You Need a Budget

by Alison Green on January 7, 2016

 And now a break to talk about a sponsor…

Over the years, I’ve heard loads of people recommend You Need A Budget as a program that didn’t just give them a budgeting tool, but totally changed how they thought about money. So I was really excited when the folks there reached out and asked me to tell y’all about them!

You Need A Budget – which is a personal budgeting web app (with companion apps for Android and iOS) – will teach you a philosophy that will help you get out of debt, stop living paycheck to paycheck (if you are), and save more money faster. And it’ll help you budget in a way that ensures that your money lines up with what you care about most.

move-money ipadWhen you get started with YNAB (as it’s called by fans), it’ll help you implement a zero-based budget, meaning that at the beginning of every month, you’ll “give every dollar a job” — whether it’s saving, paying a particular bill, eating tons of tacos, or whatever it might be). And it’ll help you set up goals and milestones, and easily set aside small amounts to work toward those goals.

One of the coolest things YNAB does is nudge you in helpful directions. For example, if you overspend in a category, it Overspending_Settingswill ask you if you want to subtract that amount from next month’s Available to Spend or if you want to pay if off over time. If you choose the latter, it’ll remind you about the potential impact of letting a debt sit and will encourage you to pay it off next month instead, if you can. Not like a naggy parental figure – more like a very helpful CFO.

They also offer free daily, online classes in things like budgeting, handling credit cards, and even “Dealing with Different Pay Cycles. And the whole thing is easily customizable, and you can edit your budget at any time if an unexpected cost comes up (one of their rules is “roll with the punches”).

I figured testimonials from other Ask a Manager readers might be interesting to see, so here are things that AAM commenters have said here about YNAB in the past:

“YNAB is amazing. We’re doing just fine financially but I still maintain it’s the best budgeting program out there – bar none. The inherent ability to roll-over budget categories, account for overages, and live on last month’s income is nothing short of perfect when it comes to personal financial management.” – Steve

budget “I use YNAB, and it’s seriously the best thing that’s happened in my financial life. Not only does it allow you to track where your expenses are going, but setting up a budget based on the money you actually have lets me spend (or not) without guilt. I budget about $25 for breakfast or lunch out per month, and then before I buy something, I log into the app to see how much I have left in that category. If it’s enough, great! If not, I know that before I buy something. If I really still have to buy it, I do it with the acknowledgement I’m going to have to pull it out of some other category (that might be more fun, like a vacation). It makes you so much more mindful, and having a plan for your money is really essential.” – Kate M

“It is like excel sheets on steroids, and it has charts, and it makes everything easy. I don’t work for them … but I can say this software changed my life!” – Lynne

“I’ve managed to reduce my debt by 25% in the year and a half I’ve been using YNAB. I would have thought that was impossible before … It really helped me break out of the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle. I’m in a much better place financially than I was before I started using it. – Cordelia

You should try YNAB because you really do need a budget, and this one is awesome. You can sign up for a 34-day free trial here. (And note that the entire software is free for students!)

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by You Need a Budget. All thoughts and opinions are my own (or those of the readers I quoted).

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urgent bathroom runs, applying for too many jobs, and more

by Alison Green on January 7, 2016

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Explaining urgent bathroom runs post-cancer

I had advanced colon cancer a few years ago with aggressive treatment–surgery, radiation, chemo. I’m lucky to be alive and I’ve been pretty upfront about my experience.

My problem is that all this treatment resulted in some problems which are embarrassing in the workplace. I now have occasional bouts of IBS-like diarrhea, which comes on with little warning. I also have problems with — how can I say this? — pretty awful flatulence. It doesn’t happen often and I try to get away and stay away from people when it does, but I can’t always and I am sure people notice.

I am now at a new job and wondering if I should explain my occasional swift departures in the middle of a conversation. It does not happen often but it does happen enough that it’s noticeable. Folks here know about my cancer.

I think this is totally up to you and what you’re comfortable with. Personally, I think I’d probably find peace of mind in just telling people what’s up so that I don’t have to wonder about what they might be thinking. You don’t need to be super explicit about it, but would just say to a couple of people you have particular rapport with, “A side effect of my surgery is that I occasionally may have to quickly dash to the bathroom. If I run off while we’re talking, it’s not you.” I’d figure/hope that would be enough information for them to also put two and two together about the flatulence too.

Congratulations on beating cancer!

2. Should we put windows in our office doors?

We’re designing a new office area for our small business, and trying to find out if we need to put windows in each office (door) for one-on-one meetings. We’re trying to balance privacy with accountability. Are there any guidelines to follow?

That’s really up to you; there’s no one best practice. But I’d recommend not using “we can see you at all times” as the way to have accountability. Accountability should really come from managing people well, paying attention to their productivity and their results, and hiring professional adults who aren’t going to abuse the privacy of an office.

3. Temp agency won’t get back to me

Currently I am seeking employment and am using an agency that initially sent me to interviews for temporary or temp to perm positions. We have a professional relationship and have shared a few laughs, so the relationship isn’t adversarial. Every week I email her my availability. My calls are not returned. For the past two months, I’ve heard absolutely nothing, even though there have been positions posted on their website and job boards for positions I am qualified for.

What is the most polite email I could send to this agent to (1) assist me, or (2) TELL me she isn’t going to? I’d like to call her on her rude and unprofessional behavior, but I need her assistance. The “no answer means no” new communications style is just rude and lazy.

It’s rude, but it’s also really common with temp agencies, which are dealing with large volumes of applicants. What this person has conveyed to you is that she’s only going to get in touch with you if she has a position to talk to you about; otherwise, assume you won’t hear from her. It’s going to be better for your quality of life to simply accept that, since there’s really nothing you can do to force her to operate differently.

That said, the fact that they originally sent you on interviews and have since stopped may be significant. Is it possible that something about those interviews made them not want to keep sending you out? A good agency would give you feedback if that were the case, but not all do; some just stop calling. On the other hand, it’s also possible that you didn’t do anything wrong and after failing to place you a few times, they just turned to newer candidates.

4. Am I applying for too many jobs at this employer?

I have a feeling the answer to my question might be “if you have to ask, it’s too many,” but am hoping otherwise. I’m looking for staff positions in academia in a college town. I currently work at a private university, but for financial, reputation, and commute reasons, I would​ love to work at a very distinguished university that’s also in my city. It’s a huge employer and often promotes from within, meaning that getting a foot in the door is difficult.

I’ve been applying to singular jobs at this distinguished university since last May, but am unsure how many jobs I should be able to apply to and how quickly. Since last May, I’ve applied to nine individual positions at this university, all jobs I would be qualified to do, and have had phone interviews for two of those positions. Is this too many? Not enough? Knowing that these jobs all feed through any number of HR personnel, I don’t know whether I should apply to anything that interests me, or only the top 5%, or somewhere in between. Do I cap it at some arbitrary number of applications per month? I feel like I’m way overthinking this, but I have a horror scenario of being blacklisted by their HR department for applying to too many jobs.

You should be fine, as long as everything you’re applying for is a strong fit for your experience and you’re not applying for jobs that are wildly different. But make sure you’re really being discriminating about that; don’t let your zeal to work there prompt you to apply for everything you’re remotely qualified for.

When this becomes a problem is when (a) you’re applying to lots of really different things, which makes you look unfocused (since hiring managers want to hire someone who wants this particular job, not just any job they can get, or (b) when you’re doing it at a smaller organization (which is going to have fewer jobs advertised anyway). At a large employer, it’s much less likely to be an issue.

Read an update to this letter here.

5. Can my employer revoke my bonus after a direct deposit into my bank account?

Can my employer revoke my bonuses after they’re deposited into my account if I put in my notice soon after? This will really help me figure out notice timing!

They shouldn’t — once earned, that money is yours — but it is possible for an employer to revoke a direct deposit (within a limited period of time — I believe it’s five days, but you’d want to verify that with your bank) and take that money back. Generally they can only do this to correct mistakes (such as if they accidentally overpaid you); they couldn’t do it to, say, recover money for property of theirs that you took on your way out the door. But theoretically, an unscrupulous company could say that the bonus was a mistaken payment, and then you’d have a mess on your hands.

If you want to be really safe, wait until a couple of weeks have gone by, or transfer most of the money in that account to an account at a different bank.

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my manager told my coworker I complained about her work — but I didn’t

by Alison Green on January 6, 2016

A reader writes:

Can I/should I confront my manager for telling my coworker that I complained about her work — when I didn’t?

My manager, Ann, is extremely reactive and has a tendency to focus on one person or project and basically fly off the handle at the slightest thing. At other times, she’s very pleasant and fun to be around. This makes working with her somewhat challenging, since you never know what the mood of the day or hour is.

My coworker, Monica, has some trouble completing projects on time, and the rest of the team has learned to work around it– when Monica’s part of a project is not done and we are reviewing with a manager, we use filler content and tell the reviewer that the real content will be coming soon. It’s not ideal, but we can’t do much else. When this happens to me, I am not shy about asking Monica for what I need, or about making it clear when I am using filler content.

Monica was the most recent target of Ann’s wrath, and Ann was very aggressive about telling Monica that the rest of the team didn’t like working with her. Ann also said that I had complained to Ann and a higher-up about Monica multiple times, and that Monica was not someone I liked to work with.

Except I didn’t complain to either of those people about Monica, and never have. I like working with Monica. Now it’s very awkward between me and Monica, who is one of my friends in the office.

I tried to smooth things over with Monica, but can I speak up to Ann about this? It seems very unprofessional of Ann to bring up my name, especially when I didn’t complain in the first place! I don’t know how to bring this up, especially when I wasn’t there for the actual chewing-out.

You can indeed talk to Ann about it, but you’d want to approach it as “I think there’s been a miscommunication somewhere” rather than “don’t use my name when talking to another employee.”

Managers do sometimes have to invoke other people in order to address performance issues — “Jane has repeatedly had trouble getting X and Y from you,” etc. Sometimes a manager may need to invoke your name even if you haven’t actually complained — for example, “Jane needs to stay late when you miss deadlines.”

That said, some managers may assume that you’re frustrated by something that you’re not actually frustrated by, and it’s rightly problematic when they pass that along as if it’s fact, which may have happened here.

(And certainly Monica’s description of what Ann said to her — aggressively telling her that the rest of the team doesn’t like working with her — sounds pretty bad. But we’re also only getting Monica’s description of it. It’s possible that it was more like “It makes everyone else’s job harder when they’re counting on you for X and Y and you don’t get it to them by the deadline. They need to be able to count on you to come through when you say you will.” That would be pretty reasonable, and Monica wouldn’t be the first person to hear feedback that stings and turn it into something much more harsh in her head. But we can’t really know which it is.)

In any case … the message you want for Ann isn’t “don’t use my name without my okay,” but rather “I think you might have an impression that’s incorrect.” You could say something like this: “I wanted to touch base with you about a strange conversation I had with Monica the other day, because I think there may be a miscommunication in here somewhere. It sounds like she got the idea from you that I had complained to you about her and that I don’t like working with her. I actually do like working with her and don’t think I’ve ever complained about her. I’m not sure if she misunderstood what you said or if you misunderstood something I’ve said in the past, so I wanted to make sure you know that.”

It’s possible that this won’t really clear anything up for you. Ann may say, “Thanks for letting me know” and just leave it that. But it’s also possible that she’ll explain why she had that impression, and then you can correct her if needed.

Hell, it’s even possible that you have said things to her in the past that have come across as complaining about Monica, even if you didn’t realize it, or that you said them to someone else and it got passed on to Ann. It’s possible for “we can’t give you this content because Monica hasn’t turned it in yet” to come across as frustration with Monica, depending on the context and the delivery, as well as the perspective of the person hearing it.

That’s about all you can really do, though, aside from setting the record straight with Monica herself (which it sounds like you’ve already done).

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my coworker accidentally complained about me … to me

by Alison Green on January 6, 2016

A reader writes:

I recently had a very strange situation at our office. Could I ask how you might handle the following situation?

Let’s say you call a coworker on his or her extension during office hours. You think you are talking with someone who is a friend, and you whisper something about another coworker. Your comments are, at best, not uplifting. You mention the person by name.

The person you have called informs you that you have actually called the person that you have just said something ugly about. So, you deny that you said what you said.

More specifically, I received the call. The woman on the other end said, “Her very existence annoys the *#!$ out of me.” I said “Who?” She said, “Did you not see your email?” I said, “Whose?” She said, “Jane’s!” I said, “This IS Jane.” She said, “Oh, I thought you were [name].” I said, “Obviously. If I have offended you in some way, I hope we can discuss it at some point.” She said, “Oh, no. I was talking about something else.”

We have a small team, and I don’t want to make a big fuss, but there is obviously a problem of which I’m not aware.

You can read my answer to this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and often updating/expanding my answers to them).

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my staff doesn’t like it that I use the Socratic method with them

by Alison Green on January 6, 2016

A reader writes:

I’m a fairly new manager (two years) of a small team and recently received some feedback from an employee that I don’t know what to do about. A previous employee had also given me the same feedback so I’m starting to see a pattern.

When team members come to me with questions, I tend not to give the answer right away, but ask them questions back to stimulate their thinking. Most often they do know the answers but are just not making the connections or fully analyzing the situation. Sometimes they are quite far off and we end up spending 15-30 minutes fleshing it out. I thought I was “coaching” and helping to improve their critical thinking skills, but they don’t see it this way.

I have overheard grumblings about my “Socratic” method and would I just tell them the darn answer already so they can get back to their work! Our workloads are high and we are quite busy, so I can empathize there. They also find it stressful because they are having to think on their feet and remember facts and details. Plus, they are uncomfortable with me knowing what they don’t know, or being wrong in front of me. That was some feedback I received directly.

My boss sometimes works directly with my team and they LOVE her because she always tells them exactly what to do and they don’t have to think about anything or make any judgement calls. They’ve definitely hinted at this in a not-so-subtle way – okay, I get it.

I know exactly why I’m like this and it’s from university and years of grad school. This socratic method was completely the norm with my professors and grad school supervisor. They were focussed on training us on how to think. They expected us to gain knowledge in our subject area but more importantly on how to think critically and analyze what’s in front of us. I guess I have carried this into the workplace. None of my team members have post-grad schooling, just the bachelors degree we require as a minimum.

Anyway, I don’t know what to do. The team really needs to improve their critical thinking skills and problem-solving ability. I don’t feel I’m helping them by spoon feeding everything, but I don’t want them hating me either. Maybe I should have just become a professor ;)

What you don’t want to do is to act like a professor rather than a manager. That’s not your job, it’s not what people signed up for, and it’s not the most effective way of managing people.

That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t coach — you absolutely should coach. But coaching people effectively means (a) adapting your approach to fit what works best for each individual person, and (b) recognizing that there’s a time and a place for coaching, and that other times you just need to give someone the damn answer already.

So, questions back to you: Are you doing this reflexively whenever someone brings you a question? Or are you thoughtfully picking the times when you think it will help build their skills rather than doing it across the board? Also, are you truly building their skills when you do this — is the result that they’re learning something that they’re carrying forward into their work in the future? Or is there a method of training them that might work better, even if only because it wouldn’t come with the side of “agh, I just need a quick answer to this”?

Also, it’s really important for you to tell them what you’re doing and why. If they need to improve their problem-solving skills, tell them that directly, and why, and what that would look like (so that they’re on the same page as you about what that really means). Then explain that you’re going to work with them to build those skills, and that may mean that sometimes when they bring you questions, you’ll help them puzzle through it rather than giving them a quick answer — not to be pedantic, but because that will make them better at their jobs in the long run. If you don’t explain that, they’re likely to just be annoyed and frustrated. (They may still be annoyed and frustrated, but at least they won’t be creating their own story about why it’s happening.)

Also: Try not to see this as being about them having no post-grad schooling while you do. That risks getting you into condescending territory really quickly, and it’s more likely that it’s really just about them wanting a quick answer and being frustrated that you’ve not giving them one.

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current employee is job-searching, negotiating with an old boss, and more

by Alison Green on January 6, 2016

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I received the resume of a current employee who appears to be job-searching

I received an email update from Indeed today announcing an updated resume from a potential candidate for a job we have posted. The candidate is one of our current employees. Do you think it is okay to share this information with the employee? I was thinking along the lines of “I wanted to share with you this email. You are very valued here and I wanted to know if you are happy and if not, is there something we can work through?”

Sure, you can do that. Be aware, though, that she’s likely to be thoroughly freaked out that her job search isn’t confidential anymore, and so you’ll want to be very clear about the fact that you’re not about to push her out or otherwise penalize her, and that you genuinely want to talk about whether there’s anything you can do on your end to keep her (assuming that you do, and it sounds like that’s the case). There’s some advice here on how to do that. And don’t do this.

Your other option is to skip that conversation and just think about why she might be job-searching. Is she paid well? Managed well? Does her job still challenge her? You might be able to figure out how to make staying more enticing without even telling her what you learned, and that’s potentially a better option if your sense of her is that she’ll be really rattled by the other option.

2. Can I negotiate with my old boss who might be offering me a job at a new company?

By all appearances, I am about to get a position with my old manager, who is now a director at another company, as a manager working for him. This person consistently advocated for me in my previous position where salary and promotions were concerned. In short, he was my mentor and always looked out for me.

Fast forward. We were having a conversation about a new role for which he’s hiring now. As far as I know, I’m the only applicant, and because of our rapport I’ve been told I’m basically waiting on an offer. When we were discussing salary in the interview, I was a little unhappy with the range and said so – something like “the closer you can get me to X, the better.” He said something about how he was a little flexible and would work to get me closer to that number.

If the offer comes in lowish, is negotiating reasonable? The company itself offers amazing work/life balance and some other perks I know are hard to find. I’m torn because all professional wisdom says to negotiate the first offer (especially as a woman), but the other part of me says he wouldn’t lowball me and would get me as much as he could for the role to begin with.

Not lowballing you doesn’t mean he couldn’t still go up a bit if you negotiate. Plenty of places tell their managers (or managers tell themselves), “Offer $X, but you can go up to $Y if you need to” (where $X isn’t a bad offer, but just not the absolute best they can do).

It should be fine to say something like, “I was hoping for X — is there any way to get there?”

3. Telling my boss I won’t be returning from maternity leave

I’m currently on maternity leave that will be ending in mid-February. While I originally told my boss I’d be returning, things have changed during my maternity leave and I have accepted a job with another company that is much closer to my home and daughter’s daycare.

I’d like to know what I should do in terms of giving my boss my resignation. I suggested to my husband that I could go in and personally speak to my boss. However, my husband thinks it would be too awkward for me and suggested I email or call my boss instead. To me, emailing or calling him seems really cold. What would you suggest?

Call him. I don’t think you need to make a special trip to see him, and since you’d presumably need to schedule the meeting with him in advance, it’s likely to tip him off anyway. Since you’re on leave, a phone call is perfectly a reasonable way to handle it.

4. Can I ask interviewers about their budget deficit?

I don’t yet have a call for a second interview for a small nonprofit (8-10 people). I applied for the position of executive director and I am very qualified. They have checked my references and told one of them that they really liked me.

During the research phase prior to my interview, I saw that they have a budget deficit of almost $70,000 on their 2013 Form 990 and it was noted in their annual report. I will be checking further to see if they have filed their Form 990 for 2014 to identify if there is still the deficit. Also during the first interview, the board said they give contributions to the organization, but didn’t talk about them assisting the ED with fundraising.

Is it permissible to ask about the budget deficit and board development if I were to be asked for a second interview? Or do you think this will be too confrontational? I am not concerned about plugging the hole in the budget if they were to hire me, but I am concerned if the board does not participate in fundraising and doesn’t think it is their job.

Yes, you should absolutely ask about both these things! You do not want to take on the job of running an organization without a very good understanding of their finances and the role of the board members (in fundraising and in all else). If you’re hired as ED, their problems will be your problems, and it’s crucial to know what you’d be walking into.

Read updates to this letter here and here.

5. Are coding camps worth doing?

What is your (or your readers’) opinion of coding camps, where students with non-technical degrees can go for a few months to learn to code? I’m finding that I’m not very good at my current job and will probably never be a high-performer at it, so I am looking into other possible fields. I have enough money saved that I could afford to leave the workforce for a few months and pay for the tuition/housing, but I am concerned that it will be a waste of time and money. From a hiring perspective, would I be better off getting another undergraduate degree in computer science, or do you think coding camps are worth a try?

This it outside my area of expertise (other than believing that intense, hands-on experience is almost always better than another degree), so I’m throwing this out to readers to weigh in on.

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no, it’s not ever “impossible” to fire people

by Alison Green on January 5, 2016

Periodically I hear someone complain about a coworker or an employee and say “but it’s impossible to fire anyone here, so we’re stuck.”

It’s not true.

No sane organization truly forbids firing people. At worst, it usually means “we have lots of hoops to jump through in order to fire someone, but it can be done.”

Even in the federal government and even in unionized workplaces — both of which people are fond of saying make it impossible to fire people — you can fire people. There’s paperwork and documentation and it takes a while, but it can be done if the manager is willing to put in the time.

And as a manager, you must be willing to put in the time. Otherwise you’re neglecting one of the most fundamental responsibilities you have, which is to address it when someone isn’t working out.

In fact, one of the worst things a manager can do is to assume they can’t fire people or decide that they don’t want to bothered with whatever bureaucracy it would take to do it. That’s the same as throwing up your hands and saying “I have no control over who’s on my team” — and controlling the makeup of your team is one of the most important tools a manager has at her disposal. It’s crucial; you cannot fully manage without that authority.

So what does “we can’t fire people here” really mean? Usually it means that you have to document the issues, sometimes extensively, and warn the person and give them a chance to improve, and document that you did that. It usually means putting the person on a formal performance improvement plan, with specific metrics that they need to meet within a certain amount of time to keep their job. Some organizations may require that that amount of time is many months past what is reasonable, but it’s not infinite. It might also mean showing higher-ups who are reluctant to fire that in this case the person is truly a bad fit for the role.

Basically, it’s the stuff that a good manager should be doing when someone is struggling anyway; it’s just often stretched out longer than it should be.

So when managers say “I can’t fire anyone,” it means “I’m not willing to put in the multiple months it would take to do it.” And since that’s almost always the wrong decision, they’re also saying “I’m not willing to do this hard piece of my job.”

* All of this assumes that you’re in the U.S., as I can’t speak to practices in other countries.

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how to teach people to bring solutions, not problems

by Alison Green on January 5, 2016

Every manager wants a team that suggests solutions rather than just raising problems; employees who bring solutions play a crucial problem-solving role, take more ownership in the success or your team, and free you up to stay focused elsewhere. But if your team isn’t in the habit of proposing solutions when they identify problems, how do you build that habit in your team?

The biggest key is in your own behavior. When people bring a problem to you, are you enlisting them in solving it, or are you making the problem your own to solve?

First, turn the question back to them. Unless the problem is totally outside of their purview (in which case you will only frustrate them by asking them to propose a solution), ask what solution they think makes sense. For example:

  • “What do you think we should do about that?”
  • “What options do you see for responding?”
  • “What solutions do you think we should consider?”
  • “What would you do if I weren’t here?”

Sometimes people don’t even know that they have the standing to suggest solutions, so make it clear that you want to hear their thoughts.

If it’s not urgent, you can also suggest that they take some time and then come back to you with their thoughts. For example:

  • “That is a problem! Why don’t you get on my calendar for tomorrow, spend some time thinking about it between now and then, and bring some potential solutions to the meeting?”
  • “At our next one-on-one, let’s talk about what options you think make sense.”

It’s also important not to jump in and take over when you see a project not going as planned. Instead, you want to coach your staff to come up with and implement solutions. For example, if you see a marketing pitching isn’t working well, don’t rewrite it yourself. Instead, talk about the elements that need to be changed, and then ask your staff member to do the rewrite. Otherwise, you risk training people to just turn to you when bumps arise – and then you will forever be the main problem-solver, which you don’t want.

Of course, in doing this, you need to be careful not to create a dynamic where no one will ever raise problems if they don’t have a solution to propose. To avoid that, make sure that you thank people for pointing out problems, encourage questions, make it safe for people to make errors, invest some coaching in building people’s problem-solving capabilities, and don’t expect anyone to have all the answers every time (and especially not right off the bat).

I originally published this at Intuit QuickBase’s Fast Track blog.

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former employee of a league I write about is harassing me

by Alison Green on January 5, 2016

A reader writes:

I’ve been working as a writer on, let’s say, teapots for a few years, and have been working hard to make my way from blogger to reporter. In the past I’ve tried to write about the Westeros Teapot League, but they were not set up to accommodate media requests, so I gave up writing about them. Last year, I was hired by a site to write solely about the King’s Landing Teapot League. They credentialed me, were very accommodating with media requests, and teapot contests were accessible to me.

The two leagues had some issues that I reported on, with many WTL players joining the KLTL. A lot of the stories that came from the players were less than complimentary towards the WTL, and while I remained as objective as possible myself, the quotes from the players were clearly frustrated with the Westeros league and looked at the King’s Landing league as a much better option.

For a year now, I’ve been receiving angry, negative comments on my articles about KLTL on my site by one particular woman. Which, okay, it happens. But this particular commenter has left comments on more than half my pieces over the course of months, growing more and more abusive as the months have worn on. At first I tried to engage reasonably, but it only enraged her further, so I stopped even reading beyond the first few lines of her comments.

I have asked my website to block her IP address from commenting; they refused, telling me it’s a perverse compliment. This did not go down well with me as I was stalked in the past (not connected to this), which was absolutely terrifying. This has brought up a lot of those old fears but since a) this harassment is online, not in person and b) she stopped commenting for a month or so, I let sleeping dogs lie.

I have since gotten a new editor, and my commenter has turned back up.

The kicker of this is, I’m 99% sure this is the former communications director of the WTL. She uses the same phrasing as this commenter (who goes by the same first name), her IP address is very similar and she often knows things only a league employee would know. I’ve reached the point where I want to contact her former employer and tell them this is occurring and they need to put a stop to it.

If it’s her former employer, they’re unlikely to be able to do anything about it. And, if you’re wrong, you risk unfairly defaming her.

Unfortunately, angry and negative comments are part of writing online. That’s just the unpleasant reality, and yeah, it can be truly hurtful and upsetting. In fact, at times it can make your brain begin bleeding out of your eyeballs, which is both gross and unhealthy.

But it is indeed part of writing online. It’s going to happen, and you can’t reasonably insist that your employer ban someone just for negative comments. However, when someone’s comments cross over to abusive, especially repeatedly, that’s a different thing.

I wonder if, when you talked to your employer, you showed them the truly abusive stuff this person posted, or more of a mixed selection that included the merely negative? If so, they might have not realized exactly how bad the situation is, and it would be worth going back to them with a selection focused specifically on outright abuse.

Also, does your employer have a commenting policy that addresses what is and isn’t acceptable? If so, is it enforced? It they don’t have a policy or it’s not well-enforced, you could tackle it from that angle — pointing out that any well-trafficked website needs to have a method of enforcing community standards so that its commenting section doesn’t become a race to the bottom that drives away civil commentary. You could show them some examples of similar sites that have good policies, and could even point out that Twitter recently changed its policy and announced they’ll now ban users who send abusive tweets (and that they’re getting loads of good press about it).

Beyond that, though: Does your job require you to engage with commenters? If not, you might simply consider a break from reading comments, possibly a permanent one. Loads of writers don’t read the comments on their pieces, for exactly this kind of reason. (For example, while I try to look over most of the comments here, I never read the comments on my articles on Yahoo! News, because they’re at a totally different level of discourse and I’m not a masochist.) If you’ve been feeling somehow bound to follow the comments on your pieces, try giving yourself permission to skip them and see how you feel.

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I can’t get a former coworker to respond to me, job offers made by FedEx, and more

by Alison Green on January 5, 2016

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I can’t get a former coworker to respond to me

I left the organization I worked for several months ago. I did not part on good terms with this organization; a false allegation had been made against me, I wasn’t given a chance to tell my side, and I resigned. I didn’t get to talk to anyone before my departure.

There was someone who I wanted to stay in touch with there, and I have tried reaching out to them through email but do not get a response. During the time I worked there (more than three years), I had a very good relationship with this person and I looked up to them very much. I have been stumped as to why they do not respond to my emails and don’t know what to do.

I’d assume that it’s the “not parting on good terms” that’s in play here. They either believe the allegation that was made or don’t like the way you left (for example, if you resigned without giving notice), or they don’t want to get involved, or they think it will be harmful to their own standing or reputation to continue to be in touch with you.

I don’t think there’s much else you can do here. You’ve reached out and they’re not getting back to you, and you pretty much have to leave it there. Depending on the details of your departure, it’s possible that reaching out to them with a reasonably concise, not-angry-sounding email explaining what happened could change their stance, but it’s also possible that it could just reinforce the wall they already have up; it’s hard to say without knowing the details or what this person is like.

Basically, though, when you leave on bad terms, there’s a good chance it will affect your relationships with people there (even if it wasn’t your fault).

2. Our boss never submits us for our employee recognition newsletter

What are your thoughts on employee recognition newsletters? The HR department at my workplace sends these out on a quarterly basis, and I’m starting to question how they are put together. They appear to be a place to note employee achievements (either work- or non-work-related) as well as list new hires and retirements. It seems as though HR relies entirely on information provided by department heads for these newsletters, and I am starting to think this can lead to people and/or accomplishments being left out if the department head isn’t aware of an achievement or forgets to submit it.

My department has particularly low morale, and the department head doesn’t seem interested in putting much effort into his submittals. At one point he asked me to write up an achievement for him to submit. I emailed him a short paragraph, and then he forgot to submit it! This type of attitude from him means the submittals from my department are scant and slanted towards 1-2 people, and we actually are the biggest department.

I wondered what your thoughts in general are about these types of things, and also if you think it would be worthwhile to suggest to HR that they set up an online submittal form that anyone could use?

I’m neutral on them in general; there are good ones and there are bad ones, and it really depends on how they’re done. But in your particular case, what would happen if you and your coworkers just submitted information yourselves?

I do think it could worthwhile to suggest to HR that they set up an online submission form. They might have reasons not to want to do that (maybe they want managers vetting submissions for accuracy or something, who knows), but there’s no reason not to suggest it to them.

3. Job offers made by email or FedEx

I’ve been at my current job for nearly three years. When I was being hired, I simply received an offer letter via FedEx rather than a phone call. I thought it was odd at the time but figured that it must have been a miscommunication between HR and the hiring manager or something.

I am now in the position of hiring someone and have selected someone. I’ve found out that HR will be simply emailing the candidate am offer and copying me. Is this normal? I’ve had several jobs and have always received a phone call so this is very strange to me.

Some companies do indeed do it that way. But you’re right to want to make the offer yourself; the way you extend the offer can be part of your recruitment strategy, because it gives you the chance to tell the candidate how excited you are about potentially bringing them onboard and why and to sell the job a bit. That’s a lot more compelling than a sterile written offer that shows up in a form email from HR (let alone hearing about it for the first time via a FedEx package).

Just because this is your company’s default doesn’t mean you can’t do it differently. I’d try telling HR that you’d prefer to make the candidate the offer yourself, over the phone, and then have them follow-up with the written offer and other paperwork. If you have a really bureaucratic and rigid HR department, they may refuse — but it’s a very reasonable thing to ask.

4. I’m frustrated with how my employer is handling a promotion I applied for

I recently applied for an internal job and was told that I would hear sometime in late December. Late December rolled around and I did hear, but they said that they would be extending the search due to an inadequate candidate pool, but that I would still be considered for the position after they interview more candidates.

I’m feeling pretty frustrated by this, but I’m not sure if I’m justified. I have worked at this organization for five years in an entry-level role, and I need a change – I’m exhausted in my current role and am constantly being given additional responsibilities, including covering for a coworker who was out on leave for the past six months for no additional pay. To do all that I have done for the company (I know that I am not exactly objective, but I know I have contributed in many ways that my coworkers haven’t) and then to be left in limbo – well, it stings, even if it isn’t in their control, and it really turns me off from continuing to give my all to this organization, even if it is in a promoted capacity.

Overall my employer is not the worst – I work a lot of hours but the benefits are good (even though the salary isn’t awesome) and I have some good work friends, though not as many as I did when I first started, due to the high turnover of entry-level positions. I know that it’s still a recent development and that part of me is bitter, but in many ways this also feels like a “last straw” of sorts.

My question, I guess, is where do I go from here – should I assume I’m not being considered and conduct a full job search? How do I determine if I’m leaving because it’s time or if it’s out of spite? Do I just behave as if this never happened when there are colleagues and supervisors who were in my interview?

Start a job search. Not because you have no chance of getting this position, but because you have no guarantee of getting this position (and while “we need a bigger candidate pool” is a perfectly legitimate position, it also tells you that they’re not jumping to hire you).

Meanwhile, though, this is the exact wrong time to let frustration or bitterness stop you from working at a high level. You need to have a strong professional reputation for this job search, and it’s certainly not going to up your chances of that promotion if you start letting things slip. And for what it’s worth, they haven’t really done you wrong here: They shouldn’t use promotions as a reward for hard work in a different position because they have an obligation to find and hire the best person for the role. I’d try to see your frustration just as a sign that you’re done with this role and ready to move on to a new position, rather than as a marker that you’ve been mistreated here.

5. Can my company have a Monday-Sunday work week?

What defines the work week? We work five days on and three off, and our pay period runs Monday through Sunday. So there are weeks that our work week runs into a new pay week. We currently get paid over time for any hours worked over 40 Monday-Sunday. I am a commercial truck driver, and my typical work week is 50-60 hours.

It’s up to individual companies to decide how they want to define the seven-day work week (meaning that they can choose to start it on Sunday or Tuesday or Friday or whatever they want). It does need to be the same seven-day period each time; they can’t keep mixing it up to get out of paying overtime. Since your company is using the same work week consistently (always starting with Monday), it sounds like they’re compliant with the law.

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