Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Attending an employee’s wedding

I see a lot of conversation on your site about whether or not you should invite your boss to your wedding, but I find myself in the opposite situation. My employee invited me to her wedding, which is coming up in a few months. What are the expectations around my attendance?

I manage her and one other employee, and she invited us both (plus guests). Our team has a really good dynamic — great communication, very productive. We get along great, but don’t socialize outside of the office. I try to respect their boundaries as much as possible in that respect. Am I expected to go? To not go? What’s your advice on how to handle?

I don’t think there are hard and fast rules here; rather, I’d decide based on the relationship and your best guess about what she’s hoping for. If your knowledge of her and the relationship says that it’s a genuine invitation that she’s hoping you’ll accept, and if you’d genuinely like to go, you can accept! On the other hand, if you think there’s a decent chance that she felt obligated to invite you (possible on a small team where she’s inviting the other person) and/or if you’d rather not attend, you can graciously bow out due to a conflict with the date (and get her a nice wedding gift).

2. Client is demanding that I work from his office

I’m a marketing consultant and I currently have a client who is demanding I work ONLY from his office. This was never discussed before he brought me in. I’m a 1099 contractor, and I was clear that I would work remotely (from home) and attend meetings as needed with advance notice. After one month, he is now asking me to only do work from his office, which is very unproductive. He is a huge distraction. He takes two hours to say what could have been explained in five minutes. He repeats himself a lot. Plus, I have a team that helps on certain tasks for me (e.g., coding and programing) and I can’t bring them with me!

I don’t know how to tell him I will not cater to his request without being harsh or incurring the wrath of the client.

“Xavier, you’ve asked me to work from your office a few times recently, so I wanted to make sure that you realize that I don’t do that. It’s like I explained when we started working together — as a consultant, I can attend occasional meetings, but the majority of the time, I work from my own workspace.”

Be direct and don’t sound annoyed, just pleasantly matter-of-fact. If he continues to push after this, you should hold firm in response, and at some point may need to say, “It sounds like you’re looking for more of an on-site employee than a contractor. Knowing that I work remotely, does it make sense to continue to work together?” (Of course, if you say this, you’d need to be prepared for the answer to be no!)

3. Should we ask our intern to be part of a gift to our boss?

I am in a small group of close-knit people, and our boss is moving on to a different position in another country. We have all decided on a gift for him, but a debate has started as to whether or not to include the intern in the gift giving process. Our intern has been with us for about six months, and we are split down the middle as to if we should approach him on this. He was included in our Christmas gift giving if that needs to be taken into consideration.

The principle here is to avoid making people feel pressured to spend money on a gift for a manager, especially when they make less money than you or the gift recipient. And it doesn’t matter how much you stress that he’s under no obligation to contribute; lots of people will feel obligated to contribute anyway.

So — don’t ask him for money toward the gift, but do ask him if he’d like to sign the card (assuming there’s an accompanying gift) and don’t do anything to distinguish between the gift-givers and the card-signers. (In other words, present the gift as from all of you, rather than the gift being from one group and the card being from another.) You could say it to him this way: “Hey, we’re giving Fergus this amazing rice sculpture that we found on Etsy. We’ve got the price of the gift covered, but would you like to sign the card and be part of the presentation when we unveil it for him?”

4. Should I lie to my boss about my commitment level?

I’m currently in a leadership position within a small, growing company where I report directly to the CEO/founder. Lately my boss has been talking to me a lot about elevating my role to a more executive level, and about my taking on some new and interesting initiatives which, frankly, are very much in line with my career history and vision for my own growth. It all sounds great, right? There’s one problem though. In these discussions about my future role, which are occurring almost daily at this point, my boss asks me where my heart is in terms of committing to the company and seeing his vision through into the next phase of our growth and beyond. While this is flattering, the reality is that I’m not happy at this company and have begun a job search. My experience with my company and my boss is that he makes lots of promises about change, but in reality he delivers on very little of what he promises.

I legitimately like my boss as a person and don’t want to lie to him, but what choice do I have? When he basically asks me point-blank if I’m committed to staying, am I wrong to tell him that I absolutely am, even though I know it’s not true? I have a family to support and am not in a position to lose this job or to walk away before I have something else lined up. So is lying really my best option here? I don’t feel great about it, but I can’t think of any viable alternatives.

This depends totally on what you know of your manager and how he’d handle hearing the truth. How has he handled other employees who resign or are job searching? Are people shown the door immediately? Pushed out earlier than they would have otherwise planned to leave? Or have people talked openly with him when they’re ready to leave and he’s been supportive of that? If he has a track record of being reasonable in this area, and you have a strong relationship with him, you might be able to tell him that you don’t think you’ll be there long-term. But if he doesn’t — or if you’re just not sure or have any doubts — it’s reasonable to act accordingly.

One possible middle ground, though, would be to say, “I want to pause our discussions about this for a while, to give myself some time to think over what you’ve suggested. If I commit, I want you to really be able to count on my word, and I want to ensure I have enough time to be thoughtful about making sure it’s the right path for me.” This may or may not work, depending on what he’s like, but it’s a reasonable thing to say.

5. Applying for two pretty different jobs at the same organization

I’m out of work, and my unemployment may be expiring in two weeks. So I’m desperate. Finding roles that I come close to qualifying for is a rare thing. (Quick background if it helps – was let go after a year and half in an accounting/admin position, and have been doing admin or customer service since I graduated with my BA in English.)

Through Idealist.org, I found a position that would be a long reach for me that I would love to get, writer for their online content/social media stuffs. Idealist lets you go back to the employer page and see their other positions. There I found an opening for a secretary that I my experience would make me look much better for, that I would be comfortable in and glad to have – again the desperation.

In situations like this, is it okay to apply to both positions and just go with whichever they call me in for, or would seeing that I am applying to the lesser position make me seem like I am not confident/qualified enough to do the more complicated/higher paying one?

Ideally you wouldn’t apply for two very different positions, because it can make you look scattered and like you’re just applying for anything you might be qualified for (which is sometimes the case, but employers generally don’t love that). In your case, because you’re feeling desperate, I’d apply for the one you’re a better match for over the long shot. They’re likely to have a lot of candidates for the content/social media job, so I’d focus on making yourself the absolute strongest candidate you can for the one where your professional experience is a better match.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I constantly have to open the door for coworkers from another floor

Our office staff works behind a locked door, to protect customer information (we deal heavily with personal data and banking info in our sales process). The admin function all happens upstairs, away from customers, and only those of us who work upstairs have access. Before you hit the locked door, you pass several offices, including mine, which is closest to the door. Downstairs folk come up frequently to deal with issues and hand in paperwork, and have to be let in.

Since I moved into this office, I’ve been relegated to door-opener, and I’m losing my mind. If I’m not here, they knock on the door until someone opens it, but if I am, they typically stare at me until I get up and open the door for them. If I ignore them or tell them to knock, my boss, who is in the office next door, gets up and lets them in, and I feel guilty for him being interrupted.

What the heck do I do about this? I’m being interrupted probably 10-30 times a day to open a door, but it’s bad security to give the door code out to everyone in the building even though these people have legitimate reasons to go into the office. Sometimes I fake a phone call if I hear someone coming up the stairs, but even if my door is closed, often people knock on my window and gesture at the door. I also don’t want my boss to think I’m being unhelpful or lazy, but I’m going crazy.

Talk to your boss! It’s not unhelpful or lazy to say “this is regularly interrupting my work and impeding my focus”; your boss presumably wants you to be able to focus on the work you’re there to do.

That said, it sounds like a terrible system: people regularly need to get into a locked area but can’t have their own keys, and there’s no one whose job is specifically to deal with the interruptions. When you talk to your boss, it might be worth seeing if any of those factors can be changed. Is there an admin on your team who can be charged with opening the door (and maybe relocated to be closer to it)? Can the downstairs people sign out a key when they need one (with some sort of security attached to the check-out system)? Something else?

2. Was this bad interview experience a test?

I graduated in August and have been job hunting ever since. Even though I hadn’t applied there, I was contacted by an oil company that has a connection to my alma mater to come in for a general interview yesterday. Naturally the refinery is on the outskirts of the city, and it took me three and a half hours to get there, but I managed to be on time for my interview at 1 p.m. I waited for three and a half hours for the interview. One hour was allocated for an English exam that I had not been informed about (I live in a non-English-speaking country), but that still leaves two and half hours of just waiting in an empty conference room. As it is a safety hazard, we were not allowed to take our cellphones in with us and there was nothing to do or read while we waited. From the other candidates, I also found out that they had double booked each time slot.

I hadn’t had anything to eat other than a banana in the morning and I was fading when they were ready to see me at 4:30 p.m. As you can imagine, the interview went very poorly. It became obvious that they only called me because they saw the name of my alma mater on my resume and that they thought my master’s in a different but related field was just wasted time. I knew immidiately that they would not hire me, and indeed this morning they sent me an email telling me that.

I’m wondering if the waiting was a test or if they are just that bad at time management. This is supposed to be one of the best companies to work for in my country as a chemical engineer and in fact they are the only oil company we have. I really don’t want to believe they are this disrespectful and/or incompetent. I also can’t help but think they’re taking advantage of the bad job market because they know we really need the jobs so we won’t say anything. Do companies do this sort of thing on purpose?

It’s highly unlikely that the waiting was a test. It’s far more likely that they’re just inconsiderate of people’s time, or something went wrong in the scheduling, or some scheduling conflict came up at the last minute (like they planned to have four interviewers and two were out sick).

For what it’s worth, while they handled this poorly, that banana is on you — with a 1 p.m. interview, it’s reasonable to think you might be there much of the afternoon. Next time, eat beforehand!

3. Does being a guild leader count as management experience?

Many jobs ask for supervisory experience, such as leading a team, managing goals, etc. While I have no professional or volunteer experience in management, I do have unconventional experience. I am a big gamer, and one aspect of many games is guilds. As a guild leader, one is responsible for the behavior for the team, setting goals for each member, team building, interviewing and electing officials to help moderate the team and carry out various duties as asked, following up with members on a one to one basis to ensure goals are being met, and if not, what actions should be taken to help the team member and the guild grow as a team. In essence, being a guild leader in these games gives a lot of practical, real life experience.

Would it be acceptable to use this unconventional experience to apply for jobs, and if so, how would I fit it into a resume or application?

No. It’s totally possible that being a guild leader gives you more substantial management experience than I realize, but the majority of hiring managers are going to be like me — unfamiliar with it — and will think it shows a naivete about what managing actually involves.

4. Choosing between a job and a long vacation

Am I stupid for thinking about not taking a job because I would probably not be able to take a long vacation that was approved by my current manager?

This is my first corporate job out of college. I have been here almost three years and I like it. Best part: generous vacation day handling by my boss. He approved two months for this summer.

Recently, I was approached by another manager from another division. The job would be a step up the ladder, but I know from the nature of the job that taking so much time off (especially during summer – in the first couple of months of me being there) is not an option. Is there another alternative I don’t see yet?

If you’re sure the time off absolutely wouldn’t be okay, then the only other real option would be to see if you could wait to start until after the vacation (although your current boss might not be thrilled about you disappearing for two months and then disappearing for good, so that might not be workable either).

But sometimes people think something is impossible when it actually isn’t. It’s possible that the new manager wants to hire you enough that she’d be willing to okay that previously-scheduled vacation, and it might make sense to just tell her about the situation and see what she says. You’d want to be prepared for what to do if she says no (i.e., are you willing to lose the job offer over it, or would you rather cancel the vacation?) but — depending on the context, which unfortunately I don’t know — it might make sense to at least raise it. If you decide to, I’d say it like this: “I’m really excited about the possibility of this job. I have a weird situation, in that I’ve scheduled a trip for all of June and July and already bought tickets. I realize that might be prohibitive for this job, but wanted to check with you to see if there would be any way to make it work.”

5. Is this interview process really just a formality?

Recently we had an unexpected vacancy in our small department, when the full-time teapot clerk left. I am the part-time teapot clerk and have been there a year. Wen the full-time clerk left, my boss told me that HR would be contacted, and I would be given that full-time role because I was a great worker and deserved it. I have been working the full-time hours while waiting on word of the official promotion.

Several days ago, my boss comes up to me and says HR will not just let them put me in the position. They have to advertise and interview for it. I am really upset now. I have worked very hard to get this, and now there’s a chance I won’t get this great opportunity that would double my salary and allow me to have health insurance. Is this a normal thing to do?

I know you have to interview if you change jobs at a company, but this is the same job, just more hours! My boss says the interview process is just a formality, but I can’t help but worry they might find someone else. Should I trust them when they say it’s a formality, or should I start looking elsewhere? I love my job, but I don’t think I would be okay with it if someone else got the position.

It’s not uncommon for companies to want to advertise positions and conduct full hiring rounds instead of just moving a current employee into the role. Sometimes it’s because they want to make sure that they’re truly hiring the best person (in which case, no, this isn’t just a formality). Other times, they’re just following internal rules, but it really might be just a formality. I don’t know which it is. But your best bet is to understand that they have rules they need to follow and that those rules aren’t particularly outrageous, and just see how it plays out.

If you’ll really be too upset to stay if you don’t get the full-time position, then sure, start looking around. But you say you love your job, and it would suck if you left a job you love and ended up somewhere you don’t like as much. I’d rather see you try to change your mindset from “horrible injustice” to “it’s not ideal, but this stuff happens.”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How to get a senior coworker to stop spamming the office email list

Could you advise on how to tell an office manager to stop spamming the entire office with random supermarket deals, random events, motivational speaker sales pitches, irrelevant travel alerts etc? It was initially a quiet joke among the rest of the staff, but there are some days where our office manager forwards us as many as five irrelevant emails in a row. Aside from clogging up our inboxes, it makes us feel like she’s not really concerned with getting her work done #judge. She’s more senior to us and is supposed to be our HR manager, so it’s a bit awkward.

Just be matter-of-fact: “Hey, Jane, would you mind not sending these to me? They’re taking up a lot of space in my in-box and making it harder for me to see work-related emails. Thanks.”

Or, “Hey, Jane, you can take me off your list for this stuff. I prefer to just use my account for work-related things. Thank you.”

2. I don’t think I can make an out-of-town interview that I already agreed to

I have an in-person interview scheduled this upcoming week on the east coast, but I might not be able to make it because I live in California. I work in finance, and personally I think this job is a great fit. This company has great culture, awesome work ethnic, and is where I would love to work.

The problem is that I can’t afford the flight tickets from west coast to east coast. The interview is scheduled earlier in the week, I’m thinking about postponing it later in the week since tickets from Wednesday – Friday are much cheaper.

Another option is to talk to my recruiter about travel reimbursement, but if she says no, then I wonder if this will affect my candidacy. Will she reject me knowing I’m out-of-state? Except the irony here, is I used to live right next to this company for years, and after sending applications I was always rejected.

How should I email my recruiter, and what should I say? Should I email her first, then call? So far, we’ve only conversed over email.

You need to contact her ASAP if you’re not going to make that interview! The employer is holding time for you, and it’s going to reflect badly on you if you cancel at the last minute, especially if it comes out that it’s because you were undecided the whole time about whether to purchase plane tickets or not. And you can’t really approach as “let’s postpone until later this week” because they may not have time available later this week.

I think you’ll have a tough time asking for travel reimbursement if they didn’t even know you weren’t local when they asked you to interview, but it’s probably your best bet at this point, given a bunch of less-than-great options. I’d say this: “I don’t know if you realized that I’m in California, but I’ve been having trouble finding a reasonably priced ticket for that date. Any chance they’d be willing to move the meeting to later in the week, when tickets are more affordable, or that they’d cover travel?”

Will she reject you for being out of state? It’s possible, but you are out of state, and trying to hide it has caused issues. She’s more likely to reject you for not being straightforward about your interview availability initially. But at this point, all you can do is be up-front and see what happens.

I’d use email for this since that seems to be her preferred method of communication, even though this is pretty urgent. But send it ASAP, like right this second.

3. Should I start job searching now or wait to hear if I get a promotion?

My boss, the head of our two person department, has resigned. Company policy is to do a full search, so it’s been posted and I’ve applied. For the last year or so, my boss has worked hard to get me to stay while they were job hunting, (reclassification and higher than average raise) but that doesn’t mean the hiring manager will decide I’m the best candidate in the pool.

If I’m not selected, I’ll move on. I’m ready for a promotion, and the company really doesn’t need someone at my level in my current position. Conceptually, I’m OK with this. It’s business, not personal. But it will certainly sting, and if they hire someone I don’t agree is more qualified, I’ll be bitter and have to expend a lot of energy hiding that from my new boss.

My question is, do I start looking at outside positions now, or wait until I hear about the promotion? Part of me wants to start now. Having other irons in the fire will increase my confidence during the interview. (As a qualified internal candidate they are required to interview me, but no preference beyond that.) And it will ease the sting if I don’t get it.

Another part of me says I should wait and see what happens before looking externally. Lots of wasted effort if I do get the promotion, and I’d be paranoid that a recruiter I talked to about the situation would send in the perfect candidate that ends up being hired instead of me. But I’m also worried that if they do decide to go external, I’ll wish I had a foot out the door already. I’m probably overthinking this. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Start now. Yes, it could end up as wasted effort if you get the promotion, but it sounds like that’s outweighed by the advantages you’ve listed here if you don’t get the promotion.

As for worrying about a recruiting using the information to send in a candidate who ends up getting the job, you don’t need to tell the recruiter your boss is leaving. Use a different reason.

4. “Present” vs. “now” on a resume

When indicating the length of time in a particular position, is it okay to say “now” instead of “present”—which I’m tempted to do just to save space?

E.g., (2013 – now) instead of (2013 – present)?

You could, but I wouldn’t. “Present” is so very much the convention and “now” is so very much not the convention that it’s likely to make you look unpolished/out of touch with professional norms. It’s a very small thing, obviously, and it’s not going to take you out of the running if you’re otherwise a good candidate, but you want to care about the overall picture that you’re presenting.

Will four letters really make that big of a difference to the space you have available?

A good rule of thumb is that if you’re resorting to stuff like this to gain space (or shrinking your margins or your font), you need to go back and pare down your content instead. More on that here.

5. How do hiring managers view job seekers who took buyouts?

Can you speak about how job seekers who have taken buyouts are viewed by hiring managers? My company recently went into downsizing mode and offered voluntary buyouts to employees based on years of service. I had been at this employer since age 21, and needed to move on with my life and career, so I was one of the younger employees to qualify, and after much consideration I accepted the offer, as I felt I needed a bit of time to regroup and dedicate time, energy, and focus to a job search, something that wouldn’t have been possible when I was working full-time. The terms of the buyout, unfortunately, didn’t offer much time to make a decision, and although I stepped up my job search immediately in my remaining month of employment, in such a short timeframe I was unable to secure another job before my buyout date.

I realize I have a number of different issues possibly complicating my job search (not employed currently, many years at one employer, etc.) but I specifically wanted to ask about how hiring managers view people who took buyouts. Do they see them negatively? Are they viewed as “greedy,” “lazy,” “tired” or having something wrong with them? How also do you gracefully bring up the subject so you can reassure a prospective employer (in cover letter or interview) that you weren’t fired or laid off, and that you left your previous employer under good terms?

No, most hiring managers aren’t likely to see you as greedy, lazy, or burned out! It’s perfectly reasonable to say, “My company was downsizing and offered voluntary buyouts, and I was ready for something new so felt like it was the right time to make a move.”

That’s really it — it’s unlikely that you’re going to need to get into it much more than that, although if someone does have questions, just answer them cheerfully and non-defensively. (There’s nothing wrong with being laid off either, for the record! If it looks like you were the only person laid off, then sure, it can raise questions about whether there were performance-based reasons for picking you, but if you were part of a larger layoff, it’s unlikely to be an issue.)