away from this in a few years. Also, a few years is a long time with this kind of thing; it will almost certainly be old news and you will be the awesome woman who, side note, had to put up with a bunch of ridiculous crap a few years back.

I don’t think you have any obligation to proactively bring this up when interviewing with future employers, unless it comes up organically and you want to talk about it. I think the fact that you’re worrying that you might need to is a sign that you’re still mired in the current trauma of what’s happening — you’re feeling like this is now something about you that of course you would have to disclose, that you are tarred by this. But it’s not something about you and you are not tarred. You did a normal and reasonable thing. It’s about other people. Their mud splattered on you, yes, but it is not a part of you.

That said, depending on how all this is feeling in a few years (and I promise you that it will feel different then than it does right now), it might bring you peace of mind to bring it up once you already have an offer. You could frame it as, “Hey, I don’t know if you already know this, but I wanted to mention that I got a bunch of criticism a few years ago from people who didn’t like an interview I gave about my company’s efforts to be more inclusive of women. It’s blown over, and my company was awesome about supporting me, but if it ever comes up in the future, I didn’t want you to be blindsided.” It’s very unlikely that a company will pull an offer over this, and the point of disclosure would only be to help you — to give you the peace of mind of knowing it’s not going to surprise them later, and to use their reaction to give you some useful data about whether you’ll enjoy working with them.

Read multiple updates to this letter here and here.

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I’m a heroin addict and need time off to get clean, my boss told me I’m overpaid, and more

by Alison Green on April 13, 2016

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I’m a heroin addict and I need time off to get clean

I have been working at my current job for about eight months. I’m a pretty good employee, just got a raise, am asked to assist in other departments, etc. I have a good relationship with my manager and no performance issues. The only real issue that hasn’t even been addressed by my manager is that I only have two PTO days left (it’s only April; I was given 14 in the beginning of the year) because I’m pretty much a huge heroin addict and the reason for my absences is that I either am too dope sick to work or mismanaged my money that I don’t have enough for the bus (mind you, I’m 22, no kids, and live in one of the poorest cities making more money than any of my peers…I should always have money).

I’ve been on heroin for about three years now and am very functional and pretty unassuming since I’m attractive, young, smart, and since I snort it, have no physical signs of abuse. Sadly, I am starting to lose control and cannot break this habit and feel the only way to do so is either go to treatment (have to figure out a way since I opted out of health insurance so I can have more money in my paycheck) or detox at home. But I don’t have the PTO to do so. Would it be a good idea to talk to HR to give me some time to take care of myself? Will a company be sympathetic to this? (Mind you, I am very valued and have helped my manager tremendously in making our department more productive and organized, so I think I am a valued member.) Even if they don’t afford me more days, would I get fired for admitting my issue in an attempt to get unpaid leave? Also, I was not drug tested for this job. It’s a family-owned business. I need help and don’t know where to start.

Okay, first the law: If your employer has 50 or more employers, you’re qualified for leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). FMLA allows you to take off up to 12 weeks per year unpaid for medical reasons; you can’t be fired for it.* If your employer has 15 or more employees, you may also be protected by the Americans with Disabilities Act, which prohibits discriminating against people with disabilities, which in many cases includes drug addiction.

As for what to tell your boss — I was going to suggest that you be vague and just say it’s a medical issue that will require hospitalization (although you’d probably need to disclose more if you want the protection of the ADA). But everything I read from addiction centers seems to suggest telling your employer that you’ll be going to rehab. Personally, I’m not sure about that element, and I think you’re the best judge of how your employer will react.

* As I was finalizing this post for publication, I realized you’ve only been there for eight months. Since FMLA protection doesn’t kick in until you’ve been there a year, I’m now coming down on the side of being honest that you want to check yourself into rehab and seeing what you can negotiate with your employer. And even if they won’t agree to hold your job, I’d prioritize the rehab and your health over the job. You can get another job, I promise.

Read an update to this letter here.

2. I share a co-working space with a jerk

I’m having an issue with a person who sits near me in a shared co-working space. She and I work for different organizations but are in the same industry, so maintaining a pleasant acquaintance-ship feels important.

This young woman sits across from me and is incredibly abusive to one of her older coworkers – who she appears to outrank but who does not seem to report directly to her. She is unnecessarily biting and rude throughout the day to this woman in person, and when the older coworker is not in the office, complains about her loudly to their other coworkers. It’s not my organization, so I don’t feel comfortable saying something directly, but it’s so hard to listen to all day. I have taken to constantly listening to music through headphones while working at my desk, and will likely be able to relocate to a different desk in a few months, but do you have any ideas for me as to how to address this problem in the meantime, if at all?

Ooooh, this is tough since she’s not actually a coworker. If she were, I’d suggest talking to her privately and saying something like, “I’m sure you don’t realize this, but the way you talk to and about Jane comes across really harshly. It’s difficult to hear, and I’m sure it must be even harder on the receiving end.”

But in this case, because you don’t actually work together, you have less standing. Depending on your relationship, though, you might be able to say something similar. Or you might be able to speak up in the moment — even a just well-timed “wow” or “jeez, Cordelia” might make her realize how she’s coming across (and if nothing else, might make the targeted coworker feel better).

3. My boss told me I’m overpaid

I make a good salary at my job and have other privileges, like getting to work from home one day a week. I just had a baby, which has impacted my work/life balance but probably not dramatically, and no one has said anything to indicate that it has. I make more than most of my peers, but I also have more responsibility and do more things..

I was in a meeting with my boss, and we were talking about a new initiative I thought of to get our patients a discount on Vitamix blenders (they have conditions which would make this advantageous). I mentioned that they were very expensive and that I had one, and joked that I only had one because my car had been totalled and I was able to use the insurance payout. (We have a very collegial relationship, and this would not be out of the ordinary/inappropriate to share.) He laughed and said, “That’s okay, I know we overpay you.”

I’m sure I looked briefly surprised and hurt (I don’t have much of a poker face), but I took it in stride and just sort of clumsily went on with my pitch for the project.

I have been thinking about asking about taking on new responsibilities and a promotion/job change within this department, to a more middle management position. I’m not sure when, but now I’m not sure what to think. I wouldn’t want to take on more responsibility without more money. My annual review is coming up, and I had been planning on asking about a long-term plan for moving on up, but now, I’m not sure what my strategy should be. My boss is usually very candid, but very careful with words. What do you think? Was that just offhanded ribbing, or was he trying to tell me something? Is this intel, or am I overthinking/being neurotic?

You are reading way too much into it. It sounds very much like an attempt at a good-natured joke to me, not a serious message that he thinks you’re overpaid. Put it out of your head and pretend it never happened.

4. Can I tell a library patron that his resume is terrible?

I work as the director at a very small public library, so I basically wear all the hats! One part of my job is assisting people who need help with the computers. Lately, I’ve been helping an older gentleman who is applying for jobs. He told me he retired, but now needs to find a second career, unrelated to his 40 years of previous experience.

He was applying for a job online, but only had physical copies of his resume with him, so I offered to scan it for him and email him the scans. Well, it was seven pages! There was a page for each job he had, including giving out promotional samples. There was also a page listing equipment he was familiar with — technical equipment, but also things like office copy machine and his particular brand of cell phone. Also the email address on his resume didn’t work. The email he actually uses is in someone else’s name.

I want to tell him that he should tailor it to the field he wants to get into, not the field he was in. And I want to tell him to trim it down to a page or two! But this is my first post-college job, and I’ve often been told I look younger than my age. I’m afraid that he won’t take me seriously, or that I’ll be meddling. He hasn’t asked for help with the resume, just with the computer. Also, I wonder if I help him too much, if he’ll be misrepresenting his computer skills to a hiring manager. What do you think?

I don’t know what the professional boundaries are for librarians with stuff like this (but we have lots of librarian readers, who will hopefully chime in), but my thought would be that rather than giving him resume guidance yourself, you should refer him to some up-to-date sources. For example, you could say, “Most guidance on resumes says that your resume shouldn’t be more than two pages. Here are a couple of really good sources of information — I recommend that you take a look at them before you start sending out your resume.”

5. Is this an exception to the rule about not mentioning high school in a job application?

I’m one year out of college and am approaching the end of my AmeriCorps program, which will conclude in mid-June. I’ve begun my job search, and I’ve found a position at a public library I would love.

The application asks if I have experience working or volunteering in a library. I do — I volunteered for my first two years of high school and worked as a student worker for the second two years at this very branch. Many of my former coworkers and supervisors are still there, and I know I’m remembered fondly. I know convention says not to include anything from high school once you’re out of college, but would this be an exception?

I would just include it in my cover letter and not my resume, but this is a multi step government online application that asks flat out if I have this work or volunteer experience. What should I do?

Yes, I think you’ve found an exception to the no-high-school rule. When you’re being asked a direct question, you should answer it — even if it means referencing stuff from high school.

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I was promoted, but my boss won’t tell anyone

by Alison Green on April 12, 2016

A reader writes:

I work at a small media organization with a very casual environment. A great example of this: My boss doesn’t really “believe in” org charts. I began as a writer belonging to a very small team, but was promoted to co-manager of that team six months ago. The problem, however, is that no one in the company actually knows this. My promotion was never announced — no staffwide email, no mention in any kind of staff meeting. This has created some really awkward situations for me. I have to continually invite myself to meetings, insert myself in important conversations, and I constantly worry that I am not seen as equal to my co-manager. And so I have to keep telling people about my new role — “Hi! Did you know I’m actually co-manager now? Yeah, not a big deal, I just can’t keep track of who knows and who doesn’t!” — which is equal parts annoying and humiliating.

I have asked my bosses — twice — to make some kind of staffwide announcement, explaining both the uncomfortable position that not-announcing has put me in, and that this is making it harder to do my job. They’ve said that they will, they promise they will. No dice. May I repeat: It has been six months.

What do I do? If I have to ask them again, why should I believe they’ll actually do it this time? I just see them again saying they will, and then never following through, which leaves me right where I started.

I would bet money that this is rooted in your boss having an overly casual attitude about hierarchy (see “doesn’t believe in org charts”) and feeling vaguely uneasy about sending out a message that reinforces hierarchy … and maybe worrying that it will cause tension or issues with the people you’re now managing.

The biggest problem with that, of course, is that your boss does believe in hierarchy, as evidenced by the fact that she moved you into an inherently hierarchical role, and that she’s now asking you to do a job that depends on people understanding that you have authority, but without actually telling anyone that.

But I also bet that when you ask her to send out a staff-wide announcement and she says yes, she really does mean yes in the moment … but then her discomfort rears up and pushes it out of her mind.

That’s not reasonable, and it’s not fair for you. If she wants you to do the job she’s charged you with, it can’t be a secret.

So. Go to talk to your boss today, in person. Say this: “People still don’t know that I’m co-managing with Jane. It’s impacting my ability to do my job and causing problems like X and Y. You’ve said in the past that you’d send out a staff-wide announcement, but it hasn’t happened yet. Because of the impact it’s having on me practically daily, it’s important to me to get this taken care of ASAP. Can it happen this week — in the next day or two? And if not, can we figure out what’s in the way and how to resolve that?”

If your boss says that she’ll do it this week and then it hasn’t happened by Friday morning, go and talk to her again and say this: “I want to make sure you’re still planning to send out that announcement about my position this week.”

If she says yes to that and still doesn’t do it, then early next week sit down with her and say this: “I know you’d planned to send out the announcement last week. Is there something else going on that’s making you hesitant to do it? If there’s context to this that I’m not realizing, I’d really want to know.” It’s possible that there’s truly something going on that you don’t know about (some sort of internal politics, or who know what), but it’s unlikely that it’s actually warrants how this is being handled, and by framing the question that way, you might force your boss to realize that.

Also, at any stage of this, it could be helpful to offer to draft a message for her to modify (if the issue is that she’s busy and disorganized).

Alternately, while obviously it would be better if the message came from above you, sending it out yourself would be better than nothing. If you go that route, I’d first say to your boss, “Hey, it’s really impacting my job that people don’t know this, so I’m planning to send a staff-wide announcement about my role this week,” and then do it.

For what it’s worth, it’s easy to look at an issue like this and think your new job will always be plagued with problems. But I’ve seen this exact issue happen, and once the damn message got sent out, things were fine. (In one of those cases, the issue was that the boss had convinced himself that the message needed to be so perfectly crafted and would require so much thought that he kept putting it off … and didn’t realize how long he had put it off until the new manager got much more assertive about it.) Of course, it’s also possible that this is the sign of a boss who isn’t going to back you up when things get hard and will stand in your way when you need to, say, let someone go. But it’s not a definitive indicator of that, so I’d get this handled first and then see what happens.

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does your team lack a sense of urgency?

by Alison Green on April 12, 2016

If you’ve ever worked with someone who lacked a sense of urgency, you probably spotted it pretty quickly: Work languished, reminders were needed to push things forward, and the person generally didn’t seem terribly invested in how quickly things happened or whether they happened at all.

As destructive as that can be when it’s one person, it’s far more damaging when it’s a whole team. If the description above comes uncomfortably close to describing how your team operates, it’s time to do some thinking about how to inject more of a sense of urgency into your team culture. Of course, to be clear, “sense of urgency” shouldn’t mean panic or chaos, but rather that people are engaged and driving work forward with a sense that the speed of execution matters.

Here’s how you can get more of a sense of urgency on your team.

Model an appropriate sense of urgency yourself. This doesn’t mean that you should be racing around, yelling at people, or injecting anxiety into every planning meeting. It means showing through your actions that you care about driving toward results. For example, don’t load yourself or others down with low-impact work, spot and remove obstacles to work, keep meetings short and to the point (and insist on an agenda!), be responsive when people need your input, be rigorous about deadlines, don’t let projects just “drop,” and follow up when something isn’t happening in an appropriate amount of time.

Set expectations for projects up-front. All too often, managers get frustrated because a piece of work isn’t moving along as quickly as it should be, when they haven’t actually made their expectations explicit. Don’t hide the ball by making your staff guess what kind of timeline will seem on-track to you versus too leisurely; tell them. At the start of a project, talk through prioritization and any interim deadlines, and share whatever is in your head about timing – which could be anything from “I want to share a preliminary plan in the executive team meeting next week, so can you get me a draft in two days?” to “we have some time on this, but I’d like it finished by the end of the month.”

Set expectations more broadly, too. Talk explicitly with team members about how you want them to approach their work in general. For example, you might explain that a key to success on your team is having a bias toward getting things done and finding solutions when obstacles crop up.You could also explain that you don’t want team members to simply execute a series of activities that you assign them, but rather that they should see themselves as truly responsible for the success of their realms and for figuring out how to keep work moving forward.

Make sure each project has a single owner who is charged with keeping that project moving. When projects don’t have clear owners, they’re far more likely to languish. You might think that increasing the number of people responsible for the overall success of a project would increase its chances of success, but generally what happens is that the overall responsibility gets diffused and no one feels truly responsible for ensuring results.

Explain the reason behind deadlines. People are much more likely to work with urgency when they understand the need for it. “The client goes on vacation after Friday so if we don’t get her sign-off now, we’ll have to wait two more weeks” is a lot more compelling than “get this done by Thursday.”

Make a point of not creating a sense of urgency when things aren’t truly high priority. If everything is treated as urgent, then over time your team is likely to operate as if nothing is. You’re going to get much better results from people if you show that you apply some judgment (and allow them to apply judgment too) about what truly does require fast action and what doesn’t. Also, when people work in an environment where everything must happen now, they eventually burn out. So make sure that you’re careful to note when things aren’t rushes and can wait until it’s convenient.

I originally published this at Intuit QuickBase’s blog.

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my older employee keeps talking about my age

by Alison Green on April 12, 2016

A reader writes:

I recently started a brand new position (new department at the company). They hired me as the department manager and also hired a project coordinator (my direct report). We have just completed our first week together.

I am in the awkward learning curve of trying to figure out my role along company policies, procedures and culture while trying to provide direction and support for project coordinator. It has become quickly obvious that my direct report has a major issue with my age (I would guess I am 20 years younger then her). She’s making comments like, “Gosh, it’s crazy to have a supervisor that is the same age as my daughter” or “This structure will be an adjustment for me, I am used to being in the drivers seat, good for you for advancing in your career so quickly.”

With the first comment, I was in complete shock. Who says anything to their supervisor about their age?!? I have since used subtle humor tactics to divert / pivot from her age hangups, but they continue to sneak in. How should I proceed? It doesn’t help that we are both new and she obviously feels like we are on equal footing. For the record, I am not that young (37) nor do I look youthful (despite all of those expensive face creams).

When subtle humor works in these situations, it can be a great thing; it can let the other person save face and let you both avoid an awkward conversation. But I think of it as a one-shot deal; if the message doesn’t seem to land, then you need move to a more direct conversation. Continuing to just hint or pivot is too passive for a manager/employee relationship.

So it’s time to switch over to being very direct. The next time she makes a comment about your relative ages, stop the conversation and address it right in the moment: “Jane, you’ve mentioned our relative ages several times. I’m assuming it won’t be an issue for you.” And then just stop and see what she says. She may squirm, she may be embarrassed, or she may dig in her heels and make another comment about how it’s just unusual for her. If she does the latter, then you should say, “It doesn’t strike me as odd, but I’d rather we not get sidetracked on it.”

Hopefully this will be enough to convey to her that the comments need to stop. But if not and she continues, watch to see how frequent it is as she gets settled in, and also how aggressive it is. If it’s just a couple more comments and they’re not particularly egregious, I’d let it go — there’s actually power in not being rattled by it, and in not feeling you have to address every little challenge to your authority. (For example, “Good for you for advancing in your career so quickly” probably doesn’t need to be a big deal unless it’s said snidely or is part of a pattern of constant age references.) But if it’s frequent and/or aggressive, then yeah, you do need to stamp it out with something like, “Our ages really aren’t relevant here. Is there a reason you keep mentioning them?”

My bigger worry here, though, would be whether these are just naive and clumsy comments, or whether they indicate a deeper problem on her end with reporting to someone younger. If they’re just comments, you can probably move past them pretty quickly. But if she resents having you as her manager or doesn’t respect your ability to do your job, that’s an issue you’ll need to nip in the bud by addressing it just as you would any other performance issue. For example: “I’ve noticed you seem reluctant to take on assignments I give you. What’s going on?” Or, “We agreed that you’d do X, but you did Y. What happened?” … escalating to, if it continues, “In this role, I need you to do XYZ. Can you do that going forward?” There’s more advice on this here.

Meanwhile, though, the best thing that you can do is to treat her like you haven’t even noticed your age difference. Don’t let yourself feel awkward about it, remember that you were hired for a reason, and operate with the confidence of your position.

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I’m terrible at PowerPoint, no-show employee wants a bonus, and more

by Alison Green on April 12, 2016

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. No-show employee wants a bonus

We had an employee who stopped coming to work with no call, no text, no warning, nothing. After two days of not hearing from her, we called the police to conduct a welfare check. They told us that it appeared that she was at home, but she wouldn’t answer the door.

After another week of not hearing from her, we assumed she had voluntarily quit. We sent her a letter her know she violated the employee policy and that she should return the key.

Then we received a phone call from someone saying he was her friend and she was in a debilitating accident and had to be transported back to Phoenix to be taken care of by her family. He asked for a bonus for her. We told him she was not eligible since she voluntarily quit. We never heard back. Now two months later, she is emailing back threatening to show up to our office to pick up a check for a bonus that she is not going to get. The bonus is not part of any written contract and we give bonuses on a discretionary basis for employee appreciation.

Please advise on how to proceed. We don’t want her to show up when we have patients and causing a scene.

Send her a letter by certified mail outlining the facts: She stopped showing up for work without contacting you, after two weeks of hearing nothing you sent her a letter confirmation her separation from the organization, you issued her final paycheck on X date for $Y, no further wages are owed, bonuses are given at the discretion of the employer, and she is not eligible for one. You can email her back with the same statement too.

If she shows up at your office anyway (unlikely, but worth being prepared for), someone should be prepared to escort her out. If she makes a scene, that’s on her, not on you.

And yeah, it’s very unlikely that someone who was truly in a debilitating accident would handle it like this.

2. I’m terrible at PowerPoint

I started six months ago at a management consulting firm, and I love the job. The company is great and really takes our development seriously. We have a lot of opportunities for professional development and a really good on-boarding program.

But I have come to realize that I’m absolutely terrible at PowerPoint, i.e. the most important tool in a junior consultant’s toolbox. I realize everyone sucks in the beginning but the colleagues that started with me are getting really good and I’m still stuck in mediocre territory. I try to improve. I try to take projects where I’ll have to do a lot of presentations to get more practice but frankly, it’s going very slow. Am I doomed in my career since I’m so bad at this super essential program?

If PowerPoint is a big thing in your work, then yeah, sucking at it isn’t good. But there are zillions of classes and online tutorials in PowerPoint. Take some! If you’ve already tried that to no avail, then I’d (a) ask for advice from coworkers who are good at it — see if they’ll look at some of yours and give you specific tips and (b) raise the issue with your boss and ask for her help in putting together a plan to help improve your skills. (Most bosses will be glad you’re identifying the issue yourself and actively taking steps to address it.)

As long as you do the above, I don’t think you’re doomed. There are some pretty basic rules that you can follow that should get you at least into “acceptable” territory.

3. My coworker keeps pressuring me to get a different degree

I have recently decided to go back to university after several years in the workforce. I don’t have any qualifications except high school, as well as a few work-based qualifications such as a fork lift license. The career path I want to go down is complete a bachelor’s degree in law, yet my one of my coworkers is insisting, almost pressuring me, to complete a bachelor’s degree in social science with a major in criminology.

I have explained to my coworker that I am simply not interested, yet my coworker keeps pushing. Their logic is that while sociology jobs don’t pay as well as a law degree, it will give me a wider range of career opportunities (even though this coworker has no university qualifications herself and no background in career advice/job searching).

How do I politely yet firmly tell my college that I am simply not interested in a social science degree? I have nothing against social science degrees, but I have never been interested in this field of study.

“Jane, I have my plan of study set, so let’s not keeping discussing it.”

And if that doesn’t work: “It’s not something I want to continue discussing. Let’s move on.” Repeat as needed.

All that said … at least in the U.S., undergraduate programs in law (as opposed to actual law school) have a reputation for not being particularly rigorous. Depending on what you want to do with the degree, that could be worth factoring into your thinking.

4. Does my new employer know that I’m only available for the summer?

I recently got a full-time job as a management trainee for a marketing firm. On my resume, it clearly states that my graduation date is in 2018, but my dad is telling me to make sure that the firm knows I’m going back to school in September. My thoughts tell me that it’s clearly obvious that I am going back to school since I put my expected graduation date as 2018 on the top of my resume and the people in charge of the hiring process were all given a copy. What do you think? I don’t want them to think I am second-guessing the opportunity at all and I have April-September to do a great job for them. I think that my dad is trying to be overly cautious, but I want them to know I’m coming in with a sense of urgency to get my job done. I was picked amongst a lot of people for the job so I don’t think that they would overlook the first point of my resume.

Oooooh, no, if that hasn’t been explicitly discussed, you need to make sure that they know that, and you need to do it ASAP. There’s a decent chance that they figured it out from your resume, but it’s also possible that they assumed that you’re taking classes in the evening and that you wouldn’t have applied for the job otherwise. You must, must, must make sure that they know, because if they assumed wrong, it’s going to be a real problem when they figure it out.

This has nothing to do with whether you’re coming in with a sense of urgency or how many other candidates there were for the job; if it’s intended to be a normal staff position rather than a summer job, you’ve got to clear it up right away. And if you’re right that they know, it won’t be a big deal to verify it.

5. I can’t find a job with the certifications I just got

I am having a very hard time finding a job. I am trying to start a career in medical billing. I have just finished my education at a local technical college. I have certifications relating directly to the jobs I’m applying for. I have no doubt that I have received the right education for the job I want. The problem is that I have no experience what so ever in working in a medical office. Every job posting I come by says under requirements:
Education: High School Diploma/GED
Experience: 2 years or more working in medical office

The education part is incredibly frustrating because it almost seems like I just wasted two years on education that means nothing! Also, I have to be able to find a job that support two people, myself and my fiancé (my fiancé cannot work at the moment). Some of these jobs provide that but not all. I am extremely worried for our future. Is there any way that I can overcome the lack of experience? Is there something I can say in my resume or cover letter?

I’d apply anyway and write the strongest cover letter you can about why you’d be awesome at the job. (I can’t tell you what that is because it will need to be specific to you, but you might get ideas from the cover letter section here.) It’s possible that the two years of working in a medical office is a rigid requirement that they won’t budge on, but it’s also possible that it’s not — and you won’t know until you apply for a bunch and see.

Also, talk to your school. They presumably led you to believe that the education they gave you would help you get a job in this field, so tell them what you’re encountering and ask for their advice. (Also, it may be helpful for them to hear that their graduates are having trouble finding work and that they need to do a better job preparing people for the realities of job requirements in the field.)

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will taking occasional time off make me look unreliable?

by Alison Green on April 11, 2016

A reader writes:

Close to a year ago, I started my first full-time professional job. Prior to that, I had been in college and I worked part-time in retail. I’ve always prided myself on being reliable. I can count the number of times I missed class in college on one hand, and I only called in sick at work if it really felt necessary, which was rare. I usually had at least one weekday off, which made it easy to schedule things like doctor’s appointments.

But now I work 8-5, Monday-Friday, and I’m realizing that it’s just not possible for me to schedule some things for times when I’m off work. I’m fortunate to be in decent health, so I don’t need for frequent, regular doctor’s appointments or sick days. But I’m really struggling with asking for even occasional time off to go to the doctor. It’s ironic, because before getting this job, I neglected my health because I didn’t have good insurance. Now I have decent benefits and finally have the chance to do things like get new glasses and have regular dental checkups, but I keep putting off going to the doctor because I don’t want to seem unreliable.

For the record, there’s no indication that taking a few hours off here and there to see the doctor is frowned-upon at my workplace. I just don’t know how to handle it. I feel so entitled and presumptuous just making an appointment and informing my boss that I need to use some of my leave on such and such date for a doctor’s appointment. I don’t know if it’s more convenient for me to make appointments in the morning and come in late or make appointments late in the afternoon and leave early. I’ve avoided asking my boss about this because I worry that talking about taking time off will seem like a red flag. I don’t know how much I need to space appointments out. I’ve heard people complain about employees taking excessive leave before, such as when people take sick days every week. But to me, taking a few hours off every few months feels “excessive.”

I feel like I’m overthinking all this, but I’m very new to the professional world and I just don’t know what the norm is.

Whoa, no, it’s definitely not excessive! You have paid time off, and it’s normal to use it.

Nothing you’ve described wanting to do even approaches excessive! It’s on the low side of what most people do, in fact. Really, from what you’re written here, you could just schedule whatever appointments you need to schedule and assume that it will be fine. A few doctor’s appointments and a few dentist appointments a year aren’t even going to register on anyone’s radar; it’s so, so normal.

That said, I can understand why you’re feeling unsure about exactly how to navigate this; it’s new to you and because different offices have different expectations around this stuff, there’s not one hard-and-fast formula to follow.

So, in order to get you a lot more comfortable with this, and so that you don’t have to just take my word for it (even though you could!): How’s your relationship with your boss? If you feel reasonably comfortable with her and/or she seems like a reasonable person, you should tell her you’re feeling unsure about how this works and ask for some guidance. Most managers will understand that this stuff isn’t always clear when you’re new to the business world and will be happy to help you get a handle on how this works in your particular office.

Raising it with her isn’t going to seem like a red flag at all. In fact, asking is going to come across as conscientious (a little overly conscientious, in fact, but that’s not going to be a bad thing). Just be clear about specifically what you want to know — e.g., whether she cares if you schedule appointments for the morning or afternoon, if she prefers for you to check with her first or to just let her know, and other logistics like that — so that you don’t just get vague reassurances. If you don’t specifically ask those questions, you’re likely to just hear “it’s totally fine — schedule whatever you need,” which is going to leave you still worrying about those details.

But really, this is 100% fine and normal, and you should stop feeling entitled or presumptuous. Getting used to this is just part of the switch to a professional, post-school job.

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here’s how you should spend your time while you’re unemployed

by Alison Green on April 11, 2016

If you’re out-of-work and thinking about the best way to spend your time, you probably/hopefully have the obvious stuff covered, like updating your resume and writing great cover letters. But here are five other things you should do while you’re out-of-work to make the most of the time.

1. Volunteer. Volunteering for a charity or local community organization can be a great way to keep your skills up-to-date or help you learn new ones, expose you to new fields, and give you something to put on your resume for this time period. It can also boost your confidence and reinforce for you that you have plenty to offer, which can have a real impact on how you present yourself in interviews. Plus, by expanding your network, it will give you a whole new group of people who know from direct experience working with you that you’re reliable and competent, and who will be able to vouch for you to others.

One tip: Finding the right volunteer opportunity can take some patience. Small groups, who often need volunteers the most, don’t always have enough staff to respond to inquiries about volunteering. Larger organizations are generally more equipped to work with volunteers but will often funnel them to more menial work, such as stuffing envelopes. But don’t give up – it might take putting out a few different feelers, but if you give it time you should be able to find an opportunity that you’re happy with.

2. Make yourself more visible in your field. For example:

  • Join your industry’s professional association, go to its events, and volunteer to take on leadership roles, whether it’s helping to plan a conference or running for office.
  • If you’re young and your professional association doesn’t have a young professionals group, ask to start one under its umbrella.
  • Build your professional presence online. Find out where people in your field hang out online (such as particular blogs, news sites, or LinkedIn groups), and join their conversation. You’ll both build your knowledge (something that can be very handy in job interviews) and begin to build credibility as someone who’s passionate about the work you all do. And employers definitely prefer hiring candidates with this kind of track record of interest in theirsubject matter.

3. Learn a new skill. Whether it’s learning to code, expanding your Excel know-how, or brushing up on a foreign language, using this time to build your skills can make you a strong job candidate – as well as boost your confidence. From KhanAcademy.org to MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses) to local adult education classes or community colleges, opportunities abound for free or low-cost learning. Heck, you can even just do self-directed learning yourself using materials you find on the Internet.

4. Catch up with your network.Too often, job seekers feel awkward about reaching out to people in their network unless they’re connected to a particular job opening. But it’s worth reaching out to you full network and catching up one-on-one with people because you never know where it might lead. In particular, be sure that you reach out to past managers and coworkers who liked your work.They’re in the best position to vouch for you and recommend you to others.

5. Do things you can’t do as easily when you’re working. Don’t feel guilty if you’re not job searching 40-hours a week. People like to say that a job search should be a full-time job, but in reality the amount of time it takes will take varies significantly from field to field and from person to person. Particularly if you’re more senior or in a field without a large number of openings, you might find that it’s not realistic to spend 40 hours a week on your search.

And that’s not a bad thing. Unemployment is tough, and it’s okay to take advantage of the time that you have to do things that you didn’t have a chance to do when you were working all day. Go to a museum, exercise, spend the afternoon in a park, see family and friends, read a novel, or otherwise find ways to enjoy yourself. Hopefully you’ll be back at work soon enough, and then it may be harder to find time to do those things.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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