weekend open thread – March 1-2, 2025

by Alison Green on March 1, 2025

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: Blob: A Love Story, by Maggie Su. After a woman takes home a blob she finds in an alley, it grows into her ideal man. (Amazon, Bookshop)

* I earn a commission if you use those links.

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{ 187 comments }

{ 187 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Jackalope*

    Reading thread! Share what you’ve been reading and give or request recs.

    I’ve spent the last week reading The Dawn of Everything: A New History of Humanity by David Graeber and David Wengrow. It’s looking at the history of Homo sapiens with a newer, more creative look at the evidence suggesting that a lot of the things we’ve been taught about the progression of our species didn’t happen the way we thought it did. I’ve found it absolutely fascinating, and would 100% recommend it. One note, though, is that it’s very long: most books of this type are around 250-300 pages, but this one is 500+. And I’m a fast reader and have read some of it almost every day (while on vacation so I have a lot of free time), but am still not finished.

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    1. Teapot Translator*

      I read Full Speed to a Crash Landing by Beth Revis based on a recommendation from here. It was fun!
      I would love recommandations for adventure books. I define adventure very broadly. For example, I would say the Murderbot series and the Mrs Pollifax series could be adventure books.

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      1. Rosyglasses*

        Although not strictly adventure, but a series that I put in a similar category to Mrs Pollifax is the Bruno, Chief of Police series by Martin Walker. There are about 15 books set in the french countryside and there is always a lovely mixture of community, food, and mysterious happenings that end up in adventure. Very light and enjoyable.

        The Island by Victoria Hislop is somewhat adventure : a young woman takes a trip to a greek island that use to be a leper colony and learns about her family history – it’s interesting and heart warming.

        The Mirror Visitor series (4 books) by Cristelle Dabos is a fantasy series but is very adventure focused where the character is visiting some very strange worlds and planets, and Pathfinder trilogy by Orson Scott Card is heavily adventure focused but again more in that sci-fi / fantasy realm.

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      2. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        When I was young, I liked Rafael Sabatini’s 1920-something novel *The Sea Hawk*, about a British nobleman betrayed by his brother and sold into being enslaved in Northern Africa and then rising to a position of power. I haven’t re-read it recently, but I assume it merits some content warnings about the portrayal of the people of the protagonist’s new country, but I remember it as a ripping good yarn.

        While I have some issues with many of the James Bond novels (*Live and Let Die* is, for example, in my opinion racist even by the abysmal standards of the early 1950s), they are generally strong adventure stories (except for most of *Thunderball*, which I find unreadable after the initial promising start at the health farm) and very re-readable. For a (mostly) less problematic series, the Modesty Blaise novels are great adventures as well.

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      3. goddessoftransitory*

        You might try older literature, like 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea or Journey to the Center of the Earth!

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      4. Falling Diphthong*

        Adventure:
        The Adventures of Amina al Sirafi: Riproaring tale of the sea, with magic, monsters, map makers, lost treasure, pirates, poisoners. A retired/hiding pirate captain is approached by the family of a crew member to get the gang back together and do one last job.

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      5. not spring yet*

        If you want adventure memoirs:
        Lands of Lost Borders, Kate Harris (bike)
        Miles From Nowhere, Barbara Savage (bike)
        Touching the Void, Joe Simpson (mountaineering)

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    2. Rosyglasses*

      I am on the third book in the Dune series. I read through The Fourth Wing trilogy in one weekend and needed a longer series – so there we are :-)

      I’m also reading book three of the Goblin Emperor world.

      In non fiction, I’m half-way through a re-read of Atomic Habits by James Clear, and thinking of re-reading How the South Won the Civil War by Heather Cox Richardson before diving into some other political reading of current bills.

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    3. PollyQ*

      A Grave In the Woods by Martin Walker. It’s the latest in the Bruno, Chief of Police mystery series, and while I’m a big fan of the books overall, I’m afraid this one was kind of a dud. There isn’t really a mystery to solve, or even much conflict, and the climax of the story revolves around various public servants coping with a flood, which I just didn’t find compelling. The likeable parts of the series are still present–great descriptions of food and wine, many charming returning characters, so it wasn’t a total loss, but ultimately I was quite disappointed.

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    4. Bluebell Brenham*

      Read the first in Jen DeLuca’s series of renfaire romances, Well Met. It was cute. Also finished The Nurse’s Secret, which took place at Bellevue Hospital during the early days of nurse training. Gave up on The Fun Widow’s Book Tour. Thanks to whomever recommended Havoc by Christopher Bollen – wow that was a wild ride!

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    5. goddessoftransitory*

      I finished What an Owl Knows and am closing in on the home stretch of Seven Gables.

      I’m in the middle of Horace Afoot, which was written in the nineties, and weirdly, find some of it harder to related to than Gables. In one section, the main character, who walks around his little town as his main recreation, is wandering around the small regional airport, eventually going up into the control tower.

      I am fine reading about ancient curses following a family from earliest colonial times through poisoned wells and glowering portraits, but had a helluva time suspending my disbelief that a rando could wander into the CONTROL TOWER of an airport without being tackled to the ground and hauled off to a small and windowless room for the foreseeable future!

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    6. My Brain is Exploding*

      First I have to say that the premise of Blob as described by Alison is…strange!
      Anyway…I just finished reading The Night Watchman by Louise Erdrich. It was a gift, one of the kids thought I would like it because it takes place in North Dakota and is about Native Americans and the Indian termination policies from about 1940-1950; it’s fiction but based on a true story. It took a bit for me to get into the book, but then the characters and story started to gel for me. Her writing is descriptive without being too extravagant and the history is important.

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    7. Falling Diphthong*

      Finishing The Improvisers, about a barnstormer in the 1930s who also solves mysteries for a secret magical society. Lots of credit to Bessie Mae Coleman. Hop scotching along the US in the monoplane seeking dangerous magical artifacts, and a look at various Black communities at this time–reminds me of The Monsters We Defy in that aspect.

      I quite like this, and plan to read the other two books in the series, which are about our heroine’s grandparents. (They retire from conducting on the Underground Railroad and start solving mysteries.)

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    8. Retired and Traveling Through Books*

      “The Horse” by Willy Vlautin
      A story that moves from present to reminiscence, regrets and back through life of a small town song writer/musician-until the horse arrives. It’s a slim-yet weighty-novel of loss and hope that stays with the reader. You won’t be disappointed.

      “How Much of These Hills Are Gold” by C Pam Zhang. Set in the late 1800’s, a tale of two children forging their way as young orphans against an unnamed backdrop of gold country and confronting myths of their parents creation.

      This evening I’ve started “Shuggie Bain” by Douglas Stuart.

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      1. fallingleavesofnovember*

        I read How Much of These Hills Are Gold for book club and mostly enjoyed it (the Western setting isn’t one that really speaks to me but this was probably the most interesting takes on it I have come across!)

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    9. Atheist Nun*

      I read and can recommend Mood Machine: The Rise of Spotify and the Costs of the Perfect Playlist by Liz Pelly.

      The author reminds readers that Spotify is not a music web site–it is an advertising company that uses music to sell ads. Its unethical practices jibe well with the mainstream/legacy music industry’s poor treatment of musicians.

      One interesting idea in this book is that Spotify’s model centers the listener and feeds them music that reinforces, rather than challenges, their perspective; the goal is always for the subscriber to keep listening, and hearing the familiar is more likely to accomplish that. I am not sure if the distinction is so cut and dried, though: I can listen both to genres I know and love (1980s British synthesizer songs are at the top of my list) and new, oddball music that I find interesting but also might be happy never to hear again.

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      1. allathian*

        What you get out of the algorithm depends largely on the prompts you feed it, but searching for new types of music takes some effort.

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    10. word nerd*

      I enjoyed Bibliophobia, a memoir by Sarah Chihaya about her depression and the role reading has played in her life–most of the chapters focus on a particular book, one being Ruth Ozeki’s A Tale for the Time Being. After that and reading Nervous Nellie’s rave reviews, I have to give Ozeki another chance. I gave up halfway through an audiobook version of Form and Emptiness, but I have a feeling Ozeki probably works better in print form.

      Oh, and my New Year’s resolution this year was to read/listen to fewer books, and it’s been going pretty well so far! I find myself more cavalier about not finishing books (there were several I tossed aside this week), taking a more relaxed pace with the books I do end up finishing, choosing to read longer books, not sticking earbuds into my ears at every spare moment, etc. It’s also been a weight lifted to leave a book club last month that wasn’t really working for me.

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      1. Wilde*

        Thanks to the commenter who recommended Naomi Norvik’s “Spinning Silver” recently. I really enjoyed this.

        In return, I would like to recommend India Holton’s trilogy beginning with “The Wisteria Society of Lady Scoundrels”, a series of heists and romances (some smut) between pirates and witches, set in 1800s England. Delightfully ridiculous, enjoyably escapist.

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    11. CTT*

      Silly, but I’m moving soon and I am determined to get through my magazine backlog. I read a few late 2023 Vanity Fairs last night; had fun reading about Anatomy of a Fall’s chances at the Oscars!

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    12. Science KK*

      I just finished Sorcery and Other Small Magics by Maigia Doocy (audiobook), and I really enjoyed it! It’s a mix of magic school, city mouse/country mouse, enemies to friends.

      I’m reading Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela and it’s so interesting and surprisingly sweet! He talks so fondly about his childhood friends and people who’ve helped him. I’m less than 1/3 of the way in but I’m enjoying it so far.

      I’m listening to Reclaim the Stars: 17 tales across realms and space edited by Zoraida Cordova, a collection of stories all by authors from the Latin American disapora. I’m 8 stories in and every one has been a banger for a different reason.

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      1. Rara Avis*

        Fun characters in Sorcery and small Magics. My 16 yo queer kid recommended it to me and we had a lively discussion about what’s going to happen in the next book.

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    13. Bethlam*

      I just finished Ysabel by Guy Gavriel Kay, author of my all time favorite book/trilogy, The Fionavar Tapestry. While it’s not a sequel to The Fionavar Tapestry per se, there are a couple of the same characters and you would miss a lot of the nuance and references if you didn’t read the Tapestry first.

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    14. Lizard*

      I’m still crawling my way through Vanity Fair. I like it, but it’s not a fast read for me (and right before bed probably isn’t the best time to be reading it). I also finished Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood and have started the second book in the trilogy, The Year of the Flood.

      A friend and I were discussing today that controversial books seem to be good picks for our book club, so if anyone has recommendations, please share! Most of the lists I found online were banned books, which isn’t exactly what I’m thinking of (although a frequently banned book would work) – just looking for things that would spark discussion or debate. As an example, we read Consent by Jill Ciment and got a good discussion out of it. Bonus points if it’s on the shorter side because our book completion definitely decreases with length.

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      1. word nerd*

        Playground by Richard Powers has so much to talk about and is engagingly written too! I’m so glad my husband read it too so we could discuss it (it’s one I would have forced him to read if he hadn’t already just so I could pick his brain :P). The tension between conserving nature at the expense of advancing technology and development, friendship across socioeconomoic lines, forgiveness, reality, the role of AI, what gives people purpose and meaning…

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    15. Double A*

      Can I be mean for a second?

      I’m reading The Games Gods Play by Abigail Owen and…it’s really stupid. So poorly written. I almost stopped before getting too far into it, but it’s also incredibly brainless and it’s been a rough couple weeks so I need something I can read without thinking even a little bit. But it’s truly spectacularly poorly written. I’m kind of hate reading it at this point and highlighting especially awkward sentences and then reading them to my husband. Would not recommend unless for these purposes.

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    16. Elizabeth West*

      Same stuff I was reading last week, but I wanted to say that the logline for Alison’s book recommendation is amazing. :D

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    17. Helvetica*

      I read Hernan Diaz’s “Trust” and while I found it to be good, I am a bit surprised by how much praise it has received. Yes, there is an element of a puzzle but I’ve read better books with similar premise, so I am feeling a bit underwhelmed. Especially the last chapter when the true story is revealed, I felt he dragged the explanation out too long, as if he didn’t trust the reader to get it from fewer words.

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      1. OaDC*

        I agree. Sometimes when I don’t like a book that has received a lot of critical praise I feel like I’m missing something, but I don’t think that’s the case for Trust.

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    18. fallingleavesofnovember*

      Finished The Saint of Bright Doors and loved it up until the end…I felt like things just wrapped up too quickly and I felt very disconnected from the character. Would still recommend it though!

      Now I’m reading Little Fortress by Laisha Rosnau, a fictional take on a real noble Italian family who ended up in Vernon, British Columbia in the 1920s. The focus is on their long-time “companion/chief of staff” and her history. I have avoided reading about the real family as I don’t want to spoil anything but now I’m quite curious to do so when I finish!

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    19. Evvy*

      I reread The Wednesday Wars (an old favorite from all the way back in middle school!!) after seeing on Jo Walton’s blog on Reactor that she also reread it in January and being reminded how great it is. I am sure I have seen it recommended on one of these threads here as well but it’s a well-known American middle-grade novel by Gary D. Schmidt about a kid and his teacher learning to connect through Shakespeare. And then I looked up Gary Schmidt and found out he published a new book recently—Jupiter Rising, sequel to Orbiting Jupiter. So then I had to get and read that (being for kids, these are very short and I finished them both in a morning). It made me cry about as much as the first one, i.e. I was bawling in my bed. He’s such a wonderful writer and I will probably be reading/rereading his books all my life regardless of any flaws because I remember reading them with such uncritical joy as a kid !!

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    6. WoodswomanWrites*

      My siblings, their spouses, and I made a plan to all get together Memorial Day weekend. We’re spread across the country. Due to losing a family member, in 2024 we all were in the same place for the first time in decades due to losing a family member in January, and again for the memorial in May. We realized how much we care for each other and how well we get along, so we’re making plans now to be together just for fun. Really excited about that.

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    8. the income*

      I hit one year on gender affirming testosterone this week! My doctor literally said “wow” when she came into the exam room for my annual- my face is a lot square-er, my shoulders are definitely broader…here’s hoping I start getting noticeable facial hair soon!

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    9. BellStell*

      I got to see the aurora borealis! Took a short flight north in honor of my mom’s passing (I take a trip every year on the anniversary to take her memory somewhere and reflect). And I spent two days in Norway to reset and reflect. The aurorae were spectacular too!

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    11. fallingleavesofnovember*

      Did our pre-Lenten Russian pancake dinner – we eat them with eggs, sour cream, melted butter, and smoked or cured fish. I did two types of fish and they both turned out really well! Cured trout with orange zest and fennel seeds, and cured salmon with beetroot, gin, and coriander seeds. The second one is always so beautiful with the beet staining the outside of the fish so it has this lovely red layer when you slice it up.

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    12. Firebird*

      Last night I lost my phone on my way out to my car and went back inside to look for it. On my way back outside I met a man who was coming inside to turn it in to the lost and found. Such a relief because I needed it for the directions to get back home!

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    13. Evvy*

      Got to call two friends from college who I don’t talk to as frequently now, one of them is such a lovely ray of sunshine and the other always has really interesting perspectives on the world!

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    14. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Rotator cuff repair continues to be low-to-no pain. I’m starting to do things with my dominant hand again hurrah.

      And I got some exercise too. It was warm enough to walk outside in the sun without a heavy coat so I one-handedly chopped at last week’s ice to melt it faster.

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  3. Jackalope*

    Gaming thread! Share what you’ve been playing this week and give or request recs. As always, all games are welcome, not just video games.

    I haven played any games this week so can’t comment, but looking forward to what everyone else has been playing!

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    1. SparklingBlue*

      Was thrilled to learn more about Pokemon Legends Z/A for this year’s Pokemon Day. I am intrigued by when this falls in the XY timeline, and if this will answer some questions about XY I have had for years.

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    2. Science KK*

      I’m trying to make more time to game so I’ve been jumping back in to Spiritfarer. Cozy chill game helping spirits.

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    3. Jay*

      FINALLY managed to figure out how to get Space Marine II to launch from Steam.
      It’s mostly what I expect to be playing for the near future.

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  4. Jill Swinburne*

    Women with hourglass or pear figures! What do you wear that you find flattering?

    After years of slopping around I want to tidy myself up a bit but I’ve changed shape after pregnancy and turning 40 and what I used to wear doesn’t work so well. I have the complication of being about 5’7 but quite a short waist and busty (35-29-40, high bust 32), so dresses are often a challenge because they’re either tight in the hips or too long in the waist (when I have time to sew, I generally do a 1” full bust adjustment and raise the waist 3/4” and you can’t easily tailor that after the fact), or they make my boobs and/or tummy look enormous.

    More I’m looking for ideas of silhouettes to look for or celebrities to be inspired by, not specific places to buy from – I’m not in the US and I don’t want to shop online, I want to go and try things on. I tend towards casual that can be dressed up and tend to be drawn to the 60s and 70s if I look at vintage.

    TIA!

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    1. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

      As a larger, curvy person, I feel like 60s and 70s fashions are sometimes cut straight and can thus be a little harder for my shape. I find clothing with a 40s or 50s vibe more flattering on me. When I was trying to find pretty clothes for a more zaftig figure, I looked to see what Vivian Vance would wear on old *I Love Lucy* episodes.

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      1. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        Another flattering look I found was a tailored shirt long enough to go past my butt, capri pants, and a nice t-shirt or halter top underneath with cute sandals.

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      2. Jill Swinburne*

        I have done the ‘50s thing (I was sewing extensively c. 2013) but have really struggled to find a way to make it not look or feel twee. I’ve had a little bit more success with ‘80s-does-‘50s, I guess because it feels less ‘put a ribbon in your hair before he comes home’, but in general I think ‘50s style is a bit dressy for me. I will investigate further though!

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        1. Ellis Bell*

          Oh the fifties shapes are vampy, and the forties even more so. The twee stuff is really more to do with the very young girl looks which was achieved with certain accessories (like ribbons!) If it’s the full skirts that are off putting, try the forties, or wiggle dresses.

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    2. Jackalope*

      I’m not super great in this area but one thing I did when I was trying to figure this out was go online and look up my body type. I found a couple of websites that had a good explanation of what cuts tend to look good on specific figures and why, and I was able to take that with me to clothing stores and look for items with the sort of cuts they recommended. I do remember for pear shapes they talked about having something on top so you don’t look as hip-centric, like a design at the top of the shirt/blouse/dress. Also, A frame dresses are good for pear shape.

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    3. Rosyglasses*

      On Instagram I used to follow CaralynMirand who is a plus size model since age 16 and tends toward a similar body style of myself and what you are describing, although she is 5’9 so taller. She has an Amazon Storefront and often links different clothes from a variety of price points and enough of a style suggestion that you could see what pairs nicely and then try on in your favorite stores. She tends to wear alot of dresses and it has helped me decide what to try.

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    4. HannahS*

      I’m a pear-shaped lass (when I sew, I grade two sizes larger from my waist to my hips, add a full-seat adjustment, and also shorten waists by an inch. I’m short, have a pretty average bust and waist, but wide hips and round bum.) The fit-and-flare styles of the early 2010s were great for me; in vintage styles that’s more like the 50s. I absolutely cannot tolerate vintage-style high-waisted pants; I feel like they maximize my tummy and strangle my intestines. Styles I like include:
      -aforementioned fit-and-flare dresses (though I don’t wear them much anymore)
      -knit wrap or faux-wrap dresses, bonus points for ruching
      -swing knit dresses, 60s-ish style trapeze dresses
      -mid/higher rise wide-legged pants (the straight kind, not big flares) with a flowy blouse tucked in
      -jeans and a cropped boxy sweater that just skims the waistband
      -jeans and a big cozy sweater (this is what I actually wear all winter)

      In the summer, I love a calf-length or maxi skirt with a t-shirt. Not revolutionary or particularly trendy, but comfy and looks nice on me.

      I’ve been following Christine Buzan because she kept popping up on my feed with tips on posing for photos (a thing I am terrible at;) she’s a big person with a glamorous style. Not for me, but it works for her.

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    5. Semianon*

      As a short waisted and busy woman, I’m fond of tunic style tops in fabrics that aren’t too thin and drape well. They cover my belly and butt, don’t need to be tucked in, and are forgiving of small changes in weight, and I find they look more polished than t-shirts

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    6. Alex*

      I’m very pear shaped, and I do love a fit n flare dress when I can find good ones. I’ve also had good luck with a high waisted type dress that is flowy.

      For other kinds of garments, I tend to like straight legged or skinny cut pants, bonus if the brand has a “curvy” or some similar kind of option. For a tidy look, I like to wear the kind of cardigan sweater that is flowy in the front, rather than having buttons. I also really like shirts that do the high-low kind of cut of the hem.

      I tend to avoid any kind of boot cut, because I find that makes me look just like a double hourglass. Sheath dresses and pencil skirts are also out of the question. Any kind of top that tries to guess where your boobs are living usually doesn’t work for me.

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    7. Mutually Supportive*

      If you’re in the UK, John Lewis have a personal stylist service which doesn’t cost anything and you aren’t obliged to buy anything. You can just book an appointment and say “heeeelllppp meeeeeee”, explain the kind of thing you’re looking for, and then they bring you stuff to try including explaining how to wear it, why it works for your figure, how to accessorise etc.

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    8. Frieda*

      If you watch Abbott Elementary, Melissa (the actor Lisa Ann Walter) has a great hourglass figure and her character is typically dressed in really flattering, attractive clothes. Might be worth a look for some ideas.

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  5. Teapot Translator*

    Anyone know if there are forums or blogs about PCOS and/or perimenopause? I definitely have PCOS and I’m probably in perimenopause and I kind of feel alone. And it’s been kind of rough, the hormonal imbalance made me go off the rails a bit (I’m better now). I’m not looking for medical advice as I have already consulted a doctor.

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    1. Vanessa*

      Tamsan Fadal has a good insta and I think a new book. It’s a good meeting point of other brewing in the menopause field.

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    2. FanciestCat*

      I’ve spent time on r/pcos on Reddit and found it to be pretty good. I’d take any medical advice with a grain of salt but it sounds like you’re more interested in the community anyway.

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  6. Lets Do This Again!*

    Thanks to everyone who gave advice on attending the President’s Day protest, I had a good, safe, and productive time. There was a good turnout, mood was energetic, and I left feeling more hopeful than I have in a while. I’ll be attending Tuesday’s March 4 protest at my state capitol and then Saturday’s 3/8 International Women’s Day march, I’ve got some signs made and am hoping to locate a Ukrainian flag. Anyone else attending protests in their area?

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    1. Undine Spragg*

      There’s a protest in Philadelphia tomorrow (Saturday), which will end up at Independence Hall. I can’t think of anything more iconic to attend! I wasn’t sure about going alone, but I’ve linked up with a neighbor, so I’m very happy about that.

      I think tomorrow is supposed to be protest at your local national park day. (Independence Hall is part of the national park system, and, why yes, they did lose two employees, but I don’t think that’s a major part of this particular protest.)

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    2. Jill Swinburne*

      As a non-USian I’m so heartened to hear that protests are taking place. All we’re really getting in the MSM is ‘look what they said this time hur-hur, click and be enraged’ but not much about any kind of resistance or protesting.

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    3. Brevity*

      If you can’t find a Ukrainian flag, they’re easy enough to make, just remember blue on top for the sky, yellow on the bottom for the wheat. If you have two rectangles of fabric you can whip one right up.

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      1. Yankees fans are awesome!*

        Yep! It’s tough to find protests where I am, so I have started buying t-shirts made by a local small business to function as my constant protest. One is two thick stripes, one blue and the othrt yellow, representing the Ukranian flag, and another is an abstract sketch of the Gulf states’ coasts with “Gulf of Mexico” slapped right on. I am going to make one of my own that says “86-47.” I got that idea from the Web.

        Onward…

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    4. IT Manager*

      My local Dems have organized a protest chorus – we are singing that Le Mis song in front of our Representative’s office 3/8!

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  7. Meow*

    AAM meta questions: where did the terms “teapot” and “Fergus” came from? Is it as spectacular as “Iranian yoghurt”?

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    3. Zona the Great*

      Alison recently talked about accidentally naming a subject of a letter which was written without names at all and when Alison made up a name for someone in the letter, it ended up being the real name. So maybe she came up with names that are very unlikely to be anyone’s real name. My favs are ones like Florentina Warbleworth. I don’t know how she comes up with them.

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      1. Elizabeth West*

        Fergus (for a workplace jerk) always cracks me up because it makes me think of the annoying little brother Ferguson on Clarissa Explains It All.

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    4. The Prettiest Curse*

      I also wonder which letters were the first to use teapots and llamas as stand-ins for widgets and processes. So much AAM lore!

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      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        I first started using Chocolate Teapot as a way of providing context in a question without giving any personal information. It comes from the phrase “as much use as a chocolate teapot” and over the years other people started to use it and adapt into teapots.

        For made up names there was a Tangerina Warbleworth and a Fergusina at one point too!

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  8. Here for the cats*

    I love seeing the cats on their heated beds. We have more heated beds than we have cats. My FIP Warrior uses them year-round.

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    1. Manders*

      I don’t have any heated beds, but I have a heated throw blanket on my couch and it’s like a sedative to my kitties.

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    3. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Interesting — Stella, our FIP kitty, is also the most devoted to the heating pads (and has also become a little chonk, as seen in the photo; she is the orange and white cat closest to the camera).

      Reply ↓
  9. Bluebell Brenham*

    I recently bought my first glass top electric stove and am looking for cleaning tips. Windex doesn’t seem to be that effective. Is soft scrub really the answer?

    Reply ↓
    1. beep42*

      They make cleaners specifically for glass tops. I think the best one is made by Bar Keepers Friend. It can be hard to find.

      but for everyday, we just use a soapy dish rag and it does pretty good.

      Reply ↓
    2. Rosyglasses*

      We use Weiman Glass Cooktop cleaner. There is a daily spray and then a cream based cleaner with a scrubby pad that will not scratch. It works like a dream!

      Reply ↓
    3. HannahS*

      I use either Barkeeper’s Friend or Vim. You have to get one that’s specifically for glass tops, otherwise it’ll scratch.

      Reply ↓
    4. Chaordic One*

      I’ve been using Weiman Cook Top Daily Cleaner almost every day and then Weiman Glass Cook Top Heavy Duty Cleaner & Polish once or twice a week. These are carried by my local WalMart. I have not seen any other cleaners for glass cook tops but I will keep an eye out for Bar Keepers Friend Glass Cook Top Cleaner. The Weiman products are a bit spendy but they are the best that I’ve found so far. I really only consider them to be O.K. and not great.

      Reply ↓
    5. Bethlam*

      Home Depot and Lowe’s both carry glass top cleaners as well. I’ve had my glass top for 20 years and have used different brands with the same amount of success. I would NOT recommend Soft Scrub. Best advice: don’t wait too long between cleanings with the made-for-glass-cooktops cleaners, especially if something boils over or you have a major spill.

      One other piece of advice: train everyone in your household to never, never, NEVER set anything plastic on the stove.

      Reply ↓
      1. Poquito Gordito Pinguino*

        I use Weiman too. My glass stove top is 25 years old and still shines like new. The secret is to clean it after every use, whether you feel like it or not. My other top tip is if something boils over such as potatoes, clean while the burner is still hot. Soak a dishcloth in cold water, fold it a few times to protect your hand, and quickly scrub the spill a few times until almost nothing remains. Then polish with the Weiman when cool. I love my glass top stove.

        Reply ↓
      2. RLC*

        Seconding the advice to clean up spills ASAP.
        Also, never plop anything small but heavy on the glass. My dad set a bottle of olive oil down just a bit too hard on his glass stove top and the stove top cracked. Couldn’t get it repaired (age of stove) and had to replace stove.

        Reply ↓
    6. I didn't say banana*

      People who work in TV/film (or others with educated guesses), how do you approach someone for a role that is insulting? For example, I watched an episode of 30 Rock where the main character accidentally mistakes Peter Dinklage for a child and then dates him to cover the awkwardness, but keeps accidentally treating him like a child. Or on House when a kid was bullied fot being overweight so they had to cast an overweight teen. How do you cast someone that you’re going to make fun of? What do you say?

      Reply ↓
  10. Falling Diphthong*

    What are you watching, and would you recommend it?

    Watched My Life is Murder, which rests (ably) on the considerable charm of the cast. Nice as a comfort view–and I appreciate Lucy Lawless stomping up to say yes, she will complain about the bad service, and she doesn’t care if you call her Karen–but I don’t think the police can actually solve murders by hiring consultants who can then clone your phone, copy your hard drive, break and enter, etc.

    Watched Surface S1, which similarly rests on the magnetism of Gugu Mbathu Raw as a woman who lost her memory, and starts questioning what she’s being told. I thought the twists in the second half landed well, pulling things together in a way I hadn’t thought of. But spouse pointed out that there appears to be no social media, so you have to be willing to go with the plot and not squint at the seams.

    Reply ↓
    1. HannahS*

      The mister and I are watching Shoresy, which is a comedy about a senior men’s hockey league in Sudbury, ON (a city of about 170 000 near Wisconsin/Michigan.) It’s pretty crass, but also probably the best-written Canadian television I’ve seen in a long time (Canadian television is…well, it exists but it’s not always worth watching.) Shoresy has heart, it’s got really solid Indigenous representation, and it’s silly and dumb.

      Apparently the star/writer/producer also wrote another show called Letterkenny, so we’ll watch that next.

      Reply ↓
    2. goddessoftransitory*

      Love My Life is Murder, especially when they throw in little Easter Egg hints to her Xena past–like one where’s she’s investigating a salon and the hair stylist suggests “going dark with a blunt fringe.” I also love Chowder, the enormous marmie beast who sheds everywhere.

      Reply ↓
    3. goddessoftransitory*

      Kind of between shows. We’re sailing down the Dark Shadows river at a leisurely pace for our lunchtime viewing–we’ve watched it through once so this is more of a giggle, dip in and out rewatch. I’m planning to start Dead Loch soon and am watching the new Father Browns, Murdoch Mysteries and Death in Paradises as they pop up on Prime.

      Reply ↓
    6. allathian*

      The most recent season of Father Brown. Loved to see DI Sullivan finally tell his insufferable father to get lost, and the wedding was so sweet!

      Gosford Park, the 2001 Robert Altman movie was very good with a stellar cast.

      Reply ↓
    7. Helvetica*

      I watched Moonstruck and it was delightful! Cher is truly luminous, Nicolas Cage is intense and bananapants in a way that works for the movie and Olympia Dukakis is truly outstanding in her role.

      Reply ↓
    8. CTT*

      I’m in my final pre-Oscars run and seeing The Brutalist today and Flow tomorrow. My sister and I were going to watch I’m Still Here last night, but we were tired and watched Royal Tenenbaums instead and man that still holds up so well.

      Reply ↓
  11. Puffshroom*

    Can anyone recommend any good historical fiction or non-fiction about Ireland? (Including the Republic and Northern Ireland) I’ve been looking into Irish family history on both sides (I was born and raised in the UK) and have a bit of an intriguing mystery about an ancestor who moved from Galway to London probably around 1915-20 (while the other side were Protestant Northern Irish) . While trying to do the genealogy digging, I’ve also been getting up to speed on Irish history, in general and also specifically when this ancestor was alive to try to get a better idea of what the situation was. I’ve found some great podcasts: The Irish History Podcast (extremely comprehensive and detailed!), Irish Passport, Transatlantic (about the relationship between Ireland and the US) and A Short History of Ireland (on the BBC). But I was hoping to also find some absorbing novels or fascinating non-fiction books, but I haven’t had much luck. (I bought a book called ‘1916’ by Morgan Llewelyn, which is the first in a series that gets great reviews but I find it a bit clunky – the storyline feels like an excuse to present the historical research and the main character shoehorned into the main events of the day.) So anything set in/about the late 19th and early 20th centuries would be great (and there’s a possibility that my ancestor’s brother was in an industrial school so anything about those would be useful. But generally I’d love to hear about any great books about Irish history. (I knew that my British education had been shockingly uninterested in Ireland but somehow the more I do learn, the more horrified I am about it!)

    Reply ↓
    2. Lore*

      Patrick Radden Keefe’s Say Nothing might be a little more modern than you’re looking for but it’s brilliant—a history of the Troubles but with such vivid character portraits it reads like a novel.

      Reply ↓
      2. Puffshroom*

        Oh I have read and loved that – it was SO good. Just the sort of thing I’m looking for too. (And I’m really open to all periods right up to now.) It might be good to go back and reread actually — thanks for mentioning it!

        Reply ↓
    4. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I found that the 1916 series gets way less clunky as it goes on. The historical research is always there, but like, someone told the author “you can’t have your characters THAT much in the middle of all the everything” and she lightened up on it a lot after the first book.

      Reply ↓
      1. Rose is a rose*

        Also by Emma Donoghue: The Pull of the Stars. It’s a historical novel set in a maternity hospital in Dublin in November 1918. WWI is ending and the influenza pandemic is beginning.

        Reply ↓
    6. fallingleavesofnovember*

      Fintan O’Toole is an Irish journalist who came out with a book a couple of years that looks at Ireland during his lifetime (so starting roughly late 1950s), mixes history and memoir. Just checked and it’s called ‘We Don’t Know Ourselves’. I haven’t read it yet but I’ve enjoyed his articles in the Guardian and Irish Times!

      Reply ↓
      1. fallingleavesofnovember*

        I also like Sebastian Berry for historical fiction, although I’ve read only one set in Ireland, called The Secret Scripture. (The other two were about an Irish immigrant to the U.S. and the people he meets – I do highly recommend them! The first is called Days Without End) I think his books all technically focus on different, distantly-connected members of the same family, but it’s not super obvious.

        Reply ↓
  12. RLC*

    Love the feline facial expressions, seeming to judge the human for daring to interrupt The Warming of The Kitty-loaves for a photo op.

    Reply ↓
  13. Socks?*

    All my socks are getting pretty tatty; I was wondering if people had suggestions. I just want comfortable women’s socks that don’t have a noticeable seam I can feel and aren’t too thick. Ankle or quarter socks are what I’m looking for. I have some Bombas and I like them fine but don’t love them the way others do so am open to other suggestions.
    Also specifically looking for the no show socks that you wear with work flats. Finding ones that fully stay up over my heel seems to be really difficult!

    Reply ↓
    2. Honoria Lucasta*

      for flats, I can’t say enough good things about Gekks! I could never find a footie small enough to be truly no-show on my feet, but Gekks absolutely do the trick.

      for regular socks, I really like Old Navy basic white ankle socks. I don’t know if the seam would be too much for you, but they’re nice and thin (and blessedly interchangeable when they come out of the wash)

      Reply ↓
    3. Bart*

      Huge fan of the thin Smartwool socks for work. They keep my feet dry and warm without being too thick. And the patterns are fun! I built up my collection over time as they are expensive, but they have held up well.

      Reply ↓
  14. Jackalope*

    Random easy (I think?) clothing question. Any suggestions on finding good socks? I used to get the packs of white cotton socks that you get at places like JC Penney’s, but I never really liked them. For a long time I loved the Smart Wool socks from REI, until I developed a wool allergy and now I can’t tolerate them. I’ve got some thin-fabric pairs of decorated socks with fun images on them given to me as gifts, but they aren’t super durable. I’m wanting something I can wear inside sneakers and hiking boots (with the hiking boots obviously needing taller socks) that will be comfortable for extended periods of time, since I usually only wear those kinds of shoes when I’m getting exercise (the rest of the time I wear sandals). Any thoughts?

    Reply ↓
    1. Alex*

      If you are willing to shell out for them, bombas socks are awesome. I’m personally a fan of the quarter socks, but they have all sorts of styles to suit your preferences. They are expensive but the ones I bought a year ago and wear frequently don’t show the slightest wear yet.

      Reply ↓
    2. Vanessa*

      I really like drymax socks. They were a big splurge back when I was more of a runner. I have some from 15 years ago that are just wearing out. I’ve bought more since. I love them.

      Reply ↓
    3. RLC*

      We’ve had good luck with the Kirkland brand athletic/crew socks from Costco. Work well with athletic shoes/trainers/sneakers and also with work boots.

      Reply ↓
    4. Toughie*

      The answer to this is Darn Tough! Thruhikers love them because they last hundreds to thousands of miles, and have a lifetime warranty, which I’ve taken advantage of!

      Reply ↓
    5. Mango*

      Alpaca socks are similar in quality to merino wool socks, but without the lanolin that makes so many people allergic to sheep wool.

      Reply ↓
    6. The Prettiest Curse*

      I have some bamboo socks from Boody that are good quality and have lasted well so far. They’re an Australian brand, but are available worldwide through their website. They do great seam-free underwear too.

      Reply ↓
    7. Angstrom*

      Cotton is not a great choice for hiking. If you can’t tolerate wool, I’d look for a good synthetic athletic sock. Maybe look at a running/outdoor retailer? I’ve had good luck with Swiftwick but there are many other brands that could work.

      Reply ↓
    8. Seeking Second Childhood*

      A small tangent. I went years thinking I had a wool allergy until a knitting friend said it could be processing chemicals and dyes, or simply a physical reaction to specific fibers.

      I’ve since found that I don’t react to lambswool, merino, and cashmere. Expensive but helpful for winter so I share it for others to consider.

      Someone in my stitch&bitch group wondered if some things I’d reacted to were mismarked since I’d been buying street-vendor garments when in NYC. If a cheap manufacturer added dog fur to the wool, my dog allergy could look like wool allergy. (This was around the time when a designer’s faux fur trims turned out to have been replaced withcdog fur–designer was equally appalled as the rest of us.)

      All that said, merino socks are my lifeline for winter. ( And so far i’ve only lost one pair to the dryer.)

      Reply ↓
  15. Debt Relief*

    Has anyone used one of those debt relief organizations successfully or are they all too risky or scams which would make your finances worse? Asking for a friend who has crushing credit card debt and inability to pay. She’s in the US and considering filing for bankruptcy. Is there any legit debt relief organization she could try first?

    Reply ↓
    1. goddessoftransitory*

      Yes! It’s been a while so I’ll have to dig out the information, but I did use one and got my debt paid down in a couple of years.

      Reply ↓
      1. Organized chaos*

        When I was considering a service like this, these are folks I talked with, and they were great. I wound up not needing it, but I really appreciated the time they spent and how thorough they were.

        Reply ↓
    2. Vio*

      I’m afraid I can’t speak for US but I’ll put my experiences here just in case they’re useful for anybody else in UK.
      Several years ago I was in dire financial straits and a friend recommended a charity called Christians Against Poverty, who were happy to help despite my not being religious (and they made zero attempts to convert me). I ended up not needing to go through with the bankruptcy as I gained a part time job that was compatible with my health issues, but they did a great job of sorting out the paperwork and preparing everything and were happy to hear that it wasn’t needed.
      More recently I’ve had help from Citizens Advice Bureau to check I’m receiving all the benefits I’m entitled to (I was not. Now I am, it makes a huge difference) and to get my debts managed and we looked at the possibility of a Debt Relief Order.

      Reply ↓
  16. Maid Marian*

    I have a group of 8 friends (all women in out mid 30s) who have been friends since college, so we’re all pretty tight. Most of us still live within driving distance, with a couple living a few states away. Lately, with the local friends, activity planning has fallen to one person Emily. Everyone plans things now and then but she’s been the one most regularly planning the activities, both regular hangouts and our annual girls trip. Emily has hit a point where getting responses from the group has been very difficult and she has now said she needs to take a step back from planning. I support her in doing this and have already volunteered to take over planning for our next girls trip (I’ve been bad about assisting the last few months due to a personal health problem and then a family health problem but that’s been settled that I can focus on my friends).

    Basically my question is, how do I get the rest of my friends to step up with planning stuff? Even just little things like “let’s all meet for dinner” seems hard to get people to even respond to date suggestions, let alone help plan. I know our friends enjoy the activities, they say so with genuine enthusiasm when they attend; it’s just that getting responses is such a chore without endless reminders and nudges to respond yay or nay.

    Reply ↓
    1. Science KK*

      I’ve had this issue too and I haven’t found a solution sadly. And it’s rough because you don’t want to stop hanging out but it’s unfair to dump it on one person.

      Reply ↓
      1. Organized chaos*

        I used to be that person for almost all the groups I was involved in. I learned that I would get feedback from people about dates and activities, or restaurants or whatever the case might be, then set a date, time and place and throw out the invite. Some people will come and some won’t, but I’ve never found a better way to plan events without making myself or the other is crazy.

        Reply ↓
    2. Double A*

      Maybe rather than, “What dates work for people?” you start with, “Here are two options, anyone not able to make one of those? Respond by X date if you have a strong preference, and I’ll let you know the plan.” Then you choose whichever one seems better. Planning by committee is rough if people don’t have strong opinions. Narrow down the choices and set deadlines.

      Reply ↓
    3. Not A Manager*

      I think you need to voluntell someone to be the point person, in the moment. You’re on group chat, someone says “let’s get dinner soon,” everyone else says “great,” you say, “terrific! Emily has been planning too much and I just organized the quilting bee, so Justine, how about you plan this one. Everyone, be sure to respond to Justine right away when she suggests dates and places!” That’s a little bit exaggerated, but not much. You need to call someone out directly.

      Reply ↓
    4. Yankees fans are awesome!*

      I’d pick a date, request responses, send one reminder close to the date, and then let the chips fall where they may; perhaps all eight of you will go, or perhaps three. Sounds like everyone is busy and at this stage in life, gatherings are nice-to-haves but become increasingly difficult to accommodate no matter how much people genuinely enjoy and appreciate them.

      Reply ↓
    5. Little Miss Helpful*

      Our chavurah (friendship circle) of 8 families has an annual calendar meeting. We choose a date, event, and host for each month-ish. As it gets closer, the organizer sends out reminders, signups, whatever. Sometimes a date or activity needs to be rescheduled or falls through, but it works pretty well overall. We’ve been doing it for about 13 years.

      Reply ↓
    6. GroupScheduler*

      As the one who winds up doing all the planning if I want stuff yohappen, the answer is you can’t. Full stop. I used to have a monthly dinner and grab with a bunch of friends and I’d try to force people to schedule the next outing before we left each time because otherwise it took an exhausting amount of follow up to get things scheduled and often resulted in going 7-10 weeks between instead – but no one else ever internalized my comments about how much harder it was if I had to chase people down. I did it for years because it was my main social event of the month, but when I stopped for the pandemic I didn’t pick it back up. It took almost 2 years of someone else periodically trying to herd the cats before we held an online catch up call. I suggested scheduling the next on the call, we did, but was sick and missed it. They left it as will schedule the next one online almost 3 weeks ago and there was a single half-hearted attempt to do so without the type of concentrated, individual follow up I know will be needed to actually schedule. I refuse to do it, do we’ll see what happens.

      Reply ↓
    7. Turtle Dove*

      As the group planner, I’m having some success with a standing monthly date. Two social groups enthusiastically said yes when I threw out the idea so that we (mostly I) wouldn’t have frustrating and time-consuming rounds of planning. It’s all pretty new, but so far, so good. We agreed it’s fine for anyone to suggest a change to the venue and time of day — and even which week we meet if done early. That came up at yesterday’s lunch, so we might shift our March lunch from the fourth Friday to the third. I’ll send out an email today. It’s been much easier on me. As the big planner in the group, I don’t mind sending out a few emails, like to remind the group on a Monday about that Friday’s lunch. But I was starting to mind a lot that we didn’t meet up unless I initiated plans and then managed numerous emails with delays from some people. I need balance and mutuality in my friendships, so that wasn’t working for me. At times I gave up planning out of frustration, but then I missed my friends. Their enthusiasm when I suggested a standing date meant a lot to me. Clearly they want to get together, but they aren’t planners like I am. I really hope this new approach has legs. I think we’ll meet up anyways when someone can’t make it, at least in the larger group.

      Reply ↓
    8. Ellis Bell*

      I agree with Turtle Dove that you need a standing, upcoming date for them to proactively avoid scheduling things on. If you wait for the hive mind to come up with a date, it won’t happen. You might have to be okay with proceeding without the whole group, and if a follow up event is also on a scheduled date, then just be okay with seeing them next time. I think it depends on how often you want to get together and on how many Yes responses you need for it to be worth doing. If you’re getting 2+ responses, then possibly make plans for those 2+ people but at something that people can attend last minute if they’re free; so drinks at a bar or picnic rather than reservation.”Okay, so me, Emily and Constance are in for payday drinks! Anyone else want to join, let me know”.

      Reply ↓
    9. Evvy*

      Speaking from the other side of the fence as someone who often has to dip or excuse myself from attending group hangs because of unpredictable energy levels and working in the evenings—if someone is making themselves difficult to plan around, it’s okay to skip them for that round of planning and circle back at the end (“We decided on May 6 at 2pm! Hopefully that works for you, if not then maybe next time?”). First of all because waiting and nudging interminably because a few people haven’t responded while everyone else’s schedule is rotting on the vine… is a lot of work for you! But also, I used to be the person who would go silent on group chats during restaurant picking or awkwardly put off submitting available dates because I honestly wasn’t sure about my schedule or how I would be able to fit it in—not because I didn’t want to see my friends or because their scheduling efforts were a burden to me! But things got a lot easier once I was able to clearly say “I’m not sure if I can come, but yall figure out what works for you and I’ll see if I’m free then!” and I suspect that a lot of people who are wishy washy on the planning front (understandably frustrating the people who would just like a timely answer, please!) are trying to kind of nonverbally telegraph a sentiment like this, without having the words to actually express it. Ymmv as some people may genuinely be shocked when the group fails to plan around them despite a total lack of communication on their end, but in those cases it’s sometimes a necessary jolt to see your friends do dinner without you a few times and finally realize the logistics of what is required from you to be able to make it to those meetups.

      Reply ↓
  17. Wilde*

    Kia ora,
    My husband is travelling to Italy soon and I would like him to buy me some clothes that we can’t get here in NZ. Can anyone recommend so good quality stores (chain or local) for us to investigate? He’ll be in Tuscany and Rome, and also flying through Dubai.

    Reply ↓
    1. Cookies For Breakfast*

      I like the brand Falconeri for wool and cashmere, if that’s something you might like. Though it’s expensive (I only ever bought from them during sales) and the designs I’ve seen this year were less my style they were years ago.

      Rinascente is a large, high-end(ish) department store that I believe is in Rome (not sure about Tuscany). Mentioning it as it has a variety of brands and my mother, who is notoriously hard to please, always finds something there.

      Not sure what brands are available in NZ and what your budget is, but in Rome, a walk through Via del Corso and the side streets that lead to Piazza di Spagna will uncover many European / Italian brands from household names to luxury.

      Reply ↓
      1. Wilde*

        Thanks! We have Zara and H&M here, I think our budget would be the level above them.

        Wool and cashmere are amazing! Unfortunately we have small kids and high maintenance fabrics are not compatible with life right now.

        Reply ↓
    2. Worried for you all*

      For everyday things, you might want to send him to Uniqlo (non-Italian brand), if you don’t have that! Check out their website.

      They are not in my country, and I am very pleased with the corduroy trousers and skirt I got from their Rome store :)

      Reply ↓
    3. DistantAudacity*

      I got a lovely jumper from Le Tartarughe, a small local shop on Via del Piè di Marmo, 17, 00186 Roma. They had other great things as well :) If you look them up on Google maps, there are pictures from the shop.

      Also – don’t forget to get your husband to kit himself out: men’s fashion and options are terrific! A lot of places (including Uniqlo!) do tailoring services, so depending on his travel plans he might like to be able to shop early, and go back and pick up hemmed trousers or adjusted shirts or whatever.

      Reply ↓
  18. Dodubln*

    My friend and her husband used Greenpath, and were out of some crushing debt within a few years. Subsequently, when my sister and her husband had a similar situation, they used them also. Both couples avoided having to declare bankruptcy, and became debt-free.

    Reply ↓
  19. RC*

    I switched to predominantly camis with shelf bras … let’s be honest, before the pandemic (yay 30s, yay not caring anymore!) but most of the ones I have are getting pretty tired. And in the meantime it seems like everything is now fast fashion poly blends, ugh. Anyone have any recs? I’m looking for 100% cotton, with a (not padded or shaped) shelf bra, preferably longer and narrower as a shirt cut and adjustable straps, and interesting but not super wild colors (my last ones were aqua, maroon, dark blue, etc). And also I’m not going to buy anything through the Evil Empire anymore (and I’m cool paying more for ethical and sustainable manufacturing because *gestures widely*). Does this exist anywhere? Figured it’s worth an ask!

    Reply ↓
    1. Double A*

      Maybe check out Pact? I have one of their bralettes and I like it pretty well. It looks like they have a camisole like you’re describing and it’s organic cotton. It can be spendy but they also have deals; looks like you can get 3 for $63 right now.

      Reply ↓
      1. RC*

        Good tip, thanks! I am somewhat irked that all of their models seem to be pulling their camis up instead of just letting me see how it sits on your dang hips— I kind of have a thing about clothing gaps and so if it’s too short I’m not going to like it. But I guess if they allow returns?

        Reply ↓
    2. Fellow Traveller*

      I LOVE the camis from Duluth Trading Company. They are cotton/spandex, but the bit of stretch is nice. They tend to be very long on me – I am 5’3”. They have both shelf camis and shelf tanks. (I also wear the built in bra cup version when I need something with more support.
      I’ve tried the Pact ones too, they were narrower in cut and the straps were skinnier.

      Reply ↓
    4. Mystere*

      Nettles Tale Boutique out of Vancouver BC might have something.

      Ureshii Design from PEI Canada has natural fabrics, made to order and measure clothing. They will save your measurements and adjust clothing based on request. And they ship outside Canada.

      Reply ↓
  20. StudentA*

    What’s your favorite comedy show based on how funny it is (as opposed to, like, you like the characters or overall storyline or whatever)? And would you generally recommend it? Is it a show we can find and watch (as opposed to for example, it was funny or understood within a certain time in history, say).

    Reply ↓
    1. I didn't say banana*

      The Good Place. I actually didn’t like the plot all that much after season 1 but the jokes and how well they are delivered make the show hilarious. To the extent that I don’t read on my phone while re-watching it because I miss too many good lines. It’s on Netflix in my country so it’s easily available.

      Fair warning, I cried for hours after the finale though.

      Reply ↓
    2. Vio*

      Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss (both by the same writer and set in the same universe) are hilarious black comedy musicals, the songs are especially funny and catchy. Hazbin is on Amazon Prime but Helluva is free on youtube
      Also another vote for the Good Place.

      Reply ↓
    3. Helvetica*

      I’ve watched Brooklyn Nine-Nine twice and the second time around, found it just as funny as the first time.
      I also think Parks&Rec holds up really well, and has a good blend of humorous and weird (the townspeople are their own thing).

      Reply ↓
    4. fallingleavesofnovember*

      We love Derry Girls and Schitt’s Creek and can find appropriate moments to quote both back to each other. Definitely use subtitles for Derry Girls! The first season of Schitt’s Creek doesn’t always pull people in – but if you stick with it, it becomes very moving and then the first seasons are funnier on rewatch because you know the growth that the characters go through.

      Reply ↓
    5. Meow*

      Utopia the Australian show about a fictional government department is solidly the funniest show I’ve ever seen, a lot of it might be lost to non Australians (or Australians who never worked in governments).

      Otherwise, the UK show Getting On is incredible.

      Reply ↓
  21. Honoria Lucasta*

    Any advice for doing Mardi gras in New Orleans? I’m going with some friends to the Endymion parade on Saturday and I don’t know what to expect. I’ve already been surprised by the instructions to bring a tote bag! I do plan to wear comfortable shoes. I will not be flashing anybody.

    Reply ↓
    1. Nola*

      Happy Mardi Gras!

      Are you camping out on the neutral ground or going to a house party? I’m going to assume camping.

      1. Scope out the bathroom situation early. The City provides a decent amount of port-a-potties on the Endymion route but it’s a long day and there’s a lot of drinking so there may not be any toilet paper left by the time the parade stops rolling at 7/8/9/10 depending where you are. A roll of toilet paper and a supply of wet naps for the group makes everything nicer.

      2. Might be a little late to find one now but a cell phone lanyard. Port a potties don’t have lights and they are dark after, well, dark. Use the light on your cell phone to see. A lanyard keeps the light handy but your hands free.
      (These tips are for those who sit when they pee, if you’re a standee, not as big a deal but still nice to know.)

      3. The bag is for your throws. Beads, plastic cups, plushies, etc. Endymion riders are usually pretty generous with their throws. You may think you’re not going to care about beads or cups but once the parade starts rolling and you’re caught up in the magic of the moment, you’ll want to keep some of them.

      3a. Stay alert! A bag of beads to the face hurts. Pay attention, keep your arms up when the floats are rolling past, and be prepared to grab whatever is flying at your head.

      4. Bring a couple of dollars for the flambeaux carriers. They’re the ones early in the parade carrying the torches and gas cans. In the old days they used to light up the parade path and people paid them for their service. Obviously they no longer light the path but the tradition remains.

      5. Be prepared for a long day. Endymion starts at 4:15 but you’re probably getting to your spot at noon. There will be delays. Endymion has some hugh multi sectioned floats and they can’t make the turns from Orleans to Carrollton to Canal without considerable effort. Pontchartrain Beach has to be disassembled, I think? So there are several stops during the parade. Depending on where you are the parade is not going to finish until at 8/9/10. Plan for that. Lots of food, snacks, drinks (non-alcoholic too!).

      6. Have fun! Mardi Gras is truly an amazing event andEndymion has some of the best floats. If you’ve never seen a Mardi Gras type parade before, you will be amazed.

      Hail Endymion!

      Reply ↓
  22. Beth**

    Now that Skype is being discontinued, any suggestions for VoIP services that:
    1. can be used to dial landlines
    2. are pay per minute (I don’t use it enough to make any subscription worthwhile)
    3. are available in the UK

    Google has been singularity useless. It keeps recommending things like WhatsApp that don’t do what I need.

    Reply ↓
    1. BellStell*

      Thanks for this. In Sept 2024 I renewed a year subscription as many family do not use whatsapp etc and I am in Europe they are not. Am so disappointed. Need to find out if I can get a refund. And do not know what else to use either.

      Reply ↓
    2. Weegie*

      Not quite what you’re looking for, but might 18185 be any good for some of what you want to do? It is available in the UK, has an option that doesn’t involve having a BT landline, you pay by the minute and can call landlines.

      Reply ↓
  23. Vio*

    Just a quick thanks for the people who replied to my post last week about financial advice. I didn’t get a chance to reply but I read and appreciated them all.

    Reply ↓
  24. Anima*

    So I’ve read my old diaries from 10-13 years back and wowoza, I wasn’t a good person back then! Very self absorbed, and so clueless, that I hurt some people.
    I came out of the bad ending of an abusive marriage, and my self esteem was so low, I just didn’t comprehend that people could like me just for being me. At the same time I was so pre-occupied with myself I did not take other people’s feeling into account *at all*. Just stomping around and making chaos and drama all around me. I lost some very important friendships, but also gained some that continued until this day.
    Now, a good decade later, I sit with that and wonder how I can come to terms with that. Did any of you have a growing journey and how did you handle looking back and not liking your past self at all? I kind want to apologise to some people, but I feel it’s water under the bridge now.

    Reply ↓
    1. Anima*

      I also feel I have trouble making and keeping friendship with women because of my past behaviour, because they stay away from the drama that followed me. I’ve been drama free since seven years now. Most of my close friends are male, which is a red flag I can see now (I’m female).

      Reply ↓
      1. Angstrom*

        Curious as to why you think that’s a red flag? I’ve known a few women who got along better with male friends, just as some men are more comfortable with women as friends.

        Reply ↓
    2. fallingleavesofnovember*

      When I was in university, two of my closest friends that I’d come up with through elementary and high school sat me down and basically told me all the ways I was failing as a friend. It was very painful, as I had been mostly oblivious to how they were feeling. I reflected deeply on what they said, and some of it was true…it changed how I interacted in subsequently friendships and I think made me a better friend generally, but also made me much more self-conscious in my friendships. It’s taken a long time to recognize the impact that conversation had on me and to try and be more vulnerable in my relationships now, without losing sight of the true elements of their critique – I’m still trying to get it right really.

      I think I can have compassion on my past self for being young and stupid (about a lot of things) and understanding the reasons I was that way. But even right when it happened, I decided to focus on people who genuinely seemed to like me back already, rather than those I’d have to work to “prove” how I had changed and convince them I could be the type of friend they wanted.
      All that to say, while I think it’s probably better to focus on new relationships, I think you could reach out to a couple of people who you really valued and see if they wanted to reconnect – I would keep any apology very light, maybe just an acknowledgement that you had been dealing with a lot at the time and having come out of it now, wanted to reach out because you had cared about the friendship. I think if you would need to make an apology stronger than that, I wouldn’t reach out.

      Reply ↓
    3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I kind of land with your last sentence. If I reach out to someone I haven’t talked to in 20 years to apologize for something stupid I did, that was bad enough that it ended our friendship, even if the apology would be well intended, what would the outcome be? I’m happy in my life as it is, so I don’t necessarily need to try to rekindle the friendships, and I have no reason to believe that would happen even if I did want it because I was a jerk and why should they care what I have to say now – we’ve all moved on so why bring it up again.

      Reply ↓
    4. not spring yet*

      I’ve been on the receiving end of such an apology, after about 20 years. I did appreciate it. People whom you’ve hurt will remember that, and they probably cared a little bit about you, so it gives a bit of good feeling to know that you’ve grown and are in a better place.

      Reply ↓
  25. Firebird*

    My online peer support group uses Skype for group video calls. Since it’s going away, we need to replace it with something free that will allow 2 hour meetings. The ability to create breakout rooms would be great, but not required.

    Because of anonymity issues we can’t use a member’s private service and we don’t collect money, so we can’t pay for a service.

    Just a side note, we have already doubled in size since the election and we really want to keep the group going.
    Any suggestions are welcome.

    Reply ↓
  26. Hypatia*

    Thanks to all who recommended novels , mostly related to WWII , a while ago. My homeschooler enjoyed the ones I eventually picked- Boys in the Boat, All the Light We Cannot See, Hiroshima, Maus- and The Diary of Anne Frank is next. Now I’m thinking he could use something a bit more lighthearted after we’re done with that. (Eventually we’ll hit Macbeth – not known as a fluffy read.) Any suggestions for a fun novel, classic or modern, without too much romance? He’s done most of the standard high school readings, so sonething a little unusual would be great. ( And he doesn’t like Terry Pratchett very much.)

    Reply ↓
  27. Seeking Second Childhood*

    Women’s shoes question: the bunion edition.

    I inherited my father’s large wide feet & high arch– but my mother’s bunions. I need to find shoes that don’t run a seam across the part of the foot that would be knuckles on a hand.

    The immediate need is something to wear with a dress or dress slacks. (Friday forum cough cough) Casual shoes and sneakers to be replaced after that.

    For casual, I’ve worn Merrell’s urban mocs for many years, but they changed something when they moved production overseas. My foot was too tall for the last 2 pairs I got. Wearable, but no longer comfortable.

    I’m leery of mail order but currently stuck with it while I’m recovering from rotator cuff surgery and can’t drive. (I’m saving my friends’ “want a ride?” favors for medical stuff and birthday parties.)

    Thanks for any suggestions!

    Reply ↓

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