updates: new hire was upset about my maternity leave, asking assistant to check in before she leaves, and more

by Alison Green on December 16, 2024

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. My new hire said I should have told him about my maternity leave before he arrived (#2 at the link)

When I wrote initially, I was still reeling from the conversation with the post-doc. He had an exit interview scheduled with my department chair the next day (standard, when someone wants to break their contract) but he no-showed, and to the best of my knowledge he left the country with the lab laptop. (That’s a story, we had IT lock it remotely when he no-showed, then bricked it a few days later because of the confidential data it had on it).

I now think that he wasn’t happy for a lot of reasons and simply selected one that he thought would get the most sympathy. The department has regular seminars and socials, and while the department tends to slew positive in its topics of discussion, a slow trickle of stories emerged from the grad students about outsized reactions he had had to things that upset him. He was uncomfortable when something administrative (from getting his staff card to how campus food service works) differed from the way it had been at his previous institution. He hated things he considered “nanny state” like mandatory daytime running lights and the fact that he was required to be part of a union.

I know some of the commenters recommended not hiring another post-doc before leaving on mat leave, but it is/was an industrial partnership and the company wasn’t going to wait. We hired someone new who started in May; we had several months together to get her up to speed and then she ran with it. The new post-doc spent another 2 months getting ready on campus, then went off to work the next 12 months on the project at the industrial partner site.

She never came back to campus – she’s still on the project writing up her second manuscript, but she’s being paid more than me now as a full-time employee, is off the grant, and we’re hiring again.

Personally, my daughter is amazing, she’s adjusted to daycare. I’m grateful I got the year to spend with her. I’m also grateful now to be able to go to the restroom during the day without her crying for me. My lab manager kept things ticking along while it was gone, and while I couldn’t completely disconnect (that’s just not the way academia is set up), I probably didn’t spend more than 8 hours or so a week on things and it was manageable. It’s been a transition back to full time work (daycare pick up to dinner to bedtime is such a rush EVERY DAY), but we’re doing well so far.

2. Can I ask my assistant to check in with me before she leaves? (#4 at the link)

I asked a question about whether or not I should ask my assistant to check in with me before she leaves for the day. The advice was great, including those who were concerned about big tasks being requested right at the end of her day. Well observed!

Anyway, funny thing happened: daylight savings. It started being dark at 4:20, jolting me into my end-of-day routine. I realized I didn’t so much need to see Liza at the end of her day, I just needed something to sort of wake up call or – wait for it – AN ALARM. I appreciate the support for what I was considering, but I am likewise grateful for the commenters who helped me realize that the actual issue was one that is much better served by technology than adding a meaningless task to Liza’s day.

3. Should I try to grow in my current job or leave for more money and more PTO? (#4 at the link)

Thank you so much for answering my question in June. And thanks to everyone who gave great advice and empathy in the comments. I was totally occupied all day and never got to read comments while I could still respond. But I appreciate everyone!

My update is good. I decided to go for it, in terms of applying for the job that appealed to me. I moved fast and got it. I turned in my notice at work as soon as I signed the offer letter.

The pay increase was substantial. The benefits are better. And the PTO was exactly what I hoped for.

That doesn’t mean it is easy. This pivot has been hard. I’m a novice again. But it’s totally different than I was in my previous job. I request help and get it. I need support, I can find it. And it’s all just a better fit for me. The problems I solve on a daily basis are exactly in my wheelhouse and I find exciting. I’m confident that I can solve problems and when I can’t, I don’t feel embarrassed to ask for help, even if I need to ask repeatedly. I know I’m a professional and that if I have a deficiency, it is in my boss’s interest to help me fix it. I guess that’s to say that my deficiencies are places I’m going to grow, not places I’m worthless. There’s so much satisfaction in both the big picture mission and the day to day work.

Thank you for the own encouragement!

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{ 16 comments }

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

    1. Rainy*

      What a wild ride! Thank you for updating, and congrats on the personal and professional successes for you and your researcher (and infant, for that matter). :)

      I admit I’m deeply curious as to what became of the runaway postdoc and his pilfered laptop, but I suppose we’ll never know.

      Reply ↓
  2. WellRed*

    What does bricked it mean in reference to a laptop (first update). I’m not surprised there were other issues with that guy.

    Reply ↓
    2. kara*

      “Bricked” is what you call it when a device is completely wiped or locked down to the point that it’s useless. It’s a piece of equipment that is about as useful as a brick.

      I accidentally bricked my company iPhone when I first got it because I forgot that my PIN for the new phone was 8 digits and not 6. I tried my 6 digits 4 times and then got notified that the SIM was being wiped and I’d have to contact the help desk to reinstate my number. I could turn the phone on but got a “sim does not exist” message. In other words … a brick. :)

      Reply ↓
      1. Jamoche*

        Software dev at a software company here: IT bricked a new computer once, and led to a rule that IT was not allowed to touch development machines.

        We’d ordered the very latest model because it had new hardware features we had to verify worked with our software. As is typical with computers with new features (as opposed to minor HW upgrades), it came with an OS version that was required in order for that computer to run.

        IT had an officially sanctioned OS version/disk image that it copied onto every computer. It was a full major release below what the new computer needed, much less the minor point release that supported the new feature. This basically made the new machine a brick, although it could be fixed if we went through the “recovery” option, which connected to the mothership, downloaded the right version, and installed it.

        Except we had a very restrictive block list (also thanks to IT) and the recovery address wasn’t on it. We couldn’t add it because, for security reasons, it wasn’t exposed by the recovery software.

        So we had to take our shiny new brick to Starbucks to use their wifi.

        Reply ↓
    3. Inkognyto*

      It won’t actually brick until they connect to the internet, but those are setup to connect and contact the company.

      Typically encrypt all of the data on them and have this as a Security measure. This will wipe the hard drive, sometimes it’ll change the firmware password/Boot password also so it’s just not usable by the average person.

      You can try and track it all down etc. But then it’s like a $600-1000 laptop and how many hours of IT/Legal resources do you want to spend to get that back?

      Wipe it write it off as a loss in the company records and move on.

      Reply ↓
  3. kara*

    OP #1 –
    “He hated things he considered “nanny state” like mandatory daytime running lights and the fact that he was required to be part of a union.”

    That makes me think that he is part of a particular political leaning group in the US and was already predisposed to find anything Canadian to be offensive. He was just looking for an excuse to vent about how his personal rights were being violated or whatever.

    Reply ↓
    1. 1I1-III1*

      I completely agree. I am and am not completely surprised that this person would even want to work in Canada. Logically, it makes no sense for them to want to, but based on their reaction, I’m assuming logic isn’t always involved in decision making.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rainy*

        When it comes to an academic career, beggars can’t be choosers. It’s very possible he didn’t actually feel like he had a choice–he had to go where the ducks are.

        Reply ↓
    2. Danish*

      Maybe – IME academia is full of people who kind of resent being in a non-optional union. I used to be one of them! I was a young, lefty liberal fresh out of college who really supported the idea of unions in theory! but in practice I made barely anything, so the monthly due was a painful hit to my paycheck, and as far as I ever saw the only thing the union did was 1) mandate that we could not adjust the position of our computer monitors and 2) come during working hours to try and get us to volunteer for additional tasks on workday evenings and not take soft nos, making us all increasingly uncomfortable. Basically only the office manager who was in her late 60s spoke well of the union.

      I definitely appreciate unions NOW, and know that they likely did things behind the scenes I would have appreciated, but I don’t find it unbelievable that even someone who is politically liberal would be upset about it being mandatory and get kind of reactionary about it, especially if they’re a person predisposed to overreact to things as it sounds like this guy was.

      Reply ↓
  4. Sick of Workplace Bullshit (she/her)*

    OP #1: Fellow Canuk here–I’d love to know what the departed post-doc thinks of our “nanny state” health care now!

    Reply ↓

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