weekend open thread – November 16-17, 2024

by Alison Green on November 15, 2024

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: Blood Test, by Charles Baxter. A mild-mannered father is thrown after a blood test predicts he will turn to a life of crime.

* I make a commission if you use that Amazon link.

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{ 87 comments… read them below or add one }

  1. Ask a Manager* Post author

    The weekend posts are for relatively light discussion — think office break room — and comments should ask questions and/or seek to discuss ideas. “Here’s what happened to me today” personal-blog-style posts will be removed (because they got out of control in the past). We also can’t do medical advice here.

    These threads are no politics.

    Please give the full rules a re-read.

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    1. Dark Macadamia*

      Be a Revolution – I love Ijeoma Oluo’s writing and this one has been on my list for awhile.

      God of the Woods – I’m not huge on mysteries but it’s a book club pick and I’m enjoying it so far.

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    2. Sloanicota*

      “Margo’s Got Money Problems,” which I believe was a recc from here, finally came up in my library holds cue. I really like the author’s observations so far.

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    3. Flower*

      Just finished Creation Lake (shortlisted for the Booker Prize, didn’t win it). People either think it’s brilliant or they think it’s weird and boring and it makes them feel stupid. I am in the latter camp. I have read lots of analyses and reviews of it and I still don’t see why people think it’s so great. (Please feel free to enlighten me, anyone! I would appreciate it.) I feel really dumb. The London Review of Books review made me feel a little better (the critic at one point said that while he was reading the book he thought, “why are you even writing this?”), but the naysayers are definitely in the minority.

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      1. Flower*

        p.s. The only reason I even finished reading it at all is that it’s for my book group. Otherwise I would have abandoned it, and I never do that.

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    4. Jackalope*

      I just finished a book called Wild Girls by Tiya Mills. It’s a nonfiction book about girls and women in US history who were outdoorsy, and whose love of the outdoors helped them become stronger to fight against the bad parts of our society. There was a special emphasis on Black and Indigenous girls, which I enjoyed. Some of the book was rough, since it went into some of the most awful bits of our history (slavery and genocide against Indigenous peoples, as well as the Indian boarding schools). But it was overall hopeful, and I enjoyed reading about things like how the Indigenous children resisted their kidnappers at the boarding schools, or how Harriet Tubman’s extraordinary success at smuggling people to freedom (none of her groups were ever captured) was due in part to her fieldwork and forestry such that she knew how to move and keep people safe and fed. It’s a short gem of a book and I highly recommend if you’re at all interested.

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    5. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

      Finished the Joan Didion novel *The Last Thing He Wanted* — another geo-political thriller like *Democracy* and *The Book of Common Prayer*. I feel like she’s a little like Graham Greene. I really liked the book, but I still think my favorite of hers is still *Play It As It Lays* (which is not a geo-political thriller at all).

      Started on a comfort re-read of E. F. Benson’s *Queen Lucia*, where nothing heavier than small-village social politics is going on. It’s bound with Benson’s *Miss Mapp*, so that’s next on the list, and then I’m going for a comfort re-read of what I think is Agatha Christie’s first Tommy and Tuppence novel, *The Secret Adversary*.

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    6. Charlotte Lucas*

      Finished “Witches Abroad” and “The Last Dragonslayer.” Halfway through “Enter a Murderer” and about to start “The Song of the Quarkbeast.”

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    7. Falling Diphthong*

      Three Bags Full by Leonie Swann. A shepherd is murdered and his flock decide to solve the mystery of his death. Told from the point of view of the sheep. Fun and engaging.

      Sheep are exceptional at acting casual.

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    8. goddessoftransitory*

      Finishing up the Crime Novels of the 30s and 40s collection, the last one being Cornell Woolrich’s I Married a Dead Man. The plot was super familiar and it turns out I saw a film of it with Barbara Stanwyck last year.

      At home I got American Scary by Jeremy Dauber for my birthday: it’s an overview of American themes in horror from the colonies until today. It’s very well researched and much deeper with a focus on the nation’s history and sins than just a catalogue of “bad stuff.” I now must read The House of the Seven Gables after putting it off all my adult life.

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    9. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      After a discussion in last week’s thread, I have been rereading the Trixie Belden books that are available in ebook. Nostalgia. :)

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    10. word nerd*

      This week was mostly books I liked! Three faves from the week:

      Playground by Richard Powers (the guy who wrote The Overstory), which definitely required a debrief with my husband who had read it last month

      Mickey 7 by Edward Ashton, about an expendable human who keeps getting cloned when previous versions die doing dangerous jobs. The snark and light tone reminded me a bit of Murderbot and Andy Weir (although admittedly not as well done as either). A movie based on the book is coming out this spring.

      Life Among the Savages by Shirley Jackson, a memoir of her life focusing on her chaotic family life with by the end 4 young kids.

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    11. RedinSC*

      I’m reading The Spellshop by Sarah Beth Durst. I’m about half way through

      It was recommended here a while back. I’m enjoying it so far, but the main character’s anxiety is a bit overwhelming.

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    12. Rosyglasses*

      Priya Parker : The Art of Gathering – which explores how to assign deeper meaning to meetings, community gatherings, friend get-togethers, etc – and how that can lead to more meaningful connections.

      Barbara Pym : Crampton House – is arriving tomorrow on recommendation here.

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    1. Snell*

      Been a tough week in the big picture, but I finally replaced my car that got totalled a few weeks ago (in a fairly terrifying collision) + completed associated paperwork for it. Growing the good out of the bad.

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      1. Squirrel Nutkin (the teach, not the admin)*

        Glad it sounds like you are okay and getting some nice transit as a replacement!

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    2. Six Feldspar*

      It was my birthday on Monday! I had a nice chill day working from home, then pilates after. I’m doing other things on the weekends before and after so it was nice to have the day itself be pretty low key.

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    7. RLC*

      Cold weather = more cat snuggles! Yes, they are little opportunists who are probably more interested in human body heat output than in actual affection, but we enjoy the attention.

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    8. Falling Diphthong*

      I decided life was too short to eat more than one of the crappy mini eclairs I bought.

      (Sounds weird, but I had one at tea and was doing the “I could force these down if I were a guest at someone’s home, so we could have them for dessert tonight and tomorrow…” and then stopped and asked myself WHY.)

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    9. Linnaea*

      When our server at the restaurant we go to every week told us we were the staff’s favorite customers. We’ve been going there since it opened about 20 years ago.

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    10. Rosyglasses*

      Finally installing adblocker so that this site doesn’t stall out or reload in weird ways – hurrah!

      Spending an art night with friends and catching up on some colored pencil drawings for November (a daily prompt activity).

      Baking chocolate chip cookies to enjoy during Great British Bake Off!

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  4. Literally a Cat*

    I would love to have some good thoughts please, thank you. At the vet waiting for the results of my geriatric kitty.

    Reply ↓
    7. Falling Diphthong*

      From my “visualize your body healing” tape: Picture a pet from whom you have felt love, and let that feeling surround you.

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  5. RLC*

    Alison’s cat crew looks ready to take on winter’s chill! What a comfy bunch.
    Do I see a heating pad under the group?

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  6. Charlotte Lucas*

    Topic: Chemistry between actors in their roles. Sometimes I am so impressed by how much I believe actors are in love/lust or even true friends. Some of my favorites:

    Shawn and Gus as BFFs in Psych

    The British show The Musketeers – I believe they’re all each other’s ride or die, and the romantic chemistry between Aramis and the Queen is off the charts

    Bashir and Garak in ST: DS9 (I totally believed Worf and Jadzia, too)

    Henry Higgins and Ruth Newsome (of the Mimico Newsomes) in Murdoch Mysteries have the kind of wacko chemistry that is a joy to behold

    Nick and Nora in the Thin Man series

    Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in their movies

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      1. Dark Macadamia*

        Basically all of the Good Place! Phenomenal chemistry between the main four plus Michael and Janet in various permutations.

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  7. LemonDrops*

    I moved several years ago and have yet to make any friends in the new area.
    My daily commute is very long and exhausting, so I find my weekend time is when I do errands and chores. It’s not much of a life. I want to make some friends here, but I’m stuck as to how.

    I’m an atheist. I looked into taking courses for adults, but they seem to all be offered during the day- must be for retirees. I have also joined meetup but find myself just too tired to drive into the city.

    does anyone have any suggestions I haven’t tried yet?

    Reply ↓
    1. Jenesis*

      Do you have neighbors? (It sounds like you moved from a city into either a rural area or a small town?) If you use social media, have you tried looking up your area on Nextdoor to see if there are any weekend events happening in your area?

      Does your area have a park, community/rec center, (bar/pub, if you’re ok with drinking culture,) or other place where people go to meet people?

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    2. Charlotte Lucas*

      Do you have any hobbies that there might be a local group for? Or local groups to volunteer with? Farmers Markets often need volunteers, and it’s usually just a commitment to on or two mornings a month.

      Depending on the size of your community, maybe look into helping out at other local events. It’s a great way to meet people and learn more about where you live.

      If there’s a Unitarian church in your area, they welcome atheists and agnostics. Not sure if this is still the case, but the pastor of ours was an atheist.

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      1. Unkempt Flatware*

        I agree to look for volunteering opportunities. If you have the emotional capacity, see about a companionship program at a hospice. Being someone’s best friend at the end of their life sounds rewarding.

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      2. Jenesis*

        If I may ask, what does one preach about at a UU worship service, if not about God and Jesus and prayer? (Speaking as another atheist, who generally feels very uncomfortable in churches.)

        Reply ↓
        1. Rosyglasses*

          There is talk of a Spirit but there is not generally the typical God/Jesus construct. The sermons are more of spiritual nature and could draw from literature, Buddhist talks, and are geared toward social justice, being better humans, building community. There is prayer, but it is more the ritual of reflection and meditation, and in my limited experience, are a wonderful mix of atheists, humanists, folks who believe in God of all different walks and faith backgrounds and generally want to build connection on something that acknowledges the spiritual side of life.

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    3. Curlywhenwet*

      Buy and use season tickets to a local team. You will see the same people around you every game and will have a built in conversation topic.

      Join a quilting/knitting/gardening club that you can stop at on the way home from work.

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    4. Not A Manager*

      – Some of my neighborhood bars feature certain musical styles once a month, like ska night or emo night. I actually haven’t been to those, but I’m quite certain that if I did, it wouldn’t take more than two consecutive visits to start recognizing some faces.

      – I have just started going to a local swing dance event once a month, and on my second visit I already knew a bunch of folks.

      – Some of my friends go to their neighborhood trivia night, which is in a pizza place although I know bars do that too.

      – Many houses of worship have robust volunteer options. The churches and synagogues in my area offer many opportunities to feed the homeless, clean up the local parks, etc. and do not require membership or worship in order to participate.

      Since my divorce, I have found that just showing up to the same event two or three times is enough for me to recognize a few faces. They are not all instant friends, but it was a very fast transition from feeling like a complete outsider to feeling like I knew a number of folks. And then eventually I did make some friends.

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    5. Rocky*

      Since driving into the city is exhausting, you might start with some online groups. You may eventually turn virtual friends/acquaintances into IRL ones — or if not, at least you will have some online. I found an online book group my library sponsors and it helps a bit with the feeling lonely.

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    6. purple pansies*

      can you find a sports/running group? Like, a couch to 5 km group, that’s on your way home from work? Learn to row? Learn to ski? Dragon boat? Showing up for the same sports group week after week will at least give you familiar faces. And, there’s usually the pub afterwards, at least where I live.

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    7. Jay*

      I’ve made a number of friendships over the years just sitting by a river/lake/dock with a fishing pole in hand on a nice, sunny day.
      Fishermen like to talk and there generally isn’t that much going on.
      And if you ever find a fisherman over the age of 18 who doesn’t love swapping stories or under 18 who doesn’t love hearing them for the first time, call the police, because no you didn’t, you found the evil alien masquerading as a human and you need to summon help before it lays it’s eggs in your chest.

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    8. Seashell*

      Could you try to plan a nearby event or start a nearby group on MeetUp/NextDoor/local Facebook group? It could be anything – book club, walking group, a happy hour, meet-up at a coffee shop, etc.

      Other ideas: see if your local library has any events or groups that might appeal to you. Google to check if there is any local group for newcomers. Check if any friends from a prior location know anyone near you and can do a platonic fix-up.

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  8. Weekend Warrior*

    Territory-marking outside of work?
    The recent call for examples of territory-marking at work had a lot of great responses and made me think about how that looks outside of work. It’s hard to actually mark territory in most public places but I certainly have some strong preferences that are hard to shake. I’d mark if I could!
    For example:
    At the rec centre pool I have a favourite locker (top corner) and a favourite shower nozzle (harder stream than the others). When I bag these I feel like I’ve won a little lottery. Not getting them makes me feel a bit out of sorts. :) :)

    Some people claim their favourite change cubicles by leaving clothes in them while they swim. Officially discouraged and unpopular but still happens.

    Anyone else have territorial preferences? How far have you gone to mark them? Have you removed other people’s marks? :)

    Reply ↓
    1. Falling Diphthong*

      How I Met Your Mother had an opening bit about the official booth of the show’s heroes at the bar downstairs. Which was no better than any of the other booths, but the enmity when some other group sat in the booth was deep felt.

      Like you I have a favorite locker at the gym where I swim.

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    2. Six Feldspar*

      I would never raise a scene if someone got to it first, but I definitely have My Ideal Spot at pilates and my favourite seats on the train.

      I have definitely removed my mugs from the kitchen to my bedroom in my sharehouse days if people were using them…

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    3. Dancing the Night Away*

      I like a certain spot at the ballet barre and I like to be early to class to get it. I’m not the only one with preferences like, but some women don’t care and rotate the remaining spots amongst themselves.

      Reply ↓
  9. Falling Diphthong*

    What are you watching, and would you recommend it?

    Just watched Emilia Perez on Netflix, and blown away. Zoe Saldana plays a severely under-appreciated Mexican lawyer, who agrees to meet with the head of a drug cartel in one of those “You could make a lot of money, or be killed: your choice” scenarios. The cartel head wants to start a new life as a woman, and needs the lawyer to figure out how to do this secretly, with a clean break.

    It’s about transformation, and about the ties to the past that persist through transformation. I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but each time it did it felt like of course, this was what would happen. Very satisfying.

    Also it’s a musical.

    Reply ↓
    1. Viette*

      How is the musical aspect of it — what type of music is it? I had heard it was based off an opera libretto, but is the music at all like opera, or quite different?

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  10. Bibliovore*

    When I asked for recommendations for a new picture book for gift giving last weekedn, I didn’t realize that the giving of a picture book would cause so many big feelings. Spent a day in an independent bookstore and found some new 2024 picture books that I am loving so spent a pile of money.
    I do give books as presents but remind people that book gifts are not “required reading.” And of course move them on to a little free library.
    I just knew that there are a lot of book people here and thought someone might have a recommendation that I had missed.
    “everyone is getting a book this year.” was hyperbole. I would not give a book to a known “non-reader.”

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  11. Jackalope*

    Gaming thread! Share what you’ve been playing and give or request recs. As always, all games are welcome, not just video games.

    I jumped back into Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes. For those who haven’t played it, it’s a spin-off of Fire Emblem: Three Houses, with the same characters (for the most part), and a side timeline. I’m doing my final house – Dimitri – and not looking forward to his path (always my least favorite), but glad to get my Blue Lions gang back!

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    1. theinone*

      Still playing Stardew Valley- between classes and marching band it’s hard to finish my playthroughs but we don’t have a game this weekend so I can actually play! Finishing up my 1.6 run so I can start a new farm with mods.

      (I mean, I never play without Harvest with Scythe and UI infosuite…but I want to play through Ridgeside Village after I get perfection in this farm lol)

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  12. Lizard*

    I am having a mysterious house problem, and I’m hoping that by telling as many people as possible, I will someday encounter an answer. Sorry this is long, but I wanted to provide all the details I have.

    A couple of weeks ago, I came home and thought that my house smelled a little like paint. (I have not been painting). When it didn’t go away after a few days, I explored more and found that it was strongest in the downstairs bathroom. The internet suggested that it might a freon leak, which made some sense because 1) it smelled a lot like it did when I had coolant blowing into my car and 2) that bathroom shares a wall with the outdoor shed that houses part of the AC unit. The smell in the outdoor shed is really strong.

    When I called the A/C repair guy, he said that freon doesn’t have a smell but agreed to come check it out anyway. He could definitely smell it, but he couldn’t find anything wrong with the A/C – including no freon leaks. He had no suggestions for who to call next. I asked two other appliance people (all of my appliances have had problems). One of them agreed that it wasn’t freon, suggested checking to see if there were chemicals dripping into any vents (I checked – there aren’t), and suggested buying an air quality monitor.

    I bought the air quality monitor, which shows higher levels of Total Volatile Organic Compounds (TVOCs) in the shed compared to in the house. 0.1-0.2 mg/m^3 in the house; up to 4.7 mg/m^3 in the shed. But I can’t figure out where the TVOCs would be coming from if not from A/C unit. (The only other things in the shed are a bike, some potting soil, and some empty pots.)

    I tried airing out the shed for 24+ hours (the smell got better but didn’t go away entirely) and then closing the door again to see if it builds up so that I have an idea of whether it’s a recurring problem. (Experiment in progress, no results yet). I also have another A/C company coming out on Monday for a second opinion, but I’m not feeling hopeful because a third A/C guy told me that guy #1 is very thorough and would have found a problem if there was one. He suggested talking to a duct cleaning company. I reached out to them but haven’t gotten a visit scheduled, and I’m not super convinced that this will be the answer.

    Anyway, if anyone reads all of that and thinks ‘I know something about HVAC units/TVOCs/things that smell like paint/anything that might explain this’, then I would love to hear about it. I’ve learned that the smell stays pretty localized to the bathroom/shed as long as I don’t turn on the heat or A/C. But once the air starts circulating, I immediately get a headache. It’s been pretty temperate so far, but I believe it will get cold one day. Thanks in advance!

    Reply ↓
    1. CheerfulGinger*

      This is a bit of a stretch, but is it possible that an old can of paint is leaking in the area? I know you said the shed only has soil and pots, but maybe it is in the attic and dripping into the wall?

      I once thought there was terrible smell coming from the basement. Turns out that a small animal had crawled under the deck and died. The stink was leaking into the basement and we didn’t figure out the source till the spring.

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  13. MozartBookNerd*

    I’m sheltering from political blogs for awhile – are there similar-feeling sites but that aren’t political?

    For years up until November 5, I habitually enjoyed checking in on political postings throughout the day. It was a way of taking a mental break from my own work, plus feeling connected to a lot of strangers, plus also keeping my brain going. But welp, all of sudden, I’ll be setting boundaries and sheltering from politics, at least for a healthy length of time. (Will return to it later with renewed vigor.)

    So I’m seeking new “go-to” web sites to replace my all-day political blog “habit” with! Frequent postings would be good; deep groups of writers and/or commenters would be good; in fact AAM is absolutely perfect (in so many ways) but I want additional ones! After all, when breaking any old strong habit, it’s helpful to substitute a new one . . . Grateful for the commentariat’s suggestions!

    Reply ↓

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