can I poach an employee from my mentor?

by Alison Green on April 7, 2025

A reader writes:

I am going to be leaving my company soon and starting my own business, and will need to hire support staff. One of the employees at my current company (Taylor) has told me she is looking for a new job. I find Taylor to be an excellent employee and I would be happy to have her working for me. I believe that she enjoys working with me as well.

The catch is that Taylor primarily works with Leslie, one of my colleagues here, and has done so for several years. Leslie has been a mentor to me since I started working in this city. She is well liked and well connected in our field, while I’m pretty new to it.

I do not plan on asking Taylor to come work for me. However, this would not prevent her from submitting a resume if I post a job ad, particularly if she knows that I will be hiring.

I am worried that if Taylor left her job to come work for me, Leslie would see this as employee poaching and would perceive this as betrayal of a mentor, even if I didn’t actively solicit Taylor to work for me. It would impact Leslie’s work because she would need to hire a new support staffer and train them to her specifications, which takes time and effort.

Primarily I want to preserve my good relationship with Leslie, but I also don’t want to become known in my relatively small professional circle as the one who left Leslie in the lurch by poaching her support staff.

I also recognize that Taylor is not an indentured servant to Leslie and does have the choice of leaving whenever she wants. If she were to submit a resume, I’m not sure that “you work for Leslie so I can’t hire you” is a good enough reason to strike her off of my list, particularly when she has worked for me before and we have a good relationship.

What are your thoughts? Could I hire Taylor if she submitted a resume to work for me, or is the risk of torpedoing a good personal relationship and a professional reputation too high?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

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{ 32 comments }

{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. duinath*

    yeah, there’s something to be said for protecting your relationships but not letting that stop you from hiring people you want to hire.

    to be clear, i don’t agree with (…or like) people who get noticeably upset when their employees find new jobs, but you do still in many lines of work have to take it into account. :/

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  2. Benihana scene stealer*

    Definitely something to take into account, but also don’t put the cart before the horse. At this point all you know is that Taylor is looking for a job. Is your business in conflict with the current one, or something completely different? Will Taylor even want to come work for a brand new business where there could be alot of uncertainty?

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    1. Baldrick*

      It doesn’t much matter if the business is the same type or completely different. In this case the worry is with taking an excellent employee away from Leslie. I agree that LW shouldn’t assume now that it’s going to be a problem, but it’s also reasonable to ask AAM now (because Alison plans in advance and it can take weeks to have one’s letter posted here) and think about it a bit.

      I’m generally not a fan of reaching out to previous employers, but in this case if LW does hire Taylor then they might reach out to Leslie, explain that Taylor applied on their own without any special treatment, and if there is anything that would help with the transition. Still, it really depends on how close LW is to Leslie and if they haven’t spoken in a while then I wouldn’t suggest this at all. It’s really only a possibility if LW and Leslie chat regularly (at least every few months).

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      1. Benihana scene stealer*

        “It doesn’t much matter if the business is the same type or completely different.”

        It could definitely be a factor if Taylor wants to stay in here current industry and LW’s business isn’t that, or vice-versa

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      2. Susannah*

        How is it Leslie’s business?
        Leslie does not own Taylor. Taylor is an adult and can decide for herself whether to stay or leave at a job.
        Why is it I feel like these are managers who thought (or still think) you can “steal” someone’s boyfriend. Like they have no agency of their own.

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    2. Mobie's Mom*

      Additionally, there may be a stronger candidate than Taylor, once you get that far. Who knows?!!

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    3. Miette*

      This is what I was thinking–is this really an issue? Can OP offer the same pay and benefits for Taylor?

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  3. toolegittoresign*

    I’ve been in this situation and the person who referred me to the job had a conversation with me on how I was going to break the news to my current boss. We agreed it was best to be honest — I approached the referrer because I was feeling like it was time to move on and they just so happened to have an open position that was a perfect fit. Explaining it this way helped make it clear that the referrer hadn’t poached me. I normally wouldn’t go into that kind of detail, but this spared any hurt feelings. It helped that my boss knew I was sort of “stuck” in that company and leaving was the only way to get upward mobility.

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    1. Venus*

      LW mentions that Taylor has been there for several years, and I think that helps. In my field it’s typical for people to move every 3-4 years, so it wouldn’t be a surprise for Taylor to look elsewhere at this point. If it had only been 18 months then I would expect Leslie to be grumpier about the move.

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    1. PegS*

      Thanks for posting the update. From an employees POV though, if Taylor is looking to leave, she’s going to find a way to leave. I understand that it would look like poaching to a manager who wants to keep an employee, but then the question becomes: why did you do (or not do) to keep the employee satisfied where she was?

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      1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        Reading the update, was Taylor leaving because she was shifted from Leslie’s management anyway? She could have still be concerned about leaving because Leslie may have been working (using capital) to bring her back. And it’s not like Leslie would get a refund if the company re-reassigned Taylor and Taylor left.

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  6. epicdemiologist*

    Not pertinent to OP, since the update makes clear this situation is in the past, but–in a similar situation, if the decision were made to hire “Taylor”, are there things the new boss could do to make the transition smoother for the old boss? (Later start date to allow longer notice, etc.)?

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    1. I should really pick a name*

      A later start date could be suggested to Taylor, but if it’s more than a suggestion, that feels like an overstep.

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    2. Statler von Waldorf*

      I hate to go full Goldbloom here, but the question shouldn’t be if there are things you could do. The question is whether you should.

      I was leaving a job at a truck shop around 15 years ago. It was an impossible job, I would have needed five to me to get everything done in the time I had available, but the old owner was cheap and didn’t want to pay for the help that was required. I was obviously looking for a new job, found one, and interviewed for it. Interview went well, the new boss was a bit flakey, but the work was interesting and the pay was good. I knew the new boss was friends with the old boss, but I wasn’t expecting what happened.

      I showed up on my first day, only to find out that my new boss had talked with my old boss, and I was now going to be doing my new job in the mornings in addition to my old job in the afternoons. I talked to my new boss, and it quickly became clear that he valued his connection to my old boss far more than he valued me as his new employee.

      My new boss was actually shocked when I quit on the spot. My old boss took it so poorly that I had to get lawyers involved. This is why I consider a new boss making things easier for an old boss to be the biggest of red flags, and not something you should do.

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      1. Camellia*

        I…have no words for this. I would never have envisioned that something like this could even happen without the employee’s consent. I hope the lawyers did a good job for you and got you what you needed/wanted!

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      2. Yeah...*

        Thank you for sharing what it can look like when a boss values their relationship with another boss more than getting a new (great?) employee.

        I am sorry this happened to you.

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      3. Susannah*

        That is… terrifying on so many level.
        How do they get the idea that you were this thing they could trade or use like a jalopy?

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  7. AnonAnon*

    It’s tricky. When I left my old job I had to sign a no-poaching agreement that was good for one year. After 1 year, I could poach.
    However, I was in-fact poached from the company I went to from an employee at old job :)
    Ironically, they were not given the same non-poach agreement. I think it had to do with some rule that they were grandfathered into, but I was not.

    But like you said, there is nothing stopping her from seeing your job posting and applying!

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    1. Just Thinkin' Here*

      Typically non-poaching agreements come with some benefit – like payout of stock benefits, severance etc. (I hope you got something good!). I don’t think the LW mentioned getting any benefits from leaving….

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    2. RedinSC*

      I worked for a company that gave people the “no poaching” thing. The way around that for them was a consultant (that worked in both companies) would drop a note off on the to be poached employee’s desk.

      I got a note, and jumped ship.

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  8. Suz*

    Something similar happened to me years ago but I was Taylor in this scenario. I was dissatisfied working at company A and had been actively job hunting. When I interviewed at company B, I didn’t know my potential new boss knew my current boss. Even though I told her my current employer didn’t know I was job hunting, she contacted him about me. He told her he didn’t want to lose me so I didn’t get an offer. To make matters worse, my boss was the one who told me company B wasn’t going to offer me the job and why. I was furious and left for company C 2 months later.

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  9. Wellie*

    Poaching is not a thing. Managers are not royalty, and employees are not deer. Everybody is an autonomous adult who decides for themselves whether a job change is advantageous for them. Try viewing things this way.

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    1. Bumblebee Mask*

      AND a good manager should be able to realize the limits of what they have to offer in terms of salary, growth opportunity etc and recognize that sometimes good employees leave. I have one employee that I have this discussion with regularly. She knows I value her and will do everything I can to keep her, but if someone were to offer her what I can’t, I’d be supportive of her going and doing that.

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  10. Just Thinkin' Here*

    Taylor should be able to do what’s right for her career. Why are you and Leslie making the decision for her?

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    1. Nathan*

      OP also needs to do what’s right for her career. If Leslie is well-connected and influential and could make life miserable for OP (who, let’s remember, is just starting her own business and is in a particularly vulnerable position), it’s hard for me to blame OP if she knows that Leslie would consider this bridge burned and would poison the well for OP’s fledgling business.

      I mean, would that suck for Taylor? Absolutely. I’d hope that they could find a way around it somehow. But to answer your question: OP isn’t making a decision for Taylor, but for herself.

      (Also, this question did receive an update and it has a happy ending all around, except that it does seem like Leslie could have made things miserable for OP if it had played out differently).

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      1. Susannah*

        Yikes! Doing what’s “right for her career” means…. moving actual breathing human beings around like chess pieces?
        No one owns Taylor but Taylor. If she wants to leave her current job, I hope she does. And if she finds out that potential new boss is going to get permission from Leslie first… then I hope Taylor steers clear of both of them.

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  11. Raida*

    Catch up with Leslie for a coffee and discuss hiring do’s and don’t’s with her. Mentor – Mentee, easy, normal thing to do.

    In that chat, say that as you haven’t hired anyone before you *want* to lean on more experienced people… But you also *will not* poke around in an applicant’s current job until it’s reference time and even then it’ll have to be their listed references first – because *of course* *we all know* that telling your boss you are even looking can be disasterous for bonuses, project work, getting frozen out, health care, etc etc etc.

    Then, IF Taylor applies, and IF Leslie is a reference, you ask for a coffee catch up, your shout, and ask for strengths and weaknesses of Taylor, what her career goals are, etc.

    It will not look like poaching, because you are sticking to a bog standard hiring process. If you think Leslie is actually going to be an irrational and vindictive person about it, then I’d suggest finding a new mentor and catching up with Taylor to see if she gets the same read – people who are well-liked can still be arseholes.

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  12. Susannah*

    What is this idea of “poaching” an employee? Did we reinstate slavery?
    Employees are not property. There is a mutual agreement where one person takes on work in exchange for money the other one pays, with payer benefiting from the work done by payee.
    How paternalistic. I wouldn’t want to work for anyone who used the term “poach” to apply to a human.

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