Ask a Manager

Remember the letter-writer working as an office manager for a small company and wondering how to handle payroll if someone didn’t submit their hours on time (#5 at the link)? Here’s the update.

The payroll issue was just one of a larger string of issues that made the entire job pretty intolerable. I should have know to run when at the interview the boss basically told me that if I didn’t accept the offer then and there that he would have to move on to another candidate because he needed someone to start ASAP, but the hours and pay were really great for our local area and my personal situation (just back to work after having a baby), so I thought I would give it a shot.

Overall, the whole thing was a disaster. On my first day, the boss spent all of five minutes with me, barely showing me anything and then just assumed I could basically run his business for him with no real training. He was never in the office and would tell me to call him if I needed help or had questions, but then yelled every time I called and told me I was annoying him too often. Then he would call demanding to know the status of each job being worked that day, how much money we had made each day, etc. The other employees were just as bad, refusing to answer calls with status of the jobs they were working on, if they showed up at all, so I could never give the boss the info he wanted and then I would get yelled at for not being able to control them. In the short time I was there,  five people were hired and either quit or were let go.

On top of his constant shouting, cursing, and overall horrible communication and unethical business practices, he also made general racist statements about employees using derogatory language, but then making statements like, “but I grew up with black friends so I’m not racist but they all…. ” that just made me crazy.

So long story short, I was only there for a month when I had had enough and just quit. Not the most professional thing to do, but I just could not deal with being shouted at and held accountable for a revolving group of handymen who had no respect for me. Not with a new baby at home, it was not worth the money and good schedule.

I have now been working from home for a great online company that actually values employees and provides a professional work environment. And I get to do it in my slippers while my kid is home with me. So everything worked out and I now have a pretty crazy story, which sadly is not the worst work environment I have been in.

Remember the letter-writer whose boss had banned all hot take-out food in the office because of his own desire to be healthier? We saw one update on the situation in May, and here’s the latest.

After starting my job search from March of this year and attending some questionable interviews, I finally have a new role! I’ll be starting for a very large organization based in a completely different area of the country in 2016. It’s an entry role to get me started in a career focusing on employee relations, training, and all sorts of HR aspects. I managed to negotiate a very nice salary and benefits package (much less working hours, better holiday, travel costs and a very generous pension). I will have to tackle a big move and a new start, which is admittedly quite terrifying but incredibly overdue. No job is 100% perfect, but the experience I’ve had so far has prepared me for a lot.

The most difficult aspect was trying not to rush into another role that I wasn’t 100% sure about. I was bitterly unhappy in my current place but initially kept looking at similar roles that were probably going to go the same route as this one (one organization tried to interview me six times for three separate roles until I used the AAM archives to see how ridiculous they were being for an entry-level role).

Although I have had glowing references from management and a lot of colleagues are sad to see me leave (one keeps joking he’s going to have a nervous breakdown when I’m no longer here to help with his admin workload), the company has shown some questionable behavior. To date:

* They tried informing me of a pay cut of £1,000 via email, as I was apparently not carrying out my full duties. I asked them for a breakdown of the work I was allegedly not fulfilling and offered to begin my two week notice there and then. The pay cut was taken back.

* The second I informed work I had my offer in writing and it was 100% going ahead, the director spilled the beans to all you can think of; I’m rushing into a bad job, I’m a traitor, insert negatives here.

* Although all offices know, I am not allowed to discuss during “core hours” of the details of my new role. Not via writing, no mass emails. Keep in mind people in my role are allowed to do so when they aren’t leaving for competitors. This is also to stop employees from “low morale” as staff “are 50/50 always wanting to leave.”

* My last working day (I didn’t suggest it, I was told) will be the date of the Christmas party as “there is no work to be done over Christmas.” Coincidentally, this is the period up until the new year when staff are free to finish projects, have a more relaxed atmosphere, half-days are encouraged so staff can bond, office quizzes — quite nice stuff to see the end of the year off. Probably a good thing I have annual leave accrued or else I’d be short of two weeks’ worth of pay! Also so they don’t have to throw me a leaving party and save money.

Either way, it’s been a difficult 2015. Without the advice from you and the readers of AAM, I’d have probably signed off work from the horrific stress and moved back home with my parents (where the job situation is horrendous), so I just wanted to drop you a huge thank you for everything and the reality check I received in regards to a lot of the behavior exhibited here. I’ll keep on reading and will always recommend your site for all things work related.

Many kind regards,
An Incredibly Happier Administrator Looking Forward to 2016

Here are four updates from letter-writers who had their questions answered here this year.

1. My employee asked me not to give him any feedback

At our next meeting, I was prepared to have a hard discussion about the necessity of feedback. Instead, as soon as I brought it up my team member said he’d love to hear anything I had to say and wanted as much feedback as possible. Turns out two of his friends had been let go from the company that week for failure to improve after going on performance plans. Since then, he’s found a niche at work that he does really well in and has been receptive to feedback from myself as well as the people on that project. Our meetings are far more productive and he’s begun exceeding in a lot of the areas I had to push at. So, as much as I’d like to take some credit I think the real kick start was the fear that came from other managers having to do the hard work with his friends.

2. How to coach an irritated manager to stop yelling

I decided to start by meeting with the manager and the employee, because the employee had done something fairly minor that violated the PIP. I prepped with the manager beforehand, and practiced some (not long-winded!) phrases to address arguing. Despite the preparation, I ended up taking the lead in the meeting when it became clear to me that the manager had given such a convoluted explanation of the PIP that the employee legitimately did not understand that she would be fired if she did not comply. There were plenty of opportunities to shut down arguing and explain how that was part of the problem.

All in all, the manager was really struggling with wanting to be right – to get the employee to agree that the manager’s view was correct instead of simply agreeing to comply with the directive. She needed to shift to informing the employee of what was expected, and rely on the phrase “are you able to do that?” instead of “what do you think about that?”. Observer and fposte had some really helpful comments on this topic.

I’m still not sure how things fells apart for the manager, because she had been a very effective and well-liked manager before the yelling started, and had successfully handed several tough problems over the years. She really did try to use some new strategies, and even made a cheat-sheet of phrases to keep on her phone for quick reference. But in the end, she just could not get past the “bitch eating crackers” feeling with this employee, and she started to feel that way about all of her direct reports. A few months after the PIP meeting, she decided that managing just wasn’t for her and she has moved on. Since then, the employee has really bloomed and been given more responsibility by the new manager. There has been no more arguing, she successfully completed the PIP, and she’s no longer passing along management articles.

Thanks Alison and all the commenters for all the good advice!

3. Should my cover letters extend sympathies to the company CEO, whose daughter just died? (#2 at the link)

I later came to believe that mentioning the CEO’s daughter’s death would’ve been kind of tasteless, so I didn’t mention the tragedy at all. Thanks to you and your commenters for your candid feedback. While I didn’t get that job, I did get another job later in the year, so I’m pleased to say that things have worked out for the better!

4. My coworker wants to review my self-evaluation and maybe borrow portions for her own

It’s exactly one year to the day, and our boss is now requesting our end-of-year self-evaluations. Last year, I followed your advice and reiterated to her that I wanted to write my review in my own words. When I said this is how I’ve done it at all past jobs, she said kind of angrily, “I can tell.” (I should mention there was no anger from my end at any point, just puzzlement.) She asked that we just write one or two paragraphs that explain the tasks we have in common (“The teapot publishing team edits all documentation from teapot engineers.”) To keep the peace, I agreed. She remained silent when I asked who would write it, and so I reluctantly volunteered. Although I was annoyed at myself for being a pushover, I was glad I could submit a review that was in my own words.

I spoke with my manager after we submitted our reviews last year. At that time, he said we took this too far, and we should not do that again next year. Fast forward to last week. During a team meeting, my co-worker again asked that we write a joint section that covers our common responsibilities. My manager intervened and asked that we not do that. My co-worker agreed, albeit in a stony-faced way, and has not mentioned it since.

I never figured out what was behind all this. She is not new to the professional world, so I assume she’s encountered year-end reviews at some point. However, she has done some freelance and contract work, so maybe she’s avoided reviews or has not done one in a long time. My best guess about the anger is that she feels my request is un-teamlike. In general, she’s not good with boundaries and will meddle with my work queue because she sees our work as existing in one shared pot. (Like, “Oh, I called Ted because I saw that in your queue that he hasn’t returned that document to you yet.”) There was a similar agitated reaction when I told her that I’d like to fully manage my own projects. So, perhaps this “shared work” attitude extends to our reviews. Oddly, she’s also said that she “doesn’t care” about these reviews and that they’re pointless. In any case, it appears to be resolved. Thank you!

Remember the letter-writer whose husband was constantly networking on their date nights, to the point of even handing out business cards during walks in the countryside? Here’s the update.

Haha, when I wrote in June I was very very nervous to see the comments but everyone was understanding with similar tales and good advice. My letter did border on the edge of relationship advice, ugh, but the lines frequently blur in freelancing.

Anon-moose (11.53am) was great with her looove of networking while firmly establishing clear boundaries with her partner, and the comments of Allison (11.45am), Dan (12.07pm) and AnnieNonymous (7.31pm) especially were taken into consideration.

As an update, we have improved at establishing boundaries and things have gotten better. We live in mid-size city, so often the same creative circles collide in social outings and it’s a very small world of who knows who – and I do forget that as a new resident. The business cards in the wallet (while out in the woods) endure, and he did snag work eventually after buying a piece of used sports equipment from a classified ad. There is clear phone-free time and shut-down time, and date night has improved to be more of a sacred hour or two than in the past.

We stick out somewhat for the work we do (we both have short contracts of artistic work abroad in addition to locally-based normal stuff); he can whiz and charm people with the instant exotic-factor of these other contracts, while I tend to discuss the more serious and nuanced side of it (the politically-difficult region we work in) if ever asked.

Through all of this, I guess I’ve learned that people just love to discuss their creativity, their opinions, their travels, and their politics – albeit far more than me. The business cards are simply the incendiary start to all of the talking about it. I’ve read about extroversion / introversion lately, and, no surprise, I firmly fit in the latter. Talking about work or our family experiences (quite blurred into each other already) in a non-work atmosphere drains me, while it energizes the other. It won’t ever shut off, but the boundaries set have been an improvement for both.

Remember the letter-writer whose coworker sent her an angry-profanity laced email (including “I’m sending you my edits in text, now F— off for the weekend”)? Here the update.

I’m happy to say that there were no further outbursts from that coworker, and our working relationship proceeded fairly smoothly from then on out.

We had one final issue between us, which I’m very proud of how I handled – and give all credit to you and the AAM commenters. Recently, we were assigned a task over email. I sent a reply all (to him and two bosses) saying I’d handle it. He jumped in immediately with a long email that ended with him saying “I’d really rather work on this myself, if it’s ok with everyone” – and then 10 minutes later, before I’d even seen his initial email, sent a long conversation he’d had with someone else about the issue. Problem one: he didn’t have all the facts, so the conversation was about something completely irrelevant. Problem two: I felt completely undermined.

So I told him! I sent a very direct email to him saying that he needed to stop undermining me, that every time he took an assignment out from under me it gave the impression to our bosses that he didn’t think I could do the job, and that it was incredibly frustrating. He wrote back immediately apologizing, acknowledging that he was hard to work with under the best of circumstances, and promised to do better. He really did get what I was saying, and for the most part, he did do better. He also sent around an email to our extended staff thanking them for their hard work – I think he took a step back and saw how unreasonable he’d been over the weeks prior.

He has since accepted a position at a different firm. The office is a lot more harmonious, and I kind of miss him a bit. He really isn’t a terrible person, just one with serious control issues and an ego that needs to be taken down a peg or two. I suspect he’s in for a bit of an awakening at his new firm. But he is VERY good at his job, and I learned a lot from him. Plus, on a personal level, he’s a lot of fun.

Having said that, I can actually feel my confidence in my ability to do MY job grow every day that he isn’t here. I didn’t realize how much I’d deferred to him, and I’m pretty annoyed at myself for that.