coworker is forwarding requests to my boss, do I have any shot at this job, and more

by Alison Green on December 31, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker is forwarding her requests to me over to my boss

I started my new job a few months ago, and everybody has been great compared to my old toxic workplace. However, there is one coworker who seems to think I can’t do my job – or maybe I’m just reading into it too much. For example, she will email me a request and then forward that same email to my boss in a new email with no additional notes to him. The only reason I know this is because he will reply to both of us on the forwarded email with his input. It’s possible she forgot to CC him the first time, but it’s happened more than once. We got along really well at the start, but now she acts coldly towards me and it’s become really frustrating and I feel petty being this paranoid about it. She has no say over my job but she does have far more seniority than I do.

Should I approach her about this or is it all in my head and I should let it go?

If she’s just forwarding her own requests to him and there’s no hidden subtext (like “I shouldn’t even be having to ask for this!” or “this is my third request!”), then it’s hard to see how this is her implying you can’t do your job. But I think you could just ask her about it, by saying something like, “I noticed you often forward these emails to Fergus. Should I cc him when I reply, or otherwise keep him in the loop?”

The acting coldly is more of a concern to me. I’d take that as a flag to examine whether there’s anything that she could be legitimately distancing herself over, including concerns about your work, professionalism, or responsiveness … but if you can’t spot anything on those fronts, I’d ignore it as much as you can and just be pleasant, professional, and responsive to her (and everyone) and let it be her own issue, since there’s not much else you can do at that point. (Although if there are opportunities to ask, “Hey, is there a different way you’d like me to do X?” it might draw out of her whatever’s going on … but it also might not.)

2. Should I really send my resume to the brother of a coworker of my mother-in-law?

I recently applied for a librarian position at a local university, which I casually mentioned to my in-laws over Christmas dinner. Yesterday, I received a text from my mother-in-law, asking me to email my resume to Jane (one of her coworkers), who will then forward my resume to Jane’s brother, Bob, who works in a department at the university completely unrelated to the library or the department for whom the librarian would be a liaison. I wrote a great resume and cover letter – shouldn’t that be enough? However, my husband, like my mother-in-law, thinks that it’s “worth a try” to send my resume off to Bob via Jane in the hopes that it might possibly be of some assistance. To me, it just feels weird and pointless. What do you think?

Also, about 7 years ago, I worked on a grant for the department the librarian would liaising for. My former boss is now the associate dean for that department. If I wanted to reach out to her, would it be appropriate, and if so, what do I say?

It’s possible that Bob has zero pull and sending your materials to him would be pointless, but it’s also possible that Bob has lots of standing with the hiring manager and a note from him saying “you should take a look at this candidate” would get you extra attention. For all we know, Bob mentors the hiring manager or plays soccer with him or used to job-share with him. Who knows, but there’s really no harm in doing it, and potentially something to gain. I’d do it.

As for your former boss who’s now the associate dean for the department you’re applying in, yes, definitely reach out to her. Attach a copy of your resume and cover letter and say, “I wanted to let you know that I applied for this opening in your department and would love to talk with you or (hiring manager) if it seems like it might be the right fit!”

3. Do I have any shot at this job?

Last summer, I got to the final round of interviews for a slightly-above-entry-level marketing job at a major university. I was ultimately rejected for that job, but after I asked the hiring manager (let’s call him John) for feedback, he replied with a very pleasant note, saying that I was a very strong candidate but that they decided to go with another applicant who had a more experience in higher ed. He encouraged me to keep an eye out for future openings.

Cut to today, months later. I received an email from John’s boss, who I also met during the interview phase. He said that John was leaving his position, and that he remembered enjoying meeting me when I interviewed over the summer. He encouraged me to apply for John’s newly open position.

While I am happy that he remembers me, I am wondering if I realistically have a shot. I was rejected for that junior role specifically because I didn’t have enough experience. I can’t say that much has happened in the intervening time to make me a stronger fit for the old role, much less this new, more senior one. I suppose I have nothing to lose by sending in my resume and cover letter, but I am kind of dreading the idea of going in for a lengthy interview process for a job I’m unlikely to get. That said, if I did get this job, it would be a colossal step forward in my career. Should I throw my hat in the ring?

If you don’t have much of a shot, you’re unlikely to get sucked into a lengthy interview process. By definition, if you’re far away from what they need, they’re going to realize that pretty quickly and not invest that kind of time.

Also, the fact that you were rejected for the more junior role because you didn’t have enough experience doesn’t actually mean that you can’t be the right fit for this role. It’s possible that you did have a reasonable amount of experience for that role but someone else just had more. It’s also possible that the senior role requires experience in different things, and that you have that. Or even that they simply liked you and are willing to see if they could make this position work.

You have nothing to lose here, other than the amount of time it will take to apply. You should do it.

4. Hiring manager from previous interview is the new manager at another position I’m applying to

I interviewed for a position a few months ago, but after several rounds of meetings and a promising outcome, the hiring process for the position stopped. The hiring manager I was meeting with had resigned, so the company was no able to go forward with a hiring more junior position when the senior position needed to be filled.

Fast forward a few months, and a new opportunity has come up for a position at another company that I am very interested in working for. After researching on LinkedIn, I see that the hiring manager at this company is the old manager who I had been meeting with at the previous company who had left!

I am wondering how to approach this situation since we’ve already met and she has interviewed me for essentially the same role, but in a competing company. Do I write to her directly or go through the normal application process? If I get called in for an interview, do I simply laugh it off as coincidence or should I let her know I was aware of the change in her employment and an excited to meet again?

Apply through the normal application process, but then send her an email letting you know that you did. I’d say something like this: “Jane, I just saw that you’re the new teapots director at Teapots Inc. — congratulations on the new role! I really enjoyed our conversations about the teapot analyst role at Tea World before you left, and I thought I should drop you a note to let you know that I’ve applied for the teapots coordinator position with Teapots Inc. (I applied through your website, but I’m also attaching my materials here in case that’s helpful). I’d love to talk with you if you think it might be the right match.”

Definitely don’t just pretend you don’t know. It’s possible that her prior conversations with you will give you a leg up, or that she can save you some time if she knows it’s not the right fit.

5. Am I supposed to reply to this thank-you note from an SVP at my company?

I am a trainer at a call center. I recently received recognition for being a high performer, and the senior vice president sent me a thank-you note, including his business card. I appreciate the note, but I don’t know whether I’m expected to do anything with the business card. Should I contact him in some way or is sending business cards just something executives do? I’ve never met him in person.

It’s pretty common for people to slip a business card into communications like that, to provide their contact information. It doesn’t mean you’re expected to contact them; it’s more “here’s my info in case you ever need it.” That said, it would be gracious for you to send him a quick email letting him know how much you appreciated his note.

You may also like:
{ 68 comments }

5 more updates from letter-writers

by Alison Green on December 30, 2015

Here are five updates from letter-writers who had their questions answered here this year.

1. My assistant won’t tell me when she’s going to be out sick

I ended up having to fire her four months later. After you answered my question, I spoke with her and made it clear what my expectations were. As previously, she expressed regret and said she completely understood what was expected. A few months later, she was sick, and just barely followed my instructions about notifying me – sending two-word emails each morning (“out sick” and “still sick”) with nothing further as to when she’d be back, how serious it was, nothing. She didn’t respond to my email or phone call, and ended up being out for an entire week. Now it was a matter of not being able to depend on her to do her job, and on the subsequent Monday I called and left her a voicemail telling her she was fired (I didn’t want to do it via voicemail, but had no other choice). She didn’t check her voicemail until the next shift she was scheduled for (two days later) and called me in tears, begging for her job back. Truthfully, the entire thing completely shocked me; never in my experience have I known anyone (older than 20) to treat their job with such indifference.

On a side note, I want to say that your pointing out that my instructions were being ignored opened my eyes to the fact that she was doing that in other areas too — doing things how she thought they should be done, regardless of the fact I had told her I wanted them done a certain way. When I was interviewing for her replacement, I was clear to candidates that was vital. I am now more conscious of it and made it clear to my new hire from the get-go. So thank you for your advice, it really did make me a better manager!

2. My manager thinks I’m late when I’m not (#5 at the link)

Good morning Alison! Thanks to all for the excellent advice. Kudos to Katie the Fed and Turanga Leela for best advice ever!

The boss’s zeal to crack down on perceived lateness lasted about three days. One morning, she was leaning against the wall with a clipboard, commenting as we all went by “You’re on time, you’re late, you’re late” etc. And then it was back to not really caring.

Her latest endeavor? Boss needed to talk with one of the staff members, so rather than picking up the phone or walking over to her office, Boss asked two different people to tell Mariposa to call her. Somehow Mariposa never got the message and Boss says, “OMG, we have a major communication problem around here.” As a solution, Boss decided we needed to leave Post-it notes at our desks at all times, detailing where we ran off to, so she would know exactly where to find us. Which would be somewhat helpful…if she would ever leave her office to check in with the staff. Luckily that lasted for about a week before she lost interest.

I am looking for a new gig and thinking about going back to school. Whatever I decide, I will leave AAM a Post-it note so you know where to find me : )

3. When a candidate asks for more money a week after accepting an offer

I don’t know what is going on, but this continues to be a problem. We had three positions open. Two people accepted, started right away, and are doing fine. However, since I wrote this letter, we have had two other people accept, ask us to hold a position so that they could give extended notice and then take a week or two off before starting, and then attempted to renegotiate before they came in. So, this has now happened to us a staggering three times.

It really sucks from an employer’s perspective because we declined other qualified candidates, held a position open, continued to get bombarded with work, and then found ourselves back at square one months later. Personally, I think people are accepting offers, getting long lead times on the start date, and then leveraging them against other positions while they continue to interview.

It is a really crappy thing to do and I can’t tell if this is the “new normal” and/or if someone out there is advising people to do it. But I really can’t see it happening the other way around. Could you seriously picture a candidate giving notice at their existing job, stop working, and then just before starting having the employer call back to say it realized the offer was too generous and was going to trim it by 20%?

My advice to interviewees: Your working career is a 50-year marathon, not a sprint. What you say and do can affect you for years to come, possibly decades. These three individuals have had their names forever committed to memory and will not only be ineligible in the future, they will likely be ineligible at other locations if anyone from this firm leaves and goes somewhere else.

4. Did I violate work-friends protocol?

Alison, you were correct about this. I was being a bit paranoid and my work-friend is very much not a plan initiator. I haven’t noticed any fake phone calls either. My update (over a year later) is that we are friend-friends now and I’m really glad to have met her. I’m probably a bit overly pushy, but still not in Keith Hernandez territory. And we haven’t done anything mentioned in the original post, which is totally fine and normal: no helping moving, no sleepovers, no bridesmaids, no holidays.

That said, one of the highlights of my year was a team bike ride and this friend was one of my teammates and it was awesome and tons of fun! And yes, I initiated the bike ride.

Thanks to all the reader suggestions about meeting people in a new city; that was definitely adding to my anxiety about the situation. In general, I have no problems meeting people but finding people I super connect with is – for me – much harder.

I’m hoping we stay in touch in the future. I’m leaving my job soon so we can’t remain work-friends.

5. I don’t have experience with a program my interviewers want, but I’ve been studying it (#4 at the link)

My update is a happy one. I took your advice almost word for word, and scored an entry-level position with the company I really wanted to work for. I feel like I’ve really grown here. While work is work, my time here has been the best time I’ve ever spent working.

As a matter of fact, I’ve was given a promotion after 8 months in the entry-level position I was hired-on in! I’ve only been in this new position for a month or so, but I’m enjoying it a lot! I owe it all to you and your community’s advice. Thank you!

You may also like:
{ 63 comments }

8 new year’s resolutions for employers

by Alison Green on December 30, 2015

Employers at this time of year might be hoping that their employees are making new year’s resolutions to set clearer goals, work more efficiently, or stop spending so much work time hanging out on Facebook. But what about new year’s resolutions for the employers themselves? Here are eight resolutions for employers that could significantly improve both their workplaces and work products.

1. Let employees have their evenings and weekends back. American workers are increasingly finding that their previously 9-5 jobs now expect them to be available to answer calls and emails over the weekend and well into the evening hours. While some jobs truly do require this, many don’t – and it’s simply happening because technology has made it easier. As this trend impacts ever more people, employers that get serious about limiting intrusions into employee’s time off will have an easier time attracting and retaining good employees who want to be able to leave their jobs at the office. Relatedly…

2. Help people take time off. Many employees don’t use all the vacation time their benefits package entitled them to, either because they don’t feel their workload allows or it because their manager or workplace culture signals that time off is for slackers. But well-rested, refreshed employees are more productive and won’t burn out, and you’re likely to have a stronger staff in the long-run for it.

3. Do more to guard against racial and gender bias at work. For example, educate managers about the research showing that women are often labeled abrasive, aggressive, or rude when displaying the same behavior that in men is seen as evidence of strong leadership, and that African-Americans are often perceived as having a “negative attitude” while white employees who behave similarly get a pass (“she’s tired,” “he’s assertive,” etc.). And in hiring, find ways to combat unconscious bias, such evaluating candidates against a clear list of must-haves rather than factors that don’t truly correlate with success on the job (such as rapport with the interviewer or an Ivy League degree); using evidence-based methods to evaluate candidates, such as job-related exercises and simulations; and even removing identifying from applications and/or exercises so that evaluators can assess candidates without knowing their race or gender.

4. Distribute perks evenly or based on merit, not based on who asks the most loudly. In many offices, people who ask for extras – like more time off, better projects, professional development, or a higher raise – are more likely to get them. But not everyone will speak up and ask for extras, which means that your most outspoken employees may get a disproportionate share of resources. Instead, make a point of examining how perks and benefits are distributed, and resist the easy path of giving more based on who speaks up first or negotiates the best.

5. Put more into training and developing staff. As companies have tried to do more work for less money, it’s often been their employees who have borne the brunt of that. Budgets for training and development have taken a particular hit, which has left employees in a position where they’re expected to produce results and stay current on trends without getting much (or even any) training and professional development. Make 2016 the year you invest in your employees as a long-term investment in your organization. And speaking of development…

6. Give more feedback. The vast majority of mangers don’t give nearly enough feedback to their staff members, even though feedback is one of the strongest tools managers have for getting better results from their teams. Simply articulating the areas in which you’d like to see an employee improve or describing what you’d like to see done differently can go a long way toward making that change happen. And positive feedback will generally keep people motivated and displaying the behaviors that drove the praise in the first place. Employers should push managers to make feedback a regular, normalized part of their conversations with staff members (for example, by setting aside time for it in weekly check-ins).

7. Take on performance problems. Managers should measure their own performance by the lowest performers on their teams. Managers are often tempted to take the credit for what their top performers achieve, but the real measure is how they handle people who are struggling. Yet too often, managers shy away from the tough conversations, coaching work, and accountability that’s crucial to a truly high-performing team.

8. Appreciate people. Employers often underestimate the impact of simply making sure that great employees hear regularly that they’re valued and why. If you want to retain your best people, ensure that their contributions are recognized – both through open praise and by compensation that reflects their worth to your organization (and gives them a reason to stay!).

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

You may also like:
{ 27 comments }

what are the ethics of applying for a job that a friend wants?

by Alison Green on December 30, 2015

A reader writes:

You’ve said before that no one can “steal” a job. But what about when you apply for an opening that you only know about because a colleague told you that he applied for it?

I just finished a graduate program. I was older than most of my classmates by 10+ years. With a several-year absence from the workforce before the program, I’m being considered for roles more junior than my last one. I am willing to take a step back in order to work again. But a few months ago I didn’t expect I’d be going after the same jobs as younger classmates. Though there are many with my degree, I chose to specialize in a narrow area, so I would be competing against classmates I knew well except that I am a December graduate. Most are spring graduates, so almost everyone I know is employed now. It’s not a field where jobs open up at any particular time of year.

A school friend who graduated in May has not found work and has been frustrated. He told me about finally getting a phone interview, and said the company will tell him if he’ll move on based on how the other interviews go. I looked at the listing to see what I could suggest to him. This job really calls for more experience than he has, but it’s a good match for me. I really only looked at it to give him some resume suggestions. The job calls for a lot of the skills I developed over my career, which are likely for someone with a degree in Vanilla Teapots, but aren’t typically associated with our degree in Chocolate Teapots. Training others on using vanilla teapots is also a big part of the job, and I have lots of training experience too (ironically, including teaching him how to make a basic one, but also in paid positions). I imagine it comes across in an interview that his only experience with vanilla teapots is for a class project. It’s not my degree, but I designed, created, and managed vanilla teapots for my jobs. That’s not something I can say to him, of course. There’s no guarantee that I’ll get an interview, but this Chocolate/Vanilla Teapots combo position sounds like it’s a fit for me right now.

I applied for it today and am feeling guilty, but probably not quite bad enough that I’ll decline an interview if offered. I would feel slightly better if he had been turned down outright, but he is being put on hold until they see if they have better candidates, so my applying could mean that he gets bumped from the in-person interviews. And worse, it probably wouldn’t be my first choice job as I have an interview coming up for one I think I’d like better, but who knows if I’ll get that. I’m unemployed too with loans coming due and I also really need the work.

How do you handle it when you find out about something this way? I really do admire his confidence and drive, and I don’t want to be disrespectful of someone who has been a school friend and might be a colleague someday in our small industry. We don’t socialize but are still friendly enough to share news.

Ooof. It’s true that you can’t steal a job from someone, but it’s also true that this probably isn’t going to feel great to him.

In particular, the fact that the company told him they’re waiting to see if someone better comes along makes it more likely that he’ll feel like your application (if it results in you getting an interview, while he doesn’t) did indeed bump him out of consideration. That’s of course how all hiring works, even if they hadn’t spelled it out for him quite like that; a stronger candidate can always bump someone else out of contention. But it’s still going to sting.

He also might feel like you only knew about the job because he told you about it and think that you therefore should have considered it off-limits. That’s not entirely reasonable — you’re both in need of work, and you’re in the same field, and there’s a finite number of job openings — but it’s also not entirely unreasonable for him to feel like there’s something kind of unseemly about it anyway.

But here’s the thing: It’s going to feel a lot more underhanded if you don’t tell him now and then you get offered and accept the job and need to tell him then. Because of that, I think the best thing you can do is come clean now, or at least at the point that you get an interview. It’s going to be awkward, but it’s better to say “Hey, I feel awkward about this, but I want to let you know that I threw my hat in the ring for the X job” than to have to say later on “Um, that job that you’ve been hoping to hear about? I’ve been secretly talking with them for the last month, and now they’ve offered it to me.”

Of course, no matter when you tell him, he might be bitter, resentful, or even think you screwed him over, and there might not be anything that you can do about that if so. But it’ll be a more principled stand — and more likely to get you a better outcome — if you’re honest with him now than if you wait. Telling him now says “I know this isn’t great, but as new grads in this field, we are competing for the same jobs” (which he might take issue with, but reasonable people could at least argue it either way), whereas waiting says “I hid this from you as long as I could because I felt like I was doing something shady” (and that makes it shady).

You may also like:
{ 176 comments }

telling a coworker she has B.O., putting degrees in your email signature, and more

by Alison Green on December 30, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Talking to a depressed coworker/friend about B.O.

I have a very good friend who’s also a coworker (on another team from mine). I happen to know that she’s suffering from very bad depression, and I’m very proud of her for getting through it as well as she is.

Here’s my dilemma–in the last few months, she’s developed a definite problem with body odor. I think it’s very likely to be related to her depression, since I know she has trouble gathering the energy to do even basic tasks. I’m concerned that it may damage her professional reputation–I know some of our coworkers have already complained about what they think is her flakiness, and the fact that she’s not been as put together as is expected in our industry (think wearing visibly rumpled clothes, that kind of thing). Should I say anything to her? And if so, what would you recommend I say?

(As a side note, I don’t think this is due to cultural differences in diet.)

If she’s a good friend and you believe she’d want to know (most people would, for what that’s worth), yes. Exactly what to say will depend on your relationship, but it could be less awkward to make it about laundry rather than her actual body. You could say something like this: “Hey, I hope you don’t mind me telling you this, but I’ve noticed an odor from your clothes lately that didn’t used to be there. It might be that you’re washing or drying your clothes differently than you used to. It’s hard to noticed stuff like that about yourself, so I thought you’d want me to tell you.”

Or you could be more straightforward, although most people really struggle with directly telling people they’ve got B.O. But if you’re up for it, you could say: “I want to be a good friend and tell you that I’ve noticed lately you’ve had a smell you didn’t used to have. Normally I’d ask if everything was okay, but I know you’re going through a really tough time and figured this might be related to that. I’d count on you to tell me that if you ever noticed it about me so I hope it’s okay that I’m telling you.”

2. My coworkers keep touching me

Several people in my office have been touching me. It is not inappropriate touching; it is more like make a connection touching. I don’t like it at all. Is there a nice way I can get it to stop? I am not a toucher type. In the beginning it was happening a little. Then we got a new person and he was touching me the minute he walked in the door. I mentioned this to someone and then many more people started touching. I suspect the person wanted to get to me and spread the word. Do you think if I tough up and ignore it they will tire of it and stop?

Possibly, but rather than waiting it out, why not just tell people to stop? Just say, “Oh, I’m not really a toucher.” Smile and say it kindly, and people are less likely to take it as a chilly push-away. But if someone continues after you’ve told them to stop, getting chillier is perfectly appropriate; at that point you should say firmly and without smiling, “Please don’t touch me.”

3. Putting degrees/certifications in your email signature

How do you feel about email signatures with degrees/certification in them? Like, “Sansa Stark, MPA” or “Brienne of Tarth, Esq” ?

For most people, not good. Avoid.

There are a few fields where it’s normal to do that (like the medical field, for example), but for most people, it’s unnecessary and comes across as putting too much weight on the degree. If it’s the norm in your field, you’ll presumably know it — but define that as “nearly everyone working in this field,” not “I’ve seen a couple of people do it.”

4. How to give feedback to consultants

At my organization we have a formal performance evaluation system for staff, which consultants are not included in even though many of them do staff-like work. As a team leader of projects, management frequently assigns people to my team who do work on my projects but do not directly report to me (except in the context of the project). It has always bothered me that there is not a formal way to provide feedback for consultants, particularly those who have done a great job. I have started doing emails, but was not sure about the appropriate protocol, especially as no one else really does it and I work in a formal environment.

Is it better to write to their supervisor directly saying what an excellent job they did and why and copy the person, or write to the person thanking them for their good work and copy their supervisor?

Either one! And in either case, they and their manager will likely really appreciate it.

You can also provide feedback informally on an ad hoc basis as you notice things that person is excelling at or that you’d like them to do differently, or in slightly more formal debriefs at the end of a project. (The latter wouldn’t be a performance evaluation; you don’t really do that for consultants. But you can certainly ask them to set aside time to debrief with you about how the work went.)

5. Can my friend connect me to a recruiter who contacted her about a job?

My friend is being regularly emailed by recruiters. She’s not interested in most of the positions, but occasionally shows me one that might be a good fit for me. We work in related fields, though hers is more technical. Our skill sets overlap, and it wouldn’t take long for me to learn the ropes.

If my friend is contacted by a recruiter with a job that isn’t right for her but might be right for me, what should we do? Should I reach out to the recruiter directly? Should she send the recruiter my contact information? Should she include my resume? We’re really stumped on the etiquette here.

Do both. Recruiters are usually happy to get leads, so it wouldn’t be at all weird for your friend to say, “I know someone who could be great for this. Her name is Cordelia Plufferton, and I”m attaching her resume if you’d like to reach out to her.” Meanwhile, if you don’t hear from the recruiter a day or two after that, it would be fine for you to contact the person directly and say “I learned about this job from my friend Valentina Warbleworth and would love to talk if you think I might be the right match” (and of course, attach your resume).

You may also like:
{ 297 comments }

update: my coworker is bitter that I got the permanent position he wanted

by Alison Green on December 29, 2015

Remember the letter-writer whose condescending coworker turned bitter after our letter-writer was offered the permanent position that he wanted? Here’s the update.

After I wrote to you, I was in a position for several weeks where I didn’t really have to interact with Tim – I had to go back to my old department whilst awaiting my official transfer. We would speak occasionally, but I would keep it light and cheerful and if he brought up the fact I got the job and he didn’t, I said things like, “I don’t think talking about it is going to do any good” or “I’m not sure what you expect me to do about that.” Then, because I was working elsewhere in the building, it was fairly easy to make my escape if need be.

I’ve been in my new job for about a month now, and Tim’s still there. The department is understaffed, and there are some major long-term projects that are the focus of the permanent members of the team. This means there are very little resources available for the small tasks that regularly come into the department, so Tim’s doing those. This means I’m stuck with him for at least the next couple of months, but realistically probably longer. He constantly tells me how he doesn’t want to keep working in the team and how, if he’s asked to stay longer, he’ll decline the offer. But every time he’s offered a contract extension, he accepts it, and continues to complain and do as little work as he can get away with.

I’m regularly feeling undermined by Tim, in much the same ways that I wrote about before. If I ask for updates about pieces of work that I started but Tim then picked up while I was out of the department, I get, “Come on, now, you should be up to date with this.” If I mention some aspect of the project I’m working on, I get, “That’s nothing to do with me,” and if some work has to be planned for a few months’ time, it’s still, “I don’t have to do any prep for that, it’ll be your problem.” If I ask any member of the team for clarification, advice or a second opinion, Tim is there in the background, telling me that I’m a permanent member of the team so I should know these things.

I’ve tried telling him that he doesn’t know what the future holds so he should do everything he can to keep his work in order and maintain positive relationships with the team. I’ve tried patiently explaining that I don’t see the point of pretending I know things I don’t, and that the project I’m working on is by its nature collaborative, so I have to make sure I’m on the same page as the person I’m working with on it. I’ve tried being friendly and sympathetic, I’ve tried being more abrupt than usual, and I’ve tried keeping my head down and ignoring him. Whatever I do, I get the patronizing, dismissive comments. And I’m still having to listen to him talk about the impact not getting the job had on his relationship with his girlfriend, his financial situation and his plans for the future.

Despite his best efforts, I feel secure in the job. I mentioned to the hiring manager in my interview that it’s really important to me to receive feedback, and to know as soon as possible if I’m doing something wrong. He’s promised several times to be open and honest with me about my performance. I’ve had plenty of feedback, which has been overwhelmingly good, and various experienced members of the team have told me how glad they are that I got the job and how I have an instinctive ability for it. One of them even explicitly told me he’d been hoping from the moment it was advertised that I would get it and Tim wouldn’t.

There’s a part of me that feels sorry for Tim – it’s never nice to not get a job when you thought you would. But I felt like he was being unreasonable when this started, and as the months have passed I’ve felt it even more so – he no longer has the excuse of surprise. I don’t want to feel like I’m expected to apologise for applying for a job and getting it. I just want to be able to get on with the work without the negativity and condescension.

I suppose the next step ought to be speaking to my manager, but I’m putting this off. I feel like this should be something I can just deal with, and I’m worried that if I do mention something then Tim will know and that will make things worse and all kinds of awkward.

I want to thank you and your readers for your advice and support. Reading all the comments at least helped me accept that I wasn’t mad or blowing things out of proportion!

Me again: Yes, you need to talk to your manager (who I assume is also Tim’s manager), and you should do it ASAP. Tim’s behavior is beyond the pale, and any decent manager would want to know about it. It’s not tattling; it’s raising an issue that’s impacting the work that your manager needs to know about. If you’re concerned that talking to your manager will make things even harder with Tim, tell your manager that too; a good manager who hears that will make it clear to Tim that being a jerk to you over this isn’t an option.

You may also like:
{ 98 comments }

4 workplace trends to watch in 2016

by Alison Green on December 29, 2015

Here are five workplace trends that we’re likely to see in 2016 that will heavily impact you as a manager and the way you run your team.

1. The dramatic expansion of remote work. It’s not news that companies are ever-more friendly to remote work, but look for a dramatic upswing in the practice in 2016. As technology makes remote work easier and easier, and the culture shift around telecommuting makes companies that have been reluctant to embrace it look increasingly out-of-date, the bias many managers still had against telework is crumbling. Companies that lag behind the curve are likely to find it harder to attract and retain great employees, and will be at a disadvantage against competitors who aren’t limited to a strictly local workforce.

2. Flexibility. Employees are increasingly expecting – and prospective new hires are sometimes demanding – flexible work hours. As people look for better ways to juggle work obligations and family or personal commitments, flex time has risen to the top of the list of what many workers value most. In 2016, look for the acceptance of flexible schedules to expand even more as employers find that flexibility helps attract and retain high performers who want the ability to plan their work schedules around picking kids up from school, attending classes, managing daytime medical appointments, or avoiding rush hour.

3. Backlash against intrusions of work into “off” time. In 2015, we saw a growing recognition of the ways that work – helped by technology – is intruding into people’s “off” time more than ever before, with many people feeling pressure to answer work calls and emails at night, on the weekends, and during vacations. But the idea that so many jobs should require round-the-clock availability is increasingly being challenged, and a backlash is growing against the expectation that work hours never really end. Look for this conversation to get louder in 2016, and for companies to be forced to grapple with their own role in the dynamic and what they need to do to prevent burn-out.

4. New laws for overtime. The federal government has proposed a dramatic change to the rules governing who must be paid overtime when working more than 40 hours in a week, which, if approved, would require more than 5 million white-collar workers to receive overtime pay. The change would require workers to be paid a minimum salary of $50,440 in order to be exempt from overtime pay requirements – up from the current salary threshold of $23,600. If the new rule becomes law, businesses will be faced with either tracking and limiting the number of hours a large pool of people can work or incurring potentially large new overtime costs … or, of course, raising salaries to the new threshold, which might be the most cost-effective way to proceed for employees who work significant overtime. Anyone managing a team should keep an eye on this one, which could have massive ramifications for how you staff (and pay) your team.

You may also like:
{ 71 comments }

my employee plays games and uses his phone during downtime

by Alison Green on December 29, 2015

A reader writes:

I have a business analyst on my team that spends a lot of his time working on very large spreadsheets, consolidating, and analyzing information. Due to the size and nature of the work, a lot of times he will need to set the spreadsheet to do a specific job and then will simply need to wait for it to load for 3-5 minutes. This will happen multiple times an hour, so the waiting time can add up.

During this time, I’ve noticed him on his phone, reading things, or playing games waiting for the spreadsheet to load. He already has a top of the line computer so I can’t think of other resources to make his job faster; waiting is a part of his work. I think the perception in the office and my own perception is that he’s on his phone too much. Even though I know what’s going on, I can’t help but feel he is not being as productive as he could be during those waiting times and I don’t like the idea that he can play phone games while on the clock. If I were to tell him to put his phone away, he’d still need to wait for the sheets to load and it completely locks the computer up when it’s loading, so there is not other work that can be done while something is loading. How would you address this, is there anything to address, and should I let him continue to use his phone as he does or tell him to put it away and essentially ask him to look at a blank screen while it loads?

It would be pretty horrible to tell him that he has to sit there and stare at a blank screen just because of what other people might think.

I think you’ve got to sort out your own thinking here: You’re saying that you feel he’d be more productive if he put his phone away, but at the same time you’re saying that waiting is part of the work and there’s nothing else that he could be doing with that time.

If he’s taking longer than he should to get back to the spreadsheet once it’s loaded, then certainly you can address that.

But otherwise you’d be penalizing him for something that isn’t fair to penalize him for. And you won’t retain professional adults who are good at this work if you impose an arbitrary rule on them that has nothing to do with their actual productivity. Those sorts of rules signal that you don’t trust people to manage their own time or not slack off.

Plus, making someone sit and stare at a blank screen for large parts of the day is a good way to ensure you won’t retain smart people who crave intellectual stimulation — whereas giving them trust and flexibility is a good way to keep them.

I do think you could reasonably ask him not to play games while he waits because games will read pretty blatantly as “NOT WORKING AND DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!” to people who don’t know the situation (especially visitors to your office, higher-ups, etc.), whereas being on his phone or reading could feasibly be work-related or a quick break. But don’t give him a hard time about those last two if there’s really nothing work-related for him to do.

You may also like:
{ 262 comments }

coworkers leaving love notes for each other, how to pick interns, and more

by Alison Green on December 29, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworkers are leaving love notes for each other

I recently started working in a high-end retail setting selling a luxury item. The team that I’m working with seems really great for the most part, except for this one young couple who can’t seem to keep their private lives out of the workplace.

It’s not enough that everyone knows that they’re dating; one of them has begun taping small love notes to cash registers that are shared between 5-6 of us, in full view of our customers. Now in fairness, the notes are usually pretty short and subtle (“Happy Thursday!!!” followed by a series of hearts), but the most recent ones had what were unmistakably tiny breasts drawn on them, circles with dots in the middle.

I know it’s maybe none of my business and I should probably keep my head down, but every time I have to work with either of them I feel angrier and angrier that they’ve made us all so involved in their private lives. To complicate matters further, the male recipient of these notes is up for a promotion and I’m worried that their relationship will have a negative impact on our team dynamic if he gets it. Am I just being an over-sensitive grouch? None of the other employees seem bothered. What’s your take?

It’s not appropriate for anyone to be leaving drawings of boobs around a workplace, and it would be perfectly reasonable for you to say to the culprit, “Dude, I really don’t want to see this at work — can you cut that out?”

As for “happy Thursday”-type notes, I can see why the hearts are making you roll your eyes and think it’s a bit much to have on public view (and I agree with you that it is), but I’d let those go, especially since you’re new and the rest of your team doesn’t seem bothered, as long as it doesn’t cross over into outright love notes (pet names, mushiness, sonnets).

But you’re certainly right to be concerned if he could be promoted into a position where he’d be supervising someone he’s dating. The company shouldn’t let that happen, although retail is often more relaxed about that kind of thing than an office setting might be.

2. My coworker keeps prying into my performance rating

I have a colleague who always asks about my year-end performance rating. I have said that I don’t like talking about it, but without fail at the year end, she asks me the dreaded question.

For the last couple of years, I have exceeded my manager’s expectations, but this is private and I don’t like sharing it. So she asked me today and I led her to believe I just got the standard “meeting expectations” because I’m newer to my role. I feel bad for lying or misleading her because she’s a friend too, but I didn’t know what else to do.

What would you recommend in this situation? What’s the protocol with discussing performance reviews/rating?

If you don’t want to discuss your rating with her, it’s totally fine to just say that. You can simply say, “Sorry, I’d rather not discuss it” or “Eh, I consider that private” or “You remember me telling you that I don’t like talking about it, don’t you?” or “I would give you top ratings for persistence in asking me this despite my requests not to.”

3. Is there something wrong with how I’m selecting interns?

My team runs a three-month internship program that’s aimed at people fresh out of school with minimal experience. The organization is quite prestigious, and the internship gives interns great admin and event management experience.

When deciding which applicants to interview, I often reject applicants who have done similar internships and already have a lot of experience of doing the same kinds of tasks, as I feel this role would not offer the opportunity to learn anything new. While it’s a good internship for people with very little experience, the scope is fairly limited and I think the role is much more useful to some people than others. However, some coworkers feel it’s unfair to reject someone for being overqualified – if they are the strongest candidate, they should be given the position. What are your thoughts? And how would you give an applicant feedback if they have been unsuccessful due to being too experienced?

It really depends on the goals of the internship and who you’ve found does best in it. If it’s intended to give experience to people who have little or none, that’s a reasonable (and generous) goal and it would be fine to look for applicants who fit that profile. Or, if you’ve found that candidates with more experience get bored in the position, that’s worth considering too.

Really, though, it sounds like the core question here is what the purpose of the internship is, and that you and your colleagues need to get aligned on that if they have a stake in how you run the hiring process.

4. Promotion comes with tiny raise

My girlfriend works as an hourly non-exempt employee at a hotel. She took a move a couple years ago from accounting to the front desk, which was a cut in pay but worked better with her school schedule. They reduced her wages to the normal rate for a front desk person, plus all the merit increases she’s received over her 10 years there. Recently she was offered a promotion to supervisor, but they’re only offering her the base supervisor pay; none of her previous merit increases will apply, so it amounts to about a 45 cent/an hour raise.

Needless to say, she’s not happy about it and I’m not sure what to tell her. I’ve been salaried exempt my whole career, so this is a different area for me. Should she be getting her previous increases on top of the supervisor base rate, and if so how do we make a compelling argument for her to take back to HR? She doesn’t think what they’re doing is legal and wants to ask a lawyer about it, but to my knowledge there’s nothing covering this under law they can offer her anything they want for the job above minimum wage.

Yeah, there’s nothing illegal about it; no law requires any pay other than minimum wage and overtime pay for non-exempt employees. It’s also not uncommon for the salary in a new position not to take into account raises from past positions; it’s common to start fresh with the salary once you’ve been promoted and to set it based on the salary band for the new position. And really, that makes a certain amount of sense; she’s coming into a new role with new responsibilities, where she hasn’t yet proved herself, and it wouldn’t necessarily make sense to pay a brand new supervisor extra because of merit raises she received in non-supervisory positions (which in many ways can be totally different work).

That said, she could certainly try negotiating for more, by pointing out elements of her work that are likely to make her worth more than their normal supervisor starting salary.

5. Paid leave and FMLA leave

I have a question about how FMLA works. Our company’s handbook states that, if you need to use FMLA, you have to use PTO/vacation days first. But if I’m using those paid hours, then how is that FMLA: wouldn’t I get those hours and then the 12 weeks on top of that, since FMLA is supposed to be unpaid? Is this standard practice?

This is pretty common, actually. If you’re are eligible for FMLA, your employer must give you up to 12 weeks of FMLA leave per year for qualifying family and medical reasons — but they can require you to use any accrued paid time off as part of those 12 weeks. That paid leave would run concurrently with your FMLA leave; it’s not the PTO first and then the FMLA after it. Essentially, the law protects your job for 12 weeks, whether that’s paid leave or not. (However, your employer does need to notify you when your leave begins that they’ll be counting your paid leave against the FMLA entitlement.)

You may also like:
{ 194 comments }

update: how can I help a staff member get better at thinking on her feet?

by Alison Green on December 28, 2015

Remember the letter-writer seeking ways to help a staff member get better at thinking on her feet because she was freezing up with customers when they asked questions that she didn’t know how to answer (#2 at the link)? Here’s the update.

As you likely remember, my charge was having trouble thinking on her feet when on the phone on account of paralyzing anxiety. The suggested advice from you as well as the readership was mainly: role-play and shadowing. This was a solution that I was already implementing, but I really put an emphasis on it following your feedback.

And … it worked!

I started each day with a briefing on what we would be working on, then a hypothetical scenario to identify a scenario that she hadn’t encountered before. It was a little rough at first, but as time passed, she felt more comfortable improvising with me, which led to more comfort and improvisation on the phone. About two weeks later, her shoulders dropped out of her ears, and she started to be more relaxed when working with customers.

It’s been 6 months or so, and she’s really grown into the role.

The role-play sessions provided structure for her to solve the types of problems she’d see on the calls in her own way, but I think that they also served as a subconscious reinforcement that I was not there to judge/reprimand that she wasn’t coming along as quickly as I’d hoped and that I was interested in pitching in to help her grow. The two of those in combination put her more at ease to tackle the (admittedly difficult) beast that is coming into a new role and facing customers right away.

Of course, time and experience only served to augment her confidence — something that I don’t think should be discounted. The task was to help her be more comfortable as she grew into the role, though, and the role-play sessions did just that.

THANK YOU for your help!

You may also like:
{ 21 comments }