Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss keeps crying at work

My boss regularly cries at work – I’ve seen her cry about 10 times this year. The most recent time was today when my colleague quit as she has a promising opportunity. I find it really off-putting and am angry at the emotional burden she has put on my colleague, who now feels guilty about her choice. Is this a ridiculous thing to go to a regional manager about? I pity her but I think it has happened too frequently.

Yeah, it would be disconcerting to see your manager regularly crying. And crying because someone is leaving is taking a normal part of business way too personally.

If it’s truly interfering with your work, I could see discreetly mentioning it to someone above her — if you have a decent relationship with that person and they’re known to handle work issues reasonably and skillfully. But otherwise, I’d instead wait for a clearer opportunity to raise it — such as if you’re asked to give feedback for her evaluation, or if an opportunity develops organically in conversation with her. That might never happen, of course — but if you have decent rapport with her, I could imagine relationships and contexts where it would be reasonable to say, “Hey, when you’re so visibly upset about a work issue, it really rattles the team. It’s tough to work around strong emotions like that, especially from the person we’re looking to to steer the ship.” I can also imagine relationships and contexts where there would be no way to say that, of course, and if that’s the case, this might be part of the annoying package that comes with your manager.

2. Rude comment from manager

I told my manager that I was fat, and she was like, “Yeah, because you eat the crap food.” I was stunned. Please help.

Well, it wasn’t the kindest response, but … it’s sort of disingenuous to make “I’m fat” statements and not be okay with the person you’re talking with taking it face value. And yes, it’s common knowledge that when people say they’re fat, they’re looking for some variation of “no, you’re not,” but it’s hard to blame people who don’t feel like playing that game.

3. Reaching out to network with rejected job candidates

I was on the hiring committee to add a peer to our team—someone with the same job title as me. We met with three qualified applicants and hired one. It was a relatively close race, but they had differences in experience and the hiring manager (my boss) ultimately chose based on skills and fit. My company does send a polite rejection letter when the search is over and a candidate is hired. Everything about our process has been timely and respectful.

I thought that the other two candidates were very talented and qualified and, being in a specialized industry, it was great to meet new professional peers. I felt like I identified with them on a personal and professional level, more than I do with my current peer colleagues. Would it be strange to reach out to them (separately) for a networking meeting? They are both new to the area and looking for work. The specific town that they live in (and I work in) is not known for having these types of positions in quantity or quality. I have knowledge about the local job market and the employers out there, and I am also starting a job search. I also have perspective on how their resume and interview was perceived by our hiring committee. (I would personally find it incredibly helpful to get feedback on how I present myself in job search situations.)

How do I do this with tact, or is it not a good idea to reach out to them?

I think you can absolutely do this as long as you’re clear about what the purpose of the meeting is. You don’t want them to inadvertently think that you’re considering them for a different role at your company, or that the meeting will help them be considered there in the future. Just be clear about your goal — for example, “We clearly have a shared professional interest in X and Y, and I know you’re new to the area and looking for work. I’d be glad to get coffee with you and share what I know about the local market” or whatever.

One caveat: You mentioned possibly giving them feedback about how their candidacy was perceived by the hiring committee. Before you do that, clear it with the committee. You shouldn’t speak for your company on that without your company’s okay.

4. My manager showed me a job ad and encouraged me to apply for it

My manager recently showed me a current vacancy in the papers and encouraged me to apply if I want to. But I’ve only been employed in this organization for four months and I’m still undergoing training — not to mention, the economics department is short on staff and I’m the only economist. Is this a good or bad sign?

I don’t know! It could be that your manager is one of those people who’s always on the lookout for development opportunities for other people — although she should have thought about how an employee would take that kind of thing, especially a new employee. Or she could know something that you don’t — that your job is unstable in some way. But instead of speculating and worrying, why not just ask her? I’d say this: “I’ve been wondering about why you showed me that job opening the other day. I’m really happy in my current role and hope to stay here for a long time, but our conversation made me wonder if you have concerns about whether it’s the right fit.”

5. LinkedIn user hit on me

I accepted a LinkedIn invitation without researching the sender. He wrote that he saw my picture and is single — pretty much what you’d write on a singles site. Should I block him, reply to him that I’m married, ignore him? If this has happened to any of your readers, I’ll love to hear how they handled it.

Ick. Block him and don’t give it another thought. (And that reminds me of this.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Employee has mildly profane decal in the car she uses for work

I recently hired a new employee who is great — very engaging with customers, asks lots of good questions, and her personality clicks with the other team members. The position she was hired for requires the use of a personal vehicle to show homes to clients (clients follow in their own vehicle, not get in hers).

Her vehicle, as I noticed today in the parking lot, has a very large window decal on the back window with a profane statement. It reads “BAD ASS GIRLS DRIVE BAD ASS TOYS.” Not really offensive, just not exactly professional, in my opinion.

I personally don’t feel like use of profanity, in any way, around customers is professional, but I also don’t want to lose a good employee over something as trivial as a window sticker. How should I handle this?

I think this depends on your line of work and what kind of vibe your clients expect from you. If you have reason to think your clients expect a pretty conservative approach from you and it’ll put them off, just be straightforward about that. For example: “Jane, a lot of our clients expect us to take a pretty conservative approach to this work, and I think may be put off by even the pretty mild profanity in your window decal. Could you remove it on days when you’re showing homes to clients?”

But other clients might appreciate the show of personality, so this really comes down to your sense of your client base.

2. Getting coworkers to use their key fobs instead of having me buzz them in

I work as an admin/receptionist at a small firm. All colleagues are provided with fobs to get back in to our office. I also have a buzzer to let guests in. All too frequently, my colleagues rely on me to buzz them in to the office, despite having fobs (and there are two additional fobs kept on hooks near the door for folks who want to use them during the day). This annoys me so much! But then I remind myself “it’s my job.” But is there a way to nicely but effectively remind them to use their own fobs (or the extra ones hanging up)? It would save me the effort to buzz them in (sometimes I’m in a different part of the office and I hear them knocking, and I have to rush back to my desk to let them in)? It also just seems a little rude that they do this more times than not.

I’d say this: “If you can, will you take your fob with you when you go out? My work sometimes takes me away from my desk and it can be tough to need to rush back to buzz you in if I’m in the middle of something somewhere else.” Or, “I’m glad to buzz you in if you occasionally forget, but the buzzer is really for guests, but staff is supposed to use their fobs.” (Assuming that’s the case, of course. And if it is, they really may not realize that, so it’s worth pointing out.

3. Keeping a new employee engaged during a slow period

I’m an internal researcher at a university, and when I started my position about 3 years ago things got off to a slow start. It took a while for projects I was involved in to get off the ground, to get to know people, and to get invited to meetings. I’d say it took a good 6-8 months to become integrated, and during that time I wondered often about why everyone else seemed so busy. Fast forward to present day and I am now the person who is rushing around busy all the time…my workload became so heavy that leadership decided to promote me to being a manager and hire a person to work under me. This has been quite a daunting transition for me, as I am not used to thinking about how to occupy someone else’s time (only my own!).

The person I hired is hard-working, super smart, and eager to prove herself. Unfortunately, she is now going through the “slow” period that I went through since her projects are just taking off, and she doesn’t yet have strong relationships with our internal stakeholders (many of whom are currently on vacation). I created a project task list for her that she completed much faster than I expected. In addition, August is always the slowest time of the year because all the students are away from campus. Many people end up taking time off in August as a result.

I am feeling nervous about not being able to sufficiently occupy her time in a productive way during these two weeks or in any future “slow” periods that may occur. My experience is telling me that I shouldn’t assign her additional projects because the workload will become unmanageable in just a month’s time. But I don’t want her to get bored. Should I encourage her to spend this (rare) downtime developing some professional development skills? Are there other approaches you would suggest or advice you would give to me about how to create a steady workflow?

If there are more short-term projects that genuinely need to be done, or if you can give her a list of longer-term projects that aren’t time-sensitive (so that she can work on them when she has downtime and put them aside without worry when things pick back up), do that. Also, to the extent possible, give her a bunch at once, rather than doling them out piecemeal; the latter can be frustrating, especially for fast workers.

But also, explain to her what you said here. Explain the ebb and flow of the work, and what she can expect right now and that it will change in a few weeks, so that she understands the full context. If she doesn’t have that context, she could start feeling bored and worried that the job won’t keep her engaged. But if she understands what you explained here, she’ll almost certainly be fine with it, especially if you give her the go-ahead to work on developing specific skills or do other stuff that interests her.

4. Employee keeps complaining about her problems to customers

I have an employee who tells customers every day about her problems. Whether it be work-related issues or at home fights with her boyfriend, she tells customers every day. Some customers are repeat as we have a catering food truck. I have been getting complaints from people who don’t want to hear her problems. How can I tell her to stop?

Be direct: “Jane, I’d like you to stop telling customers about work or personal problems you’re having. I want to keep things positive and upbeat for our customers. Can you do that?”

5. I’m nervous about my legacy going down the tubes because my soon-to-be-former boss is mishandling my transition

I recently gave notice at my job of six years. I start at a new, exciting job in a few weeks. My boss at my current job has been here less than a year. He’s supposed to be sitting with me and learning all my job duties before my last day. But he has barely spent 15 minutes a day with me on only 3 days. He does not know nearly everything, and I’m feeling nervous about my legacy after six years going down the tube. I care for and really respect my other coworkers, and I also worry that the slack will fall on them when boss can’t do my job. I did circumspectly let my coworkers know about the amount of time that boss was spending with me, just so they weren’t surprised when they were asked to do the work. I don’t want them to think I didn’t try.

But then yesterday I came back from lunch at the appointed time and my boss’ door was closed. I unintentionally overheard him on the phone. The walls are not very thick. And he was definitely taking a phone interview with another company and setting up a time for an in-person interview. What do I do? Should I warn my coworkers before I leave?

Also, HR is not really an option because boss and HR are on very friendly terms and spend a lot of time together. I would not be surprised to know that HR already knows about his plans but has not shared them with anyone.

Write this one off to just not your business. I totally get the sickening feeling that your legacy will go down the tubes because of someone else’s incompetence, but the reality is that there’s nothing you can do about that. You’ve done your part in trying to assist in a smooth transition; the rest is up to your boss, and you can’t force his hand there. Telling your coworkers about the call you overheard will only cause drama, and it’s just not your place to spread that around (plus, the interview may come to nothing, who knows).

All this is going to soon be not your problem. Do your best to leave things in good order, leave behind strong documentation, and go start your new job without staying mired in something that you can’t control and isn’t your responsibility.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Should I feel guilty for having nothing to do?

I’m a salaried, exempt employee making $30,000 per year at my first professional job. I get all of my work done in a timely fashion. Beyond the normal feedback that comes with being trained while new, there have been no complaints about what I produce. Sometimes we have a big crunch, and then I go hard all day, but on the other hand we have slow periods too. I literally run out of tasks unless I make them for myself, which I’m not really authorized to do (e.g. business development inquiries; I’m too junior).

The office is organized. I’ve suggested initiatives to my boss — upgrading the website, for example — and he’s been really slow to authorize me to work on those types of things, because he’s out of town all the time and his default response to anything speculative is “we’ll talk about it when I get back next week” ad infinitum. I ask my main colleague if I can help him with anything and he almost never says yes.

How much time can I spend reading stuff online before I need to feel guilty? Am I making enough of an effort to stay busy in service of the company? Is this an issue I need to raise with my manager, or is it okay to take advantage of the slow periods while staying at the office to keep up appearances? I don’t want to be a shirker.

You don’t need to feel guilty at all. You’ve asked for more work, you’ve looked for new projects yourself, you’ve asked a colleague if you can help him. There’s no cause for guilt here.

That said, I’d draw up a list of projects that you’d like to work on, and the next time you’re able to grab your manager for any significant type of conversation, get the list in front of him and ask if he’ll okay you working on any of them. If he says you’ll talk next week, follow up with him next week. And meanwhile, it’s perfectly appropriate to use the slow periods to do things like work on developing a skill, or reading industry news, or anything else that’s nominally work-related.

Read an update to this letter here.

2. Should I let a company know that I’m declining their offer because of how long they took to get it to me?

I received an offer from a company that I feel would be exciting to work at, even though it pays slightly less than my current job. I considered taking it because it is in a new field for me. However, after receiving the offer, I didn’t hear back from the company for nearly two weeks. This is even after my following up with them after they made the offer. I heard back from them yesterday and the offer is still on the table. I was asked to send them my earliest possible start date and the date I could send them my final answer by, and they said they would send over a written offer letter. I immediately sent over the requested information. It’s been a full day later and I have yet to receive the offer letter, which I need in order to evaluate and give them an answer.

I feel frustrated, and that maybe this is a flag for this company. Is it appropriate to let them know that I’m not accepting this position, and a large part of the reason is the communication around this interview/hiring process? Or is it best to just decline and walk away?

If you’re absolutely sure you’re going to decline, I’d just decline and not get into their delays — although if you wanted to hint at it, you could say, “In the time since you first reached out with the offer, I’ve moved forward with other companies. I regret we weren’t able to nail down the details sooner.”

But before you decide for sure, why not ask them about it? At whatever point you do finally get the formal offer, you could set up a time to talk with the would-be manager for the position to ask a few questions about the offer (which is totally normal to do), and in that conversation you could say something like, “I noticed that it took a few weeks to hear back once you made me the initial offer. Can I ask what was behind that delay?” You might hear that their HR team is notoriously slow but isn’t typical of the rest of the company, or that a key person was on vacation (not uncommon in August), or that they have tons of bureaucracy and this is normal. I don’t know what you’ll hear — but it could be interesting data before you make your decision.

One other thing: In some fields, this kind of timeline is very normal. Since you’re switching fields, it’s possible that you just don’t realize that this is totally in line with your new industry’s norms. I’d talk to others in the field to find out for sure before you write them off over it.

3. Manager wants me to cancel a medical appointment

I have been dealing with a serious problem with my eyes, requiring follow-up appointments with my eye doctor. I make these appointments outside of core work hours, up to four months in advance. I do not require time off work for these follow-ups.

Recently, my manager scheduled a meeting, outside of core hours. I explained that I could not attend as I had a prescheduled medical follow- up. I was told to reschedule my appointment. When I said I could not/would not, I was told I could/should reschedule and that she (my manager) has hair appointments she makes four months in advance that she “cancels and reschedules all the time.”

She may not fully understand that this isn’t something like a routine appointment that wouldn’t be a huge deal to delay. Say this: “While normally I’d do that, this particular appointment is a doctor appointment that I absolutely must keep for medical reasons; delaying it isn’t an option, medically.”

4. Applicants are ignoring instructions to include a cover letter

I’ve just started a search for an administrative assistant position at the law firm where I work. I posted an ad that includes a sentence that states: “Only resumes that are submitted with a cover letter will be considered.” I did this because the last person we hired ended up having terrible written grammar, and I want a cover letter to serve as an informal writing sample (and of course because it is helpful in getting to know an applicant beyond the resume). I have gotten 90 applicants for the position, and out of those 90, only a handful have submitted cover letters. (And one of these “cover letters” actually just said, “I’m looking to relocate ASAP.” I wish I were making that up.)

Now I’m wondering if it’s unreasonable to expect that the general public is aware of what a cover letter is or how to write one. I was taught to always send one when applying for jobs, and yet all of these applicants don’t seem to have gotten that same instruction. Some of the applicants have decent resumes, but I’m bothered by the fact that they didn’t submit cover letters. Do I address this, or just let it go?

Don’t consider the people without cover letters. In your first interaction with them, they showed that they don’t follow basic instructions. Be glad they screened themselves out early, and focus on the candidates who followed directions.

And no, your expectations aren’t unreasonable. Plenty of admin candidates manage to include cover letters; it’s not some sort of esoteric know-how.