should our office stop cake collections, disclosing a wage garnishment, and more

by Alison Green on December 24, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should our office stop collecting money for cards and cakes when people leave?

In my office, there is a custom that when a colleague leaves, folks in the office contribute a few dollars towards a card, a farewell cake, or similar. It used to be mostly informal with someone doing the rounds with cap in hand. Is it appropriate?

More importantly, the HR manager has recently started coordinating this initiative — with all the best intentions, but I’m afraid it may seem like an imposition if it comes from an HR person. As head of office, should I allow this to continue?

No, you should stop it, and good for you for thinking about it because all too often people don’t. You should stop it because it usually results in people feeling pressured to contribute even if they don’t want to or can’t afford to. And that’s especially true if HR is coordinating it.

If the company wants to give cards or cakes to people who are leaving (which is a nice thing to do), the company should pay for it. Don’t let it be funded by employees.

2. Am I obligated to stay in my job while covering for a colleague on maternity leave?

I work as a client relationship associate supporting an senior executive with a roster of about 20 clients. My role is underpaid (woefully) and under recognized by management. I took this job after six months of unemployment almost three years ago and have excelled at it – I have more than 20 years of business experience. The people in my position really run the day-to-day operations and our executives are thankful and generous, but management is not. After no raises and no way to move up in the organization, they brought in another executive without posting the role for any of us who would like to apply.

The person I currently support is going on maternity leave for 12-16 weeks, and I am tasked with supporting our clients while she is gone. I am not getting an increase in my hourly rate, but the company has agreed to pay me a flat monthly fee for the time I am in this role. Once she comes back, I will revert to my regular rate, no monthly fee. I was told that if in the future “a role opens up, you will have a leg up because you’ve done it.”

Here’s the rub – I will have an opportunity in Q1 of 2016 to move into a role more in line with my experience, with more money and more responsibility, more recognition, less drama. What’s my obligation to stay in my current role to fill out the maternity leave? I have nothing in writing, just an expectation that I will handle the role for the expected maternity leave.

Your obligation to stay is zero. People leave jobs while covering for colleagues on leave all the time. Give appropriate notice, of course, and leave your work in good shape, but do what’s best for you.

For what it’s worth, it’s not really outrageous that your pay will revert back once your colleague returns; that’s pretty normal. And it’s not necessarily outrageous that they hired someone without giving internal candidates a chance to apply; if they knew that no current employees would be real contenders (and there are many situations where that’s legitimately the case), that’s reasonable for them to do, rather than going through the motions for the sake of appearances. I don’t know if that’s useful or annoying to hear, but it sounds like you might be so frustrated with the company that it’s coloring your interpretation of everything they do (which is all the more reason to leave if you get a good opportunity.

3. When should I disclose a wage garnishment?

I’ve been at my current job for a little less than six months now. My employer has been more than accommodating, and all things considered, he is generally a great boss. However, the work itself is not fulfilling and it has inspired me to look for a new career. I’ve heavily thrown myself into the job market, and have applied and interviewed for positions with companies that want to fill their respective positions by the beginning of the year, meaning that I may very well end up with a new job in a few weeks.

However, because of a silly mistake in my earlier years, I have a wage garnishment from my state for a speeding ticket that I completely forgot about. Is it better to disclose this fact now before they make me an offer, or would it be better to approach this topic once I get hired? Or, alternatively, would I just not discuss it at all? (If I were to get a new job, I’d simply pay off the rest of the garnishment with my increased salary.)

If you’re going to pay it off within a few weeks of starting the new job, you probably don’t have to disclose it at all because the new employer will probably never hear about it. If it might take longer that that, you’re legally required to report the change in job to either the court that issued the garnishment or the creditor (I’m not sure which; check your local laws), and around the time that you do that, you should alert whoever handles payroll at your new employer so they’re in the loop. However, you certainly don’t need to disclose it before you get an offer or before you start the job; treat this as a minor logistical thing, not something that could cause you to lose an offer.

Also, it might give you some peace of mind to know that federal law prohibits employers from firing someone for having one wage garnishment (although it doesn’t prohibit it for two or more garnishments).

4. When should I tell job candidates that I’m pregnant?

I am a fairly new manager, hiring my first direct report. After an initial phone screen and brief online exercise, I will bring the top candidates (1-3, depending on the outcome of the phone screen/exercise) to our office for a final round of interviews with me and several others. My question is around when or if I should tell the finalists that I’m expecting my first child this summer. The person should have at least 3 months overlap with me before I go out for at least 3 months. This will slightly change the nature of the position, as they’ll have to fill in for some tasks and/or work with others on tasks that I would normally handle and that would not normally be part of their responsibilities.

I want them to have all the information they need to make a good decision on taking the offer and ultimately be happy in the role, but I don’t want to divulge what might be seen as personal information too early. Should I tell the candidates when I invite them for the final round? During that day? Only when making an offer? Something else? For the record, my supervisor and colleagues do know about the pregnancy.

I wouldn’t worry about it being seen as divulging personal information; you’re giving them work-related information about the job expectations. I’d mention it some point during the interview process — not as a big deal, but just simple and matter-of fact. For example: “I’ll be out on maternity leave for three months over the summer, so I’d like this person to start by April in order to have three months overlap with me before that, since they’ll be covering some work that I normally handle.”

I wouldn’t wait until the offer stage or do it when issuing a final interview invitation because that makes it seem too much like “drawback that I must now disclose to you” rather than “pretty common thing that happens in the course of business.” Just do it in the normal course of talking about the job.

5. How to share a portfolio of work at the phone interview stage

I have built up quite a large portfolio of work with my most recent job. I have examples of everything from marketing materials to training manuals that I created. Most of the jobs that I apply for have the initial phone screening interview, which I sometimes bomb. Recently, I had a phone interview for a great position that would carry me much further up the ladder in my career. I was nervous, I fumbled with some of my answers, and I was recovering from the flu (which did not help). On a side note, I explained to the interviewer that I was sick and she was sympathetic, and we bonded a little over both having toddlers, but I digress. I feel like the portfolio is a good way to confirm the skills I speak of which I speak so highly. Only, during a phone interview there is no chance to flip through the binder.

Is it okay to mention that I have a portfolio and how would I go about doing that? Do I mention that I have one and would like to send a digital copy to them? Or is it best to wait until I have the face-to-face interview and bring it up then?

Put it online if possible (or in something like Dropbox), and then include a link to it on your resume.

If it’s too late for that, it’s fine to send a link to it when you’re confirming the phone interview. You’d just say something like, “In case it’s helpful, here’s a link to see a portfolio of my work.”

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update: our manager periodically flips out and jams her authority down our throats

by Alison Green on December 23, 2015

Remember the letter-writer whose manager flipped back and forth between trying to be friends and being angry and overly authoritative? Here’s the update.

After the initial situation, I decided it was necessary for me to have a difficult conversation with my manager to at least let her know my take on the situation and its effect on the team. She avoided the team for a week or two and I could not pin her down. Our 1-on-1s were cancelled and I couldn’t find her to find time. By the time she was around again, it felt awkward to bring up an issue that was now distant. I’ve worked with her long enough to know that this is a habit — cause a scene and disappear until it blows over.

A year later, I have insight into what happened. At the time of the explosion in our meeting (which wasn’t the last time this would happen), our manager had been concerned that we didn’t see her as our manager and she felt a need to show her authority. She did this with the explosion and then by excluding us from meetings integral to our work. As some commenters noted, she had been giving a directive from her manager and that’s why the issue was not up for debate. We were never told this. All of this was learned secondhand. We’ve struggled as a team with transparency and are often blindsided when information is shared.

Over the next few months, my manager started shutting me out of our work and then started withholding information from individual team members. I literally had 10 hours of work per week for the next few months. My manager knew this. I think it was her form of punishment for doubting her authority. At first I thought I was failing in my job to find the time and work, so eventually I had a meeting with my manager. We had lunch and I shared with her my desire to grow in my role and understand what I was missing about my job, that I couldn’t grow. Her response was that she had intentionally neglected me as a manager because she knew I needed that to move on to the next level. She even went as far as to say that she KNEW she shouldn’t do it and it went against all normal managerial protocol. Her suggestion was to go talk to another team about opportunities there. She set up a lunch date. I had no interest in switching teams at this point, but had enormous doubts about my career trajectory. I also learned she was certain that her employees wanted to switch teams (not true), and she was positive that’s what my conversation was about.

Fast forward 1 year… At the end of the day, this truly was a new manager episode. My manager has settled more into her role as our manager and become more okay with being a person of authority. She is more comfortable not knowing things and letting us be the experts in our domains. She still doesn’t excel at transparency, vision, goal setting, coaching, or any of the traits my colleagues and I want out of a manager, but we accept this about her.

The team drove conversations around roles/responsibilities – this went on for months with no conclusion because our manager was unable to define what her roles or responsibilities were. While she was impressed with our work, we knew we had to shelve it, since she couldn’t commit to her piece. As things would have it, she eventually got a promotion and since that promotion has stepped out of the day-to-day entirely. Since stepping away from the tactical work to focus on [we don’t know], the team has grown exponentially. My colleagues and I are able to drive the conversations and relationships that were once withheld from us. Our team became a truly high-performing team.

Recently, my manager had another blow up in front of my colleagues that left us all befuddled because she obviously mistook a comment from the team and spun it in a different direction. She stormed away and mumbled angrily about us. I immediately confronted her and clarified the comment. She played it off and avoided the conversation. The good news is that she apologized for it two weeks later… Growth is growth.

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4 big productivity traps for managers

by Alison Green on December 23, 2015

If you’re a manager, you probably struggle mightily with time management; it’s pretty common for managers to feel like there are more demands on their time than time to meet them. But what if you’re inadvertently making choices that are undoing your best time management efforts?

Some common managerial practices can look like the right choices on the surface, but in actuality will become time sucks without much impact. See if you recognize yourself in any of these four big productivity traps for managers.

1. Using one-on-ones primarily for status updates. If your check-in meetings with staff consist mainly of the person running down a list of projects and their status (which probably often is just “everything’s going well”), it’s time to give these meetings a makeover. You’ll make far better use of this time if you use it to give feedback, debrief recent work, balance priorities, and provide a “one level up” perspective.

2. Sitting in meetings that don’t really need to be in. Ever feel like you spend half your working life sitting in meetings? Lots of people, especially managers, feel this way, but hardly ever do they proactively take steps to excuse themselves. If you find yourself in meetings where your input isn’t often particularly valuable, why not consider whether you need to attend at all? Is there someone else from your team who could go in your place (and who might actually see it as professional growth to get to represent you, their manager, there)? Can you attend less frequently, like every other time or every third time? Can you back out entirely? Ask someone to send you notes afterwards? In many contexts, it’s perfectly reasonable to say, “I’m swamped right now and trying to carve out more room in my schedule. Let’s try these without me for a while and see how they go.”

3. Allowing constant interruptions to have their way with your schedule. If your work and focus are regularly thrown off by people dropping by with questions and updates, you probably find that it’s tough to tend to your own priorities. You of course don’t want to become inaccessible to your staff, but that doesn’t mean that you should field any interruption at any time. For your most important work, consider scheduling work blocks where people know not to interrupt you, and don’t be afraid to say, “I’m in a work block right now, so can we talk later?” or  “I’m on a deadline so I’d love to save that for our check-in tomorrow unless it’s urgent.” You also might need to give your team clearer guidance on when to interrupt you, what to save for a regular check-in, and what they’re authorized to handle themselves.

4. Not delegating real ownership. Sometimes managers use their team members as “helpers” who assist them in carrying out tasks, rather than giving them real ownership over big chunks of work. This leaves the manager having to do all the work of deciding what needs to be done, coming up with a plan, assigning the work, fielding unexpected developments and assigning someone to handle those, and generally carrying all the emotional weight of ensuring work is successful. It also tends to leave team members feeling under-utilized and unfulfilled.) But if you instead assign more meaningful roles, ones that are responsible for broad responsibilities and – most importantly – outcomes rather than just activities, you can transfer much of that to your team and stop needing to identify and delegate every piece of work that comes up.

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how to convince an interviewer I’m okay with admin work, even with a master’s degree

by Alison Green on December 23, 2015

A reader writes:

I’m wondering about how to reassure interviewers that I am able and willing to perform administrative tasks despite the fact that I have a master’s degree and have some higher-level work experience.

Some background: I’m in my mid-twenties and have done a lot of internships, part-time jobs, and AmeriCorps, and am looking for my first full-time salaried position in the nonprofit world. I graduated with my master’s last June and moved to a very progressive metro area with an extremely tight nonprofit job market. Given my background and the tough market, I am finding myself applying to positions that either a) expect a master’s degree but also seem to want more paid work experience than I have, or b) ask for only a bachelor’s and are heavily administrative, but are with organizations that I really admire. While admin work isn’t exactly my dream, I think I can do it capably and know that that may be my best option to get some more full-time experience under my belt.

In my last two interviews in jobs from category B, interviewers have asked me point-blank how I feel about the heavy admin duties required for the job, given my education and some of my past experience. It doesn’t seem reassuring enough to just say “I’m fine with it,” and it seems like it would be obviously disingenuous to claim that I truly want to be doing admin work forever when my education says otherwise. Any ideas for good responses to this question?

If I’m asking that in an interview, I want to hear something like, “I know it’s a big part of the job, and that admin work is really crucial in keeping things running smoothly.” Or — if it’s true, and only if it’s true — “I’m obsessive about organizing and making things run well, so that part of the job actually really appeals to me.” Or “I’m excited about learning more about how an organization like X runs, and I know that at this stage in my career, a job with a heavy admin component is the best way to do it — and as someone who’s obsessively organized, I’d look forward to taking that on.”

I also, frankly, would probably want to hear why you’re okay with doing work outside of the field you got your master’s degree in, if indeed that’s the case. Which is one of the annoying things about having a master’s in some situations.

Overall, though, the key is to figure what’s really true for you and then to communicate that in a credible way.

What I wouldn’t want to hear: answers that sound like you’re begrudgingly accepting the admin work, or that you haven’t thought through what that will really be like or that you’re underestimating how much admin work the job entails, or that you think that if you quickly prove yourself at more glamorous aspects of the work, you won’t really have to do the admin work anymore.

If you realize that any of those do describe your thinking, that’s a flag to either reconsider applying for those jobs or reposition your thinking so that one of the answers in my first paragraph actually becomes true.

Also, it might be helpful to realize that you don’t necessarily need to want to do admin work forever in order to be a good candidate for these jobs now. In nonprofit work in particular, hiring managers are often looking for candidates who are driven to eventually move on to something other than admin work, but who recognize that it’ll give them necessary experience at an early stage on their career and who are smart, highly organized, great with details, good at problem-solving, pleasant, and flexible, and who thrive on making things run well and a excited to support their mission. If you can show that you have those traits, and that you are indeed okay with a bunch of admin work for a couple of years, you can end up as a pretty desirable candidate.

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everyone knew I was fired before I knew, losing a bonus, and more

by Alison Green on December 23, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Everyone knew I was fired before I knew

I recently got into trouble at work, where I took complete blame for it. I was called into the office, where I was told I would be suspended for five days (two of them being non-business days) I was told that I had to call on the fifth day and ask if my job would still be available to me. I asked if anyone was going to find out about the incident because if I did keep my job I didn’t want them to think differently of me, and I was told everything would be confidential. I asked because in previous situations, security finds out and since they are friends with other employees, they spread rumors and make sure everyone in the store finds out.

On the third day of my suspension, I received a message from my friend (to who I didn’t mention anything about the situation) asking why I got fired. I still didn’t tell her anything; I just told her I was suspended but didn’t even give her a reason why. I guess security started telling everyone that corporate made the decision to fire me, which I had no idea about. Is this violation of my privacy rights?

No. You don’t really have many privacy rights at work, and this isn’t one of them. In this situation, it sounds like your security team is either incredibly unprofessional and needs to be reined in, or they’re doing exactly what they should and letting people know that Employee X has been let go and shouldn’t be allowed on the premises or otherwise treated as a current employee. (They’d do that because they don’t want someone mistakenly thinking the person is still employed there and giving them access that they no longer should have.) I don’t know which one it is, but in general, yeah, assume that if you’re fired, your employer can tell other employees about it.

Also: Don’t take your friend’s or security’s word for this and assume you’re fired without actually hearing it directly from your employer. It’s possible that “suddenly gone without explanation” is reading to people as “fired,” but you might not be, and you should still call in on the fifth day of your suspension as they told you to.

2. My manager asked me to work nights even though I have a doctor’s note saying I shouldn’t

I work for a hotel and have been there for five years. Due to working on multiple shifts during a 24-hour period, I was showing extreme signs of shift work sleep disorder (including falling asleep at the wheel of a vehicle, though thankfully it was a residential area and I didn’t hit anything; the car simply drifted to a stop against the curb). I went to a neurologist and he oversaw the symptoms and gave me a note to give my workplace that states I can no longer work overnights.

Fast forward six months to my yearly review, and my manager asks me point blank if I would cover it if the night auditor calls out. I felt weird about answering, and so all I told her was that shifts would be rearranged to cover a night auditor absence. I in no way suggested that I myself would do it.

Today I received a text telling me that the overnight shift had to be covered by me or another coworker. I told my manager that I could not cover it. Am I right in feeling like she shouldn’t be asking this? What else can I do to make it clear that I will in no way go back to doing overnights again? I work in New Jersey (if that helps).

I’d start from the assumption that she simply doesn’t remember that you can’t work nights, and remind her of that. Say this: “Remember, I had a medical reason to not work nights. But I can talk with Jane to see whether she can cover the shift.” If she tells you that you need to do it anyway, then you’d need to look into whether the ADA might cover you in this situation, but before you go down that road, assume she simply doesn’t remember — which is really a likely scenario here. (Managers often don’t remember things that employees assume they remember — like accommodations that aren’t regularly on their radar, schedule restrictions, etc. — simply because they have a zillion other things they’re juggling.)

3. How to stop gifting upwards when I’ve traditionally done it

I have read–and really appreciate and agree with–your advice and rationale against “gifting up” at work. One thing I haven’t seen addressed, however, is what to do if you have, in the past, gifted up. This is my third holiday season at my current position, and in each of the past two years I’ve given a gift to my boss, in the $50-$60 range. He’s never said anything about it (except thank you–he didn’t seem surprised or bothered), but now I feel a little embarrassed and regretful about it. And even worse, I feel like now if I don’t give a gift this year, after doing so the past two, it will seem odd or rude. (We’re in a small department–previously three, and now four, employees; all three of us report to my boss, but I am the most senior of the three reports and the other two provide administrative assistance to both of us. I planned on small gift cards and candles or something similar for the other two.) Buying a gift in the $50 range for my boss isn’t a financial hardship, but wondering about the best approach going forward.

I actually think it would be totally fine to stop cold-turkey and not worry about it. (Your boss would have to be a real boor to have an issue with that.) But if you’re not comfortable with that, I’d make this your transition year; do a less significant gift, like baked goods or other food. Then next year, you can either stick with that or stop altogether.

4. Losing a bonus after giving notice in December

My husband has worked for a pizza place for 10 years. He recently interviewed for a new job and got the position. He gave his job at the pizza place a three-week notice. He just found out that they are giving out Christmas bonuses to all of the general managers except him since he is leaving the company. How can they discriminate against him like that? He has done everything that all the other general managers have done, he has worked there all year, and he worked for the whole month of December until his last day. He is still part of the company and is still considered an employee of the company. Why are they giving everyone a bonus except him? They’re giving out the bonus while he is still working for them and is still employed by them. Is this legal?

It’s legal, and it’s pretty common. Bonuses are often used as retention strategies, and they have no incentive to pay it when it’s clearly not going to help retain him. Some people wait to give notice until after they receive their end-of-year bonus for exactly that reason, or negotiate with their new company to cover the bonus they’ll lose by leaving in December. (Obviously not every employer is willing to do that, but my point is that losing out on a bonus because you’re leaving is pretty common.)

5. Should I keep applying on my own if I’m also working with a recruiter?

I am 33 and in the process of attempting to shift careers. I worked as a teapot review writer for a time (what I studied in college), then left when the job market started going south. I’ve been working in retail for most of the past six years and am looking to try and use my writing skills again. I’ve connected with a great recruiter at an agency (a trusted former coworker of mine from a few years back) and she thinks it should be pretty smooth sailing to get me into a teapot marketing position (one area I’d be interested in working in) within a month or two of the new year.

However, I’ve been doing this dance on my own for nearly 18 months. A few interview bites, no offers. I’m skeptical of her timeline for a reason — and this is my first experience with an agency. My question: Is it okay to continue applying for jobs once you start working with a recruiter at an agency? For instance, if I find a job on craigslist that I’m interested in, do I need to send the job posting to her, or can I just apply on my own?

Apply on your own. It’s really, really normal to continue your own job searching while you’re working with a recruiter; in fact, it would be a mistake not to.

Keep in mind that a recruiter doesn’t work for you; her job isn’t to find you a job, and there’s no guarantee that she actually will. Recruiters work for the companies that hire them, and their job is to fill positions, not to get specific people jobs.

And even if you sent her a job posting, she couldn’t do anything to help you with it if it wasn’t an opening at one of her clients. She needs to have a contract with employers before sending them applicants (at least if she wants to get paid for the work, which she does). Having her submit your application to an employer who isn’t already her client won’t give you an advantage — and in fact, it could disadvantage you, since many employers won’t consider applications that come through recruiters who they’re not already working with (again, because of the fees).

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update: my coworker was arrested for DUI and hasn’t told our employer

by Alison Green on December 22, 2015

Remember the letter-writer whose coworker was arrested for DUI but hadn’t told their employer, despite driving being a big part of the job? Here’s the update.

I wanted to thank Alison for answering my letter and for the insight of the AAM community. I will start off by saying that the MYOB crowd was absolutely way off base on this one – the situation put all of our jobs independently at risk and our contract as a whole at risk (so, basically everyone at our client’s location). I am totally a MYOB person but this just couldn’t be “let go.”

I’m also a very direct person, but I liked the idea of going straight to my boss given the fact that I just don’t know this guy very well and I wasn’t totally comfortable speaking with him. However, my other coworker in the carpool has been here longer and assured me it would be fine for the carpool to have a conversation with him (because honestly, whether or not he likes confrontation, he has to learn how to be an adult and deal with it).

We didn’t all jump in and gang up on him – we just brought up the fact that keeping it quiet was an issue (and why) and that we were now in pretty awful spots by keeping it quiet as well. We highlighted the fact that for the sake of his own job, the sooner he came clean the better. That got one pretty snarky comment but I handled it – it’s not our fault he made a poor choice, so we shouldn’t have to deal with it.

It ended up being okay – he talked to his boss that day and was told to disclose the situation to the main office by X date. The coworkers on his team (and ultimately the only ones affected by his inability to drive at work) were informed and took care of making sure he did as he was told. He was pretty quiet for about a week and spent some time working on getting a restricted license for work. It all ended up coming through pretty quickly once he started actually trying to figure things out for himself, and I think our company was pretty lenient (though probably understood that this guy honestly didn’t even think about the fact that this situation impacted his job).

Also, very unexpectedly, he apologized to us (and confirmed my suspicions that he really just had no clue how big of a deal it was for us to know and not tell). Our company just released a new handbook for 2016 along with a bunch of other documents and we now have a company-required track to take for things like this in the future. I don’t think everything has blown over quite yet, but at least our part in this is done. I think the moral of the story is that transparency is really important – people make mistakes, but how you handle the aftermath is what matters the most in the long run.

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where are they now: 3 more updates from letter-writers

by Alison Green on December 22, 2015

Here are three updates from letter-writers who had their questions answered here this year.

1. I’m sick of being the office therapist

I did see your call for updates and to be honest, felt a bit ashamed. My progress here is not where I want it to be and this continues to be a struggle. On the bright side, I’ve pared down the unhealthy interactions to a small group of three. One of the women I now consider a friend outside of work and she is reciprocal with listening and the occasional venting. This friendship works for me and I trust her. The other two are the bane of my existence. The worst offender has been the worst, no surprise there – sending a barrage of passive aggressive texts and emails (to which I never respond), badmouthing me constantly when I’m not around (which I find out from the other two). She is very nice to my face, even going so far as to leave random gifts and treats like cupcakes and packs of gum on my desk. It’s so manipulative. Then I hear about the disparaging things she says behind my back – personal things, never work-related. I’m not too concerned with her because our assignments only sort of overlap and we’re equals on the company ladder. I’m really trying to keep it professional and polished but she stresses me out. I want her to just be my co-worker and leave the rest alone but it’s become pretty obvious that she’s dysfunctional in all of her relationships, both personally and professionally. I see her doing the same thing to other co-workers, now that I’m more aware of it.

I know that almost all of it comes down to my own emotional boundaries and responsibilities and what have historically allowed. Her behavior toward me exists only because I used to let it happen daily. The third person I mention isn’t a big deal, just the occasional complaints and general negativity. When I brusquely change the subject, he picks up on the social cue and it’s becoming less frequent.

Now that I’ve had some time since you originally answered my letter, I’m seeing the whole thing as a case study – both in how I can improve as a legitimate person in the workforce and in how the nature/culture of my company is a little bit toxic and lacking boundaries. To summarize, it still falls on me to have a zero tolerance policy and be more consistent with the boundary. I still need to be more professional and cautious, focused on the big picture and my role. I’m a high achiever within my department but I’m positive that the interpersonal stuff has held me back in terms of moving upward. I’m a work in progress and I’m not going to give up.

Thanks again for the good advice, and to all of the thoughtful commenters too.

2. Should I warn my staff about a medication’s mood-altering side effects?

I did end up giving a very vague, “sorry if I seem off, it’s not you, it’s me.” Your response offered me a different perspective, which I appreciated, and while there were plenty of reasons not to, I err’d on the side of a vague explanation. My staff took it well, and the general consensus was “thanks for letting us know.” In hindsight, I think it was my own anxiety fueling this desire to be transparent–I was so worried about my mood affecting their work that it seemed a logical conclusion. Since then, I’ve fully adjusted to my dosage and have been doing much better.

So at work, this resolved; however, some of the comments left a very sour taste in my mouth. Someone commented that I must “fancy myself disabled” which frankly, was a grossly offensive conclusion to reach. Mental health unfortunately is such a dicey topic, but I expected better from AAM readers.

Note from Alison about this: That was indeed a messed-up thing for someone to say.

Can I address that though? The reality is that whenever you bring together a large group of strangers from diverse walks of life together, you’ll end up with lots of varying viewpoints and some of them may sound off-base or outright offensive. But those tend to be outliers, and I’d hate to see them taken as representative of the site’s commenters in general, because it’s not representative of the majority of voices here (although of course when something seems especially off-base or shocking, it’s easier for it to loom larger than everything else). I want to point this out because I’ve seen people sometimes give inordinate weight to the comments of one or two people and let those one or two people characterize the discussion in their minds, when literally hundreds of others are saying something different.

In any case, I’m glad you’re doing better!

3. I’m being asked to take the Meyers-Briggs test as part of applying to a training program

Thanks so much to you and all the commenters for your feedback on my struggles with the Myers Briggs.

After my question ran, I read this article. Similar to how ardent followers feel after taking Myers Briggs, I felt a great sense of relief and a logical justification for why the test turned me off after all these years. In summary: the two people who developed the test have no zero psychological background; no one fits into two diametrically opposed categories all the time; the results can’t be duplicated; and no psychology professional would ever use it in her work. In other words, the results are BS. (Note from Alison: I’m presenting the letter here unedited but probably am obligated to note that I haven’t fact-checked any of this — although I do see that the National Academy of Sciences review committee judged that the test hasn’t demonstrated adequate validity.)

I asked the HR manager about the role of Myers Briggs in the management trainings. She said it was one of three tests used in the training she oversees — the other was a 360 feedback and one other I can’t remember. She said, “The results are used as a way to know yourself better in the workplace, but it’s not used exclusively in any way, including screening.” But when I broached the issues laid out in the article, the HR manager immediately defended the test and insisted we keep using it.

I also found the source of why some people introduce themselves with their test result. One other executive training had people take Myers Briggs beforehand so that the training leaders could openly discuss the results. Each participant’s result was announced and discussed by everyone. (Ew!) Then participants were lined up according to their rating. At the end, everyone was encouraged to broadcast their Myers Briggs personality type when they met new people, even going as far as to put it on your business card.

More departments are spending thousands of dollars for this test, and that makes me cringe because we’re facing budget shortfalls. I once brought up the Vox article in a staff meeting, and I immediately got some nasty responses. I suppose that the guaranteed certainty of the results is what makes people cling to it even in the face of scientific criticism.

Rather than try to change the tide, I took one of your commenters’ advice. From now on, I’m going to fool the test. If I’m applying for a management position, I’ll tick off the boxes for an extroverted leader. If I’m applying for something that takes quiet dedication, I’ll tick off the boxes for an introverted worker.

Yet another note from Alison: I totally understand why you’ve ended up there, but presenting yourself as something you’re not during a hiring process is a good way to end up in a job that isn’t a good fit — or where your manager doesn’t think you’re a good fit, which can be worse — so proceed with caution there.

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how honest should we be about why we’re transferring a client (who sent a creepy, inappropriate email)?

by Alison Green on December 22, 2015

A reader writes:

I’m in a helping profession. Yesterday, I met with a new potential client who was just released from jail after a significant amount of time for rape. We spoke about his skills and education and I gave him some tasks to complete (required by our grant). An hour and a half after he left, I got a long email asking me to text him privately. He wrote a lot about how lonely he is and how pretty I am. The whole thing was very inappropriate, and I felt scared and forwarded the messages to my manager.

My manager is awesome and fantastically protective and supportive of her staff (there is a reason our team has the lowest turnover in the entire place). I work offsite in an office with no security and few people. She immediately stated that she’d transfer his case to a coworker in the main office where there are actual security precautions (including security officers making rounds).

Here is what we did: We have a new coworker who needs to build a caseload at the main office. My supervisor called the client to tell him that his case is being transferred because I’m super busy and that a new caseworker had been hired to help relieve me (which is true).

Part of me feels that this was the best way since we don’t particularly want to make clients uncomfortable or defensive. On the other hand, I wonder if I should have given him feedback about the email. I’ve read the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, so I listened when my brain sent me danger signals, but I can’t help but wonder if I have done the client a disservice. What is your take on this?

I’d defer to people who work in this field and have actual expertise in it, but barring objections from those quarters, it seems to me that there are two important reasons to tell the client that the message he sent you was inappropriate and that he can’t do that again if he wants to continue working with your organization: (1) He needs to hear that that behavior isn’t okay — either because he genuinely doesn’t know and needs to be told, or because he knows but thinks he can get away with it anyway and needs to hear that he can’t. (2) Your employer should do what it can to stop this from happening again, and “hey, you can’t do this” is a basic part of that.

I do like that you found a solution that allows the client to continue getting the services that your organization provides, but that the person who now feels unsafe with him won’t be required to work with him. I also like that the person who works with him in the future is in an office with tighter security measures.

I’m assuming that you had input into this decision, and your manager didn’t just remove the client from you without making sure you were comfortable with that or without knowing you well enough to know you’d want this. That’s important, because the consequence of being harassed shouldn’t be “you lose this client/project/responsibility” unless you actually want that. (In this case, I’m guessing that you did, but it’s worth noting because in other cases with different details, it might be preferable to handle it differently and you should get some say in that.)

I’m also assuming that the new coworker who will take over the client has been briefed on what happened, and — especially since that person is new — is being coached on how to handle it if the same issue comes up again. If not, definitely make sure that happens.

But yeah, I think ideally someone would have called out the client on what he did and made it clear he can’t do it again. It might be too late for that to happen now, since it might make it clear that the transfer was more of a cover story and that could cause its own issues. And I think it’s fine to leave it right where it is, if that’s what you feel safest with. But it’s potentially an interesting question to talk over with your manager for the future, if nothing else.

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manager asked about religion, new job was a scam, and more

by Alison Green on December 22, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Manager asked about religion when I asked to take a day off

My workplace has an unfortunately named paid time off day called “Religious Day.” It’s essentially a personal day that’s granted when someone is hired, without the need for accrual. Besides the name, the staff handbook does not specify what this day is to be used for. If you’re not religious, it seems like just another day of paid time off similar to a personal day.

I requested my religious day and my manager’s response over email was, “what are you celebrating?” I did not reply. I had to speak with them on the phone regarding something else, when they brought this up again. I told them it is my birthday, to which they replied, “I think it’s inappropriate to use a religious day for a non-religious purpose.” They said they were going to HR. I don’t know anything more about the conversation with HR, but the day was subsequently approved.

I am curious about this. Am I on solid ground here? I think I am free to use the day as I choose (subject to work coverage) and my manager shouldn’t be probing into my religion.

It sounds like your HR department agreed with you, as they should have since the way your manager wanted to handle this is coming awfully close to discriminating on the basis of religion, which is illegal. After all, if you aren’t religious and so have no “legitimate” use for the day and thus can’t take it, your company would be illegally favoring religious employees over non-religious employees. Your manager was out of line.

2. My office is gossiping about how much time a married male coworker is spending with a new female hire

I have a peer named Fergus, who has been seen around the office talking quietly with a new, young female coworker (Felicity). Fergus is a manager in our office and is married to someone we all used to work with. People are starting to notice and talk about how much time Fergus and Felicity are spending together. Felicity doesn’t do the same job as us, but it is possible he is mentoring her in some way.

I have already decided that I am not going to say anything to him about how this relationship is starting to look. I am not a super close friend. But one of my close friends is his direct manager. She has been hearing a lot of people mention how much time they spend together and is wondering if she should say something to him. And if so, how should she approach it? My friend’s main concern is he doesn’t realize how bad it looks and that people close to his wife are taking notice. I offered to post the question to you.

I’d rather see you and his manager shut this down when you hear it come up, by telling people to stop gossiping and pointing out that they could do real damage to Fergus’s and Felicity’s reputations and to Fergus’s marriage, without having any real grounds for it. Seeing them spending a lot of time together talking quietly isn’t a damning sign of an affair, and it’s the sort of thing that probably wouldn’t raise eyebrows at all if they were both men or both women.

That said, if the gossip is getting intense, then his manager might be doing him a favor by mentioning it to him. Her message shouldn’t be “you need to shut this down” or “this looks inappropriate,” but more “hey, I felt weird knowing that people are talking about this and not passing it on to you in case it becomes more of an issue.”

3. My new job was a scam

I was employed by a businessman through a website. I never met him because he was out of state. He needed an assistant to help with his patients and such. No biggie, right? He began texting me asking when I was available to start my first task and I told him. He told me that he sent a paycheck. It shocked me because I had not even done a single assignment so I was confused. It came within a day through express mailing. In the package was a check for $2,400! I began to get nervous and he told me to deposit it because I’d have to send a part of that money to a client. So I did, although I had a bad feeling about it. With such a large deposit, only $200 was made available. He then gave me instructions to go to a Money Gram nearby my neighborhood and told me to send out $180 to a client in Georgia. While the check was going through the processes of being checked by my bank, he kept bugging me about it even though I told him I would let him know when it was available. After going through all that, I quit the job through text and told him that I would send all the money back to him when it’s available. I felt really uncomfortable with the tasks he was giving me.

Soon after, I got an email that the check was declined and I told him. My bank account dropped down to a negative of $155 because the $200 I took out was now taken out of my own money. I told him that he needs to pay me back, but he did not respond. I have all the documents of the transaction that was made — a copy of the check and all the receipts. What should I do?

So … this is a really common scam — they send you a large check and ask you to deposit it and then send part of that money somewhere else. Then the check bounces and you’re out the money you sent.

You should report it to your bank and file a police report, but that money may be gone for good, I’m sorry to say.

4. Should I write my own LinkedIn recommendations for other people to post about me?

I’m in Russia, where it is 99.99% expected that you are going to write your own recommendation letters for other people to just sign.

How would it reflect on me to have LinkedIn recommendations from people I didn’t directly report to? Not just random people, I’m talking CFO, SEO, deputy COO. The problem is, I can’t ask them to write recommendations (they are very busy) and would have to do it myself on their behalf. But I also can’t write so many truthful and normal-sounding recommendations (without BS like “great team player,” ” dedicated over-achiever,” etc.) without them being short and kinda samey (“he is great and smart and helpful”).

Is this a good idea at all? Or is this a good idea but I should make recommendations more detail-specific? I’m hesitant to do that because I don’t think that’s how humans would talk when recommending someone, so it would feel weird and obvious that they didn’t write the text themselves.

I wouldn’t, for a couple of reasons. First, recommendations are much more effective when they’re specific and don’t all sound alike. Second — and probably more importantly — it’s just not worth putting a lot of energy into LinkedIn recommendations because most hiring managers don’t put much weight on them. That’s partly because they’re public (so obviously no one is going to say something critical about you there), partly because they’re so off done as write-for-me-and-I’ll-write-one-for-you trades, and partly because the value of a reference lies in being able to ask specific, targeted questions and not just reading a pre-written statement.

5. Short-term jobs on a resume

I have a couple of short-term positions on my resume, and I’m wondering how to best indicate that these were term positions and that I’m not a job hopper and wasn’t let go. They’re extremely relevant to the work I want to continue doing and one is fairly prestigious, so leaving them off isn’t a good option.

As long as you make it clear that these were intended from the start to be short-term, you won’t look like a job hopper. You can do that like this:

* Teapot Coordinator (short-term contract)
* Teapot Mender (temporary)
* Teapot Assistant (internship)

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update: my boyfriend has my old job and there’s tons of drama

by Alison Green on December 21, 2015

Remember the letter-writer whose boyfriend had her old job and was being treated badly by a board member? Here’s the update.

The museum’s operating season ended one week after you posted your response to my question about what to do about Pat. At that time, per your advice, I started slowly getting rid of my volunteer duties by letting the board know that I was resigning my position as chair for a semi-annual event. I also run the museum’s social media account, so I was waiting to decide what to do with those accounts in the new year, as we don’t post often in the off-season.

Pat requested an “employee review” between herself, a handful of other board members, and my boyfriend for this past Monday. When he arrived he was informed that they would not be renewing his employment for 2016. They [or, at least, Pat] cited a general disregard for the board and inability to complete the tasks of the job–most of the “examples” brought up being absolute bullshit, or things that were fully backed by other board members. Pat ran the meeting, and the few board members there are of the “don’t rock the boat” variety that have let Pat get away with controlling everything for years.

Since then we’ve been locked out of the museum’s email account–which makes sense, except I still do social media for the museum and now can’t get into the Google+ account or update the website. I might use that as a reason to remove myself as social media person at the museum– in a “Hey, because you’ve changed the password to the museum’s Gmail account and probably (understandably) don’t want to share the new password with me, I can amicably relinquish control of the Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram accounts too.”

My boyfriend might be upset, but I honestly can’t tell–he’s horrible at sharing emotions. But he does have a successful business that he can fall back on, and he rarely takes things personally. He still loves the site, he loves nearly all of the volunteers, and he is still on good terms with nearly everyone.

And now that he’s lost his job at the museum I’m no longer banned from being on the board. Pat has violated the board guidelines by being in the same position on the board for nearly two decades (the guidelines say that you can’t be on the board in any one position more than 3-5 years consecutively). So… we’ve been quietly plotting with a large contingent of unhappy volunteers to vote Pat out of the board at the next election in June, citing Pat’s violation of the board guidelines.

I know, I know, we’re feeding the drama. But Pat’s violations of the board guidelines could actually hurt the site further down the road, irregardless of the damage Pat is doing to the site right now (which is a whole other story I won’t get into that involves a bigger organization we answer to). And, of course, the other volunteers, my boyfriend, and I really do believe that it will help the site’s morale if Pat is taken out of the picture–even for one year or two.

Thank you, everyone, for your advice on this issue. It looks like it took care of itself and is no longer an employment issue, but a volunteer organization issue.

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