my boss says my salary research is wrong because our benefits are so great, calling out sick for flight anxiety, and more

by Alison Green on April 23, 2025

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss says my salary research is wrong because our benefits are so great

I recently received a promotion with a significant increase in job responsibilities and found myself negotiating salary for the first time in my career. My state requires salary ranges to be posted with job descriptions, so I have a good idea what other companies in our industry are offering for my role and my years of experience, and I asked for a similar amount, about 10% higher than what I was offered. My manager wanted to know how I came up with the new number, so I pointed out these job postings. She responded that the total compensation I was being offered, including benefits, was already equivalent to the amount I was asking for, so there was no need to increase the offered salary amount.

I understand where she’s coming from; we have very generous benefits, including regular bonuses and multiple reimbursement programs for a variety of qualified expenses, and total compensation is a way to quantify those extra dollars. But in my mind, these benefits are not the same as guaranteed pay. Bonuses are dependent on the company’s profits, and I won’t receive the reimbursement funds unless I incur the relevant expenses. Not to mention that the market rates I’m researching are base salary and I don’t have any way of knowing what the dollar value of another company’s benefits would be for a more equivalent comparison.

Is this normal to consider total compensation when negotiating a salary? Am I too focused on the base salary number? I generally consider benefits as more of a happiness boost than a monetary boost (and this is the first time I’ve had benefits that result in me receiving cash payouts), so maybe I need to adjust my mindset. But I feel like my manager is using the company’s benefits package to justify giving me a salary that is below market rate. I’m wondering how I can approach this better at my next salary review.

Ha, no, the value of your benefits package isn’t supposed to be used like that. Your boss is comparing salary plus benefits at your current company to salary alone at another; it’s apples and oranges (or cash and scones?). For all we know, the other companies’ benefits packages could be the same or better than your company’s is! It sure is convenient for her to use that to swat away the comparisons, but it’s not at all accurate to do that.

Bonuses could be an exception to that if your bonuses are extremely reliable (although still not ideal for the reasons you point out), but “we reimburse a lot of expenses that you may or may not incur”? No.

The next time this comes up, you could say, “I appreciate our benefits, but ultimately salary is the most important piece of compensation for me, and that’s what I’m focused on.” You could add, “I can’t include the value of our benefits package without comparing it to the value of theirs.” (And really, she’s practically begging you to go out and learn more about what the competition is offering.)

Related:
can I include the value of my benefits when I talk about my current salary?

2. Can you call out sick for flight anxiety?

This is a hypothetical, but it almost happened. I just had a weekend social obligation in another city that required two flights each way. (These were domestic flights within the U.S.; my local airport doesn’t have direct connections to the destination city.)

At the gate for the first flight back home, I was feeling very anxious about the flight and almost bailed to rent a car and drive back. If I had done this, I would’ve had to miss one day of work.

Ironically, that flight ended up being super smooth. But if I had gone with my idea, would I have legitimately been able to call out with a sick day, on the grounds that flight anxiety is anxiety and therefore a mental illness?

In theory, in a perfect world where everyone understands anxiety and there’s no stigma around mental health? Sure. It should qualify.

In this world, though, the wiser move in a lot of organizations would have been to just say your travel arrangements got messed up, you were having to rent a car to get back, and you’d need to use an additional day of vacation to do it.

3. My boss won’t let me send client reports until he reads them, but he never reads them

My boss is generally fantastic and supports my professional growth and allows me flexibility in working hours and leeway to manage my clients as best I see fit. However, he has one frustrating area of micromanagement that is causing me workflow issues and I don’t know how to move forward.

Our organization’s clients receive quarterly reports on the performance of their products, which I spend about a day each quarter compiling. My boss insists on seeing the reports before I send them to clients. This is despite me never having an error that needs correcting in the five years I’ve worked here.

The issue is that he is swamped and it takes him forever to get round to checking and approving the reports. Currently, he hasn’t yet looked at my 2024 Q4 reports, and the Q1 reports for 2025 are now also waiting for him to check. When I finish a report, I email him with a link to where it’s saved. I remind him about checking the reports at least twice a week in our standing meetings, and he says he’ll do it that day but gets distracted by more urgent priorities and the client reports get pushed to the bottom of the pile. My clients have been asking for the 2024 Q4 reports for a couple months now and I have been giving them vague promises of “soon.”

Telling clients that the reports are ready but I’m not allowed to send them until I get my manager’s approval makes me sound incompetent. However, being months late sending the reports also seems unprofessional. Every time I finish the quarterly reports, I ask if I can send them to clients, and every time he says “I want to do a quick read-through” and then sits on the reports for months. Do you have any advice on how I could do things differently to get a quicker response? Going to his boss feels like a nuclear option as they’re very senior. I don’t want to stop doing the reports as the clients like them and I find it a useful exercise to see how the products are performing. I just want to send them out reasonably soon after the quarter ends!

Have you laid out for your boss that clients keep asking for the reports and you’re concerned it looks bad to keep delaying and then never send them? If not, do that! And then say, “Since I’ve never had an error in the reports in the five years you’ve been looking them over, could our system be that you’ll have a week to look them over, but then I’ll send them at that point if I haven’t heard back from you? I could give you a heads-up the day before. Otherwise they’re not getting to clients in enough time for them to be useful, and I worry we’re making ourselves look bad by delaying them when people keep asking for them.”

If he doesn’t like that, could you pull the latest report out in your standing meeting and ask him to go over it with you right then and there so you can put it to bed?

4. I flamed out at my last job, but there were mitigating circumstances — can I apply again?

I worked for two years at one of the largest and best employers in my field. During my first year, I did well: received good feedback from managers, got good reviews, had my contract renewed for a second year. During my second year, things took a turn: I struggled, got assigned a new manager in case that would help, was put on a PIP, and ultimately let go.

The thing is, there were mitigating circumstances. Starting right at the year mark, I had a series of crises: three pregnancy losses, a surgery, and then a flare-up of a chronic condition so severe that I had to take leave to get treatment. Needless to say, this drastically impacted my work performance, and though my bosses knew what was going on and gave me some grace, I wasn’t able to do enough to mitigate the damage, and they let me go.

The good news is, I did get treatment — and what’s more, got an actual diagnosis (which I’d never had before) and got medicated, also for the first time. The difference is night and day. I didn’t realize how much my chronic condition had been impacting my work performance until suddenly it wasn’t any more. In my new job, I’m excelling again, and it feels easy in a way it never has before.

I’d like to apply for a role with this org again. I know from reading your site that the phrasing “had some health challenges that have since been dealt with” can go a long way towards explaining resume gaps. But as I understand it, that’s usually done in interviews. Is there a similar way to professionally bring up this situation in my cover letter as a way of basically saying, “Yes, I know my records show I was let go, but the situation was very circumstantial and truly won’t happen again”? Having been a hiring manager, I understand not wanting to take a risk on a candidate with a poor internal record, but as an applicant, I’d love to be considered for the role given that I’m now in a very different life situation and the difficult circumstances are unlikely to happen again.

It’s pretty hard to apply at an organization that fired you for poor performance (despite the mitigating circumstances!) so I wouldn’t rely on a cold application and an explanation in your cover letter. Instead, can you get in touch with your last manager there and share the situation? You don’t need to get into private health details but a general description of what happened, that it’s now resolved, and how well you’ve been doing since might go a long way. You can then say you’d love to come back but understand the previous situation might be an obstacle to that, and do they have any advice on whether, given the circumstances, there might be a way to be considered again? They might or might not be able to help, but that’s going to give you a better shot than just applying cold will do (and that manager will definitely be asked about you at some point if you did get considered, so you might as well talk with them and get them briefed ahead of time anyway). Good luck!

5. Employer wants to photocopy my Social Security card

As part of a starting a recent job, I went through the usual onboarding processes. I’m aware the purpose of the I-9 form is to verify eligibility to work in the United States. My understanding is, and always has been, that presenting these ID’s is sufficient to meet the requirements of the I-9.

Recently, I was asked to provide a photocopy of my Social Security card. The HR person was vague when questioned, only saying, “For company security reasons.” They apparently keep a filing cabinet with these. This is questionable to me and possibly a security risk. Is it legal for a company to request and keep photocopies of sensitive documents such as these?

Yes, it’s legal and not uncommon. Many employers keep copies so that if they’re ever audited, they can show that they did in fact check your documents and record the information correctly. The government’s guidance to employers on this says, “You may make copies (or electronic images) of the documentation you reviewed, but must return original documentation to the employee. If you make copies, they should be made consistently for all new hires and reverified employees, regardless of national origin, citizenship, or immigration status, or you may violate anti-discrimination laws.” They’re also required to keep the copies as secure as the I-9 itself.

For what it’s worth, a photocopy of your Social Security card doesn’t really make you more vulnerable to identity theft than the I-9 itself does, since an identity thief only needs your card number, not an image of the actual card (and that number gets recorded on the I-9).

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{ 30 comments }

{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Cmdrshprd*

    OP1 Alison is right that your boss is not doing a fair comparison, in your situation. But your boss is right to the extent when reviewing a new job offer, or two competing offers you want to compare the overall total compensation and/or take home pay.

    Sometimes Job A might pay $5k to $10k more but depending on the benefits, you may end up with a lower total compensation and/or take home pay that is less than Job B with a lower salary but significantly better benefits like significantly cheaper insurance, and/or higher retirement contributions. I’d say retirement contributions is something that people often overlook. Sometimes a lower salary of $50k with a 10% ($5000) employer contribution can be better overall compensation than say $52k with a 3% ($1,560) contribution.

    I left a job that had 100% employer paid medical/vision/dental. We now pay about $14k a year for that. So when I moved I needed at least a $20k raise to make it worth it, the first $14k was eaten by increased insurance costs leaving $6k actual raise.

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    1. JC*

      This is a great explanation! Just want to add it can be helpful too to think of how long you might stay and what phase of life you’re in as far as benefits.

      For example, you may be young and healthy and not generally use a lot of the health benefits. Or you may be thinking of having a child and want to make sure you have great healthcare and good leave policies, etc

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  2. Cmdrshprd*

    OP 4, you can try to apply, but I would very much do so with out any real hope/expectation of actually getting interviewed/hired. Aka a hail mary play.

    I say that as someone that will often ask questions when I know the answer is 99.9999999% no, on the off chance I get a yes. I’ve gotten very comfortable hearing now and moving on, but it wasn’t always easy not getting my hopes up.

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    1. Artemesia*

      I cannot imagine rehiring someone who was fired for performance since it is so difficult most places to fire people in the first place. Energy is better expended focusing on seeking work elsewhere.

      Reply ↓
  3. Martin Blackwood*

    Different country, but Canada doesnt even give out a card with your Social Insurance Number any more. I have a card with my deadname on it somewhere and a sheet of paper that has both my current name and the number from when i updated it. I dont see how its a bigger security risk than your tax documents.

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  4. Reality.Bites*

    When I was 20 or 21 my dog chewed up my Social Insurance card (Canada), and didn’t get around to getting it replaced.

    In the over 40 years since, I’ve never had to show it to anyone. They stopped issuing that cards entirely (but not the numbers) in 2014.

    Like the US SSN, it’s nine digits, but we do write and say it as 123 123 123, not the 123 12 1234 as in the US

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  5. yvve*

    If you felt the sick day was worth pressing for, I’d go with “was sick and couldnt fly/missed flight”. But would not specify exact details of sickness

    (still might get some scrutiny, tho, just because its a sick day at the end of personal travel. )

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    1. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      I’d worry about using social capital at your job for a suspicious sick day like this because you probably don’t want your manager to start noticing your sick days more e.g. if you choose to use them for short notice interviews.
      Also, think why you could manage your flight there but the return flight was a problem. Worries about returning to work or home?

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      1. EventPlannerGal*

        “Also, think why you could manage your flight there but the return flight was a problem. Worries about returning to work or home?”

        Maybe, but honestly with flight anxiety it doesn’t have to be that deep. Mine gets worse on return journeys because I tend to be more physically tired and stressed. Could be that the earlier flight stressed them out, maybe something happened in the airport (I had a total meltdown on the shortest, smoothest flight of my life because I was so stressed from getting through the airport!) , maybe they’d heard that the weather was going to be bad but it was actually fine, could be a whole bunch of things. I really feel for the LW, it’s such an unpredictable thing and can make travel miserable!

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  6. Charlie*

    I remember being raised with the maxim that I was NEVER to give out my SSN (lots of forms ask for it but you can bypass sometimes) and then having to adjust when I started working and had to start actually agreeing to give it out, because I was so used to default refusing!

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  7. Daria grace*

    #1 reimbursement of business related expenses is no more an perk that should be considered part of compensation than that they provide access to a photocopier in the office. Arguably even less so as you are doing them a favour by allowing them to avoid making up front payments or issue company credit cards

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    1. "It was hell," recalls former child.*

      Yeah, I was wondering how on earth the company imagined that reimbursing you for expenses you fronted it was somehow a “benefit.” Ah, the gaslighting.

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    2. Allonge*

      I really don’t think it’s about reimbursement of business expensese – it could be tuition, kids schools, qualification exams, or parking / public transportation to get to work which is otherwise your responsibility.

      Reply ↓
  8. Thepuppiesareok*

    OP5 every job I’ve had makes a photocopy of my social security card and driver’s license. This is very normal where I live. I wouldn’t refuse, although I think asking how the information will be safeguarded is fine. Sometimes when I’ve asked (or even been proctively told) I’m told that after HR confirms my information the copies will be shredded.

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    1. londonedit*

      Yeah, it’s normal here to bring in your passport (or other form of official ID) on your first day of work, and HR take a photocopy of it which your line manager verifies to say it’s you. It’s about having the right to work in the UK – you either need to be a British citizen or to have a valid working visa, so you need to show a form of ID that verifies either of those things when you start a new job.

      We don’t have social security cards – we each have a National Insurance number which is used to track your tax/NI payments, but from what I’ve read here it doesn’t seem to be as big a deal as in the US (like, I think you’d struggle to steal someone’s identity if all you had was their NI number. It’s only really ever used for work/tax purposes).

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      1. Marion Ravenwood*

        I’d also add that a lot of organisations here in the UK will ask to see your passport or other ID even before your first day, but after you’ve accepted a job offer. For my current and previous jobs, I had to go to the office and meet with my manager/the HR team just to show them my passport and get them to make a copy of it before I could start. Both of those were public sector roles though, so I’m not sure if other sectors work differently (I worked for charities/not-for-profits before that and I honestly can’t remember at what point in the recruitment process they needed to see my passport).

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        1. londonedit*

          Ah, interesting – it’s always just been a case of ‘bring it with you on your first day’ in my experience, but it could well be a public/private sector difference.

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        2. bamcheeks*

          AIUI, you’re taking a risk if you put people on the payroll before you’ve checked their passport, and most large organisations will have your start date, bank details etc already set up before your first day. If you get all that set up and then someone forgets it on their first day or it turns out they don’t have the right to work in the UK, and they started work or their first paycheck went through, you could be fined. So it’s safer to do it in advance. Smaller organisations are more likely to process all the paperwork on or after your first day.

          Also just going to note that none of this was the case before 2010– it’s not a “this has been true forever” thing, it’s specifically the late 2000s/2010s anti-migrant policies. I onboarded lots of people without their passports before that!

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  9. "It was hell," recalls former child.*

    OP1, your story reminds me of my first corporate job after college. Although I was not an HR person, my job as an editor fell under that department. About 6 years into my job, the HR department got a series of salary books for all industries in the US. (This was 1993–1994, so no internet.) Out of curiosity, I looked up the typical salary for my job, based on experience, years of work, skill level, etc. and discovered that I, with over 10 years’ experience as a meticulous editor, was getting paid less than someone fresh out of high school with no editing experience. When I presented this information to the HR director (a friend of the CEO with no actual HR experience), he said that those books didn’t apply to companies like ours, but rather to large corporations like GM and IBM.

    Reader, we were no mom ‘n’ pop shop. The company was a century-old international corporation with 6,000 employees.

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  10. Free Meerkats*

    LW #3, how is your relationship with the reps at your clients? I spent a career as an environmental regulator and regularly had the environmental groups of larger companies use us as the push they needed to get things done that they knew needed to be done, but for one reason or another, (beancounters cough, cough) weren’t being done. It wasn’t unusual for them to essentially say, “Let’s look at this.” and talk about how it would be better if X was done, but they couldn’t get the budget. In my inspection report I’d strongly recommend that X be implemented, and if at all possible (like Y was worn out and needed to be replaced by X) require X be done.

    Anyway, chat with the rep you’re most friendly with and have him contact your manager and ask HIM where the report for Q4 is. I bet this roadblock will disappear.

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    1. Artemesia*

      I think this is the only thing that will work and extra points if you can get them to be ‘angry’ at not having received the report.

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    1. Marion Ravenwood*

      I now kind of want to change my username to Cash & Scones, which either sounds like a 60s country rock band or a Regency novel parody involving a bank heist.

      Reply ↓
  13. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

    #1 You can’t pay rent or food with “benefits” and unless bonuses are 100% guaranteed – then why call them bonuses? – they are not part of your salary.

    Your employeer is shamelessly trying to bamboozle you to cover up their below market pay. Job hunt if you can.

    Reply ↓
  14. Thinking*

    May I suggest it’s more like comparing LW’s company’s bag of apples to another company’s apple pie. They are both apples, but there is definitely value added in the pie.

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    1. Emmy Noether*

      More like saying “the other company uses more apples in their pie, but we sprinkle pecans on top!”.
      But, you don’t know the other company’s pie recipe. Maybe they also use pecans. Maybe their pecans are caramelized. Maybe they use hazelnuts. Maybe their crust is more delicious. They almost certainly aren’t serving only the apples with no crust.

      Now I want pie.

      Reply ↓
  15. Purple stapler*

    Letter 5 – objecting to an employer keeping copies of your documents or closely looking at rhem doesn’t look particularly good right now, given the current immigration situation in the US. It could be regarded as suspicious and maybe make someone think you’re not legally able to work in the US.

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  16. What the Knights in White sat in*

    LW#3…

    Currently, he hasn’t yet looked at my 2024 Q4 reports, and the Q1 reports for 2025 are now also waiting for him to check. . . . My clients have been asking for the 2024 Q4 reports for a couple months now and I have been giving them vague promises of “soon.”

    Telling clients that the reports are ready but I’m not allowed to send them until I get my manager’s approval makes me sound incompetent.

    THAT is the real issue. Your manager clearly prioritizes setting you up to seem incompetent over retaining clients. Can you go to HIS boss for direction?

    Reply ↓

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