my coworker tries to compliment me into doing more work

by Alison Green on September 23, 2015

A reader writes:

My coworker, who is senior to me but not my boss, pushes significantly more work down to me than other coworkers in his position. With other coworkers at his level, I do somewhere between 40% to 60% of the work on a project; when I work with him, I end up doing almost 80 to 85% of the work.

I think this is largely because he doesn’t know how to do some of the work, he just doesn’t want to do it, and my work is often better. I also suspect he is pretending to know less than he does just to avoid doing the work. For example, he can’t find where a file is on our system even though the file name is in footer.

What is most annoying is that he says things like “You should call the client; she likes you so much. You’re developing such a great relationship and I like to foster that” … “You are so much more detail-oriented. I’ll feel better if you do it” … “I just don’t know how to that. You’re really the expert at that” … and “You never forget what to include so you should do it.” I feel like these are usually true, but they are being used to punish me, not reward or praise me.

Outside of me explicitly saying that I will not able to get something to client by a deadline with everything else I have to do, he will not offer or attempt to do more than the minimum. I can’t say this every time. And it feels aggressive to say, “I have time today, but was the office past 10 p.m. the past three days, but you left at 6 p.m. every day and I’ve see you playing on your iPhone almost every time I have walked by your office” or “I think the client expects you as the more senior member to be more involved in this and so you should really should be.”

I am tempted next time a project comes up to say, “If I have to do as much work as I did on the Teapots project, I just don’t think it is feasible for me to help out with this unless there is someone else added to the team or if you feel like you’ll have time to help me out. Let me know.” And if the work gets pushed down, I can use this to make a case for allocating it more fairly. What would you say or do?

I’d start getting more comfortable with saying some of the things you list here but don’t want to say — or at least versions of them.

“I was the office past 10 p.m. the past three days, and really need to leave on time today” is a reasonable thing to say. You should leave off the “I’ve see you playing on your iPhone almost every time I have walked by your office” part because he’s senior to you, but you can certainly assert your own time management needs.

“I think the client expects you as the more senior member to be more involved in this” is also a reasonable thing to say, if you legitimately have that sense from the client.

It’s also reasonable to say, “The last time we worked together on a similar project, I ended up covering X, Y, and Z. I don’t have room in my schedule right now to take all that on, but I could do X if you can do Y and Z. Will that work?” (Of course, that needs to be true; you shouldn’t say that just on principle if you really do have room in your schedule, even though it might be tempting to.) And if he pouts, there’s no harm in pointing out that when you work with Jane and Bob (other coworkers in his same role), they routinely handle Y and Z.

If he tries to wheedle you into doing things with compliments, practice being immune to that. For example, I’d handle it this way:

Him: “You are so much more detail-oriented. I’ll feel better if you do it.”
You: “With the rest of my workload right now, I won’t have time to do that. Bob normally handles that when I work with him on similar projects.”
Him: “But you’re soooo great at it.”
You: “Thank you. But I won’t be able to fit it in with the rest of my workload right now.”

You could also try turning it back around on him:

Him: “You never forget what to include so you should do it.”
You: “You’re great at that yourself! And I won’t be able to get to it this week, so I think we should leave that with you.”

Keep in mind, he’s doing this at least in part because you’re making it pretty easy for him to do it. Stop making it so easy, and see what happens. My bet is that he’ll back off at least a bit.

Of course, the risk here is that he could complain to your boss that you don’t have time for the work he needs from you and that you aren’t being helpful, so you might want to consider looping your boss in ahead of time. That said, whether and how to approach it with your boss depends on what your boss thinks of this dude and what his standing in the organization is, as well as what your boss knows about your workload and work habits in general. If your boss knows you do awesome work and make good prioritization calls, she’s more likely to back you up, and the same is true if she’s not super impressed with him.

(Relatedly, you do want to have a good sense of how your boss would want you to handle this. If your boss’s stance is that helping these senior coworkers is part of your job and that it’s this guy’s prerogative to ask more of you than his peers do (which isn’t inherently an unreasonable stance in many contexts), you’d want to soften some of the language above. It would still be reasonable to negotiate workload and timelines relative to your other priorities, and it’s still reasonable to say “I can’t stay until 10 p.m. a fourth night in a row,” unless you’re in a job where that was part of the deal going in. But in that case, you’d want to limit the pushing back more to times when it truly would create a conflict with other things you need to get done, and at that point you might want to loop your boss in for input about how to handle the conflicts.)

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I don’t want to pick up my boss’s lunch for him

by Alison Green on September 23, 2015

A reader writes:

I am a 27-year-old woman working for a well-known national company. My store manager frequently (several times a week) asks one of us to go get lunch for him. He never offers to buy us lunch. All of my other coworkers dutifully do it for him without complaint, because we are all afraid of possible retribution if we refuse. He recently asked me to go get his lunch.

I asked him if he was buying (with a smile on my face, to show him I wasn’t being hostile). He said “Uh, if you want a burger, sure.” I asked where he wanted to go, and he named a place that is easily 2-3 miles away from our workplace (and which can have prices anywhere from $5-15) and said I could get MY lunch wherever I wanted (implying that is, as long as it was as cheap as a burger). I told him we could have the food delivered and then went and asked everyone at the company what they wanted.

However, I am concerned about the legality and safety issues of this. He claims this is “part of our job,” but nowhere in the employee handbook does it detail that particular task. Also, since he requires us to stay clocked in while we pick up the lunch, what would happen if we got into a car accident or something and were injured?

I’m trying to gather some information about this before I call Human Resources so I can be prepared.

You can read my answer to this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and often updating/expanding my answers to them).

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employee keeps asking coworkers for food and money

by Alison Green on September 23, 2015

A reader writes:

I have been managing a small department of four for two years. Everyone who I supervise is at the same level and paygrade. I was promoted after seven years in the position that they are in. We’ve gone through a lot of change as a department. In the last year, we’ve moved locations twice and began using new equipment and new software. We are also developing departmental standards. It has been a struggle to keep my team motivated.

In the middle of all this, there is an issue that keeps coming up. One employee keeps asking her teammates for food and money. Sometimes it is change for the vending machines and sometimes it’s more. She doesn’t pay them back. With food, sometimes she crosses boundaries — for example, asking for food that someone is still eating, taking handfulls from candy jars on desks, asking for some chips and eating the entire bag. She brings her own food too so it doesn’t seem like she is going hungry. I spoke to her about borrowing money during my first few months as her manager. She was asking one of our new temps and they were very uncomfortable. It seemed to get better. Then a few months later, I started getting complaints about the food and heard that the money thing was still an issue. My first response to the complaints was to tell them to say no and be firm and if she continues to ask to involve me. A few months after that, all three of her coworkers approached me separately with complaints, so I spoke with her about our employee assistance programs and recommended that stop asking for food and wait until it is offered. She was deeply offended and later had an emotional outburst where she confronted a coworker about it. They denied that there was a problem and later apologized to me in private. I told them that I can’t enforce this if they continue to enable it.

Fast forward to today. She is still asking. The three are giving her food but making fun of her behind her back. Two of the three are still complaining about her. I do not really know what to do from here. I spoke with my manager about it and he says we have two problems and that I need to handle it (the 3 making fun of her, and the one asking for food and money).

I think it’s time for a group meeting, but I don’t want to the first to be embarrassed. I also don’t want her to know they have been making fun of her either. Do you have any advice?

I’m not a fan of group meetings for this kind of thing. I’d rather see you talk individually with each person.

The first person to talk to is the employee who keeps asking for food and money. It sounds like it’s not really clear whether this is happening because she’s truly in distress and needs real assistance or not, so that’s the first thing to figure out, because the way you handle it should depend on that.

If she’s paid a reasonable wage, you might think food scarcity can’t really be the issue — but without knowing her home situation, it’s difficult to say for sure.

I’d compile a list of local resources to help her if she is dealing with food scarcity, and then meet with her. Tell her that the issues you spoke about previously are continuing, and you’re concerned. Tell her that if she’s in a situation where she’s not able to get enough food, the company is committed to helping to connect her with the resources she needs and offer her the list of local help you’ve put together. Then, tell her that you do need her to stop asking coworkers for food or money because it’s putting them in an unfair position — but that you also want to ensure she’s getting the food she needs. Ask her if she’s confident she can provide herself with enough food if she’s not asking her coworkers for theirs.

At this point, if it’s not sounding like a food scarcity issue, tell her that you need her to commit to stopping the requests of her coworkers. Tell her that if it continues to happen, you’re going to need to have a more serious conversation because it’s important that the rest of your team not feel pressured to give up their food or money.

If it is sounding like a scarcity issue, you should still ask her to stop making these requests of coworkers, but you’d want to do it from a stance of empathy and compassion. For example, you wouldn’t be at the “if it happens again, we’ll be having a serious conversation” stage — and ideally you’d help ensure she gets the assistance she needs.

Then, talk to the other people on your team. Tell them that you’ve addressed the issue with the first employee, but that you need them to stop making fun of her, immediately. I’d say this: “I understand how frustrating this behavior has been, and I’m committed to putting a stop to it. But complaining about Jane and making fun of her is just as distracting and harmful to our ability to work together as what she’s doing, and I need you to stop. If this comes up in the future, I want you to come to me and I’ll address it — but I need you to stop complaining to people who can’t solve the problem. Can you commit to doing that?”

Read an update to this letter here.

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using Facebook for work without looking like I’m goofing off, forwarding business calls to a personal phone, and more

by Alison Green on September 23, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Using Facebook for work without looking like I’m goofing off

I work in a large nonprofit, on a team of two that manages one program. I recently created a Facebook page and LinkedIn group for our program. Additionally, I created and curate an internal newsletter in which I summarize relevant articles and share them with staff that have opted in; to collect the articles that I include I use twitter, Facebook, and wide variety of websites (traditional news outlets, new media sites like Buzzfeed and Vox, blogs, etc.). All told, I spend at least an hour a day on social media and news sites for work.

We work in an open office plan, and I worry that people get the wrong impression when they see me with multiple tabs of twitter feeds and blog posts open when they walk by. I do not work in communications (our organization has a communications team, but individual programs manage their own social media accounts). While some of the people I work with either know or can easily understand what I’m doing, to the majority of people who come and go (and don’t necessarily know what my work encompasses), I think it just looks like I spend a lot of time screwing around.

Is there anything I could or should do about this? A sign on my cube? An email to my department? Just get over it, since my manager is on board?

I wouldn’t put a sign on your cube; it would probably look too defensive (unless you came up with funny wording, maybe). I’d mainly not worry about it, especially if you know you have a reputation for being conscientious and productive. But if it would give you peace of mind, you could say something at a department meeting if you have them (“I’m doing X, Y, and Z, which means you may see mean on social media and news sites a lot”). There are also some cultures where it wouldn’t be weird to email your department it (“Hey, I’m going to be spending a bunch of time on social media and news sites in order to do X, Y, and Z and feel weird about doing that without explaining to people why”), and other cultures where it would feel really odd to send that email — so I’d let your knowledge of your particular workplace culture be your guide there.

But mainly, I wouldn’t worry too much about it as long as your boss and people you work closely with know what’s up.

2. Employer wants to forward business calls to our personal phones whenever we’re away from our desks

Today my employer sent out an email stating that there would be call forwarding features installed at the college. Attached was a “follow-me calling form.” This was a consent form consenting to the receiving calls to our personal phone without any compensation whenever we are away from our desk.

I work in admissions at a college, so basically anyone can call call inquiring information about our school from the 800 numbers or currently enrolled students. This can cause many overage fees for me if forwarded to my phone. Can they legally tell us to do this, especially without compensation? They gave us a deadline of this Friday.

They can legally do this. If you’re in California, they’re required to pay a portion of your cell phone bill. If you’re not in California, you should just ask your employer how you should file for reimbursement for any overage charges that this new set-up incurs. In other words, assume that you’ll be reimbursed and ask them about the logistics for making that happen — because any reasonable employer will reimburse you if this incurs extra charges.

I can’t tell from the way your letter is worded if this is just when you’re away from your desk (meaning still during the workday) or if it’s outside of work hours too. If it’s outside of work hours, it’s a pretty significant change in the conditions of your employment, and I’d be asking more about that — are you expected to be available evenings and weekends now? What if you typically turn your phone off on the weekends? What exactly are they asking you to do? And of course, if you’re non-exempt, you’d need to be paid for any time spent answering those calls.

Oh, and ask if it’s optional, too. It may be.

3. Thanking my coworker for a gift card she gave me after a favor

I’ve worked in the same 80-person office for three years and know everyone really well. Our office manager recently approached me to ask for help reformatting a budgeting report she’s owned for the last four years. I ended up automating the whole process for her, which took less than two hours for me. She was super grateful and promised to get me a thank-you gift since it was outside the scope of my regular job. (I said I was happy to help and told her a gift really wasn’t necessary.)

The next week, she gave me a really sweet thank-you card and one of those pre-loaded one-time credit cards worth $50. It was very nice and I thanked her a lot and assured her again that the work was no problem. My question to you: is it appropriate to tell her how I spent the $50? I ended up buying a much-needed new bag for myself that I love and have gotten many compliments on. Would your answer be different if I had spent it on groceries and household needs?

I think it’s generally gracious to tell people if you bought yourself something specific with a monetary gift; it’s nice to hear that kind of thing, just like it’s nice to hear about how someone enjoyed the show you gave them tickets to or the foot massage you bought them or whatever. But if the gift went into your general funds, that doesn’t really apply; in that case, I’d keep the thank-you more vague.

For what it’s worth, I don’t love that a coworker basically gave you 50 bucks for work you did for her (as opposed to buying you coffee or a muffin or something else small and non-cash if she wanted to thank you with a gift). This is no criticism of you — and you likely would have made her uncomfortable if you’d turned it down — butI did want to note that in general coworkers should stay away from rewarding their colleagues with cash (unless they are your employer, in which case cash is generally the preferred gift).

4. Staffing company wants to charge the employer that wants to hire me

I got an agency job with a well-known agency. I was told it was temp to perm. After 13 weeks, the company asked for my CV and wanted to hire me as permanent. However, the agency said they won’t release me and are demanding some kind of fee. I told them that they are going to lose me my job, and their response was, “That’s ok, we will find you another one!” But I want to work for that company; it’s local and the pay will be good and I like the job.

When I confronted them about saying it was temp to perm, they told me that the person who told me that would not have said that, but she did. I always thought that after 13 weeks you were free to be employed by the company if they wanted to offer you a job, but this company wants a percentage of my wages (that the company has to pay to the agency for “finding me”).

That’s actually pretty standard when you go through a staffing agency; their contract with the employer typically requires a placement fee if they want to hire you permanently. That’s part of how staffing agencies make money, and it’s not really fair to expect them to waive their fee, since they provided a service for the company by placing you there. I totally get why you’re frustrated with it, but if you go through a staffing agency, this is part of the deal.

5. Recruiter asked if I knew anyone who was interested — in a job that I’d like

I got an interesting message from a recruiter on LinkedIn today and I was wondering if you could help me decipher it.

I got a message from a small but growing teapot company with an opening for a position with the same title as I have right now. The company is based in a city about 75 miles from where I am living right now and a city I hope to relocate to as my partner lives there. The email briefly introduced the position and then asked if I know anyone I could refer.

I am considering putting my name forward as a candidate. I’m confused, however, because the message asked if I knew anyone I could refer. Every other recruiter who’s contacted me on LinkedIn has directly said “we would like to talk to you about the position.” I have most of the skills they are looking for but have practiced those skills in a different software program (think Microsoft Word vs. Google Docs). Are they coyly asking me if I’m interested without directly trying to poach me or are they really looking to see if I know anybody (but they’re not interested in me specifically)? It seems like a simple request… but is it?

It’s actually not an uncommon way to word this kind of message — both because they genuinely want to know if you know of anyone who might be good for the position and because they figure that you’ll speak up if that person is you. I’ve also used that wording before myself when I’m specifically hoping the person will say “I’m interested!” but where I don’t want to seem like I’m attempting to poach them for political reasons (e.g., if I have a relationship with their current employer and don’t want to cause tension there by directly going after one of their employees).

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what’s a good application/interview rate?

by Alison Green on September 22, 2015

A reader writes:

I am a recent graduate putting out dozens of resumes and applications with tailored cover letters. I was wondering what seems to be the ratio of applications sent out to interview ratio for applicants. I want to get a better idea of how many call backs I should be expecting and when to know if I am above or below the curve so I can take a closer look at my process.

There’s no one answer here. It depends heavily on your field, your location, and your experience level. It also depends on how you approach the decision to apply for something; some people are very cautious and only apply to things they’re very sure they’re well qualified and others take a broader approach.

It’s easier to say what response rate might indicate a problem. I’d say that if you’re getting fewer than one interview request (including phone interviews) per 10 applications, it’s time to take a look at your resume and cover letter, as well as at how strongly qualified you really are for the jobs you’re applying for.

But also, I’d pay a lot of attention to the employers who you’re hearing from. Even if there aren’t many, if they’re jobs that seem like strong fits and you’re getting past the initial screening stages, then your application materials are doing something right. After all, in the end, you only need one.

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how to become a thought leader in your field

by Alison Green on September 22, 2015

Becoming a thought leader in your field – someone whose ideas influence others – comes with huge professional benefits, both in and outside your company. Being seen as a thought leader will increase your visibility and standing with the people with the most influence in your company and your field, increase your authority and credibility, and position you and your team to get more resources and attention. It will also increase your access to other thought leaders, which can improve your team’s work.

Becoming a thought leader in your field might seem like something that takes decades – but with effort in the right places, it doesn’t need to. It won’t happen overnight, of course, but here are four steps that will get you moving down that path.

1. Find where other thought leaders and influential people in your field hang out – websites, LinkedIn groups, conferences, professional associations – and spend time there yourself. Read what people there are reading (blogs, journals, whatever it might be) and pay attention to the issues and ideas that they’re talking about. Then, start talking with them! Share your own ideas, react to theirs, ask questions, and generally become a reliable presence there.

2. Create a solid online presence. It used to be that becoming known as a thought leader required things like speaking engagements and appearing on TV. Those things still help, but these days you also use the Internet to build your reputation. You can provide value on social media by sharing relevant articles on LinkedIn and Twitter, responding to other people’s queries, and throwing out questions for discussion. And if you find you like those things enough, you can even start your own blog to share your thoughts on and analysis of trends and issues in your field. (Or if this is too much of a time commitment, try guest blogging on someone else’s site.)

3. Reach out to the people you find most interesting. Tell them what you like about their work, and show them what you’ve been creating yourself. Especially if you’re blogging, getting your work in front of other influencers can be key in spreading it more widely. But this isn’t just about finding avenues of promoting your work; these are people with whom you can kick around ideas, talk to about what’s on their minds, and learn from how they manage their own presence in your field.

4. Be extremely helpful to other people. If you hear someone talking about a problem they’re having trouble solving and you have thoughts on it, offer to share your thoughts (or even just be a sounding board). If you find a solution that works well for a problem your team is facing and you think it could be helpful to others, reach out and tell them about it. Make yourself available to answer questions and serve as a resource. Do enough of this, and you’ll develop a reputation as a knowledge, helpful person who people start referring others to.

5. Don’t feel you have to know everything. You don’t need to try to position yourself as an expert if you aren’t one (and trying to do that risks harming your credibility). Simply presenting yourself as a smart, thoughtful person with a passion for discussing issues in your field is all you need, especially when you’re starting out on this endeavor. People will actually respect you more for being clear about what you know and what you don’t know.

Originally published at Intuit Quickbase.

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my low-travel job wants me to travel more — but boarding my dogs would be expensive

by Alison Green on September 22, 2015

A reader writes:

Here are the background facts before I ask my question:

* I am a professional in a large company.
* My position doesn’t require travel on a regular basis (though I expect any professional position to require travel occasionally – perhaps a few days a year – whether it’s attending conferences or visiting with clients).
* I have multiple dogs (they were with me before I worked here).
* My husband’s position is almost 100% travel and we have no family or friends nearby who can stay with our dogs while we’re out of town (or that our dogs could stay with).
* In the city where we’ve recently moved, it costs roughly $100/day to board our dogs.
* We don’t have a dog-walker/pet-sitter option.
* I completely understand that pet care is not expensable or deductible (I know there have been similar questions raised here about childcare).

I’m required to attend a conference and am boarding my dogs at a cost to me of about $300. No big deal, sometimes unexpected expenses come up. My boss recently asked me to also perform approximately 10-15 days of out of town work next month. I told him that I couldn’t because it’s a financial hardship for me to board my dogs for that amount of time (I acknowledged that this doesn’t sound like a legitimate reason to a lot of people, but that it is just the reality of my life and my financial situation).

He got a little…exasperated. He’s a very nice guy. He could have told me he didn’t care, that he needed me to do the work anyway, but he didn’t. I felt simultaneously guilty for not being able to do the work and frustrated that he seemed to think that my reason wasn’t valid.

It looks like more and more of these extended travel assignments are going to come up, so I want to know what to do. I want to clarify that I am not asking this question to be snarky, but am legitimately wondering: Am I expected (either by most companies or just by professional standards) to rack up thousands of dollars of credit card debt to pay for dog boarding for a job that didn’t explicitly require extensive travel when I was hired?

You’re right that something unexpected comes up, and generally you’re expected to roll with it — when it’s occasional. And yeah, in those cases you can end up incurring extra costs for child care or pet care.

But 10-15 days travel in a single month is a lot in a job that doesn’t normally require travel. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still roll with it — it’s hard to know without knowing more about what the job is and what the travel is for. It’s possible that most people in your field would expect you to suck it up and do it. It’s also possible that your boss sees this travel as a nice-to-have rather than a must-have, and that if you say it’s just not doable for you, he’ll be able to live with that.

I don’t know which of those contexts you’re in, unfortunately. But there certainly are plenty where it would be reasonable to say, “I’m sorry, I’m not in a position where I can be gone that much time. I have family responsibilities outside work that I can make arrangements for when it’s occasional and short-term, but this is more travel than I can accommodate.” (You could also add, “My husband travels regularly for work, and we’re not in a situation where we can be both be away that much. I specifically looked for a job without regular travel for that reason.”)

As part of that conversation, though, you should also talk more broadly about whether the travel expectations of the job are changing. If the role is evolving into one that does require regular travel, you want to find that out now and have an honest conversation (first with yourself and then with your boss) about whether the job is still right for you.

But in some cases, even when your boss would like you to travel more, you can say “hey, I just can’t do this” and they’ll work around you, especially if you’re highly valued. In other cases, they won’t — so I’d have a conversation about how much flexibility there is on this.

On the dog care question specifically: Yeah, it’s an annoying thing that some employers don’t take this kind of thing as seriously as they’d take it if you explained that you didn’t have child care for a week or two or three away. For that reason, I’d probably frame it more broadly — less specifically about your dogs and more about “family/household commitments that prevent me from doing that much travel.”

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my company is sticking us with part of the hotel cost on business trips, workload while boss is on maternity leave, and more

by Alison Green on September 22, 2015

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My company is sticking us with part of the hotel cost on business trips

My company wants to put a cap on how much employees can spend on hotel rooms during business-related travel. For example, if an employee books a hotel room for $250, they will have to pay the extra $50. Is this something they can do?

(Part of the reason hotel rooms are booked at higher prices is because there are layers of approval that have to happen before trips can happen, and by the time approval comes through, the time for cheaper rates has passed.)

What do you make of all this?

They can do that*, but they shouldn’t. But I wonder if they really realize what the impact of the new policy will be and that their cap won’t cover the cost of a reasonable hotel room under the conditions they give you — such as last-minute travel, delays on their end that cause higher prices, or expensive cities. A reasonable company would be receptive to you pointing that out and would agree that it’s not reasonable to ask employees to bear normal business travel costs — but you might need to  provide evidence to illustrate the problem (such as a print-out of prices for hotels in cities you travel to). They may not realize that their delay is causing an issue, so you should point that part of it out too.

* California is an exception; they do require that employers reimburse employees for all business expenses. But most states don’t have similar laws.

2. My workload will plummet while my boss is on maternity leave

I am an administrative assistant and support a very busy professional, Barbie. Barbie just informed me that she is pregnant and is due in late spring 2016. She explained that she is not yet ready to formally announce the pregnancy but had informed me so that we can make the necessary adjustments to her calendar (i.e. block of time for ultrasounds, not booking conferences/events next spring, etc.). I congratulated her and agreed not to mention this to anyone else.

During our discussion, she also alluded to her plans post-delivery. As we are in Canada, she is entitled to one year off, but due to the busy nature of her job she doesn’t think this is feasible (there is already a one-year wait for clients to get an appointment) and mentioned that she plans to take four or five months off with the baby and then plans to return to work on a part-time basis thereafter for several months, likely one day per week. I asked about the possibility of hiring a temporary replacement for her but, that is unlikely to happen as her position is very specialized and there is only a handful of people with similar training within a 150-kilometer radius and they are all currently employed.

I am quite concerned about what this means for me and my position. I am currently employed full-time but realize that while she is off, realistically, there will only be enough work to keep me busy 1-2 days per week at most. I really enjoy my job, get paid well, have full benefits, generous PTO, and a pension plan. Considering this, I do not want to quit and find a new job; however, I cannot afford to work part-time for six months or longer.

I have considered speaking with HR to see if there are any options available including getting prorated Unemployment for that time period but feel like I am violating Barbie’s trust by discussing this with someone else (who I know is not aware that she is pregnant yet). Can you please suggest the best possible way to broach this with Barbie to find out exactly what the plan for me will be once she is off? I do not want to seem like I only care about what her leave will mean for me when I realize she probably has a lot on her mind already, but I am concerned.

It’s perfectly reasonable for you to be thinking about what this will mean for you; it’s not selfish or self-absorbed or anything like that. Go back to Barbie and say this: “I’ve been thinking about what my work will look like while you’re on maternity leave, and realize that the amount of work for me to do will change significantly during that time. I’d like to talk with HR about what the options might be for me during that time, including possibly getting unemployment if they don’t think there will be work for me, but obviously I can’t do that without sharing your news. Would it be okay for me to talk with them in confidence, so that I can start getting a better idea of what my own plans will look like?”

(And actually, this is a smart thing to raise with her before talking to HR, pregnancy privacy issues aside. She may have thoughts on how to keep you occupied in your current role during that time, so it makes sense to bring it up with her first.)

Read an update to this letter here.

3. How to negotiate a start date while closing on a new house

My husband and I are about a month away from closing on our first home, and we are very excited! A few days ago, a former professor of mine forwarded a job opening at a well-known local university that she thought would be a great fit for me. This position would have far more benefits than my current position, would make better use of my full skill set, and even if paid at their stated midpoint it would be $10,000 a year more than what I am currently making. Beyond those obvious enticements, I just haven’t felt like the management style here was a good fit and, though I had planned to wait until the end of the year, I had been strongly considering making a change. I happen to have a good friend who has colleagues in the department to which I’ve applied, and he has personally referred me as well.

Obviously there is no guarantee I will even get an invitation to interview, but to cover all of my bases I consulted my bank representative to see what the consequences could be if I changed jobs before closing on the mortgage. It would bring the process to a screeching halt until things got sorted out, and there’s no telling how long that would take. Though I assume based on your previous advice that I would only bring this up if I were to receive an offer, what is the most gracious and tactful way to negotiate putting off giving notice at my current job until we have closed on our mortgage?

If you’re closing in a month, I wouldn’t even worry about this. It’s highly, highly unlikely that they’re going to be at the offer stage four weeks after you apply, especially in academia, which is notorious for moving slowly and having regimented periods for each stage of their process. But if somehow it does turn out that you get an offer before your closing, it would be perfectly reasonable to explain that you need a couple of extra weeks. (And really, it’s likely that you wouldn’t need more than an additional week, if you calendar this all out. It’s not going to be a big deal if it comes up, which it almost certainly won’t.)

4. After making me a job offer, employer hasn’t gotten back to me to finalize salary and start date

I received a physical copy of my job offer three weeks ago. The next day, I emailed with several questions and my counter negotiation for salary. I received a thorough email the following day (a Friday) answering almost all of my questions but without finalizing the salary or the start date. I emailed back that day that this still sounded great and I’d be available to talk at x times to finalize salary and starting date. When I hadn’t heard back five days later (Wednesday), I emailed, again expressing my interest in the company, noting that I understand they are busy, and listing times I was available to talk. Two days after that, I received an email saying we could talk in four or five days (Tuesday or Wednesday). When I still hadn’t heard two or three days after that, I called that Friday – and the hiring manager said she was busy but would call me back in an hour. Unfortunately, she didn’t. It’s now 22 days after I received the initial offer, and I still haven’t heard anything. Am I being led on? Or is it possible that they really can’t just squeeze me into their busy schedule?

I know you’ve written not to check in too aggressively (which I hope I haven’t done already), but at the interview, the person I’d be working directly under (who is at a lower organizational level that the woman I’ve been emailing back and forth) gave me his business card. Should I call him, at least to find out if I need to be pursuing other options at this point? (I know you’ve also written that we shouldn’t stop applying, but since I had the physical job offer in hand, I thought it would be okay to stop, which I can see now was stupid.)

Well, it’s possible that you’re being led on (or rather, that they’ve moved on for some reason and are too rude to tell you). But it’s also possible that this just isn’t a high priority for the person managing this (especially since the position isn’t directly under her). I would try one more time to reach her — call her rather than emailing (since emailing hasn’t been successful thus far), and say that you’re “eager to iron out final details and set a start date.”

But if you don’t hear back, I’d assume that for some reason the offer is gone, at least for now. You can’t make them get in touch, and right now they’re not. It doesn’t mean that they won’t in the future, but it does mean that you can’t count on them, so you have to proceed as if the offer isn’t there.

I wouldn’t call the person who works under her; it risk it looking like you’re trying to move it out of her hands. And really, you don’t need him to tell you if you should be pursuing other options — you should be, simply because you don’t have a finalized, agreed-to offer yet. It may or may not come through, but right now you don’t have it, and that means you have to proceed as if you won’t.

5. Rejected for a job, then the hiring manager agreed to meet me for coffee

Recently, I was passed up for my dream job with a nonprofit. I made it to the final round (peer interview), after which the manager called me and mentioned that they were going to re-post the position because there’s concern that I’m not a fit for a fast-paced work environment. Recalling that specific interview, I focused too much on getting along with others, not so much on my skill set. I currently work in a fast-paced HR environment and thrive on it. Is this a lost cause? Should I give up completely on this job? I was so dumbfounded that I hardly said anything on the phone call with her.

Here’s the catch too: I emailed her a follow-up asking if she’d have time to grab coffee and discuss her experience switching industries while working in the HR field. She agreed, suggested we meet for coffee and I responded with some days/times that would work a few days back. She hasn’t gotten back to me yet. Is it correct to assume that should we get together this meeting needs to stay away from the job I missed out on completely?

Yes — she didn’t agree to a meeting to discuss the job; she agreed to discuss something very different, and it would feel like an bait and switch if you tried to sneak that in. Of course, if she brings it up herself, you can let the conversation develop organically, but you shouldn’t steer the conversation there yourself or you’re likely to look like your interest in her experience switching industries was just a cover story.

As for whether you have to give up on the job entirely, well … I do think you could have tried to make your case after that phone call telling you their concerns. But I think it’ll be hard to do it now that you have this coffee scheduled, because you’ve sort of moved the relationship to “post rejection” mode. I suppose you could try emailing her laying out the case for your candidacy after the coffee, but there’s a pretty high risk that it’ll make it look like your coffee invite was always a ruse. (That said, you could argue that you might as well take the risk since you don’t have a ton to lose at this point.)

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I’m a graphic designer with a non-designer coworker who keeps trying to do my job

by Alison Green on September 21, 2015

A reader writes:

I am an in-house graphic designer for a relatively small (30+ employees) nonprofit, and I care a lot about what I do. I realize sometimes I need to rein it in, but….

THE ISSUE
The issue I have is a non-designer coworker who has Adobe Creative Suite trying to do graphic design. Since the other graphic designer and I are always busy, she thinks she is doing us a favor by going rogue. 90% of the time we don’t even know she had a project or designed something until we see it in print somewhere. The supervisors (hers and mine) have made little comments that let me know they prefer the designs to be done by me and my designer coworker, but they still have not addressed the issue or don’t see it as worth addressing.

THE INCIDENT
I’ve tried to just let it go, despite her work being unpolished, not-sticking-to-the-brand, etc., but recently she asked me to create a flyer for a certain program we offer. I asked for a deadline and she said four months. I told her I would definitely get to it before then but in the meantime I had already designed a brochure for the same program, and, would that work? She said yes, that would work. A day later, she emails me to ask if I could just send her my InDesign files so she can create a flyer herself….as in, oh, anyone can click a few buttons and create a flyer…forget your four-year degree! (I know that she did not mean it to sound this way at all, but I am tired of people thinking that having Photoshop makes them a graphic designer! I don’t go around grabbing scalpels and offering to repair my coworker’s hernia or giving legal advice to my divorcing neighbor because I just read a divorce law book. Why can’t people show designers the same professional respect?) I thought maybe her supervisor had put pressure on her, but her supervisor is on vacation all this week.

I KNOW, I KNOW…BAD DESIGN IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD
I realize this is a hot button issue for me, and that’s why I’ve tried to just take a deep breath and let it go, but it’s not working. What do you suggest I do? I don’t want to come off as overly-sensitive or overly-protective of my files, but I mean, hey, so say I do give her the files and she creates the flyer. If it’s like all her other “design work,” it’s going to look like a third-grader did it in Microsoft Word and it’s not going to reflect our organizations brand or high standards. Worse, someone might think I did it!

I’m feeling undervalued and under-appreciated, and bitchy/crazy/guilty for feeling that way.

ATTEMPTED TO ADDRESS WITH BOSS
I even tried to explain the situation to my boss, which I hated to do, since he is typically a solve-it-yourself-only-come-to-me-in-dire-emergencies type of boss, a.k.a. let-the-situation-you-have-no-authority-to-fix-just-fester-then-come-to-me-when-it-blows-up. I explained the situation (leaving out the “everyone thinks they can design” part) and that I was only concerned that our organization was not being represented in the best light, that our brand was being diluted, etc., but while he seemed concerned, he didn’t seem to get it. I think he was thinking more along the lines of “how do I get my designer to relax and get a hobby.” Sigh.

Well, you are not alone. This is a super common thing that happens to designers.

Some professions are plagued by untrained people thinking “What’s the big deal — I could do that myself!” Design is one of them, possibly the biggest one.

Here are a few suggestions, from my perspective as someone who has managed designers but isn’t one myself:

1. Figure out how to articulate, in layman’s terms, exactly what the problem is when people design things themselves without going through you. I’m sure it’s completely obvious to you why that’s bad, but it’s clearly not obvious to them — so you need to develop language that explains it in terms they understand. You don’t want your stance to just be “I’m the professional designer and you’re stepping on my turf” — because if they think their work is just as good and you won’t be able to get them what they need fast enough, they’re not going to be convinced that they should wait. You need an argument that will resonate more.

2. Referencing the philosophy you’ve articulated in #1, create a style guide with branding guidelines that all pieces your organization releases should stick to for consistency (ideally with the blessing of your boss). Then, the next time your coworker says she’s going to create something herself, say, “Oh, we need all our pieces to follow our branding guidelines, so I should do it for you. I can have it to you by X.”

3. Recognize that sometimes it’s legitimate for someone to choose speed over perfect design. If you’re busy with other work and won’t be able to get to their project until next week and they need it sooner, it’s not always crazy for them to just put something together themselves. Yes, they will be making a trade-off on quality, but sometimes that’s actually a reasonable call, depending on the context. You will have more credibility if you show that you understand there are other factors in the mix.

4. Develop templates for the most common things people need. You might be able to mitigate some of the impact of #3 by providing templates for the most common types of pieces people need, along with do’s and don’ts for using them (like “do not have more than 200 words of text in this box”). That’s not perfect, I realize, but at least if they’re working from your template, the final product is likely to be better than if they start from scratch.

5. When you discover bad rogue pieces out there, address it. For example, if you discover your coworker created and used a flyer that you never saw and it’s bad, go to her manager (who has said in the past that she prefers stuff to go through you or the other designer and say this): “I just learned your department has been using this flyer that they designed themselves. It doesn’t have our branding (or our look, or whatever other issues you can point out with it), and I wonder if there’s a way to ensure we see this stuff before it’s used so that we can ensure it’s consistent with the rest of our materials.”

6. Accept that you’re not going to be able to control everything. You’re just not going to be able to. Unless someone higher up in your organization is willing to give you the authority to control all the visuals the organization puts out, there are going to be rogue pieces out there. You can only do so much here, until/unless someone with authority is willing to step in and make a different call.

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what’s your boss allowed to ask when you call in sick?

by Alison Green on September 21, 2015

You wake up feeling sick, and you call your boss to let her know that you’re taking a sick day. Most managers will simply tell you to feel better soon and let you get back to resting. But what if you have a manager who demands to know exactly what’s wrong with you and makes you feel like you need to prove you’re sick enough to justify the day off?

Most workers are unclear on what their employers have the right to ask when they call out sick. And many employers aren’t sure either!

In general, employers are allowed to ask for the details of your illness. “It’s reasonable for a manager to ask an employee what’s wrong. Otherwise, it would be a no-questions-asked sick leave policy, and that would quickly be abused,” says Bryan Cavanaugh, a St. Louis-based employment attorney. “Asking what is wrong requires the employee to give a brief and general explanation about why he or she is absent, e.g., the employee’s child is sick, the employee has a general illness or the employee has a major or minor injury.”

In general, when you call in sick, your manager can ask any follow-up questions she wishes. Of course, as a general best practice, managers should respect your privacy and stick to asking about when you expect to return to work, but the law does give nosy employers some leeway in most cases.

However, there’s a key exception to this: if the reason for your absence is a medical condition that’s protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act. The ADA offers protections to employees with physical or mental impairments that substantially limit one or more major life activities, such as seeing, hearing, speaking, walking or breathing. A person with, for example, epilepsy, HIV or a substantial hearing or visual impairment would generally be covered, but someone with a minor condition of short duration – such as a cold, the flu or a sprained ankle – generally wouldn’t be covered.

“The ADA does allow an employer to make inquiries into the ability of an employee to perform job-related functions,” Cavanaugh says. “Therefore, the manager can and should still ask the employee with a probable ADA situation when he or she expects to return to work.” However, the ADA states that your employer is not allowed to push you for information beyond questions that are “job-related and consistent with business necessity.” So if, for example, you explain that you’re calling in sick because you need dialysis treatment or need to check into a mental health facility (both things likely covered by the ADA), your employer can ask when you expect to return to work but shouldn’t question you beyond that.

Can your employer require you to produce a doctor’s note verifying your illness?

Employers can indeed require doctors’ notes when you use sick leave. However, they should not require the note to include a diagnosis or other private medical information; rather, the note should simply state that you were seen by a medical office and/or confirm your need to use sick leave.

That said, just because the law allows employers to require doctors’ notes doesn’t mean they should do that. Minor illnesses, such as colds and the flu, don’t generally require a doctor’s care, and requiring a doctor’s note in order to use sick time discourages employees from staying home when they’re ill. That’s an unfair burden on truly sick employees, who will have to drag themselves to a doctor when a few days of resting in bed will cure them. This tactic also drives up health care costs by pushing people to the doctor when they only need home care. It also signals to your employees that you don’t trust them enough to treat them like adults.

So, what should you say to your boss when you’re taking a sick day?

Ultimately, it’s useful to consider why your boss is asking what’s going on. Most bosses ask this question for non-troubling reasons: They’re concerned about you and want to make sure you’re OK (or think it’s polite to at least sound concerned), and/or they need to know how long you’re likely to be out, so they can plan for your absence.

Generally, it makes sense to simply explain the nature of your illness. If your boss pushes for details that you’re not comfortable sharing, it’s OK to say something like: “I’d rather not get into the details, but I should be back in tomorrow.”

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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