Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I get embarrassingly emotional when criticized

I recently finished grad school and I’m in my first full-time position and I start managing twelve employees next month, and I’ve been reading as many books and blogs in managing as possible.

My question for you is this. I love feedback and I’ve been accustomed to giving and receiving it in grad school. Usually it’s over email and addresses written work. In my new position, which I’ve been in for about two months, my boss and I have established a great working relationship and given each other positive feedback and constructive criticism.

The thing is, when I’m constructively criticized, I get embarrassingly over emotional. We’re talking, tears over emotional. Over something not tear-worthy. Something like, “Oh, you made an off comment and you might want to know that it came off kind of weird.” It’s incredibly embarrassing and really it’s a remant of having a childhood with a parent who was emotional and psychologically abusive. I love feedback once I can take a few minutes and digest that, but when it’s given in person I can have an immediate gut reaction of “Ohmygosh I’m so sorry how can I fix it?” In the past I have used constructive criticsm in my professional development plan to improve. Supervisors have complemented and shown appreciation for that in the past. So the last thing I want is for my supervisor to feel uncomfortable giving me constructive criticism.

The tears don’t happen often and I was able to keep from crying in front of my last boss, but was on the verge many, many times. I don’t have a poker face so I’m sure they can tell I’m upset. How do I manage this embarassing thing in a professional way?

I think the first time it happens, I’d address it proactively — either in the moment if you can, or soon afterwards. I’d say something like, “Ugh, I have a weird reaction sometimes with criticism, but please know that it doesn’t indicate I don’t want to hear it — I actually love feedback and really value getting it. I’m working on getting the embarrassing visible reaction under control, but meanwhile I don’t want it to deter you from telling me where you think I could be doing better. I know how important that kind of feedback is to hear.”

And then, really do work on it, possibly with a therapist if you’re not already, because I think it’ll greatly help your quality of life and peace of mind. (And realistically, there will be managers who give you less feedback because of this and/or perceive you as overly sensitive, and you don’t want that.)

2. My boss is yelling at me for using my phone — but I’m using a medical app for diabetes

I am a contractor at a government agency. They have tried to hire me every year but they can’t match my salary so they just keep renewing my contract. I have been there for almost 11 years.

I am a diabetic. It has always been well controlled with pills until recently. I started using insulin, but I had a lot of trouble with figuring out the dosage, what to eat, etc. My doctor suggested an app on my phone, which has helped enormously. I plug in the info and it helps me figure out what I need to do. In order to keep my levels normal, I test about every 1.5 hours. I type in the info and the app does the rest. It takes less than two minutes each time. I only use my cell phone for this purpose while at work. I don’t take calls, text, or play games.

Here’s the problem: I got assigned to a new manager. He saw me on my cell and said in front of everyone, “Do you have enough work to do? Every time I walk by, you are on the phone.” I was so taken aback I just kind of stammered and tried to explain, but he said I don’t care and told me to put the phone away. It was very embarrassing. A lot of people around me heard and asked me what happened. So I don’t leave it on my desk anymore. But I need to have the app help me, so I take it out of my purse when necessary, enter the info and put it away. I man a phone line for techs to call in so I can’t leave my desk to do this. I kept a log of how long I was on my phone and it averages 21 minutes a day.

Yesterday he came by again and started screaming at me. He said, “I saw you on your phone again. You deliberately disobeyed my orders and I am VERY disappointed in you. I have to think about what I am going to do.” Once again I tried to explain what I am doing. He wouldn’t listen. He did this in a public place in front of my coworkers. Very embarrassing! But I put the phone away as I was afraid he would fire me on the spot. I just kind of guessed with my medication. That didn’t work out so well. My levels were all over the place. So I am going to get a doctor’s note and ask for reasonable accommodation under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

What makes me angry is that any given moment you can walk down the aisle and see people on their cells phones texting, posting on social media, taking/making personal calls. My coworker (a full hire) posted on a social media site nine times in 45 minutes today. She has five children, a different ring tone for each one, and they call her constantly. He has never said anything to her that I know of and she sits right outside his office so I am sure he hears the calls. He has never seemed to like me and I feel I am being singled out. I do something that is highly technical and I make a lot more money than him. I know this because as a government agency they post everyone’s salary on a website so anyone can look. Granted, he probably doesn’t know what I am doing on my cell phone. But isn’t it discrimination to single me out for something everyone else is doing? I think he wants to fire me. I have never been disciplined ever at this company. In fact I just got a review and received an above-average for performance. If I were fired, could I claim discrimination? I am hoping it doesn’t come to that but I am worried.

Treating differently employees differently is only illegal discrimination if it’s based on race, sex, religion, disability, or other protected class.

This guy is being a jerk, but as of now it sounds like he doesn’t know that you’re using your phone for a medical reason. Tell him. Tell him now. If he’s not letting you get a word in, then send him an email. Clearly explain the situation because it changes everything. You should also loop in HR, if HR there deals with contractors.

Depending on what type of contractor you are, the Americans with Disabilities Act might not be in play here. (If you’re a 1099 independent contractor, it doesn’t cover you. If you’re a W2 contractor — employed by a contracting company, just not be the agency you’re working in, which I suspect is the case — you’re covered.) Either way, though, explaining to your boss what you’re doing and why is the urgent next step here.

3. Does this application need to be handwritten?

I’m helping my husband with applications and he asked me a question. Unfortunately, I don’t have a good answer for him. The applications are for government positions. He was the senior supervisor and project manager for a military-contracted logistics company for the last 4 years. This will be his first opportunity to apply for a non-military position in the “real world.”

The application states “please print.” So does that mean he has to handwrite the application or can he still print it on the computer? He has terrible chicken scratch for handwriting. I, on the other hand, print quite neatly. But it would be obvious if I filled it out for him.

I think printing it out from a computer would be fine. If they specifically wanting handwriting, (which would be quite unusual — so unusual that I’d think they’d make it very clear) they’d be more likely to say “please hand-write.”

4. Mentioning in a job application that I worked full-time during school

I’m applying for jobs right now and not getting any bites. I think it speaks well of my determination and work ethic that I put myself through night school while working full-time. It’s evident from the dates on my resume that I was at least doing these things simultaneously, but I wouldn’t fault someone for not putting that together from a screening-level glance. Is it okay to mention or even emphasize this in a cover letter? I think it’s more about hard work than sob-story, but I’m wary.

Yep, you can mention it. I wouldn’t make it a major focus, but a sentence about it is fine and could be compelling. Also, on your resume, you might note “(while working full-time)” next to your degree.

5. What does this restructuring mean?

Recently my supervisor announced that she will be leaving her position and gave the standard two-week notice. This happened right after I had my two-year review, in which she gave me a glowing review and a raise. I sat down with her and she asked me whether I was interested in her position and I let her know that I would love to take on more responsibility. She told me she would talk to her supervisor and proceed from there.

Well, the following day my manager came to me to let me know she was hiring a temp to cover for me while I learned all about my supervisor’s position for the next two weeks. I took this as a good sign, but I heard from one of my coworkers that my manager was thinking about restructuring my supervisor’s position but that my manager was waiting until another coworker from our department got back from vacation.

Now I’m wondering if this means that they will give half of the duties from supervisor to me and the other half to our coworker and completely eliminate the supervisor position. In your opinion, is restructuring code for getting rid of a position? Our company is quite big but they are widely known for low salaries and employee dissatisfaction.

It can mean getting rid of a position, but it can also mean all kinds of other things, like keeping the same people but reorganizing some or all of their roles.

At a minimum, it sounds like they want you to be able to cover for your supervisor until a more formal plan is in place.

You can actually ask! It would be fine to say, “I’m excited to be learning X and Y to fill in for Jane, but I wonder if you can tell me what you’re thinking the long-term plan will be and where I’ll fit into it.”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I don’t want to keep driving my boss to the airport

I recently started a new job at a small business. I’m salaried (not hourly). My boss is in another city and he comes (via airplane) to my city to go on site visits with me a couple days each month. There isn’t an official office in my city; I work largely out of my home, with a small workspace/office in a building that really is just intended to one person. The last few times he’s come down, he has asked me to pick him up at the airport and drive us both around to the sites, then return him to the airport in the evening. This is an inconvenience for me – the airport is about 25 minutes in the opposite direction of anything, and with traffic requires me to leave at least an hour earlier than if I was just meeting him at the first site. In the afternoon/evening, I also have to plan for an extra hour, which means my kids stay at their daycare later than usual. I’m also just uncomfortable being with anyone all day long without anything more than a bathroom break; I’m an introvert and value at least a few minutes of downtime during the day when I don’t have to be “on.”

I’m okay with driving to/from place to place together; that makes sense and is fine. But it’s the having to get him from the airport and then drop him off again; it is out of the way and takes at a minimum of an extra hour each time (morning and afternoon). Plus, sometimes his flight has been quite a bit earlier or later than the first or last meeting, so we “have time” to get a cup of coffee or a “quick bite” to eat. Last time, our last meeting finished at 4, but with his flight not until 6:30, my kids were in daycare until 6 p.m. while he and I lingered over coffee at a place near the airport (I dropped him off at 5:30).

If I don’t drive him, I’m not sure what he’d do – take a cab or rent a car, I guess. He is very cost-conscious, so I’m sure he prefers me driving him. I also haven’t requested mileage for this and he hasn’t offered it. I don’t get mileage for any of the driving I do (even to sites – I justified it as a perk of being able to work from home some of the time). If it was once a year, that’d be one thing, but so far it’s been twice a month for a few months now, with more visits scheduled. Can I do anything to tactfully avoid being his chauffeur? I don’t want to damage our relationship, which is generally positive.

I don’t think you can do anything about the driving that falls during normal business hours; it’s not unreasonable that he’s asking you to do that as part of your job. However, you can certainly explain that your daycare drop-off and pick-up means that you can’t pick him up or drop him off outside certain hours; it would be reasonable to say something like, “I need to drop off my kids at daycare at 8:30 a.m. and pick them up at 5 p.m., so it’s going to be tough for me to do the airport drives. Would renting a car or cabbing it work instead?”

Oh, and start expensing your mileage — at least for these chauffeuring trips, and maybe for all of it.

2. Are man buns appropriate for the office?

It seems in recent times to be growing more popular for men to grow their hair out and wear it in a bun (example). Today I saw this for the first time in the professional world, on a government intern. I was a little surprised to see it, but on reflection I don’t think he looked unpolished, and anyway, if women can wear buns professionally, why shouldn’t men be able to?

But I know there are offices that don’t even like beards on men or pixie cuts on women, let alone man buns, so I was curious to know what you and the readers think. I also suspect this may just be a trend that blows over within the next year or two.

I think it’s awesome, but I’m biased because I like long hair on men. But I’m a proponent of anything that evens out standards of professionalism between men and women — whether it’s pants on women (which was shocking at one point) or buns on men.

3. Am I too inexperienced to apply for my manager’s job?

My direct supervisor recently left, and I’m interested in applying for her position. First, I would love to have this job. It’s a small department (my position + a Department head who reports directly to the Head of the organization), so there aren’t other opportunities to move up. I’ve taken on a lot of new responsibilities since I came on. I have a solid understanding of how we do things and a bunch of ideas for how we can grow our department. Since my supervisor left and I’ve been reporting directly to the Head of the organization, she’s been appreciating my work and assigned me responsibility for a major project rather than hiring a consultant. This week she even said, “The two of us seem to be doing well without having a [Department head].” I know she sees a lot of potential in me and she often includes me in high level conversations so that I can grow professionally. A month or so back, I directly told her I think being in a role like my supervisor held is probably a good next step for my career.

That said, I’m really young. I’ve only been working for 4 years, I’ve never been a supervisor, and I don’t have a Masters (one of the requirements for the position).

Is it even worth it to apply? If so, how can I tactfully tell the head of the organization I’m interested in the role but will understand if I’m not ready, and equally important if I am interviewed, will be happy to work with the eventual department head if it’s not me?

In most organizations, four years of work experience wouldn’t be enough for a department head role, but it’s not my opinion that matters; it’s your boss’s. There’s nothing wrong with saying something like, “I’d love to take on the department head role either now or in the future — is that something you’d consider me for?”

I don’t think you need to worry too much about conveying that you’ll be happy to work with whoever’s hired, even if it’s not you; unless you have a track record of being A Problem, most managers will assume that. But you could certainly reinforce that by making a particular point of sounding open and receptive to feedback about your possible candidacy and not terribly bummed out if your manager tells you it’s not quite the right match.

4. Should I speak up about a grocery store employee I’m concerned about?

This summer is very hot for a lot of the country, and twice at a grocery store not far from me I’ve seen a woman who I’d guess is in her late 70s on cart return (responsible for going around the parking lot and collecting all carts back to the front of the store). The second time, I offered to push her carts into the store for her and she seemed very thankful and relieved (leading me to believe she did not request to be on cart duty). Both times when I’ve gone into the store, I’ve seen employees who appear to be much more physically able working doing bagging or other tasks that I’ve noticed are most likely part of the same job as this woman has.

I’ve wanted to bring it up with the store manager that I don’t believe this woman should be out in the near 100 degree heat rounding up carts but I don’t want to get her into any trouble. I’m sure it is part of the requirements of the job that she be able to do this particular task but that doesn’t necessarily mean she should have to do it, does it?

If it helps, this is a grocery store that can be readily found around the nation. I’ve spoken about it to a few friends and they all agreed that it is very unfortunate that she had to be on cart duty, but no one knew whether it would be an appropriate issue to bring up with the store manager. What are your thoughts? Is this just simply none of my business?

On one hand, I think it’s helpful for businesses to hear from customers who object to the way they’re treating employees. On the other hand, you risk this woman losing her job if they get customer complaints about her, uh, doing her job. (And I totally get that it seems like they could easily reassign her to other work, but it’s hard to know from the outside if there might actually be legitimate reasons that’s not the case.) Ultimately, I think that makes me come down on the side of not saying anything … but tipping her well when you see her.

I’m curious to hear what others think, though.

5. When to raise medical accommodations while applying for a job

Where does the Americans with Disabilities Act come into play when applying for a job? As an insulin-dependent diabetic, aka type 1, I use an insulin pump and would require some accommodations such as short time-outs for testing my blood sugar and adjusting my wearable medical device. Do I put this in the cover letter, in the resume, or is there some other way to find out if the prospective employer is “diabetic friendly”?

Wait until you have an offer. There’s no reason to raise it before then. Once you have an offer, you’d simply say, “I want to mention that I’d need ___ because of a medical condition. Does that sound like it will pose any obstacles?” (And for what it’s worth, it’s hard for me to imagine a job where what you need would be prohibitive. I think you’ll find it ends up being a non-issue.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. We found nude photos of a former employee on a work computer

In the process of cleaning up a supervisor’s old computer, our IT department found nude photos of one of his employees. The images are pretty obviously consensual, and appear to have been sent to him prior to her employment (by several years). We (HR) are obviously going to write up the supervisor for having nude photos on his computer (it’s possible he got them and has since forgotten about them, as they are almost 10 years old), but we cannot agree on what to do with the employee.

I feel like I would want to be notified that someone at work had nude photos of me, even if I took them and sent them myself (which we don’t know that she did). My boss feels that notifying her of these old images could open a can of worms for no good reason. What are our obligations here?

If you’re sure the images are consensual, I wouldn’t contact a former employee with this awkward message. Focus your actions on the manager who’s still working for you — who apparently didn’t disclose to you a former sexual relationship with someone who later become his employee (and possibly a relationship that continued while she was working for him, which would be even more problematic). That requires more than “writing up”; that requires a serious conversation about appropriate boundaries as a manager, power dynamics, and judgment, and a decision on your part about whether you trust this guy to have appropriate judgment in the future (and if you do, what evidence you have that his judgment is now different).

2. Sales rep intentionally cc’d a client on an email they shouldn’t have been on

I am a director of a mid-sized team in a mid-sized company. We have a sales team that handles leads and getting contracts signed, but all proposals for my division go through me and I am generally involved in helping to create a relationship with the client during the sales phase and throughout the life of the project. Part of what has made my team successful has been developing and maintaining very good relationships with clients.

One of the members of the sales team, let’s call him Peter, has been trying to close a contract with an existing client for quite a while. This is not unusual with this client – every project we’ve done with them has involved an extra long sales cycle. But, they keep doing projects with us, so I consider it worth it.

The other day, I was cc’d on an email from the head of sales to Peter on the email thread that he’d been using to correspond with the client. It said, “Is this one done, Peter? We are way behind schedule here. Important client, so let me know.” The thing is, he also cc’d the client. I wrote back saying, “I don’t know if this was intentional, but did you know that the client was cc’d on this?” To which he responded that it had been part of his strategy to help move things along.

The way I see it, one of two things happened here: (1) He intentionally cc’d her as he said, “playing dumb” to move the process along, or (2) He accidentally cc’d her and lied about it. Either way, I am displeased. Either he’s sloppy and didn’t own up to his mistake (I would have followed up with the client apologizing for accidentally including her on an internal email and to please disregard – it’s not as though he said something terribly insulting or something). Or, he really is using this as a strategy, which I don’t like because it makes us look sloppy and unprofessional – especially when we don’t follow up with an explanation.

I would like this not to happen again, and to let him know that I was not pleased with the way he handled it. How do you think I should proceed? I don’t want to be a tattle tale, but I know that our boss would be angry about this too, and I don’t thing it’s a good business practice.

I’m not clear on whether your role makes it appropriate to tell the head of sales, “Hey, please don’t use that as a strategy because it reflects poorly on us,” but if so, you should do that. If not, you could do a lower-key version of that — like, “Hmmm, I don’t think it’s great for the client to get this sort of email because…”

Alternately, you could forward the exchange to his manager with a note that says, “I think this strategy is a mistake because ____, but I want to leave it in your court to address if you think it needs it.” (Although it’s possible that the head of sales loves this kind of cheesy move.)

But this all depends on exactly what your role is and what the dynamics are between the departments.

3. I hate how much I’m traveling for work

I’m nine months into my first job out of college. I took a job in another part of the country and work remotely. When I initially interviewed for the job, I was told I could expect to spend 20% of my time on the road. That turned out to be the case for the first few months, but my time traveling has expanded in recent months.

The past few months, I’ve essentially lived on the road. I’m spending about 80% of my time on the road, and while it is essential to my work to travel, it’s much more than I thought. I’m driving 3000-4000 miles each month, spending 15 hours on the road some days. I’m indirectly pressured to travel on the weekends as well, since meetings on the work days would occur during driving time. Flights aren’t an option, since I travel to remote areas away from airports.

My travel could be reduced if I moved to the main office, although I’d still spend a good deal of time on the road no matter where I live. They’d told me I could live offsite when I interviewed, but other co-workers have strongly hinted at me moving down while my bosses attentively stood nearby.

The travel is really exhausting me, and my sleep suffers when I’m moving from hotel to hotel. I’m concerned about drowsy driving, and my job performance also suffers. I could ask for a reduction in travel, but 80% of my time on the road currently isn’t enough to do my job; I’m overextended as it is. I’m uniquely qualified, so although they’ve discussed hiring an extra person for my position, they likely won’t find anyone (not bragging – I’m just the only one out there so far that’s qualified) for at least a year or two.

Would I be justified in leaving? I think I’d stick around for a full year, just to say I’ve completed a year on my resume. However, I worry what future employers might think. Is leaving over this a valid reason? There are other reasons as well that make me want to leave (communication style differences, cultural differences; poor audio quality as a remote worker), so sticking through another year or two isn’t something I’d want to do.

Yep, it’s a totally valid reason (not that you need a valid reason; it’s totally your call regardless). That’s a ton of travel, and most people wouldn’t want to do it. That said, before you quit, talk to your manager. It’s very possible that they’d rather keep you even if it means having you traveling less than lose you altogether. But if you don’t speak up (and be clear about the fact that it’s a deal-breaker for you, not just not your preference), they won’t know.

4. Should I explain that I quit my job in my cover letter?

I recently quit my job of over 11 years, and I was curious how I should handle the resignation in my cover letter, if at all. I would like to mention it because I don’t want perspective employers to think I was fired or laid off. I want to convey that I left to seek new opportunities and that the resignation was amicable.

The cover letter really isn’t the place to talk about why you left your last job unless it’s directly relevant — you want your focus to be on why you’d excel at the new job, not on whatever went down at the old job. That said, it’s possible that you could very naturally work something into your letter like, “I left my teapot painting job in May after realizing that I want to pursue teapot spout design full-time.” That way it’s more about explaining something that strengthens your candidacy rather than defending something that hasn’t been questioned.

5. Am I making myself seem flighty because of internal transfers?

I have worked for a large corporation in a call center for over two years. During that time, I have been part of three departments and was just hired into a fourth in a rare off-the-phone position. Even though each transfer is a promotion, I am concerned that I could begin to appear as flighty; it seems most people with my company stay in one department for years at a time. As a manager, do you feel that I could potentially be limiting myself by taking advantage of so many opportunities so quickly?

Nope, job hopping is really about moving from company to company, not about moving around within your company.