Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss keeps asking how much I paid for things

My boss is very friendly with all of us who work under her. Boundaries don’t really get crossed — none of us socialize with her — but we have “water cooler” chit-chats about personal things, like our apartment buildings, travels, shopping, movies, lunch.

She has started this habit of asking me what I paid for, well, just about everything. How much was that salad, how much did your condo cost, how much were those new shoes, what does your dentist charge you for a filling. It really drives me bananas. She stands and waits until I answer something, and she can tell I’m uncomfortable with the question, but that doesn’t stop her. She is just terribly nosy, and very thrifty, too. She frequently tells me I was crazy to spend as much as I spent for the shoes, salad, etc. Any advice?

That’s obnoxious. If you want to decline to answer altogether, you could go with, “Oh, I don’t like talking about money,” followed by a quick subject change. If she returns to the topic and presses you, you could say, “I’m really not comfortable talking about money. Sorry!” Say it cheerfully and then immediately move the conversation along to something else.

2. How to tell a freelancer not to stop by in person

I work at a busy, crowded, no-privacy-ever community newspaper. We sit at desks in one room and there is no time or space for outside visitors. When visitors do drop by, the whole office overhears everything they say and it’s awkward and uncomfortable, as well as distracting. So visitors aren’t encouraged to drop by, and we do just fine interacting by emails and phone with our stringers and freelancers. But one of them keeps bugging me and a coworker about dropping by when he’s in the neighborhood and doesn’t take the hint that we don’t want him to. Sometimes we say I’m off to a meeting, swamped with deadlines, on vacation (all true), and yet he still doesn’t get it. He continues to suggest another time. I wish I could say sorry, but our office is just not conducive to visits, even quickies. Any advice?

Are you me? I would totally want to head off those meetings too.

Anyway, I think you need to stop hinting and come out and tell him that you’re not available to meet. It’s perfectly reasonable to say, “It’s tough for me to set up face-to-face meetings; my schedule is usually packed and our space doesn’t accommodate visitors well. Was there something in particular you wanted to discuss, and would phone or email work instead?”

That said, it might be worth trying to get a better sense of where he’s coming from. Does he feel a strong need for more of a personal connection with people he works with? Want to pitch you on more work? Raise some issue he feels more comfortable raising face-to-face? Believe he’ll get more work from you if you know each other better? You’re not obligated to accommodate any of these with a freelancer, especially if your current system is working just fine with everyone else, but if he’s great at what he does, it could be worth putting in the time for a 15-minute coffee, depending on your sense of what he’s looking for.

3. My boss praises my work but won’t give me projects to lead

I’m hoping you could offer some insight into my manager’s thinking. On one hand, I know that I’m a valued employee based on the fact I always get the highest annual raise in my group plus a bonus every year. My manager has told me on many occasions that I’m the most reliable employee they have.

On the other hand, the last two years it seems every time we have a new project, it always goes to another coworker. I’ve mentioned every time we have a one-on-one that I would like an opportunity to lead from the start. I’ve had to clean up too many times when a project goes off the rails. At this point, if I had not been receiving the compensation that I have, I would think that they were trying to force me out.

I hope for some enlightenment on this. My perception is that even though I’m recognized for my skills through compensation, it seems that the only people getting opportunities are the ones who those who complain or threaten to quit. I’m not that type of person and have no desire to become that way. I’m starting to think about leaving, but would first like to find a way to stay without threats.

Why not ask your manager directly? I’d say this: “As you know, I’m very interested in leading a new project the next time one comes up. But since we’ve talked about this many times and it hasn’t happened, I’m wondering if you can give me feedback on what I can do to make that happen. Do you have concerns about my performance or other things I could address to make you comfortable giving me a project to lead?” If your boss assures you that she doesn’t have any concerns about you, then say, “Could we plan, then, on making sure I have the opportunity to lead something in the next month or so (or insert whatever timeline is reasonable here)?”

If it continues not to happen after that, your choices would be to (a) go back and ask more directly what you’re missing about the situation, or (b) accept that for whatever mysterious reason, your boss isn’t going to give you projects to lead — and decide if you want to stay, knowing that.

4. Applying for jobs when I’m not available for six months

How do I job search when I am six months out from my current contract ending?

Recently I submitted my resume to an awesome company in my area, I was curious if I would get a call back and I wanted to know about their management style and pay. To my delight, I received an interview invitation and went to the interview … and then they asked in the interview when I would be available to start.

I expected to be asked this in a follow-up interview and was prepared to email/call between the two interviews to say, “Thank you for meeting with me and the time you spent interviewing, I love what your company does and when I saw this posting I couldn’t resist applying for it because this sounds like a really awesome opportunity. While I would love work with you at a later date, it is not the right time for me to leave my current position. I am not sure if I was in the running for this position, but I hope you understand. I hope we will have the opportunity to work together in the future. Could I keep in touch with you regarding future openings at your company?”

I feel awkward because it looks like I just wasted their time, which leaves a bad taste rather than building rapport with this company. This experience has me stalling to approach other organizations. There’s got to be a better way to do it?

Yeah, definitely don’t use that plan. They’ll be annoyed that you wasted their time, and rightly so. “I couldn’t resist applying for this job even though I can’t actually start for six months” is not the sort of thing you want to spring on an employer after they’ve already invested time in interviewing you.

The time to raise your availability is when they first contact you to schedule an interview. At that point you say, “I’m really excited about talking to you, but I want to be up-front that I’m not available to start until March. I realize that might be too far out for you, but I’d love to talk with you if it’s not.”

That said, I would also wait a little while longer before you start applying for jobs, because right now for the majority of employers, you’re just not available when they’re likely to need you — and you risk not coming across well for not realizing that. (There are some fields that do hire this far in advance, but they’re in the minority and you’d likely know if you were in one of them.)

5. Update: I’m interviewing for a job where I’d work at a small table in my boss’s office

Remember the letter-writer who was interviewing for a job where she’d temporarily be working from a small table in her boss’s office? Here’s the update.

So, I wanted to give you an update (I really love reading updates!)

I went for a second interview, and asked a lot of questions. The good news is…I got a lot of good answers!

The table thing…totally temporary. She showed me all around the showroom/office, and where my PERMANENT home would be (a regular work area.)

Plus there was a lot of discussion about the company’s finances and stability, personalities, where this position may be in a few years, and more. Overall, I felt much better at the end of the discussion, and the bottom line…I start my new job on October 1.

I so appreciated your input, and your readers’ comments. I know a lot of you saw red flags flying in my original post, and I understand that. Still could go south, though of course that’s a possibility a person faces with every job. For now, I am going to enjoy learning new things…and my short commute!

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I read my work out loud, and it’s annoying a coworker

I recently started a job in a place where there’s like 50 cubicles. I have the bad habit of reading my work out loud/whispering/whatever you want to call it. My coworker asked me to stop because she can’t concentrate, but there are other people talking around us. It seems like my whispering is bothering her more than other people around us talking. I don’t get it. How do I stop?

Yeah, there’s something about whispering and one-sided conversations that’s more distracting than other background noise, for some reason. (It’s the same reason why someone on a cell phone is often more distracting than two people talking to each other.) I think it’s reasonable of her to alert you that it’s bothering her and ask if you can control it.

As for how, I think all you can really do is be especially vigilant about it and try to be really conscious of what you’re doing for a couple of weeks, which hopefully will be enough time to break the habit. Meanwhile, let her know that you’re trying but it’s sometimes unconscious — but that you’re going to make an effort to rein it in.

(For anyone wondering why the letter-writer should have to change, instead of the coworker finding a way to block it out, it’s because generally the default operating principle with two clashing interests like this favors the person who wants to be able to focus over the person who wants to do something out of the norm that might be disruptive.)

2. Telling my manager about a major mistake made by my predecessor

I work for a public agency in a role serving members of the public who have a stake in the agency decisions. Those stakeholders have the right to timely advance notification of decisions; that is set out in statute. I’ve been at the job about six weeks and so far I love it. The person who held this job before me retired last spring after working here for 26 years, but has kept working part-time while the position was filled and has continued to work training me and getting things wrapped up.

This colleague is an institution and very highly regarded within the office and by other partner agencies. However, for whatever reason, after starting, I discovered a huge backlog of stakeholders who had requested notification but had not even been entered into our database. I’ve seen requests dating as far back as 2006. I have no idea why these requests were not processed, but have almost caught up entering them.

My concern is the potential liability the agency has been exposed to. Basically, these unprocessed requests mean that stakeholders entitled to input on the process were not contacted or notified before decisions were made, even though they had done their due diligence. I think my supervisor has some idea of the backlog, but no idea of the scale. How do I broach this subject with her without seeming to badmouth the colleague who I replaced? I wouldn’t say anything and just focus on fixing the backlog if it wasn’t for the risk of future lawsuits, so I feel like I need to give my supervisor a heads-up.

Just be direct and factual: “I want to let you know that I’ve found a backlog of about X (number) of stakeholders who had requested notification but hadn’t been entered into our database, going back to 2006. I’ve been working to get these people all entered and am almost done, but I wanted to give you a heads-up in case it ever comes up down the road.”

Say this with a tone of “I’m just reporting facts to you” — no look of horror or scandalization on your face, just very matter-of-fact. She’ll be able to draw her own conclusions from there.

3. Should I take an admin job to get my foot in the door at a company I want to work for?

I have a question for you about a piece of advice that I seem to be told often. I work in public relations and marketing (entry-level) but have administrative/reception experience and am looking to switch jobs. I want to stay in the PR/marketing field but am told that if there’s a company I want to work at that isn’t hiring for positions in my field but in something else I’ve done (like administrative work), I should apply for that job, then once I’m in the company I can move into my preferred department. I think this isn’t good advice.

I don’t like this advice because I feel that it’s not always easy to switch between departments at companies, particularly big companies, and people shouldn’t act like it’s so easy. Also, I feel like it looks confusing to employers when it’s obvious I want to work in PR but am applying for a job that doesn’t really have anything to do with it.

What do you think? Is this advice not worth considering or is this really good advice that I should be taking?

Yeah, it’s bad advice. First of all, most companies aren’t going to want you applying for another internal job until you’ve been in your current role a minimum of a year — and often more. Second, it makes no sense to leave your field — the very field you want to stay in — and take an admin job in the hopes that maybe, somehow, it might give you an in back to your field in time.

You’re already in your field; don’t move yourself out of it in some circuitous path you hope will lead back in.

4. Should I turn down a job offer out of bitterness?

I interviewed for a communications-related position (a position very well suited for me) over two weeks ago. I got the interview because one of my former colleagues works there, and he sent me a message out of the blue saying he was trying to get me an interview for it. The position was not advertised anywhere; it was more my former colleague trying to make them hire someone with good written skills to clean up their online content. As far as I know, they were only interviewing me for the position.

I had the interview in the last week of August. It went SO well! I really got along with the manager and he was even talking specifically about all the tasks I would do, introduced me to the team, and told me he would let me know by the end of the week. I sent the manager a personalized thank-you email after the interview. I didn’t hear from him that week. As he gave me a clear timeline, I thought it appropriate to send him a follow-up email requesting information about the timeline going forward. Again, no reply.

So I asked my former colleague who works there if it was ok to call him and he said, “Yeah, definitely call him. He probably just forgot!” (not a good sign). I did, and no answer. Today, my former colleague asked me if I had heard from him and I told him no, despite reaching out twice. He was very disappointed in his boss’ behavior, and said he would say something to him.

If I were to get the offer (which I highly doubt I will), would it be okay to reject it purely out of bitterness? I know the job hunting process can be exhausting, but because it wasn’t a generic interview process (it felt quite tailor-made to me) I feel like I at least deserve to know I wasn’t selected.

Although I really need another job due to financial reasons, I would be tempted to turn this company down because of the way I was treated post-interview. Do I have a right to feel so irritated and bitter? I feel like I would piss off my former colleague if I rejected the offer after all he did for me.

It’s certainly your prerogative to turn down a job offer because you don’t like how you were treated. That said, this kind of unresponsiveness post-interview is very, very common, and if you really need a job, you probably can’t write off everyone who operates this way, or you’d be closing yourself off to a huge portion of employers. (If you have plenty of options, then the calculation might be different.)

As for whether your feelings are justified by the situation, I’d say that it’s reasonable to be annoyed, but bitter feels stronger than warranted (and probably isn’t in your best interest, no matter how this plays out; it’s far better for your quality of life to know that this kind of thing, while rude, is really common and not personal).

5. Checking up on a payment from a freelance client

In spring, a nonprofit I’ve been involved with asked me if I could help them with some projects. I love this organization and their mission, they’re in an industry I want to get into, and the work they asked me to help them with is in line with what I do for my day job. Since what they were asking was a bit beyond the scope of what I would consider a volunteer role, they offered/I asked to be paid. We agreed to $X for 6 months of work (March-August), then I said we could sit down, see how those 6 months went, and go from there. I said I would be flexible on the payment schedule and they offered to pay me a monthly retainer that actually would be a bit over $X for 6 months, which I agreed to. I outlined what they would get for those 6 months of work and everyone was happy.

In July, they said they were a bit tight financially at the moment, but could most likely pay me in September. Because I’m a bit of a pushover (I’m working on it; I was proud of myself that I asked to be paid for my work in the first place) and because I really do love working with this group, I said that’s fine. They said just keep doing what I’ve been doing for them and they were happy with my work.

It just occurred to me that when they said they’d pay me in September, I assumed they meant the balance of what they owed me for July and August, plus now the retainer for September, but that was never clarified.

I know the obvious answer is to just ask, and ask ASAP, but how? I mostly interact with this organization via email and electronic communication, though I just asked the head (the one who brought me on board and the one who told me about the financial issues in July) if we could meet to talk about projects for fall. Do I bring this up with her then (when they told me in July, it was at a meeting I set up to talk about summer projects and I was caught a bit off-guard, which is also partly why I just said “ok”)? Do I give her a heads-up by email that this was my understanding and I wanted to make sure it was mutual?

I’d send a quick email that just says something like this, “Hey Jane, I just wanted to verify that you’ll be paying me this month the balance of what you owe for July and August, plus September (totaling $X). Let me know if that’s not correct!”

Also, if this payment does go through without issue, great — but if it doesn’t, I’d take that as a sign that you’re likely to be chasing down your money from them throughout your work there. If that’s the case, you’d want to decide how much you’re really willing to do without getting paid, and I’d consider having a hard stop where you won’t continue to work after a certain point until they’re caught up on paying you.

I’m all for cutting a good client some slack, especially a charity, but they committed to paying you, and if their ability to do that becomes less certain, they need to do the right thing — which in part means not asking more work of you until a time that they’re able to pay you what they owe and confidently commit to paying you going forward as well.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Employee booked vacation for a date he’s required to work

I’m in my first management position, supervising exactly one employee, who is doing a great job. When we hired this person, I mentioned that there was one Saturday when he would be required to work (about a month out at that time), but apparently didn’t emphasize that enough because he appears to have booked travel that weekend. Maybe I should have checked in when he requested to take off the Friday before, but I just assumed he wanted to rest up!

I definitely did tell him about this date. I specifically mentioned the date in an email early on when he asked about weekend work. I double checked my email and it’s there. I can only assume he just forgot; when I asked, he said (with some sheepishness) the trip was to see a girl. We have a good relationship so I would think he’d tell me if it was, say, a sick family member, something urgent.

It’s imperative that he attend this conference, and I guess technically it’s his error, but I can’t help but feel kind of horrible for asking him to change his plans, especially if the tickets are non-refundable. Is there a graceful way to handle this? Like I said, in general he’s been doing very well and I’d like to avoid demoralizing him if at all possible.

If it’s truly imperative that he attend the conference, all you can really do is explain that, although you can certainly be sympathetic and apologetic that you can’t offer any flexibility. For example: “Bob, I’m so sorry about this, but it looks like you booked the date that I’d told you earlier was our mandatory conference. If I had flexibility here, I’d give it to you, but it really is imperative that you attend because of XYZ.” (And yes, you don’t technically have anything to apologize for, but it’s kind to note that you regret that you can’t help him out.)

I’d also forward him the email where you told him about that date earlier, saying something like, “Here’s the email exchange that we had about this date,” so that he’s not wondering if he was really told.

I don’t think you need to worry too much about this demoralizing him if he’s a good employee. A reasonable person in his shoes would recognize that it was his own mistake. (That said, explaining to him why there isn’t flexibility would be smart to do, so he doesn’t feel like you’re being unreasonably rigid.)

2. After seven interviews, I was told I might need to re-interview all over

I have been in a long interview process for an internal promotion opportunity. I had my seventh and final interview last week (four phone interviews and three in-person interviews that required me to take time off). I was called today by the director of the department, who informed me that he had accepted a new role at another company. He explained that since they would be restructuring his role, it might create ripple effects in this position in terms of who it would report to and what the vision of the new supervisor might be.

He explained I was his top candidate but that the department may require I completely re-interview once they figure out reporting structure and if this role will change at all. For right now, my candidacy is in limbo.

I took off three days of work so far for this role and don’t feel I can take much more time off, let alone another three days. Especially, since in theory, most of the people I would meet would be the same people. He also was unclear whether it would be a reopened process or if it was a continuation of the current process.

Is there anything, I should be doing at this point to seek clarification, or is it just a waiting game? If I am offered more interviews, how can I communicate the issue with taking time off? Or is this a tactful way of dismissing my candidacy?

All you can really do at this point is wait. He’s leaving, and it makes sense that the new director would want to make her own hiring decision and not hire someone she hasn’t interviewed yet. It also makes sense that they wouldn’t want to hire someone if there are open questions about the role. (Both of those things are actually good for you, even though they’re frustrating right now. You don’t want to work for someone you’ve never met, and you definitely don’t want to take a job that could end up changing soon in major ways.)

So I’d assume that if you’re eventually going to be offered this job, there’s at least one more interview you’ll have to do (the one with the new director). But it doesn’t make sense that you’d need to re-interview with people who have already talked to you. If they propose that, it’s reasonable to say something like, “I understand that you’re re-launching the process. Since I’ve already taken several days off work for three in-person interviews, is it possible to streamline the remaining steps? It would be great if I could do everything that remains in a single day.” From there, it’s up to them — and if they say no, you’ll have to decide how much you want to keep pursuing the job. But it’s a reasonable thing to ask about.

3. I’m pissed off about having to return my employer’s tuition reimbursement

I work for a company that offers $5,000 in tuition reimbursement annually (courses, classes, and workshops must be pre-approved and you are reimbursed when you complete the course). Employees have to be full-time and have been with the company for six months in order to use it, though very few people do. It does say that if you leave the company within less than a year since your reimbursement, you may be required to return the money.

I’ve taken advantage of this perk to the tune of about $3,000. Recently a coworker in the same role as me gave his two weeks notice and the company is now going after his tuition reimbursement. While I assume it’s a case-by-case basis and we do agree to the fine print when we use it, I think this is a horrible business practices. I don’t plan on staying here for a full year and am now worried that I’ll be out the money when I move on.

While I understand that it’s a investment for the company and an attempt to breed loyalty, I think it’s horrible to encourage employees to pursue continuing education and then penalize them if they choose to take advantage of it and don’t stick around for a year. All of the senior people encourage us to use the resource and speak frequently about always learning outside the job. I generally like this place and if/when I move on it would only be to move up faster; I would consider returning here but not if I’m asked to fork out money from a benefit that I used to better myself and make me better at my job (it’s an ad agency, this kind of bouncing around is very common).

What are you thoughts? Is there something I could say when the time comes? It wouldn’t break my bank account to give the money back…I would just be really, really pissed off.

This is very, very, very normal. So normal, in fact, that I don’t know of employers who offer tuition reimbursement without having a clause like this. (I’m sure they exist, but it’s a very typical thing to require.) The reasoning, of course, is that they want to get some return on their investment after paying for your classes.

If you don’t like those terms, the thing to do is to not use their tuition reimbursement. It doesn’t make any sense to be pissed off about being held to the terms of a clearly stated contract that you signed and that you weren’t pressured into.

4. My friend and nanny wants me to lie to a landlord for her

I just hired a friend as a part-time nanny for my child, as I work from home. It has been a really great fit and she is wonderful with my daughter. However, I am now in my first employer conundrum. My nanny is apartment hunting and just informed me that she told a potential landlord that she works full-time for me (she is currently only working 16 hours/week), and has been working for me for over a year (she started two weeks ago). She has asked me to lie if the landlord calls to verify. What should I do? Obviously I am uncomfortable with lying, but the situation is more complicated, as she is my friend and such a great caregiver.

Ouch. She shouldn’t be putting you in this position, and she definitely shouldn’t have lied to the landlord before even checking to see if you’d back her up. Some people are willing to lie for friends in this situation, so I guess you’ve got to decide if you are — but it certainly wouldn’t be unreasonable to tell her you’re not comfortable doing that and that’s she’s essentially asking you to help her commit fraud. And either way, you could say to her, “I’m really not comfortable with this, and don’t want you to put me in a situation like this again.”

5. My manager read our coworker’s letter of resignation to the rest of us and mocked it

Our manager read a coworker’s letter of resignation aloud to about 8 to 10 coworkers, openly mocking it. The resigning employee was present and was obviously uncomfortable. I know this is highly inappropriate and unprofessional, but is there anything we, as the remaing employees, can do to make sure this does not happen to us, if we decided to resign?

First, your manager is an ass.

Second, you can probably avoid it happening to you by writing a short and concise resignation letter that says no more than “I’m writing to confirm my resignation from Teapots Inc. My final day will be October 1, 2015.” That has the added advantage of being all a resignation letter really needs to say anyway; it’s not supposed to contain your reasons for leaving or anything like that. It would be fairly hard to mock that kind of letter.