Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss made a pass at my coworker, who now wants to “take him down”

I work for a small tech company with about 13 employees. We have a lot of organizational issues, and we’re in the middle of a major restructuring. This requires me to work a lot with my boss, who is a man, alone.

Recently while out for lunch with another employee, she let me know that she went out bar-hopping with my boss, and while they were out he kissed her and begged her to leave her spouse. My boss is married, with two kids, and to make matters more complicated, his wife is the co-founder of our company. His wife also functions as our HR department.

I feel super uncomfortable knowing this information. I don’t want to be involved in any way, but my coworker won’t drop it. She refuses to quit, and talks constantly about “taking down my boss.” I also feel really weird working alone with my boss. I know what he did was wrong, and I can’t respect him for his behavior.

I really like my job, and I don’t want to quit. Morale has been low lately at in my office, but I’m content. I also have only been in my position for a few months, and it’s my big break into the industry I want to work in. Should I tell my coworker to report this? If not, how can I ask her to stop talking about it with me? Should I get out now?

Yes, you can ask her to stop talking to you about it and you can encourage her to report it if that’s what she wants to do. You could say something like, “Jane, I’m really uncomfortable continuing to hear about this. I strongly support you in reporting this if that’s something you want to do, but I don’t feel comfortable being a sounding board about taking anyone down.”

Interestingly, sexual harassment laws may not even come into play here, since federal harassment laws only apply to employers with 15 or more employees. However, many small companies are still quite invested in stopping harassment, and if your boss isn’t the owner — if he reports to someone above him — your coworker could report what happened to that person. (Clearly the HR department in this case — the dude’s wife — would be a tough place to report.)

As for whether you should get out, that’s a call only you can make. If you like your job, I don’t think there’s a moral imperative to quit because of this situation, but it really comes down to how you feel about the whole thing.

2. Asking to be invited to a work party

I’ve worked at a nonprofit for a little over two years, where I manage our sizeable group of volunteers. In addition to giving generously of their time, many of them also make significant financial contributions to our organization. Each year, the organization throws a holiday party for high-level donors. Only a handful of senior staff (mostly directors and fundraisers) are invited to the party. I’m not one of the few staff on the invitation list, which has never bothered me.

Until this year. Several volunteers contacted me in the week leading up to the party with questions (what to wear, where to park, etc), and I helped them as best I could and told them to have fun. There were a few times where I had to say something along the lines of “I don’t know, as this isn’t an event that I’m involved in, but here’s who you should talk to.” In the days after the party, quite a few volunteers mentioned that they missed seeing me there or that they looked for me there. It feels really awkward to say “I’m not a senior enough staff person to be invited to that event.”

I would estimate that about 80 of the volunteers who I serve as the direct contact for were invited to/attended this party. Not being invited really doesn’t bother me personally, but what does bother me is the possible perception that I skipped out on an event that I should have been at. Since I have such a close relationship with so many of our donors/volunteers, would it be reasonable for me to ask to be included in this event next year? I’m not really sure when or how to broach that conversation.

Yes. This isn’t like asking for an invitation to a social event that you were left out of; this is pointing out that it may make sense for your job and be beneficial to your organization for you to attend a work event. I would say this: “A number of volunteers told me after the party that they missed seeing me there or were trying to find me there. It made me think that it might make sense for the person in my role to attend the event next year, since I have so much contact with this group throughout the year. Is that something you’d be open to?”

3. Discouraging alumni from applying to my company

I’ve been working for the same company for four years, and it’s gone through a massive culture shift. When I first joined, everyone was super friendly and welcoming; people would host happy hours and fun events, everyone had a “work hard play hard” mentality, and we got a lot done but also genuinely enjoyed each others’ company.

However, after several reorganizations, new management, and a lot of people leaving, the culture is now competitive and cut-throat. Managers play favorites and there are these gross little “cliques” that are totally encouraged by directors. There are still some happy hours, but they’re a lot more exclusive now. I’m sure it’s fine if you’re in that inner circle, but not a lot of people are, and it seems pretty random who’s in and who’s not. (Some of the really tenured people are in and others aren’t; some new people are in and others are shunned; one of the least productive guys I know is always invited to sports games and other fun events; etc. – you get the idea.)

Unfortunately, this company is pretty well-known and still has the old reputation of being a great place to work. I went to a really small college and a few students who are about to graduate have reached out to me to ask about working there and my experience. I’ve sent all of them fairly candid letters back, telling them that I can’t write them a recommendation in good faith and suggest that they apply elsewhere. (I used to refer lots of fellow alums in, but they were constantly passed over for people who went to the same schools as the managers – usually “name brand” schools.)

I talked to my mom about this and she said that I could get in a lot of trouble if this ever got back to the managers. I told her that I’m just answering their question – they asked about my experience working there, and I’m telling them honestly that it’s not good. Could I actually get in trouble for this if any of those students did apply and told someone what I’ve said?

Yes, especially because you’re putting it in writing. If it ever somehow made it back to your employer, at a minimum it would really impact your standing there — and possibly worse.

You’re right to want to share your experiences with fellow alumni, but don’t do it like this. Instead, say something like, “Before you move forward with your application, I’d be glad to talk to you about my experiences here. Do you have time to jump on the phone?” Then, on the phone, it’s fine to share your impressions. Even then, though, you should try to be as objective as possible, and your framing should be “let me tell you what I’ve found to be the downsides” more than “don’t apply here.” Different people have different thresholds for the sort of problems you described, and some people may be happy to have their eyes open but still be willing to work there.

4. My company will fire me if I don’t accept a demotion to my old job

I work for a media agency and have been told by my manager that I do not having the necessary skills for my current job. But instead of firing me, they are giving me another option. It is getting back to my old job that I did several years back but which had been offshored to the Philippines. I will be reporting to the manager who is based out of the Philippines. The reason they want me is because they feel that they need someone locally since offshoring doesn’t work in some situations.

It looks like that the company is doing me a favor by giving me an option to keep a job within the company and if I don’t pick this opportunity, I will be fired. I just feel the whole situation is awkward because I am going backwards to step one of my career and secondly, I am much more senior than my manager in terms of skills and experience and also make much more than the manager in the Philippines. But I do love my old job and am very good at it and see there could be something positive, and after all the other option is being fired. But is this a wise decision or career suicide?

Without knowing more, I don’t know. It’s not inherently bad to go back to an old job, to have more experience than your manager, or even to make more than your manager (it’s very normal for U.S. salaries to be different than salaries in the Philippines because there’s a significant cost of living difference). But if this is a job you’d outgrown or work that you’d hoped to leave behind, then yes, it would be a step backwards and not necessarily a smart choice, depending on what other options you have. That last part is a critical detail here — you’d want to have a good sense of what other options are out there for you before figuring out if your old job is a smart choice for you or not.

5. Can I ask about salary in informational interviews?

I am in the process of setting up a number of informational interviews. These are true informational interviews in that I am not attempting to use them as a back door to getting a job (or at least not a job with that employer). I am graduating law school and moving to a new state to start practicing, and between the new career and the new geographic location, it’s hard to pin down what to expect (and therefore what to negotiate for) in terms of salaries.

Is it appropriate to ask attorneys about salary in informational interviews? If so, is it appropriate to ask about what that particular firm/office/company generally pays entry-level applicants, or is it only appropriate to ask about generalized salary ranges for the area? I would like to leave these interviews armed with the best info for my job search, but I don’t want to offend or alienate these potentially important contacts.

Yes, you can ask about salary! I wouldn’t ask “what do you make?” since most people consider that private, but it’s absolutely appropriate to ask about salary ranges for the work you’re interested in, as well as what salaries at that particular company usually look like for entry-level hires.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Asking a coworker to stop talking about his gun hobby

I have a coworker who loves guns. We all know this (when you walk by his desk, he is likely on a gun message board) but chalk it up to a quirk.

Today he and another co-worker spent the better part of an hour talking about guns. The other coworker is becoming interested in guns, so there have been some conversations like this lately. But this was the most extensive (involving white board drawings). The conversation included gems like “in this scope, the bad guy’s head would go here.”

I know that I was triggered by the phrase “bad guys” and the discussion in general, but I also know that that’s my personal issue. I don’t actually think either of these guys poses a danger. But it did make me uncomfortable. What’s the protocol here? Is it ok to say something? I understand that part of building camaraderie is talking about hobbies, but when does the line get crossed?

I’d treat it primarily as a distraction issue; you’re trying to focus on work and their non-work conversation is making it hard to do that. For example: “Guys, could you keep it down? It’s making it tough to focus over here.”

But I also think it would be fine to say, “Hey, I’m finding all the gun talk a bit much. Could you keep it down?” Your mileage may vary with this one; if you’re dealing with someone who will interpret that as an attack on the second amendment, you might be better off going with the first formulation.

2. Manager rarely speaks to staff

I have a manager who rarely speaks to the staff. Most communication is through email. We all sit together in a small office. Lately the manager doesn’t even say good morning. It’s not a very busy office. I find it very strange. What do you think?

I think that if you need to talk to your manager, you’ll have to initiate it — but that you shouldn’t be deterred from doing that by her silence. A manager should keep open lines of communication with people and not rely exclusively on email, but there are certainly people who are quiet or introverted who will default to mostly or all email unless asked not to, and some of them end up being managers. It should be fine to go over and talk to her, or to ask to have a standing meeting if you need it. As long as you’re able to get what you need from her and she’s responsive when you initiate conversations, I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

3. Hiring manager got angry that I turned down an offer after I’d followed up with her a bunch

I recently interviewed with the partner of a medium-sized firm who seemed very interested in hiring me and said she’d get back to me “in a couple of days.” She didn’t, so I sent a polite follow-up on Monday (one week after our chat). She replied that she’d been ill and, again, would get back to me “in a couple of days.” She didn’t, so I sent yet another follow-up on Friday.

Cut to Monday (two weeks after our chat), I receive an official offer with a three-year bond. Weighing this against another job, I decided to accept the other job instead (not so much because of salary, but because it was more in line with my long-term goals). I word a polite rejection, thanking her for her time and support, and explaining that I’ll be taking up this other job instead.

All my communications with her up to this point were textbook polite. I’d look up how to best write a follow-up email or rejection before doing so. Therefore, I doubt it could have been the tone or language of my replies that could have prompted what came next.

She replied that my actions were laughable and that I shouldn’t have “chased” or hounded her in the first place. I was greatly taken aback by the harshness of tone. Apparently my follow-ups were unreasonable or offensive in nature.

My question is whether I should reply and attempt to salvage the situation (explain that I’m sorry and that I never meant to make her feel pressured) But I’d have to explain that the only reason I had to follow-up is because she didn’t get back to me when she said she would, and that would only fan the flames at this point because it seems accusatory. Or should I just walk away and let this bridge burn?

Walk away, or send back a short “I was genuinely interested in working with your firm, but simply ended up receiving an offer that made more sense for me” note.

For what it’s worth, you did kind of go overboard with the follow-up after your interview. In general, before checking back in with a hiring manager, I’d let at least a full week pass after the time they said they’d get back to you (and in many contexts, two weeks). You followed up with her really quickly two separate times when she’d already told you that she’d be getting back to you. That’s too quickly and too often! (If you were doing that because you had that other offer on the table that you needed to respond to, that’s different, but I can’t tell if that’s the case.)

That said, that doesn’t warrant being called “laughable” for then turning down an offer. Being a little too eager doesn’t obligate to you to accept any offer thrown at you, and she’s in the wrong for insinuating otherwise.

4. Can my employer see what my insurance claims are for?

I recently started a new job. I have serious health issues, though you’d never know it to look at me. When my new health insurance kicks in and I start submitting claims for my (super) expensive medication, CAT scans, and MRIs, will HR know about it? I’m not sure if one of the three HR people in my department is a designated “benefits” person, but would any of them be privy to what kinds of claims are being submitted/paid and, if so, would they be able to find out what illness the claims are specifically for? I’m hoping you’ll say all medical issues are kept confidential by the insurance company and not shared with HR. I’m concerned they could find out and tell my manager. Is my expectation of privacy naïve?

If you’re part of a group health plan, the group plan can provide your employer with summary information that has had identifying information removed (so that it can use that data to evaluate bids or changes in coverage).

If your employer’s health insurance is a self-insured plan (in which it pays individual claims itself) and it processes claims internally, rather than contacting that work out, then yes, staff in the department that handles those claims would see your insurance usage. However, employers with self-insured plans are covered by HIPAA, which means that they’d be subject to strict privacy rules that require them to have firewalls between the part of the company handling health information and the rest of the organization (for example, your private health information couldn’t be kept in your HR file).

And this is not my area of expertise, so hopefully readers will jump in here if needed.

5. Should I ask for a raise once I finish my master’s degree?

I have been working full time and earning a master’s degree part time for the last two and a half years, and I am finishing my degree in December (very excited and proud to be — almost — finished!). My degree is directly related to my field. I know that earning a master’s degree, especially one that is relevant to my job, is a prime opportunity to ask for a raise, but here’s what I’m struggling with:

I just started a new job in April, so I’d be asking for a raise after only eight months (if I make the ask in December, after finishing the degree program). Is it inappropriate to ask for a raise after eight months, even though the impetus for the raise is a new credential such as a master’s degree? Should I wait until April 2016, when I hit the one-year mark, to make the case that my new salary should reflect this new credential?

I don’t want to break any “rules” about asking for a raise too soon, but I also don’t want to miss out on what is usually a good opportunity to ask for a raise just because of concerns about timing.

Unless you’re in one of the small number of fields that considers a masters to warrant an automatic salary bump, no, you shouldn’t ask for a raise based on this. There ARE some fields like that (and hopefully you know if you’re in one), but most fields don’t do that and instead base raises on increased contributions to the organization, which is a case you’d make based on your work at the one-year mark. Your master’s could potentially be part of that case then, but it definitely wouldn’t be the central argument, unless you can point to concrete specifics about how it’s led to you making a greater contribution at work. (And actually, even then it probably shouldn’t be, since if there are concrete specifics about how you’re doing a better job, those would be case for the raise, not the fact that the master’s helped that happen.)