Ask a Manager

A reader writes:

I’m hoping you could help me with some questions I have about a volunteer position I’ve been doing for about 1.5 years now.

It’s a newsletter/communications position for one of the departments (Department A) of a local nonprofit that I really admire. I developed the newsletter program and it was a great experience, but after my supervisor changed last fall, the position has become kind of frustrating for me. I told my new supervisor last year that I could commit to the end of 2015, and I’ve decided I don’t want to do it past that, at least not for Department A.

My first question is, what’s an appropriate time/way to tell her? It’s a bimonthly newsletter and our June-July issue just came out, so there are two issues left for the year. I don’t want to delay the news in case she wants to look for someone to take over, but I also don’t want to sour the relationship too early, since from past stuff I think she might take it personally.

The past stuff is that while she’s generally a nice person, she doesn’t react that well when it seems like I’m working with someone else, even within the organization itself. (For example, she invited me to a community discussion so I could write a story about it, but when I sat with her manager instead of her–because she was late and I didn’t know anyone else!–she kept coming over to my table while we were talking to tell me to come sit with her group, taking one of our table’s chairs, reaching for my food to carry it over, etc., until I did. I had only known her for two months at that point and felt irritated and uncomfortable.)

The other reason I’m writing, though, is that I do want to stay involved with the organization, maybe even in another communications role, and so her habit of taking stuff personally has me stumped as to how to proceed.

Specifically, a while ago her manager asked if I’d be interested in helping run the organization’s general social media accounts (answer: yes!). I couldn’t at the time because of work stuff, but a few months later I had time and thought it’d be courteous to let my supervisor know that I was planning to get in touch with her manager about it. But when I told her about the possibility–obviously making clear that it’d be in addition to the newsletter–she was really unenthusiastic, immediately changing the topic to how Department A had a Facebook and she wanted to set up a Twitter and they needed my help there, and I could do that for them, couldn’t I?

I felt so wrong-footed that I said, “Yes, sure, I can do that” and ended up not emailing her manager. Side note: I know both those reactions are on me, not her, and that the position might not have been open any more. But it really was bewildering. (Icing on the cake, I later realized the Facebook page isn’t even for Department A but for a local park. The park’s in one of our neighborhoods, yeah, but we serve three neighborhoods, not one.)

I know this has gotten long, but my questions are–with the above context, do you think there’s a non-awkward way for me to try to stay involved in volunteer communications here, or would it just be really bad if I tried to move from Department A to doing general communications/social media stuff for the org? Is my frustration understandable, or am I being a bit of a pissbaby? And, again—is there a good way or a good time to tell her I’m leaving?

Well, first, tell her you’re leaving now. Since you’re certain that you are, it’s considerate to give her as much notice as possible, so that she has a head start on lining up someone else to do the work you’ve been doing. Particularly with volunteer roles, it can take time to find the right person, so you don’t want to spring it on her later on when you already know now. (And this is different from figuring out how much notice to give for a paid job, where your livelihood can depend on your employer’s reaction. In this case, if she pushes you out a bit early, that’s okay.)

Plus, you already gave her a heads-up that you weren’t committing past the end of this year. It shouldn’t be a terrible shock to circle back and tell her that you’ve thought about it and are indeed going to wrap up your role in December.

If she takes the news badly, you can address that at that point. For example: “Jane, I really love volunteering here and want to fulfill my commitment, but your reaction to my announcement is making it harder for us to work together. Can you ___ ?” (Fill in with whatever you need her to do: stop berating you, behave pleasantly, stop crying whenever she speaks to you, etc.)

Also, I’d reach out to that manager who asked you to help with social media a while back. Let that person know that you’re wrapping up the work you’re doing for Jane but would love to stay involved in their communications and social media in other ways. Ask if you can talk with her about options. And then, in that conversation, I’d strongly consider mentioning the issues you’ve had with Jane — because as Jane’s manager, she needs to know that Jane is alienating good volunteers. If nothing else, it sounds like Jane could use some coaching, and her manager may not realize that. Plus, raising it will also allow you to say, “Can you help me figure out how to stay involved without having weirdness with Jane over it?”

And yes, your frustration sounds plenty understandable to me. But before you get too frustrated, assert yourself about moving out of the stuff you no longer want to do and speak up about the work you’d rather do instead. That might solve the whole problem, in which case, no frustration necessary.