Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Employee is taking all his vacation days at our busiest time of year

I am a first-time manager and have a question on how to discuss vacation time with one of my employees. We have a use it or lose it vacation day policy based on calendar year. The employee in question, Bob, has 15 vacation days and was hired before I came to be his manager.

Last week, Bob put in a vacation request to use all 15 days in December around the holidays, resulting in four work weeks off at the same time. I was shocked. December and January is our busiest time of the year for our department and is generally a complete blackout for scheduling travel, conferences, and yes, vacation.

Up until this happened, it had not occurred to me to check or ask about how much vacation time all of my employees had left for the year; he hadn’t used any at all. After discussing with my manager, we agreed to approve the request for various reasons, but mostly because this employee is highly valued and has seemed unhappy lately. Bob and I discussed and agreed that his work that was due end of December must be complete before he leaves.

However, this just can’t happen in the future. I can’t have an employee out for one week at our busiest time of year, let alone four weeks straight. Taking all 15 days together at any other time of the year is also unacceptable. Anything more than 5 or 6 working days off in a row is frowned upon. Bob only uses vacation time to visit family overseas, and based on some of the hiring documents and our conversations, vacation time to visit family is a big priority for him.

I am struggling with balancing the needs of the business and keeping my highly valued employee happy. Working remotely is not a feasible option because most of our work is teamwork/meeting based and his family is located in the totally opposite time zone of our office location. I realize I might lose him over this but I don’t see a compromise. How do I have this conversation with Bob? Do I have it before or after this upcoming vacation?

If he’s highly valued, I’d find a way to let him take a long vacation next year too, as long as it’s not at your busiest time of year. Other businesses manage to let people take two weeks off at time; at a minimum, you should be able to accommodate that, certainly for someone as valued as you say he is.

Don’t raise this before his upcoming vacation; you’ve already discussed this vacation, and raising it again would aggravate most people. Instead, wait for the new year, tell him that you know it’s important to him to be able to take longer vacations than are typical for your office, and that you’re committed to working with him to find a way to make it happen — but that it can’t be during December because that’s your busiest time of year and you need X amount of notice.

Read an update to this letter here.

2. My interviewer gave me a Scientology assessment

I just had a very weird group interview for a receptionist/admin position at a “functional wellness” center that consisted entirely of a set of aptitude and personality tests. The first was a timed portion that seemed focused on our ability to follow very fiddly, often unclear directions under pressure. The second part was a 200 question personality assessment with yes/maybe/no options for answers. I’m not put off my these kind of assessments; I know they’re dealing with a large number of similarly qualified applicants and I’ve worked in busy reception offices before, so I know there are some soft skills that can be hard to tease out in regular interviews. But a number of these questions seemed really weird. There were a bunch of variations of “I believe people are talking about me” or “I think other people are out to get me,” and one asked if the idea of treating a critically injured co-worked was “abhorrent” to me.

The testing was all very clearly branded as “MasterTech Personnel Potential Analysis Test,” and I am just generally curious about who develops this sort of thing and how they market it. So I googled it when I got home, and the tests I took were developed by L. Ron Hubbard as Scientology assessments and still licensed through “Hubbard College.”

I guess my question for you is, do you have any idea how widespread the use of these particular assessment tests are? Does this mean that this company is likely affiliated with Scientology, or just that the people who own the practice are willing to buy assessment tests of dubious merit?

Hard to say with certainty (I suppose it could just be the decision of someone highly naive), but my money is on them being affiliated with Scientology, or at least that the owner is.

3. Handling an irate fired employee when she comes in to pick up her check

We hired an employee as a daytime manager in our new pizzeria that has been opened for only two weeks. Her performance was not good; she made a lot of mistakes like putting in an order and not collecting the money, delivering a pizza and not collecting the money (so she says), and eating on her shift while working, without taking a break to eat. We told everyone they can eat before their shift or after, not during. She simply disregarded this and sat down to eat. There are a few more things, but what I really want to know is the following:

We made the new schedule up and posted it Friday night. She doesn’t work Saturday and Sunday, so we were going to tell her that we were letting her go on Monday when she came to pick up her paycheck. Meanwhile, she called and asked one of the staff to take a picture of the schedule to see when she was working. Well, when she saw that she wasn’t on the schedule, she became very irate, and called cursing me out using foul language and told us we would be sorry that we ruined her life. We are not sure how to handle this person now and what to do when she comes in for her check.

Give her her check and assume she’ll leave without making a disruption, since that’s the most likely scenario. If she does become disruptive, tell her she needs to leave and that you’ll call the police if she doesn’t. Alternately, you could put the check in the mail if you really don’t want to deal with it, but if she’s already planning to pick it up, it’s probably too late for that.

For what it’s worth, if you’ve decided to fire someone, it’s kindest to tell them right away, rather than waiting until they come in next time. That doesn’t excuse her behavior (which was totally unwarranted), but in the future call people to deliver this news, rather than waiting for them to come in.

4. When can I sign up for some of my new job’s perks?

I recently (as in, September 20th) started a new job. With this job, I get two really great perks: a free annual membership for every rec center in the city, and a heavily discounted phone plan. Being that it’s only my first week, I feel really weird about asking to sign up for these two right off the bat (I have to get my supervisor to sign a paper before I go apply for both). When should I ask? Or should I even wait at all?

I think it’s fine to ask now. These are part of your benefits package, and it’s not like asking to use vacation right away (which would take you away from work and thus isn’t normally done right after starting); it’s okay to ask your manager about it now.

5. Half-day vacation increments

Frequently we get requests from exempt employees who want to take a half day to handle personal issues. They have both sick and vacation time available to them. I’ve read over and over again the rules on only being allowed to deduct full days for exempt employees, but what about those half days (especially when they have requested the time off and want it to be applied to their vacation or sick time)? If what I am reading is correct, it sounds like that is definitely a no-no. Can you talk about this a little more, because I don’t think it’s wrong to use that vacation/sick in half-day increments if they have made the request.

You can deduct half-days from someone’s vacation time. The rule on not being able to deduct half-day increments from exempt employees refers solely to their pay — not to their PTO. So go forth and deduct half days if that’s what everyone wants.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Should I warn an acquaintance not to take a job at my awful company?

I know someone, friend of friends, who may be trying to join my small company. However, it’s a terrible place and several of us are trying to leave ASAP. If this were a friend I would def let her know. But this is an acquaintance. Do I say something?

I ran into this person, and she excitedly told me she was meeting with the boss Friday. She asked me how I liked the job and I couldn’t lie. I took a long pause, and then said there were parts I liked. I told her if she had more specific questions to ask, she already has my email.

Shouldn’t my response be a huge red flag to her? I feel like I’m doing her a favor and she hasn’t asked me any more questions. I’m annoyed that I was honest with someone who may be too stupid to realize I’m trying to non-verbally tell her “Run the F away!” Or maybe she just thinks I’m a kook.

You should tell her, and much more explicitly than what you already said. I think lots of people wouldn’t hear the hint in what you said, especially since people applying for a job often have rosy-colored glasses on. I don’t think most people would recognize it as a huge red flag, and I don’t think that makes them stupid.

Given the impact a terrible job will have on your quality of life, you should speak up. Don’t rely on hints. Say something.

2. When a reference is also an ex

I’ve been out of the full-time workforce for several years dealing with family health issues (I’ve done several part-time, “survival” jobs in that time which allowed me to cover my caregiver responsibilities to my family members), but am now applying for full-time jobs in my field.

A fantastic, right-up-my-street job has just been advertised and I’m applying. My former manager in the last full-time job I held, which directly relates to the position, is adamant I should cite him as a reference.

My dilemma is: *after* former manager resigned and went to work elsewhere, he and I dated and were in a relationship for a couple of years. The relationship ended amicably a year ago, and we are still friends. It’s a fairly small professional world in the area I live, and it’s possible, although unlikely, that the people I interview with/putative future managers will know or learn of our past relationship.

Am I overthinking this? Or would citing him as a reference be unprofessional? *I* know he would give me an excellent reference *based on the work I did when he was my boss*, but I’m concerned about how our former personal relationship might look to a potential employer if they know of it, or if it were to become known if I got the job.

Ooooh, yeah, that’s not ideal. On one hand, he was your manager and can presumably speak knowledgeably about your work. But his objectivity is now compromised because of the personal relationship you had (just like how if you worked for your mom, most people wouldn’t consider her a fully objective, unbiased reference either).

If you have any other reasonable options for references, I’d use them instead. If an employer asks about the manager from your last job, I’d say, “I’d be happy to put you in touch with him, but we have a social relationship so I didn’t want to offer him up on my initial list.”

3. Can I refuse to train people for the job I’d like to be doing?

I have been at my company for over a year, and when a higher position opened up twice, the company has hired people outside of the company and asked me to train them. I asked what am I doing or not doing that’s preventing me from growing with the company, and my boss said that I’m doing a great job and would discuss it with her boss. I’m still waiting for a response, but she continues to interview. I’m at the point where I want to say no, I will not train someone for a position they don’t seem to think I’m qualified for, even though I do the duties of the position. Any advice? I’m trying to stay positive and don’t want to lose my job.

As long as you’re working there, you can’t refuse to train people if that’s what your boss is assigning you to do. Trying to refuse to do that will destroy your reputation and possibly get you fired. That’s not a path that will get you the outcome you want.

Have you explicitly applied for this job? You don’t say that you have, and if you’re just waiting to be moved into it, that could be part of the problem. Apply, and if you don’t get it, ask for feedback and ask your boss to talk to you about what a path to advancement looks like for you there. Meanwhile, you can also search outside the company if you’d like.

But also — one year is not a long time to be in one position. In most fields, it would be really premature to be getting this antsy.

4. My company keeps saying that we’ll talk about a raise, but we never do

My company gave me a promotion, saying we would try it out for three months and at the end of the three months we would talk about a raise. Well, the three months came and went, and then six months came and went. I was promoted another level with the same conversation about let’s try it out for three months and then we can address a raise. It has been about a year and a half, and I have not seen a raise. So I have been promoted twice and have not been compensated.

I have since found out that my company has done this to at least three more of my coworkers. Is this legal?

Yep. If they made a firm salary agreement with you, they’d need to honor that, but they didn’t; they just said they’d talk about it at a certain point.

It’s not clear to me if you’ve been bringing it up at these three-month intervals. If not, you should bring it up now. And stop accepting their “we’ll talk about it in a few months” promises; if you’re taking a promotion, negotiate a raise as part of it.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I used an alias to reapply for a job with a company that just rejected me

I applied to a job and went to the third round and then never heard back. Later I learned that the position has been filled. I was not getting any reply from the company after my interview, although I was told “you did great and you ll hear back in a week.” I was trying to reach HR, the team, and everyone, but nobody answered, so I made another profile in their online application system with the same resume, but I changed the name to my alias.

I applied for anther job in same department using my alias. Yesterday I got a call from HR (phone screening) and he scheduled me for interview with the team. What should I do? Should I attend?

I am so confused about what you were attempting to accomplish with applying again with an alias. Obviously if you meet with them, they’re going to realize that it’s you and they’re going to wonder why you’re using an alias. It’s going to look like you were attempting to trick them into interviewing you, and it’s also going to look like a really weirdly-thought-out plan, since they’d of course realize it once you showed up in person.

This is a bad idea.

The only thing I can think of that you could do to try to salvage this would be to immediately fess up to the HR person who scheduled the interview and try to come up with an explanation that might make sense. (I’m racking my brain here and all I can come up with is something like, “I want to mention that I interviewed with this team last month. They know me as Barnaby Warbleworth, my legal name. I use Percival Montblanc socially and I didn’t realize I’d put it on the application.”) But … it’s going to seem weird.

2. How can I tell my manager that I can’t drive on a business trip?

I am in my 30s, but have had severe anxiety about driving all my life. I didn’t get my license until I was 25 and have minimized driving since then. After some therapy, I’ve gotten to the point where I can sort of function in daily life. I can drive to the grocery store and around town, and I take public transit to work since I’m in a large city. I avoid rush hour, highways, and unfamiliar roads. No one at work knows about this.

Here’s where it gets horrible. Our office director recently put me on a project that involves meetings in very small towns in our region. I’m flattered and happy to support the project…but she wants me to do more than just my usual desk job and actually go to those towns for some meetings. The towns are far enough away that I would fly to the nearest city but would still need to drive 1-2 hours from an unfamiliar airport to get to my destination.

What are my options at this point? I am way too embarrassed to admit to her that I can’t drive. I also can’t tell her I’m not interested in the project (plus she didn’t make it sound like I had an option and she’s the big boss). I could try to wing it and just do the driving and hope I survive. But that means I’ll be stressed out (as in unable to eat and sleep and be happy) while I dread this for the next few months. I could hope and pray she offers to drive herself since she is going too, but that just seems risky. I can’t quit my job tomorrow because I actually like it and need the money and jobs in my field are rare (yes, I seriously considered this). I am out of ideas. I know I likely need to tell her the truth and that she would need to do the driving, but I’m really hoping you have a magical solution that doesn’t make me feel like a child.

No magical solution, unfortunately. But you’re far better off explaining that you can’t drive than telling her you’re not interested in the project or quitting your job (especially since this could come up again at the next job).

The tricky part about this is that it would actually be pretty straightforward to say “I can’t drive”; it’s unusual, but some people really never learned. In your case, though, you do have a license and do a little bit of driving — and if she ever realizes either of those things, you risk looking like you lied if you tell her you can’t drive at all. But explaining the whole situation comes with the risk that she won’t take it seriously and just tell you to drive anyway, or will see it as career-limiting in a way that “I never learned to drive” might not be.

No chance that some intense cognitive behavioral therapy over the next few months could solve this, I suppose?

Read an update to this letter here.

3. My manager is AWOL

I currently work in an office with 4-5 people, depending on what day it is, and our “manager” is in another part of the building. The only real interaction we have with this person is “good morning,” “hello,” or “nice sweater.” There is no oversight, no structure, no policy implementation, no supervision, no problem resolution, no feedback, no praise, nothing. On one hand, I like working independently without someone breathing down my neck, but on the other hand, there are so many times when we need someone in charge and there is no one there. I often feel like I want to step up to the plate, but it’s not my job or place to do so.

We have a very disruptive employee who causes a lot of drama and conflict due to her personality, and this has caused so many issues within the office that I can’t list them, not to mention extreme stress on myself and my fellow coworkers, one of whom just walks out of the room frequently because she can’t handle the drama. I have requested management out there for this reason, but the answer is “no, come to me when she does something so I can handle it,” etc. I don’t particularly feel that I should be going in there complaining about a coworker when what we need is proper management to be in charge of this and see first-hand what is going on and to put a stop to it. I told the manager this so she knew my position (same position as the other employees, by the way), thinking she would hopefully be more involved in the office (which did not happen). Plus it’s a small enough office that this person would guess who went in there.

The last time the “manager” asked us how things were going was a year ago. No follow-ups. We never have meetings. They’re obviously not interested in managing or knowing what is going on. All the while, I’m led to believe this is a normal office set-up. Am I being unreasonable by wanting someone in charge to keep things in order, or is this normal to be expected to tattle on your coworkers to get anything fixed? It just doesn’t feel right to me.

No, it’s not normal to have a complete lack of management. It’s not inherently problematic to have your manager in another location; the issue is that your manager is declining to do any of the normal parts of managing, like the ones you listed. She doesn’t need to be on-site to do those things; she just needs to do them, and she’s apparently chosen not to.

That said, she did ask you to come to here when you need her involvement, and you’re choosing not to do that in this situation. I agree your manager sounds horribly negligent, but I’d be curious to know what would happen if you did take her up on that request.

4. Can I move up my start date since my old employer told me to leave sooner than I expected?

I work in an industry where it is common courtesy to give at least a one-month period. I set a start date with my next employer for a month away, and when I gave notice to my current employer, he told me to wrap up everything and leave this Friday.

I wanted to know if it is okay to ask my future employer if they can move the start date up by two weeks. I’m happy to have a two-week funemployment time, but I will probably go insane if I have to do it for four weeks. And they seemed to be eager for me to start. But I am afraid it will look like I’m flaky for asking to change terms that were agreed upon, or that they may find it weird that my employer didn’t want me any longer and pull the offer or something. Did my previous job left me too paranoid?

I’d probably keep the original start date, unless you need the money from starting earlier, just since that’s what’s already been agreed to and what they’re planning around. That said, it’s usually fine to say something like, “My employer tends to like people to leave right away when they give notice, so I’d actually be available to start earlier if you’d like” or “Due to what made sense with our project workflow, I’m actually going to be available in two weeks, if you’d like me to start then instead.”

5. Should I be paid for the time I’m training for my new job?

I’m a recent college graduate. Earlier this summer, I interviewed for a medical scribe position that requires new hires to complete a substantial amount of unpaid training before beginning work. My interviewer explained that new hires would first be required to complete an online class covering things like basic medical terminology, how to write a medical note, and common diagnoses in the specific specialty of the doctor we would be working with. Since this class would be completed at our own pace, on our own schedule, and we would not officially begin work until after we had passed it, it didn’t seem unreasonable for this portion of training to be unpaid.

However, I was then told that new hires would also be required to complete six days of unpaid on-site training, during which we would basically be performing all of our regular job duties under the supervision of a more senior scribe. Am I right to think that this seems a bit shady? As I understand it, employers are required to compensate employees for all hours worked, even if they are still being trained. However, I’ve never worked in the health care industry before, so I don’t feel that I have enough of a reference point to determine whether this practice is normal. So, is this a red flag? Should the company be paying trainees for those first 6 days of work, or is it okay for them not to?

For the record, I live in the state of Wisconsin, although this company operates all over the country.

While it’s normally true that you have to be paid for all hours spent working, the law actually has a special category for pre-employment training programs, which are regulated differently because you’re not yet considered an employee. If all six of these criteria apply, an employer is not required to pay you for pre-employment training:

1. The training, even though it includes actual operation of the employer’s facilities, is similar to training that would be given in a vocational school (this means the training is “fungible,” or interchangeable, and can be used by the employee in another position with another employer).
2. The training is for the benefit of the trainee.
3. The trainees do not displace regular employees but work under close observation.
4. The employer that provides the training derives no immediate advantage from the trainees’ activities and at least on occasion, its operations may actually be impeded.
5. The trainees are not necessarily entitled to a job at the completion of the training period.
6. Both the employer and the trainees have an understanding that the trainees are not entitled to wages for the time spent in training.

You’d need a lawyer to take a closer look to tell you for sure, but it sounds like #5 isn’t true in your situation, and maybe not #2. If so, your employer would indeed need to pay you for this time.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker is constantly coughing and blowing her nose

My coworker who I share an office with has been sick for the past month and a half. She hates going to the doctor or taking medicine, but finally went a week ago and got some antibiotics and cough medicine. The cough medicine has codeine in it, so she can’t take it during work hours. The antibiotics don’t seem to be helping. My issue is with her constant cough and nose blowing. It’s the long, gaspy Grandpa-type wheezing cough, and honky blowing nose that sounds like it’s out of a cartoon. Both VERY LOUD. She will even go to the restroom, get tissue, and bring it back to her desk, then blow her nose. When she blows her nose, she places the used tissue on her desk, uses no hand sanitizer, and continues her work – spreading these germs everywhere.

I asked my supervisor if she could say something, and she said she couldn’t do anything but I could email our office nurse. I did so, and we actually had another coworker email her last week about this issue also. The nurse said she had spoken to her, gave a phamplet about spreading germs, gave samples of hand sanitizer, but couldn’t tell her to to go to the restroom to blow her nose because it is a “common sense issue.” She told me that office mates usually are comfortable enough with each other that I could ask her to stop blowing her nose in our office. But I’m not that comfortable with her, which is why I turned to my supervisor for help in the first place. I feel like my supervisor thinks I’m being petty, but I wonder how she would feel if she were put in my position. We also work in a home health and hospice facility, so you would think this sort of thing would be stopped immediately. I am at my wit’s end about where to go from here. It’s to the point I am considering finding another job because this happens every time she is sick. This has just been the longest time because it took five weeks for her to go to the doctor. Am I being petty? Should I have to sit and be uncomfortable and grossed out in my workspace?

I totally get why this is distracting and grossing you out. But there’s really nothing that can be done about the cough and the fact that she has to blow her nose; she’s getting over an illness, and this comes with the territory when you work around other people. (It’s almost certainly worse for her than it is for you though, which could be useful to keep in mind.)

I would guess that your manager is declining to get involved because she can’t reasonably order someone to stop coughing and blowing her nose, and may not be up for micromanaging adults on precisely where and how to blow it.

But there’s no reason that you, as a coworker, can’t at least address the dirty tissues by saying something like, “Jane, would you mind putting tissues in the trash right after you use them to lower the chances of spreading germs?”

Of course, that’s only going to take care of part of this, and I get the sense the noise is bothering you more. And I agree that noise of any kind is distracting … but only you can decide if it outweighs the major hassles and impact on your career of changing jobs over something like this. (Keep in mind, though, that you could easily run into the exact same problem at the next job!)

2. Do I have to put my legal name on job applications?

I would like to know if it makes any difference whether you fill in application forms with your legal name vs your nickname/preferred name? My official legal name is a Chinese name, and most people butcher it or get confused when attempting to say it. I’m also self-conscious about it because some people have an innate bias against employing people with VERY ethnic-sounding names (and I’m not talking about something simple like Mei or Li). I’m actually born in the USA and I clearly have full citizenship, but people are surprised and ask why I have a Chinese name. It’s extremely annoying, and I don’t want to have to explain my parents’ choices.

I’ve been filling out my applications with my preferred name, and my resume uses my preferred name, but now I wonder, do some employers attempt to do background checks on me? And if they can’t find a background because I used a different name, does that affect my chances of employment?

It’s true that putting something other than your legal name could cause problems with a background check, but it’s also true that there’s still plenty of unconscious bias around that employers often don’t even realize is factoring into their thinking.

While the standard advice is usually to put your full legal name on an application form, I really don’t think it would cause issues if you just gave the employer a heads-up once you were at or nearing the background check stage. (Background checks are usually done at the very end of the hiring process, not early on; employers wait until you’re a finalist since they’re time-consuming and expensive.)

And people asking why you have a Chinese name suck.

3. How will my 17 vacation days at my new job work if I’m starting close to the end of the year?

I just got a job offer and have 17 vacation days. My job doesn’t start until mid-October. I’m eager to start the position however I wouldn’t want vacation to go to waste. Are vacation days for a 12-month period? Or valid until the end of the year and another 17 vacation days given at the beginning of the next year?

It’s up to your employer, but most companies handle vacation per calendar year. However, it’s very, very likely that those days are going to be prorated. If you get an annual allotment of 17 days and you’re only employed there, say, 12 weeks this year, that’s 23% of the year and with many companies that would mean you’d get 23% of that annual allotment — meaning four days. Another common arrangement is that you don’t get all 17 days on January 1, but rather accrue a piece of that per pay period; for example, you might accrue one-third of a day each week you’re employed, which would total 17 by the end of the year.

But regardless of all of that, you really don’t want to start a new job and take 17 days off (nearly a full month of work days) in your first three months.

4. Staffing agency re-listed my new job

I just started a three-month contract position with a new company. I have the position through a staffing/temp agency. I’m working directly under the company’s CEO for this special project. He seems to really like the work I’ve done so far and I am interfacing well with the other employees I have to work with on this project. Nice place, good atmosphere, been getting along with coworkers and I think I picked up on their software and (sort of specialized) industry quickly.

I received a call from my contact at the staffing agency. He called to see how I felt about the new job. He said they told him they really loved me over there and felt it was a good fit. I said I felt the same way. So all is good, right?

I’m way ahead of schedule on the project (much to the CEO’s delight) and I don’t think I’ll be there the whole three months. My contract specifically says the timeframe is “until the project is completed” not a length of time, so I figure I could work myself out of a job in a month. So, I start checking out the job listings for a similar job, figure I will send out a few resumes and cover letters while I still am pulling in an income and suddenly I see a listing for… my job! The position I have now was re-posted by the staffing agency the Saturday after my first day. It’s been about two weeks since then. Is the staffing agency just covering their butts and trying to have a pool of candidates in reserve? Is this something to worry about?

There are lots of possible explanations for this, such as that it’s for a different job than yours or that it was simply re-listed by mistake. But why not just ask your agency and put your mind at ease?

5. Reapplying for a job I was rejected for previously

In April, I applied for a job position within a company. I got up to the second interview with the hiring manager, but unfortunately I couldn’t pass the aptitude test because I wasn’t prepared enough at that time.

So I been applying for the same position again repeatedly since then, but I been declined for the first interview because they said I don’t meet the job qualifications, which I don’t think is the case because I was qualified for the same job position a few months ago. Would it be a good idea to contact the recruiter who I spoke to first and ask for help, since she reviewed my qualifications on the past?

I think this one is gone. When they told you that you’re not qualified, they meant based on what they know of your candidacy now, which includes the earlier interviews and the aptitude test. They’ve gotten to know you a bit and rightly or wrongly made the judgment that you’re not right for the position. I would stop applying for this one and move on.