job applicants are hounding me on social media

by Alison Green on March 11, 2025

A reader writes:

I’m a recently appointed executive director who is hiring a number of people for newly created roles. In the past, I’ve hired but never had the overwhelming response I’m getting now. Much of it is coming through my personal channels, such as LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, and even my personal email.

Our organization uses an electronic applicant tracking system and we are vetting candidates that way. More and more, I’m receiving messages non-stop, to the point where my wife and some former colleagues have received requests for my contact details. A few candidates have sent surly follow-up notes.

Is it okay to respond to them telling them not to contact me at my private email or on Facebook? I feel like they may need a refresher on networking and that this isn’t it. How should I handle these people?

I answer this question — and three others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

Other questions I’m answering there today include:

  • Talking about pumping in a male-dominated office
  • How to politely decline buying a shirt when it’s about cancer
  • My colleagues are uninterested in my work
You may also like:
{ 149 comments }

{ 149 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Snarkastic*

    Not helpful or realistic, but I would tell my co-workers I have to pump and then proceed to do so while making eye contact. It’s just a dream, but a spiteful one.

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    1. Aphrodite*

      I want to say that I agree with Alison in her response to letter #1. Pumping is normal and should not be shamed.

      HOWEVER, I, a childfree woman, am very squeamish about the word and the action as I am around any talk of childbirth or other “icky” topics. That’s not to say I want to see these topics or women go back into the dark ages. I do not. But, please, consider that some of us would rather hear “I have something I can’t move” than the specific reason. (I would scurry away faster than any man. Sue me. That’s just me.)

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      1. SleepyTimeTay*

        I’m kind of the same. I’m a woman who is so grossed out by pregnancy, childbirth, and breast feeding. I’ve definitely likened it to the xenomorph in the Alien movies. THAT BEING SAID, I also believe it is a total normal thing and that there shouldn’t be any shame in breast feeding. It’s a very normal thing and it’s no different than excusing yourself to the bathroom.

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        1. Amy*

          I’m not trying to split hairs here, but yes, it’s very different than going to the bathroom. I pumped with all three of my kids and I always found it low-key sad/frustrating that feeding my kid was compared to going to the bathroom :/

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          1. AnReAr*

            Yeah, there really is no equivalent. Breastfeeding is wholly its own bodily function with its own hygiene and other types of considerations that can’t easily be equivocated to another bodily function. It’s like a power shake made by the body, so it’s basically just got the same considerations as any other nutrient dense perishable food.

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          2. SleepyTimeTay*

            I’m sorry!! I just meant it in the general sense of a normal thing and that we have weird standards of what is okay to say. I in no way meant to talk/look down on breast feeding!

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        2. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

          Ha, I’m convinced that seeing Alien as a small child (Dad, just because you wanted to see it didn’t make it appropriate for a kindergartner) is one of the reasons I never had an interest in motherhood. There are MANY other reasons; I’m ace/aro, super impatient, fairly selfish, and I don’t care for repetition or high-pitched noise. But I admit that scene is the first thing to pop into my head when someone talks about childbirth. No thanks!

          I don’t tend to have the same ick factor for breastfeeding and wouldn’t care if my coworker excused herself to pump, though, now that I think about it.

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      2. Shipbuilding Techniques*

        At my work people will talk about needing a “bio break” for anything bodily function related.

        Reply ↓
          2. Rainy*

            Same. I think it just registers as twee for me in a way that immediately gets up my nose. I try not to have visible reactions when people say it, but UGH.

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      3. CoffeeTime*

        I understand that it makes you uncomfortable, but I’d really encourage you to work towards making yourself comfortable with hearing “I have to go pump” instead of making the person who needs to pump tiptoe around your sensitivities. It’s not especially different from someone saying they need to mix a batch of formula, take their child to the paediatrician, go to the dentist etc.

        And conflating pumping with “icky” topics is pretty rude.

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        1. Consonance*

          I have to agree. Aphrodite’s discomfort may be honest and a simple fact, but it’s not a fact that I should feel a need to tiptoe around. “I need to go take medication,” “I need to use the bathroom,” “I need to touch up my lipstick,” “I need to take a quick walk to get the blood flowing again,” “I need to use eyedrops,” “I need to adjust my contacts”….. All of these are body-related things that would be unreasonable to expect someone to soften on the off-chance someone is uncomfortable with it. If it’s rising to the level of phobia, that’s something the individual needs to deal with/address/handle on their own, not by expecting the world to adjust to them. I realize that sounds harsh, but women have dealt with people being disgusted by them for existing for too long to play this game anymore.

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        2. Aphrodite*

          It’snot just that. It’s infomation that is not needed to co-workers as I see it. Simply say “I can’t” or “I already am scheduled” or something that doesn’t tell me specificially what you want to do would be perfect. Is it tiptoeing around? I don’t think so. It’s being more simple than more explanatory. I use “excuse me for a moment” a lot of the time and it is clean, simple, quick and says what I want it to say without being specific.

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          1. duinath*

            I disagree. From what I understand pumping is something people schedule, it’s relatively time consuming, and it requires some amount of focus (and certainly more privacy than most other things that take that amount of time at work).

            It will happen every day, and it should not be scheduled over or interrupted. Would it be nice to think people will respect all that if you’re vague? Maybe. But it’s unlikely.

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      4. Also-ADHD*

        Also a childfree woman, and I definitely feel sometimes there has been a lot of weird gross bodily talk I’ve had to endure, and I’m tokaphobic. But “I pump at that time” just doesn’t evoke any images at all for me and pumping wouldn’t trigger that (when women have talked about morning sickness or worse or if they talk about their menstrual cycles, as sometimes even women in workplaces seem to think is OK if no men are around — and I mean comments that I think are actually graphic — then I have been really bothered).

        As another perspective, I definitely would say if all they’re doing is seeming a bit “shy” and not overtly disgusted (like I’m imagining scurrying away more than fussing, “Ew!” at LW), it might be that no one is wrong. You can’t police other people’s comfort, and LW might just be overly empathetic to their mild discomfort–which they may know is on them to deal with. They might just literally not know what to say, feel bad they proposed a time when LW had a bodily function, want to get out of the way as she’s taking her breast milk and pump to the fridge, etc. It’s hard to say without seeing the reaction. It might be childish and wrong, or it might just be humans having different feelings.

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  2. Beth*

    I know these are old letters, but LW1 feels particularly timely given the current job market. With the combo of layoffs, really slow hiring, and the long job search timelines that come out of that combo, so many people are desperate for any way to differentiate themselves. In my last job hunt (which ended ~2 months ago, after ~8 months of dedicated searching), I got so much advice that came down to exactly what LW1 is seeing candidates do. Even some recruiters were telling me to do it! I tried it a few times (only on LinkedIn, and only after applying via the standard process!) and I don’t think it made any difference, but it was really hard to resist that advice when it felt like I was sending hundreds of applications into the void.

    Reply ↓
    1. Salty Caramel*

      I’ve seen a lot of advice to do this as well and I understand the temptation. I want to know a human being read my resume, not some bot that is programmed to reject if certain keywords are missing from the document.

      When rejections come five minutes after you upload the resume into an ATS or are timestamped 10:00 p.m. on Sunday, it’s damn discouraging.

      Reply ↓
      1. Susannah*

        I get that, but…I would feel stalked and bullied if I was the target of behavior described by LW. And who’s to say a human would read your resume if you hunted someone down on facebook? I think I would be *less8* inclined to review the resume.

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        1. Laser99*

          It also goes without saying that anyone sending a “surly follow-up” should not be considered, right?

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        2. Salty Caramel*

          I said I understood the temptation, not that I condoned the behavior. I was shocked at the idea of tracking down someone’s personal socials for a follow-up. It never would have crossed my mind.

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      2. Curious*

        If you’re busy enough with your day to day work, 10:00 pm on Sunday May be when you have a chance to go through resumes.

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    2. Richard Hershberger*

      The thing is, the best way to get a job is not to go through the admissions process, at least to start. It is to have a personal contact in a position to influence the process. That is exactly how I got my current job. When my boss of 15 years told me he was retiring, I emailed a guy I had worked with before that, who is now in a senior position in a firm. He had me send a resume and, when the time came, enter an application, but these were formalities.

      This is not exceptional. Quite the opposite. The problem the LW is facing is people are trying to do this without actually having the personal contacts. This isn’t something you can really fake.

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      1. Lenora Rose*

        On the one hand I have a friend for whom I would very much like to advocate as they move from a temporary student role into a permanent one, and I might actually have some small bit of influence on them getting the role if I do, so yes, sometimes knowing someone helps.

        On the other hand, MY only pre-hire contact within the current overarching business we share has absolutely nothing to do with hiring and would not have been able to advocate for me if she did. I simply happened to apply at a time when they really needed people in my starting role and could afford to hire some. So no, it’s not always the case you know someone.

        Reply ↓
        1. Richard Hershberger*

          I don’t mean to suggest that this is the only way to get a job. But it is the most reliable, if you have the requisite contact. My job hunt last summer landed two offers: the one with my contact, and one I got through a job site. How many contacts did I email? Just the one. How many jobs did I apply for through job sites? Many more than one.

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          1. Another Hiring Manager*

            It’s reliable if the contacts are in the right place, at the right time, and at the right level of influence.

            I’m glad it worked out for you, but the stars don’t always align that way for everyone.

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      2. Beth*

        Yes, of course having a close contact who loves your work and is hiring (or positioned close to the hiring manager) is the easiest way to get a new job. That’s widely known.

        It’s not helpful advice, though. In my industry at least, there have been a lot of layoffs in the last year, as well as a lot of hiring freezes. Most job hunters are people who really need a new job now–people with stable jobs that they’re reasonably happy in aren’t hunting right now. If they don’t have a lot of personal contacts (e.g. early career professionals), there’s not much they can do about that. Even if they have a big network, odds are a lot of their contacts aren’t hiring right now, and those that are know several people who would be a great fit for the one opening they have.

        My experience was that there’s nothing job hunters in that position can do but continue to slog through submitting applications and hope they get lucky. But that’s a miserable process that can take months–of course people are trying every suggestion they get on ways to stand out. And people like LW1 end up fielding the results.

        Reply ↓
        1. Richard Hershberger*

          It’s not advice. It is analysis. Why is it that this strategy that we all know to work isn’t working in this particular case? Because the strategy requires a resource (an actual personal contact with someone in a position to make a difference) that this person spamming a Facebook account lacks. Spamming that Facebook account is an attempt to simulate the necessary resource. The attempt is doomed.

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        2. Also-ADHD*

          To be fair, the best time to grow your network is when you don’t need it yet. The advice is useful…it’s just not useful once you’re in a bad situation. It’s very useful to remember when you’re in a good situation, and to prepare for being in a bad one later.

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      3. Artemesia*

        when I got the job post PhD that ended up being my career for 45 years, it was after a merger where my department got dropped. I knew there was a new research project director being hired and he was a footnote of mine so I sent him a letter outlining my background and indicating interest in his project. I also asked my major professor at my graduating institution to contact him.

        I literally got two letters the same day. One from his secretary with the usual blah blah we will certainly keep you in mind (not). The other was from him, friendly and engaging and asking me to set up an appointment on a specific date two weeks hence through his secretary because he had something he hoped to hire me for. One was in response to my letter and one in response to the professor in my field contacting him. That job let to a series of increasingly better positions until I had a full time full professor role by the time I retired.

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    3. Cat Lady in the Mountains*

      Yeah, I’m seeing a huge increase in people reaching out on my personal platforms compared to a year or two ago. I empathize with the desperation, but other than linkedin it’s super uncool and can even creep me out if it’s clear the person made significant efforts to track down my social profiles. My privacy settings are about as strict as you can make them (so if you found me, it wasn’t from a 2-minute search), and I’m a middle manager who is definitely not getting paid enough to have my personal stuff infiltrated with work requests. I’ve also noticed a pattern with more aggressive or hostile responses on my personal channels if I try to direct them to our process (not everyone, but a not-insignificant minority), so at this point I don’t respond, I just block and delete.

      Reply ↓
      1. Paint N Drip*

        Unfortunately for the gumption-havers, I feel like there is a strong correlation between someone who finds your clearly personal social media (or other contact) to double-down on their desire for the job that has a clear application process and someone who is lacking other critical thinking or self-control basics enough to be the top applicant let alone a good employee

        Reply ↓
        1. Rex Libris*

          This. Tracking down my personal info or contacting my friends or relatives (!) is an awesome way to get personal attention. I will personally call HR and have the person’s resume removed from consideration.

          Reply ↓
      2. Ana Maus*

        It never occurred to me to find a hiring manger or HR person on FB or X or Insta.

        I reached out to the head of HR at one organization via LinkedIn–I couldn’t save the application in their ATS because it wouldn’t accept anything I put in the SAT score field. When I took the SATs four decades ago, they scored them differently. I found a conversion chart, that didn’t work. Neither did a blank or 0. No number or email attached to the ATS for help.

        No reply.

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        1. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

          Yet another way to exclude older applicants – don’t accept old SAT score formats and don’t give the options to ask questions about this input.

          Reply ↓
        2. Lady Lessa*

          Ana,

          I wonder if you had problems because of your age. I know when I was job hunting when older, at least one place had their program reject me at the very beginning.

          Reply ↓
        3. Resentful Oreos*

          It makes me wonder why they want your SAT’s for anything other than a college internship or your first job out of school anyway. I’m always suspicious of applications that need SAT’s, high school transcripts (especially when you have your BA or higher), or even “elementary school subjects.” Come on, we had reading, math, PE, etc. from one teacher in one classroom. It just seems like a way to weed out applicants.

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        4. Susannah*

          That is a great example of a place that has zero idea how to hire.
          Also, who the hell wants to see SAT scores? They’re useful for colleges choosing the freshman class. That’s it.

          Reply ↓
          1. RC*

            And even then, are more likely to correlate to naturally good test-takers or those whose parents had the money to pay for a prep class than anything else.

            Reply ↓
      3. Disappointed with the Staff*

        Note their name, block and delete. The name goes in our “do not hire” list.

        I’m lucky in that we have a lot of applicants, and we’re hiring smart people to do things that require research and understanding skills, the ability to understand not just solutions but consequences. Demonstrating that you don’t have those skills puts you firmly on the do not hire list.

        Reply ↓
    4. Artemesia*

      It also works often enough and systems in place are often terrible and exclude qualified candidates before they are considered, that people will do this. Try not to hold it against them.

      Reply ↓
  3. FunkyMunky*

    I’m pretty sure you can block from anyone who’s not on your friend list or following list to send you DMs on FB/IG, that should at least solve that. On LD, can you set up an auto response of any sort?

    Reply ↓
    1. Lenora Rose*

      I’m not sure you can completely block them on Messenger but they can get shunted to a totally different area you have to actively check.

      Reply ↓
      1. FunkyMunky*

        I think you can definitely restrict some aspects of msg delivery, yeah
        “Manage Message Delivery: Go to your Facebook settings, then “Preferences,” and select “Manage message delivery” to control who can send you messages directly or as requests. “

        Reply ↓
  4. Apex Mountain*

    I feel bad for candidates who are struggling, and personally wouldn’t mind a message on LinkedIn, but sending notes on FB and instagram is another level of “no don’t do that”

    Reply ↓
    1. CoffeeTime*

      Honestly. I would go so far as to remove anyone who did that from the candidate pool. Linkedin, sure, it’s a professional platform designed for networking.
      But personal social media pages? Asking their LWs wife for LWs contact details?

      Such a massive judgement issue.

      Reply ↓
      1. k*

        I agree, it would make me question what kind of “gumption” they would bring to the job. If they’re trying to prove themselves are they going to overstep in the name of “taking initiative” and do something they aren’t authorized to do, or make another terrible judgement call? All these actions tell me is that they’re bad at following directions.

        Reply ↓
        2. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

          Eh, a lot of them are probably taking bad advice/taking things too far/making bad judgments out of desperation, and would likely not do the same thing if they were settled in a job. But there’s really no way to tell in advance which is which.

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          1. Rex Libris*

            “Only makes bad decisions when really stressed” still isn’t a quality you want in a job candidate though.

            Reply ↓
  5. Bookworm*

    Sending sympathy to LW1. I’ve shared several job postings in various channels as a courtesy and hoping to help someone else out, etc. and even when I write that I have no ties to the organization, just sharing, only the messenger, etc. I still get inquiries from people asking me about…my ties to the organization.

    I totally, completely understand trying to stand out in the job market but come on. I said it right there. So good luck to all the hiring managers!

    Reply ↓
  6. I'm just here for the cats!!*

    Did anyone else see #2 and think of the letter where the young janitor entered the lady’s office while she was pumping, even after being told she was pumping, because he thought she meant she was working out (pumping iron.)

    Reply ↓
    1. Hlao-roo*

      That was a great one! Story #1 on the “Mortification Week: the security tape, the marital argument, and other stories to cringe over” post from August 1, 2024.

      Reply ↓
      1. But what to call me?*

        If someone I didn’t know just said they were pumping and I didn’t have the context of knowing this person had a baby I probably wouldn’t make the connection between the word ‘pumping’ and specifically pumping breast milk, despite knowing that that’s a thing people do. I’ve never done it and it’s rarely something I have any reason to think about, so it just might not come to mind without additional cues. It doesn’t sound like the guy was bewildered about what in the world this strange device on this woman’s chest is for once he encountered it. He just jumped to the meaning of the word in the context where he most often encounters it and didn’t think to question it.

        Reply ↓
  7. JP*

    That cancer t-shirt photo thing makes me cringe in embarrassment. I really really hope that wasn’t the extent of the support offered to this woman.

    Reply ↓
    1. Meow*

      If I learned anything from my husband being on the PTO, it’s that there are people that will look for any excuse to make a T-shirt.

      Reply ↓
          1. RC*

            Heh, probably not half, but yes fast fashion is an environmental plague and I cannot overstate how much I do not need or want another sleep shirt (because that’s all they’re sized for)

            Reply ↓
    2. Aspiring Chicken Lady*

      And, not for nothing, does everyone else’s spouse get a performative t-shirt photo whenever they develop any other health condition?

      The capitalism of pink ribbons/pink water bottles/pink t-shirts/pink appliances/etc is exhausting.

      Reply ↓
      1. Apex Mountain*

        I think it’s perfectly fine for LW here to bow out of the photo and tshirt, but imo there’s nothing wrong with someone organizing it either. It’s alot more exhausting having cancer

        Reply ↓
        1. Dinwar*

          Agreed. Every woman in my family will get breast cancer–it’s genetic, there’s really no chance of avoiding it. And cancer is a really, really common way to die in my industry; turns out cleaning carcinogens out of the soil and water is risky. So I’m going to donate to cancer research whenever I can! And I’m 100% okay being used as a billboard for it.

          On the flip side, I don’t look down on anyone who doesn’t donate. It’s my choice. Money is finite and we all have our own priorities. If you prefer to donate to animal shelters, or to disaster relief, or not donate at all, that’s up to you. It’s your money, not mine, and unless you’re actively asking my advice I’ve got no business having any say in how you spend it (outside of paying for things that are legally/morally despicable to begin with, like donating to hate groups).

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          1. Elle*

            Except in this case the shirt was entirely meaningless. It did not represent in any way that you had donated to support cancer survivors or cancer research/treatment. Money wasn’t going to anywhere or anyone other than the shirt maker.

            Reply ↓
            1. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

              To me, that was the mistake. I assume the person who designed them really wanted something custom, rather than buying t-shirts from a breast cancer org or hospital actually helping the colleague’s wife, or advancing research, or something that supports the cause. If you do it that way, most of the cost of the shirt you buy is a donation (or it should be, with a good org). Either way there shouldn’t be pressure to buy or wear something, and it’s great of you to be willing to just donate instead of being involved in this silliness.

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          2. MigraineMonth*

            I think having my spouse’s workplace send me a picture of them all wearing pink shirts with my name on them in support of me because I got a cancer diagnosis would be… really odd, to say the least.

            I’d appreciate a donation to cancer research in my name, PTO donations to my spouse, offers of meals/delivery giftcards, etc. Just a photo of people my spouse works with in pink shirts doesn’t feel very supportive to me?

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        2. Neutral Janet*

          To be fair part of the exhaustion of having a serious illness is other people being weird about it… and I would put this in that category. A “thinking of you” card indicates people are thinking of you. Organizing a photo op with custom shirts indicates… someone who wants to make a big deal out of my illness so they can feel good about themselves? Someone who didn’t take two seconds to consider this money might better go towards meal delivery for the family or a cancer charity? It definitely feels more performative than supportive.

          Reply ↓
          1. KB*

            When my mother got terminal brain cancer, I wanted to write a book called “How are you doing?” because everyone asked that question but with one of three motives: a) they actually cared and genuinely wanted to know what they could do help (the minority), b) they felt obliged to ask by social niceties, but everything in their manner screamed ‘I don’t care, don’t give me details’ and c) they wanted all of the news to share with everyone and/or wanted the kudos and the cookie for Doing The Right Thing.

            Luckily I was too tired to write the book after the funeral and everything was done, and my rage ebbed by the time I was back to being my normal self.

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      2. Anon for this one*

        God, I hate the pink-industrial complex. I’d have hated it if my spouse’s co-workers wore pink T-shirts in my name, and fortunately they know me well enough they’d never have thought of such a stupid idea.

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        1. Pita Chips*

          When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, one of the first things out of my mouth was, “Do not give me pink things.”

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    3. The Petson from the Resume*

      This isn’t really rainbow capitalism, though, since the Secretary isn’t making money … although she’s probably getting a pretty pink t-shirt she’ll love.

      I think it’s sort of a love language type of thing. I will not feel supported by something empty like this, but some people who are not me will be moved by the show of support.

      Reply ↓
      1. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

        Maybe if it was in addition to a donation, meal train, etc. if needed, then it would be “look at all these people who are supporting us,” and that could be a mood boost to the colleague and/or their wife who has breast cancer. Doing it instead of anything that will actually help would bug me, tbh.

        Reply ↓
        1. MigraineMonth*

          Yeah, I think I’d feel differently if they were wearing these t-shirts in the Cancer Society walk-a-thon, or if they were buying official Cancer Society t-shirts (proceeds go to cancer research).

          I’d feel really weird if people my spouse worked with were walking around in “MigraineMonth has Breast Cancer” t-shirts, however supportively they put it. (I also doubt that they’re going to do this when Sheryl’s husband gets prostate cancer, because prostate cancer doesn’t get pretty pink “awareness” branding.)

          Reply ↓
    4. Rex Libris*

      Yeah. I know people are different, but I’m trying to think how I’d feel if I had a life threatening illness and the office was like “We all bought T-shirts!” I don’t think supported is how I’d feel.

      Reply ↓
      1. Gumby*

        Even better, “Here’s a picture of us to make you feel better!” Like… no. Presumably she isn’t close personal friends with the whole office and a picture of you and/or your kids is not a gift to anyone who is not related to you. (And frankly, even then, it’s all in how it’s presented. Am I happy to get school photos of my nieces and nephews? Yes. Was I internally salty when those were presented as “here is your Christmas gift from us!” for 5 or 6 years running? Also yes.)

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    5. Artemesia*

      No kidding: meal trains, go fund mes, care packages, even flowers and of course contributions to charities related. But T-shirts? And they are always ugly.

      Reply ↓
  8. ChattyDelle*

    Not job application related, but I did have a casual acquaintance contact me about something job-related on Facebook messenger. (I worked for the garbage company, she has a question about something with her service). After sitting on it for a few hours, I sent her back a message asking her to contact the office during working hours, advising I don’t work after hours & I keep my work life and my personal life (is. Facebook) strictly separate. I think the ubiquity of social media has made people forget some basic courtesies….

    Reply ↓
  9. Another Hiring Manager*

    I’m really glad Allison’s advice included making sure the candidates are getting informed of their status in a timely fashion. When I last looked for work, most organizations ghosted me. I’ve had rejections come to me six months after I applied. Sure, you move on if you haven’t heard after a week or a follow-up, but still, it’s disrespectful of a candidate’s time and effort not to be clear and timely.

    Reply ↓
    1. HailRobonia*

      A few years ago I had a few rounds of interviews for a job that went great… they told me they would be in touch “in the near future.” You can guess what happened… dead silence from them. It was particularly galling because it was for another department in the same org that I work in.

      I reached out once after an appropriate amount of time to check in, but no response. Then shortly after that I got another position and gleefully contacted them to let them know I got another job and withdraw my candidacy (by then I assumed I was never gonna get the job but wanted to gently call them out on their lack of responsiveness).

      Reply ↓
    2. Mx. Snuffleupagus*

      I haven’t applied to any jobs since December, when I got the offer for my current job — I’m literally still getting rejections now for jobs I applied to in October and November. When it’s that late, I’d honestly prefer not to get any response.

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    3. Jasmine Clark*

      I was going to comment the same thing. I totally understand that it’s annoying to receive tons of messages from job candidates, and what they are doing is inappropriate, but at the same time, the reason they feel so desperate is that companies often ghost candidates. It’s hard to just send applications and wait forever and ever just to receive no response, or a response that doesn’t come for a long time. Companies need to rethink the way they treat job candidates.

      Reply ↓
  10. Anyone else?*

    My university career center consistently told all of us undergrads (2015-2020, private research university) that we needed to connect on LinkedIn with every recruiter or interviewer we ever ran into if we wanted a chance at getting a job.

    Of course they never endorsed harassment, and the “thank you” email is great advice for after you have an interview or meet someone at a career fair, but when I heard someone say that reaching out to people on LinkedIn that you met once about a job was a gimmick, it made me start to question what I was told.

    Reply ↓
    1. LaminarFlow*

      I’m a hiring manager in Big Tech. My advice is somewhat aligned with what you received from your university career center. I don’t think that landing a job requires connecting with every single recruiter or hiring manager you meet at a job fair.

      Do a little research on LinkedIn/the internet in general, and find out who is a good person to reach out to at a company you want to work for – someone within the org/dept that you are seeking a role within, but probably not the Director. Send them a brief note and request for connection. If they seem receptive to your request, ask them if they would mind having a 15 min virtual coffee chat with you. If they accept, make it easy for them by setting everything up, and asking a couple of good questions. IDK where this will land anyone, but I have had success with it on both sides of the hiring coin.

      Overall, be careful and targeted with who you are reaching out to. The CFO of a Fortune 500 isn’t likely to have time or energy to respond to these types of messages, and someone who works in graphic design at a gigantic company probably has no influence in the analytics org. Also, only do this on LinkedIn or other professional networking site, and don’t take it personally if people don’t respond at all.

      Reply ↓
    2. Lisa*

      There’s a big difference between reaching out on LinkedIn (which is explicitly meant for that kind of thing) and tracking people down on other social media. DMing someone you barely know about a job they may or may not be involved with is also different than connecting with a recruiter. Handling LinkedIn messages is part of a recruiter’s job.

      Reply ↓
  11. Guest*

    If I were in a hiring position and people pulled this on me, they’d be told to contact me through work or their applications would no longer be considered.

    Reply ↓
  12. Stuart Foote*

    I don’t have any great advice for the letter writer, but the oddest job related social media encounter I’ve had lately was the hiring manager who found my Facebook account, added me as a friend, but simultaneously told the recruiter working on the role not to move forward with my application.

    Reply ↓
  13. James*

    On the pumping question, a European perspective from me: here it would be far less likely to be squeamishness than it would be colleagues giving the writer space. In other words, not their embarrassment so much as them worrying about any embarrassment she has. In a European situation, the solution would be to do what she’s rightly doing already, announcing that she’s pumping and being clearly unembarrassed about it, and everybody else would fall in line behind that pretty quickly. But I think we Europeans are generally far less embarrassed/squeamish about the natural and normal uses of those bits than many Americans appear to be. In an American context, yeah, Alison has it right as usual: LW shouldn’t *have* to use circumlocutions, but if she must, she must. But speaking as a man: we men, the world over, need to get over this squeamishness nonsense!

    Reply ↓
    1. No Tribble At All*

      Yes, I was thinking that and also “well I don’t want to make my coworker uncomfortable by talking about her BOOBS”

      Reply ↓
    2. Judge Judy and Executioner*

      In the US, the “Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA) requires employers to provide reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for one year after the child’s birth each time such employee has need to express the milk. Employees are entitled to a place to pump at work, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public.” https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/pump-at-work

      Companies with more than 50 employees are required to follow the FLSA, but the reality is many do not. One company I used to work at had a lovely room in the corporate office for nursing moms, but no space was at the production facility. It wasn’t a space issue; there were dozens of empty offices. It took getting the legal department involved for the company to follow the law, and even then, they were dragging their feet. Finally, a VP (one not native to the US), realized how ridiculous the company was being and approved expenses up to 1000 for the pumping room. Costs of the pumping room included a lock, a sign, a chair, a fridge, covering windows, and ensuring access to a sink/running water, which came in under budget.

      Reply ↓
  14. BellStell*

    I post most of the jobs my org has open – we work in 50 countries. Once in a while, I get a LinkedIn email asking me about who the hiring manager is, how to apply, etc. I have a standard reply, which is: Thanks for reaching out and your interest in our organization. I am not the hiring manager and we cannot give out that info. It is best to apply online in the system, thanks so much.” And I have never had pushback on this. I also do not have other social media so that helps me too.

    Reply ↓
  15. Meow*

    I truly feel for #2. I work in a field where I am almost always the only woman on my team, and after I had my first baby, I was actually terrified to go back to the office because I had a horrible boss who I didn’t feel comfortable talking about personal things to, and all male coworkers that I didn’t really have a close relationship with. I asked for advise online and from people IRL and no one seemed to understand what the problem was. I know I shouldn’t have cared what they thought, but I’m shy about stuff like that! Fortunately for that particular problem, Covid happened, and I was able to stay home till my baby ate enough solids I didn’t need to pump.

    My second baby has been a lot better because I have a boss I feel comfortable with. But he still looked supremely uncomfortable when I talked to him about pumping accommodations before I left on maternity leave. I just try to schedule my pumping breaks between meetings and don’t bother telling anyone where I am – they should be able to figure it out, and I’m not gone that long. If I’m stuck, I just excuse myself with, “I have to leave now, but let me know if you need anything else from me!”

    Reply ↓
    1. Judge Judy and Executioner*

      If you are in the US and your company employs more than 50 people, your ability to pump is protected by the Fair Labor Standards Act – https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/pump-at-work

      I’m sorry your boss and colleagues have been weird about this. Pumping at work is a very normal thing, and adults should be able to handle the knowledge that this is a thing people need to do. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case, and it’s compounded when companies choose to ignore or not follow the PUMP Act.

      Reply ↓
      1. Meow*

        I appreciate the PSA – I was well aware of my rights, and in fact, my previous boss had reserved an empty office for me, but he was let go, and my new boss was a misogynist who for some reason immediately hated me before he even met me in person. It’s one of those things where it’s maybe a slightly awkward conversation with a boss who is supportive, but was super intimidating toward a boss who was a jerk (not to mention was looking for any tiny excuse to fire me).

        But my new job has a dedicated mothers room with comfy chairs, nursing stools, lockers, a sink, a mini fridge, and privacy curtains in case more than one person needs to use it at once. It’s also double locked with a key and a passcode, so the only people who can get in are other nursing mothers and custodians. I can’t begin to describe how big of a relief all that was, not having to worry about washing stuff, discretely hiding my milk in the fridge, or people walking in on me.

        Reply ↓
  16. IWentHojo*

    I do worry for LW#4 because it feels like that kind of lack of engagement can be harmful for her growth at the company. If she really doesn’t have any coworkers that are interested, the predecessor in the role had a similar experience, and her own boss (!) isn’t even showing enthusiasm; that doesn’t bode well for performance management and individual growth at that company, not matter how integral the project.

    Reply ↓
    1. Paint N Drip*

      that letter bothers me! how strange – I assume there MUST be some interpersonal or historical context about why a whole role (department?) is apparently ignored. I was trying to find the original letter and could not locate it, but I desperately want more details

      Reply ↓
      1. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

        I also searched hard and couldn’t find the original. The search page even shows results on “Page 493 of 1526 – Ask a Manager” and “Page 512 of 1545 – Ask a Manager”.

        I’m adding a live link to this reply so that Alison sees it because maybe there’s an archive issue. (It’s a terrific cover of a Raffi song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFmzNtpWCQM.)

        Reply ↓
        2. Hlao-roo*

          The letter-writer commented once as “Moonbase Alpha” (comment copy/pasted here):

          I am the OP. You have sort of read my mind on mentally reframing the situation. I’m disappointed that they are so disinterested in the nuts and bolts of this project, because I think they have let the scope of the project creep out of control. I went into the job thinking I would learn the ropes for the first year, doing things the current way they are done, and then suggest ways to streamline and improve the process. Since they aren’t interested in how it’s being done now (just that it gets done), they haven’t so far shown any interest in improving the process, which means… well, I don’t know how long I can stick around because it’s just a hair short of overwhelming. (I am only able to soldier on without feedback because I have been around the block a few times and have learned not to panic.) I think there is poor communication in this quite congenial family business, and they just don’t have any idea of how massive this midyear project has become. “Unsustainable” is a good word for it.

          Not a lot of insight into why they were so ignored, unfortunately.

          Reply ↓
          1. Reading Rainbow*

            Man I want an update for this one, because I want to know what the heck was going on with everyone.

            Reply ↓
      2. Shipbuilding Techniques*

        Me too!! One can just imagine the iceberg of past happenings that may explain what is going on.

        Reply ↓
    2. Meow*

      I had a job just like that for 7 years. It was better for a while when I had a boss who liked me and saw the importance of my work, but otherwise, I was always the bottom of the priority list and the first budget to get slashed. I had to train my coworkers in systems they had no desire to use. It really did a number on my self esteem, and part of the reason I stayed so long was because I didn’t know how to write a resume about a position where I felt like I had zero accomplishments.

      Reply ↓
    3. I AM a Lawyer*

      I wonder what’s going on there. It seems that they are very deliberately demonstrating that they don’t want to hear about her project. It’s odd.

      Reply ↓
    4. Love me, love my cat*

      Find another job, give no notice. On what you know is your last day, pack up your stuff and leave. If anyone questions you, just say, “Since when have you wanted an update on what I’m doing?” Give a jaunty wave on your way out the door.
      Seriously, don’t do this. But one can dream…

      Reply ↓
    5. Generic Name*

      I assumed it was a project related to quality, safety, or environmental, which people seem to look down on/think is unnecessary/stupid. Especially since the predecessor felt ignored too.

      Reply ↓
  17. Rocket Raccoon*

    I found that among the male-blue-collar crowd, dairy jokes got me a long way with the pumping thing. “Sorry, give me 15 minutes to hit the milking parlor” was way more comfortable than “I have to go pump”. Why, I do not know. Maybe because I live in an agricultural area? But men just didn’t mind references to milking cows and I don’t mind associating myself with them.

    Reply ↓
  18. Strive to Excel*

    I know this is an old letter, but for folks who are finding that people are scheduling meetings during time they need away (lunch, pumping, phone calls, etc) – schedule it as a meeting yourself. This works best if your organization uses Outlook or another centralized calendar software, but can work in most contexts. Make yourself a meeting and mark it up with the strongest “not going to be here” markers the software has so that if someone tries to schedule you they’ll get an alert that you aren’t available.

    Reply ↓
  19. Dido*

    It sounds like LW4’s work doesn’t intersect with her colleagues’ work, so they don’t need project updates from her

    Reply ↓
    1. Lenora Rose*

      If what she’s doing is actually supporting the business and necessary, even if disconnected from the regular group processes, and she’s working at 150% trying to keep it afloat, then maybe no, it shouldn’t be a part of the project updates, but *someone* needs to be offering her some kind of support. Right now even her own boss doesn’t seem to care — and presumably her boss knows why the work is needed.

      Alteratively, maybe her work isn’t exciting but if it fails/disappears, other peoples’ projects will also falter. But they only notice the invisible labour if it vanishes, which is why people who do it get no recognition for helping other teams, but the business still needs the role filled.

      Honestly, right now I can think of way more jobs that fit with the second than I can jobs where, per the writer, “what I’m doing for the company at this time of year is central to our mission” but somehow don’t connect at all to anyone else’s job.

      Reply ↓
  20. It's Marie - Not Maria*

    As an HR Director who actually READS EVERY RESUME we receive, and who effectively communicates with candidates, I very much dislike people reaching out to me about our posted positions on my personal social media – other than LinkedIn. I have an unusual last name, so I am relatively easy to find on social media. The company has processes in place, and we respond to every applicant, whether we are moving forward in the process with them or not. Reaching out to me outside our normally channels is not part of our process, and isn’t doing you any kind of favors.

    I know the market is really tight right now, and people want to try anything which they think might give them an edge. I understand the temptation to stand out by getting your name in front of the Hiring Manager by more than just applying. Unfortunately, this may only serve to remove you from consideration for many Hiring Managers. Sadly, it’s another bad piece of job-hunting advice being shared on social media.

    Reply ↓
    1. Another Hiring Manager*

      A lot of the job hunting advice out there is decades old. It makes me cringe sometimes.

      I read every resume that comes to me and stay in touch with candidates. It took me less than five minutes to create an Outlook template and it takes me about a minute to personalize it when I send it out.

      Reply ↓
  21. Ann O'Nemity*

    #3 – Buy the Shirt

    I wish it was as easy as just saying no. But in my experiences, some workplaces really pressure participation, especially when it involvement management. If your office has a strong culture of social pressure, and you’ve already seen people face consequences for opting out of these things, you may need to assess the risk. Ask yourself, what’s the cost of saying no?

    Reply ↓
    1. HonorBox*

      Yeah. It is probably worth the $15-$20 for the office goodwill. If your office is close enough that taking this photo to support a co-worker’s wife, your absence will be more likely be noted and the cost may be higher in the long run.

      Reply ↓
  22. Festively Dressed Earl*

    Alison’s response is kind, but if the intrusions are at this level, just say “Please do not contact me about work on my personal social media or phone.” No need to follow up with info about the application process because (a) these people already know that and (b) that’s mixing work with social media and sending a mixed message. If it were me and someone started harassing my spouse or friends about my personal contact info, I’d tell them to say “Earl has asked me not to give out that info” with an optional “She’s had too many candidates torpedoing their chances by disregarding boundaries.”

    Reply ↓
  23. HonorBox*

    Re: Letter 1 – I get that a personal connection absolutely helps you stand out in a competitive job market. But the key is a personal connection. A person you know who also knows the decision maker and can speak to your work; A good question about the role asked via messaging on LinkedIn even works; Heck, a good and pertinent question emailed to the hiring manager could be helpful.

    If you are in the job market and are trying to send messages via personal social media, that’s a bit too far. Also, depending on the settings and how someone uses social media, there’s no guarantee that they’ll see it. I’d probably choose not to respond at all if someone hit up my HonorBox page on Facebook or Instagram.

    If you’re a stranger and looked up Mrs. HonorBox and reached out to her. Or if you hit up a former colleague looking for my contact information, there’s an almost 0% chance that your application will be reviewed favorably, because none of them are involved and none of them have any sort of input to the process or knowledge of who you are.

    Reply ↓
  24. cactus lady*

    I have been seeing a LOT of LinkedIn posts about how “applying through the system isn’t enough in this job market! You need to reach out personally!” It’s so cringey, but also I think it speaks to how awful the current job market is.

    Reply ↓
  25. Ess Ess*

    I’ve always felt any discussion of body fluids is too much TMI for the office. This includes (but not limited to) bleeding, snot, peeing, diarrhea, throwing up, and even pumping. It’s good enough to say you have a time conflict and need to step away for X period of time. No one needs the details of what you are doing.

    Reply ↓
    1. CoffeeTime*

      Saying “I have to go pump” isn’t a ‘discussion’ of bodily fluids any more than saying “can you pass me the tissues?”or “bless you” after someone sneezes, “I had a stomach bug” when someone was ill with diarrhea or vomiting, or “I have to grab a bandaid” when someone is bleeding.

      Reply ↓
      1. Mango Tango*

        Even Big 4 consultants (who won’t take a sip of water on camera with clients) will use the term “bio break”

        Reply ↓
    2. MigraineMonth*

      Only one of those “body fluids” is hygienic, nutritious baby food. It’s fine to talk about formula, Gerber’s and breast milk in the office, and the room set aside for pumping can just be called the pumping room.

      Reply ↓
    3. Taketombo*

      I used to work in an office where there were two tables in the lactation room and you had to sign up for 30 minute blocks 2 weeks in advance (paper went up 8am on Monday. Sometimes there was a line).

      I had all kinds of issues and needed to either breastfeed or pump when I was signed up. It was a lot more like a doctors appointment than “lunch” or “coffee.”

      And while I could say “I have a hard stop” it was an environment where it was safe to be open about it so “I have a 2:00 at the mothers room” was immediately understood as unmovable by everyone who had ever tried to use it.

      Reply ↓
  26. Insert Pun Here*

    I have social media in my professional persona only — not uncommon for folks who work in media. And, interestingly, I NEVER get these kinds of messages, even when I post job openings at my org. I think there is something about people thinking they’ve found a shortcut or a secret way to getting a job or something that is really appealing somehow. (Or maybe people just don’t want to talk to me for whatever reason, which is more than fine!!)

    Reply ↓
  27. SometimesCharlotte*

    Back in the early 90s, I had a manager who came from a sales background and he told a story about running an ad for a sales rep and the ad had instructions about mailing resume, etc and said specifically “no calls.” He was the hiring manager but his name and contact information was not on the ad. He got a phone call from an applicant. He asks the applicant why are you calling me when the ad said no calls. The applicant said that he wanted to show him how good he did at getting to the decision maker. My manager told him that he also wants people who are good at following directions and pulled him from consideration.

    Reply ↓
  28. I'm so old I'm historic*

    I’m a cancer survivor, and I would not want someone to buy a Tshirt for a photo op. I have a couple of alternatives for you-instead of wearing a Tshirt, why don’t you hold up a sign with a message to the person (“Camilla-we’re rooting for you!” or similar)? That would mean more to me than a Tshirt. Also, some friends of mine got together and made a video of them telling me silly jokes to make me laugh. I still watch that video years later.

    Reply ↓
  29. DJ*

    LW#2
    Can you schedule in your pumping times to avoid meeting/scheduling conflicts. Then you can I won’t be available for X minutes when going into the room if you need to say anything at all.

    Reply ↓
    1. Generic Name*

      You really can’t. A person’s body adjusts to the frequency and timing of pumping/baby feeding, and you need to express milk/feed the baby at regular intervals. So it’s really not possible to look at your daily schedule and move around your pumping time to squeeze in between meetings. Not pumping/feeding when you need to can lead to an infection called mastitis that can become life-threatening.

      Reply ↓
    2. Massive Dynamic*

      That’s usually not possible. When I pumped, it was three 45-min time blocks at specific points in the day, that could not be moved because I was sharing a room with others and to miss one of my pumps meant extreme discomfort and possible infection. So those pumps went on the calendar and then everything else for work had to adjust around those times. No I wasn’t “announcing my bodily fluids” or whatever other phrasing sets off the tender of heart, but I tell you what, there were So Many Times that I had to educate people about 1. why I had meetings when I did and 2. why they were not able to be moved. I never shared more than I had to, but man, people are ignorant as hell about it. Pumping should be talked about alongside sex education in middle school.

      Reply ↓
  30. CHRISTOPHER FRANKLIN*

    Ooh, I realize I am all over the map with the breast pumping since it is all wrapped up in contradictions. Breast pumping is a natural function (as is fecal elimination) and neither are anything to be ashamed of. However, I suggest that as a basic rule, anything that must be done in private requires a certain discretion in discussing in public otherwise just get the pump, open the blouse start pumping and continue talking to your co worker if this isn’t anything that requires privacy and discretion. I agree we should normalize breast feeding for those who would want to much as we should normalize other normal body functions (no one wants to work with a co worker with constipation or intestinal gas); I am not sure we want to discuss the mechanics.

    Reply ↓
    1. JustEm*

      Sure, but saying “I need to go pump” isn’t discussing the mechanics any more than “I need to use the restroom” is discussing the mechanics of what happens there.

      Reply ↓
      1. MigraineMonth*

        Nor is putting milk in the refrigerator, which is a necessary part of the process that seems to unnerve her coworkers.

        Reply ↓
      2. CHRISTOPHER FRANKLIN*

        I think I would be just as uncomfortable with an employee saying “I need to go pump” in discussing their restroom mechanics as I would if they were discussing expressing milk. It is a literal discussion of mechanics i.e. a pump as opposed to “Mother’s milk time, I need to go but I will be back in 20 minutes” but all of it seems a bit precious. Most of my work life was in a parasite lab where discussing stool samples and smells was common place so I am a bit jaded.

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    2. Ellis Bell*

      I think some people have runaway imaginations. If I tell you I need to stop off at first aid, visit the ladies room, grab a tissue, get something to eat, or go pump, that is not “discussion” or imagery of bodily needs. If it’s not possible to just ignore it, pretend they’re saying they need to grab a bicycle pump. Sure, OP can try saying she has a conflict but they’re going to ask her what it is anyway.

      Reply ↓
    3. Seriously*

      This is exhausting. Comparing pumping breast milk to fecal elimination is offensive. Pumping breast milk is not and will never be equal to urination or bowel movements. She’s expressing her infants food source. She isn’t discussing the mechanics, she’s making a factual statement. And I suggest as a basic rule, to mind your own beeswax.

      Reply ↓
    4. Dinwar*

      “…I suggest that as a basic rule, anything that must be done in private requires a certain discretion in discussing in public…”

      The issue here is specifically how much “certain” means. For my part, I’m perfectly comfortable discussing this in detail–and it’d be about as titillating as a car’s maintenance manual. We are going to get into the details of fluid mechanics in small flexible tubes, and the issue of antibodies surviving gastric juices! Echidna will be involved in this discussion.

      More seriously: The problem is that throughout history this sort of thing–“Keep it private, you don’t discuss that in polite company”–has been used to silence women. And this is not without serious consequences. For example, women’s discomfort and pain is still routinely dismissed by doctors, in part because people didn’t discuss such things in the past so ALL of our medical studies are overwhelmingly on men, with women treated as just deformed men. To be clear, people are still literally dying because of this. Similarly, the need to “keep this private” has been a not-insignificant justification for discrimination against women in the workforce–after all, it’s a biological need to express milk in a mother (not just because her baby needs it, but because it’s physically necessary for the mother), and if you push the term “certain discretion” far enough suddenly you’re saying “If you’re nursing you shouldn’t be at work.”

      No, I’m not saying YOU are saying this. I’m sure you’re a lovely person. But there is a very strong element in our society that absolutely would take that idea and push it in the direction of oppression.

      The solution is simple: Embrace it. Lactation is no different from sweating, eating, or drinking. You would, I’m certain, consider it absolutely ridiculous to tell someone “Eating is a natural function, and nothing to be ashamed of, but I suggest that it be done in private and a certain discretion exercised in discussing it in public.” Likewise, something as natural, normal, and uncontroversial among rational people as FEEDING A CHILD should be accepted as a normal part of the human experience–and anyone who has a problem with it should feel uncomfortable, because they are, objectively, wrong.

      TL;DR: Due to past and continued use of this line of reasoning to oppress women, many–including, I hope it’s clear, me–take the view that we’re no longer going to be concerned about the delicate feelings of wanna-be oppressors and are going to accept normal human processes as part of life.

      Reply ↓
      2. CHRISTOPHER FRANKLIN*

        As I mentioned, I worked in a parasite lab (a bit of tropical medicine) where it wasn’t uncommon to discuss a lot of topics that people are squeamish about. I should add that as a Black researcher in tropical medicine, I am keenly aware of how language and imagery are often used as subtle oppressive elements (think about the term “Third World” for example). I actually once got into trouble because I provided a chaste cartoon of Michelangelo”s David for the body in a parasite life cycle (they had no problem with nude images of Africans on the poster) because it was deemed improper. I am not arguing against saying that you are going to pump your breasts; your coworkers are aware that you have you are anatomically complete. I am saying that we shouldn’t be coy and say that it is proper to act like workers don’t have breasts or colons or intestines. These language games remind of Audre Lorde’s great quote: “For the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.”

        Reply ↓
  31. Still Surviving*

    LW3: I know these letters are old, but let this be my plea to everyone in a similar situation to pool that $15-20 that everyone is willing to put toward a t-shirt and put it toward a cleaning lady, wig shop gift certificate, or oncology massage therapist. These are the things I actually wanted/ needed, and they would have been a way more valued expression of love and support than another stupid pink t-shirt or teddy bear.

    Reply ↓
  32. Raida*

    I would create a template to copy and paste to people
    We have a hiring process, I do not provide additional preference to anyone contacting me via other channels.
    I especially do not provide additional preference to anyone who I’ve never met before contacting coworkers or family members to get my personal contact details.
    The volume of direct messages has now made my LinkedIn, etc, etc unusable for purpose 1, purpose 2, purpose 3.
    All applications will go through the company’s channels and processes, thank-you for respecting this distinction and not continuing to message me directly.

    Reply ↓
    1. Raida*

      Then if anyone responds to *that* with anything immature, I’d keep a note of their details as a “vibe check” during shortlisting in case their name comes up.

      Reply ↓
  33. just some guy*

    #3: I think the “manager” element makes this one a bit more problematic. It’s not quite “gifts flowing uphill” but with staff being pressured to spend money on something for the benefit of a manager’s family, it’s not a million miles off, even if that “benefit” is questionable and intangible.

    Would they be prepared to do something similar every time an employee’s partner was in a similar situation? (Though hopefully with the money being spent on something more useful.) If no, that’s a problem.

    Reply ↓

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