Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Interns complained about me

This is my third year hosting student interns for course worksite field study placement. Last week, I was blindsided by students accusing me of unprofessional behavior — everything from being angry that a business associate “hugged her and she’s a married woman” to “she made us sit on the floor.” The latter made me laugh, as I had repeatedly asked these students to go to the conference room to work on their projects and they refused, opting for the floor even over the chairs in my office.

I was upset by the call, as apparently these students started complaining on Monday, not to me but to their course advisor, who did not see fit to contact me until Thursday to ask about events earlier in the week. These students misrepresented every aspect of their time at my site and directly lied about some things. With two days left in their assignment, the students were allowed to change sites based on their accusations.

I feel the advisor should have called me Monday, with the initial complaint so I would have known the students were unhappy and suggested a reassignment before this escalated to a personal attack, which it did. I found later one student emailed business contacts (info taken off my desk) and shared her opinion of me with them, but the advisor does not want to speak to these contacts about it, saying “I can’t believe that happened.”

At this point, I do not want to accept any more students, though this was the first negative experience. I’m uncomfortable with this advisor but do not want to be viewed as vengeful by refusing future students.

A student took business contacts off your desk and emailed them her opinion of you?? That’s seriously messed up and a huge violation, and the fact that the advisor isn’t taking that seriously is the most worrisome thing here. Students complaining that you hugged someone who’s not your spouse is bad too, but not nearly as bad as that (which is a measure of how bad the contact theft/email is, not a measure of how minor the hug-shaming is). I don’t think the part about not contacting until Thursday about complaints from Monday is that big of a deal — but the other stuff sure is, especially the first part.

Can you go over the advisor’s head and talk to her boss? I’d explain that you’re considering pulling out of the program entirely because of the advisor’s cavalier attitude about the email to your contacts and ask if it’s possible to work with someone else. If it’s not, I think it’s entirely reasonable not to participate in future years.

2. I don’t want to help hire a replacement for a job I hated

I work for a small nonprofit organization as the right hand woman for the executive director. Though I knew when I started the job that the E.D. would be a difficult man to work with, after 18 months I have decided there is not enough potential for us to build a good working relationship for me to continue working here. He speaks to his employees in demeaning ways, sexually harasses women in our office, and is unpredictable regarding his work schedule and which of his job duties he is willing to fulfill (there have been pay periods where he has refused to come in to sign checks on the day they were to be distributed just to make a point). In addition, some unspoken expectations have come to my attention that have to do with helping to cover up misspent grant funds and general lack of transparency when it comes to the organization’s financial management.

I don’t feel the need to take a righteous stand when I turn in my resignation because I have no interest in seeing the organization struggle or fail. The problem is I think the E.D. will want me to help hire and train my replacement. Given my generally horrible and abusive experience working here, I don’t feel comfortable having any part in giving someone else my bad job (and I have good reason to believe any successor would run into the same issues). I’m expected to give four weeks notice and less would be considered “leaving them in the lurch,” both in my experience of other organizations and here. And each of my predecessors in this position have hired and trained their replacements in that time.

The E.D. can’t require that I do this for him before I leave, right? Any suggestions for how I can get out of it? I’m worried that if E.D. feels defensive or accused of wrongdoing, his negative opinion of me could limit my future opportunities in the community where we are based. I’d really like a clean break.

He can indeed require that you spend your remaining time trying to hire and train a replacement … but that doesn’t mean that you need to mislead candidates. You can be fairly open about the challenges of the job, without openly trash-talking your boss. In fact, you will do a better job of hiring if you do that, because it’s better for the organization if people self-select out if those challenges are deal-breakers to them. Here’s more detailed advice about how to do that.

The sexual harassment part, unfortunately, doesn’t fit neatly into this advice. I think the best thing that you can do there is to urge your colleagues to push back as a group, including taking that complaint to the board (which is your boss’s boss), and to consider being a part of that yourself. There’s safety in numbers, and smart boards will take that information very seriously.

3. Can I send in a second, better cover letter for a job I’ve already applied for?

There is a job available at an organization I would love to work for. The position I am interested in is perfect for me. I was so excited when I first saw the posting that I applied right away. I was really proud of the cover letter I wrote. However, after having it peer reviewed, I found it did not clearly highlight my skills pertaining to the specific job. I was really discouraged, so I wrote a brand new one and had it reviewed. The new cover letter received a positive response, and now I really want to re-send it.

Is it unprofessional to resubmit a resume and cover letter for a position you have already applied for?

Can’t do it. It’ll look weird to say “wait, I want to use this one instead.” You really just get the one shot, and that’s it.

4. Navigating interviews in a wheelchair

I’ve been out of work for almost two years while dealing with health issues. I’m now ready to start looking for work again but am facing a dilemma. In order to be out and about for eight to ten hours a day for a commute and job, I’m going to have to use my wheelchair. The thing is, I’m terrible at it. I bump into doorways. I have trouble getting lined up with desks properly. I’ve run into people accidentally — a lot. Plus, I sweat quite a bit while using it, probably a combination of muscles unused to the work of pushing it and nervous perspiration. I think time and practice will help me get better at it, but what do I do for job interviews now? I don’t want to tell people that I’m new at this because I’m afraid that they will unconsciously be judging my health instead of my qualifications. I’d rather appear calm and collected about it, like the wheelchair is just an extension of me. Any advice?

By the way, I don’t qualify for an electric wheelchair through insurance and they are too expensive for me to buy right now. Perhaps after I’ve worked for a while, I can afford one, but for now, it’s the regular kind.

I would just warmly say, “So sorry — I’m new at this!” Most people are going to be understanding and compassionate. Mentioning that you’re new at it isn’t going to make them think about your health; if anything, it might make them more empathetic to the difficulties of getting around.

Any more specific advice from wheelchair users out there?

5. Asking about a job that might appear next year

I’ve read that a large grocer, known for often having a teapot department in their stores, will be opening a new store in my community next year. I would be very interested in applying for a job in their store if they are putting in a teapot department, I live in a remote community, have 25 years experience as a teapot maker, and have just been terminated wthout cause for “business reasons”. There are few other job opportunities for teapot makers in this region, and I could hang on here until a job became available next year. My question is: should I contact the company in advance to see if they will be installing a teapot department, and let them know that I live here already and would be interested in working for them?

I don’t think it’ll do you much good. First, they may not tell you; second, if they do tell you, their plans may end up changing, and third, most importantly, there’s no guarantee you’d get a job there in a year. Proceed as you would if this weren’t happening, since it’s a pretty remote possibility right now.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss doesn’t believe in migraines

I have been a migraine sufferer since my early 20’s (I’m in my 30’s now). I have a medication that helps and can generally avoid my biggest triggers, so for the past several years they have been under control. I have had to call out of work with a migraine only a handful of times in the four years that I have reported to my boss.

However, lately my migraines have gotten worse and my medicine is not helping like it used to. I have had to stay home or leave work early due to a migraine four times in the last two months, which for me is a lot. I get very light-sensitive, so being at my computer can make them worse and I also get very nauseated. I have an appointment with my doctor to talk about it and see if I need to switch medicines or do any other kind of testing.

Each time, I have called or texted my boss (texting is her preferred method of communication in this case) and her response has been a simple “ok,” versus the few times I have had to stay home due to other sickness, when she would add “Feel better soon!” or something to that effect. While discussing my migraines with a coworker, who also gets them, she commented, “It makes me mad that Boss doesn’t believe that migraines exist.” When I asked her to clarify, she said our boss had told her at one point that she didn’t think migraines were a real thing, just a bad headache.

Would you do anything differently about calling in sick for this boss? Get a note from my doctor that I do in fact suffer from migraines? Or just chalk it up to the fact that some people don’t understand them and continue as I have been? I generally have a good relationship with my boss and am the highest performer in my department. I’m frustrated already with my health situation, and my boss possibly not taking it seriously makes me even more frustrated.

How ridiculous. I’d just stop telling her the reason for your sick leave; she doesn’t need to know if it’s a migraine or a cold or food poisoning. Stick with “I’m under the weather and will be out today” or “I’m dealing with an ongoing health issue that I’ll have several appointments for this month” or whatever. If you feel like that won’t fly (although it should), you could even just describe the symptom rather than the cause (nausea, for example).

Or, you can continue on as you have been and decide that it doesn’t really matter if your boss takes it seriously or not, as long as it’s not impacting anything concrete. (It’s also possible that your coworker isn’t fully accurately representing your boss’ viewpoint, which is worth considering too.)

2. My employee cries whenever I give her feedback

One of the people I supervise is “Mary,” a woman in her early 20s. Every time she gets critical feedback (even very mild and accompanied by praise), she turns bright red and starts crying… like, a lot. Tears streaming down her face. Other than that, though, she responds calmly and rationally. She carries a handkerchief and just mops up the tears and continues the conversation. One of the first times this happened, I asked if she was okay, and she said that it’s “just a physical response to stress” and confided that she’s getting cognitive behavioral therapy to learn to control it. Honestly, I think she’s handling the whole thing with a lot of professionalism and maturity.

I am her direct supervisor, but she also reports to two of my (male) colleagues, one of whom is a VP in my company. I recently overheard them talking about Mary, saying that her crying is uncomfortable, unprofessional, and “stupid.” Mary is a great employee, and I want to do whatever I can to protect her job and reputation within the company. Should I say something to my colleagues? Should I advise her to say something?

How about saying this to them: “I agree the crying isn’t ideal, but she’s an excellent employee, and she’s consistent about listening carefully to feedback and incorporating it into her work, more than many other people are.” (Or whatever — don’t say that last part if it’s not true, of course.) If you’re comfortable with it, you could also consider adding, “You know, there are some real gender-based differences around emotions in the workplace, and I think we need to be really careful about how we talk about this.”

This is a little tricky because, well, crying every time she gets feedback is actually pretty problematic. You’re comfortable continuing on in the conversation, but a lot of managers wouldn’t be, and it’s the kind of thing that’s going to generally make people uncomfortable and create the impression that she’s not able to handle stress or challenges. That said, she clearly recognizes that it’s an issue and it sounds like she’s handling as well as possible, given the circumstances, and it would probably be smart to try to shift your colleagues’ perceptions a bit if you can.

Read an update to this letter. 

3. Is it weird not to meet with the hiring manager?

I have been invited to an in-person interview with a really great company — I’m super excited! This comes after a 30-minute call with a recruiter and a 30-minute call with the hiring manager. The recruiter emailed me today to let me know the in-person would last about three hours, and I would be meeting with five different people — four coworkers (one above the role in seniority, two at the same level, and one a step below) and someone from a different department who the person filling this role would work closely with.

I thought it was weird that I wouldn’t be meeting the hiring manager in person, so I responded to the email asking if he would be there too. The recruiter responded, “He might stop by if he has time but is not scheduled to meet with you.” Is this weird? As far as I know, this would be the last interview in the process.

Is it the last step in their process before they make a hiring decision? If so, it’s pretty weird, and it would give me concerns about your would-be manager, if he’s willing to hire someone after just a 30-minute phone conversation and isn’t even willing to take advantage of you being in their office to talk with you in person. I’d also be wary of taking a job without more of a chance to talk with the person I’d be reporting to.

But if there’s another step after this where you’d talk longer with the hiring manager, then this wouldn’t worry me at all. It’s actually a great thing to have an input-from-others stage, as long as the actual manager is going to spend more time with finalists at some other point in the process.

Read an update to this letter here.

4. Should I go to an event my boss is being honored at?

I work for the CEO of an organization, and she is an officer of an industry-specific organization. Next year she is being appointed the president of the organization (a one-year term). They are in the process of planning the induction party, and my boss invited me to the event. I’m wondering if I’m informally obligated to go? I know they can’t force me, but I’m just looking for whether or not I should? It would be on my dime, mainly gas and a hotel if I chose to stay overnight, so I’m really not worried about that, I’m primarily convened with what the impression would be if I don’t go.

I don’t know your specific context, but in general I wouldn’t think so. If it were local, maybe (although even then I don’t think it would weird to have a scheduling conflict). But far enough away that you’d consider an overnight stay? I think you can nicely bow out while congratulating her for appointment.

Also, I’m having trouble thinking of any industry organization where this kind of appointment requires an induction party planned a year in advance, unless she’s temporarily taking over the ruling of a small country or something.

5. How likely am I to be a top candidate the second time around?

I interviewed with a company this past month, was flown out for an interview cross-country, and everything went well. The recruiting manager then called me and said that while they were still interested in me for the position, they were extending the offer to another candidate who they felt had more experience. I thought that was the end of it, but she made a point to tell me that they are still hiring for more slots in this role but it would be another month or so before they would hire another one. She told me I received nothing but positive feedback, other than my being more junior at the role, and to keep in touch as they were still very interested.

While I know that doesn’t mean that I will be hired in a month, if and when they start hiring again, I want to know my chances of still being a top candidate. I plan to follow up in about three weeks to see if there is any news in the process and restate my interest. However, from your perspective, are employers more likely to hire from a pool of candidates they have already interviewed who they liked or would they want to interview more people? The position is still listed on their website (understandable as they would still need a pool of applicants regardless) so I also am worried if I would have to restart the interview process again.

It depends. If they loved you and you were their second choice in this round and they’re confident that you’d be their top choice in a future hiring round, then it’s possible that they might just offer you the position. But it’s also very common to interview more candidates; after all, they want to make sure they’re hiring the best possible person, not just the one person they already know about who seems pretty good.

There’s really no way to know from the outside, and it’s a recipe for making yourself crazy if you speculate, so I’d just move forward with the rest of your job search and let this play out however it’s going to.

Read an update to this letter here.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Should I email condolences to a coworker?

This morning, our office found out via a department wide email that there was a death in an employee’s immediate family yesterday. This employee will be out of the office for a while, understandably. I am wondering if I should email my condolences to her. We aren’t friends, but I do see her in the halls regularly and we sometimes work on the same projects. Would it be odd or bothersome to email her? I wonder if not emailing would seem cold or unkind. Should I wait a week or so since this just happened yesterday? I’m not sure what I should say if I do reach out.

Is it possible to mail a note or card to her instead? I like that better than email in this situation — email is definitely better than nothing, but a note or card feels additionally thoughtful.

You could simply say something like: “I was so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. What a terrible, terrible loss. I wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you, and you have my heartfelt condolences.”

The idea with condolence notes isn’t to find the right words — there are no right words — but simply to say that you are thinking of the person during a horrible time.

2. Mentioning that my sister-in-law used to have the job I’m applying for

My small family relocated to my partner’s medium-small hometown from a major metropolitan area about seven months ago. I have been actively applying to various full-time positions while also doing volunteer and part-time work with organizations/companies in my field. A position has recently come open at a granting organization that could be very interesting, but requires a few years less experience than I already have. I’ve known about this job for a long time, as my friend and now sister-in-law held it over 10 years ago, under a previous executive director before moving away from town (side note, to move to the major metro area with is when we first departed for graduate school).

I already have a strong application with my professional and volunteer experience but I wonder if I should mention the sister-in-law connection and my familiarity with the work through her? It is quite likely that the director and the departing holder of the position already know or will find out about the connection very quickly.

Eh. If the people there are likely to know her, you could drop her name in a “Valentina Warbleworth suggested I reach out to you” way. But you don’t want to imply that you think that knowing a bit about the work through her makes you more qualified (especially since that was more than 10 years ago).

But if she does still have contacts there, she could reach out to them to mention that you’re applying and she thinks you’d be great at the job.

3. How should I explain my part-time jobs?

I’m a recent college graduate, and am lucky enough to be working a 40-hour work week in my chosen field. However, there’s a catch– I’m working two separate part-time jobs, for two different organizations (one as a part-time employee, the other as a contractor). I’m doing more or less the same kind of work at both, but they’re on different topics– so in both I’m hired as a teapot design assistant, but in one job I focus on chocolate teapots and in the other I focus on vanilla teapots. My supervisors at both companies have said numerous times that while it’s unlikely that they’ll be able to hire me full-time due to financial constraints, they will do whatever they can to help me find a full-time job at another teapot design firm– including not having to give a long notice period if I get the perfect job that wants me to start ASAP. I feel incredibly lucky to be working with two companies I love, with supervisors I respect and admire, but I do want to find something full-time with benefits.

Thankfully, I’ve been able to follow your advice about being selective and only applying for jobs that I think I’m a good candidate for– however, I have no idea how to frame my current employment experience when talking about it to employers! I’ve only been employed at these jobs for six months– will I look like a job hopper if I’m applying to full-time jobs now, even though my current positions are part-time? Is there an appropriate way I can explain that my employers are happy for me to find something full time elsewhere, without making it sound like I am not a necessary part of my current offices ( I know that they will have to bring someone on when I leave)? I know that I do very good work (and have had my contracts extended multiple times because of this), and want to make that the focus for employers, not the unconventional work set-up now. I really would like to avoid the job hopper label, due to personal circumstances that will likely demand that I work at a future job for a shorter amount of time than recommended at some point or another.

Just explain to employers that both jobs are part-time and each employer knows that you’re searching for full-time work. Having to cobble together part-time jobs to make full-time hours is a perfectly understandable reason for moving on after a short period.

It would be different if this were one full-time job; that would raise the question of why you’re already looking to move on after only six months. But in your current situation, it makes perfect sense.

4. Must I disclose my disability when applying for jobs?

I had brain surgery in November 2014 to correct a cavernous malformation and developed a seizure disorder as a consequence of the healing process. I’m working with my neurologist to get my seizures controlled with medication, but as a result, every time I have a seizure, I lose my driver’s license for six months.

While I’ve started my own home-based editing business, I’m still filling out the occasional job application for editing work. I’m struggling with applications that ask if the applicant has a disability — because technically, a seizure disorder counts as a disability that needs accommodation under the ADA. However, it’s one of those “hidden” disabilities, like mental health issues, and it isn’t readily apparent by looking at me (unless you notice the medical bracelet).

Must I disclose this disability when I apply for jobs, or even in the interview process? If I shouldn’t disclose it when I apply, when is the right time to disclose such a disability that would need accommodation?

As a note, the kind of accommodation that I would need would be something like time to recover if I were to have a seizure at work, and possibly an altered schedule to align with bus routes (in case I lose my driver’s license again). My seizures are not frequent and are accompanied by an aura, so I am able to get myself to a safe place to make sure I’m not injured if they happen while I’m at a workplace.

No, you’re not required to disclose it at any point during the hiring process. If you want to ask about accommodation once you have a job offer, you of course can — but you’re not required to.

They’re asking because companies with more than 100 employees and companies with government contracts over a certain dollar amount are required by law to report the demographic makeup of their applicants and employees to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (in aggregate, not individually). Also, if you’re applying for work as a federal contractor or subcontractor, it’s to help them meet a target of a 7% workforce of employees with disabilities.

However, answering is voluntary, and you can’t be penalized for not answering. In fact, the law requires that disclosure be voluntary, that refusal to provide it will not subject the applicant to any adverse treatment, and that the information be kept on a form that is kept separate from the application.