Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My manager thinks I accepted a job — but I didn’t and I don’t want it

I’ve been contracted with a company for about five months now. A couple of weeks back, my supervisor brought up a possible position and I said that I would be interested in hearing more about it when more information became available. Today, though, I spoke with my supervisor and I didn’t fully comprehend until the meeting was over that she spoke about the job as though I had already accepted it. She said something along the lines of her being happy that I was going to give the position a try. She was already walking away before I really had time to comprehend what had just happened. The whole situation is a misunderstanding; I either was not clear about me wanting to know before I made a decision or she misunderstood me. It is not a position that I am interested in.

How should I go about telling my supervisor that I am not interested in the position? Or would telling her that make me look flaky?

Well, it’s going to look a little weird that you didn’t correct her on the spot, but you definitely need to speak up — you can’t take a position you don’t want just because you were caught off-guard.

I’d say this: “I realized that the other day when we touched base about the X position, you framed it as if I was definitely going to move into it. When we talked a few weeks ago, we’d left it that you’d give me more information about it once that info was available. I had assumed that’s what our conversation was the other day — but I think at the end of if, you may have thought I was accepting the role. I actually don’t think it’s the right position for me because of XYZ, and I wanted to make sure I hadn’t left you with the wrong impression.”

And say it ASAP, like today.

2. My boss wants me to give him dirt on my coworker

So my office has a lot of drama and gossip. I work the night shift, which essentially leaves me without any coworkers or upper management. We in the office are all lateral positioned supervisors. We have one coworker who has been here for just over a year. She has been constantly tattling on all of us for any little mistake we make. She has graduated to making false allegations now and is now picking on a new supervisor, and has even gone as far as changing her end-of-day numbers around. The new supervisor messaged me complaining about this, and I let gossip slip. I told her to watch what she says and does around said troublemaker, and I even told her why: This trouble-making coworker was forced to resign from her previous job for falsely filing a sexual harassment complaint with the HR department. Her husband had found out that she was having an affair with a man she worked with, and that was her way of rectifying the situation, and she was caught. I should not have let that gossip go.

This new coworker immediately told my boss what I had said about the troublemaker. The thing is, evidently my boss has been hearing this story since he transferred here and believes it. The thing is, my boss had vanished for a month and came back last night. Rumors around the office were that he was under investigation by HR. His boss told me that he would be back in two days, but he actually came back last night from his hometown, which is four hours away, and told me to keep quiet about him being here early. He wants the dirt on the troublesome coworker’s history at her previous employer. I happen to know troublemaker’s old boss. He wants me to talk to her. And, he wants to catch the troublemaker off guard tomorrow. His manager does know he’s in town now; it’s more that he doesn’t want this woman to know he’s here.

I am scared now. He assured me that I wasn’t in trouble for gossiping, and that he’s glad I did, but some part of me is uneasy about this whole situation. I am usually not involved in all of this drama. I just hear everything as the union workers come in at night after their routes. They are constantly telling me everything that goes on with her, and my cup spilled over.

What?! This is crazy. Your boss has lost hold of his senses. It’s not clear to me if he traveled to another town to dig up dirt on this coworker or if that was about something else, but it’s all sounding like an overly dramatic movie.

It’s highly unlikely that whatever happened at your coworker’s former job is going to affect her employment at this one. If there are legitimate problems with her work or her ability to get along with coworkers at this job, y’all should be talking about that with her boss. But no one needs to travel out of town or get the dirt from the last job or catch her off-guard for a dramatic confrontation.

If they try to involve you in this, just say that you don’t know any more than what you’ve already shared, and that you don’t feel right discussing it further — but that you’d be glad to be part of a conversation with her boss about the work issues at this job, not the last one.

3. I lied about my degree and now there’s a background check

I recently applied for the “perfect job,” and one of the requirements was a bachelor’s degree. I was confident that I could do the job based on my experience and abilities. Well, I unfortunately made a crucial error in judgement by putting that I had a BFA on my resume, then foolishly felt I had to again on the job application. I had a fantastic interview with them, and they decided to move forward with my application. Since lying on my application, I can’t sleep and am so ashamed as I’ve never done anything like this before.

Yesterday they called with an offer letter contingent on a favorable background check that includes education. My worst nightmare! Why didn’t I think this through before?

I don’t want my lie to be discovered in the background check. Should I be straight with them now and let them decide whether go forward still or should I decline their offer?

Ouch. Yeah, you can’t do this. Not just because it leads to situations like this, but because now you’re not just the person without the required degree — you’re the person who lies. And that’s usually far more of a deal-breaker than having or not having a degree. Employers who might be willing to be flexible on the degree requirement (as they often should be) are usually not flexible on issues of integrity, which is what this is.

So, should you decline the offer or tell them the truth? I could argue for either. Telling the truth has more integrity to it, I suppose — you’d be coming clean, which is good. But they’d be very unlikely to proceed when you explicitly lied on your resume, so simply declining might be the less uncomfortable route.

4. Meeting with people from my old industry right after I start a new job

I just started a new role this week that I am super excited about. I’m leaving behind a role where I was a pretty vital part of the day-to-day operations in a very small, insular community for three years. I formed very close relationships with a lot of these people. As such, when I sent my farewell email out to folks I wanted to stay in touch with, a lot of folks asked me to grab coffee to catch up and hear about my new role.

However, my new role is not so much client-facing; it’s more event programming and logistics. Would it be out of line to take meetings during the work day with people in my former network? It’s still the same space/industry, but not all of these meetings necessarily have synergy with what I’m working on. Not sure what professional conventions are surrounding this.

I’d mainly hold off for now. One coffee with an old colleague your first month on the job isn’t a big deal — but a bunch of them when they don’t relate to your current job would raise my eyebrows if I were your manager. Wait until you’ve been there a bit longer and have established yourself, so that you’re more of a known quantity. At that point, your manager will know you have a work ethic and are getting things done and will be less likely to wonder what’s up.

It’s very normal to tell past colleagues in this situation, “Once I’m more settled in here, I’d love to have coffee.” It doesn’t need to be immediate. (Or, if you want it to be more immediate, meet for a drink after work or something. Just don’t load up your first couple of months at a new job with daytime meetings with people who don’t relate to the new work.)

5. My severance package is smaller than coworkers laid off six months ago

I am working for a large company that did mass layoffs about six months ago. They offered severance packages to those employees who were laid off.

I am now being laid off for the same reason (position elimination), but have been told I will not be getting a severance package because I have a longer time to find a new position within the company. It seems unfair that I am not being offered severance, but six months ago they were giving severance to employees in the same situation as I am in now. Do I have any grounds to get a severance package because of this situation?

It’s not uncommon for people in earlier rounds of layoffs to get larger severance packages than people in later rounds, often because there’s simply less money to put toward severance later in the process. It’s also true that employers will sometimes give severance in lieu of notice (“today will be your last day but we’re giving you four weeks pay to cushion the blow since you’ve had no notice of this”) whereas if you get some notice, that calculation may change.

It’s not necessarily fair, but it’s not really grounds to push back. I mean, you can always try negotiating for more, but you might not have a lot of bargaining power. Bargaining power for severance typically comes in if your employer is concerned about you suing for something (like if you had cause to believe you’d been discriminated against on the basis of race, sex, or another protected characteristic — because to get severance, you a sign a general release of claims so you can’t sue in the future) or if they agree that they’ve somehow done you wrong (like if you moved to their state for the job and were laid off a month later).

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How do I give a reference for my awful boss?

I just found out that my boss is a final-round candidate for a position elsewhere. As a result, it’s likely that people from that department will come to our department to see him in action / ask us what he’s like to work with. (I work in education, so this isn’t as weird as it might be other industries.)

Thing is, Boss is a very nice person, but a terrible manager. He’s made a number of policy choices that I really disagree with, but he’s also just a mess: not on top of things that are supposed to be his job, he can’t run a meeting to save his soul, he takes critiques ultra-personally, he plays favorites with staff…everything you want a manger NOT to do. If I’m feeling charitable, I can see where the new job might be a better fit for Boss – it seems to involve less direct management of people, for one – but the fact remains that working with him has become increasingly nightmarish over the past several years.

My colleagues are pretty much prepared to lie through their teeth to get this guy out of here. I can see where they’re coming from, but it makes me feel gross – plus, there’s no guarantee that whoever replaced Boss would be any better on a policy level. (And if I tell the truth, and my comments keep Boss from getting New Job, and he finds that out? I believe the technical term is yikes.)

So. Do I have a good way out of this – ideally one where I get rid of Boss without having to feel like I’m selling snake oil? Or should I just arrange to be “out sick” when the interviewers come around?

Ugh. It’s really your call, but I’m going to argue that the ethical thing to do here is to answer the reference-checker’s questions honestly and straightforwardly. Yes, it means that you may be stuck with your terrible boss much longer. But it means that you won’t be responsible for foisting a terrible manager on to an unsuspecting team that tried to do some due diligence about him and then got intentionally misled.

Of course, you could also argue that the reference-checkers should know that they can’t rely on your boss’s current employees to speak the truth because of the power dynamics in play, and that they should also be vetting him with lots of other sources (including even former employees who he no longer manages and who might feel more comfortable being candid).

If nothing else, though, you should at least ask the reference-checkers what systems are in place to ensure that your feedback doesn’t get back to your boss. (And frankly, even asking that will signal something, and you could possibly stop there and say that you’re just not comfortable commenting since you currently work for him. That will send a pretty strong message to anyone who knows how to pay attention.)

2. Employer announced it will fire anyone who interviews for another job

I work in a not-for-profit, private college with multiple sites. Recently, the campus presidents at these sites have told employees that if they find out that a person is interviewed for another job, the person will be automatically terminated from employment. In some cases, emails have been sent to program chairs/deans requesting that they report employees that they know who are interviewing and move to terminate them. This has never been the policy or attitude of this organization. Now employees are threatening to leave, and given time, many will leave.

Is this appropriate? Although I am not planning to leave, I get inquiries from recruiters all the time and have conversations with them. Because I interview, that does not mean that I am resigning.

Nope, it’s ridiculous, out of touch, and fairly horrid. The college expects employees to … stay there forever? No one should ever leave? They’re absolutely going to drive away good people and will have trouble attracting new good people if word gets out.

It’s gross. I urge you to push back loudly and encourage others to do the same.

3. My organization is supporting a controversial charity — should I speak up?

I work in the communications department of a quasi-governmental organization. The head of our philanthropy committee recently put forward several candidates for a benefit walk in which our organization’s employees can choose to participate later this year (entirely on a voluntary basis).

One of the organizations put forward is Autism Speaks, an organization that I consider legitimately harmful for reasons that can be found through a Google search. But more to the point, it’s controversial enough that I think it would be ill-advised for our org to be out there supporting it.

I feel like I should bring this up. The thing is, I’m not on the philanthropy committee, and presumably someone (or multiple someones) who are on it suggested Autism Speaks because they do support it. I don’t want to make anyone feel attacked by bringing this up. Is this even a legitimate point for me to bring up? If I were to mention the controversy surrounding Autism Speaks to my coworker, what would be a good way to bring it up?

Absolutely you can bring it up — anyone could, but you especially have standing since you’re in communications. I’m sure that they think it’s an uncontroversial health charity and don’t realize how very controversial it actually is (I didn’t realize it myself, until people discussed it here recently, and I think that’s pretty common for people outside of the autism community).

I’d say this: “I’m not sure if you realize this, but Autism Speaks is actually extremely controversial and considered harmful by many in the autism community. Here are a couple of links to articles that explain the concerns. I think it could be problematic for us to publicly support it, given the controversy around it, or at least that we shouldn’t be doing that without more internal discussion.”

To be clear, this isn’t about adjudicating the controversy in any way; it’s about recognizing that there is a controversy, and that sponsoring the organization is taking a stand on one side of it. That shouldn’t happen unless your leadership makes a deliberate decision to do that, with a full understanding that that’s what they’d be doing.

4. Do I have to give back my computer when I leave my job?

I worked at a place for five years. Four years ago, my computer failed and my boss bought me one that he wanted me to have because he wanted certain specs.

I became unhappy over a giant pay cut and was in talks with a headhunter for a new position. They wanted me bring coworkers with me. I talked to one about the opportunity. She told my boss, who fired me.

He said he wanted the computer back, but I have been using it as my personal computer also and he knew that all along. It was not just a work computer; it replaced my personal computer and he knew it all along. Now he says I have to take all my stuff off of it and give it back. There was nothing in writing that said I had to give it back if I left. He also told me that I could not talk to anyone still working there. Can this be legal?

Yes. If your company bought you a computer for work, it’s their property unless you had a specific agreement that you would own it, even though you were also using it for personal things. And while your former boss can’t control who you talk to now that you no longer work there (you can talk to whoever you want), he can certainly tell his current employees not to speak with you.

5. Should my resume include volunteer work with an informal organization?

I was let go from my job a couple months ago, and in addition to looking for a new position and doing some volunteer work with an established nonprofit organization, I’ve been spending a good deal of time doing some less formal volunteering activities. In particular, I’ve been working with a group of people to help create a new advocacy group surrounding a local issue. As part of this, I’ve developed a website, facilitated strategic planning meetings, ensured regular social media postings, coordinated activities, and become the “expert” in the group on the issues we are working on. Our group was even invited to represent our constituency in a city-initiated discussion process.

However, given that this is not an official nonprofit and has only been existence for a few months, is it appropriate to put on my resume? On the one hand, it demonstrates that I’m using my job skills even while I’m not working; on the other, it could be seen as more of a “hobby” type activity, since it isn’t really connected with an established organization. Also, I’m assuming that if I do put it on my resume it should go at the bottom with volunteer work, even though it is my most recent experience?

Yes, absolutely that’s appropriate to put on your resume! I’d put it in a Volunteer or Community Involvement section, rather than Work Experience, unless (a) you’re spending really significant amounts of time on it and/or (b) the work directly relates to the jobs you’re applying for. If either (a) or (b) is true, I think it’s fine to include it with the rest of your work experience.

It doesn’t really matter that it’s not a formally registered nonprofit; it’s real, it exists, and you can prove the work you’ve been doing.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I apply for a job if the posted salary is too low?

I’m currently a grad student studying public policy, and am graduating in two months. I’m hoping to work in local government in a major metropolitan area that has proven to be very difficult to break into.

The county recently posted several one-year fellowships aimed at students who will graduate with their master’s degree this summer. The position/responsibilities/potential for learning all look perfect. The only catch is that the fellowship only pays $40,000, and I don’t know that I can afford it with the amount I took out in student loans.

My career advisor thinks I should apply, and that perhaps they’ll realize through the interview/offer process that they’re low-balling the salary. You’ve posted before that individuals shouldn’t apply to positions if they know they can’t accept the salary since it’s wasting everyone’s time. I definitely don’t want to burn bridges before I even move to the area. What should I do?

Get another career advisor. This employer has done what job candidates always want employers to do — they’ve posted the salary up-front so that you can self-select out if it’s not for you. Going through the interview process only to say at the end “oh, that salary that you were clear about from the start isn’t enough for me” is not operating in good faith.

Plus, this is a government job, which means that the salary is very unlikely to change.

2. Did this interview panel think I was an overstepping upstart?

This week, I interviewed for a position in a large company that is significantly senior to the one that I currently hold at a close competitor company. I met the minimum qualifications advertised and some of the management hiring preferences. Honestly, I was a bit surprised to be called for an interview because it was such an upgrade from my current position, but also excited because I am very interested in advancing my career.

The interview turned out to be with a panel of the very highest level executives — not at all what I expected when the direct supervisor of the position, who was not on the panel at all, invited me to interview.

The panel commented that I answered several of their questions well, one exec tried cracking some jokes, and generally they seemed kind. Then, at the end of the interview, one of the highest ranking guys asked if I believed I was truly qualified because of my young age and because my experience is specialized in one particular area — the position I interviewed for requires work in that area, but also many others. And of course, at this point, everyone leaned forward. I had to admit they were right, but tried to salvage by explaining how aspects of my current position could apply to learning other areas. I didn’t get feedback on that question. I left feeling nauseated and wondering if this was a total mistake on my part.

First, I worry that I didn’t acknowledge that I knew how very senior the panelists positions were during my interview and in hindsight I’m afraid I came off as either disrespectful or just plain dumb. Second, the “do you think you’re qualified” question has freaked me out. I’m torn between hoping I’m an actual contender for the position and fear that I came off as an overreaching upstart. Maybe this job was pegged for someone else and they had to interview X number of candidates? I don’t want to hurt my chances of being hired by this particular company in the future. Should I ask them to withdraw my name from consideration? Help!

No, don’t ask them to withdraw your name! If they don’t hire you, then so be it — but there’s no reason to take yourself out of the running unless you’re no longer interested in the job.

If they didn’t think you were reasonably qualified, they wouldn’t have invited you to interview. So you met some baseline of “potentially the right person”; you were not doing anything presumptuous or overreaching by being there. They asked you to be there.

As for that guy’s question, it’s possible that he meant it in a rude way, but it’s also a perfectly reasonable line of inquiry — they want to hear you talk about why you think you’d excel at the job despite some potential obstacles. That’s not a “gotcha” or a trap.

You don’t need to acknowledge how senior your interviewers were. In fact, that would be kind of weird. You just treat them like normal people.

Overall, it sounds like you got intimidated and are letting that color your perception of the whole experience. But nothing egregious happened, let alone anything out of the ordinary, and you have nothing to feel nauseated about.

3. My boss is applying to jobs from work, and his resume is full of lies

My boss has been applying for jobs on the office computer, and I came across his CV on a file. It states that since moving to this workplace “I have been in charge of running the kitchen and have had to develop the staff, who were all untrained in the catering trade,” which is a lie as I studied at college for two years and I have been in the catering trade for nearly five years now.

I find this humiliating. I don’t know whether I should take this to HR because he’s been applying for jobs on the company computer behind their backs, I’m really stuck for what I can do because it’s degrading to me. And he’s lying on his CV about other things also, claiming that he has had to run whole business due to the fact our manager was let go and has to fulfil certain roles, which is also a lie.

I’d let it go. Your boss is apparently a resume liar, but it’s not insulting to you — he’s not saying this stuff to people who know you or will be evaluating your work.

HR certainly might care that he’s been applying to jobs from work, but it’s not really yours to deal with. I’d roll your eyes and move on.

4. Should I apply for a job that’s asking for a one-year commitment if I plan to leave before that?

I want to apply for a part-time retail job as a buyer at a local consignment shop. Since I want to go into fashion buying and I have no experience, I know this would be a perfect transition for me. I currently work full-time in an academic setting, so I have summers off. I plan to start working the part-time retail job on the weekends, then transition to more hours over the summer.

By the end of summer, I want to be applying to full-time buying jobs. Unfortunately the job requirements for the retail job include that applicants commit (they have it in bold!) to working with them for at least one year. Would it be unethical for me to apply on the grounds that I might be working with them for a year if my plans don’t pan out? Additionally, would they be able to make me stay for a year if I agree? And lastly, would I get a bad reference if I left early?

It’s not at all unreasonable for an employer to want new hires to commit to staying for a year; they’re investing time in training you, and they don’t want to do that with someone who will leave after six months.

That doesn’t mean that these sorts of commitments are legally binding; they’re typically just informal “here’s what we expect — does that work for you?” conversations. (If it were legally binding, you’d be signing a contract, and they’d probably be making a similar commitment on their end.) So, no, they can’t make you stay — but yes, you’d definitely be burning the bridge and ruining the reference if you came on with a clear understanding that they wanted you to sign on for a year, and then left at the end of the summer.

Sometimes people make this kind of commitment but then something comes up that prevents them from keeping it, like a health issue or a move. Reasonable employers understand that. They will not understand you operating in bad faith from the very start, which is what this would be. (I see your point that you might be working with them for a year if your plans don’t pan out, but I don’t think that’s a loophole; you’d be accepting the job hoping and intending to do the opposite of what you’d be committing to.)

5. I missed an application deadline by 20 minutes

I’m a college junior and I have this PR internship I really want for over the summer. The writing test, a cover letter, and a resume was due through email by Friday, March 11. This week is currently my spring break and I went to New Orleans, which is an hour behind where I’m originally from. I didn’t really think about this until it was too late and I submitted my email 20 minutes past midnight on Friday, March 11. Do you think that I’ll automatically get skipped over and not given a chance because my email was submitted past midnight on Friday, which is technically Saturday?

I doubt it. It’s possible — some people are really rigid sticklers about this kind of thing — but most aren’t.

That said, it’s smart to apply earlier when you can (recognizing that you might not always be able to), because sometimes application deadlines are misleading. (More on that here.)