Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should you call in sick for a cold?

I’ve always read (I’m sure including advice from you) that you should call in sick if a) you’re too sick to be productive or b) you’re contagious. Does this mean you should call in sick for a cold? That seems extreme to me, but a cold is certainly contagious–especially the first few days, which I usually spend at work waiting to see if I get worse before pulling the trigger on calling in sick. And would your advice be different for someone who’s been on the job three months vs. a year?

Ugh. There’s no one blanket answer here, because it depends on how sick you feel/how bad the cold is (for example, sniffles versus awake all night coughing), how likely you are to be productive, how much time off you’ve taken lately and how much you have remaining to you, whether or not you have some Super Important Thing to do at work that day, and your workplace’s general culture about sick days. There are some places where people would be annoyed if you didn’t stay home, and there are others where it would raise eyebrows if you did.

I would love to say that you should always stay home if you’ve got anything beyond mild sniffles, but the reality is that that doesn’t work in all work cultures, so you really have to know your own office. But telecommuting is a good option if it’s available to you and you feel well enough for that (you may not, depending on the cold).

As for being on the job three months versus a year — I’d say the same advice applies. If you’re brand new to the job, like first couple of weeks, I’d try to go in if possible, but even then, if you’re truly ill, a decent boss is going to understand that and want you to stay home.

2. Saying no to optional after-hours work activities

How do you recommend turning down people when they “ask” you to participate in work activities (meetings, focus groups, events, etc.) that are after work and not technically part of your responsibilities?

This seems to happen to me semi-often lately, where I’ll be “invited” to join a meeting or focus group or event outside of work by someone who is not my boss, but usually the head of another department. Instead of asking this in a way that is more like “would you be interested in this / would you want to come to this,” it’s always phrased more like “this is happening, will we see you there?” (with the implicit assumption that I will want to come, and that my answer is assumed to be yes and the only reason I’d say no is because I am otherwise busy). If it were my boss suggesting networking things or growth opportunities, I would totally say yes, but it’s not my boss at all, just someone in another department who wants my input.

I do like my job and am invested in it, but between my anxiety and depression I am often already at the end of my energy for the day after eight hours, which means I really don’t have the energy to stay late, let alone handle 1-2 hours of being active in a meeting with mostly-strangers. Unfortunately, my anxiety also makes it harder for me to just say no to things like this, because I get anxious over it, and also feel guilty whenever I have to say no to something. What do you recommend? Should I just lie and say I’m busy? (In some cases, I’ve turned down an event by claiming to have plans, only for it to be rescheduled to a new date.) Is there a better way to get out of this than saying “sorry, but I’m not interested” when my interest has already been assumed? Should I try just saying “sorry, I can’t make it” without needing to give a reason why? Or should I just buck up somehow and go anyway?

“Sorry, I can’t make it” is perfectly reasonable. Some variations, especially to guard against the assumption that you’ll come if it ends up rescheduled for a different date, are “I’m swamped right now, so won’t be able to join you” and “I’ve got a bunch of after-work commitments right now so won’t be there.” But really, “can’t make it” is fine on its own.

People — or at least, halfway reasonable people — understand that people have lives outside of work, and that if you schedule something for an evening or weekend, they might not be able to attend.

This isn’t even your boss asking, so the level of obligation you have to try to make it work is pretty low. I’d just say no to stuff you don’t want to attend, assume it’s fine, and not give it another thought.

The exception to that is if your job actually does require you to attend these things, but I assume that if it did, you wouldn’t be asking the question. If you’re at all unsure about that, though, you could simply ask your boss: “Hey, Jane and Fergus regularly invite me to attend after-hours events like X and Y. It often doesn’t work with my schedule and I say no, but I wanted to double check with you to make sure you don’t want me rescheduling things to be able to join them.”

3. Contacts aren’t following through on their offers of introductions

I am a recent graduate looking to break into a new industry and, on the recommendation of my career center, have been conducting informal informational interviews. So far, I believe the experience has gone well; I have learned a great deal about the prospective industry and potential career paths, while successfully creating positive contacts within the industry.

I have run into a couple issues that I would appreciate your thoughts on. Towards the end of each conversation, nearly every contact self-initiates an offer to refer me to either hiring managers or other professionals, however, almost no one actually follows up on this offer. This puts me in a strange position to continue my informational interviews. The position within the industry I am aiming for is rather small and tight-knit, so there is a very real possibility that future contacts know the people whom I have previously talked to.

Should I follow up with the original contact again about the referral? I always explicitly reference their offer in my thank-you note and definitely do not want to pester them by contacting them again.

Also, when contacting future individuals about interviews, should I mention my conversation with the people who ended up not refering me? It would be odd if they found out I had already made contact with someone they know and didn’t disclose it. On the other hand, I wasn’t referred to them by the original contact. I believe that it is essential to make as many contacts as possible in the industry via these interviews, but I am not sure how to proceed when this keeps happening.

Good lord, that sounds like a lot of informational interviews. Are these really continuing to be useful or are you doing them because you feel like you’re supposed to be? Especially in a small industry where it sounds like lots of the people you’re meeting with may know each other, I’d be cautious about not appearing to overdo it — you don’t want to be the person putting an odd amount of energy into networking meetings before you’ve held down a job in the field.

But to answer your actual questions: Nope, don’t follow up on the referral offers again. Since you’re mentioning the offer in your thank-you note, if they want to follow through on it, they will; following up on it again risks feeling too pushy. As for mentioning the people you talked to previously when reaching out to someone new, I wouldn’t — it risks coming across as name-dropping the first person to try to gain access to the second (which I realize isn’t what you intend, but it’s likely to sound that way).

4. People keep making reservations before getting PTO dates approved

How do I word “don’t get reservations unless you are approved for PTO/vacation” to the whole team without sounding insensitive? People keep telling me that they have a reservation that they already paid for.

“Please don’t make reservations that you can’t change until you’ve gotten the PTO dates approved, since I don’t want either of us in a situation where you can’t take the dates you reserved or where I feel horrible for telling you that.”

That said, is this is a situation where you really do need to reject people’s requests? Certainly in some jobs that’s necessary, but in many positions — particularly more senior or autonomous positions — it can be reasonable for people to manage their own schedules to a large degree. If you’re dealing with that sort of role, let people do that — don’t get too hung up on advance approval if there isn’t actually a real need for it.

5. When should you update LinkedIn after starting a new job?

When is the best moment to update one’s social media and LinkedIn, etc. after starting a new job? I had my first day at my new job yesterday, and after extensive searching on the internet I am more confused than before. Some say after the first day, some say after a week, and some say only after you passed the probation period, which I find quite excessive. What do you advise?

Whenever you want. There’s no reason you can’t update it as soon as you’ve started work — first day, first week, first month, really doesn’t matter — and anyone advising waiting until after the probation period is ridiculous. (I assume their thinking is that if you end up getting fired, having to change the job info publicly might be embarrassing, but it’s really not necessary to be that cautious.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Our personality types are hung on a wall and being shared outside our division

Every year over the last five years, the head of my division has conducted an off-site retreat for my team of 15. The primary focus of the retreat is to take personality tests and figure out how our different work styles mesh. Even five years later, I actually enjoy this exercise as it gives me much to think about in how I approach members of my team with different personality types.

This year at our offsite, a chart was drawn up and everyone’s personality types and corresponding initials were dotted on a spectrum. The problem vis-a-vis other years is that now this chart is hung in our office for everyone to see, even colleagues who are not in our division. A colleague also asked to have copies made so everyone could have one in their offices. I feel uncomfortable with both of these situations and have voiced my concerns as such, saying that I feel like I’m being pigeon-holed into a certain type and this isn’t anyone else in our organization’s business. Am I being overly sensitive (which according to the test, could be a personality trait of mine)?

I’d be pretty put off by it too, and I don’t think that’s unreasonable. It’s not the biggest workplace invasion of privacy ever, but it’s still taking fairly personal information about you and making it more public than you signed up for.

I’d say this: “I find the personality information useful and interesting, but I’d rather our types not be circulated around the broader office or hung on the wall. It feels too much like being reduced to a type, especially with people who weren’t part of the initial exercise. I’d like to remove it from the wall, if that’s okay.”

2. I anonymously paid some customers’ bills — and my company told me not to do it again

I’ve worked at a company for four years. We provide recurring services to customers. In that time, I’ve come to know certain customers fairly well. I recently decided to anonymously pay two customers’ account balances, as I know they had fallen on hard times. I didn’t want them receiving any extra collection calls on top of their already tough times. I’ve done this before, on an anonymous basis, with other companies to help friends in need and have never been denied paying by those companies. I’ve also had some of my various bills paid anonymously.

Nobody at my company asked me to pay the bill, but when managers caught wind of what I’d done, they asked that I don’t do it again. I wasn’t trying to keep it secret from my employer, I just didn’t think to ask their permission.

I will not pay a balance again, but my employer seemed oddly upset, to the point where I feel I did something wrong. Could my paying off collection accounts hurt my employer?

I’m interested to hear other opinions on this, but I can see where they’re coming from. While you see this as something you did as a private individual, your employer sees you as a representative of the company (which is fair, especially since you knew the account information because of the work you do). So it’s not really as simple as “I paid a stranger’s bill.” To your company, it’s more like “a company rep — therefore, sort of the company — paid the bill.”

That can cause problems because it’s possible that other customers will ask for the same assistance (not realizing that it didn’t come from the company but from an individual person) or that the same customers may ask for help again in the future. They could also be worried about unfairness — that “the company” helped out Customer X but not Customer Y who’s in a bad situation too (maybe even a worse one). That could even lead to bad PR at some point — for example, imagine if the story got reported as “Teapots Inc. zeroed out the bill of a well-off customer who fell on hard times, but refused to help a low-income widow.”

Basically, your company has to think about this from a broader perspective that can make things more complicated. But what you did was really nice, and I doubt your company is going to hold it against you as long as you comply with their request in the future.

3. I know my interviewer from high school

Your cover letter and resume tips have landed me a phone interview next week with a great company! The only problem is, the person I will be speaking with is someone I went to high school with and vaguely know, but am not sure if they are also aware that we went to high school together. For reference, we graduated in 2009, had one class together, and I don’t think ever spoke with one another. I’m exceptionally good with names and faces, which is why I recognized their unique name. Since I was very quiet in high school, I doubt I stood out to them.

If this was an in-person interview, I would probably mention it, but since this will be on the phone, do I bring it up? Do you think this connection will harm or help me?

You’ll get different advice from different people on this because there’s no one right answer, but personally, I wouldn’t bring it up. Unlike some interviewers, I’m actually less likely to want to hire someone I know — even someone I know only a little bit — because I think it brings a bunch of potential complications (like the awkwardness if they get hired and then don’t work out). So if I were interviewing someone I went to high school with, I’d be extra rigorous about ensuring that they met a really, really high bar before I moved them forward in the process. I am almost certainly in the minority on this though.

4. How should I handle this post-pregnancy policy that will ask about past drug use?

When I was in college (specifically, this was around 2010-2011), I smoked marijuana a couple of times (literally, two). When I overslept for an 11 a.m. work shift, I figured I’d probably had enough of that. Although I don’t think it should be illegal, I have not used it since.

Fast forward to now. I’m a chemistry degree holder in a rural area where the job opportunities for chemists are few and far between. I am currently employed as an admin with my state government. Let’s just say it’s not California and it’s not terribly marijuana-friendly. I saw a job posting for our State Highway Patrol for a criminalist position, for which I appear qualified according to the job posting. It’s a significant pay increase with similar hours and benefits to my current position. I think I have a real chance at the job.

However, after I submitted my application, I read another posting with more details about the position. Turns out, they do a polygraph test as a matter of routine, and they list the areas covered, which includes “past and current illegal drug usage.” I’m not considering lying on the polygraph, as that’s a matter of integrity, not to mention I’m not a great liar and would certainly be caught due to my stress level.

Here’s the rub: I’m five months pregnant, and the posting explicitly states that pregnant candidates will not be tested until after the birth of the baby (that’s around July for me). So in theory, I could be hired in the position without this ever coming up; but then they would come back and do the test later, and of course I could be fired. I feel like I should bring this up proactively, probably at the offer stage, but I’m not sure how to go about it. Or should I just pull out of the hiring process altogether? I don’t necessarily want this information to get back to my state agency either.

My understanding of how this works — at least for security clearances — is that you can get in trouble if you lie about it and they find out about it later, but that you’re very, very unlikely to be denied the job for just telling the truth and admitting that you smoked pot twice years ago. (Otherwise far fewer people would be able to get a security clearance.)

I’d say this at the offer stage: “Since my polygraph won’t be until after July because of my pregnancy and I don’t want this to cause problems down the road, I want to be up-front with you about the fact that I used marijuana twice in college, and it’s something I imagine will come up on the polygraph. Obviously, I shouldn’t accept the job if that will end up being an issue. What’s the best way to proceed?”

Read an update to this letter here.

5. Update: Minimizing the impact of my medical condition on coworkers

I wrote in recently asking about talking to my employer about a chronic medical condition. I thought my boss was concerned with me calling off sick so much, but he actually said it’s fine for me to call in and the main thing causing problems was the days I come in unable do an acceptable job. From now on, I’ll be quicker to call in sick when I actually need to. I also talked to a doctor about symptom management, and started a medication that’s really improved my quality of life and work. Thanks to you and the commenters for the good advice!

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Can I explain in job interviews that our social media presence isn’t reflective of my work?

I work in communications and am currently searching for a new job. I anticipate that as part of its due diligence, any organization considering me will review the websites, media center, blogs, and social media channels of my current company to get a sense of the quality of my work. I’m proud of my work and accomplishments, and I have a lot of successes and great metrics to show for my career. However, our social media presence is not a good reflection of my skills. The reason is that I do not have complete control over what gets posted. The president of my company posts whatever he wants, whenever he wants (I have presented evidence, reasoned, requested, begged, pleaded, and attempted to compromise, but that’s advice I’ll seek another day). Some of his content is excellent, but a lot of his posts aren’t consistent with best practices or my evidence-based strategy.

Is there a delicate way to bring this up in an interview without seeming too negative about my current employer and without making me look incompetent for being unable to manage the situation? For what it’s worth, my boss is known for his unusual leadership style and in the only interview I’ve had so far, my interviewer actually brought up his reputation. I pivoted away from the topic because it’s not the reason I’m seeking new opportunities.

I would say: “I don’t have full control over our social media presence, and there are things I’d change about it if we did. Our president likes to have direct access to post on his own, but I’d be glad to email you a portfolio of some of the pieces I’ve done, so that you can see the elements that are my work.”

You might also look for ways to work it into answers to questions where it’s relevant. For instance, if you’re asked to talk about social media strategy overall, you might include a mention of how important it is to have a unified, cohesive strategy with buy-in from above, and you could add that that’s something your current organization is still grappling with.

2. I’ll be out of town during the only week of interviews for a job I’m interested in

I’m applying for a position with a start-up for which my skills and past experience are an excellent fit. In the job description, there is an application deadline as well as a date range for the week that interviews will be conducted. I will be out of town during the entire week they’ll be interviewing (the trip is both expensive and important to my career and I can’t imagine canceling it now).

Should I disclose that I will be unavailable during their interview week in my cover letter/application? Or will this disqualify me immediately? If I leave it out and they do call me in for an interview, will they resent that I wasn’t upfront about my travel plans earlier? The position is likely to receive a large volume of applications and I am worried that if I am upfront about my absence they won’t think twice about throwing out my whole application without giving it a second thought. What do you think?

This is tricky, because if they listed those dates in the ad, they’re probably pretty committed to them. However, it’s also possible that if you’re a strong enough candidate, they’d be willing to talk with you outside of those dates. (It’s also possible that they won’t be, but you can’t know for sure from the outside.)

So it really comes down to how annoyed they’ll be if you don’t disclose it up-front. I could argue this either way, but ultimately I’d say that in the interest of operating in good faith, you should mention it in your cover letter. That does come with the risk that they’ll reject you immediately when they might not have if you waited, but I prefer that risk to the risk of you looking like you’re deliberating withholding relevant information in the hope that it will benefit you.

However, if it looks like applications are going to HR, you might try to reach out to the hiring manager directly to say “I’ll be away during the week you’re interviewing, but I wanted to connect because I’d love to talk with you about this type of role in the future.” Attach your resume. You never know. I don’t normally recommend going around clearly-stated application processes, but in this case you’d be doing it in the framework of “I can’t apply this time but maybe you’d be interested in connecting in the future.” And maybe the person would be, or maybe they’ll think you look strong enough that they’ll want you in their process for this round. Or maybe nothing, who knows. But it’s worth a shot.

3. How to thank a current manager when leaving a job

What is your take on thank-you notes to current (soon to be past) managers? I am moving on from my current position to another one within the same building in a different group. My current manager has only been my boss for about a year but has been very supportive. He came in after I had been in my current job for five years and was getting pretty antsy. He is my fourth boss while in this position, and I can honestly say the best boss that I have ever had. I have tried to make it clear that he has not contributed to me leaving, but I wanted to let him know how much I appreciated working with him. Is that weird? I don’t want to seem like I am sucking up, but I genuinely enjoyed working with him and respect his leadership and knowledge. I hate that most of the time I worked with him I basically had my foot out the door. Thoughts?

Yes, yes, yes, write him a note about how much you’ve appreciated working with him and why. Managers, even good ones, don’t hear this nearly enough, and it makes a huge impression when someone takes the time to say it, especially in writing. I have notes like that from years ago that I still hang on to. Send it!

4. My thank-you emails were full of weird, extraneous line spaces

I just had an interview with my dream company, and I feel like I did a great job. I followed up the next day with a short thank-you email to each of the people on the interview panel. I followed your advice of building on the conversation from the actual interview. I drafted them in Word first and sent them from my Gmail account. I was feeling great.

Then I realized, after reading another thread you did on a similar question, that the formatting might come out odd going from Gmail to their Outlook inbox. I tested it, and it does look different in Outlook, but it’s not awful – it just looks like I put multiple spaces between paragraphs and the greeting and closing. This is still something I would never intentionally do, and I think it does look strange. I’m afraid it may look like I don’t know how to properly format an email correspondence.

Am I overthinking this or should I reply and explain why the spacing is odd? Also, I sent the emails yesterday, so I’m wondering if following up now wouldn’t help my case because it’s too long of a lag in catching my mistake.

You are over-thinking it. Most people are used to seeing weird spacing in emails occasionally, and most know that it comes from a weird formatting conversion rather than that you intentionally left four line spaces between every paragraph. You don’t need to follow up to explain (and would risk coming across as a little neurotic if you did, not that there’s anything wrong with neurotic).

That said, if you want to avoid it in the future, it’s smart to use the “convert to plain text” option in Gmail if you paste text in from another program, and that should prevent it from happening.