weekend open thread – March 29-30, 2025

by Alison Green on March 28, 2025

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: Show Don’t Tell, by Curtis Sittenfeld. I will read anything Curtis Sittenfeld writes, including short stories, which normally frustrate me for being … short. As she has moved into middle age, so have many of her characters, including one story that revisits the protagonist from her novel Prep.  (Amazon, Bookshop)

* I earn a commission if you use that link.

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{ 913 comments }

{ 913 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Alex*

    I’ve agreed to go to a cabin with some family members for five days. It’s a pretty remote area, we won’t really be leaving the area around the cabin, and there is no wifi at all. I’m surprised to find out how nervous I am about that. What are some fun ways to entertain yourself for nearly a week when internet and streaming are completely off the table? Obviously I’m taking some books.

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    1. word nerd*

      Communal jigsaw puzzle? People can do as much or as little of it as they want, and I’ve had some great conversations while doing a puzzle with folks, in the same way you might while taking a walk or driving in a car with someone.

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      1. Cordelia*

        yes I second the jigsaw puzzle idea. Leave it set up somewhere, and people can either work together and chat, or have a brief go at it by themselves. You could download some podcasts to listen to while doing the jigsaw.
        My other suggestion would be board games, take a variety – quick easy ones and long complicated ones. Perhaps get something new, that you can learn together.

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      2. PhyllisB*

        Haven’t read the comments yet, but Monopoly is always popular for a family gathering. Also Scrabble is great along with cards.
        Sounds like a great place to hike, too!! Or if that sounds too strenuous, just a leisurely walk through the woods.

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      3. Marion Ravenwood*

        On a related note to this: board games! Some things I’ve had success with on family holidays have been Sushi Go Party, P For Pizza, Ecosystem and Herd Mentality. Stuff like Articulate, Anomia and Exploding Kittens (and similar games from that company like Unstable Unicorns) could also work well.

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    2. Emperor Kuzco*

      sketchbook or one of those adult coloring books? I always wanted to do one of those ‘paint the other person’ and then trade paintings, that would a fun and hilarious activity.

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    3. Always Tired*

      crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, board games, cards. My family always does cards for camping/cabin trips. There is lots of (joking, fun) yelling and accusations of subterfuge (doesn’t help we all know my mom can count cards if we don’t distract her). I also like to take art supplies. I’m not very skilled, but there is something very soothing about sketching and painting in nature. I also usually download some music/podcasts for local listening, if it comes to that, but part of the benefit of such a trip, to me, is to be unplugged and get out of the cycle of using tech to soothe myself.

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    4. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Crossword or word search puzzle books, decks of cards, crafts? I would bring both my spinning wheels, at least two knitting/crochet projects, and an entire suitcase of yarn/fluff :-P

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      1. SummitSkein*

        @Red Reader the Adulting Fairy – you sound like my kind of party, lol! This is what I’d be doing, too.

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    5. Charlotte Lucas*

      Cards and board games. Books. Portable crafts. Hiking.

      Sitting outside and just feeling nature around you.

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    7. Filosofickle*

      While finding device-free options is ideal, I would download a handful of movies to my iPad (streaming services usually have a download option).

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      1. Anonymous Cat*

        Also audiobooks. You can listen to fun books together while doing activities.

        I always recommend the BBC radio comedy Cabin Pressure! :)

        Or Tom Wrigglesworth—the ones where he calls home and discovers what his parents and gran have been up to.

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    8. Aphrodite*

      Walking! Climbing trees! Finding leaves for a vision board! Doing a polar bear competition if there is a river or lake nearby; who can stay in the longest?

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    11. Notmorningper*

      Lean into cooking and baking as a communal activity (or activity for select willing cooks, or a getaway from all of them ….’)? It can be quite fun to make stuff you don’t normally have time and patience for.

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    12. Knighthope*

      Check out the great ideas in Sue Fierston’s book, Into the Woods: Families Making Art in Nature, Swinging Bridge Press.

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    13. RetiredAcademicLibrarian*

      Yachtzee is a classic dice game that’s fun.

      One time when my family was staying in a similar cabin, they had a game called Pass the Pigs that was incredibly stupid and fun. You toss a pair of plastic pigs and score based on how they land (on their feet, back, left side, right side, balanced on their snout, etc). It’s a press your luck game where you keep throwing, building up your score until decide to stop and pass them to the next person, unless you throw the pair that resets your score to 0 and ends your round. We had so much fun, 2 members of the family gave it as Christmas gifts that year.

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      2. Goldfeesh*

        Oh, Pass the Pigs was so much fun. I remember once my brother-in-law tossed the pigs in such a way one was on top of the other- we named it the Makin’ Bacon throw.

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    14. Anonymous Cat*

      What are the ages of your family? If they’re seniors, would they do family history workbooks with you?

      If they’re kids, are they interested in learning something like chess? Or gin or gin rummy?

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      1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        Love the idea of capturing some stories while you’re together. Even if it’s phone video, getting older members of the family to share about their younger years could be a treasure. For some that would be painful so it’s not a guaranteed winner for everyone, but asking about favorite memories seems safe enough. I wish I had recordings of my mom retelling yet again some of the stories she told when I was a kid about her own childhood and earlier years.

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    15. allathian*

      Yeah, Pass the Pigs is fun! I remember as a tween and young teen always wanting to score the position where one looks like it’s mounting the other (making bacon), and collapsing in giggles when they did.

      I’m feeling quite nostalgic for all the times I played tabletop, board, and card games with my friends in a much less device-dependent age.

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    16. BellStell*

      Bird listening and watching
      Hiking and walking
      Cooking
      Games as noted by others
      Reading as you noted
      Watercolour kits to paint threes etc

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    17. tired beau*

      Do you have an iPad or something? My roommates and I have been doing digital coloring book pages lately, they’ve really been helping me decompress. Obviously, you can go the traditional route and bring a coloring book and some markers, but it helps cut down on how much you’d have to pack! It seems childish but hey, it’s a really great distraction to just zone out on.

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    18. Turtle Dove*

      Sudoku! I buy books of games at Dollar Tree and then tear out a few pages at a time. I usually play with a small clipboard and a pen while lying on a couch, but you can play anywhere. I find numbers and logic calming, especially when I need alone time.

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    19. Game Player*

      Mexican Train Dominoes. So much fun. Our family has played this game for hours, and the more people playing, the more fun.

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      1. goddessoftransitory*

        I love Mexican Train Dominos! I played it with my aunt and her husband and my niece and nephew and had a great time.

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    20. Alex*

      Do you (or any of your family members) have any old home movies along with the equipment to play them? Watching your younger selves could be a fun group activity that gets conversations going. Alternatively, maybe people could bring old snapshots and you could work on an album together.

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    21. Girasol*

      Take pictures or have a photo competition: have the group pick several topics (close-ups, trees, things that are purple, stuff like that). Everyone takes their best shot. Then the group gathers afterward to decide who got the best one. It’s not so much the competition as seeing nature up close, enjoying the challenge, and viewing the pictures after.

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    22. Still*

      This will depend on your family but I’ve never met a group of people who didn’t get sucked into playing The Crew for hours on end. It’s a cooperative trick-taking card game that comes in a small box. Every game takes 5-10 minutes, you either all win together or all lose quickly, but it’s very easy to keep saying “just one more” until 2am…

      I’d also take a notebook for journaling. And the ingredients for something to bake, like chocolate chip cookies.

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    23. GoryDetails*

      I’d agree with the suggestions for communal puzzles (assuming there’s room to leave them out, and an absence of pets who’d be likely to play with and/or eat the pieces) – those can be fun when worked on together, or for individuals to spend a little time at in between other things.

      I’d tend to be in a hammock with a book for as much time as I could manage, but would also be up for some kinds of games. My circle did a lot of D&D and other RPGs, and we could whip up a one-shot on almost any theme.

      Also very fond of the “Munchkin” card games – they’re very wacky, with cards that change the results and effects of other people’s cards, and the themed sets can be combined. So if you have the basic D&D-style set and also the Spy version or Pirates or Wild West (or all of the above) you can find yourself with some very unusual characters and situations indeed.

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    24. Dontbeadork*

      There’s a great dice game called Cosmic Wimpout. It’s competitive, but it doesn’t matter how big or small your player group is, as long as you have at least two.

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    25. FACS*

      Dominoes! if you can count in increments of five you are set, so works for many ages. our family plays at a fast pace so if you cheat and get away with it you keep the points.

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    26. I take tea*

      Board games and puzzles are good. You could also bring a book with quizzes, if people like that. Trivial Pursuit can double as board game and quiz – we sometimes just pick a card and see how many we can get right.

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    27. Emily Byrd Starr*

      Board games
      Card games
      Puzzles
      Go for walks
      Improv/theater games
      TV if you have one (obviously not streaming, but you can watch cable channels)
      Mad Libs
      Listen to records/tapes/CD’s if you have them and have the equipment to play them

      Those are some of the things that we did for fun before the internet and smart phones. I miss those days and I actually kind of envy you!

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    28. Phlox*

      I think a craft might be fun. I had a family member bring some simple bead Christmas ornament crafts to a Get together, which was really fun. You can of course do a bead animal or something like that instead.

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    29. Bay*

      If you want to spend time outside but don’t want to go far from the cabin (hiking) I have been really enjoying a return to elementary school pursuits now that I’m in my mid-30’s: spending a few hours seeing how many species of bugs we can find in the area around a stream, collecting pretty stones or leaves or shells and arranging them into fun patterns, finding a small creature like a crayfish or a chipmunk and setting up to watch their entire life patterns if I can manage it. I had fallen out of practice with just being outside and being part of everything but it’s been surprisingly easy for me to re-learn and it’s the besssst

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  2. gandalf the nude*

    I was searching the site for something else and stumbled upon a non-work related mortification thread from weekend thread a few years ago, started by someone who had been at a family BBQ, pressed herself against her husband from behind and whispered in his ear, “you look amazing right now”…. and it was his brother. That and other stories in that post gave me such a good laugh, I thought we could do it again! Who has non-work mortification stories you’re willing to confess here where no one knows you? I could really use the laughs after the week it’s been.

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    1. The Prettiest Curse*

      I’m enjoying being around for the early part of this thread, before the clocks in the UK go forward on Sunday and make that impossible again!

      This one is fairly recent. Context: our back garden has a fence which is shared with a neighbour’s garden and which also backs onto a shared residential parking area. The room I use as my home office is upstairs and has a view over the back gardens and parking area.

      Our dog was in the back garden. We are trying to train him out of the occasional episode of obnoxious barking, which is usually directed at the neighbour’s dog. My husband was in the garden with the dog. The upstairs window was open, so I could hear that the dog was getting ready for another barking session. (We bring him inside if he starts barking.) So I went to the window and said to the dog “Oi, behave yourself, I’m keeping my eye on you!” in a firm voice – which startled the heck out of a random neighbour, who I didn’t realise had just parked close to the fence. I was mortified and had to explain to the neighbour that I had been talking to the dog, not announcing my intention to spy on them. The dog didn’t bark that time, so I suppose the mortification was worth it!

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    2. Sitting Pretty*

      On a first date. Mexican restaurant. I ordered tamales thinking I knew what they were. Sawed into it and put the first bite in my mouth, corn husk and all. Started chewing. And chewing. And chewing. And…

      And it was not getting any smaller. Massive hunk ‘o corn husk, from the folded end no less. Dude could tell something was wrong. But I couldn’t explain myself what with the mouthful of roughage, just kept trying to smile and pretend everything was ok. Not sure why it didn’t occur to me to just run to the restroom and spit it out. Panic probably. No my friends, instead I did the most reasonable thing my addled brain could come up with which was spit it into an extra cloth napkin swiped from the next table and then just… leave it there?

      There was no second date.

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      1. Six Feldspar*

        I only found out *after* eating my first roasted chestnut that you’re meant to peel them! The skin didn’t add much to the taste but I guess we can always use extra fibre…

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    3. ThatGirl*

      I did something similar with my best friend’s husband – I’d had a few drinks at thanksgiving, walked up behind and put my arm around the waist of….not my husband. To everyone’s amusement.

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    4. Six Feldspar*

      It’s been more than 20 years and I’m still thinking about my first debate in high school where I spent my whole speech confidently pronouncing “biased” as “bee-azed”…

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      2. jjax*

        You are absolutely not alone with this! I have so many of them.
        – Giving an academic lecture and pronouncing Tuskegee as “tusk-a-jee”, cause I am an uninformed Canadian.
        – Playing Trivial Pursuit in a huge group of colleagues and pronouncing Ecuador as “youk-adore”.
        – Pulling an unintentional Zapp Brannigan and pronouncing champagne as “sham-pagan”.
        – During my freaking Master’s defense of all things, pronouncing intersectional as “intersex-ional”. In my defense my topic was queer studies so I just mixed it up with the next line but the external examiner had to stop me and ask what I meant because she was confused. I was so nervous already that I wanted to melt into a hole in the earth.

        So I am right there with you in embarrassing mispronouncing!

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                1. fhqwhgads*

                  Do you pronounce sect and sex the same? That’s the only way I can think of highlighting the difference.

                2. amoeba*

                  @Clisby I don’t buy pretty sure the t is silent when you add the suffix? Like, an alternative/more old-fashioned spelling for connection is “connexion”. I’m German and have actually always had that drilled into me as in “native speakers pronounce it like that, don’t pronounce the t or you’ll sound German!”

            3. Clisby*

              I can’t imagine how to pronounce them differently, so from my standpoint yes – they’re homophones.

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          2. jjax*

            Pine Tree got it mostly correct. Where I am, intersectional is “inter-seck-shunal” and intersextional came out as “inter-SECKS-ional”. Intersectional mushes the “s” sound in “sectional” much more. It’s hard to portray in writing but it was much more obvious spoken out loud.

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              1. fallingleavesofnovember*

                Maybe think of the word ‘intersex’ and then add the ‘tional’ to try and hear it?

                This conversation makes me think a bit of ‘espresso’ ‘exs-presso’ where some people don’t really hear the difference!

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                1. fallingleavesofnovember*

                  Versus the word “intersect” and then “tional” – both would exaggerate it a bit more than I think is meant here but it may help!

        3. Six Feldspar*

          I got off pretty easy for other teenage-typical embarrassments so I’m counting myself lucky… But good reminder to look up the pronunciation first!

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      3. Elle Woods*

        I once had a student do an entire presentation about policies to reduce after-school crime. Great content except he pronounced the word “deter” like the German name “Dieter” the entire time.

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        1. Elizabeth West*

          I would have died laughing because the first thing I thought of was Mike Myers on SNL going, “I am Dieter and this is Sprockets! Love my monkey!”

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          1. Elle Woods*

            That is EXACTLY where my mind went the first time he said “Dieter.” I really had to concentrate on the substance of his presentation to avoid bursting into a fit of giggles. When I got back to my office, I immediately pulled up a Sprockets video.

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    5. It Wasn’t My Poop!*

      You asked for it/spoiler alert: poop story. I was at a party at an acquaintance’s house. Entered the bathroom to pee, lifted the lid and was greeted by the previous user’s feces. Triple ick! I thought I’d solve the problem by flushing, but what a mistake. The water rose and rose to almost overflowing. I couldn’t be irresponsible, there was no plunger there, so I had to tell the host. Of course he thought it was my poop. It wasn’t my poop! All evening I concocted strategies for how I could expose that nasty irresponsible pooper who left me in shame, if I could just figure out who it was. But of course I said nothing further.

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    6. PhyllisB*

      I have two., similar topic. In 1971 I was a college student taking public speaking. Our professor was also the theater director so as a class assignment we were required to try out for the first play of the season.
      Now I’m Southern and at that age had not had any exposure to French names. When I read my scene one of the names I was supposed to say was Madame DuBonnet. I pronounced it Du Bonnet, like a baby Bonnet. Everyone died laughing and I was totally humiliated.
      Next year I took an acting class with a different instructor. (not interested in acting, just trying to get better at public speaking. Didn’t help.) The scene I was doing was from Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolfe. Anyone familiar with this play knows what kind of language is in it. Well, sheltered Southern girl here had never seen such language, let alone used it, but was trying to cope. So I’m on stage building up to my climatic moment, when I happened to look up and see the college dean walk in to ask the director a quick question. I…froze. I. COULD. NOT. say those words in front of the dean. My instructor got so angry with me!! I was mortified but just couldn’t do it. I’m surprised he didn’t fail me for the semester.

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    7. Chercher*

      During a transitional time in my life I spent a summer living with an aging bachelor farmer as a roommate on his farm. His family had been there since the beginning of time and he had brothers, sisters, cousins etc. scattered all over the area so that pretty much the entire place was populated with his relatives. He had a cute younger single brother just a little older than me who lived nearby but was painfully shy and I took a shine to him. I mentioned this to the farmer and he thought it was great (we had a fabulous informal friendship that I should really write a book about sometime). We’d chit chat about it here and there over dinner, or when I’d talk about my future plans beyond the few months I’d be staying with him – in a not terribly serious way but a way that he knew that I did actually kind of like this guy. What I didn’t know at the time was that the farmer couldn’t keep anything secret, not a thing.

      The rest of the family was pretty protective of the brother, partly because of his shyness. I knew this but they were all so kind to me whenever I met them I was unfazed. I didn’t encounter the brother a whole lot anyway but I noticed that he dropped off the face of the earth pretty suddenly. Usually he’d drive by the house occasionally on his way to go places, or drop in to help out with something……not anymore. The farmer was very mischievous and would hype me up about the brother, saying what a cute couple we’d make and how we were so similar, I was just the kind of girl he needed etc. etc.

      And I was loving it. This went on for a couple of months, and eventually, despite his absence, I was ready to shoot my shot. He lived a few houses down but our paths didn’t really organically cross usually, so I put my ideas hat on and concocted a ‘damsel in distress’ scenario of sorts where I’d have to drop by and ask for his help with something. The farmer helped me with the plan as he was going to be away one night the next week, and it was a perfect time for me to lose my keys and have to ask the brother for assistance. I was thrilled I’d finally have a reason to chit chat with him some more and get to know him a bit without it being a tense situation (if you’re wondering why I didn’t just ask him out prior to this his shyness was off the charts and I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable!). The farmer was on board, I had an outfit picked and the wheels were in motion. These things nearly always work out in the movies! The night rolls around, the farmer gives me the nod, and I conveniently don’t get home until it’s late and dark, so alternatives for me would be limited. I make my way down to the brother’s house and knock on the door and am greeted by one of the other brothers, plus all the sisters (the brother I liked was nowhere to be seen). One of the sister’s mouths was on the floor that I’d appeared at the door, and the others were avoiding eye contact with me. It was too late to turn back now so I mumbled that I’d locked myself out and could I use the bathroom real quick. The guy who had opened the door just pointed to it and I breezed in and out. I ended up spending an hour or so in my car outside the farmer’s house before heading off to stay with a friend (I had to keep the story up for appearances).

      In case you’re worrying there’d been a bereavement or family emergency don’t feel bad – it turns out the farmer had told everyone, and I mean everyone, about my plan and had been regaling them with tales about it for a while, to add to the frequent chatter he’d been having for months with anyone who would listen about how I was interested in his brother and wouldn’t it be so great if we ended up together. The brother had obviously gotten wind of it (along with every other soul alive in the area) and some kind of intervention was staged so he could avoid me. I felt bad and mortified in pretty equal measure (and still do!). I saw the brother only once briefly after that when we were driving opposite ways through a junction nearby and the terror at the sight of me was evident. I’ll never live it down (I’m in my 30s, he’s in his 40s so we’re grown) and despite invitations from the farmer to pop back next time I’m in town I don’t think I will. I’m cringing just typing this.

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        1. The OG Sleepless*

          Right? I’m already picturing something like “Anne with an E” with a similar color palette and a kindly, quirky cast of characters.

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      2. Saturday*

        You should write that book because this whole story was riveting!
        Also, c’mon farmer guy, how could you?!

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        1. Chercher*

          I know right?! I was telling him my darkest secrets and he was broadcasting them across the county!! We’re still in touch here and there and yes, I still think the brother is a cutie.

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          1. allathian*

            I exchanged notes with a girl I thought was my friend in middle school. I had a huge crush on one of the guys in her class, and told her ALL about him in my notes.

            He was very cute and rather sweet, and even if he never reciprocated my crush, he was always nice to me when I saw him.

            About a decade later I ran into him at a friend’s housewarming party, and when we’d had a few drinks he apologized because he’d never told me that my “friend” used to read my notes out loud outside the classroom before classes started for all of them to laugh at.

            At the time I was dating someone else and no longer interested in that guy except as a friendly acquaintance from my past, but suddenly his behavior back then made a lot more sense. I wasn’t used to cute guys seeking me out and trying to talk to me because I was painfully shy at that age. He apparently did it to see how I’d react in my notes. He’d matured enough since then to feel bad about how he’d contributed to the whole mess. Needless to say, I lost touch with my “friend” when we left middle school.

            Looking back on it I’m rather glad he never told me while we were at school because I would’ve been mortified.

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    8. Forrest Rhodes*

      Many moons ago, but I still cringe when I think about it:
      I’m 17 years old and am asked to read a poem for a ladies luncheon of some kind at church. I’ve been an enthusiastic reader since I was about 3 years old so, with all my teenage arrogance, I don’t bother actually reading the poem before the event.

      That day, in front of the group—which includes my mom, the pastor and his wife, and pretty much every female who attends our fairly large church—I’m sailing through the poem. I’m getting into it and am reading with emotion when I get to something about “a crochet hook.”

      I’ve heard the word before, many of my family elders crochet, but I’ve never actually seen it written. So—confidently—I announce, “a CROTCH-it hook.”

      Then things happen really fast. The group erupts in laughter, some even laughing so hard they have tears. I turn so red the whole room has a rosy tinge, and—also, 17-year-old sophistication—I immediately race for the exit and hide in the car until the lunch is over. My mom is still laughing as she drives us home.

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    9. Bay*

      I moved to Japan for grad school at age 27. I was the only foreigner in my laboratory at the time, and 3-5 years older than everyone else. It was just before Covid and although I’d been studying Japanese in my free time for years, I was still exhausted all the time from figuring out so many changes at once, and I cut corners whenever I could. One of the ways I cut corners when I am exhausted all the time is to fill in information I don’t actually have based on tiny clues, which can be great or can get me into big trouble, it’s a tossup.
      I’ve got low blood pressure and am prone to anemia, and I was excited about Japanese convenience stores. There’s a tiny cooler full of tiny glass and metal bottles with health drinks– collagen, mineral blend, vitamin c, etc. Being prone to anemia, I kept buying this dark brown bottle with a big pink liver on it, because obviously livers = iron = will solve my problems. I was still tired all the time but I liked the soothing routine of buying this little bottle on my way to lab every morning and I’d formed a collection of them on my desk when one day my labmate (22, beautiful, serious, very good at her work) finally asked me about the bottles and why I had so many. I explained about anemia and only needed to look up a few words and was so proud of my language skills. My poor labmate was trying so hard not to laugh and another labmate had to swoop in and rescue her to explain that these are hangover drinks usually targeted at university students who go to all-you-can drink parties and are still drunk the next morning. My brain melted in horror and I confessed that I’d been buying them from exactly the same people every single day and making small talk enthusiastically the whole time (my labmates loved me for these delicious additional details) but as soon as I could leave the conversation I scurried off to a deserted break room to alternate wailing my anguish and typing up the story for my family to enjoy

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      1. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        Ooh, those 1970s Dr. Whos with Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker were awesome! That was appointment tv for me and my friend. And young me had *such* a crush on Jon Pertwee.

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        1. goddessoftransitory*

          Hee, I’ve been watching a lot of stuff with Peter Davison (the fifth Doctor) on Prime lately–he was a cutie! (And I’m sure still is.)

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            1. Geriatric Rocker*

              Such a funny guy, too. Have you seen the Five-ish Doctors Reboot, the “documentary” that was released for the 50th anniversary? It starred Sylvester McCoy, Colin Baker and Mr Davison (with a plethora of unexpected cameos from nearly everybody who has ever been near a DW episode) and their attempts to get roles in the 50th anniversary episode.

              Spoilers – they do, sort of.

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          2. Girasol*

            Saw him in a Dr Who convention years ago. He explained cricket to us Americans and was so funny he had everyone in stitches.

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        2. FD*

          Jon Pertwee is my favorite doctor and I actually think that the fact that he’s stuck on Earth improves that run of the show since there’s more consistent character development with other characters. Also Roger Delgado is the best Master, IMO.

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          1. Geriatric Rocker*

            They say your first Doctor is your Doctor, which would be William Hartnell; however my Doctor (classic era) is Tom Baker and modern era is Matt Smith. And Peter Capaldi. And Jodie Whittaker.

            And Roger Delgado IS the best Master, followed by Missie.

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            1. FD*

              Yeah, my first doctor was Tom Baker and then Peter Eccleston. I didn’t see any Jon Pertwee episodes until I was an adult but I prefer him. I feel like he nails the balance of genius and petulant child better than any of the others.

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            2. Chaordic One*

              My first doctor was Jon Pertwee, but Tom Baker is definitely my favorite classic era doctor. My favorite of all time is Chris Eccleston. Chris had a lot of Tom Baker energy but was “sexy.” I think Chris deserves a lot of credit for his significant contributions to the successful reboot of the series.

              Reply ↓
                1. allathian*

                  Yes, mine as well. I wish he’d done more than one season.

                  Granted, I haven’t seen much of the old doctors, or any of the episodes with Ncuti Gatwa (yet), but judging by what I have seen, Chris Eccleston plays the only even slightly “sexy” Doctor.

            3. Elizabeth West*

              First Doctor: Tom Baker, although I only caught the show in bits and pieces at the time.
              Favorite Doctor: David Tennant.
              Favorite Master: Missy.
              Favorite companion: Donna Noble. I relate to her too hard, lol. She is the only character I have ever cosplayed.

              Reply ↓
        1. Chaordic One*

          The fictional character of actor, Freddie Thornhill (played by Ian McKellen) on “Vicious,” supposedly played a character on “Dr. Who,” as well as on “Downton Abbey,” (Cook Staff #4) and “Call the Midwife.” Freddie supposedly attended a Dr. Who convention at least once.

          Reply ↓
    2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      This is workish, but – exceeds expectations on my annual review (which I had hoped for but wasn’t quite sure would happen) and a decent raise. :) I also finished crocheting a prayer shawl for one of my hospitals’ chaplaincy program.

      Reply ↓
    3. SummitSkein*

      My “side job” is dyeing yarn, and I’d been feeling a LOT of creative burnout lately. I have had a new collection/inspiration in mind that I just feel a mental block about every time I actually go to put color to the yarn. It’s been so hard to feel creatively blocked.

      Last night, I finally allowed myself the chance to take an entirely off-topic inspiration photo and just play with some colors, and it came out SO WELL! Reminding myself of why I do this and having fun, rather than trying to force something that wasn’t working, felt like a bit of a cosmic reminder.

      Reply ↓
    4. WellRed*

      I won trivia at the bar. All by myself. Even better, I shared some of the questions today with my trivia loving coworkers for a mid morning teams break. So fun!

      Reply ↓
        1. Filosofickle*

          Looks like there are several variants, but I’m enjoying the Oreo Peanut Butter sandwich cookies — peanut butter cream between the standard chocolate wafers. I am not even an Oreo lover because they tend to be too sweet. But these are crazy good! My less cloying.

          Reply ↓
    6. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

      As part of reconnecting with my apartment after a traumatic cockroach-and-pesticide-filled year and a mold-filled year before that, I got a couple of pieces of Italian pottery to start replacing my long-gone dishes. They’re all nice, but I truly love my new espresso cup and saucer. The set has a 1960s mod vibe, like something John Steed and Emma Peel might drink out of.

      Reply ↓
    7. The Prettiest Curse*

      I’m enjoying the novelty of being awake for the early part of this thread. (Clocks go forward here in the UK on Sunday.)

      And I found a local improv comedy group and did a couple of sessions for the first time in decades. I’d forgotten just how much fun it can be!

      Reply ↓
      1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        I’ve been taking improv classes at our community center for over a year and recently got invited to join a troupe with the teacher and some of the top students. So fun and freeing!

        Reply ↓
    8. goddessoftransitory*

      The crow family in our back “yard” swooping about and building a nest! The kitty across the way loves to watch them as well.

      Reply ↓
    9. Josephine Beth*

      Cat-sitting for my daughter and her husband – I’m mostly a dog person but there’s nothing quite as nice as a cat purring on your lap in the morning evening.

      Reply ↓
    10. Goldfeesh*

      I went on a road trip to Tulsa, Oklahoma to see the opening concert of Bob Dylan’s 2025 tour. The man is nearly 84 and it was one of the best shows of his I’ve seen. He was simply amazing. His voice was clear and awesome, not hidden behind the band as it is sometimes. I would never have imagined him getting better. I’ve seen him 30-some times since 1992 and was blown away. If you’re even a bit of a Bob fan, get out and see him this tour.

      Reply ↓
    11. IrishEm*

      I’m starting to go back to my creative self! I joined a lovely group of queer crafters in November, and we meet up monthly, and for a while I wasn’t sure what craft I wanted to do, then randomly I started doodling and sketching again, and now I regularly set aside an hour or two to do pencil/watercolour pencil/watercolour marker drawings and art! This week in particular I made so many sketches.

      I haven’t consistently made art since 2002 because the Leaving Cert (Irish State Exams) stole the joy of art from me. And now I feel like a tiny green shoot unfurling in my heart where the love of making art was barren soil.

      …speaking of soil… I also am starting to become a Plant person, I’ve kept the hypoestes/polka dot plant in my office alive since last year’s May Bank Holiday weekend, and yesterday I trimmed his unnecessary leggies and he looks really happy now!

      Reply ↓
    12. Rogue Slime Mold*

      There is definitely something happening with the block of lion’s mane mushroom culture I got at the last Winter Farmer’s Market.

      Reply ↓
      1. fallingleavesofnovember*

        Ooh my husband got me a mushroom kit for Christmas one year and it was so fun and satisfying! Enjoy!

        Reply ↓
    14. Elizabeth West*

      Seeing Trae Crowder live last weekend, even though I lost the t-shirt I bought (I got another one online). It’s been forever since I’ve been to any kind of show, and he and his opening act (Matt Bergman) were both hilarious. I was able to meet them afterward too.

      I thought I would have to walk a little ways, but it was right near a subway stop, so I didn’t have to. :) The 1914 theater was so beautiful it made me want to do plays again. Probably haunted as shit too, lol. :D

      Reply ↓
      1. Saturday*

        I’m glad your lost t-shirt story had a happy ending! I was too late to post last week, but my lost thing was a pie. A whole, beautiful pie :(.

        Reply ↓
        2. Elizabeth West*

          NOOOOO NOT A PIE :'(

          Somewhere, the universe is wearing my t-shirt and eating that pie. Boo, universe!

          Reply ↓
    15. 653-CXK*

      I installed a solid state computer drive, by myself, and I’m amazed about how fast and quick everything boots up! I bought it on Amazon, on sale, and with a cord to connect the solid state drive to my computer, because my local computer store (not exactly local, but local enough for me) wanted $10 more for the disk, and at least $200 to do the disk cloning and $100 for the data transfer.

      I figured it was easier to give this computer a freshening up rather than buying a new computer – I don’t want Windows 11 and I certainly don’t want AI connected to it! I will likely wipe the old drive and use it as a storage drive.

      Reply ↓
      1. allathian*

        Microsoft will stop issuing security updates in October this year, so if you intend to go online with it, you’re going to have to upgrade fairly soon.

        Reply ↓
        1. 653-CXK*

          Alas, my computer (specifically, my processing chip) is not compatible with Windows 11, hence I am staying with Windows 10 for now. At least Patch Tuesday§ will be a lot faster!

          § For readers not familiar with Patch Tuesday, Microsoft updates its security patches the second Tuesday of every month. It is when MS slows your computer to an absolute crawl while it adds updates.

          Reply ↓
    16. chocolate muffins*

      I left three bags of groceries at the grocery store. (How!? I looked around when I was packing the groceries, and again when I was putting them in the car, but somehow missed THREE bags?) Which I realized gradually as I got home – “hmmm, I thought I got some crackers … and also some cheese? wonder where those could be.” Then had the realization when we sat down for dinner that none of the baby food I had gotten was at home with me. Prompted me to call the grocery store and the lovely person I spoke with said that he had my groceries up front with him, so I could come rescue them. Which I promptly did, and now I have been reunited with all the food I purchased, hooray.

      Reply ↓
    17. Cotswolds/England/UK info (Bike Walk Bake Books)*

      The seeds I planted a week ago for early greens are coming up. Teeny tiny cotyledons! Arugula, mesclun, rubin romaine, bok choy. A few others are a bit slower: spinach, rainbow chard, kale.

      I love making salads full of the greens and seeing the tiny starts has me anticipating. I keep cutting leaves and they keep producing, and I add additional rows between as the first ones head toward bolting. I’m able to produce greens pretty much all spring, summer, and into fall. They’re in beds on the north side and sheltered by the house so they don’t get overheated.

      Blooming trees are making me happy too. I have pink blossoms in the front yard, white blossoms in the back, and it’s raining blossoms.

      Reply ↓
      1. Racheee*

        How lovely! (and thanks for the new-to-me word) – cotyledons.

        I also have had joy from my garden – I left it too late to plant bulbs so got ready-grown flowers from the garden centre last week that have all opened up now, tulips, muscari and another name I forget. So nice.

        Reply ↓
        1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

          I was very pleased with X-grade me (not sure when I learned the word but definitely in grade school learning about plants) excavating “cotyledons” from the depths for Today Me.

          Reply ↓
  4. Calling All Flower Gardeners*

    Question for flower gardeners. I’m starting annuals by seed this weekend, to put on my windowsills indoors and plant outdoors in late May/early June. Have plenty of perennials already, and tired of paying too much for annuals at the nursery in late May. What types of annuals will do well in part sun, part shade? Don’t say regular impatiens, they don’t work for me any more. Anything else you can think of? Most of what I’m seeing in seed packets are flowers that need full sun, which I don’t have. I’m in eastern Massachusetts, can’t remember which zone.

    Reply ↓
    1. MissB*

      Some coleus grow just fine in part sun. I don’t know which ones; I usually grow a mixture and can tell pretty quickly which ones don’t do well in full sun.

      Reply ↓
    2. Sloanicota*

      I hope this is helpful but my best successes have come from noting what does well under similar garden conditions in my neighborhood! And often avid gardeners are very happy to let you harvest seeds or transplant unwanted volunteers.

      Reply ↓
    5. Chauncy Gardener*

      Balsam impatiens, which are the true old fashioned impatiens, do really well in part sun/shade. They don’t look anything like regular impatiens.
      You might want to check out Select Seeds. They sell a lot of heirloom plants, both seeds and plants. They have really good info about sun and soil requirements too.
      Good luck!

      Reply ↓
      1. Full of Woe*

        This is probably too late, but

        It depends on how many hours of full sun you have and when it occurs. If you have full sun from 11:00a to 3:00p that gives you more options than full sun that occurs early or late in the day. Also depends on the quality of the shade; dappled light through the trees gives you different options than complete shade. Recommend taking notes of your observations and then asking at a garden center.

        Reply ↓
      1. Hello, it's me*

        Please be very careful if you plant morning glories! I love them, but some species are invasive. They can take over your yard, even “strangle” other plants. Even the lovely bushes and shrubs in your neighbor’s yard, if the neighbor dares to look away for a minute. Ask me how I know this. No, don’t. Very sore subject.

        Reply ↓
  5. Foxpedition*

    Maybe kind readers could help me out? I’ve read a story and I believe it was here, on AAM, but cannot seem to find it and feel like I am losing my mind.^^’ Read it a few months ago while browsing the archives and no idea when it was originally posted. From what I remember (and if correctly), the LW was supposed to have a work lunch/dinner to celebrate her achievement. One of her coworkers was always pressuring to have meals at one specific restaurant, where the LW would not be able to eat anything because of allergy. LW was pressured by management to accommodate the coworker, even if that meant she would not be able to participate in her own celebration. Something like that.

    Anybody could point me out to the story? It’s not like I need the story for anything, just my curiosity is not letting me drop the search. >.<

    Reply ↓
    2. Hlao-roo*

      I couldn’t find an exact match, but here are some past “can’t eat food due to an allergy” letters (1st letter on all of the linked short answer posts):

      https://www.askamanager.org/2020/05/my-team-wont-accommodate-my-allergy-coworker-brings-in-homemade-food-and-hides-it-from-management-and-more.html

      https://www.askamanager.org/2022/01/i-was-kicked-out-of-a-work-lunch-because-i-couldnt-eat-attracting-employees-when-we-cant-pay-more-and-more.html

      https://www.askamanager.org/2022/11/my-team-excludes-me-from-lunches-because-of-my-dietary-restrictions.html

      Here’s a religious dietary requirement vs. a preference letter (1st letter at link):

      https://www.askamanager.org/2018/12/coworkers-food-restrictions-are-restricting-me-someone-told-my-boss-im-job-hunting-and-more.html

      This definitely isn’t the letter you’re thinking of, but it’s a similar letter of bananas to the situation you described so I think it’s worth sharing anyways (1st letter at link):

      https://www.askamanager.org/2018/01/my-team-is-flipping-out-over-a-thank-you-lunch-my-new-job-told-me-they-hired-someone-else-instead-and-more.html

      Reply ↓
    3. ecnaseener*

      “my team won’t accommodate my allergy, coworker brings in homemade food and hides it from management, and more” from May 2020?

      Reply ↓
    4. Not That Kind of Doctor*

      Doesn’t have the personal celebration element, but maybe “Coworker’s food restrictions are restricting me” from Dec 20, 2018 and re-run in Sept 2024?

      Reply ↓
    5. Dark Macadamia*

      Was it maybe a comment here linking to a different advice column?

      I searched for AITA posts and found quite a few about food restrictions at parties but not anything close enough to what you’re describing.

      Reply ↓
    6. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Any chance you read Carolyn Hax or reddit? I believe I’ve seen it too, and those are the other two likely websites.

      Reply ↓
      1. Cj*

        I just read the one the OP is talking about in the last month or so. I quite sure, but not positive, that it was here. It might have been one of the related articles that are below the column. Or possibly in and update column, and when I went to read the post the update was about, it was one of the other posts in that column. Probably not helpful at all, I realize!

        If it wasn’t here, it was probably the new work advice that is on Slate

        Reply ↓
    7. Lexi Vipond*

      It sounds familiar, but it could have just been a ‘this thing also happened to me’ story in the comments somewhere.

      Reply ↓
    8. WestsideStory*

      Cynoglossum (annual forget me not)
      Annual salvias (red pink purple white)
      Cosmos (do better in sun though)
      Balsam impatiens
      Torenia (wishbone fl0wer)

      I’ve grown all of these successfully from seed.

      Reply ↓
    9. Racheee*

      Thanks for asking this, as I’m navigating this where me and two others have allergies not easily catered for. I’ve gone down the route of – here’s vouchers/money for food you buy/bring from home for yourself, we’ll all ‘picnic’ together (like a potluck but reimbursed) and then go out all together to do a fun thing later.

      Reply ↓
    10. Notmorningper*

      Hlao-roo’s second suggestion looked closest to me, I tried putting ‘restaurant I can’t eat at’ in the search bar and got tons of hits … maybe one will look right to you …

      Reply ↓
      1. RC*

        Oh, I think that window is open, so I’m guessing it’s not Cat TV, it’s CAT SMELLS, SO MANY SMELLS, SMELLS FROM THE OUTSIDE GIVE US THE SMELLSSSSS

        Reply ↓
      2. Ginger Cat Lady*

        At my house, that would mean either:
        A. Birds outside
        B. Another cat outside
        C. Some other small animal
        D: Neighbor kid

        Reply ↓
  8. Caution: Scars at Work*

    I posted on the Friday thread about surgical scars a couple weeks ago. Since then, I met with the doctor and have plans for surgery in June to remove a benign salivary gland tumor.

    I’ve never had surgery or general anesthesia before, which is making me a bit anxious. I’m in good health, no history of complications in anesthesia, and it’s a good hospital, so intellectually, I know it will be fine. I’m also not looking forward to two and a half months of waiting for the surgery date. (It was the earliest they had, and it’s not something that has to be done right away.) Any advice for dealing with the anxiety and surgery wait?

    Also, on to some practical questions!

    I will likely not be able to shower for a couple days. My hair is very fine and gets oily very quickly. Any favorite dry shampoo suggestions or other products to just feel better and tide me over? I saw some waterless shampoo caps, but I’ll have an incision by my ear and down my neck so I don’t want anything that will be irritating.

    I don’t really have any food restrictions after, but soft foods are just recommended for ease and comfort with the swelling and soreness. Any favorites other than smoothies, applesauce, and yogurt?

    I appreciate any advice or suggestions!

    Reply ↓
    1. MissB*

      I had a knee replacement a month ago, under general anesthesia of course and at an outpatient clinic. Four days later, I had to go to the ER at a large local hospital for an atypical complication, and my knee surgeon put me under general anesthesia again the next morning. While waiting to go into the surgery suite, I met with the anesthesiologist and their helper. Also in the room was a nurse who stayed with me until they put me under. The anesthesiologist and her helper both asked me how I was doing and I admitted that I was a bit nervous to be going under once again so soon. The nurse was there to hear that, and she squeezed my hand very hard when I was taking a deep breath of whatever they knock you out with. It was super comforting.

      So in short, let them know you’re nervous! Don’t try to power through.

      I couldn’t shower for three days, then the complication popped up on day 2, so that 3 days got kicked out a few days, then I ended up at the ER then after surgery, I had to wait for 3 more days… which was like a week after the original surgery? Ugh. I have long hair and I wash my hair every other day to daily. It was torture. But it was fine. I didn’t exactly feel like going out and seeing folks, so I just dealt with it.

      Broth. Jello. Pudding. I’d just prep for a few days worth.

      Good luck!!

      Reply ↓
      2. PhyllisB*

        That reminds me of a question I have. It’s possible I’m going to need a knee replacement in the future, and I’ve been told that I can’t take tub baths anymore afterwards. Not just during the healing process but never again. This distreses me because soaking in a bubble bath is my favorite thing to do at the end of the day. Is this true? I’d almost rather limp the rest of my life than give up my baths (Showers just aren’t the same.)

        Reply ↓
        2. Jay (no, the other one)*

          I have had two knee replacements and was back in our hot tub as soon as I could climb the steps (which took a while, admittedly, but that was about the steps, not the tub). I was back in the heated pool at my gym two weeks post-op to get some exercise without stressing the knee too much. FWIW I’m also a doctor and I’ve never heard that in my life. There is definitely a period where you can’t get the incision wet – that’s days, not years, and certainly not a lifetime.

          I waited much too long to have my first one done and I’m lucky I didn’t permanently screw up my back or my hip. The wait did make it impossible for me to regain full range of motion and I still can’t ride a bike. Wish I’d done it years earlier.

          Reply ↓
          1. PhyllisB*

            Thank you Hip Anon. I had a hip replacement a couple of years ago, too and of course I had to wait for proper healing and such but I do take my baths again.
            I believed her because she’s a retired nurse practioner, and of course has had both her knees done. (at the same time, can you believe it?) Thank you for the reassurance.

            Reply ↓
        4. RagingADHD*

          Was your sister very diligent with her physical therapy after the surgery, and keep up with her exercises afterward?

          It hurts and you have to work very hard, but it is necessary if you want to restore full mobility. If you don’t do the work, you can lose functionality.

          Or perhaps she had complications?

          Reply ↓
          1. PhyllisB*

            To be honest, I don’t know how her therapy/recovery went. We were estranged during that time so…I just remember that she had them both done at the same time and I remember thinking…why? Being a nurse, I feel sure she followed instructions but don’t really know. I know she swims for exercise

            Reply ↓
        5. Pine Tree*

          I’ve had both knees replaced a few years ago and take baths again regularly. It took a little while to get to the point where I felt like I could get myself back out of the tub, but that was the only limiting factor. For a while I still had to roll onto my stomach (in the tub) and get into downward facing dog position and walk myself back upright. Be careful to make sure the tub isn’t slippery when you do this! Now I can pull myself up normally, or kneel to get up (although kneeling still feels a bit weird. It doesn’t hurt but the skin on my knees still feels weird when kneeled on.).

          Anyhoo, you will be able to take baths, I’m almost 100% sure!

          Reply ↓
          1. ronda*

            mine told me until all scabbing falls off without any picking at it :). It took 2 or 3 months.

            After 2 years I am not comfortable with getting up from the floor from some postitions (not really a tub person, so not doing that)…. so I would recommend some practice with a dry tub to see if you can get up. maybe grab bars or someone to help you at first.

            you are going to be doing PT, so ask then about the safest ways while you are recovering.

            But not it is not a rule that you can’t do it. just access your ability to get in and out of the tub. (and use assistance if necessary)

            Reply ↓
            1. MissB*

              I have two scabs left, lol. They’re on the downhill side of the knee, so I don’t think they get much friction. I suspect they’ll be there for another month or so.

              I think my surgeon used glue, not staples. Weird stuff.

              Reply ↓
    2. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

      Good luck with the surgery — I hope it goes as well as possible!

      For mushy foods, maybe melty ice cream? Puddings? Nutella? Fruit compote? Guacamole? Hummus? Smooth soups (or regular soups you put in the blender to get rid of the lumpy bits)? Mashed potatoes? If you’re somewhere where you’re not concerned about bird flu, maybe poached eggs?

      In terms of other post-surgery advice, when I had my appendix out, it made me feel like I was protecting the incision better to have fresh, clean sheets every night — a huge thank you to my aunt who did laundry every day and made that happen! If you can’t arrange fresh sheets each night, maybe at least stock up on clean pillowcases, since they’ll be in the area where the incision will be?

      Reply ↓
      1. Caution: Scars at Work*

        Thank you! Clean pillowcases are a good idea. I’ll have to sleep more propped up for a bit, so that will be nice to have a refresh!

        Reply ↓
    3. goddessoftransitory*

      Bean and cheese burritos or quesadillas! As long as you can chew a flour tortilla that might make a nice break from endless yogurts and such.

      Reply ↓
      1. Reluctant Mezzo*

        Rice dishes, cooked ahead of time and then frozen and reheated. This makes the rice somewhat mushy, which is what you might want.

        Reply ↓
      2. Amused and Confused*

        Definitely agree with Mac n’ Cheese! When I’m sick and my throat hurts too much to eat, I live off of protein shakes, applesauce, and Mac n’ Cheese. All soft things that don’t hurt to get down and still make me feel like I’m getting enough macromolecules for the immune system…

        Reply ↓
    5. Seal*

      Due to bad/injured knees and shoulders, I’ve had a number of major surgeries over the past decade or so. With the shoulder surgeries in particular, I couldn’t shower for the first few days either, but with all the pain meds I was either sleeping or a bit out of it much of the time anyway. When I finally could shower, I had to keep the incision dry for 2 more weeks, but my discharge paperwork included instructions for doing so. That first shower after surgery is wonderful though!

      I had to sleep sitting up for a month or so after the shoulder surgeries. Since I don’t have a recliner, I got a big wedge pillow which worked well. I also got a grabber that I used way more than I thought I would. One thing I learned the hard way with my shoulder surgeries is that bending over to pick up or put something down on the floor (like cat food bowls) is very painful at first; I got in a number of extra squat reps those first few weeks.

      As far as soft foods go, beyond yogurt, applesauce, and smoothies you might try things like soup, scrambled eggs (although eggs are ridiculously expensive these days), pudding, or Jello. Also, post surgery I find that eating smaller, more frequent meals to be much easier to manage. And making sure to drink plenty of water is a must.

      Lastly, reusable ice packs are your friends after surgery, so long as you remember to put the back in the freezer (learned that the hard way as well).

      Best of luck with your surgery!

      Reply ↓
    6. *daha**

      Here’s something that surprised me when i had surgery into my neck for thyroid and parathyroid misbehavior: They want you to have clean skin everywhere before the surgery, so there aren’t germs that can migrate to the incision. That meant showering just before leaving for the hospital. It also meant that they asked me to rub antibiotic lotion all over when I changed into my hospital gown.

      Reply ↓
      1. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        Ooh, yes! Before my abdominal surgery, they asked me to shower for two nights/mornings in a row with an anti-bacterial soap (Dial, maybe?), to sleep on clean sheets before the surgery, and then to change them so I had clean sheets for right after the surgery as well. (Changing the sheets every day after that for a couple of weeks as I was mentioning above wasn’t told to me, but it did make me feel like I was keeping everything as clean as possible.)

        Reply ↓
      2. Elizabeth West*

        Yep, I just had a consult for this and they gave me a bottle of special soap for when I get it scheduled (if I can).

        Reply ↓
    7. WS*

      The surgery wait is no fun, so I suggest lots of distractions available – video games, easy books, crafts, something you can quickly pick up and distract yourself with rather than doomscrolling surgery complications!

      One thing I always recommend for hospital stays is lip balm. When people are messing around with your mouth while you’re unconscious you often get cracked/sore lips and the hospital air is then very drying. Take a strong one that you can slather on.

      I’ve had surgery on a similar area and had no trouble eating anything after the first day, so stock up some of your favourites to look forward to.

      Reply ↓
    8. Dancing Otter*

      Re hair: is your hair long enough to put it up out of the way? Slicked back into a ponytail or bun can look deliberate instead of just limp and oily. (Mine’s also fine, though not as oily as when I was a teen.) I’ve heard good things about just using cornstarch rather than spray shampoo; obviously, you need to brush it out really well so it doesn’t look like dandruff.

      Re food: depending how much and how long on the anesthesia, and how efficiently your organs clear it afterward, you may not feel like making much of an effort in the kitchen. After my knee surgery last year, I just drank protein supplements (Mustle Milk has some fairly pleasant flavors, for one) for the first day or two after I got home. Ensure would work similarly.

      Ice cream or sorbet may not be ideal nutritionally, but I think the coldness might feel good, like a sort of internal ice pack. Speaking of which, either actual ice or the chemical equivalent might be good to have on hand. Cold really is a good analgesic.

      Don’t neglect fiber, especially if you’re given serious painkillers. Bran cereal can get soggy enough not to need much chewing, and canned fruit still has fiber while being softer than fresh.

      Good luck, and don’t worry too much.

      Reply ↓
    9. One_more_reader*

      I use plain cornstarch lightly sprinkled through the toots and thoroughly combed/brushed out. (Cheaper than dry shampoos, plus no chemicals.) Also, a beret to cover Best of luck with your surgery.

      Reply ↓
      1. Seashell*

        When I was younger and my hair was more oily. I would do something similar with baby powder. Shake some onto the brush, shake out the excess over the sink or garbage can, and brush through. Sometimes it can be seen on the hair a little, but a little more brushing will disperse it.

        Reply ↓
      2. Ginger Cat Lady*

        FYI Cornstarch, like everything made of atoms, is a chemical. Cornstarch is an organic polymer, a polysaccharide containing joined sugar monomers, with the chemical formula (C6H10O5)n.
        YOU are chemical. Even the most organic, plant based, natural, (insert wellness term of the day) superfood is made of chemicals.
        Let’s not demonize the idea of chemicals when everything is chemistry.

        Reply ↓
    10. One_more_reader*

      Cornstarch, lightly sprinkled through the roots and brushed out with a clean hairbrush. I also wore a beret. Good luck with everything.

      Reply ↓
    11. Rogue Slime Mold*

      Hair: Is your hair long enough to put back in a braid? If you have someone else to braid it for you, I found that to be even more secure.

      Soft food: Ultraprocessed food is softer and more calorie dense than regular food. (So e.g. frozen mass-produced lasagna has more calories per bite and is easier to chew, vs what you make at home.) I happened to run across this study when my mom had dental surgery, and so hit the store for things like Bob Evans mashed potatoes or mac-n-cheese.

      Soft food 2: Where I live there are quite good soups available at the different grocery stores, which offer a savory option and some variety. If you have any internal scars (vs just swelling and soreness), I will warn that a hint of heat in the gazpacho is like putting acid on a cut anywhere else on your body.

      General advice: The general anesthesia and pain meds can both have a side effect of constipation. Pick up some over the counter stool softener and either take them pre-emptively, or at the first teensy hint that things might be stopped up.

      Reply ↓
      1. Caution: Scars at Work*

        Thank you!

        My hair is a little short now to pull back, I’m hoping it will be long enough to do something by June.

        Good reminder on the food! They recommend nothing too acidic for a bit, just because of saliva production, not for incisions.

        Also a good reminder about constipation. I remember having to take something after having an epidural.

        Reply ↓
      3. Full of Woe*

        • I can’t tell if this is outpatient surgery or if you are staying overnight. If you are there overnight you’ll want someone you’re close with to stay with you.
        • Some people are very nauseated after general anesthesia. Ask your doctor to put in an order IV anti-nausea meds before the surgery, so that if you need it the nurses can give it to you right away. (Not everyone has this issue but it’s best to be prepared.)
        • Highly recommend having anti-anxiety meds on board before they wheel you into the operating room. This is standard in a lot of places but maybe not everywhere so I would ask ahead of time.
        • If you are sent home with a prescription for a synthetic opioid (e.g., Vicodin, Percocet) and you feel like it is not working, call the doctor and ask for morphine. Opioids like Vicodin, Percocet, codeine, tramadol (and possibly others I’m not aware of) aren’t actually opiates until your liver converts them – and some people are very poor converters. Morphine does not need to be converted by the liver and as far as I know is still dispensed in pill form.

        Reply ↓
        1. Caution: Scars at Work*

          It is one overnight! Should have mentioned that.
          Good point on the anti nausea medicine. I was thinking of requesting it. The last thing I want it to throw up when I might have trouble opening my mouth all the way with swelling.

          I’ll ask about the anti-anxiety meds. I think it’s really just a worry about the unknown as I’m not too worried about potential complications.

          Thank you for your reply!

          I think he said they start with Tramadol but can give something more if needed. Usually it’s just a day or two of anything beyond Tylenol.

          Reply ↓
          1. Seal*

            Whenever I’ve had surgery the anesthesiologist checked in on me while I was getting prepped. One of the questions they ask is if I’ve ever had a bad reaction to anesthesia or if I wanted/needed anti nausea meds. When I had my knee replaced, I told them I’d been violently ill after having my wisdom teeth removed in college some 30+ years ago. They assured me that the anesthetics they use now are very different now and less likely to make people sick, which was a relief. They still gave me an anti nausea med before surgery though and my stomach was fine afterwards.

            Also, when I’ve been given opioids after surgery the doctors always prescribe a laxative and a stool softener well as Narcan in case of an accidental overdose (which I fortunately never had to use). You’ll know when you don’t need them anymore but they really help keep things moving when you do.

            Reply ↓
    12. Seashell*

      Different situation, but after I had my wisdom teeth out and needed soft foods, I had ravioli or brothy soup with noodles (like Ring-O-Noodle soup) for a few days.

      Reply ↓
    13. Peaches*

      If you’ve never had surgery before, it’s worth it to ask the staff exactly the before, during, and after of what’s going to happen and what you’ll be expected to do. I’ve usually not found the sheets they give you with pre and post-op particularly helpful.

      You may experience some shoulder pain due to gasses used during surgery, but I’ve never had surgery above my breastbone so YMMV. If you do, just move around to help the gasses out but not enough to irritate the surgeon’s post op orders.

      Take it easy on the narcotics as they’ll stop you up and DEFINITELY do not take more constipation medicine than is recommended.

      For post care, I prep foods I enjoy and look forward to eating – but no other recs beyond what’s mentioned here. And for your hair, I love either Davines dry shampoo ($$$) or Klorane in spray or non-spray ($$).

      Reply ↓
      1. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        That’s a great point about asking staff! Maybe ask them well BEFORE the surgery so that if there’s stuff you need to get, you have plenty of time to do so? I only got told I should wear a sports bra to sleep in after my lumpectomy the DAY before the surgery, when I did not have time to get one.

        Reply ↓
      2. the Viking Diva*

        yes, ask staff, but keep an open mind. Do not assume you are getting definitive answers. The folks in the clinic – e.g. the nursing staff for the doctor you’re dealing with – do not know the specific details that the hospital staff use in practice, and vice versa. It’s a systemic disconnect in communications that can be annoying for patients. Best to just get yourself into mental zen mode: practice non-attachment. It’s all out of your control anyhow, so trust that they are taking good care of you.

        Reply ↓
    14. An Australian in London*

      Lessons learned after open heart surgery:

      – Wet wipes can be almost as good as a shower.
      – Yes opiates are scary, and over-medicating slows healing… but so does under-medicating. 0 out of 10 on pain scale is in many cases over-medicated. 4 out of 10 is under-medicated. Aim for a 2.
      – Brain fog for a few days or even a week after general anesthesia is normal and nothing to worry about.
      – Expect mood changes and mood swings. Surgery and GA are both physical trauma. The body keeps the score. (Excellent book by that name.) I found I had to consciously prevent myself hunching and rolling my shoulders forward – my body was trying to protect my chest.
      – Surgery and GA are a big deal for us the patients. For the surgical team it’s just Tuesday morning. They do this all the time and have it down to a fine art.

      Mostly get ready for a lot of boredom! :) Best wishes for it.

      Reply ↓
      1. Middle Aged Lady*

        There is also a bath product that doesn’t require rinsing you can get at the drugstore.
        I second the cornstarch in your hair recommendations. I did get dry shampoo and I liked the Aveda brand.
        I second all the soft food choices and would add yogurt.
        Also a bath brush if you don’t normally use one. Sometimes it’s hard to twist and reach in the shower. A while back someone here recommended drying off with hand towels instead of a big unwieldy bath towel.
        I also second the suggestion to have lots of sheets at the ready, or a helper to wash youes. Also, when I had surgery someone recommended to wear button up shirts and pajamas and front-closure bras so I didn’t have to raise my arms or reach behind. That may or may not apply to you.
        Good luck!

        Reply ↓
    16. Racheee*

      I massively recommend this dry shampoo – Living Proof Perfect Hair Day.

      I don’t think all dry shampoos are good! The one my Mum used post-op took so much brushing as it came out very powdery. This one is spendy but seems much finer spray and suits my (also) fine hair very well.

      Reply ↓
      1. Crylo Ren*

        Chiming in to say this one! If you have an Ulta nearby, they usually have travel size versions of this if you don’t want to splash out on a full size bottle. I brought one when I had a c-section and it got me through the entire hospital stay.

        Reply ↓
        1. Caution: Scars at Work*

          Thank you both! We do have an Ulta. I might pick up a couple travel ones and try them out ahead of time.

          Reply ↓
    17. amoeba*

      I’ve had only one operation with general anesthesia in my life and it was completely harmless and anticlimactic, honestly! I felt slightly dizzy the first time I got up and I made sure there was somebody in the room when I got up to use the bathroom, but I was really completely fine. After another nap it was basically like nothing had happened, I chilled in the hospital for another two days or so just to be safe and then went home. So not really any advice but some encouragement!

      Ah, also, they offered me some mild sedatives the night before the actual operation and I think also the morning of? Those were great – I was a little nervous before but with those, I slept like a baby. (And amused the nurses when I told them “oh, I’m fine, they gave me some drugs” – and the German word “drugs” does *not* usually refer to medicine but purely to the recreational ones!)

      Reply ↓
      1. ronda*

        before my major surgery they gave me a drug that I call the “whatever drug”. before that I was nervous. After I was like maybe I should be nervous, but whatever.

        also for hair. I went to the salon and got a wash but my incision was not near my head.

        Reply ↓
  9. goddessoftransitory*

    Okay, time for weekly fun thread:

    I had it pointed out to me again (by the universe in general) that I live in an expensive town. On another board someone was talking about having to pay $3.50 for a bottle of water at an ER vending machine–many fellow board members were shocked. While I sat there going “…what?” I wouldn’t blink at paying that just in general, let alone in an environment where the snack options have your cash at their mercy.

    (I’m not saying that *isn’t* a high price, just that it doesn’t register that way to me relative to *regular* prices.)

    What things in your sphere do you not think of as unusually high or low priced only to have other people do *shocked Pikachu* at you?

    Reply ↓
    1. Charlotte Lucas*

      Weirdly, right now it’s eggs. I always buy mine from small farms, etc., so they’re a little on the pricey side (but much higher quality!). The price of free-range eggs from small farms hasn’t been as affected by everything (yet).

      On the other hand, I went to the local co-op recently, and they were sold out of eggs completely.

      I also buy an egg share through my -supported agriculture (CSA) farm, so I already have 10 weeks of eggs bought and paid for starting in June.

      Reply ↓
      1. RC*

        Not weird at all right now— eggs are like $1 each in the grocery store heh. [redacted rant about bird flu and trusting science and epidemiologists and the importance of the public good and not setting it on fire]

        Reply ↓
        1. Banana Pyjamas*

          I trust science, but I think greed is playing a much larger role. If it was bird flu alone the duck eggs would be doing the same thing price wise, and in my area the price of duck eggs has been stable for over a year. Chicken nugget prices haven’t doubled. The price of a whole duck has increase about 50% since Christmas 2023.

          Reply ↓
          1. WS*

            Chicken meat is a lot easier to freeze and store than eggs, though. Not saying greed isn’t part of it, but it’s a very different supply chain.

            Reply ↓
            1. RussianInTexas*

              You also have to wait for the chicken to grow to lay eggs, in my understanding. The meat chickens can be used much faster.

              Reply ↓
              1. Banana Pyjamas*

                Yes, most animals we eat are slaughtered relatively young, for example the ideal time to slaughter a cow is 18 months. The Art of French Cooking does a great job of explaining the ages of different types of cooking chickens and their uses. Most cooking chickens are slaughtered before nine weeks, but layers won’t produce eggs until around 18 weeks.

                Reply ↓
          2. fhqwhgads*

            My understanding is egg prices haven’t skyrocketed in Canada nor other countries that outlaw giant gazillion chicken farms, and require them to be more spread out. We have lots of those. Not only do they treat the animals poorly, but when bird flu arrives, it does a lot more damage, fast.
            Do we have enough demand for duck eggs to have those kinds of factory farms for ducks? I’m guessing not. Hence the price is more stable.

            Reply ↓
            1. Grasshopper Relocation LLC*

              I can confirm that Austrian egg prices haven’t changed in any meaningful way recently.

              Reply ↓
            3. Banana Pyjamas*

              I’m not sure about the eggs, but I know the largest duck farm in the U.S. had to cull nearly their entire flock. That farm provides most of the duck in the U.S. market. As another commenter pointed out though, bird meat and eggs are different supply chains, so maybe that’s why duck is way up, but duck eggs are not.

              Reply ↓
        2. RussianInTexas*

          See, in my grocery store right now regular extra large eggs are $4/dozen. We never got it that high, and never had real shortages. At least so far.

          Reply ↓
          1. carcinization*

            Yeah, the brown cage-free eggs I usually buy are $4.63 a dozen at the grocery store right now, which seems okay to me. I’ve been paying attention because the early-COVID-times shortages of various things freaked me out and I don’t want things to be like that again!

            Reply ↓
      2. o_gal*

        Eggs here as well. I live in the heart of egg-producing Ohio, and over 15 million birds have had to be culled (so far). It’s very tragic. But since there are still millions more egg laying birds, and they are a very short distance away, our egg prices haven’t gone up as much as other areas. A dozen this week is just short of $5. So twice as much as last year, but we’re not paying $1 per egg like some areas. And there is no shortage of them either.

        Reply ↓
      3. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

        Yeah, the eggs we get from our local creamery (delivered, along with milk!) are currently $7.99 a dozen, and consistently available. In January 2024 (the earliest I can find in my email) they were $4.99 a dozen. So they’ve gone from being “expensive compared to factory-farmed supermarket eggs” to “both cheaper and higher quality than supermarket eggs.”

        Reply ↓
    2. RC*

      Obligatory “It’s one banana, Michael, what could it cost? Ten dollars?”

      Tbh I stopped drinking bottled water ages ago so that one could be between $1 and $5 and I’d be like “/shrug I guess that’s what they cost now.”

      Rent is probably the one I cart out when I want to make a statement about how expensive things are. And a $22 brunch buffet, is just what it costs (it’s delicious and we don’t do it all the time so whatevs)

      Reply ↓
      2. ghost_cat*

        Reminds of when bananas were in short supply here due to a cyclone wiping out crops. A colleague was missing her daily banana dreadfully, so for her birthday, instead of flowers we got her a (small) bunch of bananas.

        Reply ↓
    3. talos*

      Monthly condo HOA fees in my region will be in the realm of like $1/square foot for minimal amenities and not fully funded. People who don’t live in expensive coastal cities are shocked when I mention my high HOA fee. (Meanwhile I am like “have you seen my mortgage”…)

      Reply ↓
    4. fallingleavesofnovember*

      We buy a lot of our groceries from local stores (both for ethical reasons and practical, transportation reasons) and so I think I’m used to a lot of what we buy being more expensive than at the big stores. I’m especially particular about where I get meat and fish: paying $3-4 (CAD) per sausage is normal to me but I think people can get a package for that much, at least if they are shopping by sale! (I also totally recognize the privilege of not having to stress out about my grocery bill.)

      On the other hand, there are many things I just don’t know the price of: we don’t have a car so I don’t really know what is a “good” price for gas in our area, we’re not sports fans so I have no idea what tickets cost, same for most technology as we really only upgrade when something breaks..)

      Reply ↓
      1. goddessoftransitory*

        I saw an article recently about concert ticket prices interviewing youngsters who still have the energy to go out at night and I was FLOORED by the ticket costs. I get these were big, headlining acts like Beyonce and such, but four digit costs just to start, not including travel, food/drink, any merch, or fees–it was astounding. And they seemed to find this entirely normal! I can’t even fathom having that much money to spend on something not rent or food back when I was a 20 something.

        Reply ↓
        2. The Petson from the Resume*

          I paid $25 ($33.00 after fees) to a touring comedian at an incredibly small venue. Didn’t mind b/c I’m a fan of her on IG.

          I saw a local comedian was playing the same venue at the same price and I’m like, no way, man, I’ve seen you for free, and I’ve seen you for $10 – $15 bucks in a lineup I’ve liked.

          Big name comedians at the big venues can be close to $100. I like comedy. But I can watch many comedians streaming for virtually free, and much as I like comedy they’re just a person standing on stage with a mic.

          Reply ↓
    5. Roland*

      Every travel guide to Iceland just continuously stresses how everything is Very Expensive but everything just felt normal to me

      Reply ↓
      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        I found Denmark (Copenhagen) and Switzerland (Zurich) expensive but it could be due to prices being in different currencies.

        Reply ↓
    6. RussianInTexas*

      Shrimp! We commonly have sales when large shrimp go down to $4/lb, and friends from the other parts of the court are shocked.
      And you can still get a good bahn mi for under $5.

      Reply ↓
      2. bay scamp*

        I miss the good banh mi in the Houston area for sure. The Vietnamese restaurants here don’t use the right bread (soft bread kind of defies/defeats the whole point) and use very few toppings besides whatever protein was chosen.

        Reply ↓
    7. Put the Blame on Edamame*

      Drink prices! Both alcohol and non, I’m in London and just accept the better part of a fiver leaving me when I get a coffee let alone the cost of a small house white at a pub, when I’m literally anywhere else in the UK it’s a nice surprise.

      Reply ↓
      1. Marion Ravenwood*

        What gets me with drink prices is how wildly different they can be. One pub I go to for my regular board games meetup sells ginger ale at a whopping 75p a bottle. The other, in the same area, is more like £3 a go. Coffee at least seems fairly consistent across the board, give or take about 50p for the same type of thing (although I still can’t get my head round it being £4-something for a latte in most places these days).

        Reply ↓
    10. Bobina*

      There is a wonderful cafe near me that makes a killing on their cakes and sandwiches (while hot food is *relatively* normal priced). I accept it for what it is (consistently delicious) but definitely see people get sticker shock at £7 brioche sandwiches and £5 cake slices

      Reply ↓
    11. amoeba*

      I live in Switzerland, so usually, when I’m abroad, *literally everything* seems cheap/reasonably priced, haha!

      Although rents in my city are luckily really quite low so sometimes when I’m in places where I know the average income is much lower (like, half!), I’m pretty shocked to see rents that are almost the same.

      Reply ↓
    12. Angstrom*

      I think the prices of almost any high-end hobby or sports items will shock people who have only seen the “same thing” at a big-box store. Yarn is one good example. Bike stuff is another — one can pay as much for a bicycle tire as for a car tire.

      Reply ↓
  10. Rogue Slime Mold*

    What are you watching, and would you recommend it?

    I enjoyed The Electric State, in a pleasant evening sort of way. It’s not great, but it is fun and heartfelt. (Contrasting with the critics’ darling Anora, which I found to be dull people being incompetent.) Just watched Away, by the filmmaker of Flow, which is interesting and dreamlike, but feels quite ephemeral.

    Reply ↓
    1. Rogue Slime Mold*

      Ongoing TV:
      Season 4 of Mythic Quest didn’t entertain me. I liked the episode in the murder mystery mansion, which not coincidentally is the only one that was really about playing games. I feel like they had very little plot, and everyone but Poppy got shortchanged.

      Season 2 of Surface is interesting but rather hard to parse. Since Tess/Sophie doesn’t have a friend to confide in, and the show eschews voiceovers, we’re going off the surface of her actions to figure out what she knows. Also it is literally very dark, and thus hard to watch with lunch on a sunny afternoon.

      Discovered Ludwig on BritBox, about a puzzle setter who fills in when his police detective twin brother goes missing. If “It’s a puzzle: we have to solve it” resonates with you, you should check it out. I have BritBox to watch Death in Paradise, which continues to be much more than the sum of its parts. I assume the new chief is here only to get murdered in the finale.

      Reply ↓
      1. goddessoftransitory*

        The sooner the better! That actor is so good at playing a slick glassbowl–I expected him to sprout very dapper horns and a tail.

        Reply ↓
      2. Teacher Lady*

        Ohh, that’s a good note about Mythic Quest (if a disappointing one). I loved the first three seasons and had been thinking of resubscribing to Apple TV+ to watch more, but maybe…not.

        Reply ↓
      3. CityMouse*

        I also disliked Season 4 of Mythic Quest. Side Quest was much better. I also liked the mystery episode and hated Poppy’s storyline this season. The whole season was building to a conclusion I just hated as those two characters just don’t work together for me and then I felt like everyone else got shortchanged and didn’t really have much to do this season.

        It’s sad because I previously loved this show.

        Reply ↓
        1. Rogue Slime Mold*

          I liked aspects of the Poppy pregnancy storyline–thinking about what she wants in a different life stage; the baby having a thing for cabbage; upending expectations with the sister-at-baby-shower plot. But I do not care about will-they-won’t-they in any configuration–platonic, romantic–so hated the endless circling back to Poppy-Ian, and that closing scene was like “That but on steroids! Are you squeeing?!!!!”

          No. I am not.

          Everyone else got shortchanged and didn’t really have much to do this season.
          At the end of last season they put my three favorite characters together (Dana, Brad, and Jo) and I was excited to see where that went. I can’t tell what Brad is even doing; Dana became so dumb re “do not work on your side project on the computer and servers and time and physical space of the company that owns all your creative output” that it ruined her character for me. (Now she just sits around declaring herself the greatest coder of her generation, which is not interesting.) Carol I wish had been written off the show rather than banging the most boring cast additions.

          It feels like everyone has to stay at MQ because MQ is a family, and no one is allowed to leave the family.

          Reply ↓
          1. CityMouse*

            Rachel was also naive before but she wasn’t as dumb as she was in this season. I found that frustrating.

            Reply ↓
      4. allathian*

        Just finished Picard. It was a fun ride, but I felt that the last season was too fan service-y and they took the easiest possible creative choices most of the time.

        Reply ↓
    2. Teapot Translator*

      I finished the new season of Father Brown. I must admit I’m getting bored with it. Can’t wait for new episodes of Sister Boniface.
      I am faced with a dilemma: watch the third episode of Ludwig or wait for all of them to be available in Canada and binge watch them. There’s only six episodes, I think, so it’s not like I’d have to wait months.
      Also, if I sign up for Acorn (Canada), what should I watch? I rather enjoy light murder mysteries.

      Reply ↓
      2. allathian*

        Yeah, I also prefer Sister Boniface. That said, I prefer FB when Father Brown and whoever’s the cop in charge at the time work together, the antagonism is getting very old and tired. That said, Inspector Sullivan finally telling his father how little his actions deserved respect was very satisfying.

        Reply ↓
        1. goddessoftransitory*

          It really was, especially since it wasn’t “all is forgiven!” ten minutes later. That guy did some really horrible things.

          Reply ↓
      3. Rogue Slime Mold*

        Acorn: My Life is Murder with Lucy Lawless as a retired police detective who consults on the occasional murder while baking sourdough. Note this is functionally a hangout show, where you enjoy visiting with your friends the detectives and don’t worry about the legality of the consultant cloning a suspect’s phone.

        Reply ↓
      4. GoryDetails*

        Re the Father Brown series – I loved the short stories, and could never quite get into the series, as its entire feel was so different. Not just the setting, which is more modern by a good bit, but Brown’s own character and attitude – not the same person at all. Ah, well.

        Reply ↓
        1. Chocolate Teapot*

          I have just started reading The Complete Father Brown which I bought from a second hand book sale and appears never to have been opened, and it is quite different from the TV series.

          Reply ↓
    3. Charlotte Lucas*

      Just finished the first season of Kingdom (the Stephen Fry series from 2007). I am really enjoying it.

      Also started Farscape, which I never watched when it was on air, and now I see what I was missing.

      Reply ↓
      2. Lady Alys*

        Kingdom is wonderful; just be prepared to get to the cliffhanger at the end of season 3 and realize that ITV cancelled it at that point. I still think of that and get really really irritated.

        Reply ↓
    4. goddessoftransitory*

      Just finished Deadloch and loved it! Kevin the seal, you’ve captured my heart. I also really adored Sven, who captures that particular “thing” where you don’t like your job but you’re really, really good at it.

      Started The Last Detective, a police series from the early 2000s with Peter Davison as the lead. He plays a kind of afterthought of a detective who keeps getting the petty stuff the hotshot types don’t want–little old ladies drop off boxes of cookies for him in gratitude for taking him seriously kind of stuff.

      He gets stuck with another seemingly dog’s dinner of a cold case and it turns into a murder inquiry. I’m loving Davison’s low key kindness/frustration mingle, and the fact his character has co-custody with his ex of their HUMONGOUS St. Bernard.

      Reply ↓
        1. Goldfeesh*

          It took forever, but the visiting detective finally grew on me. I had to remind myself the show is also a comedy, not a straight detective drama. I should rewatch it.

          Reply ↓
          1. goddessoftransitory*

            It took me a while too; I do think the show had her calm down a bit/explain herself at just the right time–when all the characters and the audience were ready to feed her to Kevin if she didn’t knock it off, she knocked it off, and started actually detecting things.

            Reply ↓
        2. Pharmgirl*

          If you can make it to the end of episode 3 (I know that’s might be a lot) you get an explanation for her behavior and everything just clicks. That was right around the point I was thinking of not continuing, and then we got her backstory and the show really takes off.

          Reply ↓
    5. HannahS*

      Season 4 of Shoresy is really falling flat for me. It’s tough for shows to continue after the group Does The Thing that’s been the arc for the first 3 seasons, and I don’t think the writers have pivoted effectively. Parks and Rec did it well (continuing after Leslie gets elected) but it’s hard to do.

      Reply ↓
    6. RagingADHD*

      Really liking The Residence on Netflix.

      A quirky, classic style of “eccentric genius” detective story, set in the White House. The main sleuth is Uzo Aduba, who was wonderful in Painkiller, the “Watson” character is Randall Park, and the victim (who dies immediately at the beginning of Ep 1 so it’s not a spoiler) is Giancarlo Esposito.

      The whole cast is fantastic, and the writing is clever.

      Reply ↓
    7. L. Ron Jeremy*

      watched the first two episodes of the Residence on Netflix last night. so good in a Agatha Christie kind of way.

      Reply ↓
    8. TimeTheydySkooter*

      I mostly watch documentaries and docu-series, they’re great for knitting to, so I’ve been watching Drain the Ocean and quite enjoy it. If you like history and archeology and putting together clues it’ll probably be for you. It’s on Disney+

      Reply ↓
    9. amoeba*

      Almost done with Severance, season 2, and it’s really as good as everybody’s been saying!

      Apart from that, we’ve started season 2 of Shrinking and so far it’s fine – not amazing, but entertaining enough.

      Also, season 2 of Machos Alfa, a Spanish series about a group of friends in Madrid struggling with the concept of modern-day manhood. Not super deep but quite fun, I’m enjoying it a lot!

      Reply ↓
  11. Jackalope*

    Reading thread! Share what you’ve been reading, and give or request recs.

    I’m blanking on what I read earlier this week, but I know I finished Ravenhall by Kalyn Josephson last night. It’s a light fantasy middle grade reader which is less my thing these days, but it was a fun book and I enjoyed it. The plot involved fun magic, a (sort-of) cat, and two teens who had realistic problems and were fun to spend time with. Would recommend for anyone who’s into that style of book.

    Reply ↓
    2. Teapot Translator*

      I read the second book in a series where Angela Merkel has retired to a small village in Germany and solves murders. It’s by David Safier. I read it in the French translation. It doesn’t seem to have been translated in English. They’re not good books, but they’re fun?

      Reply ↓
    3. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

      Finished *Everyone on this Train is a Suspect*. I liked it pretty well.

      I am now in the middle of *What Happened to Ruthy Ramirez*, a Pen/Faulkner award-winning book by Claire Jimenez. I found it sort of at random in a big box store where I did not expect to find books at all, let alone really good books, but I am enjoying this book a lot. It is about the disappearance and potential re-appearance many years later of a Puerto Rican teenager from Staten Island in the 1990s/early 2000s, and it is told from the perspectives of different family members, each with their own distinct voice and issues.

      That book is flying by, so I also picked up Jessica Hagedorn’s *The Gangster of Love* from a take-a-book-leave-a-book shelf and I am looking forward to starting that.

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      1. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        Oh, and I’m also zipping through Betty MacDonald’s *Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle’s Magic.* Even at a rapidly advancing age, I still love that series!

        Reply ↓
        1. Mrs. Frisby*

          I should re-read the Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books! I loved them as a kid, read them in college and loved them again, but haven’t read them since.

          Reply ↓
          1. Lexi Vipond*

            Do you happen to know some very intelligent rats?

            (I feel like that Mrs Frisby had a different name in the US, so maybe not – but I loved that book!)

            Reply ↓
              2. Heffalump*

                When Ring Lardner wrote his very funny short story “Mr. Frisbie” in the 1920s, the Frisbee was decades in the future, so that was a nonissue.

                Reply ↓
              3. Bike Walk Bake Books*

                I’m in the US and definitely remember Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH. Loved that book. Time to reread!

                Reply ↓
            2. Mrs. Frisby*

              Same! It’s one of my childhood favorites and I’ve read it a few times as an adult and am happy to say it holds up quite well. I would often pretend to be Mrs. Frisby in the games I played in the backyard. And it’s definitely Frisby in the book in the U.S. which is how I will always think of her.

              Reply ↓
    4. fallingleavesofnovember*

      I’ve just started The Brothers Karamazov! I’m only about 100 pages in but really enjoying it so far. I find Russian literature has a certain tone or “flavour” that I have to be in the right mood for, but I think this has been the easiest for me to get into of all that I’ve read. As an Orthodox (Christian), there is a lot that feels familiar to me, and I’m enjoying the themes of faith doubt, and honesty within one’s self that are already emerging.

      Reply ↓
      1. Pieforbreakfast*

        If you want more, continue after it with The Brother’s K by David James Duncan. Great book about faith, family, baseball and fly fishing.

        Reply ↓
    5. GoryDetails*

      Miss Iceland by Audur Ava Olafsdottir, set in 1960s Iceland and featuring a young woman – named for a volcano – who wants to be a writer.

      Carrying-around book: Underland: A Deep Time Journey by Robert Macfarlane, which blends the author’s very poetic writing style with his fascination with the history and science of the deep places of the Earth. Utterly entrancing so far.

      Audiobook: Machine by Elizabeth Bear, narrated by Adjoa Andoh – this is one of Bear’s “White Space” novels, and is a delightful homage to James White’s “Sector General” books about a galactic hospital staffed by a wide variety of aliens. Bear’s novel includes that aspect, and throws in lots of lovely diversity-positive bits.

      Reply ↓
      1. fallingleavesofnovember*

        Loved Underland so much! It was an early pandemic book for me. I have enjoyed other Macfarlane books too, but I think Underland explored more areas that were new to me, and also so many different places and elements of the underground world. It also sent me off on a whole nature-writing kick, which is now a whole section of my bookshelf! When I read it the whole “mushrooms are amazing and we have so much to learn about/from them” was less known than it is now (I did also enjoy Merlin Sheldrake’s book Entangled Life, and if you look online he has a cool video of him playing piano alongside the electronic signals he recorded of mushrooms growing)

        Macfarlane also has a new book coming out later this year about rivers!

        Reply ↓
        1. GoryDetails*

          Entangled Life was awesome! And I’ll be watching for more Macfarlane books – his style is just delicious.

          Reply ↓
          1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

            I encountered The Lost Words by Robert McFarlane, illustrated by Janet Morris, in a coffee shop and had to track it down because I love birds, words, and poetry. It’s gorgeous and the back story is fascinating (and sad). From the publisher’s description page:

            “In 2007, when a new edition of the Oxford Junior Dictionary — widely used in schools around the world — was published, a sharp-eyed reader soon noticed that around forty common words concerning nature had been dropped. Apparently they were no longer being used enough by children to merit their place in the dictionary. The list of these “lost words” included acorn, adder, bluebell, dandelion, fern, heron, kingfisher, newt, otter, and willow. Among the words taking their place were attachment, blog, broadband, bullet-point, cut-and-paste, and voice-mail. The news of these substitutions — the outdoor and natural being displaced by the indoor and virtual — became seen by many as a powerful sign of the growing gulf between childhood and the natural world.

            Ten years later, Robert Macfarlane and Jackie Morris set out to make a “spell book” that will conjure back twenty of these lost words, and the beings they name, from acorn to wren. By the magic of word and paint, they sought to summon these words again into the voices, stories, and dreams of children and adults alike, and to celebrate the wonder and importance of everyday nature. The Lost Words is that book — a work that has already cast its extraordinary spell on hundreds of thousands of people and begun a grass-roots movement to re-wild childhood across Britain, Europe, and North America.”

            Reply ↓
            1. GoryDetails*

              I have a calendar from Macfarlane and Morris, “The Lost Spells” – really lovely! Hadn’t connected it with Macfarlane’s book for some reason. Definitely someone to watch.

              Reply ↓
              1. fallingleavesofnovember*

                There are also two lovely albums of songs inspired by the Lost Words called “Spell Songs”. The Blessing is my favourite – listening in the early days of the pandemic, it really did feel like a comforting lullaby.

                Reply ↓
                1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

                  In the serendipity that is life, the newest issue of Emergence Magazine has this piece:

                  Song of the Cedars: A Conversation with Giuliana Furci, Robert Macfarlane, César Rodríguez-Garavito, and Cosmo Sheldrake

                  “Bringing in the voice of the forest, four members of the MOTH (More Than Human) Life Collective share the story of co-composing a song with the Los Cedros cloud forest in Ecuador and explore how its authorship might be legally recognized.” Transcript + audio.

                  More about Emergence: Beautiful long-form writing about ecology, culture, and spirituality; published the original essay by Robin Wall Kimmerer on the serviceberry that led to the book with an audio of her reading it that I read while walking through a nearby park.

      2. carcinization*

        Tomb of Dragons was great (finished it last weekend I think), and I was so happy for the main character!

        Reply ↓
    8. Flash*

      I just finished All Systems Red, the first Murderbot book. I quite enjoyed it and can’t wait for my hold on the second one to come through! The last scene really made me smile. What a character Murderbot is.

      Reply ↓
    9. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I’ve just started Scalzi’s newest, in which the moon turns to cheese and science ensues. I am also indulging my new fondness for LitRPG (Dungeon Crawler Carl fans, that’s us) with a series recommended by the DCC author called Heretical Fishing.

      Reply ↓
      2. Lemonwhirl*

        Thanks for reminding me about Scalzi’s book. My kid and I love to listen to the audiobooks when I’m driving him to swim team.

        Reply ↓
    10. Charlotte Lucas*

      Halfway through Ngaio Marsh’s Death in a White Tie.

      Also just about to start The Darling Buds of May.

      Reply ↓
    11. SemiAnon*

      Six Wakes by Mur Laffertey – basically a country house murder mystery but in space, with clones, the victims are the ones who are trying to solve the mystery, and everyone, including the ship’s AI, has amnesia. A fun read.

      Also The Tomb of Dragons by Katherine Addison, the third in the Cemeteries of Amalo series, and an excellent conclusion.

      Reply ↓
    12. Josephine Beth*

      Just finished The Last Murder at the End of the World, which came highly recommended by my local librarian after we got to talking about our shared love of dystopian novels. I probably would never have found it on my own but absolutely loved the writing style. Definitely some “yikes, that hits too close to home these days” moments, but that’s likely true of most dystopian books right now!

      Reply ↓
    13. goddessoftransitory*

      Three quarters through Butter, by Asako Yuzuki. Fascinating stuff and very good at blending mental states with an intriguing mystery.

      At night I’m reading The History of the World in 10 1/2 Chapters by Julian Barnes. If I had to describe it I would say “Interesting.” That’s usually damning with faint praise, but it is. I’m not forming any kind of big emotional connection with it but I keep reading on and on.

      Reply ↓
    14. Lizard*

      The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley: Finished, and I did not like it. But I know that at least one person in my book club did, so it should at least be an interesting discussion.

      The City of Brass by SA Chakraborty: Finished, and I DID like it. The beginning was a little slow, but I think the author did a great job building out the complex politics in the world. In a lot of fantasy books, I feel like there’s a clear “good side” and “bad side” (or at least there’s a side that I feel the most attached to). But you get two points of view in this book, and it’s a lot more along the lines of ‘Group X doesn’t like Group Y because they attacked them, but group Y attacked Group X because they were treating Group Z badly.’ So by the end, you aren’t on either side (or you’re on both sides).

      All Fours by Miranda July: Currently reading – it’s very weird. But I think the writing is pretty good so far. This will also be a good bookclub discussion.

      The Women by Kristin Hannah: Just started this, so I don’t have much of an opinion, but I’ve heard good things!

      Reply ↓
    15. Mrs. Frisby*

      I’m decently far into Everything Is Tuberculosis, John Green’s new book about … tuberculosis. Medical history is very much my jam; I’m fascinated by how we used to try to cure diseases and how much disease shapes history. And I’ve always enjoyed John Green’s writing so this is pretty much a home run for me. It’s sad and infuriating to learn about tuberculosis in our current era and how while we have the ability to cure it the whys of why we haven’t. Both good as medical history and as a look at the systemic problems of curing diseases today.

      Reply ↓
    16. Jackalop*

      Just remembered one of my books from earlier this week: Whispers of You, by Catherine Cowles. It’s a suspense romance novel, and my feelings were mixed. For the prologue I was… not convinced. Then the first two chapters I kind of rolled my eyes at the characters, but there was still something there that drew me, so I kept reading. Then about chapter 3 or 4 I got hooked and didn’t want to put it down… until the ending, which threw me out of the story.

      The idea is that the romantic leads are dating in high school and have been friends forever. Then in the prologue someone breaks into the female lead’s house and shoots her, as a part of a spree of shootings in their small town. She survives (hence the rest of the book), but their relationship breaks down and they go their separate ways (for awhile). Then several years down the road it seems that someone related to the original shootings is back, and bringing more violence. All well and good for a story, and I enjoyed the way their relationship came back to life again. That part was great. But I found the murderer to be implausible, and that made it hard to go along w/ the last 30-40 pages or so.

      Reply ↓
    17. Forensic13*

      I’m writing a haunted house book and reading classic gothic novels to help with the vibes and because one of the characters is reading them. So now I’m on Wuthering Heights, which I’ve avoided before on my reading of “classics,” and I actually like it quite a bit! I know it’s a classic for a reason, but I assumed that I would be annoyed, based on how people discuss it. Partially it’s my amusement toward how weird some of the normal tropes of that time seem to me (why yes, the narrator is a random dude for the beginning. Why? I dunno. Because. Deal with it). But also I see now why people have been fascinated by the characters for so long. My main gripe is the awful way that the dialogue of the one guy is rendered, that thing where his accent is entirely translated into the dialogue, with a bunch of misspellings and broke-up words, etc.

      Reply ↓
        1. Charlotte Lucas*

          My favorite haunted house book!

          And read some MR James, too. He tends more towards haunted objects, but still great.

          Reply ↓
        2. Forensic13*

          I adore Shirley Jackson! Definitely the horror author I’d like to write like the most.

          I was not a fan of The Turning of the Screw. I think it suffers a lot out of its original context.

          Reply ↓
    18. Teacher Lady*

      I just finished Linda Holmes’ new novel Back After This, which was delightful and frequently laugh-out-loud funny. Also finished Death in the Downline by Maria Abrams (recommended) and DNFed The Love Simulation by Etta Easton (not for me, but might be for you if you love forced proximity and workplace romance as tropes).

      Currently reading Beyond a Reasonable Stout by Ellie Alexander, which is a cozy mystery in which the heroine runs a microbrewery (so it’s full of loving descriptions of beer and brewing, in addition to the murder stuff). I’m also going to start either River of the Gods by Candice Millard (about the search for the source of the Nile) or Written in the Waters by Tara Roberts (about diving for the wrecks of slave ships) this afternoon.

      My goal is to finish all three by Tuesday so I can jump into my Arab-American Heritage Month reading list! I’m stopping by the library today to grab my first batch of books for that challenge.

      Reply ↓
    19. RussianInTexas*

      Finished The Broken Earth trilogy. It was very good, although some very dark and disturbing moments.
      I did like how it was very different from the standard fantasy that I rarely truly enjoy.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rogue Slime Mold*

        I liked The Goblin Emperor as a different take on fantasy. Usually it’s better to focus on a side character, who has more scope to shift things than the very powerful. In this our hero starts as a minor side character in the view of everyone, until everyone between him and the throne is mowed down, and he is very clear that his options are “emperor” and “corpse of someone with too good a claim to the throne to leave alive.” Figuring out where he can make a difference, and where the machinery of the state is outside his control, was a new take for me.

        Reply ↓
    20. TimeTheydySkooter*

      Currently reading Strange Practice, by Vivian Shaw, and quite enjoying it. It’s about a doctor who treats the undead (vampires, mummies, werewolves, ghouls, etc.) but something is killing people and attempting to kill the undead in her city and she winds up in the middle of trying to figure out what’s going on. It’s the first in a series and I already know I want the rest

      Reply ↓
    21. CityMouse*

      I read A Sorceress Comes to Call by T Kingfisher and it just never quite landed for me.

      I’m also reading The Anarchy about the East India Company and am enjoying it.

      Reply ↓
      1. Forensic13*

        I agree about Sorceress Comes to Call! I think it was the romance between the second POV and her love interest. Their romance was perfectly fine and sweet, but I couldn’t make myself invest any concern about the things keeping them apart, which often seemed artificial. They were things that would make sense in other stories with other characters, but I felt like the book spent both not enough time setting them up and too much time trying to make me care about them.

        Reply ↓
        1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

          Sort of a spoiler so I’m hitting the enter key a few times…. I love T. Kingfisher/Ursula Vernon and just finished this book. This is a helpful insight.

          There was a sentence toward the end about getting what she wanted and yet they hadn’t really unpacked her underlying issues around body image and aging. I sort of felt some critical scene or conversation had been cut that would have made that moment more believable.

          Reply ↓
          1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

            Well, just learned that apparently any extraneous hard returns get deleted when the comment posts. Guess I should have dropped some ellipses droppings.

            Reply ↓
    22. Nervous Nellie*

      One for me this week. My Penguin is The Custom of the Country, a lesser known story by Edith Wharton. Grating antihero Undine Spragg exploits and tosses everyone she meets in a gritty, determined quest to climb the social ladder. It reads like an episode of Sex and the City. Undine would be the ultimate influencer.

      Sofia Coppola mentioned in the foreword her plan to bring the book to the screen. Since then, Apple TV execs passed on it with her because they found Undine to be too dislikeable! Apparently only dislikeable men like Tywin Lannister and Tony Soprano are ready for their closeup. Undine is fascinating – strongly recommended.

      Reply ↓
      1. GoryDetails*

        I love Wharton’s books in general, and Custom of the Country is among my favorites. Yes, Undine’s pretty awful, though her situation does influence both the choices she makes and her ignorance of some of the likely outcomes – and I couldn’t look away!

        Reply ↓
      2. goddessoftransitory*

        Undine’s apparently named after for the classical water nymph of ancient Greece, who lack immortal souls and can only gain one by marriage to a mortal. Makes her quest for a hottie rich guy even more amazing.

        Reply ↓
    23. Hoary Vervain*

      Finished Temeraire and loved it! I’m a little nervous about continuing the series because others here have cautioned me that they were darker and they didn’t like the other books as much, but I think I’m going to put my trust in Naomi Novik (who is quickly becoming one of my favorite writers) and at least try. I made it through the Broken Earth Trilogy, so Temeraire is going to have to take a *really* hard left turn to get too grim for me.

      I’m a few chapters into the Village Library Demon-Hunting Society and liking it. I think it’s starting to be heat up and I’m getting an idea of what’s happening, but alas, it is the weekend and my husband is busy so I can only read in snatches as the kids let me. On Tuesday, when spring break is over and these munchkins head back to school, I have a serious date planned with my couch, my kindle, my dog, and some tea.

      Reply ↓
      2. Reba*

        For me, I remember some of the Temeraire series being uneven and “all middle,” but I’m glad I read them all. It becomes kind of a travelogue, now they’re in a war on this continent, now they’re in a war on that continent… but it made the characters’ political awakening and the series ending satisfying. It’s set in wartime, I don’t think it’s particularly dark given that?
        I like that the central relationship is a friendship, not a romance, and the conflicts are really around ethics (not just winning/losing battles).

        Reply ↓
    24. old curmudgeon*

      I read John Scalzi’s newest book “When the Moon Hits Your Eye” this week. It was classic Scalzi, meaning light, snarky popcorn reading, though because of the way he told the story, it really underscored his biggest weakness as a writer.

      Scalzi only writes in one voice – his own. No matter who the character is in a book he writes – good guy, bad guy, politician, professor, scientist, teenager, senior citizen – all characters speak in his voice. It means that his characters are very two-dimensional and cartoon-like, which is what I think keeps his fiction in the popcorn category; you just can’t take a story seriously when Every Single Character speaks and thinks in the same voice.

      The reason this weakness is particularly evident in “When the Moon Hits Your Eye” is that every chapter (30 of them) is a sort of mini-vignette about different characters. There is a little bit of crossover where a character might appear in more than one chapter, but the total cast in the book contains probably 60 or 70 different people – ALL of whom talk in Scalzi’s voice. I found it really hard to keep track of which version of Scalzi I was reading about in any given chapter as a result.

      Despite the complete lack of character development, it’s not a terrible book, though the premise (that the moon turns into cheese for one full lunar cycle) is beyond ridiculous. But Scalzi is good at poking fun at himself, so he makes the premise at least kind of work. And as usual, he ensures that at least one arrogant billionaire is killed in a spectacularly ridiculous manner, so there’s that.

      TL;DR. If you’re looking for a fast, light read with a few good laughs, give “When the Moon Hits Your Eye” a try. If you’re bothered by cartoon-like characters and completely impossible plot points, you’ll probably want to take a pass on it.

      Reply ↓
    25. Bluebell Brenham*

      Picks and Shovels, the latest Martin Hench book by Cory Doctorow, was excellent! It’s his origin story, so no need to read the previous ones in the story. Quite a few strong female characters in a book that features the rise of the SF/Silicon Valley computer scene. Also this week I read Last Room on the Left by Leah Konen, a decent thriller. Plus I finished The Martian Contingency by Mary Robinette Kowal. Also quite good.

      Reply ↓
    26. cleo*

      I’ve read 3 books for the readathon for trans rights (ends Mon 3/31):

      A Gentleman’s Gentleman by TJ Alexander – lovely queer and trans Regency romance

      World Running Down by Al Hess – heartwarming and hopeful m/m romance between a trans salvager and an AI android in a post apocalyptic, Mad Max like world (just don’t read the spoiler-y last 2/3rds of the blurb).

      What It Takes to Heal: How Transforming Ourselves Can Change the World by Prentis Hemphill – I actually started this in Feb and have been savoring it but I pushed myself to finish it this week so I could count it.

      Reply ↓
    27. chocolate muffins*

      Hello Beautiful, which I’ve seen suggested on here. I knew going in that it was based on Little Women or had some similarities to it so I read the first chapter or two trying to map the two stories on to each other – like, trying to figure out which sister in Hello Beautiful coresponded to which character in Little Women, and what part of Little Women that chapter was trying to retell, etc. That made it hard to engage with Hello Beautiful, but I got much more into it once I started reading it for its own self instead of trying to map on to Little Women the whole way through. I’m about halfway through now and am not really seeing the point of connecting back to that earlier book (why not just write a novel about some sisters without trying to connect to a different novel about other sisters?) but maybe it will become more clear to me after I finish.

      Reply ↓
      1. Jackalope*

        I’ve found that Little Women seems to resonate a lot with people for reasons I don’t entirely understand. I liked it just fine, but I read it once and was done with it (my personal favorite, rereading over and over again, Louisa May Alcott book was Eight Cousins). But for many people LW touched something very deep in their hearts and they want to keep hearing that story.

        Reply ↓
        1. cleo*

          I had a similar experience – Little Women was fine but I loved and reread Eight Cousins and An Old Fashioned Girl

          Reply ↓
          1. Nightengale*

            Those two are definitely my favorites, I also preferred Little Men to Little Women.
            Although one of my biggest problems with Little Women was sharing a name/nickname with the character who dies.

            Reply ↓
        2. carcinization*

          The only thing I can remember is that I really wanted to try pickled limes, and my mother kept telling me they’d be gross!

          Reply ↓
    28. Don’t make me come over there*

      Just finished The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. Pretty good. Started slowly, then picked up, then went on too long, but I enjoyed exploring the world she created.

      Reply ↓
    29. carcinization*

      Just finished Tepper’s The Gateway to Women’s Country. I really like her as an author and have read many of her books, just not the super-late ones as the quality dropped off. But I had hipster-ish-ly avoided reading this one since it seemed like it was the book of hers that most folks had read if they’d only read one, or something. And… the plotting definitely wasn’t as intricate and the story wasn’t as out-there as her other stuff I’ve read, for sure, so I guess I was right! It was still a decent book and I paid less than 4 dollars for it at a used bookstore, so I don’t regret reading it, but I doubt I’ll ever re-read it or recommend it to anyone else, unlike, say, Grass, or Plague of Angels.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rogue Slime Mold*

        She had two mystery series, as AJ Orde and BJ Olyphant, that I actually like more than her sci fi stuff. The smaller scale and limits of reality worked to distill out a solid story with interesting characters.

        Reply ↓
        1. carcinization*

          Yes, I’m well aware of her entire oeuvre, but I’m not a mystery reader. I did like her (horror-ish) Crazy Carol short stories though that were written under her own name.

          Reply ↓
    30. Filosofickle*

      A book I enjoyed this week is The Glass Maker by Tracy Chevalier. It follows the life of Orsola, a daughter from a glass-making family on Murano. The framing is unusual yet not hard to follow when you’re in it because it’s well signposted — the book skips forward in time at key moments from the Renaissance to the present, but our central characters age normally so that’s only 70 or so years for Orsola and other central characters. Time moves around them, plagues come and go, civilization marches forward. It was quite interesting!

      Fun fact: Austria controlled Venice for about 20 years circa 1800. Did not know that!

      Reply ↓
      1. fallingleavesofnovember*

        Ooh I haven’t read that one yet but I’m a Tracy Chevalier fan in general – so many of her books focus on different historic “crafts” and on the lives of women.

        Reply ↓
    32. Lemonwhirl*

      I just finished “Vantage Point” by Sara Sligar. It’s like….a literary novel and a techothriller had a baby. The son of a “cursed” wealthy family is running for the Senate in Maine when damaging videos come out that could derail him. The story is told from the point of view of his younger sister, Clara, and his wife, Jess, who is also Clara’s best friend since childhood. (Jess is not generationally wealthy.) The book has everything: mystery, compelling and well-written characters, videos that might or might not be deepfakes, and many unravellings. Might be the best book I’ve read this year.

      Reply ↓
  12. Jackalope*

    Gaming thread! Share what you’ve been playing and give or request recs. As always, all games are welcome, not just video games.

    I finally finished Unicorn Overlord. I hated the final battle, but I’m glad I made it through. And it was nice to see the little bit of a surprise twist at the end that I hadn’t foreseen.

    Reply ↓
    2. TimeTheydySkooter*

      The most recent new game I finished was Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom and it delighted me. The art style was adorable, the music, as usual, was beautiful, and the game mechanics were a fun change from the usual Legend of Zelda style while still being fun and not too tricky to work with.

      Reply ↓
    3. SophieChotek*

      Board game.
      BOTANY.
      The design is lovely, very Victorian.
      Basic premise: you are a botanist racing around the globe to collect rare specimens to take back to England, in hopes of collecting enough specimens to be appointed Royal Botanist to Queen Victoria.
      It’s got elements of “Ticket to Ride” (ship/train/overland routes you need to take to get from point A to point B) and also “Deadly Dowagers” or “Vienna” when you have to spend money each turn (i.e. you need to pay your railway fee) and also need to find ways to get money (to keep moving). Various world events (a combo of made up ? and real events may help or hinder you.)

      (actually “Deadly Dowagers” is also a fun board game – you must marry the (only) Duke – but you start off as a poor young lady and must scheme your way to catch the eye of the picky Duke; so this often includes killing off rich older husbands while preserving your reputation….

      Reply ↓
    4. Shiara*

      Not everyone can make the DND session this month, so we’re doing a one shot instead. I am struggling with some major decision paralysis about what to run. Especially with the possibility of trying a different system on the table.

      Reply ↓
    5. The Dude Abides*

      Overnight rugby trip to South Bend, so I got to play competitive Modern (Magic the Gathering) Friday night in a new place.

      Did well (3-1/6-3), and got to twice beat the brakes off the deck that is on the rise (BW Ketramose) with a deck that most competitive players sledge as an “easy” or “beginner” deck (RW burn) that I’ve been playing for over a decade.

      Reply ↓
    6. UsuallyALurker*

      The Beekeeper’s Picnic was just released and I can’t recommend it enough. It’s an adorable independent point-and-click game about retired Sherlock Holmes trying to set up a picnic for Watson and having to solve mysteries to get the picnic set up. Also featuring the option to choose what form Holmes and Watson’s relationship takes.
      Full disclosure I was a Kickstarter backer, but I just want to share how good the game is. I’ve played through it once so far and it’s just so incredibly lovely.

      Reply ↓
  13. Bibliovore*

    I am going to be in NYC next week for work and it is a very different place than 15 years ago when I lived there. I am staying on the upper east side of Manhattan. For the first time in over 6 years, I will have “on-my-own” time.
    Looking for recommendations for dining alone- ramen, sushi, korean?
    I have an afternoon free- thinking of rush tickets or a museum- anything I shouldn’t miss?

    Reply ↓
    1. The Clock*

      Cannot recommend Christian Marclay’s The Clock at MoMA. It’s mesmerizing. My friend and I went a few weeks ago and watched it for five(!) hours.

      Reply ↓
    2. Lore*

      If you haven’t been to the new Whitney, a walk on the High Line and the museum is a nice spring afternoon. The Frick just reopened after an expansion and I haven’t been but have heard it’s beautiful. And totally agree on The Clock. Rush theater tickets are hit or miss but if you can get your hands on Operation Mincemeat or Death Becomes Her, they’re both very funny and entertaining in the best way.

      For Japanese food, I love Sakagura, a spot hidden in the basement of an office building near Grand Central. Koreatown near Penn Station has exploded with creativity lately—lots of good modern takes that have really expanded beyond old school Korean bbq. I can’t remember the name (might be Cho Dang Gol) but there’s a place that specializes in tofu that’s great. I also like the Singapore Hawker Market on 50 St for solo dining.

      Reply ↓
      1. Bibliovore*

        Cho Dang Gol! Oh I am so glad they are still there. This is where I fell in love with Korean food. I have been chasing a soybean stew like theirs for years.

        Reply ↓
      2. Bibliovore*

        I just made a reservation for lunch at Sakagura. This is a dream. Cold soba noodles with tempura! I could cry. This was my favorite meal in Tokyo.

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    3. Anonymous Cat*

      If you live in NY state or in NJ, the Met Museum is pay what you wish. If you’ve seen the permanent exhibits already, they regularly change the temporary exhibits and you might want to see them.

      Last time I was there I loved the (permanent) teapots exhibit!

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    4. Flower*

      If you lived there, you’ve certainly been to the Met, but staying on the upper east side you will be so close to it I would go again. It’s particularly soothing to sit in the American Wing amongst all the wonderful sculptures and Tiffany stained glass windows, I’ve found. On long trips I just buy a membership and hang out there at different times of day to see how the light changes as the sun moves across the sky outside the giant windows.

      As for food, it may not be your thing, but I love Gracie’s diner. Open 24/7, best fries I’ve ever had, and the ultimate NYC neighborhood diner vibe. Awesome people watching.

      Reply ↓
    5. Atheist Nun*

      I really enjoyed the Morgan Library’s exhibition on their first librarian, Belle da Costa Greene. You can also enjoy an afternoon tea service in their lovely atrium.

      Reply ↓
    6. Rogue Slime Mold*

      Standout meal was at Torishin, Japanese yakitori. We did the chef’s counter prix fixe and it was great, but you can also order more reasonable subsets of food.

      I really liked The Cloisters, which feels very peaceful, and is a reasonable size for an afternoon.

      Reply ↓
    7. Pam Adams*

      I follow the Tenement Museum. I’ve never actually been, but their online/virtual presence is great.

      Reply ↓
      2. Mephyle*

        The hardest part about the Tenement Museum is choosing your tour!
        I’ve only been once, and I thought, “Of course I want one of the indoor tours so I can experience the inside” but… after I was finished, I passed a group doing one of the outdoor tours, and it sounded fascinating. Almost wished I had chosen one of those instead.

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    8. Jay (no, the other one)*

      It’s on the west side and definitely a splurge, so many not fit your needs – my current fave NYC dinner is Quality Bistro. When I’m in the city alone I go there and eat dinner at the bar. They have the full menu and everything is delicious.

      Trying to figure out when I can get in to see the renovated Frick – I live about 90 minutes away and I’m a member. Hoping to get there for one of the member preview days next month. It looks amazing.

      Agree about the Whitney and the High Line.

      Reply ↓
    9. Maestra*

      Check out the TodayTix app or website for theater tickets. They usually have discounts of their fees are way less than Ticketmaster or Telecharge.

      Reply ↓
    11. Bibliovore*

      Thank you for the suggestions- my plan for my free time if all goes well is lunch at Cho Dang Gol and then onto the Morgan!

      Reply ↓
    12. WestsideStory*

      East side: Neue Gallery has the Klimts and a very nice cafe; Jewish Museum is nearby and free on Saturdays. If you’ve never been, I recommend the counter at the Oyster Bar in Grand Central for lunch or a light dinner – a bowl of soup and a glass of wine is just fine sometimes.
      If you are going to Westside for theatre (Today Tix for discounts) I would recommend Fushimi for sushi on West 43rd or my home pub, Hurley’s, on West 48th – both very friendly places with good food. I’ll be happy to join you at either for a drink, Bibliovore!

      Reply ↓
  14. Kendra*

    Thank you for letting me know us know there is a new Curtis Sittenfeld book- I adore her writing and will check this out ASAP.

    Reply ↓
  15. Porto Bound! One of these days...*

    Has anyone here gotten a residency visa in Portugal? If so, any recommendations for a good immigration lawyer? Also, if anyone has gone the Golden Visa route, any advice/words of wisdom/caution when choosing lawyers and fund options? I’m aware it is costly and time consuming but I’m trying to find proven options and people to work with, yet finding detailed information on long term performance from anyone other than someone willing to sell their services as an “advisor” has been tough.

    Any suggestions?

    Reply ↓
  16. Hoary Vervain*

    Inspired by the post about the obnoxious health food vegan – can we do a thread of our favorite vegan junk/comfort/fast food?

    My go-tos:
    – pasta with a creamy white sauce based on a roux made with vegan butter – I like to use equal parts veggie broth and ripple milk (or nutpods creamer if I’m feeling really wild) to round it out, and then will often throw in oil from a jar of sun-dried tomatoes for added umami and salt
    – homemade vegan brownies, either with olive oil or vegan butter substitute depending on how fancy I’m feeling and if I have enough butter in the house to spare. IMHO, basically any brownie recipe will work, just sub out the dairy butter for your preferred fat and the eggs for ground flax seeds/water.
    – sodelicious vanilla ice cream covered in my own proprietary chocolate shell recipe (enjoy life chocolate chunks melted with earth balance butter or just regular coconut oil)

    Reply ↓
    1. Six Feldspar*

      Not vegan but I’ve been loving pasta with hummus as the sauce all summer (jazzed up with olive oil/lemon/salt/pepper to taste, with added roasted veggies and sunflower seeds for crunch). Extra protein and hits the spot when I’m craving creamy pasta but it’s too hot for anything heavy.

      Reply ↓
      1. fallingleavesofnovember*

        Huh, that’s so interesting, I’d never think of that combo even though I will put chickpeas as protein in red sauce. I’ve posted before about a new cookbook we got call Anything’s Pastable and he has quite a few recipes that has miso for a creamy sauce (the recipes aren’t typically vegan though), which I am excited to try.

        Reply ↓
        1. Miss Dove*

          Oooh, that sounds delicious! Thanks for the recommendation. I just bought some miso for a recipe and I have lots left. This might give me something to do with it.

          Reply ↓
          1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

            I recently read a recipe for cabbage with sesame three ways: miso dressing, sesame oil, sesame seeds on top. That would be another way to use it up and that combo sounds to me like it would be good on lots of things: marinated mushrooms for starters, rice, stir-fry. I also put miso into my soups for the umami.

            Reply ↓
          2. Fellow Traveller*

            Look up Joy’s Creamy Green Pasta from Meera Sodha’s column. Spinach, miso, nutritional yeast, basil, parsley, lemon pureed into ansauce for pasta and topped with a lemon/olive combination. It is really delicious.

            Reply ↓
        2. Six Feldspar*

          I used to work at a vegetarian restaurant and loved their potato salad, but it took years to work out that they were using hummus instead of mayo. Pasta sauce wasn’t such a big jump from there

          Reply ↓
    2. Jackalope*

      I’m not vegan either but my favorite is trail mix. Not the kind with chocolate added, just dried fruit and nuts mixed together.

      Reply ↓
      1. Hoary Vervain*

        I’m not vegan either! I have a lot of vegan friends and consider myself vegan-curious, but can’t go whole-hog for a lot of reasons. I also had to cut out dairy and eggs from my diet for a few years while breastfeeding and so got lots of practice with high-calorie Vegan foods. Vegan junk food was a necessity for me during the postpartum period so it holds a very special place in my heart.

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    3. OxfordBlue*

      I have quite a lot of these up my sleeve but here are my current stand out favourites which you’ll need to look up because I’m avoiding including links to save Alison work.
      “Meera Sodha’s vegan recipe for store-cupboard spaghetti” in the Guardian newspaper.
      Just the turmeric cashews from this recipe “Lime and poppy seed slaw with curry leaf oil” on Yotam Ottolenghi’s website, I make the nuts and then pop them in a container in the fridge to snack on at odd moments.
      “Felicity Cloake’s Perfect Chocolate Sorbet” from the Guardian newspaper, if you don’t want to include the alcohol swap it for liquid glucose.
      Nigella Lawson’s “Emergency Chocolate Brownies” from her website which are not written as a vegan recipe but I think you would find it relatively easy to tweak. Her luscious vegan gingerbread is also epic but does need to be made the day before eating so I’m not sure that meets your criteria.
      I also keep Ravneet Gill’s recipe for blackberry and mint sorbet portioned out in the freezer for those odd moments when the craving strikes but again that needs to be made in advance so not sure it’s what you’re looking for but you can find it in Olive Magazine.
      Dr Rupy’s “DIY dal mix” which takes me 10 minutes and is on the BBC Food site, I do find it needs a good squeeze of lemon or lime and some salt too.
      My other vegan fallback is ready made crisps (potato chips to you) with any dip I can whizz up quickly.
      I’ve put the exact titles of the recipes I’m recommending in quotation marks to make your search easy so hope you like some of these too.

      Reply ↓
      1. CanadaGoose*

        Oooh, yes, variations on pb & j! Chickpea-flour pancakes or crepes, spread with salty peanut butter, heavy drizzle of maple syrup, and topped with whatever berries are on hand – thawed from frozen is great because they’re extra saucy.

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    5. Comfort Foods*

      Not a vegan, but I think this qualifies. I’ve been making rice with lavender chamomile tea lately. I toss a few tea bags in the water while it is boiling, remove the tea bags before adding the rice. It feels very soothing to me.

      Reply ↓
      1. Hoary Vervain*

        Oooh interesting! Chamomile and I do not get along but I love making randomly-flavored rice bowls…this just opened up a lot of avenues for experimentation!

        Reply ↓
    6. Rogue Slime Mold*

      Chocolate olive oil cake from Smitten Kitchen, which I discovered when adapting to my child’s new dairy allergy. Great for family gatherings.

      Reply ↓
      2. carcinization*

        Her Plush Coconut Cake is also vegan, and this non-vegan found it to be really good! The commenters described it as finicky but it worked out fine for me and rose beautifully!

        Reply ↓
      3. amoeba*

        Oooh, her blood orange olive oil cake is also really good, and all variations of it! (Grapefruit, lemon…) She used yoghurt but I’m sure that can easily be replaced by a vegan version, coconut-based seems like it could be great, for instance?

        Reply ↓
    7. Alex*

      I’m not vegan, but I have been making “Depression chocolate cake” for decades. I discovered the recipe as a kid and loved it because it didn’t require cracking eggs, which i was not great at, as well as having the advantage of being made of ingredients we always had on hand.

      Reply ↓
      1. Charlotte Lucas*

        I know it as Wacky Cake, and I make it regularly. Not only are there no eggs or dairy, but my recipe is all mixed in the pan, so cleanup is really easy.

        Reply ↓
    8. Noriarty*

      Can’t beat the potato. Potato chips, bbq flavor, are my absolute weakness. I moderate by accepting only the one brand that imo is the pinnacle of flavor and texture, and not all shops here carry it.
      But a mashed potato, French fries or roasted potato are all comforting too.

      Reply ↓
      1. Hoary Vervain*

        The loaded potato is probably my favorite hack, although potatoes go fast in my family so I’m more likely to have to microwave my own potato instead of finding one lying around to cover in fat and salt, which is often a barrier for me. But yes, potatoes are the best.

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    9. Dancing Otter*

      I find grapeseed oil works better in sweets than olive oil. Had a nasty surprise once putting olive oil in almond bread, though I still use olive for savory dishes and salads.
      The cost is comparable, when you consider the price range of olive oils.

      Reply ↓
    11. Bike Walk Bake Books*

      Tofurkey Italian sausages sliced and fried, eaten with ketchup or some other kind of tomatoey sauce. I made a lot of green tomato chutney and tomato jam last year so that’s the usual dip right now.

      The gochujang tofu chunks from Vegan Richa’s recipe for Peanut Gochujang Ramen. The whole recipe is delicious and very comforting. I make just the tofu chunks every week now whether or not I make the ramen. They’re great eaten alone or on a salad, lentil/veggie bowl, whatever.

      When I plan ahead, mushroom jerky made from an old recipe on MeatFreeMom blogspot. Salty crunchy goodness. I get a big box of pre-sliced crimini from our local chef supply store to make it easy.

      I have an old cookbook The Brilliant Bean that has a recipe for chocolate black bean brownies–super texture and delicious, easily made vegan with a flax egg.

      If I’m in a cooking mood, the vegetarian chili in The Food Lab. It’s complicated and I’ve made a batch of the chili combo paste it calls for that I keep in the freezer to speed things up. Great as a chip dip!

      Reply ↓
      1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        Oh, also, the ever-delicious apple slices dipped into peanut butter with cinnamon, maybe some maple syrup too. Cosmic Crisp are the best apples (developed at my alma mater, Washington State University. Go Cougs!).

        Reply ↓
      2. Charlotte Lucas*

        I don’t care for Tofurkey products, but I do love Field Roast’s sausage options. And they have a vegan breakfast sandwich that is so good. (I’m vegetarian but not vegan.)

        Reply ↓
    12. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Turkish Lentil Balls (Vegan Mercimek Köftesi). Sometimes I don’t even make them into balls, but spoon it warm over rice. One caveat: use flat parsley not curly.

      Reply ↓
    13. Clara Bowe*

      Guacamole and chips are a personal staple for a reason. I also really love avocado toast (avocado mashed w onion and salt and Sichuan pepper, then sprinkle on a bit of Everything Bagel seasoning) with some sliced yellow tomatoes and a balsamic glaze.

      I ADORE roasted sweet potato and onion tacos with a oil, vinegar, and citrus slaw. Another great one is potato, tofu and and vegan chorizo tacos. Great breakfast taco (or burrito if you’re HUNGRY).

      For a comfort meal, I am a huge fan of sheetpan roast veggie meals. My fave is potato, onion, green bean, and sliced portobello tossed w olive oil and seasoning salt, then drizzled with a nice honey mustard vinergarette. Note: most store-brand honey is actually vegan because it isn’t from bees. Read your label ofc, but it’s usually fine. Also Bacos and fried onion bits on top give good crunch.

      Reply ↓
      1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        How can honey not be from bees?! Supermarket brands may be a honey blend masquerading as 100% honey because they have additives like corn or rice syrup, malt sweeteners, or unrefined sugar in addition to honey. If it’s labeled “ultrafiltrated” it’s suspect. “Honey laundering” is an actual crime and it’s a multi-million-dollar market.

        I understand avoiding honey but if it says anything about honey on the label, even if it’s the adulterated stuff bees were involved.

        Reply ↓
    14. HannahS*

      Potato chips. I always loved salt and vingear or ketchup, but I now find them way to strong. Now I love a Ruffles All-Dressed.

      Instant noodles. The cheap kind.

      Reply ↓
  17. MissGirl*

    I’m an already anxious person who gets even more anxious about travel. It doesn’t help my last two trips have been ruined by illness. Four years without COVID and it hit me on my first trip in a year.

    I’m taking my mom to Europe next week. I want it to be amazing for her. She’s getting older and I want it to be a great experience for her. Most of it is planned as it’s a river cruise, but I’m completely freaked out about things I can’t control. All of the what-ifs. I also get super nausous when I’m anxious, which makes me more anxious.

    I’m already doing all the things to to be ready. Any tips for handling the anxiety? I’m usually okay once I get there. It’s the leading up that’s the worst. I haven’t well in a week.

    Reply ↓
    1. MSD*

      What are the “what ifs”? I’ve been on Viking river cruise and it is pretty stress free. They pick you up at the airport and bring you to the boat so no worries there. The only thing I’d recommend is to take cold medicine because catching a cold seems to always happen to me. Hope that doesn’t add to your worries.

      Reply ↓
      1. MissGirl*

        It’s all of the things I have little control over. What if I get sick? What if my dog gets sick while I’m gone? What if my mom gets sick? What if one of us gets in an accident and breaks something in the next few days before we go? What if this and what if that? I spiral. I’m taking all the precautions I can; that’s not where I need the advice. It’s managing the stress level.

        Reply ↓
        2. amoeba*

          I’d try to remind myself that you’ll be in Europe – you’ll be fine! Even if any of those things happen, you don’t need to be prepared, people will help you out! Pharmacies, doctors, etc are all available and pretty similar to the US, so it won’t be extra stressful, and also, you’ll presumably have the tour guides you can always ask for help.

          Apart from that, for me it helps to keep my mind occupied with something not too hard – so maybe now is the perfect time to read the new book of your favourite romance writer or re-watch your favourite show on Netflix or read though the AAM archives?

          Reply ↓
    2. Anonymous Cat*

      A little thing I discovered—mints can help calm me. I sometimes get nauseous when I’m nervous and I found that sucking on a mint either calms me or distracts my stomach from feeling nauseous. (YMMV)

      Reply ↓
    3. Six Feldspar*

      For physical symptoms I highly recommend glace/crystallised ginger. It will help with nausea and blocked noses/sinuses, and if my brain is in a tailspin the strong flavour helps bring me back down to earth again. It’s also not messy, doesn’t go off and doesn’t need to be kept cold. For the rest – whatever worries you, the staff who work on river cruises and airports/flights have probably dealt with some version of it before and it’s their job to help you.

      Weird trick but it might work – when I went backpacking alone for 18 months, the last film I watched with my family happened to be The Martian. It gave me a lot of confidence that people will generally help you if you’re in trouble (and it will be significantly easier than rescuing Mark Watney!)

      Reply ↓
    4. One_more_reader*

      As someone recovering from severe anxiety, I empathize. I do the generally recommended deep breathing and calming self-talk. Also, a lavender inhaler helps a lot. Shaped like a tube of lip balm. Deep inhale in especially anxious moments. Lavender is calming, also effective for nausea. Kept a journal, and wrote out anxious thoughts and what-if scenarios. Then the best things that happened that day. And walking, so many steps. These activities helped. Let go, let life, let love. And enjoy your trip. Good luck from an anxious internet stranger.
      https://www.amazon.com/Organic-Aromatherapy-Lavender-Allergy-Inhaler/dp/B07G4KJKYT/ref=sr_1_8?sr=8-8

      Reply ↓
    5. Ellis Bell*

      How good are you at spotting the early signs that a spiral might be imminent? Do you notice the difference in breathing or does your inner voice get more negative? It’s easier to turn off the inner burglar alarm if you do it when it’s still at the gentle pip-pip stage rather than a full blown siren. It’s okay to have a critical inner voice, but you do have to stand up to it, and tell it that you actually don’t need a full blown fight or flight response right now, thanks for checking in though. Get your “alarm turn off” scripts ready: “Yes, I might get sick, but the precautions for that are in place.” “Thanks for asking, jerk voice, but my dog’s care is covered”. “I’m going to feel proud of myself for being prepared, if the worst happens”. Say these things repetitively until they are more reflexive than the negative thought patterns. Some people find breathing and concentrating on not thinking at all easier than redirections, but everyone is different and it takes time to find a solution. If you’re sick with mental health issues, give yourself just as much grace and kindness as if you were physically sick. Also, don’t forget to anticipate having a great time, whenever you feel you can.

      Reply ↓
    6. Yes yes yes*

      I agree about the staff being maximally helpful for unexpected things happening on or during your trip. My grandparents went on one too many, so to speak: my grandfather had real issues on the last one and they pulled out all the stops to help. We were all very thankful!

      Reply ↓
    7. Jay (no, the other one)*

      Does meditation in any form work for you? I find that focusing on my breathing helps me a lot even if it’s just closing my eyes and paying attention to my breath for four or five deep breaths. If I have time and I’m alone, I will do a guided meditation from the Calm app. Silent meditation is not my thing. Guided visualization with the right kind of voice is much better for me.

      Other things that help me when I’m feeling anxious and can’t do anything about the underlying whatever: get outside, ideally walking. Listen to music, especially the Brandenburg Concerti played as loud as I can. Work on something that demands my full attention, which for me is usually a really difficult crossword puzzle or something intricate with my hands, like baking something complicated.

      And I also use medication for anxiety. I take an antidepressant regularly and I also have medication I can use as needed for anxiety. If the anxiety is making it difficult to sleep or get things done, I have no shame about a little pharmacological help to break the cycle.

      Reply ↓
    8. Bluebell Brenham*

      Good for you for doing all the things! For the “what if I get sick” worries, here are a few tips: have a variety of masks so you and mom could comfortably mask in airports- that’s probably the biggest source of germs. Also take a box of Covid tests just in case. This week you could drink elderberry echinacea tea- even though it’s not clinically tested, many people believe it boosts immunity, and it does have a nice fruity taste. I also find sipping tea can be really calming. I agree with other advice about breathing exercises. If you haven’t read it already, Elizabeth McCracken’s The Hero of this Story is somewhat about a trip to England she takes with her elderly mother. It’s lovely.

      Reply ↓
    9. Rogue Slime Mold*

      I am really glad you are doing this with your mom. With my late mother, we had all these plans around “After my father passes and she is able to travel, we will take her on these great trips” that ran into a shredder of other life events.

      For anxiety, it can help to map out the worst case scenario: Whatever the thing you’re worried about is, if it happened, how bad would it be? (Often the answer is that it would be inconvenient.) What contingencies can you plan ahead for? (Like when we went to Costa Rica, sound advice was to pack a generous first aid kit so if someone bloodied a knee, you weren’t spending half the day finding a drug store with big, good quality, waterproof bandages.)

      Reply ↓
    10. Covid-free*

      I think folks have given great pre-trip suggestions and I second ginger (I’m a fan of the Newmans mints) and also recommend Dramamine for nausea — I get motion sickness and migraines and the nausea with both can be debilitating.

      You said you’re taking precautions — I’m hoping that means you and your mom have plans to mask on planes and transit and preferably indoors wherever possible? (I have advice about how I managed this on a ten day trip to Europe and didn’t get sick!)

      I ask though because that’s what helped me manage some of my stress, before and during. Knowing that I was doing what was in my control (consistent masking) to avoid getting sick let me enjoy the trip. I would’ve still of course been upset if I had gotten sick, but I was less anxious throughout when someone coughed or sneezed near me, or I was in a crowd, because I could be reasonably sure I had taken enough care.

      More generally for travel like this I find it really helpful to have big picture logistics set in stone (hotels, tickets for trains and planes, advance tickets for any Must Sees) and then to give myself permission to go with the flow in between. If I don’t have Expectations of what a particular day will look like, I don’t get disappointed and I’m open to quirky and unexpected experiences.

      When traveling with someone else the key thing I think is to know in advance where your expectations and needs diverge. I get hangry so food and snacks are a must. My mom can’t walk as far or as fast so bus tours have been helpful when we traveled together. A friend loves walking tours — I was willing to go on them but didn’t want to be the one to look them up or book them. And if your interests diverge and you’re comfortable going your separate ways for a few hours, that causes much less stress than sitting through their boring thing so you can drag them to yours.

      Some of this you probably already know since it’s your mom, but it doesn’t hurt to have conversations about expectations and needs ahead of time. It might allow you to focus some of the anxiety brain on doing a little planning that will help the trip go well, instead of it just spinning into all the things that could go wrong (something I totally have done in other situations).

      I hope you have a wonderful trip!!

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    11. The teapots are on fire*

      I like to cut off the next step in the spiral. The fear isn’t that something might happen, but that if it does, you won’t be able to handle it. So when I’m worried about this, that, or the other thing that might happen, I just explain to myself that I’m really good at adulting when the chips are down and I’ll be able to handle whatever it is. It won’t be fun and it may cast a shadow over the trip, but I’ll definitely be able to figure out what to do.

      Reply ↓
    12. Fellow Traveller*

      My Husband goes to his doctor and gets a prescription for Xanax for when we take big international trips.
      Not sure if that’s even a helpful suggestion for you, but it works really well for him.

      Reply ↓
    13. Wandering Hobbit*

      One thing I’ve found helpful is, when I’m worrying about what if’s (for me they’re usually worst case scenarios) is to remind myself of the less worse case ways that things might play out.

      Reply ↓
    14. Middle Aged Lady*

      All good suggestions. I also do this: if I have prepared with travel insurance, masks and sanitizer, instructions to whoever’s watching my pets, there is nothing else I can do. So I tell myself there is a structure in place for all these eventualities. Someone else who’s a pro has figured out that if you get sick, you call this number and cancel, if doggo gets sick, your dogwatcher/vet will know what to do, the river cruise staff will help, and so on. I also tell myself that people have travelled for millenia, on wooden ships, horses and on foot, and I can handle this!!
      Then I review all the good reasons I am making the trip.
      Have fun!

      Reply ↓
    15. Still*

      The main thing that helps my anxiety is journaling by hand. Once my worries are committed to paper, my brain seems to be able to calm down a little.

      Reply ↓
    16. Janesfriend*

      I do this grounding exercise when I feel anxious/spiralling thoughts:
      Name (out loud is best, but still works if it’s in my head) 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can touch and 1 thing you can taste, at that moment (so not 5 things it is possible to see, 5 things you can actually see at that moment).

      I also make up NYT connections puzzles in my head. I do this if I’m having trouble sleeping with intrusive thoughts too)

      Both help me and I hope they’ll help you. But mostly, I’ve travelled a lot and everything is solvable. If things happen they happen, and you *will* be able to deal with it.

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    17. chocolate muffins*

      For the “what if” worries, would it help to follow the thought to the end, with logic? Like, make a plan for what you would do if you got sick, or if some specific thing went wrong on the trip. I find it helpful to have a plan in my head even if I never need to use it. Maybe think about the worst thing that could happen and make a plan for what you would do if that thing occurred. You could also think about what else might happen that isn’t so bad. Like, “Okay, the worst thing that I can imagine happening is that I get COVID. If that happens, I will do XYZ things (get Paxlovid from my doctor? maybe you can get a prescription in advance just in case? ask a friend to be on call in case you need practical help or emotional support? get ahead on your work so you feel you can take off sick time without worrying about getting behind?). But, another option is that I *don’t* get COVID. Maybe I will have an amazing trip and not get sick! Here’s what that might look like…” and then go through in your mind what a good scenario would be, like really deeply imagine it so that your body can feel what a good option would feel like.

      For the physical sensations of anxiety, I find that warm baths calm me down. I like to read novels when I’m in the bath which might give your brain something else to focus on. AOC did a video when RBG died, I think, where she talked about putting her face in cold water to manage the physical anxiety symptoms. Completely opposite approaches but maybe one might work for you?

      Reply ↓
      1. chocolate muffins*

        Oh, maybe also think about times in the past when you have handled something you were worried about, to remind yourself that you can manage hard things? And/or think about times when you were worried about something but everything turned out okay, to remind yourself that that’s possible too?

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  18. Rooster Reprieve*

    I posted last week about my rooster getting into it with one of my hens, and I’m pleased to report that they have sorted it out and all is calm in our little flock again.

    For those of you who are interested in the chicken drama in more detail: basically, the rooster is a juvenile (and a white silkie so just… the most ridiculous looking creature you’ve ever seen) who is coming into his own and I’m pretty sure the alpha hen found him too saucy. They were beating up on each other pretty bad, so I put set up a large pen for him next to the coop and explained to my young kids, “If you hurt the girls, you go to the jail.” After a couple of days, I let him rejoin the group and after some minor squabbling, the new order has emerged that he may now flirt with the bottom TWO hens on the pecking order, not just the bottom one, and he will mostly leave the higher hens alone. And the children learned, “After you learn your lesson and show you can get along with everyone, you get out of jail.”

    We’ve only had chickens for the past two months and I have to say, I am shocked by how utterly delighted I am by them. I was afraid it might just be another chore, but I like taking care of them, and I love seeing them outside and I’m pretty fascinated by their politics. They have also been amazing with the kids and we’re all spending more time outside.

    Who else has chicken tales to share?

    Reply ↓
    1. Anonymous Cat*

      How many hens do you have? I’m guessing at least four? The two he can flirt with and two he can’t?

      Chicken politics!!

      Reply ↓
      1. Double A*

        There are five hens! So three he can’t flirt with. We’ll see if he makes a move up the chain as he matures a bit more.

        Reply ↓
    2. tangerineRose*

      I don’t have any good stories about this but am very interested in more!

      When I was a teenager, we had some ducks and some chickens. The ducks were pretty friendly. The chickens weren’t.

      Reply ↓
      1. Forrest Rhodes*

        When I was a kid, somehow we ended up with a duck, drake, and some ducklings living in our big backyard (despite the fact that we lived in the middle of a big city).

        I was surprised when it became obvious that we had to keep the drake away from the ducklings because he kept attacking them. We ended up having two widely separated pens: one for him, one for the duck and ducklings.

        That didn’t completely solve the problem, though, because every time we let the duck and ducklings out to roam the backyard, the little ones would immediately make a beeline for the drake’s pen and try to work their way inside—while my brothers and I were desperately trying to herd them away, telling them, “No, no! You don’t want to *do* that!”

        Eventually, the whole duck family went to live on a friend’s farm—no, really, they did; a farm outside the city belonged to a friend of my parents.

        Reply ↓
    3. Bike Walk Bake Books*

      Are you naming them? My chicken-keeping friend I mentioned in my reply last week named all her first batch of chickens after strong female characters and authors in literature.

      Reply ↓
      1. Double A*

        I had a student give me the best suggestion of all time, which is to name them after metal bands. So in my mind, I’ve got Sepultura and Bell Witch and Cannibal Corpse.

        But in actuality my kids have named them things like Daisy. But the metal bands are their last names.

        I did get the name “Limozeen” to stick for the rooster, which is a reference to this Strongbad skit: https://youtu.be/xOWyEX9Imk8?si=X2hqbHAo39HaQAQX I feel it’s appropriate because he looks like if the hair of an 80s metal singer became sentient but also slept on a mud puddle.

        Reply ↓
      2. Rooster Reprieve*

        I also googled silkies and the picture I found all show MUCH cleaner chickens. So imagine what you found but like 75% more bedraggled. Which is even funnier because he’s even less dignified.

        Reply ↓
    5. Elizabeth West*

      My ex and I had forty-five chickens at one point, along with five turkeys. We raised most of them from eggs with an incubator and a brooder. I loved them. Sometimes the chickens would mistakenly roost in the turkey house, and I would tuck them under my arm and carry them to the chicken house. They were sleepy so they didn’t struggle, lol.

      The eggs had very orange yolks — best ones I ever had since the birds ran around outside all day eating bugs and grass and stuff. We had so many eggs we ended up selling them at work. We also had several Araucana hens that laid colored eggs — blue, pink, and yellow, but mostly green. I always tried to include a green egg or two in the sale cartons.

      Someday when I have a yard again, I want to have a few chickens. You can have some in Boston (no roosters), but I have nowhere to put them!

      Reply ↓
      1. Rooster Reprieve*

        I hadn’t planned to get a rooster, but took the flock from a friend and he came with. But we live in a rural area on 5 acres and there’s lots of animals sounds around the neighborhood.

        And yes the eggs are amazing. My son loved hunting for bugs and then he’ll feed them to the chickens lol. We’re big egg eaters and while this is in no way cheaper than the grocery store yet (and won’t be until they’ve laid a good 1200+ eggs…), it’s so much tastier.

        Reply ↓
      2. goddessoftransitory*

        You aren’t the secret reincarnation of Laurie Colwin, are you? :)

        In her book Home Cooking she’s got a chapter on eggs (written before Free Range was a thing outside foodie/hippie circles) and points out that the freer the bird and the better their diet, the oranger -yolked and tastier the eggs!

        Reply ↓
    6. Shiny Penny*

      Your little rooster sounds hilarious— bedraggled, but with attitude! That was NOT what I pictured from your initial post!

      I once had a huge red rooster who was excellent at his job. He hunted for tempting bugs to give his eight wives, shut down any hen-fights, and kept a wary eye out for predators.
      One afternoon there was a big ruckus outside— that distinctive explosion of noisy chicken hysteria that really lights a fire under any experienced chicken keeper. Because 9 chickens can periodically be noisy, but “WE ARE ABOUT TO DIE” is a noise on a different level.
      My German shepherd was instantly in attack mode, because he knew exactly what that particular noise meant, too. He and I rushed outside to find a red tail hawk in the chicken pen, UNDER the chickens’s tarp awning, trying to grab itself some dinner! But all the hens had rushed to safety inside the coop, and the rooster was standing in the doorway, blocking the little door with his body. Hackles up, wild-eyed and shrieking bravely! While the huge hawk flapped and lunged repeatedly! Each time the hawk lunged, the rooster would meet it with beak and claws and repel the attack, but the hawk was still 100% committed.
      The dog was roaring beautifully. I didn’t yell, because I didn’t want to distract the dog from doing his job— creating threatening noise was his life’s passion, and he was better at it than me anyway. He beat me to the coop, and bounced around the fence line like an enraged tornado. And then I finally arrived, waving my arms threateningly. Apparently this was finally the math that added up to the wrong answer for the hawk. Not until then did the hawk come out of its hunting brain, locate its self-preservation brain, flap awkwardly out from under the tarp, and fly away.
      Did peace descend? No it did not. The chickens continued their “OMG DID YOU SEE THAT WE NEARLY DIED” conversation for at least another hour. Chickens understand the important things in life, and they are strongly of the opinion that near-death experiences need to be discussed. At length. But they were all undamaged, even the heroic rooster! So peace did arrive before nightfall.
      I can report that the dog was wildly pleased with this entire experience. Definitely on his short-list for Best Day Ever. We did need a refresher course regarding which chicken noises deserved this FULL RED ALERT response— because “any chicken noises at all” was only going to work for one of us.
      The hawk never did return!
      And the chickens and I were very happy about that.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rooster Reprieve*

        I love it! Animals are so pleased when they get to do their jobs.

        I am not even an experienced chicken keeper and one day they started making sounds that I could immediately tell meant “THIS IS VERY ALARMING” and when I looked out the window I saw a coyote walking by! I ran downstairs to scare it away but I think just hearing the door open spooked it because I didn’t see it. I’ve seen it a few more times. But that is one of the many reasons I’m pleased to have a rooster, and the fact that he looks a bit like Rod Stewart’s hair escaped the 80s and rolled around in a puddle just makes it that much more amusing.

        Also the fact that he seems to accept people are the chief roosters and is very docile with us. Today I looked out the window to see my 4 year old hauling the rooster up the ladder of the playhouse and the rooster just accepted it.

        Reply ↓
    7. Six Feldspar*

      Thanks everyone for sharing the stories, I’m not a big fan of reality tv bit I’d happily watch every season of Keeping Up With The Kardachickens

      Reply ↓
    8. dreamofwinter*

      I was too late to reply on last week’s thread, so I’m happy to hear your chicken drama has sorted itself. You should probably not ask me for chicken tales – I have 50ish chickens, 15 ducks, and can talk about them for literally hours.

      But since you asked ;) So I love roosters (which reminds me, one of the things I mean to reply to you last week was to check out the FB group “Rooster Allies”, if you do FB – they have tons of resources for helping your roo be a good citizen). I love roosters and have currently 5 plus one that’s only 6 weeks old, so more of a proto-rooster. Over the years I’ve come to appreciate not only their beauty but also the important work they do in keeping the flock stable and safe. My largest flock has two roosters – Sweet Pea, who’s nearly 3 years old, and Luna, just coming up on a year. While the two of them occasionally have words, they have a pretty good understanding of which hens Luna is allowed to touch, etc. Today I had them out free ranging, and Sweet Pea sat down on the grass about 10 yards from Luna and had a little nap, knowing that Luna was watching the flock. Pretty good stuff.

      My two bantam roosters, on the other hand, live to fight each other and anyone else who takes the bait. I no longer react when I find one of them covered in blood – combs and wattles bleed a lot, and they’re usually fine or will be fine by morning. I suppose it’s similar to raising a house full of boys, or so my husband (eldest of 5) tells me.

      They are my absolute joy and delight – from the roosters with their distinct personalities and voices, to the hens with their gossiping and funny characters. I can’t imagine being without them! (Oh, and the eggs are pretty great too)

      Reply ↓
      1. Shiny Penny*

        Aw! I need more banty chickens in my life!

        Your roosters sound classic. I agree there’s usually more smoke than fire, when they have enough elbow room. So much rooster drama! They have IDEAS.

        We had a pretty huge group of farmyard banties when I was a kid, of all colors. They were literally ‘free-range’ in the sense that there was no coop at all. We did feed them, but they slept 50 feet up in the surrounding trees, in family groups of their own choosing. Most adult roosters had two or three hens, but there were also bachelor groups that stuck together like family.

        We kids would sneakily steal each day’s egg out of the different hidden nests (always leaving the first — dirtiest— one behind, or the hen would abandon the nest and lay in a new spot we might not find). When you went to cook with them, it was critical that the eggs were cracked one at a time into a separate bowl, because nothing is sadder than cracking a bad egg directly on top of all your other ingredients!

        We’d miss at least one or two nests every year (purely by accident) so had enough chickens that the small egg size was a decent return on the labor involved.

        Looking back, I now realize part of the success of this system reflected the really low population of hawks at that time. The hawk population was so devastated by DDT exposure that we hardly ever saw one. Each sighting was magical to us (even though they were after our chickens). In the same location 50 years later, red tails and coopers, and even eagles, are actually common! This gives me a tiny measure of hope for the future.

        There was also, I found out years later, an old retired farmer down the way whose hobby was reducing the local coyote population as they crossed his field at night. Between that and our loose farm dogs, nothing was much of a threat to our chickens. The same cannot be said today! These days it’s all two by fours and hardware cloth, between the coyotes, the hawks, and the bobcats!

        Reply ↓
  19. Going Underground*

    Hello, I’m hoping someone who works for the relevant government dept might be able to offer some ESTA advice, please!

    We’re travelling to the US from the UK in May for a family holiday.

    In the UK we need to apply for an ESTA (visa waiver) before travelling to the US, and US Immigration are notoriously strict about the entry rules.

    We’ve moved home since obtaining our previous ESTAs, and the home address information cannot be amended/updated once the ESTA has been obtained.

    I’ve searched the official ESTA website to try to find out if we must apply for new ESTAs, or if the old ones will be OK to travel on, but can’t see that this is addressed anywhere. Can anyone advise, please?

    I’ve checked the FAQs and emailed the relevant dept quite a time ago, but haven’t had a reply. I don’t want to assume the old ESTAs will be ok and be denied entry!

    In a related question, my son’s girlfriend’s ESTA expires either just after we’re due to return, or a day or so before we leave the US. Does the ESTA need to be valid for a certain period after your planned trip, or for the duration of your trip, or it doesn’t matter if it expires whilst you’re in the US, as long as it’s valid on your entry date?

    We can apply for and buy new ESTAs before we travel, but would rather not if it’s not necessary!

    Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer :)

    Reply ↓
    1. WS*

      ESTA only needs to be valid on entry but they can’t stay for more than 90 days. If your passport has been changed in any way you probably need a new ESTA.

      Reply ↓
      1. Going Underground*

        Thanks WS, I hoped it only needed to be valid on entry.

        We’ve not had to change our passports since moving as they don’t contain home address information, so all our passport info is the same; but you’re right, if I’d got a new passport or changed any of the info on my passport I’d definitely need a new ESTA too.

        Thanks for taking the time to reply :)

        Reply ↓
    2. Roland*

      I don’t have personal experience with this exact situation. But it seems to me to be a case of, how would they know where in the UK you now live? Continue filling out the old address on any trip-related paperwork you might need to show them. Enjoy your holiday!

      Reply ↓
    3. Ellis Bell*

      Surely the address was just for checking your identity, history or credentials? It seems like your previous address would be way more useful for that then your new one.

      Reply ↓
    4. Undine Spragg*

      The website says you need to reapply if your answers to questions about *eligibility* changed. I haven’t looked at those questions but they are probably pretty generic (country of citizenship, country of residence) and not specific (like, it wouldn’t be you are eligible for a visa but your neighbor isn’t.)

      Reply ↓
    5. Undine Spragg*

      (Alison, you can knock this out if it’s too political.)

      Bear in mind that you are going to be going to a country that is currently engaged in a show of anti-immigrant action. Among other things, border agents have the right to search all electronic devices of non-citizens and they have turned away at least one person based on finding messages they don’t like. The chances that this will happen to you may be small, but you may want to consider how to keep yourselves safe in this contingency, especially when travelling with teenagers (and doubly if either of them is under 18). If you want to go that route, the following article discusses prepping your phone and also has links to further resources:

      https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2025/mar/26/phone-search-privacy-us-border-immigration

      Reply ↓
      1. Anon because federal government is running amok*

        I read this as a US citizen because I’m going to be traveling internationally and don’t trust that my rights will be protected when I come back into the country.

        Reply ↓
        1. Elizabeth West*

          Get a burner phone to take with you. Leave your actual phone at home. Give all your peeps the burner number in case you have to call them (so they know it’s you), and tell them not to text you any memes or anything on it. If you take a laptop, make sure it doesn’t have anything on it that could be an issue.

          Reply ↓
      2. Hastily Blessed Fritos*

        They can actually demand to search the devices of returning US citizens, too. They can’t deny re-entry, but they can confiscate your device if you refuse.

        Reply ↓
    6. Seeking Second Childhood*

      I would definitely make sure everybody has several days’ buffer at the end of the trip in case of travel delays.

      And get as strong travel insurance as you can with changeable tickets & hotel rooms.

      Reply ↓
  20. CuriousLemur*

    I usually really enjoy watching Pierce Brosnan, but on Mama Mia, he made it clear that he really, really can’t sing. I googled it but still can’t understand why they couldn’t have let someone else do the singing. Am I missing something?

    His character was great in that movie though.

    Reply ↓
      1. Jackalope*

        But in a musical, it doesn’t matter if your character isn’t a musician. You still need to be able to sing.

        Reply ↓
          1. SophieChotek*

            He mastered the art of talk-singing that role. And now it’s sound quite odd to hear it actually sung the way it was written. I’ve heard a few actors sing the role more than Rex Harrison did but never truly sung through, except on a studio recording

            Reply ↓
    2. Anonymous Cat*

      I thought that was on purpose? I heard somewhere he was kind of embarrassed to do the song but they wanted it.
      Don’t know if that story is true.

      Reply ↓
    3. LBD*

      In Mamma Mia 2, they wrote his part as a non-singing singer part, with much less singing, and holding the mike low in some group songs!
      Apparently, when he was first approached about the original part, all he heard was ‘Meryl Streep blah blah blah’ and just accepted on the spot.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rogue Slime Mold*

        all he heard was ‘Meryl Streep blah blah blah’ and just accepted on the spot.

        Can’t fault that reasoning at all.

        Reply ↓
    4. The Prettiest Curse*

      I really love ABBA, but reports of Pierce Brosnan’s singing are the reason I’ve never seen that film!

      In a similar vein, I enjoyed Moulin Rouge except for Ewan McGregor’s atrocious singing. He’s a great actor, but they should definitely have dubbed him because he couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

      Reply ↓
      1. ecnaseener*

        Oh, don’t let that stop you from seeing it! He only sings a little bit. And he’s on-key and everything, just not the most pleasing vocal quality.

        Reply ↓
        1. WellRed*

          Agreed. The movie is delightful and his singing is minor. I mostly felt proud of him for attempting it ; )

          Reply ↓
          1. Noriarty*

            agree. It’s endearing to see him try his best and still not be great. Gives an approachable quality to Mister Flawless.

            Reply ↓
          2. Goldfeesh*

            Exactly. His no ability to sing just makes him more charming. I saw him on David Letterman promoting Mamma Mia and it was hilarious. Letterman at one point asks him to do a song and tells Paul Schaffer to get ready. The look of *pure panic* on Brosnan’s face was priceless.

            Reply ↓
        2. Charlotte Lucas*

          According to the commentary on Remington Steele, he does, however, know how to eat fire, which is included in one episode.

          Reply ↓
      2. Rogue Slime Mold*

        I really enjoyed the movie, and it is aimed dead center at people who grew up loving Abba songs.

        Specifically: Mamma Mia 1 I love the music and the sheer fun everyone involved has, while being annoyed at the resolution of who should and shouldn’t get married. Mamma Mia 2 has in theory a good plot, with Lilly James absolutely killing as a young Donna–I absolutely bought that the three guys would all think of her in a way that would lead them to jump on a wedding invitation 20 years later. But it just isn’t as fun.

        Reply ↓
      3. Jill Swinburne*

        See the film if it otherwise appeals! He’s not *that* bad, just has a completely normal person singing voice rather than a trained especially pleasing one. I never found it offensive.

        Reply ↓
    5. Yes yes yes*

      I agree, he totally can’t sing. In the Broadway musical, that character is the least musically gifted, with this gravelly voice (at least the times I saw it, if I recall correctly, that was on purpose). That said, it was definitely waaaay better than Pierce Brosnan. By miles. The gravelly part gave it character, so to speak, as opposed to being just bad.

      Reply ↓
    7. Rogue Slime Mold*

      I like both Pierce Brosnan and Mamma Mia, and that was a flat out mystery to me. Like, the bad singing took me out of the movie a bit. (Where fine and average singing would work–you don’t need to have a phenomenal voice, but enough ability that I, a nonmusical person, will just hum along with fond memories of singing Abba into my hairbrush as a teen.)

      Reply ↓
  21. CuriousLemur*

    Another singing-related question – I’ve been watching reruns of Burns & Allen (George Burns and Gracie Allen). George would sing every so often on the show and almost always got interrupted. Everyone except him and Gracie hated his voice.

    What gets me is that even though I don’t think he was out of tune, and although it sounds less “wrong” as I’ve watched the sitcom, somehow when he sings, it sounds wrong to me. How can it be wrong if it’s not out of tune?

    Reply ↓
    1. Enough*

      Because there is more to singing then being in tune? For me some voices bother me. I am not fond of too much twang. Or strong accents when singing in English. And when it is a song that is familiar to you having someone else singing can sound wrong.

      Reply ↓
      1. goddessoftransitory*

        For me it’s autotune–I hate it soooo much. Even though it’s technically making the singer “note perfect” the effect is just ghastly.

        Reply ↓
    2. Jackalope*

      My choir director spends a lot of time getting us to shape our vowels and use our consonants correctly depending on what mood we’re trying to convey with the song, and what style it’s in. She also works a lot on things like dynamics and emphasizing the correct beat, phrasing, etc. It’s amazing how much of a difference all of that can make, and it’s not something that an untrained singer just noodling around on a song they enjoy would think of.

      Reply ↓
      1. Charlotte Lucas*

        I remember learning that even though his range was OK but not great, Cole Porter preferred Fred Astaire’s versions of his songs, because he thought Astaire was able to express the meaning so well.

        Reply ↓
      2. Elizabeth West*

        It’s easy to tell when someone is untrained even if their voice is decent by their phrasing and breath control. A lot of them don’t hold the note on the vowel, either. So you get someone with a nice voice going, “I left my hearrrrrrrrrrt, in Sannn *breath* Frannnnnnsisssssco!”

        I watched only two episodes of American Idol ever — in the very first season, there was a woman who actually had a terrific-sounding voice, but she was very obviously in need of vocal instruction. They told her “Hey, you’re good, with a little training you could be great, and then come back and see us again!” They were very positive about it, but she took it as a criticism and had a big old huffy snit fit. I could see this person being constantly told how wonderful she was, with no one ever saying “You’re good but you need to work on this, and this, if you want a singing career.”

        Training not only helps you sound better; it keeps you from doing things that can damage your voice!

        Reply ↓
    3. Sue Smith*

      I’ve just listened to him singing a few songs. It sounds to me as if he’s talk-singing a lot of the words, especially at the end of lines, so those words/notes wouldn’t be in the usual melody. He does a certain amount of scooping up and falling off, a stylistic choice that works with his limitations, but might seem “wrong.” Also, I think he doesn’t quite hit the notes near the top of his range. I read a line somewhere that said his vocal range was just barely over an octave.

      Reply ↓
      1. Charlotte Lucas*

        He also has a famously gravelly voice. And that was the era of the male crooner. There were some absolutely fantastic singers working in TV and radio at that time.

        Reply ↓
  22. Six Feldspar*

    After seeing kids and adults be fascinated by a loom set up by our craft group at a local market (and got to help weave on it), I think all humans need a Contraption of some sort especially in the modern digital world.

    So, what’s your contraption? I use that word to describe something with satisfying clicks/clunks, needs a small amount of set up, at most electric but no screens, and satisfying to use.

    This week my favourite is the yarn winder I borrowed from the craft group, but my bike and my salad spinner also feel like Contraptions to me.

    Reply ↓
    1. Dark Macadamia*

      Someone gave me a little spinny veggie chopper that operates by pulling a string and I still think it’s the cleverest thing over a decade later.

      A few years ago my kids got a kit to build one of those German candle pyramids where the heat from the candle makes it spin… still delightful for all of us every year when we set it up.

      Fun question!

      Reply ↓
      1. Rogue Slime Mold*

        My husband grew up with one of these, and I was thrilled to find one at a Christmas Market in Tuscany, which I brought home to surprise him. Ours has cats sitting in crescent moons.

        Reply ↓
        1. Elizabeth West*

          Ooh, we had one of those too! When we were kids, we would fight over who got to set it up each year. I won since I have it, bahahaha!

          Reply ↓
      3. FACS*

        large wooden swift, knitting needles, drop spindle. making soap is very meditative and the various boxes and molds are great.

        Reply ↓
    2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      My spinning wheels. Mine are both electric so a motor spins the flyer rather than me having to pedal them, which is great for me because I am not coordinated enough to pedal consistently AND manage my fiber at the same time, but also I love for making it a more accessible hobby to folks with physical limitations. (Also both of them together were cheaper than a single pedaled wheel :-P )

      Reply ↓
      1. Six Feldspar*

        I love watching people spin either with a powered wheel or a foot wheel, it’s fascinating! Definitely not coordinated enough to work a foot one myself though

        Reply ↓
    3. allathian*

      I second the bike and salad spinner. I live in a fairly bike friendly city with plenty of bike paths so that I never have to ride on the street unless I’m crossing it.

      I started eating a lot more lettuce after I bought the salad spinner.

      I love my electric toothbrush, and so does my bank account.

      Another favorite contraption’s my textile fuzz remover. I have a pair of cheap sweatpants that went fuzzy in the first wash…

      Reply ↓
      1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        I have to ask what kind of textile fuzz remover you have. I have one of the battery-operated ones that is legitimately at least 40 years old. It doesn’t work well any more and it’s not the kind of thing I can take to get the blades sharpened so I need to replace it. I’ve looked online a bit hoping that a sweater stone or defuzzing comb could work because I’d rather not have an electric gadget if I can help it. Haven’t yet purchased.

        Reply ↓
      2. Six Feldspar*

        I’m also noticing the lettuce and herbs last longer with a spin and then being air dried before they go in the fridge

        Reply ↓
    4. Buni*

      I do love my sewing machine – the physicality of threading it, and setting up the bobbin, all that malarkey before you start actually sewing.

      I’ve just been watching a thing on seed bead weaving and it’s only the being-broke that’s preventing me *immediately* getting into that…

      Reply ↓
      1. Six Feldspar*

        I’m finally learning that sewing (like painting) involves a heck of a lot of prep work before anything fun! I’m trying not to complain about rethreading the sewing machine after the amount of time I spent rethreading and trouble shooting the overlocker I borrowed a few weeks ago…

        Reply ↓
        1. Marion Ravenwood*

          I’ve been making my own clothes for the past few years and I always say that about 30 per cent (if that) of sewing is actually sewing. The rest is cutting, pinning, unpicking, (re)threading the machine, and pressing. So. Much. Pressing.

          That said, my sewing machine is definitely my favourite contraption, to the extent she’s the only one I’ve actually named. (She’s called Taylor, as in Tailor/Taylor Swift.)

          Reply ↓
      1. Elle Woods*

        Mine is similar: a manual nut grinder. I have the one my grandma got forever ago and it works like a charm.

        Reply ↓
        1. GoryDetails*

          I have one of those – and while I seldom use it, what with the really good fresh cherries being available for a very short window of time, I find it amazingly satisfying when I do.

          Reply ↓
    6. Put the Blame on Edamame*

      I envy your yarn winder! Mine is my magic mop which has a built in water sprayer so you pump the handle to spray water/cleaning liquid (I use water and a few drops of eucalyptus oil) then mop. So satisfying.

      Reply ↓
      1. Six Feldspar*

        I have to return it to the craft group next week, but it was very helpful overall the last few days!

        Reply ↓
    7. Jay (no, the other one)*

      We have a very fancy new mandoline for slicing vegetables that is definitely A Contraption. I love it because it can cut vertically and horizontally and it is set up so that your fingers never come near the blade (I was always a little afraid to use our previous one and didn’t like watching my husband use it). I also have an onion dicer that is very satisfying and we recently bought a garlic dicer that is the same thing but much smaller. It is absolutely adorable – it’s bright green! – and it’s like a little puzzle to take it apart for cleaning and put it back together. It’s called the Garlic-A-Peal if you want to take a look for it.

      Reply ↓
      1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        I definitely want to nominate my mandoline. Such a time saver and looking at a pile of evenly sliced veggies is very satisfying.

        I was just looking at the dicer devices, I think after seeing them mentioned here last couple of weeks. What kind of onion dicer do you have?

        Reply ↓
        1. Seeking Second Childhood*

          My Christmas present to myself was the dicer attachment for my kitchenaid. It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out it uses two inserts to make dicing work. I honestly don’t dismantle it at this point.

          Reply ↓
      2. Six Feldspar*

        How could I forget the mandoline? I don’t use mine often but for shredding cabbage it’s a lifesaver.

        For garlic I’ve been cracking it with the back of a knife to get the peel off, then using the grater to chop it finely. For some reason I draw the line at garlic crushers because they’re too fiddly to wash

        Reply ↓
        1. carcinization*

          I put my garlic press in the dishwasher, and I also have a small silicone-type thing for peeling garlic (there are versions that are just a silicone sleeve, but mine is like a small Dracula complete with cape) that can go in the dishwasher. I only use the latter when garlic is difficult to peel or I’m in a big hurry though. The former is used unless I’m supposed to slice or crush the garlic only.

          Reply ↓
    8. Nervous Nellie*

      I have a portable handcrank sewing machine from 1887 that I play with periodically down in the common room of my condo building. It always attracts a crowd – people want to try it! It’s a great way to meet my neighbors and get them to help me get this dang quilt top done.

      Reply ↓
    9. Rogue Slime Mold*

      This is something I’ve really noticed with the concept of a take-apart bench: Great concept but so many modern things are a plastic case around a circuit board, which isn’t insightful to unearth.

      An art option: The MIT Museum had a collection of kinetic sculptures, one of which is a series of gears. The outermost one whirs away, the next turns more slowly, the next even more slowly… and across about 20 gears, the last one is embedded in cement.

      Also great: A chair that snaps apart into pieces, then together.

      Reply ↓
    10. Bike Walk Bake Books*

      One of my friends has a yarn winder and yes, what a satisfying contraption to watch!

      My bike is my very favorite contraption.

      I mentioned my mandoline in a reply to someone else. I’d nominate my KitchenAid too; the way things lock into place is nice and solid.

      I just got a tofu press from our Buy Nothing group. Could not be simpler: two plastic plates and wing nuts to tighten down on the tofu sitting between them. I set it up in the sink, give it a few twirls to tighten when I pass through, and at some point I have pressed tofu. Far superior to the setup I’d been using with two plates and some heavy cans on top that would end up toppling as the tofu settled unevenly. The power of the simple screw is pretty magical.

      Not mine, but I have friends who have a small apple orchard and I help with the cider pressing. They borrow a press that’s human-powered with a crank. We’re dumping apples in at one end, someone’s turning the crank, juice flows into a big bucket, the mash comes out in another spot (to be fed to the pigs who live down the way), everything smells wonderful, it’s being used on a nice day in autumn with friends. Perfection.

      Reply ↓
    11. Seeking Second Childhood*

      I still have my 1980s Brother typewriter. It gets pulled out every now and then when I need to make labels for something. Two pages of electronic memory were a big deal in 1985!

      Reply ↓
      1. Six Feldspar*

        I had a dysfunctional typewriter as a toy when I was a kid and I loved it! Bought a clickety keyboard recently and it’s great to get the memory back

        Reply ↓
    12. FACS*

      Dominoes! if you can count in increments of five you are set, so works for many ages. our family plays at a fast pace so if you cheat and get away with it you keep the points.

      Reply ↓
    13. Samwise*

      Hand cranked food mill. Works great. Requires attaching the pieces just so, makes a satisfying click when the disk is correctly placed, requires somewhat fiddly clean up. I love it.

      Reply ↓
      1. Six Feldspar*

        Hand wound contraptions are great! I forgot to mention my hand cranked desk in the top comment (deliberately did not buy an automatic one for the Contraption enrichment)

        Reply ↓
      2. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        This too. I got mine from Buy Nothing after giving one away earlier–realized I did want to have one. Not as good as I’d hoped for deseeding blackberries (as in, back to pushing cooked blackberries through a sieve with the back of a soup ladle), but good for making applesauce. I had no idea apples had all those white strings in the core until I started using this to squish apples that I had just quickly chopped to cook for sauce.

        Reply ↓
    14. Elizabeth West*

      I second the salad spinner and tofu press. Also the thing you push down on apples to slice and core them.

      Something I bought when I was still sewing skating costumes was an automatic bobbin winder. I LOVE that thing. It’s so much easier to use that instead of trying to do it on the sewing machine.

      Reply ↓
    15. Aneurin*

      I think my yarn swift/yarn winder has to be on my list, as well as my miniature (3D printed!) printing press – it’s about the size of a grapefruit and it’s so pleasing that it just works.

      (It’s from the Open Press Project if anyone is interested in having a look!)

      Reply ↓
    16. KarenInKansas*

      My LK 150 single bed knitting machine! I love hand manipulating stitches because the clicking of the transfer tools and needle latches is such a nice sound! I also love the sound the carriage makes when it moves smoothly over the needles. Very satisfying.

      Reply ↓
  23. Myrin*

    Guys, please brainstorm with me – what is this noise I’m hearing?

    For months now, I’ve been hearing a strange noise from time to time (it’s happening right now, actually and coincidentally). I reckon it’s coming from the flat below mine but I’m not sure.

    Plain and simple, it sounds like a phone that’s on vibration. You know when it’s lying on a hard, often wooden, surface, and then vibrates and the sound seems to reverberate through the whole desk or whatever it’s lying on? That’s what it sounds like.

    When I first heard it, I thought someone was having their phone on vibrate and they got a call. The thing is, though, that once it starts, it goes on for hours. I would hope that if it really were a call, the person would either stop calling eventually or someone would take the call. Same thing if it were an alarm instead of a call.

    Also, while the pattern is mostly the regular one of a call/alarm, it sometimes changes up, with periods of longer “vibration” or with bigger pauses inbetween or even with some irregularity.

    Also, if it’s the people below me, I don’t know why I’m hearing it so clearly – why is the sound travelling up to me when the only thing I ever hear from them is when they have kids running around frantically? Also, they’re definitely home right now, so why aren’t they reacting? Could it be a virtual game of some kind? They have a small child (he must be five-ish), could he be playing on a tablet which makes this noise?

    It’s not huuugely disruptive, especially if I’m also doing something that makes some noise (so, like, everything, really; even typing is loud enough to silence it), but I can’t wrap my head around what it might be and why it appears like that sometimes. Any ideas?

    Reply ↓
    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      My first question would be, do other people hear it too? I am prone to hearing noise that nobody else hears, and sometimes it’s actually a noise and sometimes it’s all in my head. (Right now I am hearing a whoosh-whoosh in my right ear and a sort of rising and falling whine in my left, which is really annoying.)

      Reply ↓
      1. Myrin*

        Yes, my mum, sister, and a friend all heard it too at various times when they were visiting me.
        (Also, I have tinnitus in both ears and while one might think that would make it more likely for me to hear random noises no one else does, it’s actually led me to be extremely good at figuring out which noises are inside my head and which aren’t. I’ve had a 100% success rate with that so far, possibly because I’m so atuned to what’s going on with my ear-brain-connection.)

        Reply ↓
        1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          Excellent! My tinnitus is relatively recent, but even before I was prone to hearing stuff that other people didn’t notice until I specifically pointed it out, so I’m still working on distinguishing. (For me the biggest tell is if I only hear something in one ear, because apparently my ears are not coordinated enough to make up the same noise at the same time. :-P )

          Reply ↓
    2. Two cents*

      Loose airduct? Washing machine or dryer weirdly vibrating up a wall but on various different cycles so it doesnt stay consistent? Some sort of power tool, like a dremel? Light fixture with a problem?

      I’d find time to knock on the door downstairs and ask if they hear it too. Who knows, they might be able to identify what it is or say they hear it in their ceiling.

      Reply ↓
    3. Probably this*

      Probably a washer that vibrates during spinning cycles. I can feel my neighbors’ below me all the time. Likewise, my washer vibrates objects near it and on top of the unit, which can make the sound you describe. If I’m (or neighbors) are doing multiple loads, it can last throughout the day.

      Reply ↓
      1. Myrin*

        You and others above have given me some food for thought – I’m not in the US and have never encountered a washing machine whose sound I’d describe as “vibrating”, especially not with the pattern I’m hearing; in fact, I know exactly what my neighbours’ on either side washing machines sound like and it’s a sound I can immediately identify as “washing machine” because, well, that’s what they sound like. But maybe that’s led me astray so far and these neighbours have a different model which I’ve never encountered!

        I also thought they, like me, had their washing machine in the basement but the more I think about it, the more I believe they don’t actually; I’m mentally mapping all the machines in the basement to all of my neighbours and yeah, they really might have theirs in their flat.

        OTOH, if it were a washing machine, I would hear it way too rarely; surely a family of three doesn’t go a whole month without washing any of their clothes! I’m also generally hearing it most prominently in the kitchen while the washers are in the bathrooms. But the idea of a washer possibly vibrating something close to it resonates (hah!) with me. Let’s see what I can find out!

        Reply ↓
    4. Sitting Pretty*

      I had a similar thing. It was a kind of “growling” and the whole house would vibrate slightly but at a very low register. It was hard to place. Finally started tracking it and it turns out that when it kicked on, it usually had a pattern of 2 mins on, 12 mins off (though sometimes the pattern didn’t happen and it was more random).

      Asked my condo property manager and it turns out the association had installed a new pump to protect the electrical room. A floor down and not abutting my apt, but some wiring for it ran through a duct against an outer wall of my unit.

      With persistent fussing, they installed a quieter model. The new one still gets triggered when it’s rainy but at least I know what it is!

      Reply ↓
      1. Myrin*

        Oh god, I hope it’s not something like that because that would make it much harder to “combat”. I’ll ask around, I think!

        Reply ↓
    5. WellRed*

      Some sort of fan or air purifier? I’m currently trying to figure out a similar vibration noise from the upstairs apartment but it is too on and off for a fan.

      Reply ↓
    6. Sutemi*

      Any chance you have a medical implant? My grandfather’s pacemaker started beeping once a day when the battery was running low and it took forever to figure out that the noise was coming from inside his chest.

      Reply ↓
    7. RagingADHD*

      It’s probably something that runs more frequently, but you only hear it when it’s in conjunction with other objects. Like if something has been left on top of the washing machine.

      Or it may be transmitting through the building structure from a completely different place, not the downstairs flat at all.

      Oh, I just thought of something else – my husband has a dicey back, and when it’s acting up he will sometimes put his massage pillow on the floor and lie on it. It has different cycles – some with “thumbs” grinding into the lumbar muscles, and some are just overall heat and vibration.

      Reply ↓
    8. Ginger Cat Lady*

      Bathroom fan or ceiling fan that is sliiiiightly out of balance can do that. Including the changes in pattern.

      Reply ↓
      1. Maybe?*

        Piggybacking on that … maybe a kitchen vent or fan? If someone’s cooking, it might be used in spurts, or for a few hours for something simmering on the stove.

        Reply ↓
    9. goddessoftransitory*

      It could be a pipe–in our apartment building we regularly hear “the werewolf of the plumbing” that lets out an unearthly, drawn out howl at random intervals. This apparently has something to do with water pressure.

      If the source is far enough away you might be hearing the echo bouncing around in pipes closer to you and it’s faint enough that you’re basically picking up the vibes.

      Reply ↓
    10. Goldfeesh*

      Maybe a pipe? The going on for hours things makes me doubt it a little though. I have a duplex and one of our pipes in the laundry room shifted slightly so when the lady upstairs used water, especially like a shower, the pipe would vibrate loudly like crazy. I hadn’t noticed it because when I took a shower, I wouldn’t hear myself causing the vibration. The pipe was in the open, thankfully, and I stuffed a dishtowel between the pipe and what it was vibrating against.

      Reply ↓
    11. Still*

      I’m sorry you’re dealing with that! I can deal with noises if I know what they are and can tell myself they’re there for a reason and they won’t go on forever… but any noise that I can’t identify annoys me beyond all reason. I’ve absolutely gone around my apartment block trying to identify various noises.

      Honestly, I’m the kind of person who’ll just knock on the neighbour’s door and say “look, it’s not that loud, it’s not a big deal, you don’t need to turn it off, but please help me figure out what it is because the uncertainty is killing me”.

      I hope you find an explanation soon!

      Reply ↓
    12. Shiny Penny*

      It would be easy for an air-handling machine to produce the effect you describe. Like, a fan— floor/desk model, OR a built in kitchen or bathroom or ceiling fan, or an air conditioner or clothes dryer or fridge ( they all have fans to move air around). Even my boiler has an exhaust fan! Fans can easily go out of balance, due to an uneven accumulation of dust or grease, or because they were moved to sit on a more resonant surface, or just due to age. So many things can make a fan noisy, and the range of possible noises a broken fan can make is pretty unlimited.
      Also the noise emitted can change with changing circumstances. An out-of-balance kitchen or bathroom fan might produce different tones/noise depending on outside wind speed and outside wind direction. Same with the air pushed out of a clothes dryer. A fan on a desk might be noisier when the desk is clear, vs piled with heavy books.
      Moving water can also set up weird vibrations, but from your description it sounds like moving air is a more likely culprit. Chatting with your neighbor about appliances seems a likely next step. Maybe they are hearing a version of what you hear? But also the sound might be coming from almost anywhere, since it may be bouncing around or traveling along pipes.
      Good luck!

      Reply ↓
    14. HannahS*

      Could it be the wind vibrating a vent? I’ve had similar low-pitched hums that seem inexplicable until we figured out that the wind blowing over/around the building was creating a vacuum and making a vent vibrate.

      Reply ↓
    16. fhqwhgads*

      This is probably not it, but there are some gaming chairs that basically vibrate when action happens in video games. If they don’t have carpet, it could be someone doing a really long gaming session. Might explain why sometimes it seems like a regular pattern, but then suddenly isn’t, and lasts for hours for a day or two, but then not again for a month.

      Reply ↓
    17. KarenInKansas*

      A tower fan? We can hear the bedroom tower fan when we are downstairs…and it has different functions that rotate, do intermittent speed changes like a natural wind, etc. so the vibrations change. It’s on carpet, and if it was on a wood floor it would be distractingly loud.

      Reply ↓
    18. Jestem*

      I could see it being something like a 3d printer perhaps? I know mine when its’ running hot tends to make a decent amount of noise, and I can hear the whirring downstairs if I have it running. Not loud as you say, but it’s there.

      Reply ↓
    1. Myrin*

      Good god, I had NOT considered that!

      Would the person be going at it for a whole day sometimes, though? I’ve been wandering up and down the escalator when it first started and while I could still faintly hear the sound – without being able to narrow down its location, weirdly! – I didn’t hear any moaning or anything like it; but who knows how someone might be using these things.

      I’d say it’s unlikely but IDK?!

      Reply ↓
      1. RagingADHD*

        Very unlikely because it wouldn’t have that reverberation from being on a hard surface. And because you say they have small kids – nobody with small kids has enough “me time” to be using it for the kind of time blocks you’re describing.

        Reply ↓
      2. goddessoftransitory*

        Are…adult…devices that, er, strident in their declarations, though? I’d think they’d be designed to be a little more aurally subtle.

        Reply ↓
  25. Oink*

    Simple joys thread, except pet version! What brought your pet joy recently?

    I took my dog to a market by the beach that had stalls just for dog items. Most of the stalls were for dog treats so my dog got to taste LOTS of testers. She also had a great time sniffing countless dog butts. She came home and took a nap.

    Reply ↓
    1. BellStell*

      Bird watching from inside as I gave bird seed in feeders on the balcony and bird tv is her joy to chatter to!

      Reply ↓
    2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Due to a shift in my work life, my woofapotamus gets to go to daycare once a week now, rather than once a month, and she is SO HAPPY every Tuesday morning. While she eats her breakfast I have to move my car out of the garage to open the door wide enough that she can get in, and when I come back in to get her ready to go she is bouncing and excited and runs over to where her car harness is and pointedly looks at it, and then at me, all “LET’S GO MAMA!”

      Reply ↓
    4. Chercher*

      I reinstated the raggedy collapsing Amazon box my cat sleeps in. I’d taken it away because he has countless fuzzy beds, chairs and even other cardboard boxes to nest in and it was falling apart. There’s no blankets or paper in it, just the cardboard box itself. He was inconsolable that it went ‘missing’ but was pleased to find Mom had rescued it from the recycling bin and placed it back where it belongs in the middle of the living room floor.

      Reply ↓
      1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        It makes me so happy that we’re not the only ones with living room decor best described as Cat In Charge, Boxes Required.

        One of the hits in that line-up is a large translucent plastic crate with the lid off. He sits inside and stares at us through the side.

        Reply ↓
    5. An Australian in London*

      Taking our blind rescue cat on harness into the communal garden where she could investigate All! The Smells! And! Sounds!

      Reply ↓
        1. An Australian in London*

          The communal garden (exactly like in Notting Hill the movie) has a section where neither dogs nor unaccompanied children may go. It’s still not safe to let her run entirely free, but we can put her on a 5m long retractable dog lead rather than the short lead. That’s long enough for her to get into everything she wants.

          We can also go for short runs with her. Her joy at being able to run is radiant. Blind cat can’t run far indoors. We have a running wheel for her and she uses it all the time. Running on grass is better. She’s smart enough to know that she isn’t going anywhere on the wheel, but running on grass is Taking Her Somewhere.

          We are proud parents of our little blind rescue girl. Dumped on our street, we think for being blind. (Bengals with this gene aren’t blind at birth but progressively go blind often around the six month mark.)

          Reply ↓
          1. Bay*

            My blind cat loves leashed walk adventures! And especially running :) i’m really happy to read about your rescued honey

            Reply ↓
    6. Can't Sit Still*

      My cat loves playing fetch with her stormtrooper mice, and she will bring one to me and spit it at me when she wants to play. I realized she hadn’t brought me one in a couple of days, so I fished her stash out from under the furniture. She gets so excited when she sees a whole pile of them!

      Reply ↓
    7. Bike Walk Bake Books*

      I rotate my cat’s toys so I’ll put something away for a while, then bring it out so it’s brand new and exciting again. I have one that has a plastic ball trapped in a ring created between two plastic plates ,with holes in one plate so he can reach through from the top or from the side and make the ball move around the track. (Hope that’s a good enough explanation; if you’ve seen one you know what I’m talking about. Sold as a “crazy circle.”)

      He went wild playing with it for a bit. Now he’s mostly ignoring it so I may need to put it away again.

      He plays soccer with coated wire springs that are super lightweight and travel a long way on our bare floors when he bats them. These tend to end up under furniture, of course, so when we fish them back out they’re new and thrilling again.

      Reply ↓
    8. Forrest Rhodes*

      Taking my almost-19-year-old cat for his first vet visit in way too long, and getting not only a clean bill of health and a badly needed nail trimming but also a comment from the vet, “He’s doing really great for his age—Tuxedos don’t usually live this long!”

      Much relief around the old homestead for this human, and His Feline Majesty is much happier after his mani-pedi.

      Reply ↓
      1. Houndmom*

        Setting up the summer temporary fence so my no common sense (but lovable) hound can run off leash with is sensible brother.

        Seeing our rabbit calm down after a vet visit into deep contentment.

        Reply ↓
      2. tangerineRose*

        I’ve got a tuxedo cat myself. I hope he has a good long life. I wouldn’t have expected the fur color to be related to longevity.

        Reply ↓
        1. Forrest Rhodes*

          I hadn’t known that either, tangerineRose, but according to the vet (and to independent research) Tuxies’ average life span is around 14 to 16 years. I congratulate my furry roommate every day on his having beaten the odds! :)

          Reply ↓
    9. Seashell*

      It was nice out today, so we took our guinea pig for a walk and she seemed to enjoy sniffing the fresh air.*

      *Yes, I know it’s weird to take a guinea pig for a walk, but my daughter insisted on getting a guinea pig stroller a while ago and we use it every so often.

      Reply ↓
    10. Mobie's Mom*

      Our local dog park opened last week and my husband brought out dog this week. He LOVES it and had such a great time!

      Reply ↓
    11. Bibliovore*

      My dog has been making solid poo’s for two weeks now. Had our long awaited visit to the canine nutritionist. Turns out (on the advice of her primary care physician) we had been feeding her all wrong and she has only been getting 69% of her needed nutrition. Will be transitioning to the new plan and hopefully this will keep her healthy.
      No really pure joy when she makes a solid BM. There is dancing.

      Reply ↓
    12. dapfloodle*

      My younger cat gets very excited whenever we have cake, so I gave him a tiny speck (like, about half the size of a pea) of banana cake a couple of days ago, and he was very appreciative.

      Reply ↓
    13. Evvy*

      My friends who have a garden gave me some fresh kale for the bunnies, which is a super special treat for them.

      Reply ↓
      1. Shiny Penny*

        I— who live mostly in the shade and am not a food gardener— grew parsley when I had a house rabbit. It turns out parsley is so easy to grow that *EVEN I* could succeed! And rabbits love parsley! I had to have it up on the deck in a pot, or the wild rabbits would eat it all.

        Reply ↓
    14. Smol Bookwizard*

      My little dog and I went to a field yesterday with an abundance of vole holes. we didn’t find any voles, which is probably for the best, but their holes were the perfect size for him to snuffle into with great interest.

      Reply ↓
    15. dreamofwinter*

      I trapped three feral kittens back in November – they were probably 10-12 weeks old already, and socialization has been a slow process. They’ve had the run of the house since early February. This week, the tuxedo boy decided he was ready to catch up on all the petting and cuddling he’s been missing and now follows me around the house asking for pets, cheek rubs, even quick sits in my lap. Really incredible how friendly he is now that the switch has flipped!

      Reply ↓
  26. RussianInTexas*

    Hair question! I embraced my real hair texture during the last few years. It’s a mix of wavy and curly, thick, coarse-ish frizzy Jewish hair.
    Now, I got the system down on the day of the wash: wash, condition, squeeze lightly, add leave in conditioner, comb upside down away from the head, add curly gel, scrunch, remove excess water, the works. Air dry or diffuse. It looks decent.
    My question is the next day. How do I refresh it? It’s either flat or a rat’s nest. I cannot do the pineapple method because my hair is only chin length.

    Reply ↓
      1. RussianInTexas*

        I am not, and I am not sure I can. I manage to take off face mask, socks, tshirt, or anything else I sleep in during the night. They all annoy me.

        Reply ↓
        2. Ellis Bell*

          I would try a combo of silk scrunchie (pineapple bun) and silk pillowcase. braiding your hair with some gel can also give you a pretty nice wavy structure (I use a Dutch braid). I used to be able to refresh my hair brilliantly with Shea moisture fruit fusion coconut water, but then they discontinued it, so now it’s all down to my nighttime preparations…

          Reply ↓
    2. Jean (just Jean)*

      *Waving “hello” from one recent embracer-of-my-curly-hair to another.* It’s so nice to work with rather than against one’s hair, or live with perpetually short hair because that seems the only way to cope.

      My “second day hair” (also known as “not the same day I wash it” hair) resets just fine if I get it wet (the wetter the hair, the better the reset), let it dry while wrapped in an old t-shirt, and then finger-comb in some leave-in conditioner.

      Some people swear by a spray bottle filled with either plain water or a mixture of water and conditioner. I either lean over the bathtub to wet my hair or take a shower. Occasionally I’ll dump a capful or two of apple cider vinegar over my hair to rinse out conditioner from the previous day(s).

      I probably should be sleeping on a silk bonnet or on a silk pillowcase, but I don’t do either. My mom’s example was wash, pat dry, comb it, and go. I do the same, except for not combing my hair (curly hair rises into a cloud of frizz if either combed or brushed).

      Reply ↓
      1. Biscuit*

        Yes! I use a spray bottle to wet my hair the serving day. Just be sure to scrunch it dry with an old t shirt, not a towel.

        Reply ↓
    3. Rooster Reprieve*

      I just reset my hair and then let it air dry again, sometimes adding abit more products. Also the satin pillow case is a big help with cutting back of frizz.

      Reply ↓
    4. HannahS*

      Things I’ve tried that worked, to decent results:
      -flip your hair over and use a spray bottle with water to thoroughly dampen, then re-scrunch and air dry, relying on yesterday’s product to carry it through
      -same as above, but add a touch more product
      -try a different hairstyle on those days (pinned back with combs? wide headband?)

      Reply ↓
  27. Put the Blame on Edamame*

    A tech grumble: I’m so sick of AI junk being shoved into every nook and cranny. Now WhatsApp has a Meta AI assistant that I *cannot turn off*. I know the answer is to shift to another platform, but 90% of my social interactions are facilitated through WhatsApp, including community groups.

    Reply ↓
    1. Flash*

      It really is so impossible to get away from! I got a new phone recently and keep triggering the voice assistant by accident- I want a way to shut that down entirely!

      Reply ↓
    2. Rogue Slime Mold*

      “Nobody puts Clippy in a corner!”

      I picture an AI infesting my fridge, where it hides the eggs, sings bad calypso of its own composition, and generally engages in behaviors some distant engineer thinks would be valuable to me, yet are not.

      I think most other people must dislike it as much as I do, because if they were confident it would be welcomed it would be opt in, or easy to opt out. (Grouchy that adding “-ai” no longer knocks out the google AI search results, which was such a nice hack when it worked.) It feels like they put a lot of money into this, and now are stymied that people aren’t excited to have someone hide the eggs while singing bad calypso.

      Reply ↓
      1. goddessoftransitory*

        I’ve only read one article where the use of AI came across as good and useful–the cross-referencing of drugs and their side effects/off label uses to find already created drugs and therapies for use in various conditions. One patient had terrible, constant vomiting that normal meds weren’t helping, for example, and an AI list recommended inhaling whiffs of isopropyl alcohol–an often used remedy. Worked great!

        But of course, using already developed drugs and such isn’t going to make anyone a ton of money, so this got hardly any publicity. And that is the one and only Pro-AI thing I’ve seen anywhere in the media that isn’t some tech bro gloating about The Singularity or whatever.

        Reply ↓
        1. Rogue Slime Mold*

          Both of my kids worked with analytic AI (called machine learning, because everyone was clear it was not intelligent) to analyze large data sets. As an interim step, not a final step. I gather they both also use it for basic coding, again as an interim step where you have to understand what it output and adapt that to your goal.

          I notice that Google maps does not boast AI, and I think it’s because a) People really care about accurate directions to Llama Library, not just directions that seem plausible if you glance at them and don’t know how to get there; b) Most people asking intend to immediately test these directions and discover whether they are accurate, vs plausible if you don’t look closely. Trust me Google when I say that this is what I want in my search engine results, too.

          Reply ↓
        2. WS*

          That’s analytical AI not generative AI, and it has a lot of uses! It’s currently proving useful in medical imaging.

          Reply ↓
          1. amoeba*

            I mean, there’s also Gen AI that has a lot of uses – I’ve worked on Gen AI for new drugs and while that in absolutely no way gives you a finished new drug, it’s pretty good by not at finding new active molecules/starting points for optimisation!

            There’s so much more to AI (and also to GenAI) than ChatGPT/LLMs. And even those can be useful! I love ChatGPT to solve my Excel problems and it’s also great for coding/debugging. Just googling the problem usually takes me ages unless it’s a very common problem, ChatGPT has really been great at “hey, why does this formula give me that weird error in my very specific setup?”

            But having it integrated into WhatsApp is just completely annoying and useless. Who on earth wants to “polish” their WhatsApp messages? Like, I very much don’t want/need a corporate rephrasing of my messages to my friend, FFS!

            Reply ↓
      2. Double A*

        I have found adding -u or adding “f**king” but not censored will remove the AI summary from Google. It’s…absurd but it seems to work

        Reply ↓
        1. Rogue Slime Mold*

          I tried this, and adding “-f***ingai” does in fact remove the AI.

          At this point they have to be just screwing with us.

          Reply ↓
    3. Sloanicota*

      I so agree, especially considering the terrible environmental impacts of all this extra computing power. They told us at work it takes a bottle of water to make a short paragraph in AI. That didn’t make me want to play around with all the “cute” features people were excited about. Plus, as a writer, I’m bitter they stole my work to build the machine they hope will replace me.

      Reply ↓
      1. amoeba*

        Pretty sure that one’s an urban legend though – it does use more energy and water but I believe around 3 or 4 times as much as a Google search? For some questions, ChatGPT can give me the answer with a single query that would’ve taken, like, 10+ tries on Google to find exactly what I’m searching for, so in those cases, I figure it’s worth it!

        Reply ↓
        1. Tea Monk*

          Ok but if the answer isn’t the right answer. it’s a total waste. ( my brain really cares if facts are correct, YMMV)

          Reply ↓
          1. amoeba*

            Sure, but if I need to troubleshoot an Excel formula or Python statement or weird Windows driver error, I’ve found ChatGPT to be much more helpful than Google! And there’s no problem with incorrect facts there – either it works (it mostly does, or if it gives an error, I ask again and then it works on the second try) or it doesn’t. Scouring Stackexchange and the MS online forums in the hopes that somehow somebody once had the same issue is much less straightforward.

            I absolutely agree that it’s bad at a lot of things, and I don’t use it for those! But it does have use cases where it’s really, really good.

            Reply ↓
    4. Six Feldspar*

      Solidarity!!

      I’ll be going back to a dumbphone rather than get a smartphone with AI, whenever my current one decides to die… And if *that* isn’t an option I’ll be investigating carrier pigeons…

      Reply ↓
    5. An Ominous*

      Big f*ing mood all around. I’m looking forward to moving abroad and seeing if I can turn that (Whatsapp/FB) sh*t off (although it’s not Europe so… maybe not).

      Reply ↓
  28. Irish Teacher.*

    OK, I need to read Show, Don’t Tell, to get the update on Lee Fiora.

    And with that in mind, I am just wondering, those of you who write, is there a particular age group or gender or other demographic you generally write about and does it correspond to your own?

    Most of my characters are teen or young adult girls and young women and this has been the case since I was…8 or 9. I’m now in my 40s. At 8 or 9, I mostly wrote 12/13 year olds. Now, I tend to write 15-25 year olds.

    I have just started a story where the charcters range in age from 18 to 78, but that is unusual for me.

    Reply ↓
    1. RagingADHD*

      My protagonists are men, one in his 20s and the other in his early 30s. There are a few other characters in their milieu in each book of the same age, but the supporting cast is pretty varied. It’s a historical setting.

      I’m a woman in my 50s, and unfortunately not a time traveler.

      My protagonists needed to be the ages they are because of their relationship to real historical events, and the other characters show up as makes sense for the story – friends, love interests, parents, bosses, clients, workers, public officials, etc.

      Due to the time period / genre I write in, having my protagonists be men allows me to focus on the plot. If they were women, then it would be A Thing that would have to be addressed almost constantly in order to be remotely plausible in the setting. And that’s not the kind of story I’m telling.

      I would guess there are certain themes, problems, or dynamics that you are particularly interested in that are best (or only) expressed in a group of girls and young women. Have you thought about what they are?

      If you took one of your existing stories and made the core group boys / young men, or mixed up different genders, or made them all middle aged, or mixed up the ages, how would it change the story? Would the story plausibly happen at all, or would you need to construct explanations for how / why they come together and interact this way?

      Reply ↓
      1. Irish Teacher.*

        I think the reason I favour teens and young adults is because of the lack of experience and lack of…well, freedom for want of a better word. It would be harder to write the stories I do with adults because they would have more control over their lives and would be less restricted. Of course adults can still be abused or bullied or live in poverty, but…they do have more control over the situation and have to be the prime movers to some extent.

        An adult dealing with homelessness is a very different situation from a teenager dealing with homelessness.

        I also think it’s probably easier to write vulnerabilities and uncertainties. A 22 year old not knowing what to do in a situation is far less likely to be judged harshly by the reader than a 42 year old reacting in the same way.

        Really good questions.

        And yeah, in a lot of historical societies, men have a lot more freedom to get on with the plot without their gender being a big deal.

        Reply ↓
        1. RagingADHD*

          Yes, indeed – the younger a character is, the more they are constrained by given circumstances – which includes the people they’re forced to deal with.

          Reply ↓
    2. Dita*

      My tendencies are very similar, although I don’t write so much anymore. With the teen girl characters I wrote when I was one, I then aged them into their twenties, but I never worked out what happens to them in their thirties.

      And I’m also looking forward to the Sittenfeld! Reread Prep to remind myself what future glimpses of characters we got there.

      Reply ↓
    3. Nervous Nellie*

      Interesting! I’ve always enjoyed learning the age of a novelist to gauge whether they were as old themselves as their oldest characters. Can young people write convincingly about ages they themselves have not yet lived? In many cases, absolutely yes, but it adds a layer of interest to every story to give that some thought along the way.

      When I was 11 I wrote a short story about a grandmother who was a cookie-baking Gran by day and a secret agent at night. At one point I had her running in high heels! Clearly more research was needed.

      Reply ↓
      1. Irish Teacher.*

        Yeah, when I was about 12, I had a 21 year old character getting married and working as a lawyer and she…wasn’t meant to be marrying young or to be a child prodigy. I just…thought that 21 year olds were clearly completely grown up.

        And I want to read about this Grandma secret agent. She sounds awesome.

        Reply ↓
        1. Nervous Nellie*

          Hah! That’s great that you wrote as a child too. Yes, my double-O Granny would have been great, but my Dad bought our first TV and suddenly Star Trek was my new obsession. I never finished her spy story, but wrote a lot of Star Trek poetry instead. I wish I had kept all those notebooks!

          Reply ↓
    4. Maryn*

      I’m way up there in years. My characters tend to be at least in their mid- to late thirties, more often forties or fifties. Occasionally older, but only if I’m writing for a specific call for manuscripts about “senior” characters. There aren’t too many of those.

      Reply ↓
    5. Double A*

      So, I’m just starting to actually write and my protagonists are in their 20s and I’m finding the late 20s man the easiest to write, interestingly. I’m a woman in my 40s.

      In general, I fundamentally feel like a 16-17 year old girl. Like, that is the age where if I woke up one day and was back at that age, I’d be like, “Yep, that’s right.” I don’t mean on a social or emotional level, I don’t relate to teenagers on a peer level at all, so it’s kind of hard to explain what I mean. So I think that influences the ages I want to write. Because that emerging adulthood was interesting to me then, and it’s interesting to me now.

      Reply ↓
    6. Elizabeth West*

      For reference, I’m old Gen X but think, act, and look younger than I am.

      Mine mostly skew younger. I also tend to write men for some reason. The main characters in my trilogy are mid-to-late twenties to early thirties. I guess that would be Gen Z now, but when I started it, they would have been millennials. In fact, when I finally decided to indie pub Tunerville, I had to update a few things, lol. Hannah is in grad school with a part-time job and the others work. Chris is twenty-eight. Gabriel and Ann-Marie have their first baby in Confluence. Brinn is probably the oldest, at early forties — in his world and his profession, he’s pushing retirement age.

      The story that’s waiting for me to finish this trilogy will have an older female protagonist for a definite reason.

      Reply ↓
      1. RagingADHD*

        I have a story that I sold as an interactive online fic a bunch of years ago now, and I recently got back the rights. That’s super exciting because I want to novelize it, but now I have a problem – a couple of the characters’ parents were involved in the Civil Rights movement in different ways, and the math *just* worked at the time.

        It does not work anymore. So now I have to figure out how to either update the ages, or make it a period piece.

        Reply ↓
        1. Elizabeth West*

          Hmm….is there something else they could be involved in if you want to update it?

          Period pieces are hard. Remember when I was banging on about Secret Book? That was set in the 1960s and even though that is within living memory, it was difficult to capture it. The best scene where I did that was a protag as a child visiting Gamages department store in London at Christmas with his parents during a pea-soup fog.

          I never did anything with that book because once I finished it, I realized how absurd and awful the premise was. A definite trunk novel, haha. But it’s worth saving to crib from, since I made a real effort to elevate my writing and some of it turned out pretty damn good.

          Reply ↓
          2. RagingADHD*

            Well, it’s tied in so much with the other themes (local history, race / interracial relationships, culture shock of living away and coming home, heroes selling out / changing over time, etc)

            I could maybe age the protagonist and lean into her “lost years” when she was having a bad time in life, but as Irish Teacher rightfully points out, there’s a big difference in obstacles and perception between a 22 year old who goes off the rails and winds up launching a few years late, and a 36-37 year old who dropped out of society for 15 years trying to build a life from scratch.

            There’s also a big difference in the way a story with those themes feels under the Obama administration vs …this.

            I’m sure the subconscious will figure something out and I’ll wake up at 3am one of these days going, “of course!”

            That’s what usually happens.

            Reply ↓
  29. Teapot Translator*

    What are you listening to? Let’s hear about the podcasts, radio shows or even albums/playlists you’ve been listening to!

    Reply ↓
    1. Teapot Translator*

      I’m listening once again to Cabin Pressure. It’s funny and it feels like meeting up with old friends.

      Reply ↓
    2. Mitchell Hundred*

      One of my favourite podcasts is A Way With Words, a radio show where people call in and ask questions about language. Its’s great to learn about all the little regional variations and idioms you get in different areas of (mostly) the US.
      https://waywordradio.org/

      Reply ↓
    3. fallingleavesofnovember*

      We went to a Bedouin Soundclash concert this week and now I’m on a kick listening to some of their more recent albums. Their music is so easy to dance to and I just love the brass, especially in the album MASS.

      Reply ↓
    4. LemonTaffy*

      *beyond bitchy podcast. recommended to me as a discusses boundaries. I like it because the host speaks at a slower Pace than most of today’s podcast, so it doesn’t raise my anxiety listening to it. and I’m also picking up tips on boundaries

      *5-4 Pod. discussion of Supreme Court cases. I’m fascinated by law stuff even though I’m not very good at remembering precedence

      *stormcast, a cybersecurity podcast. mostly for my job

      Reply ↓
    5. Flash*

      I’m seeing the Korean band Day6 in April, so I’ve been refreshing myself on their discography. They’ve put out so much music over the years that I have a nice variety, and it’s been so nice to rediscover songs of theirs I’d forgotten about!

      Recommendations: Marathon, Love Me Or Leave Me, Emergency!

      Reply ↓
    6. Generic Name*

      I’ve been listening to A Bit Fruity. Matt Bernstein has really thoughtful analyses of pop culture topics. Sometimes just him but usually with a guest. I also find his voice so, so soothing. (I think he should read bedtime stories) :)

      Reply ↓
    8. CtheRocker*

      I dont do podcasts, but I listen to American Family Radio when I’m in the car, and sometimes stream it on ipad.

      Reply ↓
    9. Elizabeth West*

      During the pandemic, I listened to a lot of Ridiculous Crime episodes. I haven’t listened to it in quite a while, though. When Stitcher died, I downloaded another app, but I kind of went more to YouTube.

      Reply ↓
    10. Bike Walk Bake Books*

      I subscribe to more than I get around to listening to. Newest favorite: The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily. The host Major Jackson has a wonderful voice. He muses a bit on how he relates to the poem or what he finds in it, then reads it. New episode every weekday, diverse lineup of poets.

      Emergence Magazine: Long-form audio on ecology and culture. I walked through a nearby park one day listening to Robin Wall Kimmerer read her essay on the serviceberry (which led to the book) and they talked about how she came to write the piece. Really wonderful.

      Occasional: Freakonomics Radio.

      Pretty regular: Talking Headways, a podcast for people who want to listen to transportation nerds nerding out.

      Your Brain at Work: The author of the book and others from the NeuroLeadership Institute with discussion of neuroscience and how we can be more effective at working (or anything else-ing) together. Good one recently, “The Science of Self Regulation in a Complex World.” Without directly talking about [all this] they talk about how we can set ourselves up for more or less stress and disappointment when we’re surrounded by unknowns and unpredictable, sometimes awful things.

      Always come back to: 99% Invisible.

      Need to come back to: This Land with host Rebecca Nagle, a citizen of the Cherokee Nation, on a bunch of legal topics for Native tribes. She follows intricate court cases in a way that brings them to life and helps you understand the underlying legal issues. You may already know the outcome of some of the cases she covers since she started in 2019 but it’s still fascinating and has a lot of what nobody taught me in school. Indian Child Welfare Act, sovereignty over land, why the Koch Brothers are all up in this and more.

      Reply ↓
  30. Bookish*

    Anyone else watching THE PITT? We binged it this week and I haven’t been this into a show in a long time!

    Reply ↓
    1. RussianInTexas*

      Yes! I like to pretend that Noah Wyle’s character is the same person as in ER, just older and very tired.
      It does have a startling amount of body horror.

      Reply ↓
    2. Hoary Vervain*

      I think literally every social media healthcare provider I follow has mentioned it in the last week or two! I don’t watch a whole lot of actual TV these days but I’m seriously contemplating it!

      Reply ↓
    3. Indolent Libertine*

      Yes, loved it! I’ve seen 12 episodes and I *think* there might be a new one just out, there was an email in my inbox to that effect this morning (or possibly yesterday). I think it’s great, and like @RussianInTexas I also see the Noah Wyle character as the “after” to his ER character’s “before.”

      On a related note, I am super creeped out by the emails various streaming sources are sending me that all boil down to “hey, we know you’re watching this show and there are episodes you haven’t seen yet, so get busy!”

      Reply ↓
    4. Spacewoman Spiff*

      Yes, I’m obsessed! This is the first time in years that I’ve treated something like appointment tv…every Thursday night I’m on my sofa, waiting for the new episode.

      Reply ↓
  31. BellStell*

    Ok I have a question. I am -almost 56, single and childfree and a woman. I have been single for 8 years and no desire for a boyfriend. But. For those of you who are the same age or older and single, how do you frame the getting older and retiring and end of life planning stuff? Not just finances but social connections? I am not lonely but not aure how well I would do in a retirement village as I live in a semi rural area now and love being close to nature. All thoughts welcome!

    Reply ↓
    1. GoryDetails*

      70s, happily single, home-owner in a suburb of a moderately large city: I’ve been thinking about this too, as health issues crop up more often (for me and in my circle of friends). The paperwork – health-care directives, a will, directions for care of my cats – was relatively simple. What does worry me a bit: whether I should put money into the upkeep of my house, planning to stay here for as long as I last, or whether I should decide that there’s too much for me to manage and I should look into affordable residential housing. (The latter would be challenging in this part of the world, and I wouldn’t want to uproot myself from my friend-circle, so I’m tending towards “keep my house in order”.)

      Oh, and for those of us who do live alone, there’s always the question of how long it might take for anyone to notice if I had a stroke or fell in the shower or dropped dead. (Could take as long as a week, as that’s about how often I see friends.) I’m mostly worried about the cats, who’d be in a tough situation for potentially a week or more. I don’t know that I want or need a medic-alert gadget, but some kind of daily check-in setup might be a good idea.

      Reply ↓
      1. BellStell*

        These are all good points. I rent but do have a cat. Thanks for helping me also think about these issues on checking in etc. and I do need to update my will.

        Reply ↓
      2. Just a name*

        The US Postal Service has a carrier alert program that can be set up with your local post office. Just search “carrier alert” and there is a lot of info. If the mail carrier notices an unusual accumulation of mail, then a series of alerts are done to designated people.

        Reply ↓
        1. GoryDetails*

          That’s a good thing to check – though in my case my volume of mail is so low that it could still take a few days before there was a noticeable backlog.

          Reply ↓
      3. Texan in Exile*

        I tried for years to get my mom to do a sign of life check every morning, but she refused.

        It wasn’t until after a friend of hers fell and spent three days on the kitchen floor that my mom finally agreed. She texts her next-door neighbor every morning now. The few times she hasn’t texted, the neighbor has let herself in with her key and checked on my mom (who was indeed sick).

        Reply ↓
        1. Seashell*

          The story about the deaths of Gene Hackman & his wife scare me a little, since I have a family member with mild dementia whose caregiver is significantly older than Gene Hackman’s wife.

          Reply ↓
        3. Elizabeth West*

          My mom does this too — she texts us a cat GIF every morning. Her granddaughters and my brother’s ex (their mom) live nearby, close enough to check on her if the text doesn’t come.

          Reply ↓
      4. MSD*

        I pay $14.95 a month for a check in service. It’s not an app I just have to send a text message each day. The text message is simply “ok”. I set an alarm on my phone for 10:10am everyday so I don’t forget. If they don’t hear from me they send some queries. If I still don’t respond they call my contact person. In my case the contact person is the local police to perform a wellness check. It gives me peace of mind because I really didn’t want my cat to start munching on me!

        Reply ↓
      5. Retired bureaucrat*

        I moved to a retirement community at age 76. I’m happy with the decision and my children are delighted. I’ve made new friends and keep busy with the activities here (in addition to everything I did before I moved.)
        I found that I could afford the services needed to keep me safe and comfortable in my beloved bungalow but obtaining those services was another story. Snow removal was the thing that pushed me into moving here.
        My kids are my POAs for medical and financial matters. I’d recommend that everyone consider who they’d want as POA for finances. One older friend lost a lot of mental acuity as the result of surgery. She doesn’t need a guardian but she does need help with financial matters and doesn’t really have anyone who will step up.
        And why does an old lady read Ask a Manager? I use the advice in volunteer activities, especially dealing with some of the guys who want us women to take notes and bring cookies.

        Reply ↓
    3. Rogue Slime Mold*

      Sound advice I recall was that if you were going to move to such a place, or in general to what you expected to be your last home where you would age in place, it was best to do that while still having the energy to build new connections. The retirement village can have the plus of being like college, where lots of other people are arriving and looking to make connections at the same time.

      With where you live now, the practical question for me would be whether I could keep up with the maintenance of home and yard, or afford to pay someone else to. Worth thinking about, both in terms of “When I start to have trouble with X, it’s time to think of moving” or “When I consider changes to the house and yard, how can I make them low maintenance?”

      Reply ↓
      1. BellStell*

        Excellent points thank you. I rent so it will be a good idea to plan to move while still in decent shape.

        Reply ↓
      2. goddessoftransitory*

        Another thing I read about aging at home that has stayed with me–while most people want to do this, in practical terms they end up isolated in one or two rooms as they lose the strength to keep up with maintaining an entire house, and aren’t really “at home” so much as “stuck.” Meanwhile, the house falls apart because it isn’t being repaired, and when the person has to move out, what should be an asset costs a lot to clean up and repair, and fetches a much lower selling price/money for them or their heirs.

        Reply ↓
    4. Girasol*

      At 70 I looked into retirement places and decided they weren’t for me. Too many people packed in, and too many expensive amenities I wouldn’t use. Staying in my small home saves enough to pay for help with house and yard and home care if I should ever need it. For society, volunteering is my first choice, but there are senior centers and Osher University classes for meeting new people, plus staying in touch with old friends. As for life logistics, last year I got a senior lawyer to explain everything I might need and get me set up legally. He helped me find a fiduciary who could handle finances if I lose the ability, and a care manager, since I have no family nearby nor younger friends who I’d saddle with medical power of attorney: responsibility for medical decisions when I’m too sick or compromised with dementia to speak for myself. That process was worky and a bit depressing but it’s great to have it done and know that I have everything I need to rely on. Just remember the terms “senior lawyer,” “fiduciary,” and “care manager.” I had no idea where to begin to look for help, but once I learned the right words I could find lots of info in google.

      Reply ↓
      2. Cotswolds/England/UK info (Bike Walk Bake Books)*

        Great advice–thanks for the specific terms.

        This really isn’t just a question for people who realize they’re aging into certain possibilities that accompany our later years. It’s for all of us, especially if you think your immediate family wouldn’t handle things the way you’d want it done.

        I have a newish friend, 52YO, single no kids, who doesn’t yet have any paperwork of any kind in order. I don’t know if she has family who would be legally expected to step in as next of kin, whether she’d want them to, whether they’d make the decisions she’d want in a crisis, etc. A driver could hit her while she’s crossing the street tomorrow and put her in a coma. She’s buying her home; who gets that and settles things when she dies? I’ve asked her some questions and got her started thinking about it.

        I’m attuned to this thanks to the s&*% show left by my daughters’ dad that they had to deal with as executors. Write a solid will for starters and don’t expect family members to be kind, honest, or helpful when you’re gone, that’s all I’m going to say.

        Reply ↓
        1. Texan in Exile*

          Yes please write a will. Any will is better than none looking at you my beloved sister in law who died suddenly at the age of 62 and left a mess for her children.

          Also, medical and financial powers of attorney and end of life decisions in writing (DNR, etc). My husband’s ex refused to decide about her end of life (she had terminal cancer) and said her two daughters could decide, which is a horrible thing to do to your own children. (She also, despite having cancer for 7 years, did not have a will.)

          (And if you are going to disinherit your kids in favor of your grandkids, that’s fine – but don’t make your son the executor and trustee. That’s just tacky.)

          Reply ↓
    5. Elizabeth West*

      I don’t want to work anymore, but I can’t retire, so pfffft. :\ At least since I’m working, if I didn’t show up, people would notice pretty quickly.

      Being alone, I try to be careful about stuff like getting out of the bathtub, eating, and moving furniture around (I never, EVER stand in front of it, always to the side). There’s no one to save me if something falls on me!

      I haven’t done anything as far as planning. I probably need to. I wrote a will years ago but it needs to be updated.

      Reply ↓
  32. Bluebell Brenham*

    Car air fresheners that aren’t the cheap paper tree kind? We just got a new car a few weeks ago and it still has a lingering smell that I don’t like- too chemical. Any ideas for making the car smell better but that won’t trigger asthma?

    Reply ↓
    2. Surrogate Tongue Pop*

      You can maybe get an odor absorber product (usually has gel/gel beads) to absorb the new car chemical smell and see if that helps? Or something with charcoal in it?

      Reply ↓
    3. Hoary Vervain*

      They can be a little strong but I, too, had a new-to-me-car smell problem and I found this adorable little bottle of oils that has a wooden diffuser cap. It’s capped underneath with a plastic stopper so it’s not always adding new oils (and so it doesn’t spill), so you can sort of control the amount coming out. I don’t refresh it often because I don’t love strong smells but it does provide a bit of counterbalance to whatever comes into my car (the new car smell is gone, finally, so now it’s more dog and children and snacks). I’ll see if I can find an example and link below.

      Reply ↓
      1. Hoary Vervain*

        Okay this url is absurd, sorry. I bought mine at an adorable local witchy story so I could smell them all and find the least overpowering one, but Etsy appears to have plenty for sale, too!

        https://www.etsy.com/listing/1733395436/hanging-car-diffuser-closet-diffuser-car?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=car+hanging+diffuser&ref=sr_gallery-1-12&organic_search_click=1&pro=1&sts=1&loc=1&local_signal_search=1&content_source=809bf918d317102d3017403b60de546b43c7e7e8%253A1733395436&logging_key=809bf918d317102d3017403b60de546b43c7e7e8%3A1733395436

        Reply ↓
        1. Roland*

          A general gross-url tip: you can usually delete the question mark and everything after it – test the new URL first before sharing because sometimes there’s something vital in there, but usually it’s all stuff for logging and tracking purposes.

          Ofc it can be annoying to delete on a cellphone, and it’s nbd to paste it all, but in case you ever want to :)

          Reply ↓
          1. Hoary Vervain*

            Appreciated! Once upon a time I knew how to link things in html but I’ve forgotten and couldn’t find an answer quickly enough for my squirrel brain and gave up. Will remember this tip, though!

            Reply ↓
    4. L. Ron Jeremy*

      Ozone generators can eliminate stubborn odors and sanitize your vehicle and the treatment offers a long-lasting solution that traditional cleaning methods can’t match.

      Reply ↓
      1. Shiny Penny*

        Ozone could help if the smell is biological, but probably not if the smell is from outgassing plastics?

        Also, in case people are unfamiliar, ozone is an oxidation agent. It’s excellent at breaking down organic substances. So it can harm natural rubber (because it’s vegetable not mineral) which some things in a car might be made of, but more critically ozone will kill plants and animals.
        It’s really important not to breath it, and to air out an ozoned car/shed/etc afterwards because some of the breakdown products are also worth avoiding.

        Some ozone anec-data:
        A 30 minute ozone treatment with a little $70 ozone generator (off Amazon) totally did fix a friend’s car after it was accidentally left downwind of a smokey campfire with all the windows open.
        But a different friend, who bought an ex-smoker’s car, found that the ozone cure was not a once and done miracle. The cigarette smoke had been a long term exposure, so stinky surface oils were a factor (so all the surfaces needed to be de-greased first for a better fix) AND the smell was deeply embedded in the cushions and carpet and everything. So although the ozone treatment would appear to fix the smell, it was only temporary. More smell would gradually re-emerge from a deeper layer.

        I have used ozone to save a car from mice in the engine— debulked and cleaned as much as possible, then ran ozone in the engine to break down all the urine tracks I couldn’t reach. It adds damage to rubber belts and hoses, but mice are dangerous also!

        I’ve also ozoned an old shed for a day, a few days before cleaning it out, which worked GREAT. No spiders or mice, and no-one got hantavirus!(possibly a coincidence lol)

        Reply ↓
    5. Just a name*

      How about a box of baking soda? Assuming you can find a way to secure it from spilling. Baking soda absorbs odors.

      Reply ↓
      1. Chaordic One*

        You might make an air freshener with baking soda using a jar or a cup that you can leave in your car’s cup-holder. I’ve seen some made with jars that had holes punched in their lids, some made from Mason jars with fabric instead of a lid and the sealing rings holding the fabric in place. Or maybe just have fabric on top held in place by rubber bands. Lot s of examples of this on the internet if you google it.

        You can leave the box in the car when you aren’t using it, and then remove it when you are. (Kind of a hassle, I know.)

        Reply ↓
      2. Camelid coordinator*

        That is what I did when I bought a new-to-me car. I put several of fridge kind with the open side throughout the car (in the door wells, for example).

        Reply ↓
      3. Peanut Hamper*

        Baking soda doesn’t actually absorb odors. That’s a myth that was promulgated by the Arm & Hammer corporation as a way to sell more baking soda when people started having refrigerators.

        If you want to absorb odors, what you need is a box of activated charcoal.

        In reality, the “new car smell” is just outgassing from all the plastics in the car’s interior. The best bet is to do as CityMouse suggested and just leave the windows open as much as possible to allow it to air out. Essential oils or other air “fresheners” are just masking the scent, but the chemicals that cause that odor are still there.

        Reply ↓
    6. Zona the Great*

      Spray an alcohol and essential oil mix into the intake which is the vent on your hood right outside the windshield. Do this while you run both the A/C and heat.

      Reply ↓
    8. Trawna*

      A cotton ball or pad with some vanilla extract on it works really well to soak up odours. Maybe put one under each front seat.

      Reply ↓
    9. Lissajous*

      For an odour absorber: crystal kitty litter! Terrible for cats, fantastic for house cleaning A absorbs liquids and odour very well, and then just vacuum it up

      Reply ↓
    11. WFH4VR*

      Search for activated charcoal odor absorbers. You can get a package of a dozen for under $20. I use them for the kid’s hockey equipment bag (ew) and they really do help absorb stenches.

      Reply ↓
  33. Cotswolds/England/UK info (Bike Walk Bake Books)*

    I get to go to England later this year thanks to a family member who’s renting a big place in King’s Sutton in the Cotswolds and inviting family and friends to stay with them. There will be quite a few of us and I expect we’ll end up with assortments of people going off in different directions or as a big group to do various things. At least one person is a confident left-side driver and we’ll have a van, maybe two vehicles.

    I have my list of things I’d like to see and do in the general area. It’s not far from Stratford-upon-Avon and Oxford for starters, and I want to see Stonehenge (or another ancient astronomical installation). I love history, museums, art galleries, walking, nature, used to be nuts about the Arthurian legend but it doesn’t mean I have to go track down Camelot.

    I want to go home with some (vegetarian) ingredients for recipes; we’ve been watching an old chefs’ competition show, the Great British Menu, and I love to cook. I also want some yarn for knitting as another souvenir. I’ve been to London once, wouldn’t mind going again but don’t feel compelled. I’d rather see more of the places I’ve read so much about over the years (all those kids’ fantasy books, Agatha Christie, modern novels).

    Beyond that location I could add on a couple of days with my sister-in-law, who’s open to traveling and spent 6 weeks in the UK a few years ago. She’s suggested Birmingham or Dublin. I’d rather go fewer places and see more of what’s there than check things off on a long list.

    What would you go see and do, and what would you bring home?

    Reply ↓
    1. Cotswolds/England/UK info (Bike Walk Bake Books)*

      I should have said that this will be at the very end of September and beginning of October. I don’t get to go to Stonehenge on one of the big astronomical days.

      Reply ↓
    2. RagingADHD*

      I had a fantastic time years ago with Londonwalks, and they’re still going strong. They have day tours to the Cotswolds, Stonehenge, and Oxford as well as all sorts of other themed walks in and around London.

      Even if you don’t want to book a guided tour, the descriptions could give you some ideas.

      Reply ↓
      1. Cotswolds/England/UK info (Bike Walk Bake Books)*

        I just went through and read several tours. Thanks for the tip! Definitely helps me add to the idea list.

        Reply ↓
    3. Cordelia*

      Definitely Oxford and Stratford, you can do both as day trips from where you are staying
      When you go to Stonehenge, go to Salisbury too, beautiful cathedral and interesting city, you can also visit Old Sarum the hill fort where the original cathedral was.
      Also Avebury, which is the worlds largest stone circle, you can get up close to the stones which you can’t do any more at Stonehenge.
      You could get to Bath for a day trip, that’s a beautiful city with lots of history.
      The National Trust website would give you some good ideas of other places to go near where you are staying.
      You could do Birmingham for a day trip – it’s a modern multicultural industrial city so would definitely provide a contrast to the Cotswolds! Not really on the tourist trail though, and maybe not the best choice for a few extra days with your sister-in-law. You could look at going north to York for an extra trip instead, very interesting historical city set in beautiful countryside that is much more wild and rugged than the Cotswolds.

      Reply ↓
      1. Cotswolds/England/UK info (Bike Walk Bake Books)*

        Thanks for the National Trust site suggestion. I just went through a quick search and found destinations and events to share with others going on the trip–things like a free Roman crafts event at a Roman villa. Very cool.

        Reply ↓
        1. Cordelia*

          The English Heritage website might also have some ideas. And you’re not too far from Kenilworth Castle, and/or Warwick Castle, both worth a visit

          Reply ↓
      2. londonedit*

        You can book special tickets for small-group visits to Stonehenge, either before or after the site opens to visitors, and on those you can go right up to the stones (you can’t touch them, obviously). It’s an amazing experience – I went in October after hours and we were there for sunset, which was incredible, but you can also do a dawn visit. You obviously can’t do it on one of the tourist bus trips but if you have access to a car then it’s something I’d 100% recommend.

        Also please remember that the Cotswolds, English cities and England in general are places where people actually live; it’s not a ‘quaint Olde Englande’ theme park. Please respect that (I don’t want to be rude but that’s where a lot of American tourists fall down when they come to visit and it’s one of the reasons why American tourists have a poor reputation).

        Reply ↓
        1. UKDancer*

          Yeah, I’ve a colleague in a small Cotswold town. She and her friends all have at least one story of finding American tourists in their garden / looking into the windows / trying to open the front doors. I get it, Cotswold villages are really pretty and slate roofed cottages are lovely but it’s important to remember that it’s not a theme park and people actually live there.

          And yes England is a modern 21st century country and we are not medieval peasants (thanks American lady in York last week who asked if I could take her picture on Lendal Bridge, flagging that it was with a mobile phone if I was able to use that). Yes we can indeed use mobile phone technology in Yorkshire even when we’re in very old cities.

          Reply ↓
    4. ivy*

      if you’re interested in Stonehenge, also check out Avebury the next day or in the afternoon. Part of the same UNSECO site but you can get right up close to the stones etc. It’s just a bit more fun and relaxed and there’s actually more to see there (the museum is at Stonehenge so you’ll get more out of the trip if you go to that first)

      Oxford will be easy to do on the train from King’s Sutton. Ashmolean, a couple of colleges (maybe Christchurch, New and/or Worcester – Christchurch is the most expensive though). I like the little gallery in the Weston Library – always interesting small (free) exhibitions. Blackwells if you like bookshops

      Reply ↓
    5. Pam Adams*

      when traveling, I always divide my time into morning, afternoon and evening. I will schedule only two of those time slots per day. All day on a trip- take the evening off. Going to a show? Do a morning thing and take it easy in the afternoon.

      I also love to plan/do time to sit and watch the world go by.

      Reply ↓
      1. Cotswolds/England/UK info (Bike Walk Bake Books)*

        Love this idea of time blocks. I definitely want some “I’m just here, in a different country” time. Thanks for the tip!

        Reply ↓
      2. HannahS*

        I do the same! Three blocks, 2 scheduled.

        I also tend to put lists of things I might want to do into a google map. It’s totally unfancy, but once I plan the Big Thing I want to do in the block of time, then I can look at my map and go, “Oh, that cafe that John-from-work liked is right around the corner” and find little gems instead of coming out of a museum and winding up at a Starbucks because I feel overwhelmed.

        Reply ↓
    6. Seeking Second Childhood*

      There’s beautiful industrial heritage museums & historical sites throughout England. I would find whatever exists nearest to where you are staying and give it a try. You can’t go wrong in my experience.

      Reply ↓
    7. WestsideStory*

      Definitely Stonehenge. That was a bucket list item for me and I practically cried when I got there. The best way to go is escorted bus tours – they also go to Stratford and tend to be very professionally run and worth the price.

      Reply ↓
    8. londonedit*

      I’m not sure about the ingredients side of things because I don’t know what you can’t get at home :D Great British Menu is a pretty high-end affair – what’s particularly impressed you? If you want a posh supermarket go to Waitrose, that’s seen as the poshest of the general supermarket selection. Marks and Spencer also have food halls in their shops which are seen as being on the posher side. So if you’re looking for higher-end ingredients that’s where I’d go. And of course in the smarter Cotswolds towns you’re bound to find little independent delis and whatnot.

      Reply ↓
    9. misspiggy*

      There are some amazing gastropubs in the Cotswolds – high end restaurants based in old pubs. High quality lunches and dinners, and good beer in a relaxed atmosphere. The Feathered Nest is a lovely example.

      Reply ↓
    10. Puffle*

      Just a note on vehicles- it might be worth having a second vehicle that isn’t a van, as roads in the Cotswolds can be very narrow (as in, single-vehicle width) and require some reversing to reach a passing place where you can let other vehicles past.

      For ingredients, perhaps try farm shops? The Cotswolds have tons of them. National Trust gift shops also tend to sell various interesting local preserves, chutneys, etc.

      If you enjoy museums and art galleries, the Ashmolean in Oxford (as well as being a museum) also has a number of galleries devoted to art (modern and historical)- they had a great exhibit on woodblock prints last time I visited. If you do go to Oxford, I would suggest considering park-and-ride, as Oxford itself really isn’t fun for driving or parking.

      I second all the recommendations for Avebury- as well as the stones in/ around the village, Silbury Hill and West Kennet long barrow nearby are worth seeing and within easy walking distance. There are a lot of well-preserved neolithic monuments in that part of England as well, such as the Uffington White Horse and Belas Knap.

      Glastonbury is a bit far but may be worth a visit if you’d like to see somewhere associated with Arthurian legends (specifically Avalon)- and has a very long, interesting history independent of that. The myth building around Arthur in that area is also quite interesting from a social/ cultural perspective. Bath is beautiful and may also be worth a few days, with quite a broad scope of historical sites (Roman baths, Regency houses, etc)- also a lot of independent shops and cafes.

      I wouldn’t personally recommend Birmingham, based on the interests you’ve listed. Cardiff might be an option? Lots of history, fairly chilled and laidback, not far from the Cotswolds, and has quite a different vibe. York is pretty but very busy and touristy- if you’ve got a fairly high tolerance for that, it’s worth visiting, but I would just be prepared- and book all your entrance tickets some time in advance!

      All this aside, I would also suggest taking some time just to find a nice cafe/ etc and enjoy the scenery! The Cotswolds can be very busy, especially if you’re in the popular places, but it’s also not hard to drive around and find somewhere quieter- if you’re willing to brave some narrower lanes, there are lots of village pubs hiding in quieter spots where you can sit outside and have a meal or a drink.

      Reply ↓
  34. Sloanicota*

    It’s funny you say that about short stories, I have the reverse, I feel like so many novels now didn’t need to be as long as they are, and just got written out to that length to fit the convention. Most of them I come away from thinking “this would have been a great premise for a short story” or “would have been better if they’d cut about a third out of the middle.”

    Reply ↓
    1. Rogue Slime Mold*

      A great frustration for me is picking up “Short Stories” that turn out to be novellas. Like it’s a much greater time investment than I planned back on the first page.

      Reply ↓
    2. goddessoftransitory*

      Heh, I call that the “This Novel Could Have Been An E-Mail” syndrome. I’m sure it’s impractical these days to publish novellas, but yeah; padding really stands out.

      Reply ↓
    3. KeinName*

      I agree with Alison on that, I’m most annoyed about getting into a persons life and then it stops. But I find your perspective also interesting!
      Today I watched five short films at a cinema festival. Also made no sense to me why one would offer a mini-movie; but then they were all fantastic, and worked very well for their duration. So cool to enter someone’s life in the middle and being taken on a journey.

      Reply ↓
    5. Six Feldspar*

      In a similar vein I love Annihilation as a stand alone story, I don’t think it needs the second or third books.

      Reply ↓
    6. Forensic13*

      There has been a rash of 400-and-change books that need a minimum of 75 pages cut; I completely agree!

      Reply ↓
    7. carcinization*

      Hahaha I’m the opposite… if a book sounds good to me but has less than 300 pages, I usually won’t read it, because I read fast so books of that length seem too short. The only exception is books I read for the book club I’m in as their guidelines are (loose, but) 300 pages or less to give everyone time to finish a book within a month even if they don’t have much time to read.

      Reply ↓
    8. Spacewoman Spiff*

      I would love to know what percentage of these novels are only novels because an agent read the story and said, “this could be a novel–write a novel”, because novels are what they can sell. I wish there were a little more openness to different forms and lengths of storytelling in the States…I think there are a lot of books that end up in their published shape only because that’s what’s considered “marketable.”

      Reply ↓
      1. Sloanicota*

        Yeah, I was really hoping with the rise of ebooks and kindle there might be a surge in the marketability of novellas. Novels are also generally poor formats for movies due to the required length so there could be really cool synergy with novellas. But I guess people want what they’re used to.

        Reply ↓
    9. Jill Swinburne*

      See also: self-help or instructional books where you think ‘that could have been a blog post’.

      Reply ↓
    10. Nightengale*

      I have yet to read a short story I liked. In English or (when in high school) French. Including short stories written by authors I otherwise love. Across genres. Love Mitchner’s novels (historical fiction.) Couldn’t handle his Tales of the South Pacific. Love Sara Paretsky’s mystery novels. Dislike her short stories – about the same characters. Ditto with JD Robb’s In Death books. Same with several fantasy authors. Most of my favorite authors write series so one book is too short, a short story is I guess too shorter?

      Reply ↓
  35. Phoebe*

    I’ve started going on walks in what I would consider a safe neighborhood, but I still want to carry some sort of self defense spray for use on humans or dogs. I’ve been doing some casual internet research and the SABRE brand seems to be the best brand for my needs because it comes in pepper gel form (less affected by wind and more sticky than spray), they have flip tops (seems the easiest to use without thinking and the least likely to be accidentally engaged), and they offer practice canisters.

    Their keychain version with finger groves looks like it would be easy to keep in my hand for instant use. It does 25 bursts up to 12 feet. They have a larger version that comes on a belt clip without finger grooves that provides 18 bursts at 18 feet. But I assume if I’m using it on a person or dog, the “attacker” would probably be very close to me by the time I realize I need to use it so maybe the keychain one is better? Maybe I could carry an extra?

    Does anyone here have experience using or carrying pepper gel? What was important to you when you were choosing one?

    Reply ↓
    1. Bethlam*

      I carry mine in my pocket, so I wanted one pocket size and with a trigger that wouldn’t go off by itself (mine is a flip top). I’ve only used it 3 times (all on dogs) in 20 years (replaced several times because they do lose strength over time).

      Reply ↓
    2. Zona the Great*

      My police officer friends say we should actually be carrying a product called pepperball blast and that those are the ones they’d want their daughter to carry.

      Reply ↓
    3. JSPA*

      I have experience of being in the vicinity of an accidental people spray release in a restaurant, two tables over, inside a handbag. One of the people in our group may have had a heart attack while gasping for breath, and definitely puked up and partially aspirated his birthday dinner. I have asthma, and it was touch-and-go for me, before I blind-fumbled my way to my inhaler. The woman it belonged to, and her family, were rushed to the hospital by ambulance.

      Which is to say, do what you have to do, but remember that any powerful deterrant is also a potential offensive weapon; that you, people you care about, and innocent bystanders can be in range / downwind; and that taking it along must always be done as mindfully and intentionally as you’d treat any other weapon that can be triggered by accident. That commitment to constant awareness (and to leaving it at home, if you don’t have an adequate way to stash it?) are at least as important as any specific brand or style.

      Reply ↓
      1. amoeba*

        Yeah, I believe it’s at least crucial to know how to use it correctly, because otherwise you’re just as likely to spray yourself with it as any potential attacker? I think there’s also different kinds, some of which are more like a cloud (not good!) and some more directed, but that’s really hearsay, have zero first gave knowledge of that. But anyway, something to keep in mind so you don’t accidentally endanger yourself/bystanders!

        Reply ↓
      2. Shiny Penny*

        Thank you for sharing that. I have wondered what an accidental exposure might do to someone with asthma, and decided it was too much of a risk to have on hand.
        I ended up getting my family members little $20 tasers instead. There are a number of accounts online saying that the scary “zap” noise tasers make is effective at deterring dogs from coming at you.
        My mom has used it several times to good effect (haven twice been bitten by loose dogs whose owners were yelling from afar, “Don’t worry, he’s friendly!”). She might accidentally zap herself, but that seems less lethal than a bad asthma attack with the causal agent all over your clothes and skin.

        Reply ↓
    4. fhqwhgads*

      Make sure it’s actually legal to have and use where you live. I know you might be thinking “well of course it is” but some states require a license to carry it.

      Reply ↓
      1. Imtheone*

        I had something that looked like pepper spray, but was actually a little device with a very loud alarm. It never went off by mistake, but if it had, the risks were minimal.

        Reply ↓
  36. Goose*

    Hi all! I had top surgery two years back and now I’m looking for some formal occasions dresses. I’m having trouble finding anything that doesn’t have darts for a bust or resources to direct me to any stores. Any suggestions on where to look?

    Reply ↓
    1. Lizzie (with the deaf cat)*

      Hi! You could have a look at Japanese fashions to get some ideas of the sort that have diagonal pleats or diagonal buttoning across the top; they don’t have bust darts and are designed to fit ‘flatly’.

      Reply ↓
    3. Potato Potato*

      Congrats! I’m in a similar place. I mostly wear shift dresses because they don’t have bust darts. You can also look for dresses in stretch fabric (stretch velvet is my favorite). If the dress isn’t quite formal enough, you can also layer a men’s suit vest over it.

      Reply ↓
    4. CanadaGoose*

      Hi Goose! I suspect the commentariat, like me, aren’t sure what you’re looking for. Don’t want to look feminine, androgynous, or masculine? Dresses typically assume some feminine curves in the chest area. Even for female people who are relatively flat-chested. If you’re quite thin, you could shop in stores with junior/teen styles that would accommodate a flatter profile better. If you’re older/stockier, either designers with a habit of making androgynous styles or some “mother of the bride” sections of formalwear stores might be places to start for cuts and styles that could fit. Getting something custom-made, especially in soft suiting, might be my pick… but that assumes preferences, time, and budget available.

      Reply ↓
      1. CanadaGoose*

        Arg, I meant to type “do you want to look …?” Since that’s a big part of the direction you’ll need to figure out.

        Reply ↓
  37. Bluebell Brenham*

    Another request- recommendations for a well designed electric kettle. Our last one was cheap and it’s now broken. Looking for something nice to look at, and that doesn’t involve too much effort to pour after the water is heated. (Sometimes there’s a too short cord or a fiddly base)

    Reply ↓
    1. Maestra*

      I have a Cosori gooseneck kettle. It has multiple temperature options which I really like. It really only makes enough water for two cups of tea when filled to the max line, but I rarely need to make more water than that, so it’s fine for me. I know other kettles will do a lot more water at once.

      Reply ↓
    2. Shiny Penny*

      I got mine from Costco. (Their returns policy is the best, and they are a great company.) It’s a Chefman, but I just got whatever Costco had that was the size I needed. You can tell it what max temperature you want! If you are making fancy tea! Which is not my thing, lol, but pretty cool. I do like the glass aspect so the water isn’t boiling in plastic (and also I just love how water looks). I love that the teapot itself has no cord. Instead it sits on a base to heat, and only the base plugs in. Super convenient!
      One of my top criteria was size— I need to boil up half a gallon of water to fill a thermos every day. But it is really heavy to pour!

      I also hunted down one for my mom online. For her I wanted smaller (quart or liter) stainless steel water enclosure, auto off, and the ‘cordless teapot with corded base’ idea. And it had to be cute! If I can find a link to the one I got, I’ll add it. Because my Mom totally loves it!

      Reply ↓
      2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        Ours is similar, Oxo brand – with the glass carafe, cordless kettle/corded base, variable temperature, and holds up to 60 oz. No complaints, easy to clean and use.

        Reply ↓
    3. Clara Bowe*

      If you are a Tea Person, the Cuisinart Perfect Temp kettle is a damn workhorse. It has adjustable temps and a keep warm option that is a delight. But if you want cute? The Fellow Clyde electric kettle is neat, as is the Dehlonghi. Kitchenaide also makes ones in a range of colors.

      Reply ↓
      1. Jay (no, the other one)*

        My piano teacher has a Smeg kettle that is adorable. I have lusted after one of their refrigerators since I started watching The Great British Baking show. I’ll never have one but a girl can dream…

        Reply ↓
    5. Coffee*

      we have the Chef’s Choice. it’s stainless steel. you lift it off the base and it automatically shuts off when the water is boiling.
      we’ve had a few years now with no complaints. we do try to descale it and we often use the filtered water to reduce limescale buildup

      Reply ↓
  38. Internet Computer Questions*

    As someone who is not especially tech saavy, I’m wondering if anyone is able to offer any suggestions about having internet service installed in my new house. I recently moved and the only internet service that really works for me a local company that offers high-speed fiber optic cable service. They are going to come to my house next week install some kind of an internet hookup that I will plug my router into. (According to them I don’t need a modem.) It is supposed to be really fast (with a download speed of 1 gig).

    It is a small 2-story house with living room, dining room, kitchen and a half bath on the first floor and 2 bedrooms and a full bath on the second. I’m planning to use one of the upstairs bedrooms as my office and I think I’d like have the connection installed in that bedroom. Does that sound reasonable? I can’t use wi-fi for my work computer for security reasons (it has be directly plugged into the router) but I will use wi-fi for my personal computer. And does anyone have any suggestions for a suitable router?

    Reply ↓
    1. Lady Alys*

      We got fiber optic installed last summer (we’re in the US). When getting a new router, I’ve tended to go with whatever the New York Times’ Wirecutter suggests, which right now is a TP-Link Archer AX3000 Pro. Coverage in our house (basement, main floor, 2nd floor) is pretty good (although things like the basement TV are plugged directly into an ethernet port in the wall that goes to a switch, so not reliant on wi-fi).

      Installation of the device from the fiber company involved the guy drilling a hole in our house all the way through from the outside, which was sort of nerve-wracking, so that might be something to consider about placement – does the room you intend to use for an office have an outside wall that your installer can get to easily?

      Reply ↓
      1. Internet Computer Questions*

        The room does have an outside wall, but it is on the second floor. Thank you for your router suggestion. I’ll look into it.

        Reply ↓
        1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          An alternative might be to run cable inside – for a variety of reasons, when I bought my house, the cable jack was on the first floor, we needed the modem on a different floor, and the router was back on the first floor but in a different room from the cable jack. So we drilled a tiny hole in the floor under the cable jack and dropped the coax down to the modem, then ran a length of cat-5 back up the laundry chute (which didn’t actually dump into the laundry room :-P ) to the router. All that to say, you might be able to be somewhat creative, if they can’t do what you need right out the box.

          Reply ↓
    2. Rick Tq*

      Yes, the installer should be able to bring the connection into that bedroom.

      While you are waiting for service check your ISP’s web site for a list of routers that they prefer/support. Almost every one on the market does wireless plus 4 ports of wired access so they will work fine. Most of the models at Best Buy or Costco should be fine.

      Reply ↓
      1. Internet Computer Questions*

        The ISP does not recommend any specific routers, but they do list some specifications.

        * They recommend Wi-Fi 6 (802.11ax), but say that Wi-Fi 5 (802.11ac will work).
        * They recommend Dual-band or Tri-band routers (2.4 GHz and 5 GHz) and a Mbps rating that matches your subscribed internet speed, so 1 gig;
        * They recommend a router with an external antenna (or antennas) which supposedly provide better coverage.
        * Lastly they talk about Additional Features which they list as: Quality of Service (QoS), MU-MIMO (Multiple User, Multiple Input, Multiple Output), and Beamforming. But they don’t say what those terms mean or how they relate to a router.

        Your suggestion of looking at Costco and Best Buy was very good. I bought my personal laptop at Costco. Sometimes I just default to WalMart and they don’t always have a very good selection.

        Reply ↓
        1. Rick Tq*

          QOS – Being able to give specific computers priority access to the internet. Unless you have a lot of devices and stream videos constantly this probably isn’t an issue.
          The other two features have to do with how the router manages the radios and antennas to give the best performance in high-load environments (big house or many devices.
          MU-MIMO – allows better simultaneous access when many people are active at the same time
          Beamforming – sending the radio waves to specific locations instead of simply spreading them evenly. It can help with performance over large areas.

          Beamforming may help if you want to stream movies to a TV or tablet downstairs.

          Reply ↓
          1. Internet Computer Questions*

            Thank you for explaining those terms in understandable language. I don’t expect these additional features to be something that I’ll need or use, since most of the time it is just me at home by myself, although I do use my personal computer and the work computer at the same time. The house is comparatively small, about 1,200 square feet on 2 stories.

            Reply ↓
            1. Rick Tq*

              When you are setting things up you need to set a good secure password on your Wireless network and perhaps not advertise the network name. Just having your work laptop wired and your personal one wireless doesn’t mean the work laptop is secured. If they are on the same network address ranges they can see each other and exchange data (or malware).

              Consider talking to your IT team and possibly your CISO office (Chief Information Security Officer) for suggestions on how to secure your home network.

              Good luck.

              Reply ↓
  39. Who Am I?*

    OK: how do you know what your LEGAL name is? My daughter asked me this as she is putting me on her will. Let’s say I was born as Lilly Beth Bosnickety (which is a very unusual last name; it was changed when my great-grands immigrated to the US and there are now 6 people in the US with that last name and a handful of women with that as a maiden name). I married Roger Lanning. I don’t remember what I did with my social security; but my bank accounts, passport, and driver’s license, etc. all say Lilly Beaumont Lanning (which is what I told her to use).

    Reply ↓
    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Every time I’ve changed my name (which, I’m at six now, because I have bad taste in ex-husbands and changed my first name separate from any marriages/divorces), I’ve had to go register the change with the social security office first before I could update any other official documents, so I would assume that your social security record is probably under the same name as your passport, driver’s license, etc. Also, speaking from experience, if your name/SSN combo on your tax filing doesn’t match your name/SSN combo with the social security office, the IRS will reject your refund and tell you to sort out your records. So if that hasn’t happened, again, I would assume your SSN corresponds with whatever name you’ve been using on everything else. (And that also suggests to me that it’s the name corresponding with your SSN that is probably your most officially Legal Name.)

      Reply ↓
    2. Undone Spragg*

      I think your id is the way to go. I changed my name by common usage so the name on my birth certificate was different from the name on all my other documents. I recently formally changed it and when I asked the lawyer helping me what my legal name was, it def was the one I was using, not my birth name. Even when I order my birth certificate (actually a consular report of birth abroad, so I get it from the feds), I order it with my new name, tell them I’ve also used my old name, and they don’t blink. That was in the before times though.

      My sister, on the other hand, got her social security card at 16 (back in the day when you didn’t get it in the hospital) and put down a nickname she never uses anymore. Her legal name is the name on her passport ( and she was recently able to open a bank account for inherited money using the name on her passport although she had to explain the discrepancy).

      Reply ↓
    3. Seashell*

      I wouldn’t worry about it too much. She should consult with a lawyer, but I bet it will be fine as long as it clearly identifies you as her mother. She might be able to put Lilly Lanning, nee Bosnickety, if it might be an issue.

      My Social Security card and driver’s license don’t completely match. Not the real names, but let’s say the name on my birth certificate was Sally Jane Smith, and I married Greg Martin. I originally had Sally J. Smith on my driver’s license. When I got married, I wanted to use my maiden name as a middle name & make everything Sally Smith Martin. I did that on my Social Security card, but when I tried to change my driver’s license to match, they said I couldn’t because I already had a middle initial on my previous driver’s license. So my driver’s license is Sally J. Martin.

      Reply ↓
    4. fhqwhgads*

      If it’s on your passport, and you haven’t changed it since getting said passport, and said passport is still valid, that one. That said, there’s a reason why a lot of forms that ask for your legal name also ask if you ever went by any other names, and that’s to help disambiguate who you are.
      I am not a lawyer. This is not legal advice.
      Assuming her will says “my mother, Lilly Beaumont Lanning of WhereeverYouLive” and no one else shows up to contest that you are in fact her mother and not some other Lilly Beaumont Lanning, it’s fine. I mean, hopefully your daughter doesn’t predecease you, but yeah.

      Reply ↓
    6. Generic Name*

      My legal name is the name on my birth certificate, passport, social security card, and drivers license. They all match because I reverted to my original name after divorce. Until I changed it back, (and it was a lot of effort) I didn’t realize how much my name meant to me. I’m remarried now, and my name is still mine. Never changing it again.

      Reply ↓
    7. WS*

      What’s on your driver’s license is good enough for legal matters.

      That said, my partner’s dad spelled her name wrong on her birth certificate and nobody ever realised. (Something like Sarrah instead of Sarah, a very common name with a doubled letter.) This wasn’t an issue for 45 years, but then having to accumulate a certain number ID points for a government ID verification service to manage business taxes, the government computer suddenly picked up the extra letter and refused it because her documents didn’t match!

      Reply ↓
      1. Kay*

        This is not always true as a blanket statement – I say this as someone with lots of professional experience dealing people who have thought the same yet run into significant legal issues for it. Using the name on the passport is typically the best answer. If it is a REAL ID compliant driver’s license that isn’t as much of an issue, but the passport is the better answer.

        Reply ↓
    8. Zoe*

      …Your legal name is the name that’s on those documents that you mentioned (PASSPORT, DRIVER’S LICENSE, bank accounts, etc). I put the first two in all-caps because they basically trump anything else–the passport especially, because of all the identification/citizenship status-verification hoops you would have had to jump through to get it (assuming you’re in the U.S. and I’m only saying that because that’s the only passport experience I have).

      Have you purchased airline tickets within the last like, 20-plus years, at least in the U.S.? Your name on those tickets HAS to match whatever photo identification you’re using at airport check-in, TSA screening, and the boarding gate–such as your driver’s license or passport. So that would (presumably) also be your legal name.

      Reply ↓
    9. Zoe*

      I don’t remember what I did with my social security

      Things are a bit of a cluster right now but you might want to consider getting that SSN card replaced, as a high priority task? Unless you meant that you have your card* but don’t remember what you did, name-wise, it? I only say this because once I lost my card (it is likely still in my house) and I don’t wish that panic on anyone. The replacement process (at the time) wasn’t actually that bad, and now I keep said replacement in a secure spot in case I ever need it for I-9 confirmation or anything else.

      *for non-Americans and Americans younger than a certain age–it used to be that you only got a Social Security number and physical card when you actually started working, since its original purpose was to track a person’s earnings history. The practice of issuing Social Security numbers (and physical cards with your name, number, and space for your signature) at birth didn’t really get underway until maybe the late 1980s or so (don’t quote me on this, I’m looking at the Social Security website but like, grain of salt and all).

      But anyway, that’s why there can be a discrepancy between the name on someone’s Social Security card and the name on their photo identification, passport, etc–especially if they didn’t get an SSN card until later in life.

      Reply ↓
    10. Girasol*

      Oddly enough, Dad styled my name oddly in his will – used a name I’ve never gone by. I expected all kinds of legal trouble. But it was close and no one questioned it at all.

      Reply ↓
      1. A Significant Tree*

        I wish I had your luck on that! My beloved grandmother used my married last name *and* misspelled it in her will. (Her last major trip was to see me get married) I only use the married name socially and never changed my name legally. I went three rounds with the life insurance company and finally had the executor step in on my behalf because the company could. not. comprehend that my legal name was not my married name. After supplying a detailed explanation (“I got married but did not change my name, and btw Nana misspelled my married name”) along with copies of my birth cert, my driver’s license, and my marriage license, it ended up with me writing a letter consisting of a single sentence stating that A Significant Tree and A Significant Shrubbery, misspelled as Srhubbery, are indeed the same person, and had to have it witnessed/signed by two people. Which is better than the route they were about to take, which was to require my divorce decree and legal name change paperwork, neither of which exist. Two months of that idiocy.

        So, I would say whatever’s on your driver’s license and passport is your legal name, and all but the dumbest organizations will accept that.

        Reply ↓
    11. Ali + Nino*

      FWIW I changed my social security card FIRST (when I wanted to change to my married name) and then did driver’s permit/license, bank accounts, passports, etc. My understanding is the social security card trumps everything else. I think it’s pretty important to know your own legal name!

      Reply ↓
      1. Imtheone*

        My son changed from a hyphenated last name to a middle and last name. He got the order from the county clerk, then took it to the so I security office. With the new card, he requested an amended Imtheone certificate. (Maybe I don’t remember the order. Birth certificate could have been first.)

        Reply ↓
    12. RagingADHD*

      Have you ever borrowed money, bought a car or a house, signed a lease, or filed income tax? Are you registered to vote?

      The name you used for these legal documents and government interactions is your legal name.

      Reply ↓
    13. Chaordic One*

      Just curious. If I understand this correctly when your great grandparents immigrated to the U.S. they changed their last name from Bosnickety to Beaumont? And all of the family members in the U.S. are Beaumonts (unless they get married and/or change their last name)? Right?

      If not, where did Beaumont come from?

      Reply ↓
      1. RagingADHD*

        I think it’s got to be a typo, because OP would not have been born with the old world name if it was changed generations ago. The old world pre-immigration name would be completely irrelevant to the OP’s legal name.

        Reply ↓
  40. Chaordic One*

    In response to Elizabeth West’s mentioning that her favorite Doctor Who companion is Donna Noble, I feel I have to comment on Catherine Tate, the actress who plays Donna Noble. I don’t recall seeing her before her role on DW. I liked her int he role, although I was mildly surprised when I read an interview where she made some self-deprecating comments along the lines of not being a typical petite flower of a companion (like say, Billie Piper). O.K., Catherine is a bit insecure about her appearance, I thought.

    Quite a few years went by before I learned that before being cast on DW she was well known as an versatile actress and comedian and that she had had her own sketch comedy show, “The Catherine Tate Show,” on the BBC where she played a variety of different characters. (IMHO it was sort of a cross between the sketches shown on Saturday Night Live and The Carol Burnett Show.) There was later a spin-off show, “Catherine Tate’s Nan,” based on one of the characters that was introduced on “The Catherine Tate Show.” There are quite a few clips of her shows on YouTube and if you google “Catherine Tate Show” on YouTube they are kind of fun to look at if you have a few minutes to kill.

    Reply ↓
    1. Chocolate Teapot*

      The other character she did was Lauren the teenager, whose catchphrase was “Am I bovvered?”

      I also remember that she and David Tenant appeared on stage together a couple of times as well.

      Reply ↓
      1. Chaordic One*

        There’s a great episode of The Catherine Tate Show where David Tennant guest-starred as Lauren’s English teacher at school. Google it on YouTube.

        Reply ↓
          1. Elizabeth West*

            Yes, that was great! I actually found The Catherine Tate Show because of her being on Doctor Who (it was on Netflix for a while), but I watched it all and loved it. Lauren cracked me up. I went around saying “Am I bovvered? Do I look bovvered?” for ages, lol.

            She came back briefly with David Tennant before Ncuti Gatwa took over. I love Ncuti; he’s so freaking cute. I loved Jodie, too; I don’t think the writers did her justice, but she was awesome.

            You know, when you think about it, having the character regenerate so you can just change the actor was an absolute genius move. This show could literally go on forever. :)

            Reply ↓
    2. Anonymous Cat*

      She also has a role on the American sitcom “Going Dutch” where she plays a Dutch woman who was sort of dating the commander of the US military base nearby.

      Reply ↓
    3. Mutually Supportive*

      She’s versatile, but I’ve always hated her sketches on the Catherine Tate show. They’re so crass and horrid, I don’t find it at all funny or clever comedy. Perhaps I’m just a bit boring but I don’t understand why it was ever commissioned.

      Reply ↓
      1. Chaordic One*

        I can understand that the show isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. What I liked about it was that it wasn’t just her, as the star, getting all the laughs. Her show was very much an ensemble with the actors working together, working off of each other, and setting each other up, to get some big laughs.

        Reply ↓
      2. Jill Swinburne*

        Some I find very funny, like the posh mum (‘children, that was daddy. There’s been some terrible news. I’m so sorry, my darlings, I don’t know how to tell you…but the shop was out of havarti’) but I don’t like Gran because I also find her too crass.

        It’s a feature of sketch shows…they’ll try all sorts of things to see what lands well and what they can get away with. I prefer Catherine Tate to Matt Lucas and David Walliams.

        Reply ↓
        1. Mutually Supportive*

          Hmmm, I probably agree about preferring to Matt Lucas and David Walliams, but that’s a very low bar!

          Reply ↓
    4. Fellow Traveller*

      How very Baader-Meinhof for me!
      I had no clue who Catherine Tate was before this week, but I’ve been on a Shakespeare kick lately and watching YouTube videos of stage productions. There is a production of Much Ado About Nothing with Tate as Beatrice and Tennant as Benedick. There are a couple excerpts of it on YouTube and they are delightful.

      Reply ↓
      1. Is it Friday yet?*

        she’s also my favorite companion! except my first exposure to her was on the office (US version, late seasons) and I wasn’t a fan. so I wasn’t happy when I saw her on Dr who (I watched much later than when it came out) but she played the character with such heart. I loved her.

        Reply ↓
  41. Anyone read "The Mighty Red" ?*

    Has anyone read The Mighty Red? I just finished listening to it and feel I am vibrating. I can’t explain what I mean very well. It moved me, but I’m not sure why. What did others think?

    Reply ↓
  42. RussianInTexas*

    Not really a question, but an observation. I have the most talkative cat on the planet. I have three: the old lady Spirit, who is pretty quiet, and big fluffy orange twins, Fred and George, possibly Maincoon mix, but no one knows. Fred is a big chill boy, mostly quiet except for the zoomies or when he really wants pets. George though. He talks constantly. Chirps, squeaks, meows, thrills. Makes noises when he walks, sleeps, eats, cuddles, plays, anything. And I’ve always heard that cats don’t meow at each other, except my boys totally do!
    Anyone else has very talky pets?

    Reply ↓
    1. Forrest Rhodes*

      I think it comes with the breed, RussianInTexas. The Mainecoons I’ve encountered have been very chatty, and consider themselves to be invited members of every human conversation they come across!

      Reply ↓
    2. YNWA*

      I read or watched in a documentary that cat vocalizations are in response to human vocalizations. I’m a talker. I talk to myself or to my husband and if he’s not around, I talk to my cats. As a result, all of my cats have been talkers. One was a siamese mix, three have been orange tabbies (including my current cat who didn’t start talking until she’d been with us for 18 months or so), and a tortie. The tortie talked the most out of all of them. She and I could have entire conversations with one another. She talked to herself, too.

      Reply ↓
      1. Six Feldspar*

        There’s a great video of a young woman practicing her opera singing, and then her cat hops up on screen and joins in. Clearly singing is a communal activity in that house!

        Reply ↓
    3. CityMouse*

      One of my cats makes these low level trills when she’s running around. Never had another cat who does that.

      Reply ↓
        1. RussianInTexas*

          My cats eat dry food that’s always available, but the treats time gets loud. George eats treats with the weird piglet noises.

          Reply ↓
    4. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Our cats are quiet, but my elder dog has Opinions about everything and is constantly insistent on sharing them. I keep trying to tell her that yelling at the other dogs in the neighborhood to be quiet does not actually lead to a reduction in noise, but she doesn’t believe me. My woofapotamus occasionally auditions for a baritone solo in the neighborhood chorus as well.

      Reply ↓
    5. Six Feldspar*

      I love cats that want to tell you all the gossip! Don’t have any myself because I need to do some work on the house first and it’s not fair to take a cat from living a shelter straight into living through a bathroom renovation. But I love meeting cats around the neighbourhood that want to tell me everything that’s happened since we last caught up :)

      Reply ↓
    6. Lizzie (with the deaf cat)*

      I had a fabulous cat, got her when she was about 5, who talked with a whole range of sounds and even liked to chat with people on the phone if I held it near her ear and they said hello to her. She would carry on a lengthy conversation and would initiate a chat if I came back into a room after being in another room for five minutes – bringing me up to date on her thoughts and the meaning of life.
      My deaf cat would yell Staff!! Whenever she used her litter box but was otherwise quiet.

      Reply ↓
      1. Cordelia*

        ha, I love that and have now realised the difference between my sister’s cat’s vocalisations, and those of my old cat. My cat would definitely have been giving orders to her staff and reprimanding them for poor service. Her cat however will have a nice chat with you

        Reply ↓
    7. StrayMom*

      Oh my, yes. Binx has opinions about EVERYTHING and he doesn’t hold back. He meows, chirps, trills (usually in the wee hours of the morning), and if he’s sitting on my desk while I’m taking a work call, he chatters so loudly that my colleagues can hear him.

      Reply ↓
    8. An Australian in London*

      Bengals are known for being loud.

      Blind cats are almost always louder than sighted cats of their breed.

      Our blind Bengal rescue is very loud indeed.

      It’s not always complaint. She also sings for joy when running on her wheel. When it’s complaint (why is everyone doing anything but paying attention to MEEEEEE), she will stop yelling to listen to music.

      Her favourite is Taylor Swift.

      Reply ↓
    9. Chauncy Gardener*

      My new kitty is very vocal! She’s a domestic shorthair/black and white. She talks to the dog, all the people and I believe to herself as well.

      Reply ↓
  43. Frankie Bergstein*

    Is anyone nervous about the potential for an upcoming recession? How are you preparing? Is anyone saving / hoarding money and/or proactively applying?

    Reply ↓
    1. Alex*

      Very worried about a recession. I’m not doing anything in particular since I was already trying to save up. But yeah, I’m worried. I think it is inevitable.

      Reply ↓
      1. Teacher Lady*

        Same. I am concerned, certainly, but I honestly don’t think there are any changes I need to make; my double-income-no-kids household already keeps expenses low and saves aggressively, and our only debt is our mortgage, for which the interest is below 2%.

        Reply ↓
    2. Cynthia*

      Mostly I’m scaling down my expectations for the next few years-for example, I had loosely planned to take the next step in my career next fall/winter, but I’m probably going to have to sit tight for awhile. I’m also scaling back on the budget: switching to a cheaper car, aggressively paying off the credit card, that sort of thing. Not hoarding money or resources so much as getting ready for a potential downgrade in lifestyle.

      Reply ↓
    3. Chaordic One*

      I’m hoarding money. Aside from being picky about how I spend my money and cutting out small luxuries, I pay off my credit cards every month. I bought a new car a year ago and borrowed about half of the purchase price at 4.99% interest. Right now I have enough money in savings to pay off the car loan, but I’m hanging onto my money just in case I need it for something else, like day-to-day living expenses if I were to lose my job. If I felt better about the economy I would pay off the car loan.

      Reply ↓
      1. MissB*

        I have similar angst about a car payment. I did a huge down payment on my EV and have about a year left on the resulting loan. It is at 1% so I shouldn’t stress over it at all, but still. I will feel much better when it is gone. I’m not driven enough to pay it off with savings – at 1%, it is beating inflation – but not having that payment each month will be nice.

        Reply ↓
    4. Lizzie (with the deaf cat)*

      On an observational note (here in Australia), during Covid lockdown people did A LOT of big jigsaw puzzles – and afterwards for a long time there were heaps of them at garage sales, and usually the 1000 piece size. Very cheap too as there were so many!
      If you can keep your cats off them, they are useful thing to have as a low-key thing to do that can be a bit absorbing and anxiety-reducing.

      Reply ↓
    5. WestsideStory*

      We are telling everyone the key will be “no debt.” Not everyone can manage it, true, especially if mortgages are involved, but weaning off the credit cards with an eye to building up emergency funds will provide a better base.
      Personally we are planning to travel more this year, before the dollar tanks.
      In US I’ve lived through 3 major recessions and a pandemic; we may wind up eating a lot more pasta but I’m not scared.

      Reply ↓
    6. Busy Middle Manager*

      Absolutely! I’ve been seeing signs around me for a solid year +, I’m surprised it’s not actually here yet!

      I feel like everything from the housing bubble to car loan bubble is dragging on way longer than I had initially thought; I am prepping for it by day trading with small amounts and leaving most of my $$ in bonds (at least they pay real interest now, I have a few close to 5%).

      It’s very frustrating, because my income has been stunted, but I cannot commit more money to any trade or investment without getting heart palpitations or constantly checking my phone.

      Reply ↓
    7. Busy Middle Manager*

      I will add, I don’t think this recession will hit exactly like 2008. I see so many people are already broke and underemployed or unemployed; their situation may actually improve if it’s no longer an insane pipe dream to get on the property ladder. And if they ever save enough to invest, they won’t be buying it at insane bubble prices like we had until this month.

      Reply ↓
    8. Anonymous Cat*

      Real question—what do people mean when they say “hoarding money” ? I’ve seen the term frequently lately but I’m not sure if they mean “saving” or something else?

      And my recession activity—I’m looking around at my life for anything that needs to be replaced/fixed in case prices go through the roof.

      This includes ME and I have dental appointments lined up.

      Reply ↓
      1. Generic Name*

        Thank you for asking this. Like are people withdrawing cash and hiding it in their mattress, or just not spending every last penny each month so they have some left over and then it builds over time? If it’s the latter, may I suggest a high yield savings account so it grows (rather than keeping everything in a checking account).

        Reply ↓
      2. MissB*

        I interpret that as not spending frivolously. They’re watching their spending carefully, which means they’re adding to their savings rather than wasting money on non-essentials.

        Reply ↓
      3. Ginger Cat Lady*

        It just means saving money instead of spending it. I find people who tend more towards saving/living below their income anyway call it savings, people who tend more towards spending/living large call it hoarding when they feel they need to change. At least that’s what I’ve noticed among my family and friends.
        It’s just a different way of speaking about money and managing finances. It’s not actually anything different.

        Reply ↓
        1. Anonymous Cat*

          I’m not sure it’s just another term though. “Saving” is a good practice for a limited resource but “hoarding” is accumulating to a degree that other people are deprived.

          So it puzzles me when it refers to money.

          Reply ↓
          1. fhqwhgads*

            Hoarding, to me, needn’t deprive others, just implies hanging on to substantially more than the person doing it needs to have on hand.

            Reply ↓
    9. Elizabeth West*

      Yes, but what I’m more worried about is the decimation of services. I need a surgery, maybe two. My company offers the worst insurance on the planet. I also have public healthcare as a backup, but if Melonhead Nepo Baby trashes it, I’m screwed. The state can only offer so much protection. I do not want to replace student debt (forgiven) with medical debt (probably won’t be).

      I did not ask to live in interesting times, universe. >:(

      Reply ↓
    10. MissB*

      Stashing cash (in a bank account, people!) Not spending $ outside of groceries or our already funded remodeling projects. No mortgage, little car payment (1 more year at 1%).

      Dh is retired and draws from his 401k. I had him draw on Jan 2 for the entire year rather than month to month. I would have a hard time drawing $ with the market plummeting even though his 401k is as conservative as possible for preservation of $. There are still some losses, just not as great as previous market fluctuations.

      I’m growing more this year. I already started my garden seeds inside as appropriate. I have over a hundred plants I’m keeping alive, waiting for my greenhouse to be finished (that’s one of the funded projects this year).

      I give away a lot of tomato, pepper and eggplant starts each spring. Happy to do so as it takes very little extra effort to grow more of a variety (I’m using seed snails this year so it’s like zero extra effort).

      Reply ↓
  44. Librarian of Things*

    In the conversation earlier this week about the vegan policing everyone’s snack options, there was a thread on vegan donuts. In that thread, I mentioned that I have a stellar vegan scone recipe.

    If you want to make them conventionally, just sub in dairy/eggs. They turn out delicious either way, though they’re a little more crumbly conventionally.

    Hoary Vervain, by request, here’s the recipe (US measurements):

    Vegan Scones
    makes 8

    2 cups flour
    3 Tbsp sugar
    1 Tbsp baking powder
    1/2 tsp salt
    6 Tbsp vegan margarine, chopped
    1 cup chocolate chips, dried currants, golden raisins, etc. (optional)
    1/3 cup soy milk
    Egg replacer for 2 eggs
    2 Tbsp sugar (I use Demerara, but any is fine)

    Pre-heat oven to 400° F.

    In large bowl, combine flour, 3 Tbsp sugar, baking powder, and salt. Cut in vegan margarine. Stir in chocolate chips, if desired.

    In a separate bowl, whisk together soy milk and egg replacer. Add to dry ingredients and stir until dough forms.

    Place on a lightly floured surface and knead a few times. Pat into a circle about 2 inches thick. Cut into 8 wedges. Place on a baking sheet and sprinkle with remaining sugar (I bake it as a circle, just pulling the wedges out slightly so they’re spaced about 3/4” apart).

    Bake 20-25 minutes until lightly golden. Serve warm with margarine, jam, Nutella, or marmalade.

    Enjoy!

    Reply ↓
    1. Shiny Penny*

      Thanks for writing up and posting—it looks like a delicious recipe!
      There were a number of commenters hoping you would share. Hopefully they will track this down later in the week!

      Reply ↓
  45. Ali + Nino*

    Chodesh tov to all who celebrate! And to those prepping for Passover…how’s it going? I’m planning to tackle the fridge and freezer tomorrow (I hope) and go through my cookbooks for Passover-friendly recipes so I can start on my menus and shopping. Any recipe repository recommendations? Trying to ride the excitement so the stress doesn’t take over!!!

    Reply ↓
    1. Bluebell Brenham*

      Our household is making some progress, and I’ve updated this year’s planning spreadsheet. We are only hosting one night this year, and it will be a small Seder. We do a very springy meal so the cooking is pretty simple. We will be doing the non perishable shopping today- we just store the groceries down in the basement.

      Reply ↓
    2. one of the many librarians*

      For recipes, there are a few good ones at Kosher on a Budget (I’m planning to make the sweet potato gnocchi with sage and brown butter), and I usually check Tori Avey and Jamie Geller. But the challenge for me was always lunches, until I started making caramelized onion cream cheese. It’s my favorite thing on matzo, and I don’t get tired of it for a week or more. I make a big batch of caramelized onions and use them in mashed potatoes, quinoa pilaf, etc.

      My other go-to is almond flour biscotti, half with sliced almonds and half marble. They’re not super-sweet but they’re good with coffee or as an afternoon snack. Based on the Pesach Biscotti recipe from Peppermill dot com.

      Time to eat down the chametz!

      Reply ↓
  46. Ezra*

    Question for any sewists: I have a (relatively new, so this was disappointing) linen sheet that’s developed a bunch of holes and weak spots in a fairly large area.

    The sheets came with four pillow cases and I only have two pillows, so there’s plenty of fabric for patching it. My question is, would it be better to do one giant patch over the whole area (potentially with some extra stitching in the middle for reinforcement), or to do smaller patches over the actual holes/reinforcement stitching on thin spots?

    Reply ↓
    1. Weegie*

      I wouldn’t patch a sheet at all – it would likely make it uncomfortable. If the holes are few and small you could try darning them, but it sounds as though your sheet has more extensive wear. If the wear is in the centre, you could try ‘turning’ the sheet instead. Searching for ‘how to turn a sheet’ brings up a number of forums that explain how to do it.

      Reply ↓
      1. Still*

        Hi Weegie, I’ve tried searching on a couple of different browsers and haven’t found anything that seemed related. I’m really curious, would you mind explaining what you mean by “turning”? Not an instruction, just the general concept?

        Reply ↓
        1. Weegie*

          I’ll put a link in a reply that will take you to a forum discussion that explains it better than I can!

          Reply ↓
    2. Six Feldspar*

      Depends on how spread out the holes/weak points are, but using some iron on interfacing on the back of the sheet will help stabilise it and can be done much faster. Once that’s done you’ll be able to patch/darn over if you think it needs it. A big patch means less edges but you’d need to sew across the patch to stop it slipping over the weak fabric (similar to sewing quilt layers together)

      You might also want to rearrange it on the bed, eg if all the holes/weak points are at the foot end because someone has restless legs then you’d make the bed with the weak spots at the head.

      I think “turning the sheet” refers to cutting it in half and sewing the pieces back so that the outsides are in the centre and the weak points are on the sides. You could try it but I’m not sure how easy it would be to make the new centre seam comfortable/durable.

      Reply ↓
      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        There was a Channel Four series years ago called Scrimpers in which an elderly woman described cutting and resewing a worn sheet. I think the uncomfortable middle seam was just something you had to deal with.

        Reply ↓
        1. Buni*

          You could unpick both the side seams to make the whole now-middle seam flat, but can confirm it never quite exactly sits right again….

          Reply ↓
        2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          Maybe a way to keep your sleeping partner from taking their half of the bed out the middle :)

          Reply ↓
      2. LBD*

        I would use a flat felled seam to sew the two edges together. The outside leg seam of traditional jeans is an example of a flat felled seam. Of course the fabric of the sheet would be much less bulky.

        Reply ↓
    3. Not A Manager*

      It sounds like the problem isn’t excessive wear in one place, but rather that the fabric of the sheet itself is fragile. If so, you might have limited success with anything that involves sewing into the fabric, because wherever you put the stitches is likely to tear shortly.

      I had a lovely embroidered linen pillow sham of my mother’s that I just couldn’t repair because there was no structure to support darning. On the other hand, I’m not an expert so I might have been doing it wrong.

      Reply ↓
    4. Texan in Exile*

      WTH is up with sheets recently? I have sheets that I have had for 30 years that are still just fine but the sheets I bought five years ago developed wear and holes by my feet (which are not gnarly!) in no time.

      I did patch those with a random piece of fabric – it wasn’t going to be visible to me – and it was not at all uncomfortable, probably because it was by my feet.

      (Also I would like an explanation for why all my t-shirts now get holes right where my jeans button closed.)

      Reply ↓
      2. RagingADHD*

        The fabric is weaker because of changes in agriculture leading to higher yields and easier harvesting at the expense of shorter fibers, as well as differences in spinning and production.

        What was standard quality 30 years ago is luxury quality (and is less widely available) now.

        Reply ↓
        1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          And jeans buttons generally have raised lettering that rubs against the fabric – that is also the first place my t-shirts get tiny holes worn in them.

          Reply ↓
    5. RagingADHD*

      If you’re going to patch, you need a strong area to sew into, or it will just tear out and make the hole bigger.

      You may also need to look at your laundry machines. Multiple small holes can mean there’s something in the drum catching the fabric. We once had a washer that started “eating” holes in the laundry because a belt or something had gone bad and the drum wasn’t sitting correctly, which caused the clothes to get pinched in the gap and then pulled loose.

      Reply ↓
  47. Socks Socks Socks*

    I’d like to try knitting socks. If you knit socks, do you prefer using multiple needles, circular needles, or something else?

    I’m still a beginner knitter (knit, purl, cast on), but I want to try to make socks, and learn the skills in process.

    Reply ↓
    1. HannahS*

      I greatly prefer circular needles. I always wind up dropping stitches with double-pointed-needels, though I use then when the pattern insists.

      I started with toe-up socks (Wendy Johnson has great patterns) because at the time there was a knitting cultural wave of “all-in-one-pieces are superior, seaming and grafting are Too Hard.” I do still like toe-up socks, because the hardest parts come first (the toes and heels,) then it’s just soothing repetition and then ribbing. But I’m pretty sure that top-down socks are more common and give you more options.

      Most important, I think, is making sure your pattern is meant for beginners and has good tutorials.

      Lastly, get the softest, most durable sock yarn you can afford. Socks take a lot of time to knit, but they also last for a long time, in my experience. No good making yourself itchy socks! Hope you have fun :)

      Reply ↓
      1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        Toe up socks can be easier to fit, and also better if you have limited yarn and aren’t sure how much you need – you can split your yarn in half using a basic kitchen scale, and then you knit each half into a sock and your cuff ends when you run out of yarn. :)

        Reply ↓
      2. Socks Socks Socks*

        Hi Hannah! When you get circular needles, what size do you typically get? Like how long should the string be? I’ve been looking at yarn that’s a mix of wool and nylon that’s labelled “sock yarn”, but I’m open to suggestions!

        Reply ↓
        1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          Merino/nylon is the most common pick for sock yarn, usually somewhere around 80/20 split. The merino is soft, and the nylon adds sturdiness. (Also preferably superwash – socks that require handwashing are no fun – but again that’s most common.) You do have to be careful though – the softer you get, the less sturdy it’s likely to be. You can get lots of yarn in the right weight that’s all wool (or even softer, alpaca or cashmere), but without the nylon added to the blend it will wear through fairly quickly.

          Reply ↓
        2. Jill Swinburne*

          With a circular needle, you’ll be using a technique known as ‘magic loop’ – which isn’t as hard as it sounds, basically you’re using a (much) longer cable than you need and pulling the excess through approximately half your stitches, so it makes a sort of figure 8 and you can knit round a circle. For something as small as socks you’ll want a cable no less than about 24″, but I’d start with something like 32″ (which can be a bit of a pain but there’s nothing worse than tight cables).

          HiyaHiya, and other brands, make sets of interchangeable needles that come with about eight different needle sizes and four different cables (which you can connect if you want something reeeaaallly long!), which I highly recommend as a worthwhile investment. Then you can very easily change your needle sizes and cables.

          Most sock yarns are wool/nylon blends because the nylon gives it strength and a little extra elasticity. Wool can be quite brittle, especially when it’s only 3-ply. Definitely get something that feels nice to you – you’ll be spending a LOT of time handling it even before it gets anywhere near you feeties! I’d recommend not getting a dark colour, make sure you’ll actually be able to see your stitches.

          Reply ↓
          1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

            I have a set of the interchangeable loop needles made by Knitters Pride I got several years ago (pre-2020) that has been disappointing to use. They don’t stay screwed on even when I use the tiny key that’s supposed to lock them in place. As they work loose the yarn gets caught so I have to stop and check every row and tighten them. Then more recently the cable attachment into the needle base broke on one of them. Suddenly stitches were dropping into my lap, and there goes the longest cable for the set. I got them for the very nice wooden needles, color-coded so the sizes are easy to tell apart, and I wish they worked better. I may have to read some reviews and get a replacement set.

            Reply ↓
    2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Socks are not as hard as people think :) they’re a tube with a jog in it! I personally prefer DPNs, but you will find that most sock knitters are ride or die for one of the options. You can also find … I think one brand is called flexi-flips, which are sort of a cross between DPNs and two circulars? DPN length but flexible in the middle. I have a set but haven’t tried them yet. I would not try to knit socks on a single tiny circular – even if you found one small enough (unlikely) it would kill your hands. If you find that two circs is your way to go, you can also knit two socks at a time as you level up. :)

      Suggestions:
      I am particularly fond of the heel in the Fish Lips Kiss pattern, which can be done either top down or toe up. It also has a really good technique for sizing and structuring socks to fit any feet, which can be useful starting out. Pattern can be purchased on Ravelry for like, a buck or two.
      If you don’t have the feet available but know the size, I have a ruler tool from Twice Sheared Sheep (dot com) that helps to measure a sock foot in progress from either toe or heel based on the shoe size.

      Reply ↓
        1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          Ack! Sorry, yes :) they come in sets of five, metal, wood or bamboo, and I would recommend the non-metal ones. Not only are they less slippery, but if you leave them on the sofa and sit on one at a bad angle it will break instead of giving you a puncture wound. (I am also a former ED medical coder. :-P ) generally you have four with stitches on them and the fifth is your working needle, but at various points (pun not intended) you may have few enough stitches to not have all five going at the same time. (They are also handy to have around for fixing oopses in your regular knitting or for cables, which are one of the best things to knit.)

          Reply ↓
      2. Spacewoman Spiff*

        I’m on team double points too. I’ve tried the magic loop method with a circular and just hated it…I’m sure I could have worked it out, but I was already so comfortable with DPNs that I didn’t feel like putting any effort into learning a new method.

        I really like the Addi double points (they’re colorful, and one end is pointier than the other, so you can flip them to the blunter or pointier end depending on what you’re knitting).

        Reply ↓
    4. Can't Sit Still*

      Enjoy knitting socks! There’s something so satisfying about turning a heel!

      I prefer two circular needles for tubular objects like socks and sweater sleeves, but being able to use DPNs is a useful knitting skill. They are particularly useful for starting hats and circular shawls.

      Tin Can Knits has a free learn-to-knit set of patterns, The Simple Collection, which includes the Rye sock pattern. Their patterns are well-written and easy to follow. I definitely recommend them for a beginner (or an experienced knitter who wants to knit something simple but beautiful.)

      Reply ↓
      1. dreamofwinter*

        Seconding the Tin Can Knits recommendation. Their patterns overall are beautifully written and super for beginners. If you’re sweater-adventurous, their Flax sweater is a great place to begin.

        Reply ↓
    5. HamlindigoBlue*

      I prefer 9 inch circular needles for socks and switch to DPNs as needed. My second preference is magic loop on at least a 24 inch circular needle (32 is best).

      Crazysocklady on YouTube has a free vanilla sock pattern on Ravelry that’s great for beginners, and she has tutorials for each method (toe up, cuff down) and needle choice (DPNs, magic loop, short circulars, etc.).

      Reply ↓
    6. Nana Kathie*

      Not mentioned…but buying a ‘self-patterning’ yarn makes for an interesting and easy multi-colored sock.

      Also, you MUST knit a swatch (usually a 3 x 3 square) to be sure you’re knitting true to size. I knit very loosely and must use (a circular) needle 2 sizes smaller than indicated on the pattern.

      Reply ↓
  48. Pearl Puffin*

    Socks are a great project! You learn new techniques and have a more portable project! Very Pink Knits has nice tutorials on you tube. I like doing toe up socks. I started with magic loop on circular needles. I have moved on to 9 inch circulars for most of the sock and switch to longer ones for the heel and the bind off.

    Reply ↓
      1. Socks Socks Socks*

        *it looks like they have an $8 tutorial on their website, which comes with a pattern, so I may do that.

        Reply ↓
  49. Leaving Online Reviews*

    I had a terrible experience with a service provider that left me in serious debt, my issue unsolved, and a shaming by the service provider. For the first time in my 40 years, I left a negative review on Google. It was fair but super critical. They reached out to me to implore me to take it down. I said I would not. They pursued this for 2 weeks with various levels of executive reaching out to ask me (tell me) to take it down. Then they offered $1000 to take it down. What are the legal ramifications (please, not the ethical) of my taking the $1000, leaving the review up, and also reporting that they tried to pay me off?

    Reply ↓
    1. Generic Name*

      I don’t have any advice on this legal situation, but you might consider reaching out to your local news station. There might be others this contractor screwed over as well. Them offering to pay to remove the bad review is sus as hell.

      Reply ↓
      1. Leaving Online Reviews*

        Oh that’s a good idea. Thank you. I can’t believe they’d offer me $1000 to take it down but not $1000 in a refund.

        Reply ↓
    2. Ginger Cat Lady*

      Reporting to…..who?
      If it’s not legal/against terms to offer the payment, it’s probably ALSO not legal/against terms to accept it. You can report the offer without taking the money.
      They may present you with a contract/agreement and taking the money and not doing what you agreed to might get you sued.
      I get that you just want to screw them over but you probably don’t want to stoop that low.

      Reply ↓
      1. Leaving Online Reviews*

        It is absolutely not about screwing them over (and this is exactly what I meant when I asked for no comments on ethical ramifications) but rather about warning others. It is simply a way for me to recoup some lost cost while also letting others know what they’re up against. Also, it is against the rules on Google to pay someone off to remove an unfavorable review. So what I meant by “reporting” was simply to re-comment that they paid me to remove a review. I assume this money would be contingent on my removing the review but what if I just re-post it with the new info?

        Reply ↓
        1. Ginger Cat Lady*

          That’s a question for a lawyer. And you clearly *DO* want to screw them over, the “warning others’ is just the method. I didn’t touch the awful ethical issues raised here.
          I’ll just say you really do not come off looking like a good person by asking this question. You come off as someone hell bent to screw them over.
          If you want to recoup your costs, sue them. Or file against their bond if they are a bonded profession.
          Or refuse the money and let the review stand if it really is just about “warning others”.
          My advice to not stoop to their level stands.

          Reply ↓
          1. Leaving Online Reviews*

            Hi Ginger. Please, if you’re unable to comment without passing judgement, just let it go without comment.

            Reply ↓
    3. A*

      I think it’s going to be difficult for anybody to provide legal ramifications of this plan without knowing the state where you reside or your local rules.

      Reply ↓
    5. CityMouse*

      I am not your lawyer, this is not legal advice.

      Very generally speaking, a verbal contract is still a contract (there are exceptions to when a contract must be written). So in general taking money with a promise to do something and then not doing something breaches the contract and you can be sued. This is in no way to say your specific situation will be this way, I am not providing legal advice and do not have sufficient informational to determine that any way. Just saying that in an abstract general way if you take money from someone to do something, that does actually mean you have a contract.

      Reply ↓
    6. WS*

      If the service provider gave you a full refund, I would consider that a reasonable fix and take the review down. If they leave you in debt, why help them out?

      Reply ↓

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