weekend open thread – March 22-23, 2025

by Alison Green on March 21, 2025

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: Real Americans, by Rachel Khong. This is an epic family saga told in three generations: a pair of scientists who fled China’s Cultural Revolution, their daughter, and the son she has in America with the wealthy heir to a pharmaceutical company, whose business is intertwined with her parents in ways she learns of only later.  (Amazon, Bookshop)

* I earn a commission if you use those links.

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  1. Ali + Nino*

    Any makeup recommendations for dark under eye circles? I’m in my mid-30s, have always had them, and they are only getting worse. I’ve been looking on youtube but all the recs require lots of products and I want something fast and easy on a pharmacy budget.

    Reply ↓
    1. theinone*

      I generally only do my makeup for colorguard, but for those 4am call times and the drum corps season, I generally do my regular foundation, then concealer to counteract the darkness that’s still visible, then I have a nude eyeshadow palette that I do a little of the lightest shade under my eyes like a highlighter, almost.

      I use almost exclusively drugstore makeup, so the foundation is Wet n Wild photo focus (under 10$), the concealer is a Maybelline one I got like four years ago, the eyeshadow is the Wet n Wild Color Icon palette in Nude Awakening.

      It works for performance makeup where the look is more important at a distance, anyway. Might not look as good up close. The eyeshadow is lightly glittery so maybe skip that step and use some form of pressed powder.

      Reply ↓
    2. Double A*

      Yes, the Maybelline instant rewind eraser. I first bought it because it was recommended for “mature” skin because stuff starts to look cakey as you get older. It blends really well. It works great and is readily available in drugstores.

      Reply ↓
    3. RLC*

      I use two shades of concealer: first a warm peachy tone (the “corrector”) on the dark circles and set it a with a miniscule bit of my regular loose powder applied with a tiny fluffy eyeshadow blending brush; follow with concealer a smidge lighter than my foundation; then foundation over that and set as usual. For shade inspiration you could browse the webpages of major cosmetic companies, look for “color correctors” and see what shade of corrector is recommended for your skin tone, then look for a similar shade in a pharmacy brand. (They may not label it as a “corrector”; but one person’s perfect “concealer” shade match is a “corrector” for another skin tone.)
      Key to successful results is avoiding accidentally blending the corrector shade with the concealer shade.
      If I don’t have time or inclination for this routine, I’ve found that Pacifica’s “Dreamlit Glow” concealer provides very full coverage on its own. Unfortunately very limited shade range.

      Reply ↓
    4. Tha Panda*

      Lancome Effacernes – but omg I no longer see it on their home page so am going on a quest to stock up! Has been my go to product for many years, it doesn’t dry out the skin as much as Maybelline.

      Reply ↓
  2. old curmudgeon*

    Alison, how long did you have to wait to get that four-deep bunkbed photo?? They’re adorable (of course!), but it must have taken ages to get four of the clowder posed that way, plus three of them actually looking at the camera!

    That sets my weekend up on a terrific note – thank you!

    Reply ↓
  3. My own worst frenemy*

    hey fellow francophones. I am looking for your french podcast recommendations (available on Spotify) – I consider myself pretty fluent but will be traveling to a francophone country for the first time in years and want to brush up. please no news or politics. Merci bcp!

    Reply ↓
    1. Teapot Translator*

      Is the country you’re traveling to Canada (French part)? I ask because I have a recommendation, but it’s no use if you’re going to Europe. The accent is quite different.

      Reply ↓
      2. Weekend Warrior*

        Since I’m all over these replies…just wanted to say that I saw a bus ad today for Québec City and Québec in general with the tagline “L’accent d’Amérique”. C’est vrai!

        Reply ↓
    2. Weekend Warrior*

      Searching for “les meilleurs podcasts” will find you Franch and other European podcasts; in Canada the term is “balado” or “balados”. :) Whew – there’s a lot to choose from!

      Reply ↓
    4. K*

      No specific recommendations for the moment (at least respecting your no politics request) but I tend to enjoy browsing in the Radio France app as you can listen to specific stations live as well as browse “podcasts du moment”.

      Reply ↓
    2. CheeseFrog*

      My kiddo got me the green countertop cheese grater I had seen on YouTube short videos and it’s just ridiculous fun. So far, it works well and for some reason it feels like playing with an easy bake oven type toy. It’s a real kitchen tool and does what is necessary but it is green and kinda looks like a big mouth frog from certain angles and it just makes me giggle while food prepping.

      Reply ↓
    3. goddessoftransitory*

      It hasn’t happened yet but making a pastitsio for dinner this week! So yummy and I don’t make it often.

      Reply ↓
    4. Frieda*

      We had a blizzard which meant I got to go snowshoeing twice! Once the weather was actually great – sunny and clear.

      Reply ↓
    5. But what to call me?*

      I successfully wrote an action scene in the sci-fi story I’m writing! (for fun, not work). Usually I struggle with anything beyond disembodied voices talking into a void.

      Reply ↓
    6. Elizabeth West*

      My Christmas cactus is blooming AGAIN! He bloomed once all over, and then I repotted him and the Easter cactus in bigger containers. They both looked much perkier afterward. He must be happy in his new pot — he threw out another big flower, and now there are four buds and another big flower.

      I think he’s just showing off at this point, lol.

      Reply ↓
      1. RLC*

        I love the mental image of a plant showing off!
        We inherited a Christmas cactus a few years ago when my in-laws moved to elder care; repotted the neglected little cactus and added it to our colony of adopted houseplants. Last fall it expressed its happiness in our home with a flurry of bloom.

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    7. PurlsOfWisdom*

      I have perfected a pattern for a crochet earring that I have been working on (with many failed attempts). Now that’s out of the way I can make a pair for myself as well as for 2 of my best friends!

      Reply ↓
  5. Hypoglycemic rage (she/her)*

    Hi! Does anyone have any favorite Aldi snacks for a type 2 diabetic?

    I got my A1C checked today and I have not gotten the results yet but I know it’s not gonna be as good as it was in the fall (6.1). I haven’t walked as much as I did then – I get a little over 10,000 steps on the weekdays but most of that is just walking around the office I work at.

    I’m not on any medication and I don’t track what I eat. I am a little overweight and I’m sure my doctor would love to put me on medication (that’s the first thing he suggested when I got diagnosed, he said he prob couldn’t get me on it for weight loss but would have better success for diabetics) but my dietician and I don’t want that. But I do really try and watch what I eat – not perfect but definitely better. I try and limit my carbs to 30-45 per meal, and under 15 max for snacks. If I go over I try and balance as much as I can.

    Anyway I do most of my shopping at Aldi!

    Reply ↓
    1. RagingADHD*

      Shelled pistachios or pepitas are my go tos. They also help boost your magnesium, which is important if you’re limiting carbs.

      Reply ↓
    2. Type 1*

      Hi there. While I’m type 1, the advice still applies: eat a snack of protein, maybe some fat. I eat cheese, for example, or peanut butter. The combo of protein with a little fat keeps you fuller longer.

      Reply ↓
    3. Banana Pyjamas*

      Those are the same guidelines our family follows. No tips for Aldi, but FYI the Trim Healthy Mama plan follows that pretty closely. The starter book gets you the info you need, and misses most of the Christianity and gender essentialism. There ARE large, online communities for the plan, but I’m not in any since I really didn’t want to deal with diet culture, fundies, or gender bs.

      Reply ↓
  7. ThatGirl*

    Our house is 30 years old and we’ve needed new floors forever. I would also really like to update the kitchen in general. So I’m now looking at renovators in the area and setting up consultations.

    I’m curious if any of you have done a full cosmetic facelift (floors, cabinets, countertops) in the last few years and how much it ran you. I was hopeful we could keep it under $50k but I’m not sure if that’s realistic.

    Reply ↓
    1. Former Local*

      We recently did a big remodel of all the bathrooms and kitchen in our new house (last renovated in the 90s). one of the things we did I highly recommend is we did Ikea cabinet boxes and then custom cabinet doors and panels. it was about half the cost of doing a fully custom kitchen!

      Reply ↓
      1. fallingleavesofnovember*

        This is what we are looking at doing (but also part of a bigger reno + I’m not in the US so I can’t really give you numbers…) the IKEA kitchen planner is also pretty good and will give you a price for everything you select (obviously if you don’t go with their appliances, or do custom doors that will be a bit off but it could give you a general idea)

        Reply ↓
    2. Sloanicota*

      My kitchen is very small (just a galley) and I did floors, cabinets, walls and some plumbing/electrical for $30K. That was more than I wanted to spend. Included new fridge, not new oven. I do think it will pay off when I sell the house because the previous kitchen was basically derelict (like, there was a hole in the floor) but it was more than I wanted to pay and if I’d known it would end up being that much, I probably would have waited, broken it up in stages, or tried to do more things myself. It was the classic “bid is reasonable, but whoops everything ends up being an add on” situation.

      Reply ↓
      1. Sloanicota*

        Should have said, very high cost of living area, and possibly a more expensive time – we were just past all that lumber shortage stuff, but maybe if I’d waited? There’s now likely to be a recession so prices may have dropped for labor …

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      2. ThatGirl*

        We are in Chicago metro so not dirt cheap but not most expensive either. I am willing to wait on little cosmetic things like paint or new pantry shelving but we’re not super handy and I’d prefer a pro do the big stuff. It will both make me happy and increase our house’s value. And thanks :)

        Reply ↓
        1. Sloanicota*

          I was definitely happy I hired a pro overall; I had no ability to hang my own cabinets or re-wire and re-plumb the wall for a dishwasher (many people do have these skills! Just not me). I would have had to strong-arm various friends into service, and I try not to do that when I am able to pay. There *were* things I could have done, like demo, tiling, painting … but honestly once you’re on the rollercoaster it seems like too small a drop in the bucket to be worth the extra effort …

          Reply ↓
    3. Poquito Gordito Pinguino*

      Also recommending Ikea! We did a kitchen cosmetic renovation (floors, paint, new cabinets, quartz counters, undercabinet lighting, etc) for about $13,000 CAD a few years ago. Got engineered hardwood floors at a big box store on a double sale (buy more save more combined with a save the tax weekend). My hubs is very handy so we saved a ton because he did all the work besides the stone counter top himself. The Ikea cabinets have held up beautifully. Ikea used to do a kitchen event every year where you got 10 percent back in gift cards (which I used for things like drawer separators and a rug). I’m not sure if they still do this but if so, its worth waiting for!

      Reply ↓
    4. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I did cabinets and counters – an L-shape on two walls of a roughly 12×12 kitchen, plus a butler’s pantry on a third wall, floor to ceiling – from IKEA for about $5k installed a few years back (including the installers removing the old stuff and taking it to the ReStore or the dump as appropriate). New sink, no appliances, and I did the painting myself. I just picked basic ikea cabinet fronts under the theory that if I wanted to replace them in a few years I could, though I did get nice handles and drawer pulls.

      We didn’t do floors at the time, but my husband’s brother installed four rooms of laminate flooring I bought at Costco for about $800 last year. (That part is probably not terribly helpful.)

      Reply ↓
    5. Not your typical admin*

      My husband and I flip houses, and my so and his friend just started doing basics renovations for us, so I have a little experience in the area. At least in our city, you could easily get it done for that much, depending on what all you want done.

      So so much depends on what materials you’re going with, and how much of your layout you’re changing. If you can avoid running extra plumbing/electric that will save you a lot.

      For materials look at overall quality. For flooring the most popular right now is luxury vinyl plank (lvp). The kind we use is waterproof, and extremely durable. One upgrade we did in our personal house was to get scratch proof. You can literally take a nail, scratch the top, and there’s no damage. We have 4 teens, and with them and their friends in the house that was a necessity.

      For countertops, granite and quartz are popular, but there’s also beautiful Formica that looks like granite, and holds up well.

      One thing I would recommend is instead of going to a big box store for everything go to a local places that specialize in each thing. You’re going to get a lot more options and better customer service. If you want a general contractor to oversee everything they’ll also have great recommendations. They know who knows that they’re doing.

      Reply ↓
      1. ThatGirl*

        We will not be moving any plumbing or electric or changing the layout + most of the appliances are fine (maybe a new fridge). I want quartz countertops but am willing to compromise if they’re stupid expensive. Floors… I like bamboo but that seems to have fallen out of favor. LVP is definitely a possibility. Anything above builder grade will be an improvement!

        Ideally I want one person to help me pick and oversee it all, but I realize there may be a premium for using a builder/remodeler.

        Reply ↓
        1. Not your typical admin*

          I love bamboo – just not familiar with how it holds up with water. My primary focus when I was picking out was durability and then looks. At least here, quartz is more expensive, but not outrageously so.

          Like I said – I would stop in a couple of local flooring or countertop places and ask who they recommend as a GC. I’ve found they tend to know the best people who aren’t outrageous, yet know what they’re doing. If you have any friends who are realtors, they probably have some good leads to. It would be worth it to me to have someone overseeing and coordinating everything since you’ll have multiple projects

          Reply ↓
      2. Strive to Excel*

        I have cats and we were concerned about potential leakage, so when we remodelled my tiny house we got the variety of vinyl plank that locks together to prevent liquids from getting under the planks. It’s very clever. I like that it has a lot of the visual appeal of wood while being a lot more moisture resistant and easy to clean. It’s also not super cold like tile. Would recommend.

        Reply ↓
  8. Bookworm*

    I’m in the US. Looking for input from those who switched from broadband internet to 5G home internet. My broadband has gotten stupidly expensive, but 5G is now more available where I live. The 5G is half the cost of broadband. I know it’s very location dependent, but I get good reception at home on my smartphone with the same 5G provider I’m considering.

    Reply ↓
    1. hummingbird*

      I switched to fiber but when I considered this, I wondered if having both my cell phone and internet service from the same provider would be a bad idea.

      Reply ↓
    2. Banana Pyjamas*

      We have ATT Internet Air, and it’s horrible. I often end up using my mobile hotspot (Verizon via Tracfone Wireless) instead. I found most 5G internet isn’t available in our area, even though cell service maps indicate 5G coverage.

      Reply ↓
    3. Clara Bowe*

      Honestly? Call your broadband provider and drop to the lowest tier they offer. Unless you and 3+ members of your fam are hardcore gaming AND streaming 24/7, I bet you don’t need the tier you have likely been grandfathered in to.

      YMMV, but I realized that the tier I had been pushed into was three tiers above the bottom tier and that the bottom tier had a 25MBPS speed. Originally, the tier I signed up for was 5mbps and they just didn’t offer that plan anymore and kept me at the same tier rather than speed. I demanded they drop me to the lowest plan, and I went from paying $60/month to $25 with a two year guarantee on price.

      If nothing else, go look at your provider’s current plan list and see if there is anything new/different! You might be surprised.

      Reply ↓
  9. Financial advising*

    How would I go about selecting a financial/investment advisor? My spouse used to do that but he died and left me clueless. I realize that this is an uncertain time for making financial decisions but I need to talk to someone who is knowledgeable, professional, impartial, will charge a fee for their time & expertise but has no incentive to steer me in any particular direction.

    Reply ↓
    1. ThatGirl*

      Look for a fiduciary, who are obligated to act in their clients’ interests – but also, ask around – see if friends or family have any local recs.

      Reply ↓
      1. Brevity*

        You can also find a fiduciary through your regular bank — for example, if you bank with Chase, you can easily set up a meeting with a JP Morgan fiduciary. (No, I am not a paid spokesperson; use any freakin’ bank you want.)

        Reply ↓
    2. Rick Tq*

      Talk to one of the investment companies or a local credit union about a financial advisor. If your company has an EAP program they may offer a referral service too. You want an advisor who is paid based on the value of the portfolio they manage, so their incentive is to make your money grow regardless of if it is stocks, bonds, or other investments.

      I agree you should ask your friends but don’t be afraid to say someone isn’t right for you after you speak to them.

      Reply ↓
    3. Pentapus*

      this is definitely a situation where you want to talk to several people and get a feel for their advice, how well they listen to you etc.

      Reply ↓
    4. Busy Middle Manager*

      who is your biggest brokerage account with? Start there. I just looked on Schwab (where my account is) and it’s almost too easy. Too many options, they have a page for everything. I’ve done there click-through menus to set up a CD/bond ladder. Looks like they have similar things for stocks and a contact for where you enter how much you have + what your goal is

      Also if you’re unaware, you can buy bond funds like you do a stock (BND and TLT being the most popular). Buy those, SPY (SP500 fund), VTI (total stock find) and VXUS (international fund) and you got a full portfolio without needing an adviser. Just an idea. Of course I like some other funds like VPU (utility fund for income)

      Reply ↓
  10. goddessoftransitory*

    Fun literary question of the week:

    What two books seem joined in your brain, no matter how different they are style or story wise?

    I just finished Mona Acts Out, by Mischa Berlinski, which has as a plot element #metoo and a powerful man getting called out. It’s very well written and makes me want to dive back into my Riverside Shakespeare (the main character is an actor preparing to play Cleopatra.)

    It’s different in almost every way, but the whole time I was reading I was mentally hooking it to Tara French’s The Witch Elm. In many ways the books are fun house mirror reflections–both deal with #metoo, both have main characters wrestling with what it means to be “predatory.” The former has a female lead character written by a male author, the latter a male lead by a female author.

    What books remind you specifically of other books and make you pair them mentally?

    Reply ↓
    1. Dark Macadamia*

      Poisonwood Bible and Life of Pi, because they were some of the first “grown up” books I read as a teenager, around the same time.

      Reply ↓
    2. Not A Manager*

      Chronicles of Narnia and Prydain Chronicles because they are wonderful imaginary worlds and I read them at about the same time.

      Reply ↓
    3. Chaordic One*

      Two Books that I somehow got mixed up in my mind are “Cleaving” by Julie Powell and “Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail” by Cheryl Strayed. Memoirs by two strong independent women, but not really that much in common other than coming out within a few years of each other.

      Reply ↓
  11. Dark Macadamia*

    Poisonwood Bible and Life of Pi, because they were some of the first “grown up” books I read as a teenager, around the same time.

    Reply ↓
  12. Busy Middle Manager*

    Has anyone seen Jefferson Fisher’s videos? He has his own channel but has been doing all of the big podcasts lately, like Mel Robbins, and is being peddled as some new groundbreaking communications expert.

    I’m dying for others’ opinions because I find his points of view so wrong, but everyone is fawning over him in every comment section!

    An underlying theme in his videos is to deescalate situations and pause a lot and breathe before speaking, and to ignore people who are being perceived as disrespectful. He cares a lot about demanding respect. Thousands of comments say these are the most brilliant points ever.

    I find it kind of condescending in practice. I had a coworker like him in practice and he used to drive me nuts. He thought he had this brilliant handle on owning situations, but he ended up as coming across smug and not reading the room. For example, maybe someone is frantic because there is an emergency, so “deescalating” could actually be causing more tension

    I also wonder if there is a class element, where his tips work better in upper class areas? Or just pretty privilege (some pictures of him look like AI since his face is so symmetrical :-/)

    Reply ↓
    1. Annie*

      Not Jefferson Fisher specifically but I’m familiar with another communications “expert” who sounds amazing if that’s the first such expert you encountered, but who turns out to be less so if you look into their background. That background is supposedly where the expert insight comes from, but the background doesn’t seem like one that would provide it. A major “hook” is claiming credit for certain sales tactics being nowhere then suddenly everywhere. Another one is claiming individual credit for terms that had been coined long before he even got his first podcast appearance, e.g. “I call it fogging” vs. “Therapists call it fogging” or “This behavior is known as fogging”.

      At least Jefferson Fisher can honestly claim his communication skills were honed by his experiences as a lawyer.

      Unfortunately, many podcasts run on “don’t let the facts get in the way of a good conversation”. It’s also difficult to account for every “but sometimes!” situation when giving advice, to the point where “N signs someone is X” listicles should be taken as risk factors, not signs or symptoms.

      Reply ↓
  13. Jackalope*

    Reading thread! Share what you’ve been reading and give or request recs.

    I’ve been working through The Bright Ages by David Perry and Matthew Gabriele. I’m enjoying it, but somehow the info isn’t sticking with me. It’s a history of the Middle Ages but looking at them as a time when a lot of awesome things happened rather than being dark and terrible.

    Reply ↓
    1. goddessoftransitory*

      Oh, I’ve wanted to read that forever!

      I just finished Mona Acts Out, which I enjoyed mainly through my lens as a former theater rat and dreaming of playing all the Big Roles in Shakespeare. It’s really well written and paced properly so you don’t get impatient or feel like something important has been skipped.

      I just now started–like today–Butter, by Asako Yuzuki. I like it so far, but the two main characters have super similar names and I have trouble figuring out who’s who. And…

      The story is fiction, but hinges on a real life serial killer case in Japan in which a woman met, married, and killed several lonely heart type older men, mainly through her gourmet cooking. Which is fine, but I’m like eleven pages in and already this woman is being critiqued mainly in terms of her weight and how “huge” she is. She is 154 pounds, which is a weight I don’t even bother dreaming of trying to achieve. The point is to delve into misogyny and fatphobia in Japanese culture, but man.

      Reply ↓
    2. ThatGirl*

      Just finished Woodworking by Emily St James, whose career I’ve followed for awhile. It’s her first novel and it was great.

      Reply ↓
    3. Dark Macadamia*

      I’m reading Long Bright River and finding it pretty meh. I loved God of the Woods and I’ve seen a lot of people say they enjoyed this one as much or more, but I knew going in that the premise didn’t really appeal to me and I was hoping I’d get into it anyway. I’m not abandoning it yet but not particularly excited to come back to it either.

      Reply ↓
    4. Catherine*

      Can I request recommendations- the comment above from Dark Macademia reminded me how much I loved the Poisonwood Bible, has anyone ever found something similar?

      Reply ↓
      1. Jackalope*

        Which elements of Poisonwood Bible spoke to you? Is there something that you got out of it that you’d love to see in another book?

        Reply ↓
  14. Jackalope*

    Gaming thread! Share what you’ve been playing and give or request recs. As always, all games are welcome, not just video games.

    I’m still working my way slowly through Unicorn Overlord. It’s becoming a bit repetitive and I’m not crazy about the storyline, but I’m enjoying the game play and it’s soothing now that I know what I’m doing.

    Reply ↓
    1. SparklingBlue*

      Working on the Suikoden remaster–with 108 playable characters to pick from, a walkthrough is a must.

      Reply ↓
    2. Belle*

      I thought it was okay but I felt the second season overall wasn’t as good as the first. The pace at times this season was uneven and I can’t believe the choice made in the finale (without spoiling it). I am hoping the third season is better.

      Reply ↓
  16. Gratitude*

    Do you give a gift to your realtor? We’re in the middle of buying a house and we plan to sell our current house with the same realtor later this year. So she’ll get paid for two sales, but we like her and find her advice very helpful. Is it strange to give her a gift? Maybe after completing the sale of our current house? (Northeastern US, if that’s relevant.)

    Reply ↓
    3. Fellow Traveller*

      We gave our realtor a nice bottle of whiskey. He was really fantastic- we had worked with others before that weren’t as patient or knowledgeable. Of course we recommend him all the time and he helped my parents buy their current house too.

      Reply ↓
    4. Jill Swinburne*

      We got ours a nice bottle of wine – we were first home buyers and she really went into bat for us and gave us very good advice.

      Reply ↓
    5. Roland*

      Mine gave ME a gift. Friends had similar experiences. I’m sure you can and it would be appreciated, but they’re getting a commission on every sale so you’re really not obligated. You are paying them a LOT of money even if it doesn’t feel that way as a buyer.

      Reply ↓
    6. Generic Name*

      I never have. I figure the tens of thousands in commission they earn is plenty. :) maybe if they really went above and beyond, a nice note would be appreciated.

      Reply ↓
  17. Double A*

    When I was growing up we had a “family computer” in a shared space, and while that was for reasons of expense (no one had their own computer for most of the 90s), I think it was actually a really great way to learn about computers in a gradual and social way. Even though computers are obviously way more powerful and connected now, I’d like to do something similar for my own kids. Also, while I don’t have very strong opinions about “limiting screen time,” I do have very strong opinions about keeping screens out of their bedrooms for as long as possible and this is something that I think will help.

    Is anyone doing this kind of communal computer set up? Or plan to?

    Any suggestions about the computers themselves? It’s been a long time since I’ve had a desktop, but I’d like a desktop PC (not Mac, even though I grew up with them). I’d love to have a more locked-down computer that I can open up as the kids age, but I don’t know if that’s remotely possible or if it’s just kind of Windows on iOS and those are your options. Thoughts? Suggestions?

    Reply ↓
    1. PurlsOfWisdom*

      We have a “family computer” in one of our shared living spaces. Though it moved into our Master Bedroom (not far off of the common areas) during the holiday season to make space for the Xmas tree.

      My son is still fairly young (7), so has no concept of surfing the internet or whatever. But he is VERY into Minecraft (as well as Portal and a couple of other games). Our goal was to keep him still a part of the family dynamic while he got his time playing games. Additionally the concern of keeping an eye on him to make sure he wasn’t accidentally getting into anything he shouldn’t. To your point about keeping screens out of bedrooms for as long as possible I hard agree with you, though it feels like it’s only going to get harder and harder in this more connected age.

      Don’t really have suggestions on what to get as we are a Mac family… Sorry on that note.

      Reply ↓
    2. Annie*

      I’ve worked and played with a variety of computers and OSes over the years. For the hardware, pick one up with a multi-core processor and a HDMI port (to make sure you have something modern enough to actually use) at a thrift store if you don’t care about the ability to run newer OSes than Windows 10 or are willing to experiment with a Linux distribution.

      If ability to run Windows 11 without exploiting some loophole is important to you, do a search for a Windows 11 desktop on Amazon or another store and pick one out. I found a few options for a few hundred dollars.

      If Linux sounds appealing to you, almost anything goes if your priorities don’t include “ability to play a specific game” or “ability to run a specific software”. It also helps if you can shift your priority from “ability to use a specific software”(far from certain on linux) to “ability to do X”(almost always possible). By default, installing or uninstalling software requires admin privileges (linux calls it root), and linux’s minority status on the desktop makes any malware more severe than adware or scareware in the web browser a low risk. Most linux distributions include an app store or a simpler looking “package manager”, so there’s no pressure to hunt or pay for one that “comes with everything”. A few distributions have earned a reputation for being easy for first timers, such as Ubuntu, Mint, and Zorin.

      Virtually all OSes and web browsers that have ever had significant market share have software for them that can be used to lock down a device for child use, with varying degrees of effectiveness.

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  18. Abundantly Vague*

    My father passed away last fall and my mother’s health has declined to the point where my sister and I can no longer care for her and we have had to make the painful decision to move her to an assisted living center. (Another sibling lives a considerable distance away.) We are in the process of selling my parents’ house (and most of its contents) and I’m finding letting go difficult. I logically know that I can’t keep all of their possessions. I don’t have room for all of them. I have been a bit disappointed that my siblings and their children don’t want their stuff. There are a lot of very nice dishes, nick-nacks, and a few pieces of nice furniture, tons of books, some artwork, things that my father made, lots of costume jewelry. Some things are nice, not really my taste, but I have a lot of sentimental feelings about them. There are things that belonged to my grandparents, things that were gifts from people I loved.

    If anyone has been in this position, how did you decide what to keep and what to let go of? Are there things you regret not keeping? Are there things you regret keeping and realize you should have let go of? Any advice you might offer would be appreciated and considered.

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    1. Pickles*

      I’m not a keeper and it is hard with people around me who are invested in me keeping stuff. I would suggest select a few things that mean something to you, anything that is practical and then let the rest go. Dishes and housewares are so easy to come by.
      You do t want to be over burdened with stuff. The memories are what is important.

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    2. Aphrodite*

      I wrote out a long answer to you before dumping it. I kept only two items, both worth nothing, both small and both that bring me pleaure: a photograph and a cute Hallmark tchotchke. While all items did have sentimental value I neither needed nor wanted anything else. Those things are not them. They possess nothing of the positive qualities of my parents. Keep your parents, not their stuff, in your heart.

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    3. RagingADHD*

      I got rid of a lot, but kept some at first and gradually let go of more a bit at a time over several years. I think part of the difficulty is that you are still in the middle of everything right now.

      Some people deal with that overwhelm by rejecting the stuff, others by holding onto stuff. Both are ways of saying “no, I don’t want this to be real.”

      Could you maybe get some storage temporarily for the things that are particularly hard to part with, like the things your father made? It may be that in time when the situation has stabilized, they may decide they would like a couple of things, and you are likely to feel more prepared to let go.

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    4. MJ*

      Something I’ve seen recommended is – if it’s not something you will actually use – take a good quality photo as a memento and let the item go to find a new home.

      Alternatively, if there are some items you think you might regret getting rid of, store them somewhere until the grief has lessened. (Assuming you have space.) You can revisit in 6 months / a year / 5 years and see if you are ready to release them yet.

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    5. Clara Bowe*

      I am sorry you are having to go through this process. It is incredibly hard, and from what you’ve written, likely pretty traumatic. Losing your dad and not really having the space to mourn with having to scramble around your mother’s health is so, so hard. I’ve had to do something similar, so please know that I am sending you as much positive energy and support as I can, and from a place of some level of understanding.

      Personally, I have only kept small, sentimental items (a cup, a pen knife, a shirt, etc.) And while I am sad I passed some stuff on, I haven’t really regretted it? Yes, there was emotion and memory tied to some items I chose to let go of, but none of that went away when the item did. But, it is different for each person.

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    6. Two cents*

      I think the answer depends so much on how you process grief, deal with stress and deal with too many items in general. So: what do you know about yourself? Do you have any experiences that could be in any way similar? Obviously not your parents, but maybe the end of a long friendship that you grieved, or a different, less close family member, or maybe a pet? Did you enjoy having items that reminded you of them later? Did you miss any items and wish you could have kept them? Did you purge all at once or a little bit over time? Did you have any regrets?

      In any other super emotional times combined with way too much to do (e.g. your wedding, holiday hosting, huge party with complications): Did delaying decisions about future stuff help you or just drag out and hang over your head? Did adding pressure to yourself help you push through difficult decisions or stress you the erf out?

      About stuff in general: are you good at getting rid of stuff? If so, it might make sense to spend some money on a storage unit to delay the decision making process and deal with things slowly. If you’re terrible at getting rid of stuff or super emotional about letting go of sentimental things or procrastinate about hard emotional decisions, that would be the worst choice.

      I think if you can answer any of those questions that might guide you a little bit in this hard time.

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  19. Mitchell Hundred*

    I finished rewatching the British miniseries The Prisoner recently, and one thing I’d forgotten about was that the main character stays in shape partly by practicing a fictional martial art called kosho. It involves two trampolines (one for each participant) with a pool of water between them. The combatants each put on a helmet and a full body robe that buttons up in front while playing. I think the object is to knock your opponent into the water, although the rules aren’t clear.

    It is a ridiculous sport, but also one that I would dearly love to become real. So my question is: what useless/absurd fictional creation would you will into existence, given the chance?

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    1. Why does my name keep getting forgotten?*

      True American, the hilarious drinking game/obstacle course from the tv series New Girl. There’s also versions of this in the real world with rules interpreted from the info given in the show, but the show never fully spelled out all the rules. Someone’s made a website where they list the partial rules given by the show and then interpret them into a playable, working version. But, it’s not the same. And there’s a big Wikipedia page with interpreted rules too.

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  20. allathian*

    Star Trek’s Ambo-Jitsu looks like something I’d like to play. It’s the game Riker played with a serious competitive spirit with his father. A martial art that looks really cool, played with a long stick.

    The Klingon pre-battle exercises that Worf taught some of the Enterprise crew are basically Tai Chi.

    Vulcan 3d chess is another cool game.

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    2. LBD*

      I had friends in high school who had a 3-D chess board, and they used to play some sort of version of chess on it. As I recall, they had to adapt rules to allow for the different levels!

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  21. Jackalope*

    Related to the weekday thread on this: what is your hill to die on in a nonwork setting? Do you have something that you aren’t willing to let go of? For this I’m thinking more along the lines of light stuff like how to hang toilet paper, not essential life beliefs like trans rights are human rights. Any thoughts?

    I have several, but the main one that’s coming to me is pushing the kitchen drawers in. Our drawers get stuck easily and so they often get left sticking out a tiny bit. I cannot deal with this – too many times in my life I’ve gotten a drawer or doorknob or what have you snagged on a picket on my clothing – and so I wander around the kitchen all the time pushing them the last little bit in.

    Reply ↓
    1. I didn't say banana*

      I break spaghetti in half before I cook it and I will fight anyone who tells me I can’t. Broken spaghetti fits in a smaller pot so the water boils sooner and it’s easier for my young kids to eat.

      Reply ↓

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