Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Manager told me not to go to the bathroom between 8 and 8:05 a.m.

I work from 8:00 a.m. – 6 p.m., and maybe am a minute or two late at times, that’s it. I came in yesterday on time, went to my desk, put everything down (purse, coat, etc.), and went to use the bathroom. As I’m coming out of the bathroom, my manager said that I was three minutes late. I told him I was on time but I was in the bathroom. He said, “You were on time?” I said yes. Then he said, “Well, don’t go to the bathroom between 8:00 a.m. – 8:05 a.m.”

I was flabbergasted and so were others who heard him say that. Does he have a right to do that? I will adhere to this silliness as I cannot afford and refuse to be fired over something like this. I’m a very hard worker, top sales person, and well liked by all, I guess with the exception of this manager now.

He has the legal right, yes (unless you have a medical condition involving the bathroom that he’s legally required to accommodate). But he also has the legal right to insist on a full report of what you did in the bathroom or to make you take a hall pass in with you or to insist that you call him Emperor Bob the Toilet King. None of those things would be reasonable though, and all would make him an ass, and so does this one.

Well, actually, now that that’s out of my system, I’m going to backtrack a bit. If it’s really crucial that people be able to reach you at your desk at the exact start of the day — or, say, there’s a five-minute morning meeting that starts at 8 a.m. — then sure, it’s reasonable to say, “Hey, try to avoid bathroom trips during this short period if you can.” But based on the details here (including him giving you a hard time for being three minutes late), I suspect that’s not what he’s doing.

2. How can I ask for time off when few of my coworkers do?

How do I tactfully request time off without rocking the boat? I’ve worked for a very small business (only three employees) for a little over a year. I’ve since learned that my coworkers generally very rarely take time off and if they do, it’s usually only one day at a time. Since there are so few employees, there’s not really anyone to cover for me if I’m gone, except my boss (the owner). Thus, our business loses money when someone takes time off. (There’s also no benefits package whatsoever, so no paid time off.)

I’d like to ask for three days off about two months from now due to family obligations. I’m naturally very shy, so asking for time off is always difficult/awkward for me, doubly so in this sort of work environment. What is your advice for tactfully asking for a few days off without coming off as entitled?

It’s not entitled to need time off here and there — for family obligations, for sickness, for appointments, for vacation, and for just basic recharging. This is a normal part of being human, and it’s a normal part of business. Reasonably run businesses understand that, even small ones with no benefits. If the business is so small that this means that the owner needs to cover for people who are out, well, then the owner needs to cover for people who are out. That’s part of the deal in running a small business.

The best way to address it is to just be straightforward: “I’ll need (dates) off in April. What’s the best way for me to arrange that?” If you’re more comfortable giving a reason, or think that it will go over better if you do, you can add “for family obligations.”

If you get pushback, ask whether those particular dates are an issue or if it’s just time off in general. If it’s the latter, there’s something pretty odd going on there, and you’d want to think about whether you want to put up with that long-term … because again, it’s very, very normal to take time off and it’s not generally sustainable or practical to just never do it.

3. Giving a staff member development opportunities without exploiting her

In my field, there is a division (by way of a professional degree) in the organization between “teapotians” and “teapot staff.” I am a teapotian that supervises someone in a staff position, although she also has the professional degree. She’s great at her job, and we benefit by her also having that professional training/outlook.

She’s interested in pursuing teapotian positions in the future and I want to support those goals, although I would be sad to lose her. Since she hasn’t had a professional teapotian position, I’d like to give her access to activities that would strengthen her as a candidate in future searches. But I’m also aware of not wanting to exploit her. Anything she did in the professional capacity would still only be compensated within her staff salary (she’s exempt and paid well). Any advice on where to keep that line?

Talk to her! Tell her exactly what you said here — that you know she’s interested in pursuing teapotian positions in the future and that you’d like to help her by giving her work that would make her a stronger candidate for those jobs, but that you don’t have the budget to pay her more for that work and don’t want to take advantage of her, and that you’d like to hear from her what she’d most like. She’s very likely to tell you that she’d be glad to have the chance to work on those projects, but make it clear that it’s okay if she doesn’t.

4. Should I call or email my contacts when I’m looking for networking help?

I haven’t had to look for a new job in about 20 years. The company which I’ve worked for the past eight years changed ownership about six months ago, and as hard as I’ve tried, I am simply miserable with the current regime. So I am ready to look elsewhere. I have several good contacts in my field who I’d like to reach out to. It’s been a few years in most cases, but I had/have solid relationships with all. Do I reach out initially with an email or would it be okay to call straight away since I already know these people pretty well?

Ugh, I would so hate the call and would want the email … but there are other people who would strongly prefer a call and where a call might get you better results because they’re big relationship people. So I’d say to let your knowledge of each person be your guide — if you know them to be a phone person, sure, go ahead and call. But otherwise — including cases where you’re not sure — I’d default to email because it’s less of an interruption.

5. Should I bother to apply to job postings that have been up longer than a few days?

Yo Alison!

(Now I’m #14.)

Should I limit my search to job postings that have been up for just a few days? Or is there typically still a chance for a posting that’s been up longer? Putting in the proper amount of effort for an application takes so long that I don’t want to waste time if the deck’s already stacked against me.

No, you can and should still apply! There are some jobs where there are sufficient numbers of strong applicants in the first few days the job is advertised, and the employer doesn’t look at any/most of the people who come in after that. But there are many more jobs that are truly open and considering applicants for weeks after the ad goes up, if not longer (and that’s especially true the more senior or specialized something is).

Interestingly, I tend to find that the strongest candidates’ applications come in late in the process, and the weakest come in within the first day that the ad is up. I suspect this is because they’re not applying to everything they see or even looking on a regular basis; they’re being more selective and leisurely in their job search. That doesn’t mean that no great candidates apply early on, but the overall pattern shows up consistently.

All that said, once you spot the ad and want to apply, do it pretty quickly. Don’t think it over for days or procrastinate, because it could be getting filled while you’re waiting.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I put fanfiction on my resume?

I’m a college student putting a resume together for the first time and your blog has been a huge help. There is, however, one thing I am unsure of. That’s if I should include my fanfiction on my resume.

I’ve published over 83,000 words of fanfiction in 2015 alone. One of my works is in the top 2% of all stories in its fandom, which I am of course very proud of.

However, I’m worried that listing this will weird out employers or come off as unprofessional or out of touch. I also know that if I list it more vaguely (not calling it fanfiction or mentioning where online I publish my work), it’s likely to come up in an interview. Would a hiring manager be alarmed by an applicant including this in a resume? Or is it not that big of a deal?

I wouldn’t include it. Fanfic has enough of a bad reputation with enough people — it’s marginalized, at best — that while some hiring managers might find it interesting or take it as evidence of writing skills, there’s too high a risk of many others seeing its appearance on a resume as a negative. There are also copyright issues with a lot of fanfiction, and if you get a hiring manager who’s attuned to that (for example, me), you risk raising their hackles on that front.

If you want to demonstrate writing skills, there are lots of other ways to do it — with your cover letter and writing samples, for instance.

Read an update to this letter here.

2. I want to tell my ex-friend’s employer what she’s really like

I had a friendship turn sour and when it did I cut off all ties, including blocking the person and all of her friends. I’d been friends with her for seven years and had known her to be unstable in the best of times, so I thought it was best to deal with her hostile feelings this way. Before I blocked her, I told her to never contact me again.

She was recently arrested in her home for some kind of drug charges. She believes that I set her up to be arrested, i.e. dropped a dime on her. I didn’t, but everything she was charged with was something she was actually caught doing. I know that she believes I snitched because she left me five threatening voicemails to that effect. I took it directly to the police and filed a police report.

I feel it is important that her employer know that he has a drug offender who immediately starts threatening people when caught in his employ. I’m going to send a letter along with my police report. I would like to know how to word the letter without airing any dirty laundry. I want to letter to cleanly say, “this person is threatening me and you should know it.”

Any ideas? I work for the government, so in terms of informing my employer, I just filled out a form. We have security in the lobby anyway.

This has nothing to do with her employer; it’s an issue between the two of you (and between her and the police, but having drugs in the privacy of her home isn’t such an outrage or a threat that her employer needs you to alert them to it). If she harasses you further, follow the advice of the police you’re already in contact with, but writing a letter to her employer would be an over-step by you and is likely to needlessly escalate this further.

Her employer probably employs plenty of “drug offenders,” given that 10% of Americans have used an illegal drug in the past month.

3. I sit near the printer and everyone wants me to babysit it

I’m a marketing coordinator with some executive coordinator duties. My desk is the closest in the office to the main printer. I am constantly asked/told to retrieve items from the printer and deliver them to the owner, restock the paper, change the ink and toners, scan and send documents, etc. It is very disruptive to my workday and I’m starting to go crazy. Would it be reasonable to submit a request to move my desk?

It really depends on your role. If you’ve got admin duties, and it sounds like you do, these might actually be reasonable things for people to ask you to do, although that also might depend on who’s making the requests. So the first question is: Is part of your job to provide admin help to others? And are those others the people who are asking you to do this stuff? If not, though, then sure, I think you could talk to your manager about what’s going on and float the idea of moving either your desk or the printer.

4. Are infographic resumes still a no-go?

Lately, my fellow job-information librarians and I have seen a number of articles about infographic resumes as a “trend” in 2016. We remember your column on this from 2013. We have a lot of pause about infographic resumes, for all the reasons you mentioned in your column; we’ve always been trained that you impress employers on a resume with your experience and skills, not gimmicks. So far, we haven’t seen any infographic resumes from our patrons during our resume review sessions, but as the word gets out more, we are wondering if we will. Has your opinion about infographic resumes changed at all? Have they become more accepted (or even expected) by hiring managers over the past three years?

No! No, no, definitely no. All the things I wrote in that older post hold true now: Infographic resumes are cheesy, sacrifice quality and quantity of information to the constraints of the design, don’t cater to what actual hiring managers want to see (just to what the people designing them want to sell), and are all around a bad idea.

Be very suspicious of anyone publishing articles telling you this is a current trend. They were also saying it was a trend a few years ago, and they’ll continue to say it now because they don’t know what they’re talking about and/or don’t care if they’re presenting good, helpful information as long as it gets them traffic.

5. Fired employee is still listed as affiliated with us at an upcoming conference

Firing the toxic employee from hell was a great decision that we don’t regret, and I say this noting we’re in academia, where firing takes a LOT to make it happen.

But I noticed that she’s attending a digital humanities conference next month, and that conference’s list of attendees (which is posted on the web) still lists her as being affiliated with us. Is it appropriate for me to email the conference and say that she’s not affiliated with us anymore? It’s perfectly legitimate for her to attend independently, of course (and I’m assuming part of why she’s attending is to network to find another job), but given how off-putting she is, I’m not sure how comfortable I am with people associating her with us.

Sure, that’s fine to do. It’s likely that she didn’t set this up intentionally but rather that the listing info was submitted while she still worked for you, but it’s fine to ask them to update it since — as you note — she no longer represents you.

It’s four answers to four questions (well, three plus an update). Here we go…

1. Manager posted list of names of people who are always on time to work

Recently my supervisor posted a list with five names out of the 22 people who work in our dept as “being on time 100% of the time.” I feel like this a little bit passive aggressive shaming of employees who were tardy. Granted, we have a few who are late 100% of the time, but some are late by one minute once! Your thoughts would be appreciated.

It’s a really weird thing for your manager to make such a big deal out of — surely there are more important measures of success than whether you’re at work at 9:00 or 9:01? I don’t think it’s shaming so much (if anything, this highlights that more than three-quarters of your coworkers are all in the same boat), just a dumb thing to make a focus point.

And really, if there’s any issue with people’s punctuality, your manager should address it with those people one on one. Just posting a list like this is a really passive, ineffective way of conveying that message and of doing her job.

2. Should I give a reference for a former coworker who wasn’t very good?

I worked closely with someone who was recently fired. “Steve” and I worked together for about two years. During the first year, I enjoyed our collaboration and I felt that he made strong contributions to the projects we worked on. However, during the second year, he put forth less and less effort, and simply stopped pulling his weight in a variety of ways. To make matters worse, he started dropping by my office multiple times a day to discuss minor work-related matters. These conversations were never productive or necessary, and I had to ask him to stop. The drop-ins slowed but never stopped, so I was feeling quite irritated with him by the time he was asked to leave.

Recently, he reached out to me to ask if I would serve as a reference for his job search. He’s been around the block long enough to know that I probably can’t give him a great reference, so I think he’s asking because he needs someone from our organization and I’m the best he can do. I can say specific, positive things about his contributions in our first year working together. But, I can’t say that I would recommend him for a position without reservation. My feelings about whether to provide a reference are complicated by the fact that Steve’s direct supervisor in our organization is extremely difficult to work with, and probably did block Steve’s success in certain ways. So, I do think that Steve might succeed in a similar position in a different environment, but I can’t say so with confidence. Finally, I know that Steve’s wife doesn’t work and that he has two children, so I lean toward helping if I can.

Is it kinder to provide a reference in which I say, “Steve did X, Y, and Z during our time together, but I can’t comment on his overall performance,” or to simply refuse to give a reference because I can’t wholeheartedly recommend him for a position?

Ooof. My usual answer with this kind of thing is that you should decline to give the reference or tell him that it won’t be glowing, because people giving inflated references is how other people end up with the kind of bad coworkers we read about here. But given that he was good to work with his first year, I do wonder if what you note about his difficult manager played some role in what he was like in year two. He’s still responsible for his own behavior that year, but it does make me more sympathetic.

You still can’t give a falsely positive reference, though. So I think your best bet is to tell him that you’re willing to talk factually about the projects you worked on together but that you wouldn’t be comfortable going beyond that to comment on his performance, and so therefore someone else might be a stronger pick. If you’re comfortable with it, you could even tell him that you felt like he struggled in his final year, and that you know it might be related to (manager), but that it’s put you in a position where you can’t give the kind of reference he’d probably like.

3. How can I explain to interviewers that I left my new job because of a bait and switch?

Three months ago, I was offered a job managing a small retail store in the very small (1,600 people) town I currently live in. After discussing the position in detail with the owners and agreeing on certain job details that I required be a part of the position if I were to take it, I decided to turn down the job as the pay was too low for me to accept (they don’t offer benefits). However, they came back to ask me my minimum required salary and offered me that number with the formerly agreed upon details. I decided to accept, despite wanting to leave this town for quite some time, and committed to a maximum of two years and a minimum of a year to help the resolve a number of issues with the store — issues which were the reason they had hired me.

However, even before starting (and of course after giving notice at my other job), they began changing the terms. They informed me they had let their employees know I was not actually the manager, but they wanted me to fill the role in other aspects. When I did start, I was suddenly not even responsible for those aspects either. Despite a conversation with the owner who offered me the job, they continue to strip down my duties and responsibilities and title. They are still compensating me as agreed upon, but the job is not what I agreed to and I am not utilizing the skills I originally expected to. I should also note that none of these changes were due to a lack of work performance. Not only have I reorganized their direct to garment and embroidery department to work more efficiently, I have brought in three new accounts in my short time here, using my contacts from past jobs. I have also been told my performance is above expectations.

I know my mistake in this was not getting the original offer in writing (something that is just not done in this small town setting), a mistake I will not make again. However, I feel I have given them a reasonable amount of time to address the concerns I brought to them originally and am not satisfied with their response. I have decided to cut my losses and begin looking for a job out of town, resuming my original plan to relocate. However, I’m not sure how to handle the “why are you leaving your current position” question that is bound to come up in interviews. Any suggestions?

“They hired me to manage the store, but it turned out that they really needed someone to do X instead. It ended up being a very different role than I’d signed on for.”

For what it’s worth, even getting the details of the job in writing might not have avoided this. It would have avoided any possible miscommunications, yes, but if they really meant what they said when they hired you and just changed their minds later, having it in writing wouldn’t have really changed anything. You should still get job offers in writing, but don’t beat yourself up over not having done it here.

4. Update: can you ask to come back to a question later in the interview, and how long can you pause before it seems weird?

I just wanted to let you know that you are the reason I got a job offer today. As a new grad, my fellow classmates are pretty jealous! I used all your tips and tricks to create a strong resume and cover letter I’m very proud of. I got a request for a phone interview 22 minutes after I applied online for a job. When I had my in-person interview today, I asked the manager several questions to assess the company and her management style. When I asked her your magic question “How would you differentiate a good X and a really great X” she responded “Someone who isn’t afraid to ask questions. You’re the first person I’ve interviewed that has asked me questions. Most people are too nervous.”

I was told they would make a decision two days later after interviewing two other candidates. 45 minutes after I left, the COO called and offered me the position, saying the manager was very impressed with me. I accepted, negotiated pay and was offered more.

I truly believe that asking the magic question and other questions I got from your blog is the reason I have a job now. I enjoy your blog so much and am so thankful for all you’ve shared on it.

Yay! Congratulations!

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How can I get out of my office’s basketball game?

I work in a small sales team (two groups of five people) for a university selling tickets to athletic events. All of my coworkers are hardcore jocks and sports fans. I love my job, but I’m not the biggest sports fan. My boss knows that I don’t like sports nearly as much as my coworkers and he’s fine with that, particularly because it doesn’t affect my job performance.

The problem is, as a reward for reaching our January goal, our boss has scheduled some time for us to play basketball as a team together in the university’s stadium. The rest of the team is understandably excited about this but I couldn’t be more nervous. I’m absolutely terrible at basketball and do not enjoy playing in the slightest. My boss has emphasized that we’re not there to be competitive but rather to just bond as a team. However, I fear that the whole affair will be terribly awkward because I’ll stand out in stark contrast to my very athletic coworkers. I’d prefer to just not go, but how can I communicate this to my boss? I worry that because we’re a sports-based team that my not participating will look counter to the culture of the office and reflect poorly on me.

Ugh, I’m right there with you. I wouldn’t want to do with this either. That said, I think you should go, but you don’t have to play. Instead, offer to keep score, cheer people on, hand out towels (is that a thing?), or some other job that has you there but not doing the part you don’t want to do.

You can either tell a white lie (“I have a bad back that would aggravated by this”) or tell your boss the truth (“this would a punishment for me, not a reward — I’m going to keep score instead”). Note that in that last one, you’re not asking to sit it out, you’re letting him know that you will be; you’re an adult and this isn’t high school gym class, so you get to do that.

If you really don’t want to go at all, you can adjust that wording to “this would be a punishment for me, not a reward, so I’m going to skip it — but have fun!” But I’d really recommend going and just doing something that doesn’t involve playing.

Read an update to this letter here.

2. I can’t keep working without a contract

Earlier this month, I quit my job because 1) I didn’t trust my boss’s leadership and the direction of the company and 2) I had an opportunity to start my own consulting agency and felt I owed it to myself to give that a shot. I am the only person at the company who can do this job, so I offered to consult for several weeks part-time while they back filled my old position. After a not-unexpected series of strong arm negotiations to work more/longer, I held firm to the scope of work I was offering; everyone bought in, and I sent my contract over.

The contract has been sitting with their lawyer for weeks, despite a brief round of minor redlines that felt more like stalling than changes. I’m coming to the end of my second week as a consultant, and although I have a great professional relationship with the CEO and would love to maintain a relationship with her for the exposure it might give my business, I know this company is lousy at paying vendors and is having serious cash flow issues right now.

I’m having difficulty knowing how to say “I won’t be working next week without a contract.” Because… I won’t. It’s not personal but it’s gone on long enough and someone should sign the contract, as I’m working in good faith. The lag makes me nervous. Thoughts on how to phrase it? I have other clients so I’m not afraid of losing the (currently worthless unsigned) contract, and frankly I’d rather not get paid for two weeks of work than not get paid for eight.

Say this: “I normally wouldn’t start work at all without a contract. I gave you some flexibility because of our relationship, but at this point I can’t continue to work with a signed contract. After today, I’m going to need to wait until we have it before I do anything further.” And then hold firm. If pressed, just pleasantly say, “As soon as we have the contract signed, I’d be glad to start back up.”

You’re absolutely right in the stance you’re taking. Also, especially given what you know about their track record of paying vendors, make sure you have something in the contract about how quickly you must be paid and penalties if they’re late.

3. Networking with business cards

Last summer, I lost my job (very) shortly after my father died. I decided to go easy on myself and picked up a bartending job to get by. Now that I’m ready to start the job hunt, I’d like to attend networking events, but the only business cards I have are from the company that let me go. They have my cell number but incorrect email. I’d prefer not to use them anyhow, since I obviously don’t have a lot of warm feelings about that company. Should I have personal cards made? I don’t have a lot of disposable income so I’m hoping you have another suggestion. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to find a new job, though.

Definitely do not use the cards from your old company; in fact, throw them out! They identify you first and foremost as a representative of that company, so they’re not really usable anymore.

You can get cards printed up pretty cheaply (like for $15, although I realize that whether or not that’s affordable is totally relative). Normally I’d tell you not to worry about having them during a job search (lots of people are stopping using cards entirely), but if you’re planing to attend a bunch of networking events, it probably does make sense to have some.

4. Losing interest in a job because of the city’s reputation

I applied to a job last week that is 2,000-plus miles away from my current location. My initial contact with the hiring manager about the job itself has gone great. He seems like a genuinely nice person, and the company he describes sounds like a great fit.

However, since applying, I’ve done a couple hours of research about the city itself — and it sounds like a dump. At least 95% of online comments about the city and, to a degree, the surrounding area are negative: crime, drugs, gang violence, lack of recreational opportunities in the immediate vicinity (outdoor opportunities exist 30-60 miles away, but nothing from your doorstep).

It’s hard to be an impartial judge from so far away, but I’m beginning to strongly lose interest in this job due to the locale’s terrible reputation. I only did a cursory investigation of the area (i.e., looking it up on a map) before applying initially. Should I have done more? And do you have any suggestions on how to proceed should I get a job offer (which is likely)?

So, ideally you’d have a reasonable degree of willingness to consider moving to a job’s location before applying for it, since otherwise you can end up wasting your and the employer’s time if the location turns out to be a deal-breaker as soon as you check it out further. And by applying, you’re basically saying “I’m open to moving to where you are.” Not committed, certainly, but open to it.

If you’re sure you wouldn’t accept the job, I’d withdraw now rather than waiting for them to make you an offer. You can just say that you really enjoyed talking with them, but that you’ve realized relocating doesn’t make sense for you right now. If you’re not sure, you should stay in consideration but really speed up your research/deciding process. If they offer you the job and the location does end up being a deal-breaker, you can use that same language — but it’s better to do it earlier if you can.

Read an update to this letter here.

5. My accrued sick leave was used during my family leave

I requested from HR some family leave to care for my dad. I was emailed a document from HR that needed to be completed by my dad’s physician. I emailed it back to HR and left for my leave out of state for just shy of a month’s time. Allowable time is 12 weeks.

Upon my return, paperwork from the HR department was sent to me to sign. I choose not to sign it as I had questions about the documents. Upon my return, I called HR to discuss the forms and I wasn’t provided clear information. I then emailed the VP of HR to ask why six days of my accrued sick time was used during my leave (for which I was paid). I was told it is the policy of the company.

There is nothing in writing in the company policy that states this will happen. I offered to pay back the money as what I wanted was the return of the six days accrued sick time. It has been almost a month now without my request being honored, even though I have spoken to my supervisor and again with HR. Do they have a right to do this? I think not. I was told by my supervisor that she will speak with HR again to see what can be done.

Yes, they do have the legal right to do that. They can require that you use up any paid leave that you have accrued before unpaid leave kicks in. It sounds like this was leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), and that’s explicitly allowed under that law (but even if it wasn’t FMLA leave, your company can have that as their own policy).

It sounds like they didn’t explain it to you well ahead of time, but it’s definitely legal.