update: my coworker responds to everything I ask him to do with profanity and “your mom” jokes

by Alison Green on March 31, 2017

Remember the letter from the person whose coworker responded to everything she asked him to do with profanity, name-calling, flat refusals, and and “your mom” jokes? She updated earlier here and here, and here’s the latest.

Last year I wrote to you a couple times about my rude file clerk. My last update in December was so depressing! I actually cringed when I went back and looked at the posts about my situation to remind myself of what had been going on. I was in a pretty dark place but I thought I’d write in one more time since there’s finally a happy ending. :)

Around mid-January or so, Boss called me and Clerk into an informal meeting. Turns out, Clerk asked Director about transferring to a different position as a clinic assistant, which means he would be on a different floor, doing completely unrelated stuff and I’d basically never see him ever. It had been in the works “for a while” (I think based on what Clerk said, this probably came about right around the time of my second update) but they didn’t want to mention it to me until they knew for sure what was going to happen. I think they were both nervous about how I would react. I was kinda taken aback at first, but that was mostly because I thought Clerk wanted to leave the company, not get more involved, but he did always say that he just really hates sitting at a desk all day shuffling papers, so I wasn’t totally shocked.

It’s a good change for us both since now he gets to work with patients and be up in the thick of the activity all day and I get my peace and quiet (and no verbal abuse). We talked a bit about some of the plans for the department and I was pretty excited about making some changes (and Boss also alluded to the possibility of a title bump/raise, which is exciting). I actually waited until after the meeting and went back to talk to Boss about my ideas one on one since I didn’t want Clerk to think I was eager for him to get gone so I could change absolutely everything … I mean, I am, but you know. I talked to Clerk after the meeting and it was pretty chill.

Clerk has been switching over to the new position little by little and will probably fully shift over once we hire a new file clerk (we still haven’t found anyone, so they’re keeping Clerk dangling by a thread so we can at least say someone did a tiny bit of filing once a day… derp). Right now I only see him for the first hour and a half of the day, then maybe half an hour right before we leave. We get along much better now, as I’m sure you can imagine! He’s really happy with what he’s doing now, and I’ve already gotten the ball rolling on some changes. Boss has been giving me more and more opportunities to take initiative and show some of the skills I picked up over the last year (thanks to reading your blog!) and spent almost my entire performance review praising my improved communication skills up and down the block, so I think all the drama wound up paying off in the form of lessons learned. That, combined with finally buying my first car, unburdening myself of a lot of financial stress, and losing almost 40 lbs since the first of the year, has really flipped things turnways for me since December. I’m feeling good about my job again, and just in general, and can’t wait to see what the future brings.

Thank you and your readers so much again for all your advice and support. It was truly invaluable to me at a time when I needed it most.

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  1. nonprofit fun*

    I’m so glad OP finally gets to have some peace and quiet and focus on her work. But I worry about this company’s judgement. Instead of appropriately disciplining this employee they rewarded him with a promotion. That tells me they don’t take abusive behavior seriously.

    1. AMT*

      I’m sad about any ending that doesn’t involve Clerk getting fired and then falling into a hole. This is not run-of-the-mill rudeness. This is repeatedly calling your boss a fat f*ck. I am going insane over the fact that no one—not HR, not OP’s boss—thought that any of this was in any way actionable.

      1. PB*

        Yes. Clerk deserves to be let go, not move into a better position. But at the same time, I’m really happy that things are looking up for OP.

      2. AMG*

        Of course, but this is the next best thing. I will send good vibes to whoever has to work with Clerk.

      3. Purest Green*

        Ugh, same. I realize in the real world there is no fairness wand you can wave to ensure people get their comeuppance, but even at my most cynical I wouldn’t expect such a sexist jerkhole to not be reprimanded by his employer, and certainly not rewarded.

        1. Jadelyn*

          Rocks fall. Everybody dies.

          (it’s the frustrated-GM approach to treating bad characters!)

          2. Jolie*

            Remember the lawyer boss who demanded a paralegal drive him in the middle of the night with no notice and then tried to penalise her for not being formally dressed?

            I want Rude Clerk to replace his paralegal driver, à la wife swap.

          3. Perse's Mom*

            I knew a GM who went the ‘a dragon appears, eats you, and poops you out later’ route.

          4. Anonyby*

            I was in a game where we (as a party of thieves) took what was supposed to be a breather episode and managed to steal 5 warships.

            In retaliation, our GM set a souped-up Mother of Oblivion on us that he called a Grandmother of Oblivion. We managed to skate out of it with only one ship destroyed, but he considered us sufficiently punished. :D

            1. AthenaC*

              Some time ago, a bunch of us played a game in which my husband’s character got turned into a chicken, but that’s okay because he was able to fly the ship as a chicken. :D

        2. The Not Mad But Occasionally Irritable Scientist*

          Follow the adventures of our plucky heroes, Jane and Wakeen, as they navigate the world’s worst teapot company!

          2. Why Don't We Do It in the Code*

            And Wakeen’s alter ego, Joaquin. Plus there would be 20 jerky guys named Fergus!

            1. Canadian Natasha*

              Or one jerk named Fergus who keeps coming back disguised as someone else like the villain from A Series of Unfortunate Events? ;)

          3. The Not Mad But Occasionally Irritable Scientist*

            OOOH OOOH I got it! It’s a choose your own adventure novel! “If you choose to go to the convention anyway to show initiative and moxie, turn to page 302. If you choose to stay at home and figure out other ways to advance your career, turn to page 378.”

      6. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

        Yes, agreed. And I’m still mad at OP’s boss. But I’m trying to temper my personal rage with being very happy that OP feels better and is in a less directly abusive position than before.

    2. Tuxedo Cat*

      This is pretty much how I feel. I’m also concerned that he’s working with patients. I hope for everyone’s sake he can maintain professionalism and not treat patients the way he treated the OP, but I have my doubts.

      1. blackcat*

        Yeah, I mean, if I’m a patient in a situation, I don’t want a sexist d-bag having ANYTHING to do with my care.

        I’ve been treated poorly by people in medical settings because of my gender before. It’s really awful. And this company is setting patients up for that :(

        1. Trig*

          Well… maybe if he pulls that shit with patients, they’ll complain, and it’ll make this company take things more seriously? (Of course it’s still awful hey didn’t do that for LW.)

          1. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

            Part of me hopes he tries something with a patient and gets immediately fired for it. This is my most petty side coming out.

            1. Amber T*

              Not petty. If he’s dumb enough to think his behavior is appropriate in front of a coworker/boss/in the work place in general, there’s a good chance he’s dumb enough to think his behavior is appropriate in front of patients. I just hope the patients are able to report him – it’s hard to report when you’re a patient out of fear of some sort of retribution.

              1. Marisol*

                I have the same sentiments about the coworker screwing up and getting fired as you both, and the same shadenfreude (I think) as Princess C, and I think the reason it’s problematic is if the coworker screws up now, a patient could be adversely affected in some way. I hate to think of someone vulnerable in a doctor’s office getting mistreated. So on one hand, I hope it happens so the douche gets fired, on the other hand, the fallout is kind of unthinkable.

                1. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

                  Agreed—this is why I’m calling my comments petty. I would not want someone’s health or wellbeing to have to be placed in jeopardy before OP’s employer does the right thing. :(

            2. Desdemona*

              That isn’t petty, it’s hoping he’ll self destruct before he can inflict the damage he’s almost certain to inflict on other innocent bystanders. He could well be smart enough to understand he can’t get away with openly treating patients the way he treated OP, but manages to be exactly contemptuous and dismissive enough to make them feel every bit as helpless and downtrodden as she did, without giving them enough to be taken seriously by this practice’s management when they complain. (I get the feeling that’s a pretty low bar in this company, even if they don’t outright say to the patients, “You shouldn’t act so much like Hitler.”)

      2. a*

        Right?! I’m happy for OP, but my brain did a massive record-scratch at the phrase “working with patients.” Dude sounds like a walking liability. On the other hand so does this whole toxic company…

      3. motherofdragons*

        This jumped out to me too! This is a person whose internal compass makes them think that calling a superior a “fat f***” is completely acceptable, and he is somehow found suitable to work with patients?? Terrifying.

      4. Bananistan*

        Yeah, I am not happy about that at all. People are saying if he pulls that with a patient he’ll get fired, but not a single patient deserves to deal with that. And I’m sure it will take more than one before he actually gets reported.

      5. StrikingFalcon*

        Right? I am so concerned that this company thought the appropriate response to this kind of blatantly hostile environment was to move the person to working with patients (!!!!!). Op, I really think you need to continue looking for a new job. You’re working under a completely ineffectual manager, at a company with ineffectual HR, who let you be verbally abused for a long time, and blamed you for it. I can’t imagine there aren’t other problems, and I think moving to another company where workers are actually respected would be good for you and your career.

    3. The Not Mad But Occasionally Irritable Scientist*

      Yeah, I’m happy that OP’s situation has improved, but it’s genuinely upsetting that he’s getting rewarded with work that makes him happy and fulfilled, instead of getting consequences for being an abusive, misogynist asshat for months. This person should have been fired months ago, not allowed to achieve his dreams.

      4. eplawyer*

        What’s the lesson we have learned here boys and girls? That if you are unhappy in your current position, act unprofessional, be an abusive jerk, and the company will move you to your dream position so you are no longer unhappy.

        Just like a toddler screaming for a toy in the store.

        1. pope suburban*

          Well, the boys have learned that, at any rate. The girls have learned that they will be expected to smile through said abusive behavior until they boys are rewarded for their jerkishness with a promotion (Which comes with an ever-larger scope of people to hurt and belittle, yay!)

          I mean, like…I am happy that OP is free and advancing. I really am. That was priority number one here. But for it to happen because this horrific manbaby gets to skate on by without ever having to answer for his appalling rudeness? No. That does not make me happy. That is not right, that does not reflect well on the company, and that may well put people’s health/lives at risk. Hard pass on that half of the deal.

      5. Noobtastic*

        Yeah, this and the working with patients just broke my brain.

        Happy for the OP, but you know, I would still advise jumping ship, because this is a lawsuit waiting to happen, and it’s easier to find a job when you’re still employed than when you’ve just been laid off because your company explodes. Plus, you get all that “You worked for the misogynistic, fat-phobic, abusive, treats their customers like dirt company? Ewwwwwww!” on your clothes, and it is so hard to wash out.

    4. EA*

      Uh…

      I’m glad she is happy and it is resolved. But dear god why did they promote that douchebag?

    6. Emily*

      Maybe, but also–it could be that this employee was really unhappy and was not handling it well, and it was coming out as hostility towards OP. Not that that is OK, but the turnaround in behavior makes it seem like perhaps the cause of the behavior was the clerk hating his job. Firing people is a PITA–the employer identified value in this employee, so maybe this will be a win-win for everyone? They don’t have to fire someone, therefore having an unemployment claim against them, they get to take their time hiring a replacement, and they get another job filled.

      Even though it would feel good to have bad behavior punished, that is not always really useful in the long term.

      1. Aurion*

        I disagree strongly. Sure, when we’re frustrated sometimes that bleeds out into behaviours we’re not really proud of. But when you deliberately refuse to do work that is being assigned to you by your lead, call her a fat f***, tell her to “be quiet woman, men are talking”, and the rest of the behaviour this clerk exhibited? That’s not just frustration bleeding through, that’s deliberately shitty behaviour. I don’t give a crap if the Clerk hated his job with the passion of a thousand suns, there are lines and you do not cross them. And this guy is now overseeing patient care?! I wouldn’t trust him to take care of a cactus.

        What’s going to happen the next time he gets frustrated by something on the job? Doubly so if it’s a patient that frustrated him? Everyone I know who has a customer-facing job has bad days and unreasonable customers. Is he going to start hurling misogynistic slurs at the patients?

        1. Gadfly*

          The fact that his frustration just happened to take the form of being a sexist douchebag? That means he is a sexist douchebag who maybe hides it better when he is happy. Not that he is otherwise a nice person who turns into Mr Hyde when pissy.

          And if it is more important to not have to deal with firing someone than to have your employees behave with respect to one another, that is a REALLY shitty company with awful priorities.

          2. sstabeler*

            I don’t actually disagree with you, but the company may have seen it as transferring the employee to a job that that is a better fit for the employee.

            After all, if transferring this douchebag to a patient-facing position means he is able to keep his doucheness to himself, does it make a massive difference? (sort of like I don’t care if an employee of a business I need to deal with thinks people with Aspergers Syndrome- which I have- should be locked up in mental hospitals in the “ha ha, look at these freaks” sense, as long as they treat me reasonably (which, for someone who is serving a customer, is “like anybody else”, for a co-worker/boss, it means being a little bit tolerant of me seemingly slacking off occasionally, provided I get the work done on time. (basically, sometimes I can’t concentrate on my work no matter what- so I will do something else until I can concentrate again. I consider it something of a mental break- I do something that doesn’t require the same amount of thought to give my brain a rest, then get back to work))

            1. Gadfly*

              He’s already proven that he will opportunistically violate basic decent professional behavior. I don’t think transferring him to keep him happy is a good idea, because then you’ve set up a situation where you’ve implied keeping him happy enough to do his job is your responsibility.Maybe beforehand, but afterwards that only flies if there is clear evidence he understands the problem (and it the problem isn’t that he was not happy.)

        2. Kyrielle*

          I would love him to take care of a cactus, or a whole bunch of them.

          Mostly because I have visions of cactus spines in hands, admittedly.

          1. Sylvia*

            I would, too. I’d be happy to shoot him an email about how to take care of one. I could tell him where to put it.

            1. Noobtastic*

              I would tell him that cactuses really hate sunshine, and that he should find a spot where the sun does not shine to permanently house his cactus collection.

      2. hbc*

        The solution to “employee who reacts with hostility when unhappy” is not just to address the unhappiness. You have to deal with the hostility too, because what happens when he has a rough day with the patients, or his team loses a game on an obvious referee error, or any number of the ways we can be made unhappy even when our jobs are generally fulfilling?

        At *best*, this should have been “Okay, you hate this job and want the other one, but you cannot possibly be moved up with your current behavior. I need to see perfect behavior from you for X months before I put you anywhere near a patient.”

      3. designbot*

        So what happens the next time he’s unhappy with something or other, now that he’s learned that acting completely inappropriately totally gets him what he wants?

        1. Lance*

          Exactly. It’s fine and all to take away the current source of unhappiness, but what then? Do you keep doing the same for the future, giving him rewards so that you don’t have to deal with his atrocious behavior? That’s… really not a functional way to do things, by any stretch.

      4. Addison (OP)*

        OP here… you kind of got it in one, honestly. Like, don’t get me wrong, I FULLY agree that Clerk was way out of line and am I still miffed that nobody did anything about his nonsense? Yeah kinda. Boss sucked, HR sucked, it all sucked. But he really hated his role and that kind of attitude really does bleed into the space around you. Again- completely does not justify his BS. But since he started making the switch to the new role his behavior’s completely 180’d and I haven’t heard an inappropriate-sounding peep out of him since. He’s young and green, like I am/was and I think he’s getting the opportunity to learn from his mistakes and make an improvement the way I did… does he deserve it? Probably not, but if it works out for the better for both of us then I’m pleased to just let it go and get back to my life.

        (Although I will admit this would have worked out about the same for me if he were fired- hooray! He’s gone! + bonus justice points. But I won’t see hide or hair of him pretty much ever again once he finishes switching over to his new role anyhow so meh, you go do you Clerk. I have a whole department to help rework, and eventually I’m hoping to take Boss’ job when she leaves- she’s been dropping hints that that may be happening soon and we discussed the possibility of me being considered for it during my yearly eval, “you should definitely apply” got said. I’ve already decided if that doesn’t pan out that I’m for sure going to look for a new job because as much as I love this one, I can’t do it forever and it’s already been 4 years. Sky’s the limit without that giant butthead in my way, either way. I’m just happy it’s over.)

        1. INFJ*

          That’s an interesting perspective to have, and speaks volume to your maturity/empathy. Let’s hope for the sake of everyone he works with that he is a changed person.

          Still, the fact that the company didn’t do anything about his abusive behavior means it could happen again… I definitely would still be job hunting if it were me.

        2. Midge*

          At least if you’re job hunting in the near future you have great answers for how you deal with conflict and difficult situations!

          I’m so happy for all the good changes that have happened for you, OP! And also morally outraged at the good things that have happened for Clerk. FWIW I think I would have spent every last ounce of my social capital getting him fired, so good for you for sticking with it and seeing the positives in the situation.

        3. Lance*

          Honestly speaking… it’s great that his attitude seems to have changed a lot, including toward you. But I think he still deserves a good kick in the rear (or multiple!) for all that he put you through. If you think you’re getting on better terms with him, now or soon might be a good time to draw definite attention to the kind of stuff you were dealing with even outside the workplace at that point. Young or not, he has to know that that’s never alright, ever, under any circumstance.

          1. Starbuck*

            Yeah, I honesty doubt he learned anything from this. His behavior was totally unacceptable, was allowed to continue for ages, and what were the consequences for him? A promotion. If there was a lesson here, it’s that people in power won’t stop him from mistreating (really, abusing) women. Yikes.

          2. Addison (OP)*

            I agree, and honestly I don’t think this would have gone the way it did if not for a certain element of nepotism, so I’m pretty leery about that, but at the same time, nepotism is pretty much enormous in the company I work for so I guess I’ve gotten used to it. (Sad!)

            I remember shortly after the meeting in January when Clerk and I were chatting by ourselves that I mentioned he won’t be able to get away with cracking jokes and using sarcasm up in the thick of things like he could down in the admin office (where the two of us were in our own quiet office, for one, and for another there’s barely anyone on our floor and guests/patients/etc rarely venture there). He was quick to say “oh I know, I know” and I’d like to believe he really does, but on the bright side, any shenanigans he pulls will get shut down *real* quick. So if he hasn’t learned yet (and I don’t see how he could have considering how much he got away with me, completely unchecked) he will soon!

            1. NEW YEAR, NEW ME*

              Agreed. But it’s upsetting the fact that he does not acknowledge and/or recognize how he mistreated you. Sooner or later, he might cross a line with someone and the outcome may be far different.

              1. Addison (OP)*

                True. I never got an apology beyond the canned ones we gave each other during that meeting with Boss. I had this feeling that he thinks he’s doing me a favor by moving to a different position just based on some of the things he’s said (harmless stuff like “I bet it’s super quiet in here now that I’m upstairs all the time huh”) which… I guess he kind of is? Not that he decided to do this on my behalf (obviously), but I think he… recognizes that we were kind of irreparably incompatible being stuck in an enclosed space together and took initiative to go away on his own. Boy, bye.

                I dunno how much of a comfort it is, but he’ll be working in large open-space rooms with multiple patients and staff all around him so there’s not much opportunity for him to get anyone isolated and bully them either. So I have hope that not hating what he’s doing + lots of witnesses will eliminate all that, but if it does happen again maybe he’ll actually get punished next time. :\

        4. Bea*

          I’ll admit I’m still outraged by how you were treated and the company being too soft to protect you.

          However you’re building a career and your abuser is going to be far away from you. So overall that’s all that matters to me

        5. Gadfly*

          “So he only is a sexist douchebag when frustrated, so that makes it okay” seems to be a bit of a theme… I’m glad for you, but this is really bad logic for the company to work by.

        6. ArtsNerd*

          I’m super happy for you! Agreed with everyone else that the company reacted horribly and coworker deserves a firing or worse, but it’s out of your hands and he’s FINALLY getting out of your hair. You’ve got a great perspective on this and you’re going to go far.

          Looking forward to your next update :)

      5. seejay*

        you are aware too that the unhappy employee was also known for making Sandy Hook jokes right? Plus some other really outrageous atrocious behaviours.

        There’s nowhere in the *world* that someone gets a pass on that, nevermind a promotion. We’re not talking about someone who was unhappy and being a grumpface and lashing out, this guy had some egregious attitude problems that warranted a swift kick in the ass with a frozen mukluk right where the sun don’t shine.

      6. Marisol*

        I think that could be true if the employee was acting out in a less outrageous way. Perhaps someone who was acting huffy, or a bit lazy, or unconcerned that they were making mistakes…maybe that level of misconduct wouldn’t warrant an automatic firing and some leniency would be called for. But this coworker crossed a lot of very definite lines. His level of misconduct was severe.

      7. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

        Yeah, this is a big bowl of “nope” for me. He was abusive, threatening, harassing, insubordinate, and refused to perform his basic job functions. That should never be rewarded with a promotion to a person’s ideal job. When you are frustrated in your job, you can apply to transfer, find a new job, or suck it up. But it is never ok to behave like an emotional terrorist and pitch a fit because you’re mad you aren’t getting your way. Saying it’s not professional is a gross understatement.

        And frankly, they should have fired him for cause. You don’t have to worry about covering unemployment then, either. And who cares if they have to hire someone? He wasn’t doing his work, so how is that possibly better than replacing him? I frankly think the employer took the lazy way out while putting OP in active danger and subjecting her to a hostile work environment. This guy is a walking lawsuit, and the idea that he’ll behave now that he has what he wants is extremely distasteful.

      8. pope suburban*

        As someone who is really unhappy in her job, and who is subject to harassment from management, I disagree. I understand burnout and frustration, and I quash the impulse to lash out or to simply make a pointed-but-true remark a lot more than I want to have to. But I don’t, say, refer to other employees with racist language, or insult clients when they are hostile toward me. I am an adult and I need to be responsible for my own emotional regulation. In fact, part of what frustrates me about my CEO is that he does not do this (In a sexist way, because he is a sexist), whence comes the harassment I referenced above. From here in the trenches, I cannot excuse one bit of this guy’s behavior, as an adult or as an employee.

        2. A Person*

          This.

          My co-workers drive me up the wall. I deal with this by not talking to them unless I need to and generally minding my own business. The only criticisms I make are in-the-moment-professional ones ex: Please don’t interrupt me when I’m talking to a client. Please don’t echo my instructions the second after I say them. etc. I roll my eyes when they aren’t looking, plan my budget for the next six months and think about implementing Operation Get Fancy Qualification.

          This guy went so far over the line he may as well be in Andromeda. How he wasn’t fired with extreme prejudice is an affront to all decency.

    8. AFRC*

      That was my first thought – the boss should have fired him. Period. Just because you don’t like what you’re doing doesn’t give you permission to act in a completely unacceptable way. And that he HELPED him make the move! But I’m glad the OP is rid of this headache!

    9. I'm Not Phyllis*

      I was going to say basically the same thing. I’m glad that OP gets some peace, but dude should have been fired instead of promoted/moved on to become someone else’s problem. I do worry about this company’s judgment! But so happy for OP.

    10. Patricia Reilly*

      Agreed in spades! And did OP say that he’d be working with patients?!? That kind of hateful, self centered, slackwit works with the sick? Let’s hope it isn’t in a ob/gyn clinic.

    11. wingmaster*

      I have read somewhere that putting salt in the wash helps with that, but I’ve never tried it myself

  2. Kimberly R*

    I’m not happy Clerk gets rewarded for his bad behavior with a job change. But since that isn’t OP’s call to make…

    OP, I’m glad he’s leaving and you get to have a peace and quiet again! Way to go with the lifestyle and work changes. Your hard work is really paying off and it also validates that you’re on the right path to success. So happy to have a great update!

  3. Artemesia*

    I am so glad that you are no longer being constantly subjected to this disrespect but a little sad that he essentially has been promoted in spite of being such a jerk. You still seem to have an attitude that you need to avoid, submit, not rock the boat and comply — rather than push back hard against unconscionable behavior towards yourself. You never deserved this treatment and I hope if anyone else in the future preys on you like this you will confront it the FIRST time it happens and go to the boss the second time it happens rather than putting up with it. Your boss has handled this incredibly badly; this person should have been fired. But your own willingness to bend and submit and accept plays into continued victimization. You don’t deserve this; don’t ‘take it’ again.

    1. Lily in NYC*

      Yeah, this. He got away with horrendous behavior. I hope he acts like this in his new role and gets shit-canned by a boss who is not a wimp (OP, I’m referring to your boss, not you!). But at least OP won’t have to deal with his crap.

      1. Addison (OP)*

        Oh yes, the Director is his boss now (although yesterday or the day before I heard him saying to Boss that his mom is supposed to be the supervisor between him and Director? I squinted SUPER hard at that but… ok… not my business I guess……) and she is. Um. Stern. Let’s put it this way, I learned about my professional communication and behavior issues *real* fast with her, a couple years back or so. I don’t recall what exactly I did but during a staff meeting I apparently rolled my eyes while I was talking and delivered what I was saying in a less than polished way (like using too much humor/kinda being sarcastic, I tended to do that a lot when I was nervous) and she absolutely hated it. She cut me out of co-leading a workshop directly related to my department, I happened to spot it on the calendar and asked Boss, and Boss got super nervous and said “ummmm you should talk to Director, actually let’s go talk to her together.” We went and met with Director and she tore me about 15 new ones over how I’d acted at the staff meeting, called me flippant, immature, unprofessional, and rude, said “frankly, I don’t want to work with you because of your behavior” and that she didn’t expect much more from me than what I’d shown because “you’re really young and don’t know what you’re doing.” She wasn’t…………… wrong by any means, but I was so thrown by how harsh she was that I cried for like three days lol. Once I separated the stuff I took personally from the actual feedback it was pretty useful though. Never had any problems with that ever again.

        He better pray he never gives her a reason to tear into him like that over his nonsense, boy howdy. Heck of a lot worse than eyerolls and sarcasm. She might just unhinge her jaw and bite him in half and be done with it.

        1. misspiggy*

          Dear God. Completely toxic in the other direction. OP, you have incredible strength and nerves of steel for putting up with this cavalcade of terrible people. If you do decide to seek pastures new, you will be able to handle anything. And you may well find that other places are incredibly better and easier.

          I don’t want to sound like I’m piling on, telling you to leave. It’s not that we want to tell you what to do, and you may have very strong reasons to stay. It’s just that you may have got so used to dreadful behaviour that you don’t realise what else is out there, how great you are, and how well qualified you are for something fully rewarding.

          1. Noobtastic*

            Yes, OP, that ripping into you like that, after you had to seek her out to find out what was wrong (secret punishment? How is that even vaguely useful or professional?!), is NOT appropriate workplace behavior, either.

            The management is just all up in Wrongland, here. I’m glad you’re happier than you were before, but if you get out of this sea of poison, and start swimming in clear water, you’ll be ecstatic! You already know how to take criticism, and how to remain professional when you are unhappy (So how is the “but he was unhappy” argument supposed to work, huh? He should have been professional, like you!), and you know how to hang in there when the going gets tough. Even in the clearest water, winds can whip up some choppy seas. You’ll really thrive in a functional environment.

            Please send us another update, soon. Tell us if you get out, or if Clerk gets fired, and hopefully that he does not do horrible harm to vulnerable patients. He’s the sort of “medical service personnel” that make fat women with cancer decide they’d rather just stay home and lie chanting on a bed of star-crystals until they become one with the universe than actually seek medical treatment ever again.

          2. Tedious Cat*

            Yes, exactly. OP, I’m in awe of your positive attitude and empathy, and they will serve you well going forward, so you really figured out a way to make lemonade out of lemons. But this place truly doesn’t deserve you.

        2. Zathras*

          I wouldn’t get my hopes up, if she was going to tear into him for poor behavior, she would have done it while raising him. Not that poor behavior from young adults is necessarily always tied to poor parenting, but from what you describe this woman is toxic too.

          If she had concerns with your polish/professionalism she should have addressed it immediately so you could correct the problem, not secretly punished you for it. Maybe not in the moment, but she could have asked you for a meeting the next day or just pulled you aside afterward and said “Hey, the sarcasm/eye rolls are really unprofessional, I don’t ever want to see that again.” It’s OK to be stern and make it clear something is a big deal that you need to fix Right Now, but berating people is not OK.

          But it’s good to be able to separate delivery from feedback – that’s a useful skill to have because even good bosses are human beings who sometimes flip out when they shouldn’t.

          I’m curious OP, was the meeting with Clerk’s Mom before or after you complained about Clerk? Because if yes, this reads like retaliation to me, maybe not in a legal sense (? IANAL) but definitely in the everyday sense.

          1. Addison (OP)*

            Director is not clerk’s mom! Clerk’s mom is case coordinator directly under Director.

            But the thing with Director was way before the thing with Clerk started getting out of hand, yeah.

        3. Zahra*

          Given the comment that “she doesn’t want to work with you anymore”, how likely is it that she’ll be ok with you taking your boss’s position? If she is your boss’s boss, you must make sure that she’s onboard with you taking over his position. Otherwise, you may as well forget about it.

    2. (another) b*

      Agreed. It’s such gaslighting – I can hear it in OP’s “voice” that she’s happy now (and that he’s happy – who the F CARES if HE’s happy!!!!?!?!?) and wasn’t comfortable with the situation and is glad it’s “resolved” but it really isn’t – bc this person is still employed by her company and their actions told her she was wrong, which she WAS NOT. Shame on all of them, except OP.

    3. Solidus Pilcrow*

      Yeah, the updates about “softening the tone” really got to me. OP, I guarantee that your requests could be made from angel kisses with a bottle of Xanax and still not be “soft” enough for him. He either 1) has a total problem with women — in authority or in general– or 2) is lazy and using tone as an excuse. I’m guessing its a combo of both, heavy on the problem with women.

      I’m totally side-eying your manager here. Update 1, she hears him say that he deliberately ignored work from you (that you had authority to give), and did nothing? Update 2, you have to do a work around using a remote employee and she praises you for “finding a solution” when the solution would be for the manager to step on him, HARD? So much fail here on the manager’s part.

        1. pope suburban*

          Hah, yes! I linked this during her last update. I love-hate that article, because whhhhyyyyy must it be true?!

          1. Soon to be former fed*

            Love this! Forty years in the workplace and my direct communication style, as a woman, has been universally condemned. Damn shame things haven’t progressed more.

  4. Searching*

    I’m glad things are changing for the better for you, OP. But this jerk is now working with patients? Yikes!

    1. Detective Amy Santiago*

      Pretty much exactly what I came here to say.

      OP, will you still be managing him once he fully transitions to the new role or will he no longer be your problem at all?

        1. Detective Amy Santiago*

          Oh geez. I must have gotten this mixed up with another letter. I thought one of the updates involved OP moving into a supervisory role.

          1. seejay*

            She did… but wasn’t fully his manager so she couldn’t actually fire him. It was a weird scenario where she was supposed to oversee his work to some degree but didn’t have enough actual power over him to do anything which is kind of why he felt he could push the envelope with how much of a total d-bag he could be and she felt powerless to stand up to him and their manager didn’t really give her any tools or power to stand her ground against him. :(

          2. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

            You’re not wrong. They made her supervise him but didn’t give her any actual authority (i.e., not his manager), so he was crazy abusive and just got away with it. And when she raised it with her boss (manager for both of them), her manager accused her of being dramatic and oversensitive.

              1. seejay*

                There were even worse comments from the d-bag that made my jaw drop. I was utterly gobsmacked by some of the things that she posted he’d said in front of her… and I’ve been on the internet for 20+ years so it takes quite a bit to shock me at this point. :/

            2. Detective Amy Santiago*

              Thank you! I didn’t have time to go back and re-read the previous letters.

    2. SKA*

      On the bright side (well, not BRIGHT exactly), I’m guessing management will take abuse reports from patients more seriously than from coworkers. So maybe this will fast-track him to some comeuppance.

  5. Aurion*

    Well, I’m happy for the OP that the Clerk is out of her way now and she’s possibly getting a promotion.

    But this company, and OP’s manager, absolutely fails in management and discipline and I maintain that Clerk should’ve been fired off into the sun like, yesterday. What are they going to do next time Clerk throws a tantrum? Give him another promotion?

    2. Gandalf the Nude*

      Yeah, I’d hesitate to celebrate any ending that doesn’t result in Clerk being disciplined or fired for harassment. Having him out of the office might be less stressful right now, but OP still works under horrible management (they did get Alison’s vote last year!), and I’d be surprised if that didn’t rear its head again later. It’s like taking pain meds to deal with a broken arm. Yeah, there’s some immediate relief, but you still have a broken arm, and that’s not gonna go away.

  7. Hillia*

    This guy swears, uses sexist insults, and refuses to do his assigned work and the company…rewards him with a better job? And that’s ok with everyone? And they’re going to let him deal with customers (patients)? Can’t wait till he calls one of them a ‘fat f**k’.

    I think both he and his mommy need a lesson in ‘no one’s indispensable’. We don’t have any hard evidence that his mother would throw a fit if Junior were checked, but he sure seems to think she will, and so does everyone else. He needed to be called down, hard, way back when this started, and if she didn’t like it, that’s too bad. Right after high school I worked in the same place as my mother – she was a nurse manager at a hospital, I was an aide on a different floor. You better believe I got frequent warnings that I’d better be a model employee, because my work reflected on her; I can’t imagine what would have happened had I behaved anything like the person in this saga. I sure wouldn’t have gotten a promotion and a kiss on the cheek.

  8. seejay*

    Let’s hope that Rude Sexist Clerk says something terrible and horrid to his new boss or a patient and promptly gets fired out the cannon and into the sun and has no job. Maybe this promotion is a good thing since it’ll get him into a new group of people who won’t take his crap and can do something about his behaviour, like getting his butt canned?

    But good for the OP for managing to rise up over it!

    1. OhNo*

      Agreed. I’m so, so glad that the OP is going to be free of that situation. And I really hope the clerk shows his true colors in his new job and gets canned. Not because it would help the OP, at this point, but just because he deserves it.

      1. Other Duties as Assigned*

        Also agree. The clerk is who he is and the new setting can’t change that. When dealing with people like him, I lean on the quote that Sean Connery gave to Wesley Snipes at the end of the 1993 film Rising Sun that hints at inevitable comeuppance: “If you sit by the river long enough, you will see the body of your enemy floating by.”

        Of course, OP, you can just as easily watch the body floating by from the comfort of a position at a different, reasonable employer.

  9. strawberries and raspberries*

    Yeah, I do not see this as a happy ending. I’m actually sad that OP’s letter has so much focus on why this change is going to be so good for Clerk. Screw this guy for how he systematically bullied you and made your job harder, especially because he’s now going to be customer-facing. It shouldn’t take this much drama and abuse for you to learn how to effectively manage up.

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      This isn’t about the OP needing to learn to manage up. She told her manager what was going on and the manager was completely negligent about it. She told HR too. This is 100% on the coworker, not on her.

      1. strawberries and raspberries*

        That’s what I meant! I was referencing OP’s comment about how improving her communication skills after the drama was “lessons learned,” and how unfair it was for her to have gone through all that in the first place. Sorry if it wasn’t clear!

        2. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

          Very much agreed with you. I think OP didn’t have all the skills she needed/wanted to manage him, in part because she was treating his behavior like it was strange but ok. Hopefully she has a better radar, now, for knowing when someone is being way out bad. But I agree that no one should have to suffer like she did to “learn” these concrete skills.

          I wish OP’s coworker and manager had both been fired. The only person who I find more repugnant than the coworker is the manager.

      2. Artemesia*

        I agree management fumbled this and the cow-order is totally to blame. BUT the OP also responded by the recommendation to coddle this guy by trying to ‘communicate better’ and coddle him rather than pushing back hard when they basically told her that she was the problem or they were equally the problem. In this situation she should not have accepted that SHE was the one who needed to be changing her behavior and the topic should have been aggressively pushed back to what he was saying and doing. Not her fault but I hope if it happens again she pushes back rather than being essentially disciplined for not making it easier on the abuser or inviting the abusive — unfair to her.

        1. the invisible one*

          I’ve also been in the situation where I was told I had to change my behaviour and learn to communicate better, but it was my boss who was the bully, not a coworker or subordinate. (And I was not his only target.) It’s an awful situation to be in.

          Where do you even start explaining how wrong that is, when they seem convinced that any protest or push-back is further evidence that you’re doing it wrong and clearly more things you need to change? Kind of like accusing somebody of being in denial. There’s no response that will get them to listen.

          I detailed the things bully boss did to the outside mediator, on being asked what I saw as the problem that needed resolved, to get a starting point for the discussion. Mediator ignored the content and told me I should have chosen a different font (so I like monospace fonts! so what?) that was less stark and more friendly, so it would be received more easily, and that I should have used “I” statements instead of writing things like “bully boss said, how did you ever get your degree?”.

  10. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

    While it’s a shame that guy hasn’t been punished (to put it mildly), I am so, so happy for you, OP! It’s very heartwarming to hear that your life is turning around and you’re happier overall. Congratulations on all you’ve achieved. Be proud of yourself and I hope you get a chance to enjoy all that extra $$$$$ and never have to see that vile person again.

  11. BBBizAnalyst*

    I’m not sure I’d want to continue working for a company that rewards jerks like that. Yes, I wouldn’t have to interact with him but knowing he’s still at the organization wouldn’t sit well with me.

      1. Kyrielle*

        I almost wonder if this guy is buds with, or has dirt on, OP’s manager. Because it sounds like they very carefully made sure that OP’s information wouldn’t be communicated to the hiring manager for the other position by ensuring OP didn’t find out about it until it was a done deal….

          1. Kyrielle*

            Yeah, but if he had as strong an ‘in’ with the new department, it wouldn’t have to be kept from the OP to make it happen. At the very least it sounds like they didn’t want OP to talk to the hiring manager or possibly get involved, which implies it maybe could’ve been stopped. (Not that it would be in OP’s best interest to do so – if they’re not going to fire him, having him out of that job is an improvement for the OP anyway!)

  12. MoinMoin*

    I’m very happy for you, OP. It’s amazing all the personal and financial improvements you’ve managed even with this asshat dragging you down, so I imagine your positive trajectory will be smoother sailing now.
    And if Asshat really changes his stripes, well, great. But if not, I’m really looking forward to him telling a coworker to “Be quiet, woman” in front of the wrong patient or, barring that, maybe you can invite him to lunch in front of the main entrance on the same day that an Acme branded piano is just happening to be lifted up to a window via crane.

    1. Fish Microwaver*

      I doubt the asshat will change his stripes. Forever burned into his brain is the notion that if he acts up enough, he will be rewaarded. Very much like a toddler throwing a tantrum in the supermarket and getting candy to shut up. OTOH it could come back to bite him if he ever gets a job somewhere with decent management.

  13. Zathras*

    This is I guess the best possible outcome for OP in the situation. Sometimes you don’t get justice, and you have to settle for the problem going away. Such is life.

    But OP, you should really think about how much longer you want to stay in a place where behavior like this guy’s is tolerated. There’s no guarantee they won’t hire someone next week who will be just as bad (or worse!), and ignore that person’s behavior too.

    I also encourage you to really think about the fact that you did all the right things, and the reaction from your employer should have been very different. So in future positions, do not let this experience stop you from speaking up about harassment etc. from your coworkers. Many, many employers would have reacted VERY differently to the situation you were in. That guy should have been fired, or if they were feeling REALLY nice, told to shape up immediately or be fired. (And then been fired when he did not shape up immediately.)

    1. gwal*

      Yeah this makes me sad though: “It’s a good change for us both since now he gets to work with patients and be up in the thick of the activity all day and I get my peace and quiet (and no verbal abuse).”

      Those are not comparable end-goals!

    2. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

      This is a thoughtful, eloquent and concrete articulation of all my rage-ball-feelings about the update. I am really glad you spelled this out for OP so that she can recalibrate her perception of what is ok and what is not ok about what her employer is doing. If I were OP’s grandboss, I would have fired both the coworker and the manager for their conduct/neglect. Frankly, if I had heard about even one incident like the ones OP described, and I could verify it, I would have fired coworker right then.

      1. Zathras*

        Aww, thanks!

        I am a bit worried that OP seems to think she had more control over the situation than she did. I had to learn this one the hard way and still struggle with it sometimes – OP, take it from me, you have zero control over other people’s behavior. This guy did not continue to behave like a jackass because you somehow failed to walk on eggshells well enough around him, or pick the right words to talk to him, or whatever. He behaved like a jackass because he chose to do that. You have no control over that. Even your manager has no control over that. (She at least had some control over the consequences of his behavior, which she utterly failed to exercise appropriately.)

        I really can’t believe they put this guy in a role where he works directly with patients. I have worked in places where a certain low level of abrasiveness/rudeness (NOT harassment) was tolerated from people who worked behind the scenes and were rockstars otherwise. But we kept them away from the customers / end users / whatever.

        1. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

          It’s like deciding someone who abuses animals is really well qualified to babysit children. This guy has a pattern that escalated dramatically and was consistent over more than a year. By moving him to patient care, the employer is inviting a massive lawsuit (frankly, OP could have easily sued based on what he’d been doing and how her manager was not handling it).

    3. Canadian Natasha*

      “I also encourage you to really think about the fact that you did all the right things, and the reaction from your employer should have been very different.”

      I don’t have much to add, but I’m in agreement with what Zathras said. Try to keep in mind that you are working in a gaslighting company (and not the kind that actually make lamps) so this is Not Normal. I hope you can eventually find an employer who treats you with the dignity and respect you deserve!

  14. paul*

    OP, I’d really focus on GTFO’ing of that place. They didn’t have your back and they rewarded a jackass with by giving a promotion.

  15. LadyPhoenix*

    Nope. I don’t see this as a happy ending and I would think twice about working with these people.

    While it is good that clerk was transferred away from you, he should have been FIRED for HALF of the shit he pulled. But instead he get rewarded with a promotion (where he could be getting paid better than you)?! Fuck that noise! I wish for a swarm of bees (and some wasps) to follow him til he truly repents.

    Also it sounds like your boss suffered no reprimends either. A swarm of bees for her too.

    I bet the pay raise is just a way to keep you from dropping the EEOC on their heads. Keep your records, cuz I doubt this douchecanoe is gonna be good for long.

  16. always in email jail*

    I’m happy you’re happy, OP. That’s what matters.
    The immature part of me is looking forward to when he causes the same sorts of issues in his new position, and your complaints are vindicated!

  17. (another) b*

    OP I’m happy that it worked out (in your opinion), but it’s really not good enough. They should have taken your reports seriously, and he should have been FIRED for HARASSMENT. That is the only acceptable outcome in this matter. Please find a new job because this is not a a company you want to work for based on how they behaved. I hope this guy has karma bite him in the a$$ – I cannot believe he was REWARDED with a transfer. No.
    I was horrified at your updates and while I’m glad you’re doing well now, it just isn’t what should have happened. PLEASE BELIEVE US that you deserve better.

    1. Darla*

      I agree vehemently. I’m just truly, truly horrified.

      He’s been referred to as a jerk, as sexist. OP’s pointed out that she’s glad they’re out of each other’s hair. I cannot emphasize enough how much that’s downplaying what was happening there. He’s been bullying, harassing, and abusing her for god knows how long. He’s been displaying flagrant and rampant misogyny, and every single time OP’s mentioned it to his supervisor, she’s been told it’s no big deal, she’s “allowing it to happen,” that she should work it out by herself while the manager just, what, observes? For what? What did the manager gain from that performance? Was it FUN for her? Was she eating popcorn, OP? Be honest.

      I am actually furious. I am livid that a person would dare speak to a peer that way. I am livid that someone would be told to overlook someone’s work and then not have their minimal authority backed up in any way, shape, or fashion. I am livid that no one cared about this happening to OP. I am livid that OP was led to believe she BROUGHT THIS ON by JOKING AROUND with the guy. I joke around with my coworker. We text each other memes and goofy jokes. Do I deserve to be called by cruel slurs and bullied at work? Do I deserve to be treated like manure? How does her boss sleep at night?

      I am just so, so angry. This is completely unacceptable. This is not a happy ending. This is not an okay response to what happened. You do not, DO NOT, reward this behavior. If he had called her a bitch ONCE, if he had bullied her ONE SINGLE SOLITARY TIME, that would have been cause for serious repercussions. If she had come in and scoffed and snorted with him and made him do all her work, that language and behavior wouldn’t have been acceptable. This is 1000% a prolonged tantrum that she was given a modicum of power over him. The fact that she was told to overlook his work is exactly why he behaved this way, and the fact that this happened daily for months and culminated in his PROMOTION makes me sick with anger. This is more than “inappropriate.” This is absolutely disgusting.

      No amount of “wah, I hate filing,” or “OP’s tone came across like she was told to supervise me” excuses this vile behavior. I am at a loss.

      I can’t believe not one person stood up for her this whole time. I can’t believe she got a pat on the head for circumventing him and passing all his work along to somebody else, instead of a sincere apology and swift and immediate response to her ongoing abuse in the workplace. I can’t believe she was trapped in a room and made to APOLOGIZE to him. I can’t believe he dared to say those things, and nothing happened. I can’t believe OP had the patience not to walk out on the job.

      I just can’t believe this. I really can’t. It’s 2017. I need a drink.

      OP, I’m glad you’re satisfied, but there aren’t enough words in the English language to describe how much better you deserve. You deserve a safe and respectful environment. You deserve to have the people whose job it is to facilitate a healthy work environment care when you’re being abused. You deserve for your abuser to face punishments for his behavior. In fact, for handling this so professionally and delicately, you deserve a raise. Triple your pay. Beach condos. A hot pink Cadillac. OP. Please love yourself.

      1. Student*

        He probably gets paid better now, too. If not in a direct pay raise, then through different benefits and potential overtime that come with a patient-centered position as opposed to a clerk position. Just in case your rage had started calming down.

        And the poor OP gets strung along with a vague suggestion she might get a raise one day.

      2. (another) b*

        This is excellent. Sums up my feelings even further. I am livid also. I hope OP reads this.

      3. seejay*

        yes, all of this.

        I dated a guy a few years ago and it lasted about a year. And when I finally ended it, it was because of how he was acting. I realized halfway through, he was acting like an entitled 18 year old brat. He was demanding, he’d pout and throw tantrums when I didn’t give him what he wanted (in anything he asked for, even if it was just “let’s hang out tonight”), he refused to respect the boundaries I’d placed on the relationship when I’d agreed to date him even though he’d agreed initially. This was from a mid 30s guy who I *thought* was mature enough to actually, you know, listen and respond to adult conversations.

        Reading through the OPs updates reminded me a lot of dealing with this particular relationship, and then reading Darla’s comment is what I feel when I look back on the relationship now after I’m out of it. I look back and I’m *ANNOYED* that I put up with it, I’m pissed at myself that even at 40 years old, I had to deal with someone who was too immature to have a real adult relationship, and I’m pissed that I didn’t recognize it and kick it to the curb sooner.

        And yeah, I’m peeved that this dbag is getting away with it, because right now he is. :( He needs a flaming hot bag of pookarma to land on his doorstep.

      4. CynicallySweet*

        The way you phrased this kinda brings tears to my eyes because of how on point it is:

        “OP, I’m glad you’re satisfied, but there aren’t enough words in the English language to describe how much better you deserve. You deserve a safe and respectful environment. You deserve to have the people whose job it is to facilitate a healthy work environment care when you’re being abused. You deserve for your abuser to face punishments for his behavior. In fact, for handling this so professionally and delicately, you deserve a raise. Triple your pay. Beach condos. A hot pink Cadillac. OP. Please love yourself.”

        Esp because in reading the last update I’m not really sure she does know that!

      6. Gadfly*

        THIS. Yes. This is NOT OKAY. This is red flags everywhere. This is “I’m so used to dysfuntion that it looks good because normal is so bad I can’t remember what good looks like anymore” bad.

      7. Gazebo Slayer (formerly I'm a Little Teapot)*

        This, so much. In our current political climate I am 1000% done having the slightest patience or sympathy for guys like this. Misogyny kills – and furthermore a lot of guys like this end up being radicalized into Nazis by the vile internet subculture that has grown up around these attitudes.

        He should have been fired for cause – and after that his former supervisor should have done all she could to prevent him from getting another job where he can spew his poison at more victims. People like him have proven themselves unfit for society.

        1. Darla*

          Cosigned. Initialed. Officially notarized. This was the behavior of a person who genuinely found amusement in repeatedly insulting and humiliating a woman he worked with. People like that have no conscience, no integrity, and no worth.

          If I could direct OP’s next moves, they could be (1) find a new job, stat, and (2) leave a FROTHING Glassdoor review. I can’t imagine what’s going to happen to the next female peer of his who’s given leadership over him. I can only hope he’s under new supervision and behavior like that won’t be tolerated. What an awful person. What an awful job. It’s been nine hours since I left that comment and I’m still angry!

      8. Dot Warner*

        No amount of “wah, I hate filing,” or “OP’s tone came across like she was told to supervise me” excuses this vile behavior. I am at a loss.

        Yes, this. I’ve worked for managers I hate before, but never would I consider calling them a bitch or a “fat f—“, and NEVER in my wildest dreams would I have expected to do that and get PROMOTED!

      9. Addison (OP)*

        No, yeah, you’re completely right. It’s not lost on me at all that what happened was asinine on all levels, and it strikes such a chord with me because I’ve been the victim of abuse at the hands of Some Guy Or Another I Had No Choice But To Be Around so many times when I was young that by the time I hit my teens I was definitely past putting up with it ever again only to find myself stuck in the same situation all over again. It grinds my gears and the fact that he’s happy does me no favors in particular, it drives me bonkers that trying to get someone to handle it the way they should have (because I was never in any position to handle it, myself, and shouldn’t have had to) resulted in a giant conga line of shrugs, I kind of want to barf when I think about it in the context of him getting rewarded for cashing in his nepotism chips and taking advantage of the situation to get a leg up, and y’all were right, I had every business filing an EEOC complaint. I probably should have.

        But I guess I just think of it as a happy result because I’m very passionate about what I do, so much so that I’m willing to excuse a whoooole lot of workplace nonsense (outside the scope of Clerk, even) in favor of being an advocate for our patients. We’re in a niche of the healthcare field where patients getting the treatment they need is a constant battle with insurance companies and I’m basically the key figure between the case coordinators and the insurance/legal folks that makes sure the patients get that coverage. It just really means a lot to me, I can’t talk about it, I’ll weep :'( Now that Clerk is out of my hair and I’m being given something to look forward to (restructuring the department, potentially moving into my boss’ position when she leaves), it’s just easy to feel like things are great, especially compared to how they were back in December. It was brutal reading that last update, I was convinced nothing was going to change and now it has and is! So. Yay.

        ..but yeah, the whole thing was crap. You’re definitely not wrong! And the whole thing has really given me a lot to think about and learn from. I can say with certainty that it won’t be happening to me again, not at this job and hopefully not ever anywhere in general. I ain’t about that life.

        1. Noobtastic*

          In that case, perhaps you can sue for controlling interest in the company, and then make sure it is run RIGHT. THat’s a much better end than destroying the dysfunctional mess, because patients need you and the company, and what it offers to them.

          Yep. Sue for controlling interest. Then personally fire WITH CAUSE Clerk, your boss, your grand-boss, the entire HR department, Clerk’s Mama, and the “stern director.” Did I miss anybody?

          Sigh. It’s a pipe-dream, I know. But what pipes!

  18. Dust Bunny*

    Still craptastic of him to act out by taking his job frustration out on the OP, and awful of the company not to discipline him for real .

  19. Jane*

    I’m glad OP doesn’t really have to deal with this guy anymore but it’s so frustrating to constantly hear about situations where people behave horribly and are not simply fired but are often rewarded. I’ve seen this happen at work and it boggles my mind. It makes me question the judgment of the decision-makers who allow the behavior to go unchecked or even reward it. Especially when the person is anything short of a superstar. I would understand giving someone who has proven to be a superstar a second chance if they behave badly but should still be consequences otherwise it kills morale for the coworkers who don’t behave that way. I always find it bizarre that this type of thing happens so often.

  20. Katie*

    Maybe I’m overly vindictive, but I was REALLY hoping this update would involve the awful guy getting fired. In any case, I’m glad he’s not working with you anymore, OP.

  21. Jessie the First (or second)*

    I’m glad you are happier now, OP. BUt I really worry that you have internalized some serious toxicity at this job, and that things seems normal to you as a result of being in such a terrible place that most definitely are not normal.

    You say you two “get along much better now”: you should never feel that the issue is about getting along. Because you don’t have to get along with someone who is as absolutely terrible as he was to you. You don’t have to get along with a sexist, hateful jerk.

    I totally do not mean to nitpick your word choice. My radar is up because I remember your letters and updates, and I was so angry on your behalf that your employer handled your (VERY justifiable) complaint so negligently.

    I hope you do not make this experience at this employer your barometer for what is normal. You did exactly what you should have – told your coworker to stop, and escalated to your boss and to HR. That nothing really happened except that he was transferred/promoted is not normal, and in future jobs, you should expect that similar behavior would result in firing.

    So – yay that things are much less stressful for you! Just try not to let this whole experience affect what seems “normal” to you at jobs.

    2. (another) b*

      I thought the same – when he accused her of “tone” and she was like “yeah I do have to work on my tone…” NO! NO! NO!!!!!
      None of this was OK. And I’m concerned that she is reporting to us on his happiness…. he shouldn’t be happy! He should be fired!!!! He was abusive!

    3. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

      YUP. I was also curious what happened job-search-wise. Last time OP noted she intended to give notice around mid-December.

      Regardless, none of this was ever her fault, and she had no responsibility for getting along or not getting along. He was a walking pile of burning nuclear waste—her exposure to radiation poisoning from his behavior is not on her.

  22. Bananistan*

    Wait, so the “happy ending” is that the abusive jerk gets a better job where he gets to interact with patients? OP, it sounds like you have a serious case of Stockholm Syndrome. I am concerned for you. I think you should consider leaving this job.

  23. Sr. Manager in Biotech*

    I’m thinking that moving the problem clerk to another department, giving OP a glowing performance review, and suggesting that a promotion might be imminent is a way for the boss/company to protect itself from a lawsuit. OP was harassed and escalated it appropriately. Nothing was done to effectively stop the harassment or warn/retrain the very evil, lazy and unprofessional clerk. Chances are he’ll act up again and someone else will be in OP’s place. As mentioned above it might be time for OP to start looking around for another position somewhere else. She can take all the skills she’s learned with her to a business where she is respected. She can grow her flame! This company does not respect her.

    1. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

      Agreed, and I’m worried they’re stringing her along. But she says she’s happy, and I’m trying really really hard not to make her feel like whatever peace she’s made with herself is wrong.

  24. Karen D*

    This is my plea to the universe that OP comes back with one more update – ” ‘Your Mom’ Clerk V: The Cosmic Comeuppance.”

  25. Dang*

    OP I’m glad you’re getting some relief, but I CANNOT believe they’re having this jerk work with patients.

  26. Sprinkled with Snark*

    I agree with what everybody is saying here, 1000 percent! Before he heads up to his new position and his different floor, make sure you get him alone somewhere, look him dead in the eye and tell him that you’ll be watching him, and his new supervisor will be watching. If he tries this sh*8 with a patient, or with any of his new co-workers (nurses? orderlies? janitors? Because you know he will with anyone he considers inferior to himself), tell him he and limp dick lazy ass will be out the door, you stupid F*&%. Good bye and good riddance.

  27. Anita Brayke*

    Here’s the thing, OP. The horrible employee who somehow ended up getting promoted for abusing other employees was in the wrong. You were not. If you wanted to lose weight FOR YOU, then I’m thrilled you’ve done so. But I sincerely hope you took NONE of what that idiot said as a need to change yourself. I hope karma steps in and assists in his “University of Hard Knocks” education, and soon!

    1. Sr. Manager in Biotech*

      Yes! Hopeful that the “Karma Train” will pull into the Clerk’s station with a first-class carriage reserved just for him. I’ve seen it happen more often than not. A friend actually has a train whistle as her ringtone to remind her that things often even out in the end.

    2. Addison (OP)*

      Oooh yes I can see how that could have been taken badly — no the weight loss thing was definitely all for me! :) Fat “jokes” don’t really get to me (it’s been a thing since 2nd grade) and Clerk is no skinny-minny either, so nyah. I change myself for no one.

  28. ToxicNudibranch*

    I’m happy that you’re happy, OP, and the new opportunities on your plate sound fantastic.

    I hope that the extreme negligence and poor decision making your manager and HR have displayed are a thing of the past.

  29. Megan M.*

    I’m with everyone else. I’m glad that OP sounds so much happier and has had some positive changes to her circumstances, but I am shocked and appalled that Clerk wasn’t fired. I cannot believe that OP’s company actually tolerated this behavior from him, and not only tolerated it, allowed him to essentially get a promotion.

    OP, if this d-bag finally gets fired (the way he deserves!), please please PLEASE let us know, and think about leaving this company yourself. They really dropped the ball when they had the chance to protect you from abuse and harassment from a coworker, and it makes me sad that you seemed to believe them when they told you it was basically “your fault” (IT WASN’T) and “your problem” (IT WAS HR’S PROBLEM!)

  30. animaniactoo*

    OP, I know you’re still figuring stuff out for yourself here, you’re growing into all of this. I am glad, FOR YOU, that this guy will be out of your vicinity.

    However, I want you to understand that what your management did here is so breathtakingly bad that you should not take it as a good change on behalf of the company. You personally, fine. The company? No. Multiple times no.

    Because what I am very afraid has happened here, is that they have taken him away from the ability to bully one somewhat vulnerable person and brush it all off as a “personality conflict” and moved him into the ability to bully several REALLY vulnerable people with even fewer resources to stand up for themselves or get help if there’s a problem.

    I do not want to be the naysayer and crusher of dreams here. But this move is scary. Even if he is doing nothing more than handling their paperwork. Seriously. I am scared for the patients of your organization.

    If after reflection you see a path that leads there too, please figure out what you feel you need to do in regards to the situation and make some plans about when and how to act on it.

    2. Addison (OP)*

      I see what you mean. I haven’t worried much about that strictly because of the way things are structured in his new role — he’ll be working in big, wide open spaces with lots of patients and staff members around him all the time, never alone with anyone for any reason (I don’t even think he can take patients to the restroom by himself??). Since he’s not a licensed therapist and only a clinic assistant, he can’t work one on one with patients and will only be doing group therapy (PT and OT, so big gym areas and activity rooms, that kind of thing). In that sort of environment there’s a much, much smaller chance that he’ll get away with being crude to anyone without being overheard, which was kind of the benefit he had when he was working with me; we were in a quiet, isolated area where it was difficult to overhear us and there was essentially never anyone around to care about getting in trouble with.

      It could still happen, and if I do hear about it I’ll definitely be speaking up not to Boss but to Director, but they’re so inundated with work up there (we’re understaffed and over capacity pretty much 100% of the time) I don’t think he’ll have time or opportunity to “joke” around. But hey, he asked for it. ;) Have fun Clerk. I’ll just be downstairs, not stressed out anymore.

      1. animaniactoo*

        How do you feel about not just passively hearing about vs actively on the lookout for it, at least for awhile?

        I ask because it’s amazing how much more someone can get away with in public than many people would realize. It’s also possible that the possibility of being overheard might mean that he’d graduate from verbal abuse to gaslighting emotional abuse and minor physical abuse.

        1. Addison (OP)*

          It’s a little difficult just because he’s working so out of the away from me now and I have little to completely zero reason to go into the area where he works, but I’m friendly with all the staff and it wouldn’t be bizarre for me to ask how things are going, probably… framing it like I’m just wondering for friendly reasons? I have no problems with that provided I can find an in!

  31. HR Gal*

    Allison, if OP had wanted to, couldn’t she have filed sexual harassment charges against Clerk (thinking about comments like “shut up, woman – men are talking”, calling her b**** or c***, etc.)? Given all the verbal abuse (and the emotional/psychological toll it took on OP), perhaps hostile environment?

    If so, any reason why it wasn’t suggested she do that earlier? NO ONE should be subjected to Clerk’s awful, abusive behavior, and I worry about his future new coworkers!! Plus, given that the company knows about his abusive behavior from the complaints OP raised, wouldn’t they be putting themselves at risk if they switched him to a different department and then he acted the same way to different coworkers?

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      She could have filed them against the company, not the clerk personally. She reported it and they did nothing, so yes, I think the egregiousness and pervasiveness of it would likely meet the legal bar (although note that I am not a lawyer).

      1. HR Gal*

        Thanks! Given that it seems to not be an issue anymore (since Clerk is moving to a different department), could/should she still file them against the company? I feel like an argument could be made about protecting other employees at the company from his behavior, but not sure if she has as much standing since his behavior has supposedly improved and she will no longer have to interact with him.

        1. Ask a Manager* Post author

          That’s hard to advise on. Lawsuits are expensive, time-consuming, and emotionally draining. It’s a decision she’d have to make for herself.

          1. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

            It has to be an adverse employment action, but even if it were broader, his promotion isn’t as clean of an analogue as it seems—they’re moving him to another division/department (although if they did this while preventing OP from doing the same, it would be closer to the kind of discrimination that Title VII covers).

            In this case, his promotion theoretically doesn’t adversely impact her, in part because it’s out-of-department and in part because it mostly eliminates the source of abusive conduct. That said, hostile work environment claims presume that the abuse is so severe that it fundamentally changes the terms of employment. It may be possible to articulate an adverse employment action, but it would require more effort and information.

        3. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock*

          During her last update, there was a lot of advice given regarding reporting the behavior and filing a claim. Personally, I think the abuse rose to the level of a hostile work environment—it was that severe, and the supervisorial failure to address it was that reckless.

          Under EEOC rules, she can file anytime within 300 days of his last harassing comment. In this case, I think it may include 300 days from when he finally leaves her department, since his presence is part and parcel of the broader hostile work environment problem… but if I wanted to be extra safe, I’d count from the day of the last abusive contact/comment. Under California law, she can file an administrative complaint under the Fair Employment and Housing Act within one year of his last abusive act or the last day he spends in the department.

          The difficulty is that it’s difficult to demonstrate an adverse employment action and damages after the problem employee starts behaving reasonably—particularly because OP indicates she received glowing performance reviews and has been encouraged to apply for a promotion to her boss’s job when said boss leaves. That doesn’t mean she has no damages, but it means it’s harder to argue/prove the elements of her claim.

    2. Zahra*

      It was mentioned by commenters when she first wrote and first updated us, but matters hadn’t progressed enough/we didn’t have enough details to be sure it would be worthwhile.

      Here’s how many times you can find “EEOC” in the page:
      Original post: 1
      First update: 7
      Second update: 55

  32. CynicallySweet*

    Can I just say that while I’m really happy that the OP has a better work situation I still feel really gross about all this. It seems like she’s dismissing the seriousness of the situation because it’s been “resolved.” And while it’s been resolved for her it hasn’t for the next woman he decides he can do this to. Because why wouldn’t he think it’s fine? He got no kind of reprimand what-so ever and a promotion despite his behavior. What’s to stop him from doing repeating this behavior next time he feels frustrated in his role (which at some point we all do), and not just assuming they’ll move him somewhere better when it becomes unbearable? The HR department’s response went beyond negligence when they rewarded his behavior (also what company in their right mind would put someone who thinks it’s OK to talk to people this way in a customer facing role?!?!?!).

    OP is aware of how her company handles legitimate sexual harassment and hostile workplace situations (aka they don’t). And honestly I think she should at a minimum still file the EEOC complaint, and if I were her I’d be seriously job searching too. IT IS NOT OK THAT THIS WASN’T SHUT DOWN! And that fact did not magically change because she no longer needs to interact with him. Someone needs to be held accountable for this and since management won’t hold the perpetrator responsible, then the company needs to be held responsible for their lack of respect for their female employees (which I think they demonstrated very clearly over the four posts). If the OP doesn’t want to do it for herself, she should at least do it for the sake of his next victim.

    1. seejay*

      Two things I’d like to mention based on your comment:

      1) Sadly, dealing with sexual assault/harassment a lot of the time for women is about making yourself less of a target so that he doesn’t pick *you*, which means, essentially, he should pick someone else. This is a terrible mindset, but sometimes it’s all that a target/victim can do if the environment isn’t going to be supportive enough to actually help the victim properly. Does it suck? Totally. We should be building environments where there *aren’t* victims versus “make sure it’s someone else and not you”.

      2) If the OP can’t, the OP shouldn’t be made to feel guilty to do something for the sake of the next victim. Again, this also sucks because yeah, realistically there shouldn’t be a next victim, but unless she’s mentally and emotionally capable of it, she shouldn’t be made to feel bad to take on a fight she feels she can’t handle. I get that this is a maddening and frustrating and absolutely gobsmacked situation, and I too am infuriated with how this was handled on her behalf, but I’m also really kind of impressed with how she handled it, because I don’t know if I would have had the cajones to do half of what she managed at her age. What she did was *hard* and I’m proud she did as much as she did. Was it enough? Sitting from the outside looking in, we all think it isn’t because this guy didn’t get what he so rightly deserved and it’s easy to say that she should push it further, take it higher up the ladder, get the EEOC involved, etc etc, but frankly, that sounds exhausting, stressful, and probably won’t come to a worthwhile conclusion.

      What the OP owes is whatever she feels she can do for herself. If she feels like taking on more, whatever she feels she can handle emotionally and mentally, that’s up to her. If she feels she can do more and wants to so this guy can’t harass others, then I applaud her for it. If she feels that this has taken up all her mental reserves, I wouldn’t fault her for not pursuing it, even if if there might be more victims in his future. Yes, it would suck if he does it to others, but no one should hold it against her if she can’t fight more battles.

      Just my thoughts on it.

      1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

        no one should hold it against her if she can’t fight more battles.

        That’s exactly it. I’m as furious as everyone else here that the d-bag is now working with patients and has been rewarded for his behaviour, but OP has no control over that. She did her best to survive and get through what was an awful and frightening period. She’s doing her best now to recuperate and get back on track.

        OP, please make sure you still have all evidence and please look after yourself. Remember that while he’s behaving himself now, he could very easily go back to his old ways. Do what it takes to keep yourself safe – your physical and mental well-being are paramount. Don’t be fooled by his current behaviour and never forget that this company stood by and did nothing. You deserve so much better and none of this was your fault. Take care of yourself and I hope you find a happier, healthier workplace soon.

      3. CynicallySweet*

        You are absolutely right. I 100% agree with you here. I just let how pissed I personally was about the situation influence how I phrased it.

        I never meant to suggest that she disregard her own well being or that she owes it to someone to make a complaint (though reading back on it it really does imply that). I just wanted the possibility that he will just chose a new victim when he starts to get frustrated again to be a factor in the decision making.

        I apologize for the tone and phrasing of this post. It came off much more judgemental towards the OP than I meant it to.

        1. Addison (OP)*

          Totally OK, no offense taken. I see what you mean and agree on some points as well. I just don’t think, with the mental state I was in (re: the update I sent in December) that I could take much more of it. I honestly don’t know what would have happened if things had blown up more than that. When you get into such a messed up state, it can be really hard to manage even the most basic of things that seem like they should be obvious. Like… I know, and knew fully well then, that I was being messed with and manipulated, that *I* wasn’t the wrong one (and in fact the only thing I was wrong about was thinking that I still needed to do something to “fix it” anyway). I could have/should have filed a complaint after HR basically blew me off and the behavior still went on. I could have/should have done a lot of things, but all that combined with outside-of-work problems just made it so, so, so overwhelming. Joys of depression and all that. Even now that it’s over, I still look back on what a complete and utter debilitating nightmare it was and I want *nothing* to do with it. Probably not the healthiest reaction, but “oh god please let me wash my hands of this and go back to my life” basically sums it up. It would make me so angry to get pulled back underwater by that heinous horsesh** after I’ve built myself up again and am doing so well.

          That said, though, I know for a fact that if I see any BS from Clerk or anyone else happening to anyone else (or to me again, but god help whoever is dumb enough to try that now) I am absolutely prepared to speak up. And now I know exactly who I can count on to be unreliable about handling it! I had other avenues I could have pursued that probably would have led to better results (Grandboss, Director, GrandDirector) and I’ll be going straight to them if need be, in the future. I’d hate to see anyone else going through what I did even once, let alone for *years*. It’s unconscionable.

          1. LadyPhoenix*

            As great as it is that you will speak up next time, you still have a company that is unwilling to deal with any of your concerns and instead focus on a dude’s concerns. It’s apparent that you are going to continuously be screwed over for this guy because:
            A) You have no actual neopitic connections to this company taht ill raise her ll if the pro lem employee is fired
            B) You’re not a man

            I can see those bonuses and review as “don’t sue us bribes” that will instantly vanish the moment your window of reporting is closed.

            And I wouldn’t even hold your boss’s comments about your own premotion to a grain of salt. You know she’s lied before, so whi’s to say she’ll just promote another dbag with connections over you? And even if you do get the job, it’s obvious there is no teeth to it (boss didn’t fire clerk).

            This company is like Titanic, just floating there until that ice berg is ready to hit it.

  33. Bea*

    At least if he’s heard being POS by patients, they’ll have a lot more power to get him fired. Patient advocates and the news would love to burn that guy on a stake for saying anything close to the things he’s said to the OP during his giant tantrums.

    Not sure what kind of patients he’s dealing with but I hope a lot of his days include dirty bed pans being spilled on him.

    1. animaniactoo*

      If the patients feel able to speak up. You have no idea how many would not because they’re scared that nothing will happen and then he’ll retaliate worse than before. The sad reality is that too many of them would be correct – look how he’s already been dealt with in the face of really egregious behavior that should have led to a firing 6 months ago. OP has gotten as far as she has because she’s had the support and energy to continue. A patient most often will not.

      1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

        When you’re a patient, you’re already vulnerable because you’re ill. If you’re a minority or a woman, your complaints are less likely to be taken seriously, and you don’t want to risk upsetting anyone for fear of not getting health care (I speak from experience here, unfortunately) or, as you said, retaliation.

      2. Moonsaults*

        I have family in the nursing business and it’s actually not the patients that always speak up but the family members who will destroy someone who treats their loved ones poorly. I’ve seen a lot of people fired for much less than the dbag in this story!

        1. animaniactoo*

          And if they don’t have family looking out for them? Or aren’t willing to tell family about it? Those situations happen and those who are actively looking for an opportunity for trouble will look for those victims. The ones *least likely* to say something or be believed by their families, etc.

  34. Jeanne*

    Once again, misbehavior is rewarded. I am glad OP is free of him but the whole situation is unacceptable.

  35. JeanB*

    I just went back and read the letter and the updates, and I’m infuriated that this guy still has a job. There were at least a half dozen things that should have been “fireable on the spot” offenses. Very weak management!

  36. emma2*

    I’m really glad that the LW is much happier and at peace in her life. BUT…WTH is wrong with this company – is Clerk really getting rewarded just for being some HR person’s kid??! He literally broke work-related laws, in addition to being the worst type of human. I hope he gets his comeuppance some day.

    1. Addison (OP)*

      Man… dang it. You’re right. I completely forgot that’s where I learned that phrase from. You caught me.

      1. Kay J*

        I fully support a new generation of workers out there making Homestuck references they don’t even intend to make. I’m one of them too!

  39. Gadfly*

    OP–Please start job hunting. Not just because this is a horrible place for you, but because the longer you stay, the stronger your association with it will be. Do you believe he is the first/last/only one of his kind? How many others have they played this sort of game with? I would lay good odds at some point either this company develops a reputation or someone takes something like this public. They are just too happy to try to paper things over for it not to bite them eventually. And you don’t want to be job hunting with them at the top of your resume when “horrible scandal”is the first thing people think about them.

    1. Elsadora*

      I agree, all they did was pass the buck! He has now become some other poor smuck’s problem. And he works with clients? Really? WTH?

      1. Gadfly*

        And even if it isn’t him, it could be the next one. Or a previous one comes to light. If they are shrugging over this, and doing less than the minimum to address it, where else are they cutting corners? You don’t think something like this is okay while cracking down on similar problems elsewhere. He might never cause another bit of trouble, but they have made it clear that troublemakers like him might just be hidden all through the company. Next person in OP’s shoes might be writing a tell all blog post that names names instead of Ask a Manager. Or might have a lawsuit.

    2. Troutwaxer*

      I would modify this statement a little. If the OP does not get her “title bump/raise,” she should start job-hunting the second it become obvious that the “title bump” will not be coming through. If she does get her “title bump” she should start job-hunting 6-9 months after receiving the “title bump” so she can move into the new organization with her new pay and title.

      This advice assumes that her situation becomes less toxic and less stressful. If things get bad again or stay as bad as they were previously she should leave immediately.

  40. specialist*

    He should have been fired. His behavior will resurface. I would document all of this in a file outside of work. The next occasion may result in a lawsuit or something like that. Also, he may not do well up there. They may try to stick him back in your department and you need to be ready to handle that possibility.

    1. Old Admin*

      Oh my God!
      Right, OP is *not* reliably free of D-bag clerk!
      Her behavior if bearing with him for so long could even be seen as an invitation!
      “Well, patients complained and we can’t fire Clerk – OP has successfully worked him, let’s put him back there!”

    2. A Person*

      My company is doing this with Creeper co-worker. They just keep shifting him around rather than firing him. I’m honestly surprised they renewed his contract recently. If I were them, I’d have not renewed it, paid some severance and consider the issue dealt with. Instead all I hear from management is ‘soft landings’ and ‘control the narrative’. When this asshole inevitably blows his top there won’t be any soft landings and no way for management to control the narrative.

  41. Elsadora*

    Dysfunction is the name of the work game these days I am afraid.. I work for a major retailer, though I am starting a new job (god willing) in two weeks. My department too, has a problem child that management refuses to deal with. In short, she comes in an hour or more late, almost every day, refuses to do her work, mysteriously disappears off the sales floor to avoid, you guessed it, work, and when you ask her to do her fair share of the work, she accuses you of bossing her around! Meanwhile she has been here THREE long years, and counting! She should have been fired after the first 90 days, yet,management keeps her, without so much as writing her up. It isn’t fair, but what can you do other than leave when management won’t manage.

    1. Jeanne*

      I have to agree. My last job refused to deal with the bad behavior, too. Managers aren’t taught how to do their jobs.

  42. Elsadora*

    Also, some of these letters are so bad, if I hadn’t experience bad management myself, I would swear they are parody…

  44. Dot Warner*

    OP, get out get out get out GET OUT!!! They’ve put out one fire but there’s still a pile of oily rags next to a stack of old newspapers and pyromaniac in the house. Jerk Clerk is out of your hair for now, but either there will be another like him or he’ll tantrum his way into being YOUR boss. Go work somewhere that actually disciplines people who behave badly.

  45. Sheworkshardforthemoney*

    It’s good that he has moved on and is no longer your problem. However, he will hang himself. People like him think that because he got away with it once, he will again. He’s going to run up against someone who will not let his BS pass by un-noticed. You may be having a Karmic moment in your future with reference to him.

  46. KAG*

    Having just read the whole thread, I want to congratulate the OP on how remarkably well she’s handled the situation from beginning to end. I’m particularly impressed by her acknowledging early on that there might be issues with her tone and being proactive in addressing them – focusing on “what can I do” rather than “why doesn’t this loser change”.

    Well done, OP.

    1. KAG*

      I realized I forgot to mention that I’m surprised OP is still with that company and I concur with other comments that she should consider looking for a new job. I wonder how best to incorporate this situation into a resume / cover letter, as to me it shows skills valuable to a more senior manager-level role.

  47. Noobtastic*

    Wait, wait. They put this guy up front, to deal directly with customers?!

    They reward abusive behavior by giving the man MORE TARGETS?! And paying targets, at that!

    I just… cannot… even. Nope.

Comments are closed.