weekend open thread – April 12-13, 2025

by Alison Green on April 11, 2025

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: Three Days in June, by Anne Tyler. The night before a woman’s daughter is getting married, her ex shows up on her doorstep with no place to stay (and a cat). The story is the day before the wedding, the day of, and the day afterwards, and it’s charming and cozy and ended too soon.

(Amazon, Bookshop)

* I earn a commission if you use those links.

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{ 611 comments }

{ 611 comments… read them below or add one }

          1. Rogue Slime Mold*

            I woke to a snow-dusted landscape that I would have considered lovely and seasonal back on December 1st.

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              1. Elizabeth West*

                It’s raining but there was snow on the cars and the ground (dusting) when I looked out this morning. Blergh.

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      2. Lifelong student*

        I have a new flower on the mini-rose bush I received at Christmas! the directions were to water it every day so I assumed I would quickly kill it off- but it is thriving and now blooming!

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    2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      My elder dog is ok!! Her literal first time in ten years to go counter surfing, and she ate my woofapotamus’s medication dose – on top of her own which she’d already taken, so 3.5 tablets instead of one. I panicked, stuffed her in the car and zoomed toward the vet, but when I called them from the car to tell them I was coming, they said that in this specific case, considering the details, that it was not a medical emergency and while I could bring her in to have them induce vomiting if I wanted, I could also very safely just bring her home and let her sleep it off under supervision. So I did that and she is just fine, snoring up a storm.

      (I also got a new sump pump this morning because the old one gave up the ghost after a week of flood warnings and a FOURTH basement flood was threatening, so my plumber of choice who can always get me taken care of same day is also a joy, even if the bill isn’t.)

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      3. allathian*

        Glad the woofapotamus is okay! And yay for the sump pump. A reliable plumber’s a treasure, as are all reliable tradespeople.

        Our biggest worry is the sewage pump. Not so much for the upstairs, but our house’s built into a hillside, and downstairs sewage has to be pumped *uphill*. Our sauna/shower room, laundry/utility room, and downstairs toilet depend on that pump.

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      4. Bibliovore*

        oh- I came home tired and jetlagged and fed her (yes popped it in her mouth) my medication instead of hers. LDN instead of Gabapentin. (both are small white capsules.) panicked ready to drive to the emergency room to induce vomiting. Phoned a friend- looked it up that LDN is given to dogs in this dosage. Breathed a sigh of relief and she was just fine.

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    3. Valancy Stirling*

      I got my driver’s license! Although I’m in my thirties, I lived my entire adult life in a big city where everything was within a kilometer’s radius. I moved to a town where everything is further apart last year, so I need a car now.

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      4. WoodswomanWrites*

        I got my license at 40, after doing therapy for a phobia about it and going to a professional driving school. I’m celebrating with you from afar!

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      5. Six Feldspar*

        Congratulations! It took me three (3) goes to get my automatic licence and another three (3) to get my manual licence, it can take a while!

        Reply ↓
      7. Elizabeth West*

        I got mine when I was 32, mostly because I didn’t have a car to take the test with. From one later licensee to another, congrats!

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    4. Miss Buttons*

      I’m about to become a grandmother for the second time. They are at the hospital, she’s being induced, we’re hoping that baby will arrive by tomorrow.

      Reply ↓
    6. Peanut Hamper*

      I cleaned out the refrigerator (which is not a huge thing in and of itself) but also wrote up an inventory and put it on the door. The inventory is a huge thing as I have ADHD, and if the cottage cheese gets pushed to the back, it simply doesn’t exist and I am likely to buy more even if I don’t really need it. But if I can peruse the inventory, then I know I have some and don’t need to buy more. I am hoping this will save me time, stress, and money down the road.

      (This is, by the way, how I ran out of cling film one day and then ended up with three rolls of cling film, but that’s a separate story. If you need to borrow some cling film, just stop on by. I have plenty.)

      Reply ↓
      1. But what to call me?*

        I do, in fact, need some cling film! (And of course I forgot to buy it when I was at the store today.)

        Sadly, location is likely to be an unsolvable difficulty.

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      2. Might Be Spam*

        I keep forgetting to NOT buy crackers and pepperoni. When I saw them in the store, I kept getting them and I’m way overstocked. I only needed one package of each for Christmas, and I won’t need them again until next Christmas. There’s still 4 of each left and I still get the urge to purchase more.

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      3. allathian*

        I bought 3 lots of sliced cheese on 3 different days because I was convinced we were running out, and I can’t even blame ADHD.

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      5. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        I used to do that with tinned beans and tomatoes – “I don’t remember what I have but it’s on sale and I’ll use it eventually!” only to get home and find ten cans already.

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        1. Elizabeth West*

          SAME, lol.
          Except for chili beans (the base for when I make chili). I have a hard time finding them so when I see them, I get some.

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      7. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        Not to freak out any of the repliers who overbought, but this describes what I found when I cleaned out my parents’ home after my mom developed vascular dementia and their repurchasing of things they already have. Clearly my mom’s switch marked “buy cling film” got turned on and never turned off. She had So. Much. Including different colors, which honestly makes the food look pretty awful. I used her cling film supply for a full decade, I kid you not.

        She had multiples of many many things. Baby carrots: Fresh bag in front, softening bag in the middle, rotten bag at the back of the same produce drawer. Nail polish remover: I used that supply for years too. Hand lotion.

        So many switches stuck in the on position. My daughters kept me company and helped while I got the house ready for an estate sale. For years afterward if they saw that I had more than two bottles of something they’d say, “Mom, you don’t have what Grandma has, do you?”

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    7. goddessoftransitory*

      Had friends over for dinner and they loved the food! *beams* *husband actually cooked but still*

      We also watched The Blues Brothers, which was even more fun because of the car chase discussion on AAM!

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    8. Knighthope*

      Made it through a dreaded medical procedure and discovered and then treated myself to a “Cannoli Dipper” at the hospital canteen – cannoli cream and cannoli chips!

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      2. Miss Buttons*

        Hurray for you for getting through it! I have a dreaded medical procedure next Wednesday. I’m planning to treat myself afterwards like you did.

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        1. goddessoftransitory*

          When I had a coloscopy last year I promised myself an enormous bacon cheeseburger afterwards. Husband thought I might be too woozy but I was all NO, I WILL BE FINE and man, was it tasty.

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    9. GoryDetails*

      My back/hip pain seems to be better! I hope I never take relatively-pain-free mobility for granted again.

      Reply ↓
      1. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

        Phew! That freezing up when you’re in pain can be so awful. Glad that’s getting better!

        Reply ↓
    10. Might Be Spam*

      I love wearing a tiara, it makes me feels like my Grandma’s puppy after it’s been groomed and struts around so proudly. I feel so fancy.
      My square dance group has more men than women and the guys are great about dancing the women’s part when needed. Unfortunately, with all the switching around, we forget who’s dancing which part and sometimes it messes us up.
      One of the men brought in a box of tiaras to designate the people dancing the women’s part which has helped immensely. Some of the guys just turn their tiaras backwards when they switch back to the man’s part.

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      2. Don’t make me come over there*

        We have a similar issue in my Irish set dancing group, though there are more women than men. We’ve toyed with the idea of clip-on ties :)

        Reply ↓
        1. RagingADHD*

          I keep saying we should bring mustaches to Regency dancing for the same reason.

          The contra dance group has lanyards, but you can’t really see them when everyone is moving.

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    12. Capable Underling*

      I got a new cat last weekend. He decided to speed run the acclimatisation process, has taken over the house, and is currently sleeping on the couch right next to me.

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      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        Tough week at work, and on my way home I decided to stop off for some coffee and flowers from the stand I usually use.

        The barista was packing up, so the coffee machine was switched off, but he gave me a bunch of tulips for free,

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    14. Irish Teacher.*

      A few things:
      A colleague had bowel cancer last year. She had recently been having some concerning symptoms and had to go for tests which were clear. It had sounded concerning so that was a relief.

      Easter holidays for two weeks started yesterday.

      And I am currently heading for Dublin to see Murder on the Orient Express in the Gaiety.

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    16. RussianInTexas*

      Blood tests results for cholesterol and a1c have massively improved since December. It was hard work and paid off.

      Reply ↓
      1. Houndmom*

        We have been hearing owls hooting to each other all week and caught one hanging out in our pine tree. Also saw a possum wiggling away from my rescue hound (who likely was part of of a hunting pack but seems to have zero tolerance for loud noises and hurting other critters).

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    17. RagingADHD*

      Just saw the announcement that Olivia Coleman is going to play Mrs. Bennett in the new Netflix miniseries of Pride & Prejudice. If she’s in it, it’s going to be good, for sure.

      Also Emma Corrin as Lizzie, which I can’t picture but am curious about. I’ve only seen them as young Princess Diana, in which they were so believable and seamless that I can only visualize Diana trying to play Lizzie (which would not work). But that seamlessness shows a level of talent that gives me high expectations.

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    18. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

      Woke up to a bird perched on my fire escape, sheltering from the rain and warming its tail feathers with the heat from my window.

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    19. Zephy*

      My sister-in-law had her baby! She was due last Saturday, and they were going to induce her today if she didn’t get the show started on her own. She was in labor for like 13 hours (starting at 1 AM yesterday), but Baby is now Earthside and as far as I’m aware everyone is doing well.

      Reply ↓
    20. Elizabeth West*

      Two things. One: I can hear birds in the morning! Spring is here, even if it doesn’t look like it yet.

      The other: a cabinet I was eyeing on Wayfair finally went on sale, so I got it. I needed somewhere to put my dolls house stuff where I could actually access it and get the ugly blue storage tubs out of my kitchen (they will be donated). The pieces are all on my living room floor, and by the end of today, I will be filling it with miniatures, bits of wood and fabric, and tools. :)

      I did not remember how much tiny little furniture I had until I started unloading the tubs and sorting, but it’s a lot, lol. It was really fun to go through it, and I found some stuff I forgot about. Only a few legs got broken, all fixable. :)

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    21. Bike Walk Bake Books*

      Blooming rhubarb! I didn’t even know rhubarb COULD bloom. On my lunchtime walk yesterday I picked a different route and explored some side streets not far from my house. One had a beautiful big rhubarb plant with these fleshy stalks of pink buds sticking up.

      I looked it up and it turns out they should pull those flower stalks and plan to divide the plant this fall. It may also signify an heirloom variety. I got free starts of rhubarb about three years ago from Buy Nothing. They’re doing great and I’ll be pulling stalks and putting them in the freezer or making rhubarb crisp pretty soon. Now I know to watch for the flower stalks and can plan ahead to divide them in a couple of years.

      Reply ↓
      1. goddessoftransitory*

        Husband makes a great strawberry-rhubarb crisp! Will start dropping hints now that ’tis the season.

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    22. Dontbeadork*

      On our morning walk today we saw a pair of gray hawks and heard a pyrrhuloxia. Yesterday we had a nice few minutes of watching a cardinal at our feeder. We hear him but don’t normally see him, so it was a delight.

      And just now, the copy of The Ghost and Mrs. Muir that my husband ordered for me arrived.

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  2. Morning Dew*

    Have you ever found yourself liking the music featured in TV commercials and you Google to find out the song & singer?

    I found Børns’ song “Cloud” through a Volvo SUV commercial and Biig Piig’s song “Feels Right” through a KitchenAid mixer commercial.

    What songs have you discovered this way?

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    1. Frango Mint*

      I like the Shazam app for this—usually for a show or film and an interesting song pops up in the soundtrack. The same for a new song that shows up in a Zumba dance class. I found out that I liked Summer Thing by Afrojack and also the group Tame Impala.

      Reply ↓
    2. Damn it, Hardison!*

      My love of The Avalanches began when I heard their song “Because I’m Me” in a commercial. I only wish I’d heard them sooner!

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    3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Not a commercial, but I discovered the band Five Finger Death Punch when I heard their song “Far From Home” on a Criminal Minds episode and have become quite fond of their music since.

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      1. The OG Sleepless*

        My husband and I discovered The Crystal Method from the opening scene of Bones (their music was used a lot in the original CSI as well). This opened up the entire category of EDM music to me in general and led to my undying love of Daft Punk.

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    4. Going Underground*

      I do this all the time – not just adverts but TV shows and films too. I usually Shazam (like Frango Mint says) and would estimate a good 40% of my Spotify playlist is made up of music I’ve heard on TV shows or adverts.

      Ezra Furman I discovered through watching Sex Education on Netflix, Wasia Project from watching Heartstopper, too many songs to mention from the film Moonlight… it’s my favourite way of discovering music.

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    5. goddessoftransitory*

      Not a commercial, but I really loved an instrumental I heard in a season of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure and tracked it down to buy it: Last Train Home, by Pat Metheny. So sad, yet peaceful–it sounds exactly like a train moving along to its last destination.

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    7. Clara Bowe*

      I was a late 90’s teen, so SO MUCH of my music collection was from tv series soundtracks. I think my favorite deep cut is Beverly Klass, who did some music for the La Femme Nikita series on USA. It was EARLY internet, so I ended up writing a letter to her agent (gushing), and she sent me a demo tape with the tracks on. Teen me was GIDDY. I ended up donating it for a fan auction fundraiser a decade later!

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    8. GoryDetails*

      Not commercials, usually – I’m more likely to get miffed when I hear a favorite song that’s now being used as a commercial jingle {wry grin}. But I did get yanked out of the story when the (grim but very good) Korean movie Parasite featured a lovely Italian ballad in one scene; I loved the music so much that I stopped following the story at all, went off to Google, and found that it was In ginocchio da te by Gianni Morandi from 1964. [I eventually did watch the rest of the movie and enjoyed it, despite the over-the-top events. And Morandi’s song is now on my regular playlist {grin}.]

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    9. Sloanicota*

      Ha, this actually happens to me a lot. I always feel a little weird about it, like I’m not a “real” fan if I learned about the band from a commercial but … I still like some of those songs! One I just listened to today was All My Days by Alexi Murdoch … can’t remember the commercial now, probably Apple or some car company, but it’s a good song!

      Reply ↓
    11. Mornington Crescent*

      Years ago, Microsoft were advertising for their then-new Edge browser with the song ‘Too Close’ by Alex Clare, which I liked MUCH better than the product!

      Reply ↓
    12. Six Feldspar*

      I really liked soundtrack CDs back in the day for getting introduced to music I wouldn’t pick otherwise (still do enjoy the CDs! But they’re not as common anymore…)

      Soundtracks for Long Way Down, Skins and Cirque du Soleil are what I can remember right now…

      Reply ↓
      1. The OG Sleepless*

        You can find them on Spotify a lot of the time. We went to Cirque’s show Kurio a few years ago and my kids found the Spotify playlist the next day. It pops up in my son’s playlists every now and then.

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      2. goddessoftransitory*

        I actually have quite a collection of soundtrack CDs! The one for the nineties version of Great Expectations (the one with Ethan Hawke and Gwyneth Paltrow) is really good.

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    13. Buni*

      There’s a UK website called something like admusic.co etc that I end up using ALL the time (though apparently not recently enough to remember the url…). My last fave was a cover of ‘I Could Have Danced All Night’ by Faultline ft. Jackl. I think it was recorded specifically for the ad.

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    14. Mimmy*

      My husband and I discovered a lot of great songs on Grey’s Anatomy, my favorite being Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.

      Reply ↓
  3. Children's Book Recs Please!*

    I’m looking for a children’s book to take to a baby shower. Would love recommendations.

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    1. Rogue Slime Mold*

      Hippos Go Berserk (Boynton): counting with berserk hippos
      The Snowy Day (Keats): a classic for a reason
      Owl Babies: quiet and soothing
      Going on a Bear Hunt (Oxenbury): classic with lovely illustrations

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    2. Shiara*

      “I am a baby” by Bob Shea has become one of my gotos, especially in a context where I think the classics (brown bear brown bear, sheep in a jeep, etc) will be well represented. Helen Oxenbury and Mem Fox’s Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes is also lovely. And Knuffle Bunny by Mo Willems.

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    3. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

      To read right now,
      *Pat the Bunny*,
      *Pat the Cat*,
      any of the Sandra Boynton board books (*Moo, Bah, La, La, la* is a favorite, but they’re all great).
      *Goodnight, Moon* (or a modern re-telling which has a Black woman scientist protagonist, *Goodnight, Lab*)

      To read a little later:

      –*Go, Dog, Go!* (The full book, not the board book.) It’s a bit sexist (“Do you like my hat?”), but it is otherwise awesome and teaches colors and numbers and sizes, etc.
      –The *Eloise* books, about a mischievous little girl who lives at the Plaza Hotel.
      –The *Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle* books, about misbehaving children who learn to behave better due to facing the natural results of their actions.
      –*Make Way for Ducklings*

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    4. Hypatia*

      Brown bear, brown bear , what do you see? by Bill Martin
      Blue Hat , Green Hat ( actually, any board book by Boynton)
      Chicka-chicka-boom-boom by Bill Martin
      The Runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown
      Click-Clack-Moo, Cows that Type by Doreen Cronin

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    5. CanadaGoose*

      Adding to some of the good recommendations already provided (eg Sheep in a jeep), I also recommend Sandra Boynton books, especially the Belly Button Book. Others that will survive early toddlerhood and are currently on our shelf: Little Blue Truck, and Grumpy Monkey. Both are good examples of handling bad moods, and friendship.

      Reply ↓
    6. Forensic13*

      You Are Light by Aaron Becker is a gorgeous one

      Chicka Chicka Boom Book is a classic, of course

      There are these cute fat board books by Priddy Books that my daughter always loved. They have a lot of “100 word” books with basic pictures.

      Any book that babies can touch are always a hit too

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    7. goddessoftransitory*

      I always recommend Goodnight Moon–can’t go wrong with that one! Beautiful and available in hardback, soft cover, board book…

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    8. katt09*

      A couple of my baby shower go-tos:

      Little You by Richard Van Camp — lovely gentle words about how much a baby is loved, with beautiful illustrations of an Indigenous family

      The Night Is Deep and Wide by Gillian Sze — beautiful black and white (with color accents) illustrations, perfect for young babies, and with poetic words to read

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      1. Hypatia*

        Oh, The Night is Deep and Wide is just gorgeous! and black and white is great for younger babies. This will be on my list for the next baby gift I buy!

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    9. HodgePodge*

      The Never Touch books by Rosie Greening are great. They have fun textures that got my son into reading.

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    10. New Name Needed*

      What a wonderful world – it’s a board book version of the song with lovely illustrations. One of our favorites for little ones

      Baby beluga by Raffi. I love a book you can sing for an infant.

      Runaway bunny. An all time classic.

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      1. Houndmom*

        Herriott’s Stories for Children — a collection of the heart warming stories from all creatures great and small and the subsequent books.

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      2. Shiara*

        I will say, watch out for some of the board book editions of Dr Seuss. Some of them are painfully edited down for the format, including the ABC one.

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        1. Rogue Slime Mold*

          This! Try reading your board book aloud.

          Our board book of Go Dog Go managed to capture the poetry of the original in a small, concentrated form. Our board book of Dr Suess’s ABC killed the poetry that made the longer version sing.

          (Child in question now has a PhD, but I still remember my frustration at this.)

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    12. No Tribble At All*

      My toddler is obsessed with:
      Peek-a-who by Nina Laden – has cutouts to turn the pages & a mirror at the end. He’s ripped the back page off, he’s read it so many times
      Where’s The Cat? By Layla P Arrenhius – has felt flaps so they can’t be ripped, and a mirror
      The very hungry caterpillar, of course :)
      The whales on the bus by Katrina Charman
      Planes Go by Steve Light – great for making funny sounds

      I agree with whoever said books with textures, cutouts, or flaps are good. There’s a whole series “Never Touch A ___” (spider, dragon, dinosaur, shark?) that has nubby rubber bits. Also they’re super colorful. Once babies figure out touching things on purpose, they like touching things with varied textures.

      Other fun ones are the Baby Loves Science series, by Irene Chan. Much more colorful and better pictures than the Chris Ferrie ones.

      Honestly though, you can’t go wrong (except The Runaway Bunny). For the first couple months, having a variety of board books is more to entertain the parents as they try to come up with anything to interact with the smol potato.

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      1. Veronica*

        For the parent as much as for the child: You Are My I Love You board book by Maryann K. Cusimano. So lovely. Has been a great favorite at baby showers. Often elicits ohhhs and teary eyes.

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    13. Flower*

      Goodnight, Moon is a classic and wonderful, but they are likely to get multiple copies! You might try the board book version of Goodnight, Gorilla, which is maybe less well known but absolutely fantastic. I have a copy myself!

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        1. Just Here for the Llama Grooming*

          Came here to say this on both counts. Goodnight Gorilla was a huge favorite in our house. And we just gave Hippos Remain Calm by Boynton after giving Hippos Go Beserk for the previous birthday.

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    14. Dark Macadamia*

      Dinosaur Kisses is my go-to baby shower book because it’s cute and hilarious but less likely to be duplicated than a classic

      Reply ↓
    15. Don’t put metal in the science oven*

      10 Minutes ‘Till Bedtime is great. It has few words but fun pictures that little kids love to discover something new each time. Probably won’t be duplicated. Isn’t a baby book- more for toddlers, but books keep.

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    16. Mrs. Frisby*

      I love to give the board book Global Babies. Babies love looking at photos of real babies and this has a nice diversity of babies around the world.

      Also love to give high contrast books for those developing eyes for newborns. Tana Hoban or Peter Linenthal are great for this.

      If they are a cat or dog family then either Babies and Doggies or Babies and Kitties are great choices as well.

      There’s some interesting research about books with photographs rather than illustrations helping with vocabulary retention, so I like to build up a family’s collection of these types of books as they are more likely to have lots of books with illustrations (which I love and are amazing, just good to have a mix!).

      Reply ↓
    18. RagingADHD*

      Snuggle Puppy (Boynton)

      Counting Kisses (Katz) is a lovely bedtime book.

      When they’re old enough to have paper pages but still love picture books, Like Likes Like (Raschka) is so beautiful it makes me cry.

      Reply ↓
    19. Seven hobbits are highly effective, people*

      I always recommend The Big Orange Splot. It’s an older book (my grandma used to read it to me when I was little), but it was still in print the last time I needed a copy.

      I particularly love that it has these very casual illustrations that don’t look super polished but rather like something a kid might draw. (It also inspired me from an early age to not buy a house in an HOA, because I totally wanted to have a house “that looked like all of my dreams” like in the book when I grew up! I did buy a house in a neighborhood without an HOA, but alas have not done anything nearly that interesting to or with it because adulthood is like that sometimes.)

      Reply ↓
      1. one more librarian*

        Seconding this rec — Daniel Pinkwater is awesome and The Big Orange Splot is my favorite picture book ever. I got to read it to a first grade class once, and it was amazing — they started in a neat circle at the edge of the storytime rug and with every page they moved closer and closer and started to say it with me — “My house is me, and I am it. My house is where I like to be and it looks like all my dreams.”

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    20. Six Feldspar*

      Possum Magic by Mem Fox is an Australian classic and has beautiful artwork!

      When I was born one of my uncles got my parents a Calvin and Hobbes book with a note saying “we’re sure they won’t be *this* bad, but just to warn you…” – I grew up reading it and I seem to have turned out ok, and I hope it gave my parents a laugh while they were in the thick of raising a small child…

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    21. Alex*

      My favorite baby book is “The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear.” I think it is so cute.

      Reply ↓
    23. is the math right ?*

      press here.
      good night good night construction site.
      chicka chicka boom boom
      barnyard beat
      brown bear brown bear

      nom fiction :
      baby loves science series
      plants feed me.

      Reply ↓
    24. Picture books*

      This is Sadie by Sara O’Leary
      Any of the Jon Klassen hat books (board or BN editions are cute and inexpensive)
      You are Here by Oliver Jeffers (more for the parents at first but good for that!)
      Jon Muth’s Zen panda books (tv show Stillwater is based on them)
      The Curious Garden by Peter Brown (esp good for New Yorkers who love the High Line)

      Reply ↓
      1. Imsostartled*

        “No matter what” is my favorite book to give at baby showers. Works for any gender parent/child as it’s a “Big” and “Little” fox. I love it so much I got a tattoo on my arm with the text and might get one of an adapted picture because they are beautiful!

        Reply ↓
    26. Second Breakfast*

      Jazz Baby – Lisa Wheeler
      This was a favorite when my daughter was a baby. The rhythm makes it really fun to read.

      Little Poems for Tiny Ears – Lin Oliver
      This perfectly captures the baby experience and the poems made me laugh. Even now that my daughter is seven, I remember gems like, “Every time they change my diapers/They have to clean me with those wipers”

      Reply ↓
    28. Hyaline*

      Honestly, if you have a favorite from when you were a child that’s still in print (especially if it’s a little bit lesser known) go with that. They’re going to get a ton of classics and “babies first” kind of books but something more obscure that is 100% from you will be really meaningful. (Signed, parent of two who was given a lot of books.)

      Reply ↓
    29. The OG Sleepless*

      Jamberry! Also, the Good Dog, Carl books. They don’t have any words, just beautiful illustrations so you just point out what’s going on.

      Reply ↓
  4. Valancy Stirling*

    Reading thread! What are you reading/recently finished?

    I’m in a major slump right now, but I’m considering picking up Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson.

    Reply ↓
    1. Rogue Slime Mold*

      I am onto Book 5 in my deep dive into Dungeon Crawler Carl. This one more directly references the Odyssey, and I’m reminded (especially from reading Circe recently) that Odysseus seemed to have some pretty severe PTSD after being the gods’ plaything, even in the ancient Greek versions. I appreciate that Carl keeps the blame for the crawlers’ situation right where it belongs.

      Reply ↓
    2. theinone*

      I’m working my way through Dracula! Granted, it’s for a class, but the class is so interesting I don’t even mind having to read multiple long pieces of writing. (It’s on tuberculosis in literature, which is absolutely fascinating to me!)

      Reply ↓
      3. GoryDetails*

        Vampires and tuberculosis – sounds like a fun class indeed! (I do adore Dracula, and am probably due for a re-read.)

        Reply ↓
      5. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

        What a cool class! Are you reading *The Plague and I* (humorous non-fiction about spending a year in a TB sanatorium in the 1930s)? If not, you might like it!

        Reply ↓
    3. My Brain is Exploding*

      LoL…I read “That’s Not My Polar Bear” at least 5 times to a one-year-old today…

      Reply ↓
      2. Katydid*

        I was just thinking of adding the “That’s not my….” series to the thread above! my nieces and nephews loved those books!

        Reply ↓
    4. Rara Avis*

      I’m fighting my way through Off With their Heads by Zoe Hana Mikuta. Good writing but none of the characters are in any way likeable, so I’m struggling. Also A History of the World in Twelve Shipwrecks by David Gibbins.

      Reply ↓
    5. Teacher Lady*

      This week for my Arab-American Heritage Month challenge, I finished two books. I highly recommend Don’t Forget Us Here by Mansoor Adayfi, which is a memoir written by a former Guantanamo detainee. I didn’t really enjoy Fencing with the King by Diana Abu-Jaber; I found the characters extremely underdeveloped, and the plot wasn’t enough to carry them. (Honestly, the part of the book I enjoyed the most was looking up the historical and cultural sites the characters visited on Wikipedia…which one will note is explicitly not the book itself.)

      I’m currently reading Her Night with the Duke by Diana Quincy (both the author and the FMC are Palestinian), and am about to start Zeyn Joukhadar’s Thirty Names of Night, which I DNFed a couple years ago but would like to try again. I also have three graphic novels (two from Huda Fahmy, whose first book I read last week) and Amal Al-Mohtar’s new fantasy novel on my library stack! I have a ton of writing to do for a grad class tomorrow morning, but I’m looking forward to chilling with my books all afternoon!

      Reply ↓
      1. cleo*

        I loved the new Amal Al-Mohtar! Very different than This is How You Lose the Time War (which I also loved) but still poetic and weird in the best ways.

        Reply ↓
    6. goddessoftransitory*

      Plowing through my bedside pile! Currently reading Three Bags Full and loving it for bedtime. For toting about, more Shirley Jackson short stories and a terrific mid-sixties crime novel by Helen Eustis called The Horizontal Man, about a murder on a college campus. It’s one of those books I enjoy rereading even after I know whodunnit.

      Reply ↓
      1. goddessoftransitory*

        And almost forgot! Just read Rendezvous in Black, by Cornell Woolrich, who along with Raymond Chandler is considered one of the originators of American Noir/detective fiction. It was a fun, fast read with lots of gorgeous imagery and I’ve already ordered The Bride Wore Black to follow up!

        Reply ↓
      2. GoryDetails*

        Helen Eustis! I wasn’t wild about The Horizontal Man, but her hilarious fable “Mr. Death and the Redheaded Woman” is a long-time favorite of mine.

        Reply ↓
          1. GoryDetails*

            Short story, originally published in a magazine, has been re-issued as a children’s book (and is also in some anthologies).

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    7. Forensic13*

      Read Sunrise on the Reaping and really enjoyed it! It’s not perfect, but better than the other prequel and I cared a lot more about the characters.

      Finished a book called The Gone World, a time-traveling//alternate universes book and was much less impressed. It’s one of those books where you can tell there was a ton of research into some aspects (the representation of the MC, who had a leg amputation, and her struggles, as well as the physics involved in the time traveling,) and then just a bunch of made-up BS in other sections. I won’t spoil, but let’s just say that a major aspect of the plot was just “magic” dressed in physics clothes. It was quite annoying.

      And a Lovecraftian horror rewrite of Cinderella called We Kept Her in the Cellar that I really liked! It dipped into YA tone a bit, but the actual horror was good and the characters reasonably well-rounded and interesting.

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    8. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I am reading John Scalzi’s latest – I forget the exact title but it is about the moon turning to cheese, comprised of a bunch of worldwide vignettes about the social, political and sciency shenanigans that ensue. I’m specifically only reading one chapter/vignette per night, so I’m not done yet, but if it’s not my new favorite of his books, it’s definitely up there.

      Reply ↓
      1. GoryDetails*

        When The Moon Hits Your Eye! I read that one recently, and found it very entertaining – though the premise was pretty ridiculous. Scalzi does seem to enjoy coming up with really wild ideas and then figuring out how people would react if this Impossible Thing actually happened.

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    9. word nerd*

      Definitely in a reading slump, and nothing is really grabbing me despite high expectations for some. Did not finish Dream Count by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie or Three Bags Full this week (as in I returned both to the library), and I’m on the fence about continuing with Papyrus because the super-short chapters are throwing me off, but I’m not very far in yet so maybe I should give it more of a chance first.

      Reply ↓
    10. Autumn*

      I’m reading Mickey7; the latest Ana and Din book A Drop of Corruption; and listening to Robin Hobb’s Farseer trilogy. All enjoyable, though the Hobb has a lot of repetition and I find myself impatient. The hardcopies are all checked out at the library though so I’ll stick it out with the audio. The Ana and Din books are a lot of fun, like a female Sherlock Holmes and a mentat Watson traveling around a medieval version of Jeff VanderMeer’s Area X.

      Reply ↓
      1. Houndmom*

        Reading Anne Perry’s Daniel Pitt stories. I had not read anything by her in a while. I had read some of the Thomas Pitt stories (though I appreciated her Monk series more). Also working my way through Marjorie’s Eccles — a good writer with a couple of series.

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    11. GoryDetails*

      Still Life by Sarah Winman, which I’ve enjoyed very much – though it’s not at all the book I expected it to be from the “rescuing art during WWII” setup. It’s more of a long-running extended/found-family exploration from the war through the ’60s, with charming scenes and characters – and something of a “fable” aspect.

      Carrying-around book: The Neurodiversiverse – Alien Encounters, a science fiction anthology featuring stories, art, and poems by and about neurodivergent people. Some really good entries so far.

      Audiobook: Paladin’s Strength by T. Kingfisher, the second in her “Saints of Steel” series that began with Paladin’s Grace. It’s another fantasy/romance focusing on one of the paladins whose god suddenly and inexplicably died, leaving them at risk of becoming uncontrollable berserkers. They’ve received shelter at the Temple of the White Rat, where they undertake missions on behalf of that church – and in this book, paladin Istvhan is hunting a serial killer, and joins forces with Clara, who’s a nun from an order with secrets of its own. While there are some fun elements to the story, I’m finding the awkward romance way too repetitive – Istvhan and Clara each spend a LOT of time second-guessing their own attraction to each other, wondering about the other’s impressions of them, etc. Yes, they each have some baggage, but I think a good half of those “how could he/she want me knowing my dark secret/age/bad attitude” scenes could have been cut. When they *aren’t* making assumptions about each other’s feelings the story is a lot of fun, but I think that books 1 and 3 (Paladin’s Grace and Paladin’s Hope) are better.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rogue Slime Mold*

        I love the Temple of the White Rat, and really agree with you about the scenes forwarding the romance plot lines in this series. For me it’s “Angst scene–skipping ahead; sex scene–skipping ahead; Aha! A scene where we talk to a bureaucrat about food preservation!”

        Reply ↓
        1. GoryDetails*

          Heh! Yeah, pretty much any scenes involving the White Rat’s priests and agents are my favorites. In “Strength” I’ve just reached a part where our heroes have arrived in the remote town where they hope to get some answers, but they find that it’s run by a cadre of Sea Lords and has no rule of law at all. This means the White Rat temple can’t rely on its greatest strength – its lawyers – and must be content to help out with feeding, healing, and sheltering the poor to the best of their ability, without going so far as to irk the Sea Lords into throwing them out. They do have people tasked specifically to look after the animals of the folks in need; by caring for their pets and domestic livestock, they encourage the people to come in for necessary treatment. It’s all very touching – and also funny; the White Rat priest who’s into amphibians is a character I’d like to read more about {grin}.

          Reply ↓
      3. allathian*

        Have you read (The) Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon? It’s been years since I read it, but I was fascinated by the first person POV of an autistic character.

        Reply ↓
        1. GoryDetails*

          Re Speed of Dark – yes, I did read that one, and liked it very much. (Love Moon’s work in general.)

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    12. Bethlam*

      I bought the whole series by Tess Gerritson that Rizzoli and Isles is based on, started the first book yesterday, and put all the books in my give-away pile today. The murders were too gruesome for me, and I guess the tv show spoiled me,, because I found the book character of Rizzoli very unlikable. I bought them at a flea market, so luckily am only out a few dollars.

      Reply ↓
      1. Miss Buttons*

        What a disappointment! I love the tv show Rizzoli and Isles. Thanks for the tip. I think I’ll pass on the books.

        Reply ↓
    13. Mitchell Hundred*

      Just started The Divine Economy by Paul Seabright. It’s about the relationship between religion and economics, I think. I’m big into social history/anthropology non-fiction, so it’s quite my cup of tea so far.

      Reply ↓
    14. Mitchell Hundred*

      Oh, I also recently finished re-reading the first volume of Dicebox, a sci-fi webcomic about two itinerant workers. Always nice to see some sci-fi from the other end of the social ladder.

      Reply ↓
    15. Dark Macadamia*

      Just finished The Wind Knows My Name and feeling like a bad person for finding it so meh. A lot of the reviews talk about how beautifully written it is and I didn’t feel that way at all, I kind of wonder if it’s because it’s translated? I do like a pandemic book, and for once the “past and present” threads came together well, but it really just didn’t do much for me.

      Reply ↓
    16. Bluebell Brenham*

      Finished Don’t Forget to Write by Sara Goodman Corsino- a college student in the 60s is shipped to stay with her great aunt in Philly after being caught necking with the Rabbi’s son. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Started The Best Life Book Club because I liked the title but it was v flat so DNF. Also read The Talented Mrs Mandelbaum by Margalit Fox – a bio of a very successful fence in Gilded Age New York. Story was interesting but too many clunky footnotes.

      Reply ↓
    17. My Brain is Exploding*

      I am reading “The Surrender of Singapore.” It reads a bit like a history book. Since I’m from the US, this isn’t really in any of our history lessons as it probably is for a person who is English or Australian.

      Reply ↓
    18. Clara Bowe*

      I just finished Cher, Part one (by Cher) and had a really nice time with it. Cher is completely herself and it is a really nice read. It is fluffy and delightful, but with flashes of depth. If you like Cher, you’ll likely enjoy the book!

      Reply ↓
    19. Smol Bookwizard*

      I just finished reading The Tomb of Dragons, the final book of Katherine Addison’s Cemeteries of Amalo trilogy. I can understand a few complaints made by readers who felt certain plot developments weren’t adequately telegraphed, but personally, I was too charmed and moved by the tale and its denizens to complain.

      At work, I’m actually really getting into the Elephant and Piggy series. :D They’re approachable to the kids and really well-written and expertly crafted to their task of early reader/early social-emotional education.

      now I need a crossover.

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    20. Six Feldspar*

      After being underwhelmed by A Mind To Murder by PD James, I’m reading Devices and Desires also by them and enjoying it much more

      Reply ↓
    21. Lemonwhirl*

      This week, I finished two books.
      – “Dead Money” by Jakob Kerr is a mystery set in Silicon Valley. The founder/CEO of a highly valued tech company is found dead in his office and it’s revealed that he’d recently changed his will to insert a “dead money” clause – in the case of murder, his estate cannot be settled and distributed until someone is charged with his murder. The FBI and an investigator from a venture capital firm are the unlikely team trying to solve the mystery, but it keeps getting more twisty and complicated. A good, fun read.

      – “Wordhunter” by Stella Sands is a mystery about a forensic linguistic student who is drafted onto a small town police force to help solve a crime and then a girl disappears. I wanted to love this book. I’m a word nerd and the book has diagrammed sentences in it. The premise was fantastic but the execution….was not. The tone was never quite right and the plot goes off the rails.

      I just started “Blood Test” by Charles Baxter, which was recommended by Allison a few weeks (? maybe 2 months?) ago. I’m about a quarter of the way in and so far can see why it was recommended. Very engaging protagonist and interesting premise.

      Reply ↓
    22. Weegie*

      Raising Hare by Chloe Dalton. a must-read, even if you’re not normally into stories about animals. I’m listening to the audiobook version, and it’s beautiful listening.

      Reply ↓
    23. Citymouse*

      Truly Devious is a good choice. The mystery elements are compelling enough I plowed through the whole series.

      I just started The Tainted Cup which had a lot of buzz but it isn’t landing with me yet.

      Reply ↓
      1. Autumn*

        I talked about the second Robert Jackson Bennett book in that series, A Drop of Corruption, elsewhere in the thread – I very much enjoyed them both but it did take me a while to get into the first one. I listened to the audiobook as well as reading parts of the text to get the spellings of names, and the flavor of the written style. Good reader.

        Reply ↓
    24. Jane B*

      I am reading through the Murderbot series after watching the Apple+ trailer (thread already started further below). My head hasn’t been able to concentrate about reading actual books for months, if not years, so I am beyond excited that I am now on the fourth book in four days. I am cautiously optimistic that I will actually be able to finish the series – the 8th book has been sitting a long time on my (digital) bookshelf.

      Reply ↓
      1. Jane B*

        Wait, correction: the trailer has been out for 2 days? I feel like I’ve been reading the past three nights.. Has it really only been two nights?? I did read two books yesterday travelling!

        Reply ↓
        1. Six Feldspar*

          Murderbot series is really good for covering a lot of space/time/plot in short novels, hope you enjoy them!

          Reply ↓
      2. Shiara*

        I’m also doing a murderbot reread in light of the trailer. It’s been fun to speed through them and I had forgotten large chunks of Rogue Protocol.

        Reply ↓
    25. Atheist Nun*

      I recently read and can recommend Silver Nitrate by Silvia Moreno-Garcia. She is one of the few writers who is expert enough to make me suspend my disbelief and think, “Hmmm sure–the supernatural could be real, let me keep reading to see what happens,” when otherwise I would just roll my eyes and DNF. It helps that her books are set in Mexico and reference pre-Hispanic history, two areas that interest me. This book concerns itself with magic, the undead, and horror films, three things that usually I would skip, but in this author’s hands feel rather charming.

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    26. Miss Buttons*

      I’ve been on a Leonard Bernstein kick ever since I saw the movie Maestro, which I thought was masterful. So I’ve been reading his biographies, notably his daughter Jamie Bernstein’s, and the much longer biography of him by his friend and colleague Humphrey Burton. I haven’t been much of a biography reader before, but I think that’s about to change. I’ve gotta read something while I’m waiting for Louise Penny’s latest Gamache book to be released in October.

      Reply ↓
    27. PhyllisB*

      I’m finishing up Lula Dean’s Little Library of Banned Books by Kirsten Wells. I really like it and it feels familiar because I live the South, and parts of it are funny but I wish it weren’t so stereotypical. I know there’s a lot of evil men and I’ve never heard of a woman plotting a massacre, but racism is not confined to white men and there’s plenty of women who are racist and abusive too. However, I know this is fiction so I’m keeping in mind that one book can’t cover everything.

      Reply ↓
    28. Nervous Nellie*

      One for me this week. My Penguin Classic is one I searched for for quite a while. I love the dreamy, stream of consciousness form of Pessoa’s Book of Disquiet, and so went looking for (and found!) Gustave Flaubert’s trippiest tale, Bouvard and Pecuchet (translated by AJ Krailsheimer). The title characters are copy clerks & best friends. Bouvard inherits a ton of money, so the pals head off to the country to learn everything about everything that interests them. It’s not a spoiler to report they fail at everything from farming to romance. It’s a sharp satire that’s laugh out loud funny, and like Pessoa, it’s unfinished, random, rambling, episodic…..and then just stops.

      This was Flaubert’s final book, unfinished at his death, posthumously published. Like Pessoa, there are some notes and rough drafts of the story throughout the book, and the prize at the end is the addition of Flaubert’s Dictionary of Received Ideas, an alphabetical list of cliches and ‘bourgeois social ideas.’ Very Pessoa! An example of one listing: ‘ACHILLES – Add ‘fleet-footed’: people will think you’ve read Homer.’

      Having read Flaubert’s first book, Madame Bovary (sigh – troubled, spoiled woman shops too much), and knowing it was a literary hit, I’m sad to think that this last book was hardly noticed, as it contains much sharper social commentary. Oh, and the characters are endearingly inept. The random assembly of chapters as episodic experiences feels much like Pessoa, or even Don Quixote, and the book has even been likened to Joyce’s Ulysses. I just know I would be fascinated to have these two clowns as neighbors.

      Reply ↓
      1. goddessoftransitory*

        I love your posts–they make me want to read whatever you’ve been reading!

        Have you read the book Ten Years in the Tub? It’s by Nick Hornby, and it’s lists and essays of all the books he bought and read (hardly ever the same!) every month for a decade.

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    29. Dontbeadork*

      Just finished Vera Wong’s Guide to Snooping (on a Dead Man) by Jesse Sustanto. It was a lot of fun — I don’t often read books that are heavy on secondhand embarrassment, but Vera never seems to be embarrassed, so she’s not nearly as cringy as one might expect.

      Was going to read Inspector Hobbs and the Blood, but I just cannot like the narrator, who seems to be a whiny, incompetent idiot with nothing to recommend him. Anything he does right is done by accident, and I need to be able to like the protagonist of a story I read. Instead, I’m going to shift to The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, which my husband ordered for me after we were talking about the movie and TV series last week.

      Reply ↓
  5. Valancy Stirling*

    Procrastination thread! What are you planning to get done this weekend?

    I once again have a pile of homework to grade and lesson planning to get through. Seriously wishing I had gone to school for marketing instead.

    Reply ↓
    1. Peanut Hamper*

      I am cleaning out the pantry. It has become a dumping ground of late because I have been so busy at work. It needs some love and attention. Not much to toss (I hope!), it just needs a good sort-through.

      Reply ↓
    2. Rara Avis*

      The kid’s taxes. They’ll only get ca. $100 back, but it will be a learning experience. (16 yo who had their first job last summer.)

      Reply ↓
    3. Teacher Lady*

      I have class tomorrow morning that I still need to do writing for (ugh don’t judge me, we had state standardized testing this week and I’m as drained as the kids who actually took it), so tomorrow I’m hauling myself to the library to write for 2 hours before class. It’s going to break my brain but it’s the only way. Please send me strength.

      Giving myself permission to procrastinate on everything else though.

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    4. goddessoftransitory*

      Ughh, so much Adulting: we both have to fill in new W4 forms for work to take out more deductions from our paychecks–some IRA stuff has started appreciating and we ended up with a higher income and paying taxes instead of getting a refund.

      I also have to call and make a mammogram appointment. BLAAAAARGH.

      Reply ↓
    5. Just a Name*

      I’m planning to procrastinate further. Today felt a bit like Mercury in retrograde where my planned tasks (now fully executed) were interrupted by 2 unexpected minor crises (also done at least until Monday when people return to the office). I’m tired and a bit bruised and so over today. Ibuprofen and bourbon for me tonight. Cheers.

      Reply ↓
    6. GoryDetails*

      I should do some serious decluttering and general cleanup. Had some pretty bad back-and-hip problems over the last several weeks, meaning that anything involving bending or lifting was out of the question, and things have definitely piled up. I will take it slow; while I didn’t do anything (that I know of) to cause the recent pain, getting too enthusiastic now that I feel better would probably be a bad idea.

      Reply ↓
      1. allathian*

        My hip is giving me some trouble and I’m not comfortable standing for more than 15 minutes at a time. There goes my plan of sorting through the linen closet.

        Oh well, there’s always Easter next week. I’m in Finland and here office employees get Good Friday and Easter Monday off. Schools are also out. We’re going to see family, but we aren’t particularly religious so we don’t have any holiday traditions except chocolate eggs and mämmi, but it has to be the traditional kind sweetened by the Maillard reaction rather than the commercial kind sweetened with black molasses.

        Reply ↓
      2. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        I’m just getting over bad hip area pain too. Saw the acupuncturist Thursday, going back again next week. She helped me a ton with pain after a broken wrist (when my traditional healthcare providers had told me I was done with physical therapy and everything should be just fine). On this visit when she hit the hot spots in that iliac, whoa! And on the back side, at which point she said, “You have it coming and going!”

        Definitely making sure I’m careful with it. Mine triggered after a day with about double my usual pretty good level of walking, which makes me sad, and it’s been over a month.

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    7. hummingbird*

      Clean! I have recently order a lot of things (from small accessory type items to yard stuff) and have a lot of packaging to break down and stack. My recycling bin can’t hold it all (I have boxes from the shed I ordered etc).

      Also, again, “read a damn nook! I picked up We’ll Prescribe You a Car which (not) recommended here that I thought would still be easy to get through. Not so much.

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    8. But what to call me?*

      I have potential research participants that I must stop putting off contacting.

      I always feel so awkward suggesting they might let me impose on an hour of their time that I avoid doing it, when really it’s not that hard to do, they’re from a group that already indicated they might be interested, and they can easily ignore me if they want to.

      I also need to do laundry, but fortunately I never manage to convince myself that I’m rudely imposing on the washing machine’s time.

      Reply ↓
    10. Clara Bowe*

      Open a new credit union account (put off for 3+ years, but I have an appointment!!!) and set up my new iPad. I remain deeply unimpressed with the lack of home button, but the one from 2018 keeps shutting itself off. Sigh.

      I also took out all the trash in the house tonight. Yay for checking stuff off early.

      Reply ↓
      1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        I thought I would find the lack of home button annoying, but I found an option I actually prefer! In the Accessibility settings, you can turn on an onscreen home button that you can stick off to a side or corner or wherever makes sense, and you can move it around if you need to, but it behaves like the physical one in all functional ways.

        To activate: Go to settings – accessibility – touch – assistive touch. Turn it on (the little button will appear immediately), and then under “custom actions” set “single tap” to “home” and the other two to “none”. So if you tap it once, or double tap it, or whatever, it will behave like the home button. I haven’t found any exceptions to this, at least.

        Reply ↓
    11. Honoria Lucasta*

      I’ve got essays for two different classes to grade, and I want to bake some cookies tomorrow, and I have to hit dishes and laundry and clean the kitchen.

      Reply ↓
    12. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

      Grading! I really need to get a bunch done because for once I actually have some social plans.

      Reply ↓
    14. Warm Housewarming*

      I just moved and my new place is not clean. I’m hoping to wash inside and out of the kitchen cupboards, the fridge, and the stove and microwave. And then get some dishes unpacked so I can start cooking again.

      Oh, and my income tax returns are due on Tuesday. Don’t expect to owe anything but also don’t expect to get a refund. Just an annoying hassle filling out the forms.

      Reply ↓
    15. WoodswomanWrites*

      Both my taxes and my mom’s. She’s 97 and forgets that we have talked about my doing them for her this weekend, and she keeps calling asking when we’re doing them. Sunday.

      For my own taxes, I usually do them in February and get it out of the way, but this year I had some complicating paperwork that I procrastinated about. So here I am at the last minute.

      Reply ↓
      1. Cj*

        I’m a CPA that does taxes, and I just filed an extension for my own. I am sooooooo over doing taxes right now. On to the payroll reports…….

        Reply ↓
    16. Mimmy*

      Hoping to make some headway through a couple of courses on Adobe Acrobat through LinkedIn Learning. I’ve been wanting to learn more about PDF accessibility, and I need to learn the basics first.

      Reply ↓
    17. Phoebe*

      I need to buy a replacement light cover for an under-the-cabinet light in my kitchen. I looked for one a few months ago, but I couldn’t find any exact replacements (for the brand/model of the light) and am nervous about buying a generic one that might not fit.

      Reply ↓
    18. Bike Walk Bake Books*

      Tidying my closet and moving things around so the fall/winter stuff is more out of sight and the spring/summer stuff is front and center.

      I didn’t used to bother with this because I have a big closet. Then I took a Mindful Closet online cohort course from Dacy Gillespie (highly recommend her blog Unflattering). I learned so much about more mindful shopping, understanding and leaning into my personal style preferences, all from a place of body acceptance.

      I may also make a couple of scarf hangers, copying something I saw on Etsy: Long strip of wide ribbon with clear elastic loops that you pull the scarf through so it hangs down on either side. Pretty space-efficient storage to hang on a wall and I have a lot of scarves. Like, a lot a lot.

      Reply ↓
  6. Rogue Slime Mold*

    What are you watching, and would you recommend it?

    Watched Season 1 of Dark Winds this week, based on the Tony Hillerman series. This was exceptional, good writing and acting and compelling characters. The witch was terrifying, rarely speaking but looking at you with the gaze of someone who has not an ounce of imposter syndrome. I love the relationship between Joe and Emma, who have been married for decades.

    Surface season 2 limply concluded; I appreciated that a review I found mentioned all the dark scenes that make it hard to follow significant parts of the action. I continue to think that the two seasons just don’t fit together–when your main character is a lone wolf with severe amnesia, her seeking vengeance (I still have no idea how the vengeance was supposed to work) for stuff that happened in her childhood that she doesn’t remember is just confusing. Season 1 used Mbathu Raw’s considerable charisma to good effect, something missing from this season.

    A much better dark comedy take on the concept is The Tourist, about a tourist who wakes up in Australia with no memory, but it appears he was an assassin and people are out to get him for reasons he can’t remember.

    Reply ↓
    1. Going Underground*

      Currently watching ‘Severance’ on Apple TV after a colleague recommended it. It’s a hard watch sometimes (the first series in particular sometimes left me feeling a bit ‘down’ or sad after some episodes), but absolutely loving it.

      It reminds me a bit of the early episodes ‘Lost’ back in the day, where you’re trying to work out what’s going on and who people are.

      I’ve recently finished the fourth series of Astrid – Murder in Paris on All4, a series I absolutely adore, and can’t wait for the fifth series to start!

      Reply ↓
      1. Forensic13*

        We just started watching Severance at our house a few weeks ago and loved it too! I would do some pretty drastic things to acquire a recreated copy of that onboarding guide from the first episode.

        Reply ↓
      2. ThatGirl*

        Severance is so good. The black comedy gets dialed up a bit as it goes on but there is also a lot of sadness and grief and complex feelings.

        Reply ↓
      1. Charlotte Lucas*

        Dark Winds is so good!

        Finished Kingdom, and I would have loved more stories featuring Lyle’s brothers. But would still recommend.

        Reply ↓
    3. goddessoftransitory*

      I’m at loose ends, having finished The Last Detective; I think I’ll try Dark Winds next.

      Reply ↓
    4. RagingADHD*

      Loved Dark Winds.

      Just finished Million Dollar Secret on Netflix, and really enjoyed it. It was more like the original The Mole than the modern reboot was.

      Reply ↓
    5. allathian*

      Just started the most recent season of Death in Paradise. Seems decent, although I don’t like the new inspector much. I like that he’s Black, but why do they all have to come from the UK only to complain about the heat and the lack of aircon? It’s getting a bit old.

      Reply ↓
      1. RussianInTexas*

        He gets better, lol.
        But I think it’s time for them to have a last detective. They too can be quirky and weird!
        Fun fact, the actor actually was in one of the earlier episodes of the show, some seasons back. Same for the actor who played Neville, we’ve rewatched the whole show last year, and he shows up few seasons earlier as a person being interviewed about a murder.

        Reply ↓
      2. goddessoftransitory*

        What will we do without Selwyn?

        Also, do you think they’re moving Mervin and Naomi into a couple? Wouldn’t be the first time on this show.

        Reply ↓
    6. Always Science-ing*

      North of North. Inuk comedy set in a small arctic community. So good, highly recommend! Fellow Canadians can watch it free on CBC Gem, but it’s also on Netflix.

      Reply ↓
    7. Helvetica*

      I started “Shogun”, which seems very intricate and wonderfully made. The story seems to have many plotlines and intriguing characters, so I am enjoying it.
      On the other hand, I also tried “The Bear” and…I don’t understand what the fuss is about. At least the first episode did not pull me in, I found almost every character quite annoying and unenjoyable and the storyline quite meh. Should I just keep going? It is so highly lauded and I am wondering if I am in the wrong.

      Reply ↓
        1. Reba*

          We enjoyed much of the Bear but we made it workable by muting or fast forwarding through all the shouting. The later episodes that focus on the supporting characters made it worth my while.

          Reply ↓
    8. Miss Buttons*

      Has anyone seen The Pitt? I heard that it’s a total ripoff of the old tv show ER, with Noah Wyle starring in both. Apparently Michael Crichton’s estate thinks so. He was the creator of ER, and his estate is suing over it. I loved ER, particularly the young, dreamy George Clooney.

      Reply ↓
      1. WellRed*

        I plan to watch it and frankly don’t care if it’s a ripoff. I loved ER. Honestly it’s been so long since that show was on, it’s hard to imagine it feeling like a ripoff.

        Reply ↓
        1. Charlotte Lucas*

          All doctor shows seem pretty much alike to me. But I watched St. Elsewhere back in the day, and that set the bar pretty high for me. (The series finale still stands as one of the most disappointing and annoying ever, though.)

          Reply ↓
      2. RussianInTexas*

        It’s not really a rip-off, unless any medical drama is. The premise, sure, sounds similar, because we have ER. But the format is different – the season covers one shift. There is no romance, a lot less personal drama (no time for it), and significantly more body horror. Seriously, they show everything.
        I also like to imagine Noah Wyle’s character as the same person, just older, tired, and seen too much.

        Reply ↓
      3. Mimmy*

        I’ve never seen ER (would love to!) but The Pitt is EXCELLENT. It’s exactly how RussianInTexas describes it. It can definitely be intense, but it offers what seems to be a realistic glimpse into an ER in a major city. I sometimes forget that the entire season covers just one shift.

        Reply ↓
      4. The OG Sleepless*

        I don’t care if it’s a ripoff. I loved ER and I love The Pitt. I’m not a human doc, but I was a newbie vet when the original ER came out and Noah Wyle was playing a newbie doctor. Now I’m watching The Pitt as an older vet who’s seen some shit and the same actor is playing a similarly older doctor. The physical demand, the constant pressure, being constantly interrupted while you’re trying to think and be perfect at everything you’re doing, the adrenalin rush followed by the crash…been there, done all of that. The only thing missing is another episode where Robby does nothing but catch up on charts before he goes home, while people are still interrupting him.

        Reply ↓
    9. Katydid*

      I loved The Tourist! We are currently watching The Pitt on Max. It is so good but very graphic with medical stuff, I am an EMT so that’s fine for me but I still cry pretty much every episode.

      Reply ↓
    10. Alan*

      The Studio and Ludwig. My wife finds The Studio a little cringey but I find it interesting. Ludwig is a very light and fun mystery series.

      Reply ↓
    11. Teapot Translator*

      I’m watching the first episode of Mr. and Mrs. Murder on the Knowledge Network. It’s an Australian crime comedy featuring two crime scene cleaners who solve crimes. Based on the first episode, it looks fun!

      Reply ↓
    12. Bike Walk Bake Books*

      Thanks to a recent recommendation here, absolutely bingeing straight through The Residence and loving it. Uzo Aduba is beyond fabulous! Looking up the cast and realizing that Chef Marvella was Ensign Tilly on Star Trek: Discovery was a plus.

      Reply ↓
    13. Saturday*

      I’m watching The Bondsman and loving in. Kevin Bacon fights demons!
      Definitely not for everyone – very gory.

      Reply ↓
  7. Going Underground*

    Lake District trip advice please!

    My husband and I, along with his sister and mother (aged 88) are planning a trip to the Lake District in July this year.

    We’ve booked our accommodation, a lovely house right next to Windermere, and are staying for 5 nights.

    We’re now looking at all the things there are to do around the area and it’s quite mind-boggling!

    I know the lovely commenters here are a well-travelled bunch, and I’m hoping some of you may have visited the Lake District and are willing to share your tips!

    My mother-in-law is currently not as mobile as she once was, but we’ll take her wheelchair and we’re also looking at hiring all-terrain mobility scooters (these seem to be widely available at lots of attractions in the area).

    What things are a must do/must see, and what things are really not worth the hype?

    Restaurant recommendations also gratefully received – it’s my husband’s and his sister’s birthday whilst we’re away, so a dinner out somewhere with a gorgeous view would be fab.

    Thanks in advance for any and all suggestions!

    Reply ↓
    2. Jackalope*

      This is probably a sign that I’m not your target audience, but where’s the Lake District? What city/state/country?

      Reply ↓
      1. Going Underground*

        Hi Jackalope, it’s an area of outstanding natural beauty in the very North of England, just below Scotland really, stuffed full of mountains, lakes and gorgeous scenery!

        Reply ↓
    3. Rosie*

      I used to live in the Lake District! What kind of things are you interested in? Generally I would recommend Grasmere for the village feel and gingerbread, and Hill Top if you’re into Beatrix Potter or any National Trust house that takes your fancy for history. Personally I consider Ambleside a bit touristy and over rated, with the notable exception of Lake Road Kitchen which is an amazing restaurant!

      Reply ↓
      1. Going Underground*

        Thanks Rosie!

        We’re really just looking forward to seeing some beautiful scenery (no brainer around that area!), and doing some of the National Trust properties with decent disabled access – my MiL can walk quite well ordinarily, but is having a bit of joint pain atm, so nothing too strenuous :)

        I had a look on Google maps the other day, and was surprised at just how much there is to do just looking all the way round Windermere – lots of National Trust houses/viewpoints, plus there’s Ullswater and Coniston to go and see.

        I suppose I’m hoping for recommendations of ‘this place has great views/is an attraction worth visiting’ or ‘I wouldn’t bother with that place as it’s overrated and too touristy’ and ‘this restaurant had great food and a nice view’.

        So your reply is super helpful on all counts, thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

        Reply ↓
        1. Rosie*

          Windermere is a great place to be based, fun to explore and the lake is gorgeous; you might like to do a ferry trip there. I don’t remember ever going to a viewpoint or walk and feeling it wasn’t worth it, the views are stunning all around! Just be aware of narrow windy roads if you’re not used to driving on them (e.g. single track road where you might meet a tractor). Low Wood hotel is good, and if you like beer the Watermill Inn at Ings. Have a wonderful trip!

          Reply ↓
          1. Going Underground*

            That’s great to hear, thanks Rosie! I think my husband and sister-in-law might be the ones driving, thank goodness – I hate narrow lanes like that, and get so anxious driving down them.

            Thanks for the recommendations, most appreciated!

            Reply ↓
    4. Citymouse*

      I love hiking and I traveled there with my on laws. We got up at the crack of dawn to hike then joined in the in laws for brunch so they didn’t feel excluded.

      Reply ↓
    5. Picture books*

      I found Beatrix Potter’s house not that interesting (maybe I should have paid for the audio tour — there was no information in the house but it was 2016 so who knows). I really enjoyed my visit to Wordsworth’s house in Grasmere, the gardens were lovely and at the time at least some of the house was still used by descendants I think so it had a homey feel.

      My recollection is that there was a flat(ish) path along the west side of the lake for at least a bit (definitely research this) but I ended up climbing up to a higher path that wouldn’t be suitable. If you have a chance while your MIL is doing something else I do recommend climbing to the top of a fell (hill) – I climbed the one near Ambleside on my first night there and the view was stunning.

      Have a wonderful time!!

      Reply ↓
      1. Going Underground*

        Thank you, that’s really useful information to have – I’m not interested in Beatrix Potter (but the rest of the party may be), and would definitely be more interested in visiting Wordsworth’s house.

        I think we may take it in turns to do something individually with MiL whilst the others go off and explore/hike as it would be a shame to go that far and not see the most spectacular views.

        Thanks for your reply, it’s appreciated.

        Reply ↓
  8. Not the White Lotus*

    Short version: Hoping for some advice on how to start a new adventure after being priced out of “our” spot.

    Long version: my daughter and I have been been vacationing at the same place for the past 6 years. We’ve stayed at the same complex each time, to the point that we grill dinner together several times a week and my kiddo has her own painted stick that graces the entrance to the pool.

    Unfortunately, we’ve been priced out.

    Prices were rising post-COVID, but twice I managed to make it work (although it was really getting to be a squeeze). Then the New York Times profiled the town, and shortly thereafter the first luxury hotel moved in. Suddenly the going rate at the hotels over the winter is now 1000 USD/night, and the price of everything else has skyrocketed accordingly. Even the owner of “our” little complex is seriously considering selling because the cost of basic groceries and services has gone haywire with the influx of moneyed Californians and New Yorkers.

    I’ve been running the numbers again and again, trying to figure out if there is some way I can make it work this year, and I just can’t see it, this year or any subsequent year.

    Clearly I need to make peace with the fact that this was a great place for us during a number of the years of our lives, but I am really struggling. My kiddo has her friends there, I have my favourite walking paths… I know there must be other great places out there, but none of them are *our great place*. Please help!

    Reply ↓
    1. Brave Little Roaster*

      Any chance you could rent an RV or camp in the area? But sorry to hear that your favorite spot has gotten so pricey!

      Reply ↓
    2. goddessoftransitory*

      Ugh, a thousand bucks a NIGHT? For that price there better be a full private musical performance put on in your room!

      Where have you always wanted to go but never gone? Not just fanciful stuff like “Antarctica,” but cities or tours, but you’ve been going here instead? Maybe another town could become a special place.

      Reply ↓
    3. Cheap ass rolling with it*

      I feel you.

      A decade ago, we got priced out of a favorite vacation place. What I did was focused on what I liked about the place, and then found a cheaper alternative. To make this more concrete, it was Maldives. It’s a romantic place with beautiful beaches. But what I liked about it best was snorkeling the coral reefs. So I found cheaper places which weren’t as luxurious but had healthy coral reefs. It was fun trying new places too. I eventually found a place. Of course, this year, I’m being priced out. And I’ll have to explore again next year.

      So think about what you liked about this town to select similar new places. Like they say in Amazing Race — “the world is waiting”

      Reply ↓
    4. Turtle Dove*

      That’s so frustrating. Could you stay overnight in a nearby town that’s more affordable and spend your waking hours in your favorite place? I know it’s not ideal, but that way your child could spend time with her friends, and you could enjoy your favorite walking paths. I have a favorite, sentimental place I like to visit a few times a year where accommodations became crazy expensive. Now I take day trips. Fortunately it’s just two hours away, so I can drive there and back in a day. But there are a few nearby towns that are much more affordable if I wanted to stay overnight.

      Reply ↓
    5. Two cents*

      Any chance your child’s friends are also priced out? That way you can maybe make plans with them somewhere else, so at least you have part of it to take with you…?

      Reply ↓
    6. A*

      I would plan a vacation doing something completely different.

      I think any place you go that is similar to this will pale in comparison.

      Reply ↓
  9. AJB*

    I have wavy hair. I’d love to do more to embrace and enhance my natural texture but all of the “curly girl” routines I see online just seem like SO MUCH. I prefer to wash my hair at night and my entire goal is to make things as easy and low maintenance as possible while still having hair that looks decent.

    Does anyone have product and/or routine suggestions?

    Reply ↓
    1. I didn't say banana*

      I’m a lazy curly girl! I wash my hair about once a week (none of this upside down stuff) but try to restrict the shampoo to the roots and leave the ends alone. I let it almost fully dry, put in some oil, then put it in a top bun with a big scrunchie. The next day ‐ big, pretty curls. I use supermarket products, whatever shampoo/conditioner/oil is on special.

      Reply ↓
    2. Bella Ridley*

      One of the biggest factors in curly hair is how it’s cut. If you want to embrace your curls, I’d try to find a salon that specializes in curly cuts, go to a stylist with good reviews, and explain to her exactly what you said here. The way layers are cut will make a world of difference in your curl pattern, especially by someone who knows what they’re doing. I have curly hair (3B/3C) that can pass for wavy if I have it cut straight around. When it’s cut properly, all the product in the world only makes about 25% of a difference. I normally blow out and straighten my hair for work anyway, but with the right cut, when I wash it and a handful of curling cream, my ringlets pop right back. And I don’t do anything other than wash it and scrunch some cream into it.

      Reply ↓
    3. Maestra*

      I also have wavy hair. I like JVN hair products, especially the air dry cream. I sleep on my hair wet which I think keeps it from getting too big like it usually does when it hair dries.

      I don’t like to put a lot of effort into it all either, to be honest and it mostly works out. With wavy hair, I never know what it will look like when it dries, so it’s a hope for the best situation and 75% of the time I think it goes ok.

      Reply ↓
    4. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Merida hair (curly and butt-length) here. I wash once a week, during which I shampoo the roots and condition the length, and wrap it in a microfiber towel for a couple hours before letting it air dry. I sleep in a silk bonnet and have it up in a nautilus bun most days. No products aside from the shampoo/conditioner. The sum total of my hair maintenance is about 45 seconds most days, and 15 minutes (plus two hours of not leaving the house with a towel on my head) on washing days. (If I’m exercising AND it’s hot, I may rinse my hair with lukewarm water in between wash days, but I am not dedicated enough to an exercise routine for that to happen often.)

      Reply ↓
    5. Sloanicota*

      Ha, I admit (as a curly haired girl) when a friend gets in to diva whatever, it’s like they joined a cult … NOT the most fascinating conversation, to me.

      Reply ↓
    6. tabloidtainted*

      I have a lazy routine (wash with any shampoo, rake through leave-in conditioner with my fingers, rake through gel with my fingers, microbfiber towel to squeeze out excess water, diffuse until dry)—but I could never get a routine to work unless I washed in the morning. My hair just doesn’t make it overnight, no matter how I sleep, unless it’s been fully set during the day. Sometimes I wash at night and reset in the morning, but that involves getting my hair completely wet in the shower.

      Reply ↓
    7. RagingADHD*

      I’ve been very happy with this 2x/week routine that blends in easily with the rest of my shower routine & doesn’t require a lot of extra time.

      Layered cut, of course.
      Finding the right shampoo that would get my scalp really clean without drying out my lengths helped a ton. For me, the right balance was Costco’s knockoff of Pureology shampoo.

      Then I scrunch in lots of conditioner and detangle in the shower while rinsing – only rinse about 75 or 80 percent out, then leave it a bit condition-y. Blot, then use a little bit of flaxseed & olive oil based hair gel. Eco Styler is super cheap – like $3.50 for a giant tub. Just a dab, rub it well between wet palms to distribute and crunch it in while the hair is still pretty damp.

      I usually do mine in the morning and let it air dry, but I’m going to try the top bun thing next time I wash at night.

      Sometimes I also do a leave-in conditioner and / or coconut oil spray before the gel. But that depends on the weather. If it’s humid, I leave them off.

      Reply ↓
    8. allathian*

      I wash my wavy hair at night with oil shampoo every 2 or 3 days and use a silicone scalp/shampoo brush in the shower because I can’tbrush my hair unless it’swet. Usually I shower right before bed, and put an absorbent towel on my pillow. If I stay up a bit longer, I wrap a towel on my head. Every few weeks or when my hair feels particularly dry I use a leave-in conditioner instead.

      Reply ↓
    9. TechWorker*

      Hi I’m exceptionally lazy! If I want it to look good worn loose then yeah it does have to be washed same day really. I’ve got a couple of curly hair sprays that give good results from putting in & then air drying (which is a faff but I only do it a few times a year & it is at least only one product). Otherwise if it’s long enough I have reasonable success with brushing & plaiting whilst wet. If I do this in the morning I have well controlled waves in the evening without any product so that’s my go to ‘routine’.

      Reply ↓
    10. Ellis Bell*

      I have wavy hair with a very irregular pattern (curly on one side) and my routine is very lazy. I wash my hair once a week, I use a low poo shampoo, (but one that still foams a little and leaves everything feeling clean), I use a masque as a conditioner because my hair is very coarse, leave in as long as possible then squish to condish. I use cotton cot sheets to wrap/blot my hair and then Umberto Gianni gel to scrubch some curls in, then some more to make a frizz prevention cast (If I put anything heavier on I get greasy hair, but I’ve had good results with home-made flaxseed gel). Then I tend to braid it wet because my hair responds well to soaking in the moisture, as well as it making the pattern more regular. This bit is very CG unorthodox but if it’s cold or wintery I set the style with a hairdryer blast or dryer hood. I unbraid two sleeps later for the waves/curls.

      Reply ↓
    11. Charley*

      Hard relate! I have wavy but very thin hair and would love the curls to hold better, but I also know I can’t keep up a multi-step hair routine.

      The best thing my hair ever looked was the two years I lived on the Gulf Coast – I miss that humidity.

      Reply ↓
      1. Sloanicota*

        Yeah honestly, as someone whose hair is VERY curly when it’s humid, and can be either flat or a ball of frizz, my “real” curl advice is: if I want to look nice, I take a shower about an hour before I need that to happen, and use a little gel or something to hold back the frizz parade, but just let it air dry after combing it once. If that’s not the situation, perhaps madame would prefer a ponytail … ?

        Reply ↓
  10. Lilian Field*

    Can I ask for advice about a social problem? I’m autistic, and I’m trying to get better at making positive casual friendships. I sometimes have a hard time figuring out how to develop closeness in a relationship without oversharing. I’m ok at small talk: I can be funny, put other people at ease, find surface-level common ground, etc. I also have some people that I’m really really close to, that I could tell almost anything. (Those people are generally also disabled and deal with chronic illness.) I’m having a hard time finding a good “social middle,” though. By “social middle,” I mean the kinds of things that you might discuss with a person that you know a little bit but not much–a friendly acquaintance that you might want to be friends with, but that you also don’t want to scare off by oversharing. Part of my problem is that I don’t have much of a life. I have a ton of serious health problems, I have a lot of accommodations to plan around (most of which are invisible), and I’m a bit of a workaholic, and kind of have to be in order to keep my job. But I don’t have the kinds of hobbies, travel, etc., that I think a lot of people discuss with their casual friends. I have a dog, houseplants, and an interest in helping other autistic people with higher needs than I have, but not much more than seems “safe” to discuss. I’m kind of a nerd for all different kinds of religion and spirituality. I’m also a lesbian, but I came out very late in life, so I don’t have a lot of queer friends, and I would like to make more. I would really like to make friends who are good at things I’m bad at, and maybe vice versa, but I don’t know how to make complementary friendships.

    I’m starting a kind of therapy called “RO DBT,” which has a really good tool for getting to know people better. It’s called “Match + 1,” which teaches that you should basically meet another person’s level of disclosure, and consider moving up one “level” of intimacy, but not more than that, in order to avoid oversharing. The problem is that I find some of the levels kind of hard to master, partly because I feel like most of my life is too complicated/”sad” to share casually, and partly because I don’t know what to talk about after small talk but before “oversharing.”

    Does anyone have advice? Thank you!

    Reply ↓
    1. Forensic13*

      Would it help to think about why you want to do this? Is it to practice the skill in general? To have more friends who don’t have to the level of perhaps more tiring emotional interaction? Something else?

      This might help you narrow down your goal and structure the options more.

      Like, if I were going to practice the skill for skill’s sake, I would find a group that does one of the hobbies (plant group? Chatting with dog owners at the park?) and talk in-depth on those things as much as I could. That’s more than “how’s the weather?” talking, but hopefully not as easy about which to overshare.

      And then I think most “oversharing” is about avoiding strong negative emotions, at least not in a lot of detail. (For example: a dog’s death that you say as something you’re still dealing with, but not going blow-by-blow with the months up to the passing, talking about suffering, etc.)

      Hope this is helpful and not too “duh” advice; sorry if it is!

      Reply ↓
      1. Puffshroom*

        Yeah, I agree that the difference is more about the amount of sharing rather than the topics themselves. With my closest friends I can talk in detail about problems at work and expect quite a lot of commiseration and emotional support. With the social middle, I probably allow myself a couple of sentences about what a tough week it’s been, and then add a joke or a lighter comment (or change the subject or ask a question) to indicate I don’t expect the other person to do any emotional labour to help me with the problem. (And I’m wondering if noticing how much sympathising other people are doing might help??)
        I’m a Brit so social norms might be different, but I’m not interested in too much conversation about hobbies I don’t share. It might provide 5 or 10 minutes of material but, even if the hobby sounds cool, I probably won’t know enough about it to ask many meaningful questions. I don’t look for people who have cool or interesting hobbies (or lives!) to befriend – I want to be friends with people who share an interest with me, or who have a similar outlook on life, or a similar sense of humour, or who I just happen to get on with. So I feel like a lot of the social middle stuff is a kind of conversational trial and error to try to see if we can land on a good conversation we can both enjoy. So I guess I offer up snippets of information about me and my life (e.g. what I do, how I got into it, what I like about it, what I’ve been doing lately, what I think about the odd big news story, my latest fun achievement in a hobby, something I’ve seen coming up in the area that looks fun – but probably mostly conversation based on whatever situation I met this person at!) and just see what sparks an animated response from the other person.
        I’m a person people often describe as ‘bubbly’ and I think reasonably good at social interaction. But also I’m a bit of an oversharer (possibly ADHD!) and that means I find difficult to know what questions to ask other people (not all questions I would be more than happy to answer are likely to be received in the same spirit but I’m not quite sure where the line is). And that means I tend to just share my stuff and try to be non specifically encouraging to other people to share their stuff (by being very interested and engaged when they do, making sure to ask further questions, validate their feelings, not immediately change the subject back to myself). But also I’ve realised that I don’t need to be everyone’s cup of tea. I’m working hard on not prioritising making myself agreeable to everyone over being myself and finding the people who would like ME specifically. (And for the record, from the description of yourself, I’d love to have a chat and to hear more about all of it!)

        Reply ↓
        1. Ellis Bell*

          Haha, another ADHDer, thinking “Huh, people worry about over sharing huh? I definitely hold it in reserve as long as possible but if they share also, then I just wait for the inevitable word vomit and see if they’re good with it!”

          Reply ↓
          1. Sloanicota*

            Ha! I wonder if it would help OP to get granular about what “oversharing” generally is. To me, it means 1. Someone who talks the whole time without showing much interest in asking me any questions or listening to anything I say, or 2. Someone who gets much more ‘intimate’ than our relationship makes appropriate, for example, someone next to you on the plane telling you all about the death of their parent. So in both cases, it’s kind of about an equal exchange of intimacy, not a one-way exchange. Now I will say I’ve *been* that latter person in some really weird situations where somehow a kind (or at least polite) stranger is the ONLY person you want to process with. But I assume OP is wrestling with what “the relationship makes appropriate” part of that, which perhaps doesn’t feel intuitive?

            Reply ↓
            1. Puffshroom*

              Oooh yes, good idea with the granular discussion of what oversharing actually is. I think of it more as the too much intimacy than dominating the conversation. So one time I remember messing it up was when a work friend announced a pregnancy with not a huge gap between the kids – and I asked if that was intentional (just because I was thinking about having kids myself and was wondering about ideal gaps between siblings). Now I have kids I know much better than to ask about people’s reproductive choices (because I have a much better understanding of the difficult situations that could potentially be behind them), but also I’d be completely unbothered if someone asked me!
              I also think oversharing could be giving too much information about a topic – which is also a thing I need to watch out for! I have a tendency to want to give a lot of context and have a lot of thoughts and ideas about things. So I try to spread it around (ie talking to various people about the same thing) and join specific groups (virtual and in person) where I get the chance to go into great depth about an individual topic. (One of these spaces in particular has a lot of neurodivergent people and it’s amazing!) And as Ellis Bell said, just find people who are OK with some of it!!
              The word vomit is kinda fun in the moment, but actually then I feel disappointed if I come away without having learned much about the other person. So before meeting up, I try to think through the things I know about the person and their life recently, and remember to ask for more information. (How is X project at work going? How was your holiday to X? Did you manage to complete the home renovation you were working on? Or whatever) One of the things I find difficult with the social middle is remembering all the information they’ve told me from one interaction to the next, so I keep meaning to take notes!

              Reply ↓
      2. Lilian Field*

        This is a really great question, so thank you. I was so caught up in trying to do the activity as it was written that I didn’t really think about the bigger picture.
        I’m struggling a lot right now because I have lifelong problems with depression that I seem to manage very well, but never heal. I’m an academic and am probably a year or two from getting tenure at the university of my dreams, but it seems a bit empty/I feel if anything more depressed. I am only happy when I am home over the summers with my family, who are my most lasting friends. During the pandemic, while I was away on campus, I had a major health crash that became life-threatening partly because a) doctors couldn’t figure it out and b) it went untreated for so long. It was terrifying because I had no close friends to confide in about my “mystery illness.” Now I feel like my problem is only harder because health is one of those challenges that people are not supposed to talk about casually with everybody. I would like to have some pretty good friends in my area that I could mention medical problems to, at least in a bounded way. But I feel like sometimes I lose friends when I talk about my problems. Lots of my colleagues have had pretty sheltered lives, and while they are well-meaning, they don’t know how to talk to me about illness. But I have known them for ten years, and they have made lots of friendly gestures, so I want to have some friendly relationship with them beyond just dog pictures and comments about the weather. Also, another one of my life goals would be to find a partner. I used to be married (I left, for reasons not relevant here but pretty cut-and-dry), and I think I was a challenging partner because I was so socially dependent on my significant other but also such a workaholic. I’d like to be a better partner one day in this area. Basically, I’m just lonely a lot, which I think is a common adult/midlife problem for some, and I think it’s the biggest challenge I face in my life, and I want to work on it post-tenure, but I don’t know exactly how. I might even be misidentifying all the problems. It’s just that this “RO DBT” seems like it will help me, so I’ve been trying to work on the skills.
        Thank you again.

        Reply ↓
        1. JSPA*

          “I want to share about something specific that’s tough in my life” is a hard launching point for friendship. IMO, it’s more often a reason to find people dealing with that issue on the internet… joining an IRL group that seems focused on related topics (though in this case, a wellness group always has risks of being a front for an MLM or wellness-cultitude behavior)…or getting mentally ok with being the person asking others for help in a “need services” sort of way. (Which can be extra hard if you see yourself as the person who offers support for others! But we all sometimes need some, and being able to give some, doesn’t mean you don’t concurrently need some.)

          Wanting friends is ideally not about what you want to tell a hypothetical friend (especially if there are some aspects of needing to trauma-dump?).

          If you’re wanting to see the world from different eyes, feel the spark of “this person seems to get me, and I feel like I get them,” learn about interests you’d never have thought to delve into yourself, then the “how” details of talking to other people get much easier.

          Something (always) tough in your life? Make a shrugging gesture, say, “ugh, not a great week, to be honest…but how about you, any notable bright spots?”

          Reply ↓
          1. Lilian Field*

            Yes, I understand. I think maybe my question was unclear. I am trying to figure out how to get to be better friends with people who are already casual friends, so that eventually…with time and luck…they could become good/close friends. I am not trying to figure out how to share deep personal information with new friends right off the bat. I am more trying to figure out how to grow new friendships from old acquaintanceships, over time.

            Reply ↓
        2. Colette*

          So some things to think about:
          – is the information you’re sharing putting a burden on the person you’re talking to? For example, talking about serious health problems or death are things people aren’t comfortable talking about; it’s fine with someone you’re really close with but not with someone you’re just getting to know. More accurately, something like “I’m going to take the stairs because my knee is hurting” is fine, wherease something like “I have to take the stairs, my knee is hurting and thet doctors don’t know what is going on, I had test X last week and I think my doctor is going to send me for Y. I don’t know what I’m going to do if she does, I don’t have someone who can pick me up.” In the second case, I’m thinking “does she want me to pick her up? Because I don’t know her name, I just talk to her at the gym sometimes.”

          – are you matching the level of intimacy in the conversation, but also the level of committment? i.e. “Hey nice talking with you” is different than “This was great! You’ll be here tomorrow, right? We can sit together again. Workout buddies!”

          Reply ↓
          1. Lilian Field*

            The problem right now is that I don’t share medical information at all, because I only have casual friends. I am trying to figure out how to deepen the existing friendships I have, which are pretty casual/superficial, without jumping right to sharing medical information. I want to figure out how to build close friendships over time in socially appropriate ways. The problem is that my life doesn’t really lend itself to deepening friendships, if that makes sense. I have no problem making superficial friends, and I don’t share medical information with those people, as a rule, because it would be inappropriate. I just don’t know how to start turning casual friendships into deeper friendships so that maybe one day I would have close friends.

            Reply ↓
    2. Flower*

      If you don’t get a lot of replies (as it’s late on Saturday, and sometimes on Sunday people don’t read over the already-posted comments), please do post again next Saturday, early in the day.

      I have trouble with this too, and am not on the spectrum. It is hard to talk to strangers and make friends.

      Reply ↓
        2. Sloanicota*

          I did think “oh no, is the day the open thread posts considered too late now??” because honestly I rarely am around to check it on Friday night so I’d hate to think I’ve already “missed the boat” by Saturday morning.

          Reply ↓
    3. Sloanicota*

      Honestly, I think a lot of people do cultivate a “social” interest that they might be less passionate about if it wasn’t good for casual conversation. It might be making sure to watch the popular show (if you like it) or keeping up with that local sports team. Or making a point to see the latest movie or whatever. It’s good to have a few such topics in your back pocket to poke around and see if any of them land on a shared interest and can spark conversation. One thing that can be awkward if they have a “small life” is to be one of those people who CAN’T pick up *any* of the common topics. The other person may trail off, feel uncomfortable, and start looking for the exit if you can’t throw them a rope. But you do have pets, and that’s a common one! Talking about your cat / asking other people about their pets (cough kids cough) is an easy starter. I even have people start talking about a pet in their life, not even their pet, sometimes, and that works too! Just something I’ve seen work.

      Reply ↓
    4. Double A*

      Most of your comment is about you sharing, but I think your guide in those middle social situation should be to listen more than you talk. Not just so you can gauge where the other person is, because so much of over sharing is really about quantity over quality. I’ll mention some fairly personal things in those middle social spaces but I don’t spend a ton of time on them for the most part.

      Reply ↓
      2. Sloanicota*

        I think you could almost break down middle situations into some “rules” that would help: 1. Don’t hold the floor for more than, what, 3-5 minutes without asking a question and giving the other person a chance to speak? (sounds short but that’s actually quite a long monologue to the other person I’d say – if that’s hard to keep track of due to ADHD-like issues, maybe you can try “one or two sentences” … and if you know you ramble, perhaps keep it to one or plan out and practice some shorter sentences). 2. Listen when the other person talks, and make your next comment/question relevant to what they said. 3. Since you are taking turns talking, and if the other person doesn’t take their turn, recognize that it might be time to wrap up. Maybe you can picture it with something like a chess clock.

        Reply ↓
      3. Lilian Field*

        Because I’m a professor and advisor I’m a pretty good listener; it’s 80% of my job. :) So I think I do an ok job of that part. I do agree with you. It’s just that I have a reputation of being quiet to a fault, and that’s what I’m working on.

        Reply ↓
        1. Sloanicota*

          Interestingly, I doubt you have any problem with oversharing at all! It sounds like you’re concerned this will happen, but are pretty far from that being a reality right now! If you just want to “appear” more friendly (but are actually comfortable the way you are!) that’s okay too! And sorry if we misunderstood your question here.

          Reply ↓
    5. Honoria Lucasta*

      One of the things I think you can do about oversharing is not go too far in depth. There are socially acceptable ways to hint at something without turning it into a long story. You don’t have to tell the entire tale of coming to discover your sexual orientation, for example; you can just say “oh, I’m actually not into men.” or you could say something like ” I’m actually exploring X religious practice” and then add a piece of trivia about it and it isn’t trying to give people the whole backstory of the world from your perspective as much as it is sharing a tidbit of interesting information.
      thinking about things that way saves you from having to find middle ground material. Middle ground is more of a style than a content focus, and it often focuses more on the what/when than on the why and how questions. This is a thing! This time of year is connected to the thing! It’s much more socially acceptable than “let me tell you why I feel a certain way.”

      You might practice thinking about ways of telling your story at different levels. some of them may not feel completely authentic because they blur or elide uncomfortable facts, but you have to remind yourself that your story has to be earned through trust from the other person and that kind of blurring is not lying. To take a generic example, you might think of several different levels coming out as: “I had a hard childhood” vs “my mom wasn’t a very nice person” vs “My mom had some problems with substances” vs ” my mom was a drug addict” vs “my mom abandoned me.”

      Reply ↓
      1. Sloanicota*

        That is a great point. I think it’s also easy for some of us to “overdo” it on even neutral content if we have great enthusiasm for a special interest topic. You can those add to the list of topics to be careful around with people you just met … I know when I start talking about my pets, I hear a little alarm in my head saying “pull up, pull up” because I know I start sounding like a weirdo pretty fast (especially on dates, I had to work on just saying, “I have two cats! How about you?”).

        Reply ↓
    6. FD*

      Hello from a fellow autistic lesbian!

      Very broadly–dog and houseplants are both good ‘middle ground’ topics, IME. Also, people in that range of connection tend to spend a lot of time talking about their weeks/time. This is a pretty evergreen conversation topic–it changes every week–but it’s not too personal. Generally speaking, talking about work or a strange thing you saw at the store is a lighter topic than talking about medical stuff.

      That said, making social connections with no specific focus to lubricate the interactions is a lot harder. I know your time is very limited, but have you explored online spaces at all? You need to find ones that are queer-friendly, but I find it’s easier to figure out how to respond when you don’t have to respond so instantly. For example, I’m in the Discord servers for a couple of science/ecology podcasts I like listening to, and the percent of neurodivergent and queer people in those servers is much higher than the general population.

      In addition, I don’t know if you have *time* for this, but it might help to join a group where you have a built-in activity. That makes it easier to get conversations going and keep them going, since you can fall back to talking about the activity. Even if it’s just once a month, that can be a way to dip your toe in to doing in person social without too much of a commitment. Depending on where you live, you may have LGBTQ groups that put on social events or fundraisers–that might be a place to start. Look for events that sound like they’d be fun even if you don’t end up making any friends–that way it’ll be worth it no matter what. (And by events, I don’t necessarily mean things like shows which can be a little loud and overwhelming to me, though I don’t know how things manifest for you. I mean things like book clubs or coffee meetups.)

      Reply ↓
  11. Jackalope*

    Reading thread! Share what you’ve been reading and give or request recs.

    I just finished Jasad Heir by Sara Hashem. It was a fantasy (YA? Not sure) about a young woman who was the heir of a now destroyed kingdom. Everyone believes she’s dead, and she’s trying to live a normal life. But it’s hard to leave the political stage completely when you’re the heir…. I enjoyed it, and would recommend, although it’s a hair on the long side.

    Reply ↓
    2. Clara Bowe*

      I just finished Cher, Part one (by Cher) and had a really nice time with it. Cher is completely herself and it is a really nice read. It is fluffy and delightful, but with flashes of depth. If you like Cher, you’ll likely enjoy the book!

      Reply ↓
    3. Zephy*

      I found a coffee mug in a thrift store last year that was merch for that book – it’s glass and decorated with pictures of figs(?) and a goose, with the words “She had the temperament of a deranged goose” around the rim. Maybe I’ll try to track it down, now that someone has confirmed it’s real, LMAO.

      Reply ↓
  12. Jackalope*

    Gaming thread! Share what you’ve been playing and give or request recs. As always, all games are welcome, not just video games.

    I just started Spiritfarer this week, and am tentatively enjoying it so far. I don’t really have the mechanics down yet and so sometimes I’ve gotten frustrated, but I think it will be fun once that part’s done.

    Reply ↓
    1. The Dude Abides*

      MtG – picked up some nice retro foils from INR and more pieces for Plagon (prison-y cEDH).

      Video games – found a decent emulator and ROM for Ocarina of Time. Using the keyboard has been…ok, but for sure the movement isn’t as “tight” when using the slingshot. Have a 3P controller (miadore) in my cart on Amazon for my next order.

      Reply ↓
    2. hummingbird*

      Any rec for a cozy phone/browser game but not Stardew Valley or the shop owner type them? They’re just not calling to me.

      Also, any card or board games that can be played with 2 people?

      Thanks :)

      Reply ↓
      1. ThatGirl*

        We have soooo many two player tabletop games – some can be played with more but are good for two.

        I recommend:
        Hive
        Forest Shuffle
        Dorf Romantik
        Nmbr 9
        Ingenious

        Reply ↓
      3. Puffshroom*

        I have a two for one recommendation – Patchwork is a two player board game that also has a great mobile app adaptation! For other tabletop games, I really like Jaipur, agree on Hive, and have also just discovered Sky Team which I love (it’s a co-operative game where you have to work together to land a plane). There are also plenty of games that can have more players but work well with 2 – I’d say Azul and Kingdomino would fit that bill. (Azul just brought out a two player specific version but people don’t seem that impressed when the original works fine with two!) Also, if you want to try some out before buying, I really recommend playing on Boardgamearena dot com – you need a subscription to host certain premium games but you don’t need it to join the game (ie if a pair or group want to play together, only one person needs to have premium) and the subscription is $5 a month. It’s got most games that you might want to try so a great way to give things a go. (So I’ve only ever played Hive, Kingdomino and Sky Team online!)

        Reply ↓
      4. hummingbird*

        @ ThatGirl, The Dude Abides
        Thanks! These all look like great suggestions! I want them all lol

        Puffshroom bonus thanks as Patchwork would be a good gift idea. Good to know about board game arena.

        Reply ↓
  13. Warm Housewarming*

    This is the first week that I’ve actually lived in my new rented townhouse. The house is fairly small with a living room and kitchen/dining area on the first floor and then 2 bedrooms and a bath on the second floor. The front of the house faces south. I had planned to use the smaller upstairs bedroom (that also faces south) as my work-from-home office, but I’ve discovered that it gets fairly hot in the afternoon and is kind of uncomfortable. At the same time, the kitchen on the first floor (and facing north) is actually kind of chilly. The thermostat is on the first floor on the wall between the living room and the kitchen/dining area. Any suggestions about making the front bedroom a bit cooler and more comfortable? Do you think I should move my office into the larger back (north-facing) bedroom?

    Reply ↓
    1. *daha**

      If you’ve got forced-air heat, close some/all of the louvers in your office. Put heat-blocking film on the office windows.

      Reply ↓
    2. Poquito Gordito Pinguino*

      We have a nest thermostat and an additional sensor. The thermostat is located downstairs and the sensor upstairs. Its easy to switch back and forth on the nest ap between sensor or thermostat so you can easily move the sensor to the room you are in and then set the furnace/air con to the temperature you want where you are located. Sensor is very small and portable.

      Reply ↓
    3. Reba*

      Yes, if it’s not too hard, I would move the office. The north exposure will be good for soft steady light all day.
      Drapes and or cell blinds can also make a big difference in temps as well as light.

      Reply ↓
    4. Not A Manager*

      Yes, move the office, especially if most of your time in the bedroom is in the evenings/early mornings.

      Reply ↓
    5. Bobina*

      Depends how much you like the heat or not. I have the same situation and like it because it means I can save on heating in the winter because the office gets warm without me needing to have the heat on while in the summer my bedroom is always cool. I get around the heat by just opening doors/windows as needed (I’m in the UK where air-conditioning is not a thing in most homes).

      Reply ↓
  14. Warm Housewarming*

    Second Question. I’m going to have to buy a new washer and dryer. Does anyone have any suggestions? My previous rental had a high-efficiency washer and I often had to wash my clothes a second time, just to get the detergent to rinse out. (And I did not use a lot of detergent!) Parts of my clothes never got wet in the first place.

    Due to the way the space is configured I will have to get a side-by-side washer and dryer. There are shelves and cupboards in the laundry area above where the washer and dryer would go and there isn’t enough vertical room to have a stackable dryer and washer.

    I’m going to do some research in Consumer Reports and I’m thinking about ordering something from Costco who will install them for me. Has anyone had any experience in ordering a washer and dryer from Costco? The reviews I’ve read are generally positive, but a fair number of people seem to have had problems with the appliances being dented during shipment and then having to wait for replacements. Any advice would be appreciated.

    Reply ↓
    1. New Name Needed*

      We got our LG washtower from Costco and had no issues. My parents have the side by side LG machines and have been happy with them!

      Reply ↓
    2. One foot in sea*

      Speed Queen for the washer and dryer. Old school, top loading washer that gets clothes clean. They are impossible to kill. Probably not available at Costco, but there will be an independent appliance shop nearby that will deliver and install.

      Reply ↓
      2. RLC*

        Speed Queen, absolutely! When we bought our set (13 years ago) the sales clerk told us that the absence of the coin mechanism is the only difference between residential units and smaller commercial units. They cost as much as the high tech brands but without the complicated technology (and headaches).
        We bought ours from a local appliance shop.

        Reply ↓
    3. Eff Walsingham*

      We got a new Samsung top loader washer at our last place, and I would like to *NOT* recommend Samsung. Our clothes were coming out gritty! and we don’t use powdered detergent, so that wasn’t the cause. We were also annoyed by its lengthy musical sequence announcements, but that’s more of a personal peeve.

      Reply ↓
      1. No Tribble At All*

        Seconding the “overly complicated Samsung appliances but good Costco delivery” experience

        Reply ↓
    4. My Brain is Exploding*

      We got a Maytag Commercial high efficiency top loader. It’s doing great. (Note that many high-efficiency washers do a great job spin-drying and you may find dry spots.) Friend who used to own a laundromat says Speed Queen.

      Reply ↓
    5. Ginger Cat Lady*

      Important tip may people don’t realize about top loading HE washers with no agitator:
      You still need to load the washer like there was an agitator (leave a hole in the middle so you can see the bottom of the drum) or the sensor won’t work right and you’ll have issues with stuff not even getting wet or still being sudsy.
      I paid $129 for a repairman to tell me that, but for you guys, I’m sharing it for free.

      Reply ↓
      1. Cathy Lynn*

        Thank you. Our new machine doesn’t have an agitator and have noticed some of the things don’t seem to have gotten wet.

        Thank you for not charging for that information.

        Reply ↓
    8. I don’t post often*

      Our beloved hand me down don’t know how old it was washer just… gave up one day. It was full of water and wet clothes. It was two days before vacation and we had a sick dog. Both husband and I were on big work projects working a ton of hours before vaca. I handed my dad $600 and said “whatever is cheapest that looks like it works”.
      He bought the second tier (not the bottom that you would put in a rental house) and it has worked fine ever since. Lowe’s delivered and set up. There are no bells and whistles, nothing fancy. I recommend getting a lower model because there is simply less stuff to break or go wrong.

      The rest of my family has speed queens and loves them.

      Reply ↓
    9. Reba*

      I have the Miele set (LOVE but I am admittedly a laundry nerd), previously had the Bosch in a rental (also good), and ten years ago had an LG set (pleased). The European ones *look* way smaller than the others but are functionally not, or not by much.

      Reply ↓
    10. Imtheone*

      I’ve had the problem with appliances coming dented from replacing things on warranty. The fridges just had so little packing material. It took at least three tries.

      Reply ↓
    11. Alan*

      We love our Bosch washer/dryer. We’ve had them for about 5 years now and just had our first repair (minor), a bunch of buildup in a dryer water filter. Tech just said we need to do better on the maintenance. Our Bosch dishwasher has also been going strong for almost 15 years. Their stuff is expensive but IMO is paying for itself over time.

      Reply ↓
    12. Hyaline*

      My basic Maytag set is a workhorse. About a decade and going strong despite a very active family with tons of laundry (also survived cloth diapering!). I have the mindset that fewer bells and whistles in a washer is better—fewer things to break.

      Reply ↓
    13. Girasol*

      We had agitator washers for years then got a front loader. It cleaned everything so much better but cost a bundle and died young. Now we have a Whirlpool HE that I love. It was inexpensive compared to front loaders and other HEs but it cleans as well as the front loader. It’s great for everyday loads but also does quilts and sleeping bags. It’s probably ten years old now and going strong.

      Reply ↓
  15. Look For The Light*

    I’ll be doing a last minute trip to Amsterdam in two weeks. Any recommendations on what to see? The Anne Frank House is at the top of most recommendation lists but it’s too late for tickets. Will be coming in the day after King’s Day so it will be the post-party scene. Any recommendations would be welcome.

    Reply ↓
    3. My Brain is Exploding*

      Eat at a rijstattfel restaurant. Kind of an Indonesian tapas, except you pay one price and get around 15 courses. Can’t remember where I went, so do a bit of research.

      Reply ↓
      1. Bobina*

        Absolutely this. Don’t know where you’re coming from but Indonesian food is one of the best things about the Netherlands (those colonial perks I guess).

        Also if you want to skip the crowds, take a train to Utrecht, Haarlem or Delft and you can still get quaint experience without feeling like everywhere is a tourist trap. And if you want an entirely different experience, go to Rotterdam for one of the cooler (but more modern) cities.

        Reply ↓
    5. Fellow Traveller*

      The Straat Museum! It’s a street art museum with a rotating exhibit. Sometimes you cn watch artists working on their murals. You can take the ferry there, which is fun.
      Also Our Lord In The Attic is a nice off the beaten path museum.
      If you like food, I highly recommend the Hungry Bird Food Tour. Informative and tasty.

      Reply ↓
    6. I take tea*

      I have never been, but if I ever travel to Amsterdam in the spring, the Keukenhof garden is on the top of my list. They did a series of virtual tours during the height of the Covid lockdown and it was breathtaking.

      Reply ↓
    7. Mutually Supportive*

      I’ve never been but a friend yesterday was showing me pictures from “the body museum”. I’m not sure of the proper name but it looked absolutely fascinating and now I want to go there too!

      Reply ↓
    8. Lemonwhirl*

      If you have time, I highly recommend taking a cycling tour out to see the windmills. The Yellow Bike Company have a day trip that uses e-bikes, and it’s a great, easy way to see the countryside and the windmills are really cool. My teenager and I did it last summer, and it was easily the highlight of our trip.

      Reply ↓
    9. Why does my name keep getting forgotten?*

      Quite enjoyed day trips to the Zaanse Schans area (walk around and visit windmills, shops, and multiple museums – note that most of the museums are very small, located as part of shops) and to the Keukenhof Gardens (this contains both outdoor gardens and indoor garden displays, and tulip fields you can look out on – you’ll be there at the perfect time for it!).

      Reply ↓
    10. Helvetica*

      If you have the time, I recommend Keukenhof just outside of Amsterdam – it is THE tulip garden. Even as someone not so interested in gardening or florals, it is beautiful and really awe-inspiring.

      Reply ↓
    11. c-*

      Walking tour around the old city! And there’s often an open market around “blood street” (can’t remember the Dutch spelling) that’s great for food. If you like flowers, make sure to visit the flower market. Have fun!

      Reply ↓
    12. Alan*

      Everyone else is already recommending our favorite things (walking around the town, Van Gogh Museum, Keukenhof). It’s a wonderfully walkable city (with a wonderful airport — efficient, many connections). Have fun!

      Reply ↓
    13. Decidedly Me*

      Seconding a lot here. The Rijksmuseum is great. Straat is awesome. I also really enjoyed the Moco Museum. I did a ebike tour to Zaans Schanse with Those Amsterdames and highly recommend both that tour and company. Try a Dutch pancake!

      Reply ↓
  16. Bluebell Brenham*

    Murderbot trailer – weigh in here! I have been apprehensive about the casting of Alex Skarsgard- I wanted a more androgynous actor. But the rest of the casting seems cool and the Sanctuary Moon bit killed me! Definitely looking forward to it!

    Reply ↓
    1. Daisy*

      Yes, seeing the trailer made me realize I pictured Murderbot as more female-coded. All the Skarsgards are pretty good though, so I’m more than willing to give it a shot. I wonder if it will change my mental image of the books now.

      Reply ↓
      1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        I also completely read Murderbot as female-coded and kind of loved that. (“Women who kick ass” is a preferred movie genre in our house.)

        Would also have preferred an androgynous casting so we wouldn’t really read the character as one or the other. In the book Murderbot doesn’t have any gender or sex-related parts.

        For me there’s too much emotion in the voice, too. Murderbot can choose to use a calming voice or whatever when needed but that to me meant they have a pretty flat affect otherwise. Murderbot doesn’t care, Murderbot doesn’t want to talk to humans about feelings.

        I now need to reread all of Murderbot for the sheer joy. It’s been quite a while. I don’t have Apple TV so I won’t be watching.

        Reply ↓
    3. FD*

      Hrmmm…less of a disaster than I was expecting. Seems like they added Marvel-esque quippiness, which I don’t love. Feels a bit jarring with Murderbot’s deadpan snark. The Sanctuary Moon part was good and Murderbot’s reaction to the sudden presence of hazardous fauna was good. Not sure what I think of the Preservation Aux team so far, it’ll depend on if they sell the relationships.

      Also, the Murderbot in my head is more androgynous. There’s an animatic that nails the vibe in my head–I will post a link.

      Reply ↓
    4. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I always had Tilda Swinton in my head for Murderbot. Of the Skarsgaard gents, I think I’d have picked Bill over Alex, but we shall see. I didn’t know they were doing a show at all until I saw it mentioned in this thread last night, heh.

      Reply ↓
      1. Bluebell Brenham*

        My three top casting choices would have been Tilda (though a bit older than I’d prefer), Liv Henson, and Vico Ortiz.

        Reply ↓
    5. word nerd*

      Agreed that I would have liked a more androgynous actor. Sanctuary Moon was probably my favorite part in the trailer. I’ll at least try out the first episode!

      Reply ↓
    6. Phoebe*

      I read the first Murderbot book years ago. I remember thinking I was going to love it, but then never read the next book, so I guess I didn’t like it as much as expected.

      The trailer looks funny though. I’d subscribe to Apple just to watch that. :)

      Reply ↓
    7. Teapot Translator*

      I agree with you! I’m not sold on Alex Skarsgard as Murderbot, but I will sign up for Apple TV once the whole series is out to watch it.

      Reply ↓
    8. Vivi*

      I think the actor’s voice bothers me more than the face. I don’t know if it is the way of speaking the lines or what. Took me a few viewings to accept it but I began liking its eyes by the end of the first viewing.

      Apprehensive about the trailer’s tone as well – too Marvel-y. I would say that Gurathin’s casting didn’t help in that apartment but I am actually really excited about that actor.

      As a final thought, I am not sure the trailer made much sense without having read the book and the viewer already knowing Murderbot’s adversion to showing its face and having eye contact.

      Reply ↓
      1. Vivi*

        I realise this sounds quite negative but I am actually looking forward to seeing it! Apparently the first season is the first book so there will be some padding and checking IMDB the names of the characters don’t entirely match up with the names of the characters in the book, either, so I expect changes in those interactions with Murderbot as well. Cautiously optimistic. If nothing else, the show will introduce a lot of people to the books who might not have heard of them before. I know I only heard of them here in this forum.

        Reply ↓
  17. Just a name*

    I need a recommendation for a huge blanket. I have a king sized bed that is 16 inches high. I want a blanket (cotton or cotton blend) preferably, that won’t shrink and will cover the entire bed top to bottom and side to side down to the bottom of the mattress. It was hard enough finding a coverlet/quilt. I can’t do anything with down due to allergies. Even hypoallergenic down ruins me. I even take my own sheets to Europe because they only have down. I like a nice waffle weave but will really do anything that I can wash and dry without shrinkage. Thanks.

    Reply ↓
    2. tab*

      I don’t know about blankets, but when I bought a bedspread for my guest room, the largest dimension was from LLBean.

      Reply ↓
    3. Kay*

      Custom made is what I found to be the best option. I think mine is silk and linen, and since I thought we would use it but my husband hates it I now have a very large custom duvet & cover that we don’t use I would love to sell it, but, alas.

      Reply ↓
      1. Clisby*

        That’s where I’d start. I see an all-cotton herringbone weave blanket – king measures 108 in. wide, 90 inches long.

        Reply ↓
  18. Roll top backpack*

    In 6 weeks I will be flying cross-country (in the US), which I haven’t done for 6 years, and I think I’d do better with a backpack as my carryon than a rolling bag.

    I’ve narrowed it down to a roll top with a laptop sleeve and at least one external pocket. From what I’ve seen, a good size would be 22 to 26 liters. I don’t want to spend $$$ on a high-end model designed for outdoor activities, but it doesn’t have to be the cheapest thing. I’ll keep using it afterwards mainly as a handy way to tote my laptop.

    I would really appreciate recommended brands and models, because the choices are overwhelming and I don’t have any experience with this kind of backpack to guide me.

    Reply ↓
    1. Almost Academic*

      A lot of folks (myself included) like Cotopaxi, if that’s in your budget and you’re okay with bright colors!

      Reply ↓
      1. Retired Accountant*

        I LOVE my Cotopaxi backpack (35 liter). I love the clamshell design, which I use with packing cubes, I love the various pockets and I love that I can get everything for a long weekend in it. Some people can get everything for a week in it but I don’t pack light.

        If you Google Wirecutter – carry on backpacks the Cotopaxi is their favorite. It also comes in a 28L.
        But it might not work for the OP, as it wouldn’t be the best choice for just carrying a laptop after the trip. I have a traditional school style backpack that has a laptop sleeve but I wouldn’t use it as a carryon. Perhaps I am useless at answering the original question.

        Reply ↓
      2. Goose*

        I love love love my Calpack 26L. I travel a ton for work domestically and internationally and it’s become my go-to

        Reply ↓
    2. Jackalope*

      My favorite brand is Osprey – one of their day packs is really sturdy, made in such a way that you can fit a lot if you need to, and highly durable. (Not sure what counts as fancy for you, but I’ve used these for years and they love worked really well for me.)

      Whatever brand and design you go with, my strong general recommendation is that you find one that has a waist strap and a chest strap. The reason I say this is that the waist strap keeps most of the weight on your hips instead of your shoulders, so it’s MUCH less tiring to carry around for long periods of time, and the chest strap keeps it close to your body and stops it from leaning backwards.

      Reply ↓
      1. Alan*

        I didn’t use it for traveling, but for years I used (and loved) my Osprey Aether for backpacking. Really comfortable, with ventilation and like you said, great weight transfer onto my hips.

        Reply ↓
    3. Not A Manager*

      This is not what you’re looking for, but in case other people check out the thread: I purchased the Loveook brand 40L carryon backpack about a year ago and I love it. I wanted the largest backpack that would fit under the seat, so I could bring an additional roller bag for the overhead bin.

      It’s sturdy, it’s huge, it has a lot of convenient pockets, the straps are comfortable even when it’s fully loaded, and amazingly it actually does fit under the seat.

      Reply ↓
      1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        Thanks for evolving the thread. I need a new business-ish travel backpack, meaning lots of space, internal organization, laptop sleeve. I’d go for brighter colors if available. I like the looks of this one, although I want two water bottle pockets (one is for my coffee travel cup, the other for water bottle). If anyone knows of one along these lines that has that, drop a note please!

        Reply ↓
  19. Almost Academic*

    I attended my first Le Creuset FTT sale on Thursday, thank you to the commenter who recommended it! Had a blast.

    It made me think – there are such dedicated collectors and a whole culture has popped up around the sales (Le Creuchella crew) with their own community norms, events, language, etc. Super fun to explore, and I’m wondering what else I’m missing out on! What niche sub-communities exist in the world that you participate in? What are some of the non-obvious features, knowledge, or traditions that characterize the community?

    Reply ↓
    1. Poppy*

      My partner and I live in a Western state and love to stay in old decommissioned lookout towers, which you can rent through the forest service. I think we’ve done it six times in ten years but there are a ton of people who are way more intense about it! There’s a fb group for my state where people update each other about the road conditions, what the towers might need, etc. Of course there are people who just do it once or twice as well, but given how competitive they are to book, the people who are into it tend to be INTO it.

      Reply ↓
    2. Professor Plum*

      I just discovered a Reddit group r/jigsawpuzzles where people show the puzzles they’ve made, review them, talk about the brands they like/duslike and have a monthly contest with a theme and prizes. This month is any puzzle with flowers in it. I’d been picking up a puzzle here and there at thrift stores and now I feel like looking at them with new knowledge.

      Reply ↓
  20. Nora Seeker*

    Since there is the gaming thread here frequently, I assume at least a few people are video gamers. So I have a question for marketing of video games. I’m way more used to movie marketing, which is that once the teaser trailer releases, the movie will be coming out within a year. Video game trailers are so bizarre because they might release a teaser but they still might be two years or more from release. Jurassic Park Survival announced their game in 2023 but today released a photo from their studio of a whiteboard that looked like they were still storyboarding the narrative.

    The Last Of Us Part 2 teaser came in December 2016 but the game didn’t release until June 2020. The Judas announcement trailer came December 2022 and still doesn’t have a release date. At least the Okami 2 trailer had the decency to say it’s in early development so we know it will be several years. I’m just curious why the long wait. I know games take years to make, longer than films, but why announce them when you can’t promise a release date or even start preorders? I guess to build hype but then you have fans asking for years “Where is our game?” I guess this is all normal but does anyone know why it’s normal? It feels more frustrating than excitement to announce a project that is years from coming out. Movies don’t need to sting us along for that long.

    Reply ↓
    1. Daisy*

      There’s a whole social media industry built on game trailer analysis and hype. It’s not really my thing, but those channels / accounts / streamers are popular.

      I don’t know if the game companies take that into account at all, but I think many people would be disappointed and down lots of revenue without the long lead times.

      Reply ↓
    2. WS*

      Movies also tend to have a lot less content that a major game! Like, a movie will take you 2-3 hours to watch, and you might watch it a couple of times, but a big game could easily take you 200 hours or more. So there’s a lot more things to tease, and a lot of different angles (story, characters, scenery, gameplay, gimmicks, levels, weapons) and an entire fan (and pro!) hype culture based around the bits we get before the game arrives. Seeing what has changed from trailer to trailer and speculating on that is a whole thing in itself!

      Reply ↓
    3. Anima*

      Aren’t there also sometimes Beta testers and stuff? I was in the Beta for Tiny Glade about half a year before actual release, so having seen a trailer long before the game comes out might be useful for the people that can stand an unfinished game.

      Reply ↓
  21. goddessoftransitory*

    Fun question of the week: what specific thing do people on TV and in movies NEVER do correctly?

    For me it’s using an asthma inhaler–I have yet to see anyone using one right! By this I mean a rescue inhaler; the kind people reach for uber-dramatically to emphasize their fragile state. The problem is, with an actual inhaler, you first need to shake it and then puff, inhale, and HOLD for as long as you can, then repeat. The idea is to keep the medicine in your lungs long enough to do something.

    In every show/movie, the actor grabs for their inhaler, does two quick puffs in a row in under three seconds, then resume running a marathon/climbing a mountain/singing an aria or whatever requires the full lung capacity they did not give themselves at ALL.

    Reply ↓
    1. Double A*

      End a class realistically. Everytime there’s a school scene in a movie the teacher is just talking on obviously when the bell rings and then yelling about a major project as the kids leave. Teachers have their eyes on the CLOCK.

      Reply ↓
      1. Forrest Rhodes*

        Related: A bell ringing to end a college class. Never once did I take a college class that ended with a bell! (Usually we knew the class was about to end when the guys in the back of the room started packing up their notebooks, loudly.)

        Reply ↓
      3. Teacher Lady*

        The kids: We only have X minutes left.
        Me: I know.
        The kids: HOW DO YOU KNOW, the clock is behind you!
        Me: I just know, okay?

        Reply ↓
      4. Ellis Bell*

        My niece and her friend walked out of class without being dismissed last week; another student told the teacher they were ten minutes past hometime and the teacher retorted that he didn’t care, because he had a car and didn’t need to worry about missing the bus etc, like they do. As a teacher, this vignette told me two things; 1) that my niece has inherited spiciness, and 2) the teacher isn’t timing his lesson correctly and is basically just wasting their time long before the day officially ends. It was looked into by the school because correct dismissal is very, very important.

        Reply ↓
      5. Mimmy*

        As someone who is hard of hearing and hates trying to hear through that kind of chaos, this annoys me so, so much!

        Reply ↓
      1. Annie*

        More highlights:
        Medicine dosing: One Dose Fits All. Yes, most medicines have a “standard” dose that works OK for most intended recipients of a given category, e.g. adult men or medium dogs, but Hollywood tends to gloss over the details that would dictate a deviation from that dose in real life.
        See also: Wrong size needles, defibrillators used to solve problems they actually can’t, rare conditions that “look good” for a show get over-represented, effects of certain substances get exaggerated to an absurd degree
        Explosives and explosions: Lots of details get glossed over to get to the exciting parts.
        Martial arts: Media is usually making it up as they go along to put on a good show and to protect actors from each other.

        Reply ↓
        1. Angstrom*

          Explosions: Everything makes a giant orange fireball when it explodes.
          Hearing: People can be in a room with gunfire or explosions and hear normally immediately afterwards.
          Trauma care: The number of spies/soldiers/cops/etc. who apparently never had training in basic trauma care and do nothing or are hopelessly inept when someone is bleeding out.
          Where does all that light come from so you can see faces clearly when people are driving at night? Dash lights aren’t that bright.

          Reply ↓
          1. Reba*

            I constantly yell about this. Nobody puts pressure on the wound! They just like, lightly touch the blood! Why!

            Reply ↓
            1. Angstrom*

              Especially when their backstory is ex-Special Forces, and the best they can do is repeatedly stay “Stay with me, buddy!” Come on! In real life those guys are trained to take care of themselves and each other where medevac is impossible, and they’re damn good at it.

              Reply ↓
          2. KarenK*

            Agree about the gunshots! I discharged my 9 mil ONCE without ear protection and my ears rang until later that evening. And that was outside! I can’t imagine the damage after one of those inside fights.

            Reply ↓
      2. AnonRN*

        CPR: done wrong (TV never does it hard enough or fast enough, for actor safety) *and* with unrealistic results (almost no one who actually needed CPR is gonna pop up fully conscious and carry on with their day. Even if this person is one of the few, they’re going to have broken/dislocated ribs.)

        Reply ↓
        1. Jay (no, the other one)*

          Some journal (maybe NEJM?) ran an article years ago looking at the differences between CPR outcomes on TV and in real life. They looked at a scripted show (I think ER, back in the day) and a “reality” show (Rescue 911) and both had something like 90% of people who had CPR recovering completely without any issues. Real life is something like 10% outside of witnessed cardiac events and close to 0% for people with chronic illnesses, especially cancer.

          Reply ↓
    3. sswj*

      Almost anything to do with horses. You don’t just get off and walk away, you don’t tie them by the reins. Horses don’t whinny like dogs bark, and almost never do they make constant low nickers (unless you’re late with dinner!) You can’t just roll into most shows and enter a top level class. And the mishmash of gear that shows up is … interesting.

      Reply ↓
      2. GoryDetails*

        Re horses: some horses are trained to ground-tie, so one can just drop the reins and walk away. (I worked summers on a cattle ranch in Wyoming during college, and that was pretty standard for all the working quarterhorses.) Of course, if the horses were startled by something they could get pretty far away pretty quickly, but that wasn’t usually a problem.

        On the other hand, I did learn that the VAST majority of rounding up cattle involves slow walks for miles, with occasional bursts of frantic activity as the horse ducks and weaves to cut off an escaped heifer. Some films do show the long, dusty slog parts, but most seem to emphasize full-gallop chases or outright stampedes, and it isn’t usually like that!

        Reply ↓
    4. My Brain is Exploding*

      Not always, but sometimes you will see a doctor using an ophthalmoscope and looking thru it with her right eye into the patient’s left eye. Nope. You get close enough with one that you would be awkwardly close to kissing.

      Reply ↓
    5. Clara Bowe*

      Put their hair up for any task. I think the ONLY tv show I have ever seen do this is Life (NBC) from back in 2007. The main female lead started digging a hole and put her hair up in a bun ON CAMERA and I about passed out from shock.

      CSI was the worst offender, but there are SO MANY.

      Reply ↓
      1. Black Horse*

        One of my favorite scenes in “Contact” (the movie with Jodie Foster) was one in which she becomes suddenly engrossed with something and she absentmindedly coils her long hair up into a bun and jabs it with a pencil to keep it in place. I’ve absolutely done that in lab!

        Reply ↓
        1. Rogue Slime Mold*

          My husband’s family sails, and it is so difficult to be on a moving sailboat with long loose hair. Like you could film a comedic action scene based on someone constantly having hair across their eyes or in their mouth, and so unable to keep track of their opponent or monologue effectively.

          I just realized this is something I like on Dark Winds–Joe, Emma, and Bernadette all have long hair, but at work (2 cops, 1 nurse) they all tie their hair back. As anyone with waist-length hair doing those jobs does.

          Reply ↓
      4. goddessoftransitory*

        Oh, man, I watched that Joss Whedon show back in the day with Eliza Dushku, where she played a “blank slate” that could have different personalities downloaded into her, and she played this athlete/outdoorswoman who wore her hair long and loose while cross country hiking/running! I was SHRIEKING “hair tie! PUT YOUR HAIR UP!” at the TV while it hung in gross, sweaty strings in her face.

        Reply ↓
    6. Manders*

      TV shows never have characters drinking cups of coffee with liquid in them. They are always empty. I cannot figure out why they wouldn’t at least put water in them so they sit right in people’s hands and sound right when they are put down on a desk or counter.

      Reply ↓
      2. RagingADHD*

        Because actors will always, always, always spill anything you give them, and then you have to stop and blowdry their wet shirt, or have identical shirts for everyone to change into.

        Reply ↓
        1. Double A*

          Is there any reason they can’t weight them with something that won’t spill, like playdough or something?

          Reply ↓
    7. Alex*

      Playing the violin. I’ve seen so many times where an actor is supposed to be playing a violin, but the bow isn’t moving at all like it would need to be to be making the sounds that it supposedly is. Other instruments as well, but for some reason the violin is the one that really feels obvious.

      Reply ↓
      1. WS*

        With the violin it obvious because there’s nowhere to hide the actor! Actors who play drums for a movie really have to learn the drums to do it, so you’d think they’d throw in some violin lessons for violin players.

        The instrument that surprises me is piano, because you’d think that would be really easy to film and match to the music without showing the actor doing it badly. But no!

        Reply ↓
    8. I take tea*

      People looking for stuff on microfilm. They just twirl the button and miraculously find what they are looking for. No, it’s really slow and boring to painstakingly go through it. Now that historical newspapers are getting digitalized, the use of it in history research has increased enormously, because it’s so much easier.

      Reply ↓
      1. WS*

        I like this in the X-Files where it was slow and boring (and put in a montage) and they had to take travel sickness medication.

        Reply ↓
      2. Helvetica*

        I have always wondered how they can possibly find it in the speedy way, so thanks for confirming it is just TV Magic!

        Reply ↓
    9. The Prettiest Curse*

      Definitely agreed on inhaler use! I have an EpiPen (luckily I’ve never had to use it) and have never seen one used correctly on screen. There was an episode of Speechless where the husband had an allergic reaction and tried to inject it into his neck! I don’t think it would end well if you did that in real life.

      Reply ↓
    10. Helvetica*

      Ending a phone call wrong. They never say goodbye, never finish the conversation properly but just..put the phone away, sometimes almost mid-conversation. So rude!

      Reply ↓
      1. Hyaline*

        Related: making plans or a date that end the call, but it’s so vague it would be impossible for the date to actually work. “I’ll pick you up at seven.” “Ok but”—click—“do you even know where I live?”

        Reply ↓
    11. Josame*

      Wearing a sling! They always have their hand down by their waist, flopping around. A sling should support the injured arm and the hand should be higher than the elbow.

      Reply ↓
    12. Jay (no, the other one)*

      So many medical things. So very very many. I guess it’s not “never” but it’s so often…

      ORs do not have windows open to the general public in street clothes (I’m looking at you, Aaron Sorkin).
      Nobody comes out of open-heart surgery into a regular hospital room with just a nasal cannula for oxygen. They are in an ICU.
      People who are bleeding to death are not awake and coherent enough to tell you who killed them.

      I could go on….

      Reply ↓
    13. Texan in Exile*

      Run for office. So often, they say, “I am going to run for office!” and miraculously, the next day, their name is on the ballot. I know it’s not very dramatic to show someone walking door to door in the snow and rain to collect nominating signatures, but at least let there be a few months between the decision and the election so the candidate can meet the filing deadline. :)

      Reply ↓
      1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        A well-actually comment: I was recruited to run the week of the filing deadline. The party folks did a bunch of calling around to send everyone to the restaurant where I’d be sitting with the petition. People showed up and signed, met me (sometimes in that order), and I got enough signatures to qualify. Got the petition to the airport, they put it on the plane (they had a package delivery service–tiny regional airline–I’m not even sure this involved something like UPS but it was a long time ago), and at the other end in the capitol the person who had recruited me picked it up and took it to the secretary of state’s office before the deadline.

        (For the record, I won that seat, went on to another seat, lost reelection, later ran for another nonpartisan seat and won that. Nine years total in elected office. Filing was a lot less dramatic for those other races.)

        Reply ↓
  22. LipService*

    I really want to start dipping my toe into lip color- my current lip routine is a tin of Vaseline Rosy Lips that I smear on when I remember. Nothing too dramatic, just something to enrich the color and make them look hydrated/glossy. There’s so many types of lip makeup- I’m overwhelmed!

    Heres the thing- I NEVER remember to reapply lip color and it seems especially like the gloss/wet look I want needs to be re-applied constantly. I also can’t seem to keep color inside the lines even with a mirror- so applying without a mirror feels out of the question.

    I’ve tried a lot of items at Sephora- I’m wondering if the solution is applying a lip stain before I head out and layering it (when I remember) with a sheer gloss that I can re-apply without a mirror. A stain seems like a BOLD choice for my first foray at this so I also considered their sheer lipstick or pigmented gloss. I really love the look of tarte Juicy Gloss but not sure I’m ready to spend that much for an item I may have to apply every hour.

    Any advice for where to start?

    Reply ↓
    1. RLC*

      If you can find a lip stain close to your lip color, that could work as a first layer. If you ask a Sephora or other retailer’s beauty adviser for guidance, mention that you’re looking for a stain color for a “nude lip” effect.

      Reply ↓
    2. Snoozing not schmoozing*

      I don’t know if it’s still available (because most of my lip stuff has been around a long time), but L’Oreal Infallable never fail lip gloss actually stays on for hours! The one I have is a sheer-ish nude-but-better color that’s called, ta-dah!, “Nude,” #815.
      Most lip stains I’ve tried have been much darker or brighter than they look in the tube. One of the few I’ve ever liked is super cheap Wet & Wild “Just Peachy” 903c, which is a light peachy-pink and stays on a long time and feels creamy but not lipsticky.

      Reply ↓
  23. Travel tips*

    I’m traveling internationally this week for the first time as an adult. I’m excited, but also nervous about all the things that could go wrong, and trying to navigate them with a language and culture barrier. Not looking forward to the 15 hour flight either…

    Anyone have stories of an unexpected wrench in a trip that turned out okay? Definitely*not* looking for horror stories, just some tips or tales of learning and adapting on the go.

    Reply ↓
    1. Clara Bowe*

      This is a quick aside that is born out of an international flight situation. When you are going or coming back, PLEASE make sure to have an emergency snack. We had to land early due to a medical emergency (it was fine! The person was ok, just needed care!) and ended up on the ground for extra time because of where we got stick in the refuel/take off line. I ended up STARVING and needed emergency juice before landing.

      So! Definitely make sure to pack a snack in case of delays!

      Reply ↓
    2. Tiny Clay Insects*

      My husband and I were taking a train from Amsterdam to Luxembourg (what would have been a new country for us), then planned to head to Paris from there. We took the train from Amsterdam to Brussels with no issues, but on the train from Brussels to Luxembourg, the train suddenly stopped in a little station and we had to get off. We eventually found out there was some track problem, and that eventually, theoretically, there would be buses to take us the rest of the way. But we had no idea how long it would take. So instead we took the train a short ride (on a different route) to the nearest city, Namur, a place we’d never heard of till that day. We booked a hotel online in Namur while waiting for the train. And then we had a lovely time in Namur! We got the rest of our travel changes managed from our comfortable new hotel room, then walked around the city, sat outside in a little square and had cocktails, had a good dinner, and overall just had a delightful time!

      We were only going to be in Luxembourg for a day, so we went straight to Paris from Namur, and still haven’t ever made it to Luxembourg. But we have such fond memories of that afternoon and evening in Namur!

      Reply ↓
      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        The Brussels-Luxembourg train route has been a source of irritation for decades. The part from Namur to Luxembourg goes through the Ardennes and is very pretty scenery, but seems to take forever.

        Reply ↓
    3. Bluebell Brenham*

      Years ago I did a multi city Italian trip, mostly staying in hostels. I was alone, and had only been studying Italian for a few months. I arrived in Florence and the youth hostel was full. I had to splurge and stay at a one star hotel, and got their smallest size room. I had a wonderful night watching Bringing up Baby on a small TV and I ate a package of M&Ms out of the minibar too. Totally not in the plan, but it was a fabulous break from hostels. Good luck with your trip!

      Reply ↓
    4. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

      Got my shoulder bag (which contained my BritRail pass for later in the trip, a bunch of travelers checks, and the book I was reading) snatched at the Rome train station right before my train to Paris left. Since I figured the Rome police wouldn’t be able to get my bag back, I just hopped on the train anyway and dealt with getting a new BritRail pass and replacing my travelers checks once I got to Paris. Fortunately, I had a back-up book in my main luggage and had my Italian train ticket, travelers check stubs, and passport in a little bag around my neck.

      Reply ↓
    5. Le le lemon*

      1. Take a photo of your luggage, front and back, before you submit it at the airport. That will help if/when your bag is lost and you’re trying to describe it to a clerk or on an online form.
      2. Always get a print out of your lost-luggage details INCLUDING your email, to double check they entered everything correctly (ahem past experience).
      3. Put your first accommodation’s details in an obvious spot in your luggage.
      4. Take a photos of everything you packed, in case you need proof for a lost-luggage insurance claim.

      15 hours is a lot of movies! Enjoy!

      Reply ↓
      1. Le le lemon*

        After re-reading your post, my story:
        On an international trip, my bags got lost NOLA-JFK-Boston. I walked around for 3 days in the same clothes (also, commando until I bought new undies & socks); I didn’t have space in my luggage (if it turned up) to add any new clothing.
        I had a fabulous time, and when they finally found my bags, the best part was: it was a $3 busride back to the airport. Return trip was free. This BLEW my mind, because in Sydney, it’s $22 each way via train, minimum.

        Reply ↓
    6. Alex*

      Clearly you speak English, and these days….wherever you go as a tourist, someone will speak English. Maybe not everyone, and with varying degrees of proficiency, but knowing English truly is a blessing when traveling internationally. And in an emergency, there is google translate.

      As far as things going wrong, remember that most people in this world are kind and want to help. Sure, there could be hiccups, but almost every problem has a solution + someone who is happy to help. Practice kindness yourself and it is likely you will get that in return.

      I recently traveled (solo) internationally and had an unusual run of bad luck–I had to call the police for help! And then later, in an unrelated incident, I got injured. But it all turned out OK and I had some entertaining stories to share! And the people I had to call on for help were kind and happy that I was OK.

      Reply ↓
    7. Peony*

      Oh, I’ve been in so many scrapes that turned out just fine when traveling solo with a language barrier!

      Let’s see…..I got on the wrong train from Rome to Paris at midnight and there were no seats. Ended up standing up for hours talking with another passenger who was also on the wrong train (!) and had a wonderful time. Of course the train was the wrong train not only because it didn’t have a seat for me, but it was going to Geneva! Figured ok, I’ll stay overnight there and then go to Paris. Got to Geneva, saw the posted hostel and hotel prices and couldn’t afford it (this was in my young adult days)! Got on a train to Paris with 5 minutes’ notice. Ended up in Paris late at night, with no French money, nowhere to stay, not having eaten in 24 hours, not having showered in longer, not knowing anyone. Luckily the money exchange was open at the train station, and while in line I heard people speaking English, so I asked them where to stay. Found a place that let me in, went to the 24-hour drugstore, got cheese and stuff to eat and had a wonderful first night in Paris. (And all the consecutive days and nights were wonderful too!)

      And all the other little things that went wrong were helped by wonderful locals who stepped up to help just because. When I stopped to ask someone how to get to a certain place, they decided to take me there instead of just explaining. When I wanted to buy a sweater for my brother but didn’t know his size, other customers let me assess them for fit and the sweater I took home fit my brother perfectly! Later in the trip, when I ended up at Heathrow and somehow had miscalculated and didn’t have enough money to pay for my breakfast, the person in line behind me paid for it.

      Don’t worry, things may go wrong, but mostly everything is solvable. Have a fabulous trip!

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      1. Alan*

        I was just telling someone that I don’t think we’ve had many trips where something *didn’t* go wrong. Couldn’t figure out how to open train door once; train took off again. Misunderstood bus line somewhere else and ended up going the wrong direction. Various other problems finding seats on trains in multiple countries. Couldn’t figure out metro machines not in English. Needed medical care twice. Here’s the thing. People are nice! Even (especially) people that don’t really speak English will try to help you if you ask. You’ll be fine! If something goes wrong, just take a breath and find someone to ask for help. If they don’t speak English, ask someone else. You can do this! (And my one tip, something I learned much too late, is that when using kiosks of any sort in the local language, look for a button with a British flag. Or perhaps an American flag, although they usually seem to be British. Push the button and you’ll get your English translation. At least most places.)

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    8. RC*

      In the near-Beforetimes, took a train from Paris to Frankfurt, and had to switch trains just on the other side of the France/Germany border. I saw the name of the station I was looking for so got of… one stop too early, in like middle-of-nowhere France where I had no car and spoke no French (some … basic German).

      Fortunately trains in Europe are way better than trains in the US, so I wasn’t totally screwed until the next morning like I would have been at home— I figured out which train to get on and had to do more connections and my poor friend picking me up had to wait an hour or so longer (there was a nightlife, he was fine) but everything turned out okay and I made it where I was going! So I guess download offline Google maps and don’t be afraid to check your blue circle (wifi is also way more available places not the US too)

      Reply ↓
    9. ghost_cat*

      We got stuck in Ushuaia for a few days thanks to an airline strike. We went down to the docks each day & sat amongst the port workers at the local empanada place & were there long enough to try every single variety. I even tried the mussel ones!

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    10. Six Feldspar*

      Flying home from Japan to Perth (western Australia) a few years ago, I missed my original flight out of Japan and booked another one to Singapore where I’d pick up the flight to Perth… Except I realised that I had twenty (20) minutes total to make the connection!

      I *did* make the connection but this could have only been possible in Changi airport, and I also never want to deal with that again…

      Reply ↓
    11. Angstrom*

      A few polite words in the language – please, thank you, excuse me, where — a guidebook and/or translator app, a spirit of adventure and a big smile will get you a long way. I’ve explored cities and enjoyed street food in several countries with just that. Figure that if the natives are doing it/eating it, it’s probably something you can figure out.
      I always assume that something will go wrong, there will be some confusion, and that it’ll all come out ok. If you expect a few bumps you’re in a better mindset to roll with them.

      Reply ↓
    12. Rogue Slime Mold*

      A story shared by my father-in-law, who worked for USAID and so did a lot of remote travel: He was in a little airport in the middle of nowhere, and the one flight of the day had just been canceled. One of his fellow travelers was chipper and upbeat, explaining when someone asked “You can cancel my flight, but you can’t ruin my day.” That stuck with him, and then stuck with me.

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    13. Jay (no, the other one)*

      My husband was in Italy years ago on business and for a variety of reasons he traveled home alone while the rest of the group stayed in Europe. He does not speak Italian. He had four or five hours to get from where he was to the Milan airport, which should have been a total travel time of under two hours – train to the central Milan station and another to the airport. The train to Milan was chugging along and then – stopped. Rapid announcement in Italian overhead. Stays stopped. Hubs and his Italian seatmate both had enough HS French to communicate and the seatmate told him all trains into central Milan were stopped (turned out this was due to an unexploded WWII bomb someone discovered as they were excavating a construction project near the station). Seatmate also says they are being put on a bus that will go to the airport.

      Turns out that wasn’t quite right. The bus took them to an outlying train station. Hubs eventually walked into the terminal 30 minutes before the plane was due to depart and figured there was no way he was going to get through security in time, so he went to the Alitalia desk and asked to be rescheduled. The ticket agent locked her terminal, picked up her purse, and walked him through security and onto the plane.

      Reply ↓
    14. RagingADHD*

      There are certain universal aspects of body language.

      We went to Germany to visit friends when the kids were about 4 and 6. The 4 year old informed me she needed to go potty immediately after the plane started final approach and we had to stay seated. By the time we deplaned, we were on the verge on an incident.

      My husband, being the SAHP at the time, had volunteered to study German and be the translator for trip logistics. But whatever system he chose was teaching him verb conjugation rather than useful phrases like “where’s the bathroom?”

      So I grabbed Little’s hand, ran wild-eyed into the concourse and blurted “toilet!” at literally the first person in hailing distance.

      The person had no problem understanding the visual, even if there had not been the happy coincidence that the German word is “toiletten”. I had to pick her up and run, but we made it.

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    15. Vincaminot*

      If you are a purse-carrying human (or similar on-your-person bag): a clean pair of underwear in a small ziplock bag takes up very little space and might be a useful thing in case of accident, delay, or lost luggage.
      Seconding the recommendation of snacks!

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    16. Rara Avis*

      Many years ago, in college, I lived in Rome for a semester and took a solo trip to France and England. I realized that I had misjudged the connections and would have to take an earlier train from England to France, resulting in an unplanned overnight in Paris — and I had no French money. (This was before Euros, cell phones, I had no credit card.) I found a hostel that was willing to put me up and wait for me to walk to a bank the following morning to exchange a traveler’s check. Think how much easier it will be for you with all of modern technology at your fingertips!

      Reply ↓
  24. StudentA*

    I’ve been really down all week. There’s something I thought would be a wonderful thing that I’ve been working hard towards. But sadly it’s looking more and more out of reach. Some people in my life who care deeply about me told me to let it go. That it doesn’t seem it’s meant for me.

    This has been a hard pill to swallow. I’ve tried to believe instead that there’s something out there better for me. That hasn’t been working. Which I’m embarrassed to say. I don’t remember the last time I wanted something this much.

    It’d be helpful for me if you could share stories of being in similar situations and how things turned out for you.

    Thank you.

    Reply ↓
    1. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

      I don’t know if this is the kind of thing you mean, but I had to temporarily let go of my graduate work. After many years in grad school, I wasn’t having employment luck, and I wasn’t really as done with my dissertation as I thought I was. Discouraged, I pivoted for a few years to something else . . . and then I finished up my dissertation, and after some years of un- and under-employment, I *finally* got a full-time, non-tenure-track teaching job, which after several years became a tenure-track job, and I eventually got tenure. It took !@#$@#$ing forever, but I did wind eventually up about where I had planned to go.

      Moral: it is okay to let go of a dream that isn’t working right now — it can help you move forward sometimes — but that doesn’t mean your dream will necessarily be gone forever. Maybe it will come back around when you’re in a better place to make it come true!

      Reply ↓
    2. RLC*

      Over 40 years ago, I was informed that I was the recipient of an extraordinary scholarship (full payment to Ivy League level universities): a life changing opportunity for a person who grew up with limited financial resources. All over the front page of our local paper, university recruiters coming to my high school just to woo me, the whole thing. Except that someone in my high school’s student advisor team wildly messed up and I didn’t get the scholarship. I was both embarrassed and devastated. Regrouped, went to state university, worked throughout every school year, graduated into a recession, and gratefully accepted the one job offer I got albeit for far less than most people in my field.
      Six months into job, went to mandatory new-employee training (actually tried to get out of that, later was glad my boss made me go!) had a great time meeting other new hires. Kept in touch with one very nice employee, we became friends and more.
      If I hadn’t lost out on that scholarship, I would’ve never gone on the path that led me to my wonderful husband.

      Reply ↓
    3. Peony*

      Oh my gosh, I can totally relate.

      I applied for a very prestigious and hard to get into leadership program. Only 12 slots. I was — waitlisted. And of course, no one said no, so I didn’t get in. So then I applied for a state Senate fellowship. First runner-up. AGAIN. Same thing with a Rhodes scholarship. First runner-up. To add insult to injury, my ex got it instead….

      But!!!! Six months later, I ended up with a full-time job (not a fellowship) in the Senate, working for the leader! Just what I would have wanted to do after the leadership program or the fellowship. I never would have dreamed that was possible, I was so crestfallen over the previous rejections.

      Hang in there, things will get better. I am sending good thoughts your way.

      Reply ↓
    4. Reg*

      p.s. The folks that tell you it’s not for you may be right — or they may be wrong. Don’t take their word for it if you feel you should keep trying. Over and over in my life I got opportunities that “should” have gone to someone else, someone with more experience, more schooling, what-have-you. (After being rejected many times first, as I said above, though!) Good luck with whatever you decide.

      Reply ↓
      1. kitsloanico*

        Yeah, what’s hard in this scenario is that we the commentariat don’t know how rational these advisors are acting. It’s true that some of the people who loved me best tried to discourage me from the risks I am ultimately so glad I took. People who love you like family may be in a poor position to give you advice on things like career / academic choices, although I would listen with at least one ear if they were advising me about my romantic partner or something more in their sphere. If these are your academic advisors giving you advice about your aptitude or career prospects in the field, I wouldn’t dismiss them out of hand (although even then, you have to make your own decisions and be willing to live with the results – experts definitely do not know anything and also have their own biases towards the status quo).

        Reply ↓
        1. kitsloanico*

          Sorry, I mean “experts definitely do not know EVERYthing” – they do know many things! I have great respect for expertise!

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    5. Irish Teacher.*

      I wanted to teach all my life. At 9 years old, I remember our teacher asking what we would wish for of we had three wishes and the only thing I could think of is that I’d get a teaching job when I grew up. In my preteen years, I used to look at babies and toddlers and try to work out what age they’d be when I qualified, trying to figure out if I might be teaching them some day. At 15, I sent my dad around to the teaching colleges to get their brochures so I could make the best subject choices.

      Then I did my Leaving and I missed the points by 20 points (out of 600, so like being 3.33% short of the grades I needed). I could have repeated the school year, but there was no guarantee I’d do better the second time or that the points would remain the same. They actually went down the next year, but I didn’t know that would happen. They could have gone up. And I was 17 and at that point, giving up another year of my life and possibly getting the same result seemed…not worth it.

      I ended up doing an English and History degree instead and then doing a post-graduate year to teach secondary school English and History. My plan had been to teach primary.

      For a long time, it seemed very much a second best and I worried I wouldn’t have enough authority over teenagers, but I do love my job and in some ways, it is more interesting than teaching primary school children.

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    6. Eff Walsingham*

      Oof, this hit me right in the feels. When I was younger, my family members tended to give me rather… minimizing advice. Any time I wanted to follow my dreams, they tried to talk me out of it, even my beloved mother, who was quite a feminist in her own way. As I grew older, I came to see that they wanted me to be safe, that they thought that things I wanted were too risky, that they loved me lots but still advised me poorly.

      Now that I’m older I keep thinking about going back to school. My husband is very encouraging and supportive, but my confidence took quite a knock from all those messages that my dreams were wrong for me.

      Is there a counselor, a mentor, some kind of arms-length person who you can talk over the subject with? If it’s school or work, someone who’s in a position to assess what you’ve accomplished so far and what more you’d need to do? My experience, for what it’s worth, is that sometimes very kind and well-meaning people give really crap advice, probably because of their own hopes, fears, and disappointments.

      Reply ↓
      1. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

        Oh, I hope that you do go back to school if you want to! : ) Please don’t let those negative messages from the past keep you down. Returning students are usually the very best ones — they’re there because they want to be there and have a lot of life experience that can help them persevere through the bumps and rough spots. I’m sure that even if you’re nervous, you’ll do great!

        And even if you don’t do everything perfectly (though I am sure you will do very well), you can still learn a lot and get qualified in a new area. As we say, Cs get degrees! (But I’m 100% sure you’ll be doing much better than that anyway.)

        Reply ↓
      2. kitsloanico*

        Your first paragraph is spot on. My family loves me so much that – although they wouldn’t put it this way – they’d rather I be unhappy versus in danger (in any way) and they have a generally poor tolerance for risk or change anyway. They adore me, but they are strongly biased towards keeping things the same, forever. So I’ve learned I can’t listen to them on that kind of advice or else I would still be living in my hometown probably as a housewife just like my mother (erm, not that there’s anything wrong with that for someone else – just that I’m gay and much happier living in the big city).

        Reply ↓
      3. goddessoftransitory*

        I would recommend reading the Austen novel Persuasion. It’s about a rekindled romance, but what’s germane here is the main character’s closest friend and advisor, an older woman who’s been like a mother to her since her own mother passed away.

        There is absolutely no doubt that this woman loves Anne (the main character) but advises her to not marry the man she’s in love with. At the time, and in their society, it was good advice–he was poor as a church mouse, just starting in his career, and “had nothing to recommend him but himself.” So Anne listens and breaks off the engagement, to her bitter regret.

        Much later in the novel, this same woman, who has watched how much Anne suffered after the breakup, gives her THE SAME ADVICE! Still from what she considers the best of motives, but Anne realizes what the woman is really afraid of is her own social status might decline if her friend marries “below her station.” She’s relied on this person her entire adult life to not be like her snobby family, only to realize she’s just as snobby in her own way.

        So the people who love you? Really do love you. And are giving advice they think is good. But it may not be the right advice for you. In the end you do have to decide for yourself.

        Reply ↓
        1. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

          I love this literature-giving-insight-to-life approach! There are so many great cautionary tales in 19th-century novels.

          Reply ↓
      4. Dontbeadork*

        If you want to go back to school, go for it! It took me three tries and until I was about 5 years from retirement for me to get my master’s, but even though I don’t use it as I had initially planned, it was worth it (for me) to finally get it.

        Reply ↓
    7. Miss Buttons*

      Rejection can sometimes actually be protection and re-direction. That’s what it was for me three times, first losing my marriage, then a very dear friend, then a job promotion. In all cases, I was absolutely convinced these people/things were right for me. I would never have believed they were wrong or harmful. It was only in retrospect that I could see it. I had such tunnel vision in my marriage that I couldn’t see I was actually being harmed in it. And it was a big but necessary letting go of the huge work and time I had put in, but that eventually felt like a big relief and a weight lifted off. Losing people and things brought a sea change for me and tremendous personal growth. Sometimes a huge loss is the first time some folks ever do the introspection needed to grow.
      I wish you open-mindedness, no tunnel vision, acceptance and peace in your decision-making.

      Reply ↓
    8. kitsloanico*

      I’m an author and I was even published, but I had to accept that there was just no universe where I could plan to live that way (quit my day job). What makes it worse is that I came SO CLOSE and there’s all sorts of people saying you’ll never make ANY money, but I made about $20K over three years – so close! Everyone says you can’t do it but I knew I could – sorta. But just not even close to how much I would need to live on (and not sustainable to even expect that much to keep coming – this past year I think it was $100 total). One thing I’ve done is keep my heart open for the “possibility” – I mean, there’s always the *change* lightning could strike on some future project, it’s just a chance not much bigger than winning the lottery – while making a plan for how to live on the assumption that it won’t happen. In one way it’s a little good, as it’s given me permission to stop chasing what I think I *should* write to be successful, and just write what I think is fun because probably nothing matters anyway – and give up the parts of the industry I didn’t like, like going to multiple conferences and doing a bunch of industry events that weren’t fun for me. So some version of the dream is alive, it’s just hidden in a little corner. I don’t know if that applies to your situation or not, but I hope it helps.

      Reply ↓
  25. Cosmic Crisp*

    I have a couple of long flights next week for personal travel, and after reading an older thread on this site, I’m wondering- is business/first really that much better than economy (how I’ve always flown)? I’m not a particularly tall person, but I am much more comfortable being able to sit cross-legged in a chair. I also tend to get some motion sickness but I don’t think that would be mitigated by upgrading.

    Thank you!

    Reply ↓
    1. fhqwhgads*

      Business won’t get you that much wider a seat, but will get you nearly full recline. It’s way more comfortable than economy. Great for overnight flights.
      First class is wider (except on the airlines that renamed First Class to Business and then it’s just…confusing). You might be able to physically sit cross-legged, but if the person next to you isn’t part of your party, it’d probably be inconsiderate due to knee-proximity. Plus shoes on the seat is not nice to whoever sits there after you.

      Reply ↓
      1. Cosmic Crisp*

        Oh gosh yes, I should have been clearer- not as in sitting wider, but if I cross one knee over the other in front of me, I need more forward space. The flights will be 4-5 hours, so I’ll consider upgrading. Thanks everyone for the input so far!

        Reply ↓
    2. MissB*

      First class if you can swing it. I prefer the division between the seats – no chance of touching a stranger, let alone being pressed against for an entire flight.

      I don’t really care about the free drinks or meals or endless snacks. I just want space.

      Reply ↓
    3. Indolent Libertine*

      Yes! It really is that much better. “Premium economy “ is also often a significantly better experience, especially on newer planes where PE has its own separate cabin and it’s not just Economy with 2 extra inches of legroom.

      I flew real business class once, transatlantic, on a friend’s expiring upgrade points. Lie-flat seat, not possible to reach your toes to the back of the seat in front of you no matter how hard you tried unless you play in the NBA, better food and drinks… It ruined me for flying Economy forever.

      Reply ↓
    4. goddessoftransitory*

      I fly once every five years, on average, and decided the last time around that I was going first class. I’m just too old for the tiny clamps they call “seats” in economy and being packed in like cattle.

      Worth every damn penny, believe me.

      Reply ↓
    5. Rogue Slime Mold*

      The class meaning varies on different airlines and flights. When I was 25 and super flexible, the bigger seat with more legroom didn’t make a difference. (I’m small.) Now that my muscles like to seize up if I hold one position, anything that gives me more space in the seat makes a big difference. If lie flat is an option, that is a game changer–not only can you lie down, but there’s enough space to stand up and stretch a bit. (Much moreso than standing in the aisle.)

      Reply ↓
    6. CTT*

      Seconding that it REALLY varies by plane and flight, and also travel time. I’m in a smaller city and almost always have to take a regional jet as my first leg, and upgrades are kind of useless since the planes tend to be no-frills and we’re barely at cruising altitude for more than 30 minutes. But flying overseas? The lie-flat business class seat is a nonnegotiable part of my travel budget.

      Reply ↓
    7. Jay (no, the other one)*

      I doubt you’ll be able to sit cross-legged on any airplane seat, even First Class, unless you’re short enough that your feet wouldn’t touch the floor. I will never willingly fly Basic Economy again – it’s always worth the upgrade to Economy Plus or whatever they call the tier that is in the Economy cabin with more legroom. That also usually gets you boarding in an earlier group which means it’s more likely there will be room for your larger carry-on and you will get off the plane more quickly.

      Whenever I can, I upgrade to Business or First, especially for longer flights. I have two trips coming up in June – one is about three hours and one is about four – and in both cases I was able to get First Class for what seemed like not very much more than Economy Plus. Priority Boarding, access to the Priority Service line if there’s an issue, off the plane immediately – totally worth it.

      Can you tell I absolutely despise waiting to deplane?

      Reply ↓
    8. Alan*

      Maybe try premium economy? I fly business quite a bit and even in business you won’t be able to cross your legs I suspect. Business sometimes has little more space than premium economy, especially if you’re flying domestically and the people in front of you recline. Food in business seems to be getting worse as well. I do like the extra bin space in business. For the motion sickness, business probably won’t make a difference and might even be worse, if the seats are angled funny. I was in business once on an international flight where the seats were angled and I felt very ill.

      Reply ↓
  26. ghost_cat*

    Sophie is so very photogenic & obliging! May I ask how Wallace is and whether his test results were favourable?

    Reply ↓
    2. Ask a Manager* Post author

      His tumor was benign! We are very relieved. And his stitches are supposed to come out today, which will mean no more collar, which will make him very happy.

      Reply ↓
  27. NY visit*

    Looking for New York tips! I am visiting New York for the first time this week. Staying in lower Manhattan. I think I have a solid list of the ‘obvious’ touristy things, but would love some tips about food, or nice walks/places to see. Thanks!

    Reply ↓
    1. Bluebell Brenham*

      For museums, the New Museum has cool art and the top floor has a great view. The tenement museum is also very worthwhile. Spicy Moon is excellent vegan Chinese with tasty cocktails too. Essex Market moved from its historic location, but the new space is shiny, and it still offers a wide variety of food to eat there or take home. Life and Trust is a newish show by the same company that did Sleep No More and it’s really well done. Enjoy your visit!

      Reply ↓
    2. Roy G. Biv*

      The Met Cloisters, which is uptown, was wonderful surprise when I was last in Manhattan. They have the Unicorn tapestry series, which is a textile marvel to behold.

      Reply ↓
    3. Maestra*

      The Morgan Library is cool and doesn’t take too long if you’re looking for something to fit a little bit of time (as we were when we had gotten brunch, but were looking for something to do before a Broadway matinee). If you can time it right to do the guided tour, I’d recommend that.

      Reply ↓
    4. Jay (no, the other one)*

      Hearth in the East Village for reimagined Italian food, excellent wine list, interesting cocktails, and a fun vibe. Expensive and worth it.

      Reply ↓
    5. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

      Food: Cafeteria (119 7th Avenue) has delicious fried chicken and waffles with maple syrup. Veniero’s (342 E. 11th St., between 1st & 2nd Avenues) is a 19th-century cafe and bakery with cool desserts. Ferrara Bakery (195 Grand Street, between Mulberry & Mott St.) is another 19th-century cafe and bakery with cool desserts, but it doesn’t look as old. Tea and Sympathy (108 Greenwich Ave) can serve you a full English tea and other British food.

      Entertainment: Film Forum (209 W. Houston [pronounced “HOW-stun”] St.) is an art movie house that plays classic, indie, and international films. You can still get cheap, nosebleed seats for some performances at the Metropolitan Opera for like $25. See https colon slash slash www dot metopera dot org slash Season slash Tickets slash and scroll down. They’re doing a lot of Magic Flute, Barber of Seville, and Marriage of Figaro right now. City Center has cheap seats available too — depending on when you come, you could see the Encores performance of Wonderful Town (with a 28-piece orchestra!) or a dance performance. It’s worth going just to see the wonderful Art Deco interior of City Center.

      Bathrooms: Hard to find in NYC. If you’re in the Village, you can go to the LGBT Center at 208 W 13 St (go in past the desk and take a sharp left; all-gender restrooms are on the first and second floors by the elevators, with gender-separated restrooms on higher floors if I remember right). If you’re in mid-town, you can go to the basement of Macy’s at 34th St. and Broadway. Sometimes, you might have to go to a museum. I did once pay for me and a friend to go to the Museum of Modern Art because we really needed a bathroom.

      Reply ↓
      1. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

        Historic but functional pharmacy with lots of cool international products: CO Bigelow 414 6th Ave (btwn 8th & 9th St)

        Bar/French/Moroccan restaurant: Bar Six, 502 6th Avenue, a bit north of the CO Bigelow pharmacy, if I recall

        Book emporium: Strand Bookstore, 828 Broadway, a little South of Union Square

        Reply ↓
        1. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

          Sing-Along Piano Bar: Marie’s Crisis, 59 Gove St. (bathrooms are kind of icky, though, so go before you go)

          Reply ↓
  28. Six Feldspar*

    I’m very slowly working towards selling my current house and I’m trying to work out what’s worth doing to help it sell vs what’s not worth the money or the hassle.

    Is there some kind of professional who could look over the house and tell me that as is it will probably sell for X dollars, and if I did small changes A and B it will probably sell for X + 10k dollars?

    I feel like it’s either a property valuer job or a real estate agent job, but if it’s real estate I don’t want to tip them off early and have them constantly pestering me until I’m ready to actually put the house on the market…

    Reply ↓
    1. WS*

      Yes, a property valuer can do this…but they’re mostly connected to real estate agents and will still pester you.

      Reply ↓
    2. Eff Walsingham*

      I’m in Canada, and here it’s “all part of the service” they provide, as well as sharing their knowledge of the local market, etc.

      TBH, though, most of my friends and associates who’ve sold in recent years shared our experience of being given a much longer and more detailed list than was ultimately practical. In our case, we focused on the things that we felt would make our lives easier before the sale as well (a couple of new appliances). We did finish the baseboards, because anything that looks incomplete is potentially bad. But I just put up basic closet rods rather than complicated organizers, and washed and painted all the walls in a neutral colour. I didn’t get around to painting all the doorframes, because CATS, etc. But the place still sold within the target time frame and for a strong price. We were in a high-demand location, though.

      Basically our realtor didn’t tell us anything we couldn’t have gleaned from online articles on the subject. So, wash the windows and declutter, etc. It helps if you (with or without a trusted friend) can try to approach and enter your home as if you’ve never seen it before. Does anything jump out as looking shabby or unfinished? My personal view is that you should attend to that before starting any kind of new project. Or just be really honest in the listing when the time comes: “The kitchen is due for an update,” etc. Some buyers will see this sort of thing as an advantage… the current kitchen is clean and functional, and they can remodel according to their own taste and timeline.

      Let somebody else pay for granite, I said! And either they have, or they’re still using our old formica.

      Reply ↓
      1. Eff Walsingham*

        ** oops, did not specify… “they” meaning realtors, providing this kind of advice. And yes, they do pester! We had to fight him off month by month. I felt a bit like Winston Churchill. He got us a good price, but I’m glad we don’t need to keep contact. Nice fellow, though.

        Reply ↓
    3. Sloanicota*

      I wonder if you can pay for your own home inspection before sale, which would obviously get you more structural things vs style (I only know of realtors saying things like “repaint here and we can get more” or “we should list it for X” – I think that’s a big part of what they do). But it was a reassurance to me when I bought that the sellers had a recent home inspection on file – obviously, I still did my own, but since the house was “as is” it gave me a LITTLE more confidence that there wasn’t a glaring issue they were covering up. Otherwise, I would just go for a stylish friend to give advice on “staging” – I don’t have The Eye to save my life, but some people just do – and maybe a mock-walkthrough by someone who has recently bought to show you where buyer’s minds are. I know they say declutter, declutter, declutter. The price I’d just go off comps anyway honestly. My gut is that a structural thing is more likely to have an ultimate impact on the sale price vs a smaller thing like repainting an accent wall to a bland color.

      Reply ↓
      1. Imtheone*

        You can certainly pay for a home inspection yourself. Then you will know of issues that aren’t apparent but might turn up. We sold a house which needed a new chimney lining, something we had no idea about.

        Reply ↓
    4. A*

      I would manage some expectations going into this process.

      The first one is that somebody is going to give you an exact formula like small change A and B yield X + $10,000. The real estate market is always tricky to nail but even more so now when so much is in flux just in general. Prepare to hear a lot of qualified opinions like “change A and B might yield X + $5 – $20,000.” There are going to be a lot of wide ranges because that is how the market operates, not because they aren’t doing their job.

      The second one is the word “pester.” The fact of the matter is that real estate agents and property valuers typically have a “ask not guess” personality in the first place. The job itself needs a lot of drive to be successful. Also, let’s be real here, there are a lot of situations where you WANT a real estate agent to be pushy. When I bought my last house my real estate agent was pushy to the seller and I think she was worth twice the commission. “pushy” and “pestering” in one context is annoying and in another context utterly fantastic. So I would accept the double edged sword or sell the house yourself.

      Reply ↓
      1. RagingADHD*

        OP didn’t give me the impression they are irritated by realtors in general, just that they didn’t want to start the process too early. If they aren’t looking to actually sell for, say, 12-18 months, or more, that would become tiresome to both sides.

        Reply ↓
        1. A*

          Realtors were born to circle back. If the LW goes into it expecting that then they are less likely to interpret it as “constantly pester.”

          Reply ↓
    5. Not A Manager*

      Walk through with a real estate agent, or even two or three. You’d be surprised at the different perspectives. This will also give you some information on who seems sensible/tuned in to your market for when you’re actually planning to sell.

      They will accept that you’re not ready to sell yet, and they will still be helpful because they are cultivating the commission. They also won’t pester you too much because they want to preserve the relationship, but they will check back occasionally. If they are being too aggressive, *you* give them a timeline like “I know I won’t be ready for another six months, but please check in with me then.”

      I’ve sold several properties and walked through a lot as a buyer, and my main advice is: repaint, and de-personalize. De-personalizing is more than just de-cluttering, although that’s included. It’s removing the personal indicia of who you are and how you use the space. When you decorate/live in your home, usually the house itself fades into the background and your own personal life shines. When you’re selling, you want the opposite. Everything anywhere should *only* serve the purpose of highlighting the house itself. Any buyer should be able to picture themselves living their own personal life in it, without having to visually erase your life in order to imagine that.

      Reply ↓
  29. WoodswomanWrites, looking for camping spots in Southwest*

    I’m about to have a vacation I’ve been hoping to do for a long time, finally making it happen. I’m doing a three-week road trip to the Southwest, some places I’ve been to and others I haven’t. I’m taking a few days to get to Flagstaff where I have friends and spending time at Canyon de Chelly, camping in the canyon itself with a Navajo guide for a few days. I have friends in Moab where I’ll spend a few days before taking two days across Hwy. 50 to get home.

    The part I’d like advice on is the few days between Canyon de Chelly in Arizona and Moab in Utah. I had my heart set on camping for a few days at Chaco Canyon, where I’ve never been, but didn’t realize how far in advance their campground books up. I was only able to snag one night. While I’m hoping something will open up with a no-show for an additional night, there’s no guarantee.

    Any suggestions for camping between Chaco Canyon in New Mexico and Moab? The popular parks are all reserved. I’m open to dispersed camping without services–bringing my own water, etc. for a couple days–if that’s all there is.

    For context, I’m a very experienced solo backcountry hiker, have training as a wilderness first responder, and have spent time in the dry canyon country before. My car can handle the terrain and I’m getting a tune-up before I drive for 2,600 miles. I’m bringing a satellite communication device so someone can find me if I run into trouble.

    Reply ↓
    1. Reba*

      Sorry if I’m saying something you already know, but are you also looking at BLM sites, not just the Parks? The Moab area has soooo many BLM sites, some developed and some primitive. I believe most are FCFS. Monticello is another BLM area that would be on your route.

      Reply ↓
    2. Lifelong student*

      If you will be anywhere near Antelope Canyon I highly recommend it. It is near Page AZ which is about 135 miles from Flagstaff.

      Reply ↓
  30. RC*

    We are long overdue for a vacation; has anyone (semi-recently) been to the Galapagos? Any tips? I know they restrict how many people can visit (which I understand) but also any suggestions for what (not) to do there would be great. Also, was it worth it, or way too touristy? (we are not people who particularly enjoy or seek out highly planned itineraries, although I do like to know where we’re sleeping and have some activities scheduled).

    Bonus points if you have any info about outdoor dining etc— I’d expect it to be fairly doable there, but we are still covid-cautious (see: overdue for vacation; travel is more challenging than it was in 2019).

    Thanks!

    Reply ↓
    1. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

      Tip — absolutely, positively wear your life jacket at all times on the boat. A friend’s parents had a boat to the Galapagos overturn while they were on it.

      Reply ↓
    2. Lore*

      You see a lot more islands if you do a trip where you stay on the boat, and avoid most of the tourist-iest land based towns. (I think the trip I did had one afternoon on Santa Cruz and the rest was smaller islands and water activities.) It is of course more structured and less spontaneous but it was amazing. I booked with G Adventures, which are small boats (20 passengers max I think?) and a little off season so it wasn’t even full. If you are prone to sea sickness look for the catamaran which is a little bigger and more stable. (October was amazing for wildlife as it’s baby season for sea lions, boobies, and albatross, but the seas were very choppy.)

      I have not gone post Covid though so can’t speak to whether it’s changed. You did eat indoors on the boat but were with the same contained group the whole time so fewer vectors and were outdoors almost all the time except eating or sleeping .

      Reply ↓
    3. Visually Impaired Guy*

      I went a few years ago. You see almost nothing unless you go on a boat tour, and for that I’d suggest a small boat (16-20 tourists). Some boats are small cruises with hundreds of people and that makes it difficult to see everything because they limit the number of people in some locations. I chose mine through a company that books small tours almost anywhere so I trusted them (G-adventures). I went for a week and we had a different walking trail morning and afternoon, and the boat would move while we ate lunch and slept.

      I am the same way as you in that I research but never schedule trips, yet couldn’t see doing it any other way in that location.

      If you like wildlife then you will have an incredibly good time. If not then it’s a bit boring. It was beautiful, and I often can’t see wildlife because of my vision yet I never had a problem getting close to the animals there. Not that I’d harass them, just that there were set walking trails and many animals had no problems nesting or hanging out next to a place where 20 people would walk by several times a day. We also had the chance to swim a couple times a day, typically after the walking. We ate in the boat’s interior but I’m sure most boats would accommodate your preferences.

      I would suggest visiting Quito a bit (plus Mitad del Mundo, Otavalo, etc) but absolutely avoid Guayaquil as it can be dangerous. I found it quite safe when I went on a short walk but I was told by a friend where to go, and it tends to be listed as a no-go location for tourists. It is also much more generic than Quito, so no point in staying there.

      I went in 2021 when vaccines were relatively new and I was surprised that everyone was healthy and vaccinated. At the time vaccination was a requirement to visit the islands, to keep the people there safe. I’m not suggesting you do the same, but I ate indoors at restaurants for two weeks and never got sick! I felt safer there than at home.

      Reply ↓
    4. Alan*

      We went in February on a Lindblad cruise. It was a bucket-list trip for my wife. We are not cruisers in general, but it’s a small boat (80ish people I think) and we liked it. We did not find the Galapagos touristy at all! We went to several islands and were the only people there. Even in the towns that we visited there weren’t many people. Tons of wildlife. If you’re into photography beyond your cellphone, maybe splurge on a really long lens. (My ~150mm zoom was good enough 90 % of the time, but that remaining 10 % was a bummer.) On the cruises you can kayak, snorkel, hike, zodiac. It was fun albeit expensive.

      Reply ↓
      1. Alan*

        BTW, on the Lindblad cruises they space out the groups for activities, so although there were 80 people on the boat, there were never more than 15 or so for any particular activity. For example, they would have multiple hikes on a day, or multiple snorkels on a day, each a smaller group of people. There’s never 80 people in one place at one time.

        Reply ↓
    5. Indolent Libertine*

      Also very Covid cautious; if you’re due for a booster, get it 2-ish weeks before you go and you’ll be maximally protected. That said, a year ago we did just that, and masked in the airport and on the plane except to eat which we had to do on a 12-hour flight, and someone seated close to us was coughing and 3 days later we both had it… so I also recommend taking test kits with you, and strong-arming your doctor into prescribing Paxlovid that you can take with you just in case, because it’s not available everywhere. Wishing you a wonderful and healthy trip!

      Reply ↓
  31. The Prettiest Curse*

    Short story readers – there’s no right or wrong answer here, but if you’re reading a short story collection, how do you approach it? Do you dip in and out every so often, read stories out of the order they appear in the book, or read the whole thing from beginning to end? I usually do the last one, because I don’t trust myself to remember which stories I’ve already read. But I’m really interested to see what other people do!

    Reply ↓
    1. Seven hobbits are highly effective, people*

      It depends. If I’m interested in the theme or picked it up because it looked like a good overall collection for some reason, I read it beginning to end like a novel (sometimes skipping something if it’s very much not my thing, but I’m a pretty fast reader so if it’s really a short story rather than a novelette or novella I’ll probably power through under most circumstances if I buy into that particular collection as being well-curated hoping to find something redeeming in it). If I picked it up because it had one or more stories by an author I usually like but wouldn’t have grabbed it otherwise, then I tend to read that story or stories first and then skim for anything else to see what catches my eye but without feeling obliged to read the rest of it if things don’t seem promising.

      Single-author story collections I tend to read beginning to end, both those feel like a different category to me in general. Re-reads all bets are off: I’m quite likely to hop to a specific story that I’d like to revisit without reading the rest of the book whether it’s a single author collection or not. Some stories just stick with me more than others and need a re-read every now and then.

      Reply ↓
    2. Six Feldspar*

      I tend to read through them like a standard book with chapters, sometimes the editors have arranged them to have interesting connections or contrasts.

      Reply ↓
    3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I rarely do short story collections but if I do, I go start to finish like a regular book.

      Reply ↓
    4. Rogue Slime Mold*

      First time, straight through. Subsequent visits I aim for the story I’m in the mood to revisit.

      Reply ↓
    5. anxiousGrad*

      Somehow I didn’t realize that this is an unusual way to do it until I saw this thread, but I usually read one short story at a time in between finishing novels or otherwise full-length books on my list.

      Reply ↓
    6. Sloanicota*

      I do think the author probably put the stories in the order they appear for some reason (like musicians used to plan out their albums, and presumably still do even if streaming may not play it that way for the listeners) so I do read them in order, but I give myself more permission to stop between each one and take a longer break – maybe a week or more – vs in a book where the narrative is typically trying to drive you on from chapter to chapter.

      Reply ↓
      1. goddessoftransitory*

        I know Shirley Jackson did this with her collection containing The Lottery; while that story isn’t part of it, the title of the book is “The Lottery; or, The Adventures of James Harris.” And at least half the stories have that character in them either by name or description.

        Reply ↓
    7. GoryDetails*

      I read short-story collections and anthologies in the table-of-contents order – though for collections by the same author I generally read a few stories and then switch to another book, so it’s not too same-y. (I like short stories for carrying-around books; easier to pick up and put down than novels, though sometimes I carry around novels as well.)

      I do exercise “skimming” judgment, so if a particular story isn’t grabbing me I’ll skim to the end (can’t stand not to know how things end!) and move on.

      Reply ↓
    8. RagingADHD*

      I read in order, but sporadically, unless the collection absolutely hooks me to the point that I cancel life for it. If I’m going to choose short stories, the purpose (to me) is to have “nibbles” handy.

      Reply ↓
    9. Me*

      I have to go in order from the beginning to the end of the book, but with a short story collection, I give each story much less time to grab me. If I’m a little bored in the first two pages of the story, I skip it!

      No matter what the collection is, I find that I usually end up with a breakdown of about 2 stories I skip reading, 4-5 that I read completely but are just fine with (neither great nor terrible), and maybe 2 that are incredible and made getting the book from the library worth the effort, and any other stories are probably ones I read and don’t remember at all.

      I have yet to read a short story collection that was, as people say about albums, all hits, no skips.

      Reply ↓
    10. Turtle Dove*

      I like short stories but prefer novels. When I occasionally read a short-story collection, I pick and choose. I may thumb through the pages until I find a title that grabs me. Or I might check the table of contents to see which stories are longer and save those for last. It’s a fun change to how I read novels: strictly front to back. If I forget which stories I already read and start rereading one, I tend to notice quickly. (I think of that as a low-pressure cognitive test. Worst case, I get to read a story twice!)

      Reply ↓
    11. Dark Macadamia*

      I read it straight through. I really don’t enjoy anthologies even though I do enjoy short stories, so I guess I should try something different! I feel like I don’t have time to get immersed if they’re too short, and then when there’s a good one I’m sad to move on so quickly.

      Reply ↓
    12. goddessoftransitory*

      I tend to read beginning to end the first time through–for rereading I find I gravitate to the same stories over and over, so sometimes I deliberately do the front-to-back again to make sure I don’t wear out my favorites/rediscover the other stories.

      Reply ↓
      1. goddessoftransitory*

        Forgot to add: a lot depends on if this is a collection by one author or an anthology with lots of authors. I tend to pick and choose a lot more with the latter.

        Reply ↓
  32. Seeking tablet*

    Any recommendations for a cheap, basic tablet (Android)? Something under $200. My old Samsung tablet died. I just use it for reading and web surfing, nothing too elaborate. I don’t want to do the Amazon kindle route. Thanks!

    Reply ↓
    1. 653-CXK*

      I bought a small-scale Samsung Galaxy Tab A6 three years ago (delayed 50th birthday present!) and it’s worked out well. I added a wireless Bluetooth keyboard (Cooper Cases) and it works just as well as a laptop.

      Reply ↓
    2. RussianInTexas*

      Don’t get Kindle Fire! They are tied to the Amazon app store, not Google Play store and maybe apps are not accessible. I have a fairly basic Samsung one, you may be able to replace yours with another one.

      Reply ↓
  33. Rogue Slime Mold*

    Advice on visiting Lake Tahoe?

    Into quiet and outdoorsy; casino a negative. While I hope to avoid dense crowds, a stay at Tamaya Resort outside Albuquerque was great in that we could walk, bike, swim, look at art, nap, and get a good meal all without having to get into the car.

    Reply ↓
    2. Turtle Dove*

      We really liked the public beach at Kings Beach. It wasn’t crowded, and the views were amazing. A local bartender recommended it to us when we asked about his favorite places. He advised arriving early or mid-morning to snag a parking spot. We’re not sunbathers or swimmers, but it was fun to wade and soak up the scenery.

      Reply ↓
  34. Phoebe*

    Do anyone know of any online services that will prescribe birth control to you, and will also send it to your pharmacy (instead of filling it themselves)? My “maintenance” prescriptions are only covered by my insurance if I get them through Express Scripts.

    I checked out Nurx, but there’s so many reviews about them being horrible. Canceling prescriptions with no notice, sending prescriptions that were paused, customer service not helping, etc. (Their FAQ page wasn’t clear if they will prescribe and send to a pharmacy, so I sent a message to ask. I never got an answer.)

    Was hoping someone knew of a better option.

    Reply ↓
    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Mine is prescribed by my regular primary care doc, but if you aren’t able to go that route for some reason – does your insurance cover teledoc or virtual visits? They might have to order labs if you’re looking to start a new medication but if you’re continuing one you’ve been on they should be able to help with that. CVS Minute Clinic does both in person and virtual visits, and while they are associated with a pharmacy you don’t have to get the prescription from a CVS pharmacy, they’ll send it to your pharmacy of choice.

      Reply ↓
      1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        Depending on your needs, and FYI for anyone else reading through the thread, CVS is also carrying Opill, an OTC birth control pill with no prescription required, at $20/4 weeks.

        Reply ↓
      2. Phoebe*

        I honestly thought it was only gynecologists that would prescribe birth control pills. Mind blown, lol. I’ve been taking the same birth control prescription for years and want to continue that.

        I have an appointment with my primary care doc in June, so I could ask him then (I should have enough refills to get through June). And I’m also able to schedule teledoc appointments through Accolade. So I’ll have to ask them if I can get appointments for birth control prescriptions.

        Thank you!

        (Love your username!)

        Reply ↓
        1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          I’ve never actually seen a specialized gyn in 25 years of birth control history, always just a primary care doc. (For medication type BC. If I wanted an IUD or possibly an implant, that would probably be a gyn.) She just renews my scrip for a year at a time at my annual checkups – honestly that’s what reminds me when I need to schedule it, heh.

          Reply ↓
        2. CCisbasichealthcare*

          There’s a big push to make contraceptive care a part of basic healthcare by incorporating it into general practices! Fun fact: I actually work at a nonprofit that does exactly this. (We train primary care practices to provide patient-centered contraceptive care.)

          Reply ↓
    2. bluebird*

      Have used Nurx for about a year and a half. The only issue I’ve had is one of my mail shipments got lost with USPS and it was a pain to get that sorted out. I began with Nurx thinking I’d have the same brand as before, but apparently I wasn’t supposed to be on that specific brand due to my migraines with aura. So, I appreciate Nurx catching that when my in-person doctor didn’t for years!
      That said, they WILL send to a local pharmacy for you to pick up rather than mail. They’ll tell you that insurance may be applied differently because it’s a different pharmacy, but I had no issues with change in cost or anything.

      Reply ↓
    3. Qwerty*

      I think I’ve seen ads for Hers but don’t know their stuff gets filled. Try also googling “alternatives to Nurx” or “Nurx competitors” to learn of more options.

      Since you have insurance, any reason why your doctor isn’t an option for getting the prescription? If its because you don’t have one and there’s a long wait to get in as a new patient, call the office back and ask if they can help – mine redirected me to a free clinic associated with the doctor group where I could get a prescription asap.

      If your main reason for changing is cost and getting it covered by insurance, ask your pharmacy what it would cost if you don’t go through insurance. Mine was $18 for a 3 month supply at Kroger ($15 with the SingleCare Pharmacy Savings card – free to sign up) so I’ve found it easier to just buy it outright. The pharmacy did the work of getting my Rx converted from monthly to quarterly

      Reply ↓
  35. CTT*

    Hello! I recently bought one of those memory foam pillows that’s recommended for side sleepers. I love it, but because the pillow is made of slicker material, the pillow case keeps slipping off (this has happened with multiple different pillow cases). Has anyone else run into this and has a solution? I feel like there’s a sewing-based fix, but my skills are limited to cross-stitching.

    Reply ↓
    1. RagingADHD*

      If you have an extra long pillowcase (like a king size for a standard pillow) you can turn the end inside itself and tuck it on one side. That helps.

      You could also put ribbon ties or buttons & buttonholes on the ends to close it.

      Reply ↓
    2. Rogue Slime Mold*

      King size pillow cases. We have normal size pillows on a king size bed, and since my husband somehow unsheaths his pillows in the night he gets the king-size cases from the pillow set.

      Reply ↓
    3. RussianInTexas*

      The only middling solution I found is to get the pillow cases that have a pocket on one side, I don’t know how to explain it, but one end overlaps. But maybe you can find some safety pins that work?

      Reply ↓
      1. Rogue Slime Mold*

        Picture a length of fabric twice as long as the pillow plus six inches. Fold in the six inches and sew along the sides to make a pocket, which the end of the pillow will be set into. Then fold the whole thing over and stitch the sides together.

        This design, however works best (e.g. adding the 6″ inside the existing pillow case).

        Reply ↓
    4. Morning Dew*

      Why not try a pillow protector? We have Coop pillow protector that goes between regular pillow case and pillow itself. Protector’s outside material is not slick; pillowcase does not slide off for us. Maybe you can try that?

      Reply ↓
      1. Phoebe*

        I was going to suggest pillow protectors too. All the ones I’ve owned have zippers on them, so impossible to slide off. Just make sure you get one that isn’t waterproof (I think those would be weird to put your face on).

        Reply ↓
    5. Kathenus*

      I have a contour pillow and am a side sleeper and had this problem. Strangely enough I just changed the direction I put the pillow in the case and it completely stopped happening. I think the direction I lay on it with the orientation of the pillow case was causing it to slip/be pulled off, and reversing it eliminated it. Not sure if it would work for you but an easy thing to try.

      Reply ↓
    6. Sutemi*

      Could you put 2-3 small pieces of velcro at the open end of the pillowcase, so that the pillowcase stays shut?

      Reply ↓
    7. Sitting Pretty*

      I just use two pillow cases. The inside one is usually jersey knit because it’s a little more grippy. I put that one on in one direction and then put the top one on in the other.

      Reply ↓
  36. RussianInTexas*

    Someone that was looking to be a problem but ended up being not.
    Few days ago my partner noticed a black spec on one of cats fluff. He thought it moved. He thought it was a flea. Cue the freakout, because we had fleas before and it was not fun. Cue buying meds ASAP, trying to catch the cat to see, which Fred Floof did not appreciate.
    I finally got him. It was not a flea, but a spec of black fabric. I suggested to my partner that he might need new glasses.

    Reply ↓
    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      In the middle of all the basement flooding drama last week, ANOTHER water sensor in my alarm system went off and I was literally yelling expletives about what now, I can’t deal with this, etc etc. It turns out that my husband hadn’t closed the furnace room door properly and one of his chaos goblins (8 month old kittens) had gotten in there, decided the little puck on the floor under the water heater looked fun, and bapped it around the room until it fell into a drain, and he got in there and caught her right as she was about to dive in and go find it. (Goblin and sensor were both promptly rescued, the drain cover reseated properly, and the furnace room door fully closed.)

      Reply ↓
    2. GoryDetails*

      Re the “flea”: I can see myself doing that! (My current gotcha: I have a lot of floaters in my eyes, and sometimes they’re very much like gnats flying past – so when I have actual gnats in the house there are moments when I swat a moving black speck only to find that it isn’t out there, it’s inside my eyeball.)

      Reply ↓
    3. goddessoftransitory*

      Fleas are the WORST. Our two had them as catlings and it necessitated flea bombing two different apartments, washing everything cloth that we owned, and paying a very nice vet tech to come to our home and dip the little rascals (they won’t do so at the vet’s office for the obvious reason of not wanting to start an infestation there!)

      Reply ↓
      1. RussianInTexas*

        I don’t even know how they picked them up last time, all three cats are fully indoors, and it’s been over a year since they came from the shelter.
        And the orange ones are large enough they needed the expensive prescription medication for the cats over 12lb.

        Reply ↓
  37. L. Ron Jeremy*

    Which albums seemed to be in “everyone’s” record collections when you were growing up?

    When I was growing up in the 70s and 80s, there were certain albums that everyone seemed to own. Which records do you remember being everywhere? Frampton Comes Alive, the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, The Cars’ first album and AC/DC’s Back in Black are just a few that I recall.

    Reply ↓
    2. Kathenus*

      I grew up in the early 70’s and Ktel albums were the rage – basically the predecessor of the Now That’s What I Call Music series. I still have some of them including Ktel’s Believe in Music, which first came out around 1971.

      Reply ↓
    7. Zona the Great*

      “Frampton Comes Alive?! Everyone in the world knows Frampton Comes Alive! If you lived in the suburbs you were issued it. It came in the mail with samples of Tide.”

      Reply ↓
    8. Eff Walsingham*

      My uncle used to say that the Eurythmics and Elvis Costello were the two touchstones of modern music.

      Reply ↓
  38. FaintlyMacabre*

    Renters- how often does your rental get inspected? My current place has a routine inspection every 3 months. This was not in the lease. I have never had this level of inspection before- heck, I can’t even remember getting any sort of routine inspection! My sister (same city) has a yearly inspection written into her lease. How common are these? I like the house and the area, but having some random dude take pictures of my closets every three months is starting to feel gross.

    Reply ↓
    1. Squirrel Nutkin (the Teach, not the Admin)*

      That seems super intrusive! My NYC landlord technically has the right to inspect once a year, but in point of fact, they only come in when there is a problem (like a leak that is affecting multiple floors).

      Depending on how much you want to challenge this, you could consult a lawyer who is experienced in property law and see what they say. On the other hand, if you’re getting a good price in this abysmal housing market, I can see an argument for putting up with this for a while. Is your landlord a single owner or a property management company? If it’s an individual, maybe after a year or so of seeing that you take good care of the place, your landlord will calm down and you can talk about having yearly inspections instead?

      On the other hand, do you think the landlord is being a creeper and doing something untoward (cameras, etc..)? If so, that is a whole different conversation, and you could pull in someone to sweep the place for illicit electronics and bring in law enforcement if need be.

      Reply ↓
    2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I never had one when I was renting. Whether I was ok with it would depend entirely on what they were inspecting. The building, plumbing, electrical to promptly identify issues? To an extent that’s maybe a good thing that they’re being proactive and it would bother me a lot less than if they were like, checking to see if I vacuum enough and if the tub is cleaned to their satisfaction.

      Reply ↓
    3. fhqwhgads*

      It’s very uncommon for this to occur more than annually, unless there’s some specific suspected problem they’re trying to investigate. But “routine” quarterly, nah.

      Reply ↓
    4. Cordelia*

      Mine is meant to be every 3 months, it’s in the lease – I’m in the UK and I think that’s pretty standard. They don’t check cleaning standards though, just see if I’m causing any damage or if there is anything structural that needs repairing. I’m reasonably clean and tidy generally, but don’t clean up especially before they come, leave the morning’s washing up sitting there, laundry drying etc. and it’s always fine. It’s quite handy really as I can get them to take a look at small things that need fixing but that I haven’t bothered reporting.

      Reply ↓
      1. Sloanicota*

        I think I agree that if someone is going to come in every three months (and I agree, I would hate this, and I would not like the pictures – and if it’s not in the lease I’m not sure you have to accept it, although most leases say something like reasonable right to enter with sufficient warning) I would store up all the little complaints I have and hand them over at that time, expecting quick repairs since apparently this owner has a LOT of extra time on their hands.

        Reply ↓
        1. Cordelia*

          yes that’s basically what I do – it’s not the owner though, it’s the management company, who actually outsource to another company whose whole role is doing inspections. Maybe this is a lot more common and accepted in the UK!

          Reply ↓
    5. Alan*

      Landlord, not a renter, but our property management company inspects every 1-2 years. Three months is weird. And honestly, I’m not sure why they would be taking closet pictures! They should just be looking to make sure that there is no conspicuous damage, large holes in the walls, signs of mold, major damage to appliances, etc. What you’re describing sounds expensive for the property manager, as well as creepily invasive.

      Reply ↓
    7. Rara Avis*

      Our landlord comes to check the smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detector twice a year. (Although we have contact more often than that because it’s an old house and there’s always something going on.)

      Reply ↓
    8. RagingADHD*

      If it’s not in the lease and you aren’t personally watching them every time, please check your apartment for hidden cameras and check your local landlord-tenant laws. As Cordelia mentioned, if it were standard in your area it would be in writing.

      This is unusual and intrusive enough that it is worth checking to make sure there’s nothing shady going on. Better to check and be wrong than to not check and be wrong about that.

      Reply ↓
    9. goddessoftransitory*

      Every year or so, but it’s City employees checking water heaters and balconies and such for structural issues.

      Reply ↓
  39. Suprisingly ADHD*

    Kitchen faucet recommendations? Are there any brands I should stay away from? Is there a specific faucet that you really like?
    We have to replace two in my house and you were all super helpful about printers a few weeks ago so I figured I’d ask here.
    The thing that we would like the most is that it has a wide range of “warm,” the current one has about 1/8 inch between “burns your skin” and “below room temperature”. One super nice bonus feature would be the ability to quickly fill a large pot, most plumbing fixtures don’t have a high volume option anymore.

    Reply ↓
    1. Professor Plum*

      I can’t tell you what brand I have—it was on sale at Costco once—but it has a remote sensor where I turn it on and off by waving at it. I love it in the kitchen. So easy to turn the water on with messy hands, rinsing dishes etc. It does confuse guests, but I know it’s a feature I’ll always look for in a kitchen faucet.

      Reply ↓
    2. Reba*

      re: volume, the max allowed in the U.S. 2.2 gpm, but most manufacturers are using 1.8. So if this is important, you can shop/sort by gpm.
      We installed a single handle Brizo and really like it.

      Reply ↓
    3. Alan*

      We got Grohe when we remodeled and it was a mistake. They were really expensive, and they needed multiple repairs before we finally gave up and replaced them with a cheaper standard (Moen? Price Pfister? I don’t remember).

      Reply ↓
    4. Bluebell Brenham*

      I have a Moen with motion sense and I love it! It can be a little tricky when it’s time to replace the batteries every few years, but it’s so worth it to be able to turn the water on if your hands are sticky, or for filling pots easily. Temp is good and controls are fine. I have the Arbor model.

      Reply ↓
      1. Zephy*

        Few YEARS? What kind of lantern batteries does your Moen run on? My inlaws got one of those, one of the models that runs on AAs, and those things last like 10 days tops. Eventually they just bit the bullet and had a guy come in to hard-wire in the faucet instead of having to replace the batteries twice a month. Why they opted for this style of faucet in the first place I’ll never know.

        Reply ↓
        1. Professor Plum*

          My sensor faucet—bought from Costco, mentioned above—uses AAs and I also replace them every few years.

          Reply ↓
        2. Bluebell Brenham*

          Regular batteries, and they seem to last about 1-2 years. We use the faucet a normal amount- we cook most night, and have a dishwasher. Maybe your in-laws had a faulty faucet???

          Reply ↓
    5. Girasol*

      I replaced the old Delta that came with the house and had irreparable leak issues with a tall Moen with a pull-out sprayer and a soap dispenser. Pull down sprayer is wonderful.

      Reply ↓
  40. Travelling Man*

    Looking for suggestions for travel underwear (can wash in sink and will dry overnight) for men – must be regular briefs (not boxer briefs or bikini briefs). Thanks.

    Reply ↓
    1. A313*

      No brand suggestions, but silk could be an option, as it dries pretty quickly. Also, after washing, you can roll it up in a towel, which will get extra water out easily.

      Reply ↓
  41. Bike Walk Bake Books*

    Gardeners, what are you planting right now? How’s it going? What other prep chores are on the list?

    I put seeds for a variety of greens into two raised beds three weeks ago. The arugula, mesclun, and bok choy are doing great, the romaine and spinach barely trying. I’m going to put in new seeds from different varieties of those latter two. The seeds I planted may have been a bit older and if not I’ll just have multiple varieties going.

    Some of my herb pots wintered over well, which is often the case in my climate (zone 8, Maritime Northwest in western Washington).

    This weekend I’m going to fluff up/top off my 3 bigger raised beds and a bunch of big pots so they’re ready when it gets a bit warmer. I don’t have a great spot to start seeds indoors but I may give it a shot with some yellow summer squash and zucchini, maybe some heirloom tomatoes because someone gave me seeds.

    I’m reading Vegetables Love Flowers and am excited about picking out some annual cutting flowers that I’ll plant in or near the raised beds to increase pollinator happiness. The book was great for teaching me to pay more attention to soil temperature instead of just planting because I have a weekend free, although the romaine and spinach may not think I really learned.

    Reply ↓
    1. Not That Jane*

      Setting out tomatoes in a couple weeks, which is a bit of a gamble in my area. I got my soil tested last summer and heavily amended it earlier this spring, which has meant that the normal early spring crops didn’t go in. But hopefully the payoff is in healthier summer plants.

      Discovered that the squirrels DIDN’T get all the Jerusalem artichoke tubers after all, so they will be a new experiment for me this year.

      And I’m enjoying the many volunteers we are starting to get from things I’ve planted in the past. Delphiniums, cornflowers, arugula, kale, dill, the omnipresent parsley, and so much chervil. What am I supposed to do with all this chervil? :D

      Reply ↓
    2. Girasol*

      It’s just lettuce and snap pea season here so far, too early for much else. In three weeks carrots and beans go in along with zinnias, marigolds, nasturtiums, and more lettuce. Then about two weeks later beets, chard, melons, and squash. I don’t know if vegetables love flowers but I think a little color makes the garden look so much more cheerful. besides, I like a bud vase or two around the house all summer.

      Reply ↓
    3. GoryDetails*

      I’ve got a bunch of cosmos seedlings, which I hope will survive indoors until the weather allows me to take them outside. (Had two inches of snow this morning, so… not quite yet!)

      Reply ↓
  42. Craft Ideas*

    Craft projects that are easy on the eyes? Spring weather/storms come with bad migraines for me where light is my enemy. I downgraded from cross-stitch to knitting/crochet, but now even knitting is too visual for me. I need something that I can do easily from the couch without taking up too much space. With so many crafters here, I’m hoping others have explored more options when injury or age start getting in the way?

    I joke that crafting is my therapy – something about the physical activity, tactile feedback, and making something for others is good for my brain, plus the very much needed distraction from intense pain. Very much appreciate anything that will help me retain this. All I’m finding is those no-sew fleece blankets which does not fill that need (and gets hopelessly covered in cat hair)

    Reply ↓
  43. Goose*

    Happy Passover to those observing/celebrating! I’m trying to get through the week without buying any matzo (I eat kitniyot so I’ll be able have rice etc.). Please share your favorite kosher for Passover meals that don’t require matzo!

    Reply ↓

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